


Feathers

by thedeadflag



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:44:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 36
Words: 295,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3404363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeadflag/pseuds/thedeadflag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A weary marine gets pulled into a covert assignment by an old contact. A single explosion changes the course of her life, sending her racing through space to combat a threat to all galactic civilization. The Mass Effect Arc of A. Shepard. Sequel to Flotsam</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home Life

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of authors start new fics assuming the reader knows nothing. I didn't feel comfortable doing that when I started Feathers, but I tried to have a decent bridge intro for you all, and to help explain the backstory along the way while 'showing' instead of telling as much as I could. This is technically the sequel to my prequel fic 'Flotsam', so there's a lot of character development you might not recognize as easily if you're coming in fresh. There are character cameos from that fic, and a major OC from it, and there will be mentions of past events (I already have with Anderson). I did my best to accommodate, and make this as pleasant an experience as I can, and to keep the past events and knowledge to a minimum(as much as I feel I can while keeping my Shepard in character), so you don't HAVE to read Flotsam to understand about 95% of what's going on. But it's there to read if you're ever interested, of course, and it would probably help.
> 
> Also, this fic is being re-posted here, but it's still technically under hiatus. I hit a writer's block back in 2013 that was specifically linked to stress over handling this fic's future, and I've since decided to keep writing it when I can, and then post the rest of the fic when I finish. It's not finished yet, currently sitting at 36 chapters, and probably looking at about another 14-ish from that point. I won't discuss a timetable (which, honestly, was the primary stressor for me that led me to stop updating this regularly), not even vague guesstimates. But it's still being written.
> 
> I hope you enjoy what I've written, even if it's still a WIP, and even if the first few chapters are a little stilted, structurally :)

A calm breeze rolled through the grassy yard and past the worn out, occupied hammock; the cool air tickling the exposed skin that her shirt had ridden up and away from. The woman wasn't going to complain about the cool, clear, sunny weather; any time it wasn't sweltering hot was a good time for her. Between the cold of Ottawa and the cold of space, Shepard still wasn't truly used to her home of nearly a decade. Amaterasu had seasons like Earth, but they could generally be boiled down to hot, warm and temperate; snow would only be found on the peaks far to the east of the continent. _Snow…good riddance. I'll be happy if I never set foot in it again._

She rolled over on her comfy rope hammock and let her head block out the sunlight that had been preventing her from reading her datapad. The ropes had once been pristine, two years back, but they'd been getting a workout since. _Well, when you're basically put in the corner until emergencies come along, you get to do a lot of reading. Not that I'm complaining, but since…well, I guess I can't blame them._ She thought, mulling over the lesson plan for the next morning at the community center. _At least those kids keep me busy._

She'd spent the past twenty eight months mostly on Amaterasu, with the exception of a few weeks of small missions scattered here and there, allowing her to take up the role of "special interests" teacher at the local community center during the weekend. The colony was small, but about a dozen children would show up each Sunday morning to hear about something new or interesting, or to learn some handy survival tricks, or just take part in a Q&A session. It always amused her when she'd host one of those. _At least some other kids saw a resemblance between the Elcor and…_

The hum of engines brought her attention away from her thoughts and toward her front yard, where a shuttle was landing. _Alliance colours…normally they let me know what's going on before coming over here and ruining my afternoon_. A familiar stout officer stepped off the vehicle onto her overgrown lawn and began his march over to her.

"Lieutenant Shepard?" The man called from across the yard; the woman slowly slid off her hammock, datapad still in hand, and closed the distance.

"Corporal Wilson. To what do I owe the pleasure?" She asked as she returned his salute. The man teetered back and forth on his feet for a moment. _He's nervous…what for?_

"I'm here to take you to Doctor Reiser. You're to be…" he said quietly, looking almost thankful when she interrupted him. She knew the reaction well, and her mood soured from it. _All these years later and…fuck him._

"I saw Reiser two months ago for my annual psych eval, Corporal. I don't need another one, they can check what's there." Shepard stated firmly, attempting to sound authoritative and calm. The man seemed to relax slightly, but she knew the next time they'd meet, he'd go back to the same ingrained reaction. _They all do. As if I'm going to pull out a gun and shoot them, or snap their necks, just for looking at me the wrong way…_

"You…uh…you've been put in for a transfer, Lieutenant." Wilson said, flinching slightly as she looked at him in confusion.

"Corporal Wilson, I'm not officially _in_ anything right now. The Alliance has been pulling me from random mission with random platoon to random mission with random platoon for...what, over two years now? I haven't had to do this before. Tell me you have more on this, or call your superior and get someone who's in the loop to tell me what's going on." She noted calmly, shaking her head at how absurd the request was. _I hate going in there…sitting on that bench and saying the same things over and over…_

"This is for a permanent transfer. That's all I know. This came from Arcturus, so it must be something serious." Shepard looked at the man for a few moments and then nodded, feeling resigned, knowing if it came from up top, it was serious. 

"Alright. Whatever, Corporal. Does it have to be now?" She asked, hoping she could grab some more sunshine. _It's supposed to rain on Tuesday, and I want to enjoy the good weather…_

"Time is apparently of the essence, ma'am." He answered, waiting for her to advance toward the shuttle before he followed suit.

_Time is of the essence? Since when are the Alliance hasty about anything?_

* * *

"In your career, you have had to cope with the deaths of fellow soldiers, some even under your command. Have you been doing anything specific to help ease the stress from those incidents?"

Shepard hated the smell of his office; it was a dusty pile of fake hardcover books, with datapads inside them. It was a sham, the doctor was a sham, and she thought the only thing more disgusting around her than the room were the words coming out of his mouth. _Why does he keep asking me these questions? I've been in here for two hours with this imbecile!_

"No." she stated emphatically, glaring at the nameplate on his desk. _Christ, who names their kid Wellington? I didn't notice that before…_

The doctor shook his head, his frustration having built visibly over the past dozen minutes. "You've given me monosyllabic answers for the past half hour. I would like to make some progress, Miss Shepard."

"We'd be making progress if you would stop bringing that event up. I've had yearly sessions with you and we've been over this. It's done. I'm fine. You know it. Let's get onto whatever you're here for." Shepard muttered, leaning back against the couch cushions.

"It's clear to me that we need to discuss Torfan, Lieuten…" He began, before Shepard leapt off the couch.

"We've already talked about it! I've said all there is to say, have you forgotten? If you want me to say I feel I can't function because of it, then we're going to be here for a long time. I made a decision. I'm living with it. I'm fine. You want me to be some mythical butcher that people make me out to be, then feel free to think that, but I've said my piece on Torfan. I've given you what you wanted. Are we done?" Shepard finished, her minor rant not seeming to have impressed the doctor.

"How did those deaths affect you in terms of everyday stress?" He asked simply, ignoring her request.

"I'm actually teaching small classes at the community center, it's a really nice building, really great marble floors. I swear, you could see your reflection in them. One of the kids, Felicia, likes showing me her drawings of cats." Shepard stated with a grin, pacing toward the window.

"Shepard, please be cooperative." She heard from behind her, the doctor sounding slightly more agitated, which was a plus.

"Nah, I don't feel like pie right now. It's too early in the day for that. Maybe some fresh berries though." She spoke, unable to keep the smile off her face as she ignored his pleas.

"It's alright to show some emotion over what you've gone through, Shepard."

She turned her head and stared at him intently. "Which ones do you want me to show?"

He waved his hands slightly. "There's no need to be hostile, I've had plenty of soldiers come to me for help. I know how you feel."

"If you already know how I feel, why are you asking?" She asked dully as she moved toward the door. "Look, I can't stand this anymore, and we've already spent over two hours with you. I'm done. I'm calling it. There's a decision you can mull over and write a psych eval on, Doctor."

Shepard closed the door behind her as she left the room, marching down the hall back to the shuttle pad. _This is strange, his sessions are never over an hour, and it was like he was fishing for things I've already told him before. Why the hell would he do that? I told him all I wanted to tell about Torfan two years ago… that was fine then, and he hasn't brought it up until now. Something…something's up._

* * *

The run home was just what she needed after the unexpected evaluation. The countryside was blanketed in lush, rolling green fields with the odd condensed pack of deciduous trees tosses in. The trees were changing colour due to the season, the native ones shifting to a pale purple or blue, while the imported oaks and maples from Earth changed to their reds, yellows and oranges. It made for a glorious sight in the midst of the twilight, and was one of the reasons she ended up settling there. After the Alliance refused to bring her to Drasta, she'd settled there, knowing an alliance base was near, and that it was also near other civilized worlds like Illium. _Not that I've been there…or have even seen an asari in person…_ While Tiptree offered some of those benefits and more, the weather and the environment had sealed the deal.

As she reached the path leading to her home, she slowed, enjoying the serenity of the azaleas lining the walkway. They were native to Amaterasu, but held enough similarity for some researcher somewhere to place them in the same category. _Not that I mind…better that than something unpronounceable. Amaterasu is hard enough to remember already_. She leant over the take in their scent but paused halfway through the movement as she spotted a figure near the tree in her back yard. The azaleas all but a distant memory, she brushed past them, making a beeline straight for the man studying her red oak. Shepard stopped a few metres away and reached for her gun, quickly realizing she didn't have it on her. _You've been out of commission for seven months, you stopped carrying weeks ago, get a grip!_

With the sun having just set, there wasn't enough light for her to get a good look at who it was. _Still, I don't think they're going to be any trouble. I can handle myself…_

"Hey, turn around with your hands up." She warned, taking a step forward. "What are you doing in my yard?" She took another step forward and focused her biotics, wreathing her in waves of blue _. I got this place so I could have something to myself, something for Mel. Who the hell would be out here at this time of night?_

The man turned around, shifting her confusion to annoyance, rolling her eyes at the revelation.

"Lieutenant Shepard." Anderson stood before her, his posture and smile rankling her as she took another step forward. After pausing for a few moments, he continued. "You have a fine property here."

"Had lots of time to keep it nice looking, Anderson. I take it that crap over at the doc's office was your doing? " Shepard asked, pushing past him and leaning up against the tree. "A permanent transfer, huh? Someone at HQ finally lost their mind, or am I getting a janitorial position from here on out?"

"You haven't been so long off-duty that you've forgotten to salute, Lieutenant." Anderson stated firmly, looking at her expectantly. She shifted her weight and gave a lazy salute.

"I won't even pretend to know your rank, and it's dark outside. Anyway, what, am I back in the good books now? On official duty? Last I checked, when I'm on leave, I'm not held to regular procedure. Especially if it's forced leave. You come visit me for the first time in probably a decade and I'm supposed to salute you on my personal time? You just waltz in here like you own the place? Who spent two months in casts from broken hands and forearms because you fell for a ploy and couldn't get the job done? Who took the heat on a suicide mission when Alliance dropped the ball? Me." She pushed herself off the tree and moved up to Anderson, prodding him in the chest. "I don't owe you anything. I owe the Alliance my service until my contract's up and neither of you have done well by me lately, so this had better be good."

"And here I thought you were fine with what happened on Torfan." Anderson said with a straight face. "Either way, the Alliance has need of you again. I was hoping you would hear me out, but if you're too busy living in the past, I'll wait. Do you still want to serve?"

"Not my fault that my brain associates you with bad news, Anderson. And hell yeah I want to serve, but the last few missions have been a little too wasteful or suicidal for my liking." She noted, shaking her head. Shepard motioned toward her home and began slowly making her way there, Anderson following suit. "I'd prefer to be out there doing some good, not sitting around at a desk for three weeks or going solo in a nest of batarian drug lords on an infiltration mission for a month. It shouldn't be hard to tell how well I'd do sneaking around, with these biotics. I can't tell if they just want to forget about me or get rid of me. Unless this is different, I'm probably saying no."

"I can't give you all the details yet…" He started, noticing Shepard rolling her eyes at the mention. "But I can tell you that the Alliance and Turians have co-manufactured a new prototype frigate, and I'll be captaining it. I want you as my XO."

Shepard froze in her tracks a few feet from her side door. _What? He wants what?_

"You want me to serve under you on a ship?" She asked, unsure whether to feel excitement or horror. "I've never served on a ship before, and I've never run anything close to XO duties, sir. I'm not sure you've got the right person for the job. It's…a hell of a lot better than dozing around here indefinitely, or doing another suicide mission…so I won't say no but…why?"

She opened the door and blankly motioned for Anderson to enter, before quickly moving to the nearby living room and clumsily plopping down on her couch. Anderson took the chair across from her and steepled his fingers.

"You may lack experience, but I've seen your test scores. They're still recent enough, and I know you've got a good head on your shoulders. I know we haven't had the best relationship, but this could get you back on track with the Alliance." He said, pausing to contemplate for a moment before continuing. "I have had friends in your position before. Even I spent a number of months on forced leave from a failed mission. It isn't pleasant, Shepard. This is your way back."

"What exactly is happening on the ship? Why do you need me when there are plenty of Alliance officers that would kill for the chance? Hell, my friend Heather's a great engineer, she'd probably beg me to bring her aboard. My focus is on ground missions. Firefights. Some…well, infiltration, but again, I'm no ninja. Why do you need me?" She asked nonchalantly, leaning her body against one of the throw pillows to her side.

"Well, as of right now there are only minor tests and some shakedown runs planned, but I anticipate once we're certain that systems are running, there will be some ground work to do. We need someone with your skills both in space and on the planet." Anderson answered, leaning back against the chair and resting his legs on a nearby stool.

"My skills? Anderson…you know my reputation, and you want me in charge of handling all crew-related manners? What, do you want everyone scared into silence? That's what's going to happen. I know what people think of me. I know I could do the job, but I don't think I'd be as effective as a lot of others would be... not if I'm leading a ground team and they're thinking I'm going to throw them into the fire. That kind of shit leads to mistakes, and leads to death. Like I've been saying, Anderson, every time you come around, it's bad news. " Shepard ranted, sighing at the mere thought of having people treat her like she's a monster on a daily basis. _It's not a pleasant thought…I want this, but…_

"They're serving under me, and I handpicked the whole crew. They'll follow my lead, like you will. They'll respect my decisions enough to not disrespect you, and in time will probably see you as a human being like I do." Anderson stated softly, standing up. "It's a little later than I thought. I should get going, so pack whatever you need and be ready for pickup at 0500. One locker's worth."

"We're leaving tomorrow? Wilson wasn't kidding." Shepard muttered, shaking her head. _It's going to be a long night…_

"Goodnight, Lieutenant Commander." He said, smiling, as he left out the front door. It took a few seconds for what he said to click in. _Lieutenant Comma…I'm getting promoted? That's…fucked up. Nice, but…aw hell, I don't have time to think, I need to pack!_

She scrambled up off the couch and paused for a moment, wondering where to go first. _I have to leave at five o'clock? That means…_ Shepard bolted out the door first, back to the red oak for a last goodbye while there was still some light in the sky. She wasn't quite sure where she'd be leaving to the next day, or how long she'd be, but she had a feeling that the third time was the charm. _Something has to go right, doesn't it?_


	2. Human Qualities

It was a long trip to the Higgs Starport; the six days travel to where the Normandy had been built was mostly done in excruciating silence. Shepard wasn't the super talkative mile-a-minute type, and she found comfort in silence when around friends, but Anderson's close proximity to her across such a span of time had started to wear on her. _The first two days were great… got on a nice shuttle, transferred to a nice ship, didn't need to see anyone or talk to anyone…but the last four days I've been on this tiny coffin of a shuttle for some inexplicable reason…_ The shuttle they had taken was large enough to house some minor amenities, and certainly would never see field duty to transport troops, but there was only one sitting area, and the sleeping quarters were the type to make anyone claustrophobic. So for what felt like the fourth month of steady travel, she had sat across from Anderson as he typed away on his omni-tool or read a number of datapads. Occasionally he would leave to the cockpit, or would escape to the small storage bay to send a message, but the reprieve would never last long enough. _And I have to spend a few months on a ship with him? This is going to be horrible._

Anderson looked up from his datapad and across the aisle to Shepard, a slight smile on his face.

"Won't be much longer, Shepard. We'll be docking at the port in about thirty minutes." He stated, starting to chuckle. "I'm sure you can't wait to get off this thing."

"Might be the happiest moment of my life." She said sarcastically, swinging her legs onto the cushioned bench she was sitting on, propping her head up against a worn out and pathetically uncomfortable cushion. _Christ, what did they cover this with? The driest, itchiest wool in the galaxy? This is 2183! Come on! Why is the only cushion around this…augh!_ She tossed the offending object across the room and huffed, crossing her arms as her head rested painfully on the steel bulkhead. "Oh wait…no, probably not. I'll still be getting MREs on the Normandy. Couldn't convince them to spend some of their budget on better food, could you? You do realize the Alliance gives biotics MREs that are just a bunch of packets of nutrient paste, don't you? It's like I'm back on the streets all over again!"

Anderson gave a laugh at her behavior and shook his head. "You've been with the Alliance since before your seventeenth birthday, and you're deciding to complain now?"

Shepard grimaced, remembering signing her life away when she was sixteen. _Well, sixteen and a half…and it seemed like a good idea at the time…hell, it still WAS a good idea in general, but…I still kind of wonder what life would have been like if I had more options back then…_

"When you're grounded for a few straight months and get used to freshly grown food, it's kind of hard to go back." She noted, smirking at the thought of fresh apple cinnamon pies and homemade pizza. "I swear... you want to win me over, Anderson? Get me some pizza. Get me some pizza somewhere down the line, when I'm desperate and grumpy, and yearning for actual food or something. That's the price my loyalty will be a month or two from now."

Anderson leaned forward slightly, seemingly amused, which only annoyed her more. "And the price of your loyalty now? A promotion and a one way trip from Alliance purgatory didn't earn it…but food will?"

"I'm a biotic, Anderson. We eat a lot. Food is important to us, but because we eat so much, we're usually shoveled cheap nutrient pastes and all this tasteless crap. It's not fair, so when I get sick of that crap after a month, you better believe a pizza will win me over. Hell, if you give me fresh ingredients so I can make my own, then I'll probably be loyal for at least a year." She ranted, her stomach protesting at the teasing she was inflicting on herself. "Like I said, it'd go a long way in making up to me. Food. Consider it. I'm giving you a head start, here."

"Shepard, I'm not attempting to make up for anything with this mission." Anderson started, pausing as a glare from the woman across from him urged him to be honest. "Alright, I'm trying to make up for the Alliance grounding you, but I know I've done you wrong in the past. I don't think there's anything that could appropriately make up for any of that in your eyes, so I won't even try. I do hope you come to trust me, though."

Shepard rolled her eyes, not entirely believing his words. _It's true, I'm not sure anything he could do would really make up for that. At least he's being straight up with me about it, but…I don't know, this just seems like a bit much to get me out of forced leave._

"Just prove yourself to me that you're capable, and we'll get along fine. I'll try to give you a fresh start, even. You've made it to Captain, so you're obviously doing something right." She stated, stretching her shoulders, which had gotten stiff over the span of the trip. _Christ, I wish I knew a masseuse. My shoulders get stiff pretty quick these days…_ "Look, I don't mean any offense, Anderson, but you fell for two traps and didn't double-check your intel on either, or follow-up on one of them…and you were too late to the other one. Might just be bad luck. Might be that whole 'third time's a charm' thing this time around will make it better, but can you blame me for being a little nervous about this? I don't see how this won't be a train wreck."

_I mean, here I am, the Butcher of Torfan in all her glory, being the person the crew goes to for any help, complaints, requisition orders, or whatever,_ She thought, chewing on her lip anxiously as she saw the port come into view from her window _. Last time I was on the Arc, some parents hid their kids from me. Can I really expect better from people who might actually feel their lives are at risk with me on board? What the hell can I do to get rid of that reputation? I mean…I'm not the most social person…Anderson must have some sort of plan…_

"I prom-…I'm sure that you'll get used to everything quickly, and the crew will get used to you. Just be yourself around them, and they'll learn what I've learned about you." Anderson stated. Shepard was pleased that he amended what he almost let slip. _Still, that means he's not entirely sure…this is going to be a train wreck, I just know it…_

"Yeah, well, I'll give it a shot, but…Anderson, I won't hold this position if they're not comfortable with me. I'll give myself chance here, I'll give them a chance…but I'm not going to spend a few months on a ship with a crew that's scared of me. With that ship out there, you're going to need it running smooth, and you can't do that if everyone's terrified." She stated, sighing as thoughts of the gossip that had spread about her after Torfan filled her mind. Shepard closed her eyes and lightly flicked her hand in the air, trying to clear her mind of the memories. _Last thing I need to think about is that crap, especially right before I meet a bunch of new people._ "Look, tell me about the ship. What's so special about it?"

Anderson picked up a nearby datapad and scanned through it for a few seconds before turning his eyes back to her. "It was built by human and turian R&D teams, using a mixture of both architectural styles. Apparently, it takes the best of both worlds, but I haven't commanded it yet, so I'm simply taking their word for it. The CIC at the back doesn't seem like that great of a change, and the crew hasn't really complained about it so far. The Normandy's meant to be a stealth frigate, and it's fast. Can get in and out of a system before anyone knows it's been there, which is pivotal, as the Alliance navy hasn't had anything of the sort in its fleets before. Hell, Shepard, I'm not sure the Salarians have anything like the IES stealth system. I'm sure Lieutenant Adams will be happy to fill you in on how it works, he's the lead engineer on the ship. We use sleeping pods instead of bunks to save space…because real estate is valuable on a ship this small. We've got an M35 Mako onboard in the cargo hold for any ground missions we might encounter."

Shepard nodded, impressed. "So stealth. That's pretty damn good to have. Is it just a flying piece of glass, or is it at least a glass cannon?"

"Well, it's a frigate, so it's not meant for much combat, but there's a set of GARDIAN defense lasers and a mass accelerator cannon. It's not harmless, but if we're using its weapons in a fight, we're probably in a bad position." Anderson stated. "Anyway, on top of that we have a med-bay. It's not large, but there are a few beds and enough supplies for our resident Doctor and her aide to do their jobs effectively. Outside of that, there isn't much else to say."

Soon, Shepard felt the shuttle gracefully land, Anderson quickly moving to the cockpit to go over some final instructions before they were to transfer over to the larger Frigate docked a few hundred metres away. After a few minutes, Anderson walked back into the room and motioned her toward the exit.

_Here goes nothing, I guess…_

* * *

The closer the duo got to the Normandy, the more Shepard was entranced by the ship. _It's sleek like a Turian frigate, but much better looking…and a little less pointy and phallic…but only a little bit…love the paint job, too. The fact that there's not a lick of blue on it is pretty damn amazing, considering the Alliance and their damn branding. Maybe that's half the stealth system right there, using a better paint job…_

The doors of the airlock opened, allowing them into decontamination. As the process finished its course and the doors to the ship swung open, Anderson looked back at her and smiled. "Welcome to the Normandy, Shepard."

An announcement rang out in hall that Captain Anderson had relieved someone of duties, but Shepard wasn't really paying much attention. She could feel the blood pounding between her ears and felt her shoulders tense up as she took her first steps onto the ship. Anderson had careened off to the left into the cockpit, so Shepard followed, seeing him chatting casually with a hat-wearing pilot. _Interesting choice of clothing…never seen a pilot with a hat before…_ she thought to herself stepping into the small room. _Or a full beard. Christ…well, I've grown my hair out since my last mission and Anderson hasn't taken a pair of clippers to it yet, so maybe I'll be able to keep it. Even if I have to put it up…_

"Flight Lieutenant Moreau, may I introduce to you Lieutenant Commander Shepard, your new executive officer." She heard Anderson state, dragging her out of her thoughts and woefully into the conversation. She smiled as politely as she could at the gawking pilot, unsure about his reaction.

"Um…uh…wel…welcome aboard ma'am." He stammered nervously, though from his eyes, she wasn't sure whether he was scanning her for weapons or for something else. _Okay Shep, just stop and focus_.

"Pleasure to meet you. So you're the lucky guy who gets to fly this beast?" she asked, eyes darting around the cockpit at the nearby systems. _Pilot's seat, co-pilot seats, battery control terminals…and a whole lot of other stuff I don't recognize. Been too long since I've been in a cockpit…_

"Hell yeah…I mean, yes ma'am." He blurted out, quickly catching himself. Shepard held back a giggle, amused at the man's inability to follow protocol or seem the least bit formal. _Maybe I'm not the only ugly duckling here…_ she thought as the pilot puffed out his chest slightly. "Anderson insists there should be another pilot for when I'm sleeping, but they can't handle my baby. This ship was practically made for me. I'm the best pilot in the Alliance, I could fly this beauty in my sleep better than anyone else could awake. "

She smiled and nodded, looking to where Anderson was and realizing he'd slipped away. Mystified, she looked back to the pilot, who shrugged his shoulders.

"He does that all the time, you'll get used to it." Joker said flatly as Shepard made her way to the co-pilot's chair and sat down. "It's uh…well, pardon my language, but…"

"Don't worry about your language around me, flight lieutenant. I care more about what you do and how well you do it. You fly this ship the way it needs to be and you can be as informal as you want. At least around me. Honestly, I don't think Anderson cares too much either, which seems a little weird for him." Shepard stated as she stretched out in the fairly comfortable seat.

"Fine by me. Anyway, I was gonna say, they sunk over a billion credits into this thing, or something, and they give it these fifty credit seats. I mean, come on! Where's the leather? I'd kill for leather. I'd run five hundred sims for leather. Anyway, if we're all chummy and tossing formalities to the wind, call me Joker." He said, pulling up a recent diagnostic on his HUD.

"Alright, Joker. Just go by Shepard for me, then. Or Commander if you're feeling fancy." She joked, though her expression sobered as she realized she had the rest of the ship to tour.

"I'm always feeling fancy, Commander." He said with a grin and a waggle of his eyebrows. Shepard stood up and moved around Joker, back toward the corridor.

"Anyway, I'll probably be back later to discuss…whatever it is I'm supposed to talk to you about. Actual ship business and operations and stuff. Maybe you can run through a sim while I watch, let me see how good you are. Until then, I'll be figuring out who everyone is here."

"All right, see ya." She heard from behind her as she walked slowly down the corridor toward the CIC. The place wasn't too different than what she'd seen before; the corridor was lined with terminals and people seated at them, running comms and diagnostics and the plethora of other processes Shepard wasn't too familiar with. _Got a feeling I'll be getting to know a whole lot more about how ships work…been too long since my exams…_

As she entered into the CIC's main room, her path split off to the sides of her, arcing toward the twin doors at the far end of the space; a galaxy map and a number of unmanned terminals took up the majority of the space between. Two figures stood at the front of the CIC having a quiet discussion, going silent as soon as they saw her enter the room and walk toward them.

One of the figures, a tall dark haired man turned to her and saluted, prompting the older, balding man to salute as well. She suppressed a smile at his resemblance to an old twentieth century pop music idol, Elvis, and returned the salutes. _This guy looks a little too…suave… to be in the military. Alliance should be using him as a poster boy if he isn't already…_

"Commander Shepard, welcome aboard the Normandy." The older man said, his voice flat and his body slightly tensed up. "I'm Charles Pressly, navigator of the Normandy. This…" he said, gesturing to the younger man beside him. "Is Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko."

Kaidan politely offered his hand, which Shepard accepted and shook firmly, but not hard.

"It's great to have someone with your…experience on the ship, ma'am." He stated hesitantly. "If you need anything, just ask. I run the ship's marine detail, so if you have any concerns with the ground team, just let me know."

Shepard nodded her head and smiled. _Well, if he's been in charge of the people I'm going to be taking into the field…at least, I'm thinking I will end up doing that…then having him on my side will probably help tremendously. Definitely something to make note of…_

"Thank you, officers. And good to know, Alenko. Just what kind of numbers are we looking at?" she asked, curious about the manpower on the ship.

Kaidan rubbed his left temple slightly. "We have about as much as you could expect on a ship this size. Just a small ground team, really. So far in the drills, I take lead with Jenkins, Pynchon, Murakami and Martin. This isn't a frigate meant for a lot of planetary assaults, so a small team to get in and out is usually all that's needed."

"That sounds fine to me." She nodded, turning to the older man. "Thank you for the introductions, Pressly. I'm sure I'll see you two around, but I'd best make my way through the ship before Anderson tears me a new one for slacking. Good day, sirs."

She could hear their quiet discussion begin immediately after she'd begun her trek toward one of the twin doors and hoped that they hadn't judged her too harshly. _I'm doing my best to sound friendly or at least normal._ She mused, making her way down a level toward the crew quarters. As she entered the mess hall she spotted an older gray-haired woman exiting from the med-bay looking positively annoyed, glancing in all directions before locking her gaze on Shepard.

"Have you seen anyone come out of my med-bay recently?" she asked, in a British accent that Shepard couldn't quite place, marching up to her. The woman paused, giving Shepard a look over, and then nodded. "Hrm, you have scarring, so it wouldn't likely be you…"

Shepard tilted her head to the side and grinned, feeling slightly confused. "What are you asking? What wouldn't be me?"

"Some trickster began spreading rumours to the communications staff that medi-gel is a…stimulating lubricant." She said, exasperated. Shepard couldn't help but let out a laugh, covering her mouth to hide her amusement. "It isn't funny! For the past two days, I have had seven packets go missing. Medi-gel isn't cheap, and we only have a limited quantity for our trial runs coming up. They're wasting precious resources out of boredom." She sighed, bringing her hand to her head in frustration. Shepard finally suppressed her smile and straightened herself out. _Stealing medi-gel's pretty serious…we might need that for later, instead of…ugh…_

"Uh…Doctor…if there's anything I can do to stop this prank, just let me know. I'm pretty sure I could scare them straight if you want." Shepard said, hoping it wouldn't have to come to that. _I mean, wasting resources might be the difference between life and death. They should be more concerned about the whole crew instead of undermining it with an unnecessary joke. Especially when there are other ways to have fun, I'm sure…_

"Oh heavens, I must apologize for my lack of manners, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Doctor Karin Chakwas." The woman stated, offering a flustered smile.

"Don't worry about it, sometimes you can't help but get wrapped up in what you're doing." She said, shrugging. "I'm Commander Shepard. Anderson…the Captain… just brought me on board today. I suppose I'm the XO here now…just been making the rounds and meeting the crew. It's a pleasure, doc."

Chakwas' face paled slightly. "Oh! Well…I look forward to working with you, commander. Honestly, I was wondering why I thought I'd recognized you from somewhere. I had just assumed you were one of the many that have been hiding from me. Pardon my assumption, please."

Shepard chuckled a little and shook her head at the thought of Alliance officers running away from an angry Chakwas. "Hiding from you? I could see the ones stealing your supplies, but…I mean, you're a Doctor. You're not exactly an intimidating woman, if you don't mind me saying." Shepard said, amused at the woman's predicament.

"Commander, you may be surprised at how many servicemen and women happily avoid getting check-ups and medicals." The woman said, crossing her arms and quirking her eyebrows. "I take it you shall be cooperative?"

The commander nodded and smiled. "My body's my temple, Doctor. Gotta make sure I'm healthy, I don't want any surprises when I'm groundside and doing…well, whatever I need to do. I just don't see the point of not knowing." She clapped her hand on the other woman's shoulder and laughed. "Now I won't pretend that I'll always lay in bed resting any time I have a cold or a sore foot, but knowing what part of my body's hurt helps me be more efficient, helps keep me alive. I hope you won't have to put up with me too often while I'm here, doc, but…well, bad luck tends to follow me around. Fair warning."

"Duly noted, Commander." Chakwas said simply, a bit of colour having returned to her face. "Well, if you could do something about the missing medi-gel, I would appreciate it. David's been gone for weeks and Pressly hasn't seemed to have any luck with it."

"I will, Doctor." She stated as she moved away from the woman and further into the mess. _She calls Anderson by his first name? Interesting…they must be old friends or something…_ "Is there anyone down in the battery, or should I just go down another level?"

"The battery's usually empty while we're docked, Commander." Chakwas confirmed, leaving Shepard to wheel back and make her way into the elevator.

_Well, she was nice. Can't blame her for being a little flustered, really._ She thought, wondering why the elevator was taking so long. _What, am I going to some hidden dimension or something? One floor. I have a feeling I'm going to hate this thing...what if there's an emergency and some engineer in the crew deck needs to get to engineering fast? This…Christ, this is unacceptable. It's been three minutes! What the…_

The doors to the elevator surprisingly opened as the elevator made contact with the Engineering deck. _Finally._ She stepped out and noticed the large, sturdy looking vehicle at the far corner of the cargo hold. _So you must be the Mako…I have a feeling I'll end up having a lot of fun with you…_ she mused, her head turning toward the armoury's bench as a clatter rang through the large cavernous room. _Hrm. That's weird._

A partially assembled assault rifle lay alongside its pieces on the floor, and behind the bench, crates were stacked up a few feet high with ammo and other supplies. Closer to her, she saw a few crew lockers. _Well, if someone's there, they don't want to see me, so I'm just going to head into the drive core's room…hopefully whoever caused that mess fixes it before I get back to the elevator, or I'll find them._

As she turned the corner and made her way into the second room on the deck, she couldn't help but gasp at the size of the drive core. _That thing is huge! How the…how the hell did they fit it into this thing?_ She thought, staring in amazement at it as she stepped further into the room, eventually halting at the railing.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" she heard beside her, a smaller man joining her in leaning on the railing. "They kept saying we couldn't do it but…even now, after a few months of it being operational, I still get shivers."

"It's…damn impressive. I've never seen anything like it." She said quietly, in awe of the massive object wreathed in blue.

"There's nothing like it in the galaxy, really. Outside of the Destiny Ascension I'm not sure anything can really compare in terms of how advanced the technology is. The Normandy really is in a class of its own." He said, turning and saluting. "Lieutenant Greg Adams, lead engineer for the Normandy. I helped design this ship, it's my life's work."

Shepard returned the salute, managing to turn her gaze away from the marvelous sight for a moment. "Commander Shepard. I'm your new XO, it seems, so you might see me waltzing around here a lot…especially with this view."

Adams took a small step back. "Shepard? THE Commander Shepard?" he asked, startled. Shepard could barely hold back a grimace. _Things were going so well…_ "The one from Elysium?"

This time Shepard paused, surprised at the mention of one of her earlier missions instead of the one which soured her reputation. "Uh…yeah. I was at Elysium, though I was just commanding two small militia forces there. Can't say I had a real memorable part, from what I recall. At least, not compared to that Locke guy."

"You took a squad over to the hospital and held off the batarians. You might not think it was memorable, but you bought us all enough time to get out of the building. I just wanted to thank you for that." Adams stated, jubilantly, taking Shepard by surprise. _Yeah, I remember that…bottlenecked the crap out of them in the emergency room. By the time the batarians had signaled for an air strike, all the patients had been evacuated. Hard to remember that with all the carnage, and with Torfan and all… but…huh…I think that was the last real vacation I've had. Heather told me to go there, I think._

"Oh. Uh, well, no worries. I was just trying to help...didn't want to lose any more civilians than we had already. Why were you there, anyway?" she asked, her curiosity now piqued.

"I was stationed on Elysium, my wife had just given birth a few hours before the attack. I wasn't about to leave my wife and child. I remember trying to get out, but everyone was panicking and the whole place was chaos. Still can't believe you were able to get everyone calm and in line with all that was going on, Commander. You helped a lot of people that day, I owe you. If you hadn't come by…" Adams said, pausing as his face began to flush.

"I'm glad to have helped. Family…it's the most important thing we've got. If you want to pay back that 'debt'…" she said, making sure she had his full attention. "You can install a camera in the med bay overlooking the medi-gel dispenser. Maybe two or three to be sure. Can you do that?"

"Cameras?" he asked, seemingly baffled at the request. "I think we have a few extra ones laying around…why?"

"Someone's been stealing the medi-gel, and I'm sure you can understand why it's important that we stop that. If you can have it record the live feed, triggering when the dispenser is first used, and running…say, ten seconds afterward? There's some prank going around, and I understand it can get boring just waiting…I've had to do that a lot lately…but wasting that kind of stuff could put lives at risk in the future. If it isn't too much trouble?" Shepard asked, her voice a low whisper. Adams nodded and grinned.

"Yeah, I can do that. If it helps you and Karin, then definitely. It shouldn't take longer than two hours to set everything up, and we won't be leaving for at least twelve hours…absolutely, Commander. It'll be a pleasure." Adams stated, pushing himself off the railing. "Is that all?"

"Yeah, I'd best get up and visit the captain. Let him know I'm done my rounds." She said, turning to head toward the exit. "Take it easy, Adams. And thanks again."

Entering back into the cargo bay, she noticed the gun equipment had all been cleaned up. _Well that's a nice way to finish the meet and greet. You know, I think it went slightly better than expected…weird._

Shepard pressed the button for the lift, noticing someone had gone to the crew deck with it while she'd been in engineering talking to Adams. _Well shit. Looks like I'll be here for a while…maybe I should have had Adams check into the elevator instead…or both…both would be nice. Maybe later…_

* * *

"Thrusters…check. Navigation…check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift…just under fifteen hundred K." Joker stated calmly as he scanned the ship's readings. The trip through the relay hadn't been eventful, but Shepard had insisted on being in the cockpit for the event. She liked watching the starlight bend around them as they blasted from one point in the galaxy to another. It was strangely soothing. Unfortunately, the shadow of Nihlus Kryik had ruined that by hovering over her shoulder ever since they had picked him up at the Arc. _He's like a tiny little fairy always trying to get my attention…except in big pointy silent turian form. Which makes him more annoying._

"Fifteen hundred is good. Your captain will be pleased." Nihlus said, turning and leaving the cockpit and Shepard's side for the first time in hours. _Thank fucking god that guy's gone. For now. He'll be back._

"I hate that guy." Joker stated emphatically, eliciting something of a snort from Shepard, who smirked with amusement at the pilot.

"Nihlus gave you a compliment, so you hate him." Kaidan said flatly.

"You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That's 'good'. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit the target the size of a pinhead. So that's incredible!" Joker ranted, turning to Shepard. "Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don't think I'm the only one here who doesn't like having him onboard, am I right Commander? I mean, call me paranoid, but…" he finished, looking for support from his commander, who only shrugged.

"You're paranoid. The Council helped fund this project, they have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment." Kaidan said, earning a nod from Shepard.

"Yeah, that is the 'official' story, but only an idiot would believe that." Joker responded, rolling his eyes.

"I'm going to have to agree with Joker on this one, Kaidan." Shepard said not unkindly, hoping to covey her reasoning without screwing up too much. "Nothing's added up since Anderson offered me the job. He kept quiet about what we were even doing with this ship, and now there's this big turian on board from the Council. We've got a full crew on board for a shakedown run when a skeleton crew would do. I'm more of a soldier than someone who's experienced in ships, yet I'm brought in as an XO. If we're doing a shakedown run somewhere, why not one of the planets in the Arc's cluster? We didn't need to come all the way out here, so what are we doing here?"

As Kaidan opened his mouth to retort, Anderson's voice blared over the comms.

"Joker! Status report!" Anderson seemed more than a bit agitated, something Shepard really hadn't experienced in the past. _And he calls him Joker too? Hrm. Must really know this crew well…_

"Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid." Joker replied casually.

"Good. Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime." Anderson asked hastily. _Something's not right…_

"Aye aye, Captain. Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way." Joker stated, with some apprehension.

"He's already here, Lieutenant." Anderson confirmed, his voice cool but still riddled with impatience. Joker face palmed at his slip of the tongue and shook his head. "Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing."

"You get that?" Joker grumbled, the comm. channel having cut off.

"Yeah. Something's not right. I can just feel it. I've never heard him sounding this…tense. Or agitated." Shepard stated, getting up out of one of the co-pilot's chairs.

"Pfft. The captain always sounds like that when he's talking to me." Joker noted, grinning.

"I can't possibly imagine why." Kaidan said, offhandedly, rolling his eyes. Shepard gave the two a wave as she made her way down the corridor toward the CIC and the comm room. She noticed Jenkins, one of the marines, had spotted her from afar and abruptly made his way down to the second level, leaving his conversation with the doctor unfinished by the looks of the Doctor's expression. Shepard strode over to Chakwas and looked off toward where Jenkins had escaped to.

"I'm not sure whether he's running from me because the cameras caught him taking the medi-gel, or because of my reputation." Shepard stated out loud, shaking her head. _That kid's been hiding from me ever since I came on board. I swear, I've never seen anyone sprint so fast in the middle of breakfast. Right off the bench and out into the elevator. I'm going to have to actually make an effort to talk to him sometime, set him straight._

"He was the one taking the medi-gel?" Chakwas asked, shocked. She nodded at the older woman and shrugged.

"Cameras caught him this morning. I sent you the footage, but it's understandable if you haven't read it yet. It was only about an hour and a half ago." Shepard said, hoping the doctor wouldn't be too hard on the soldier. _Or maybe she should be, since I can't afford to._

"I was so busy doing last minute checkups. The amount of soldiers I've had to drag into the med-bay today kicking and screaming…it was nearly enough to drive me mad. Thank you for corralling them, Commander." Shepard nodded as the relieved doctor.

"It wasn't any trouble, Doctor. I just reminded them of the consequences of not having their required tests done by the deadline. Suspension without pay and potential dismissal isn't anything to take lightly." Shepard said, taking a further step toward the comm. room. "I'll catch up with you later, Doc. Gotta go see Anderson."

"I still haven't had the opportunity to look you over, Commander. I hope you're not being a hypocrite." Chakwas said playfully, crossing her arms and tapping her foot.

"Had my medical done two months ago, don't need another for a long time." she called out over her shoulder, pausing at the nearby wall. "Unless you bribe me with something." Shepard smiled, and walked into the comm. room, finding it empty aside from a certain turian.

"Commander Shepard, I was hoping you'd get here first. It will give us a chance to talk." The large turian stated coolly. She had to admit that between his facial markings and his armor, he looked the part of a highly trained warrior. _Let's not assume he's here to be hostile, Shep. Just focus._

"Where'd Captain Anderson run off to?" She asked casually. "He said he'd meet me here. And why do you want to talk? You've been creeping over my shoulder for the past day, barely saying a word. You've had your chances."

"Captain Anderson is on his way…I'm interested in this world we're going to. Eden Prime…I hear it's quite beautiful." The turian said, pacing slowly around the room. Shepard decided to cut off his ability to circle her and propped herself against the wall.

"Don't know, never been." She responded nonchalantly, waving her hand dismissively. "Get to the point."

"But you know about it. It's become something of a symbol to your people, hasn't it? Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies across the galaxy, but also protect them. But…how safe is it, really?" Nihlus asked, his condescending tone irritating her to no end.

Shepard shook her head and laughed. "What's your point? Every race's fleets are capped and no one has enough to fully protect each colony. I know that, you know that. You don't think an organized band of slavers could waltz into some backwater turian colony and get out before reinforcements arrive? Come on. Planets are as safe as the forces protecting them can make them, and that's just how it is. What are you getting at?"

"Your people are still newcomers, Shepard. Humanity has expanded quickly… some might say too quickly. The galaxy can be a very dangerous place. Is the Alliance truly ready for this?" the turian asked, stopping his pacing as Anderson marched into the room.

"I think it's about time we told the commander what's really going on." Anderson said, stopping a few feet beside Nihlus. Shepard rolled her eyes at the confirmation. _Kind of wish the higher ups would stop playing these games. They're stupid._

"It's pretty obvious that there's something bigger going on. Finally deciding to fill me in, Captain?" Shepard asked, trying to keep her tone civil, but her gut was telling her she was in for some bad news.

"We're making a covert pickup on Eden Prime, that's why we needed the IES online. Information was on a strictly need-to-know basis, the brass decided that." Anderson said, his voice softening in an attempt to appease the Commander, but Shepard wasn't having it. She burst away from the wall and began clenching and unclenching her hands, pacing to try and calm herself down. _Need to know basis? Fuck that. This is rotten…this…fuck, I should have stayed home on Amaterasu!_

"Anderson…" she gritted out slowly, "I don't like being kept in the dark. There's no such thing as a 'need-to-know' basis when you're housing a full team of specialists who've been willingly isolated from outside channels for months. What exactly are you going to ask your crew to accomplish with zero preparation and without proper intel?"

"Shepard, you know how the Alliance is with this. There are reasons why information is withheld. Anyway, a research team on Eden Prime unearthed some kind of beacon during an excavation. It was Prothean." Anderson stated, bringing Shepard to pause mid-step.

"Prothean? Didn't those guys vanish fifty thousand years ago?" Shepard asked, confused at why a beacon would be on Eden Prime.

"Their legacy still remains. The mass relays, the Citadel, our ship drives…it's all based on Prothean technology." Nihlus noted, looking to Anderson.

"This is big, Shepard. The last time humanity made a discovery like this, it jumped our technology forward two hundred years." He said firmly, Shepard quickly grasping the importance of the situation. "But Eden Prime doesn't have the facilities to handle something like this. We need to bring the beacon back to the Citadel for proper study."

"This obviously goes beyond mere human interests, Commander. This discovery could affect every species in Council space." Nihlus added, Anderson nodding along with him.

"Okay, so we find a beacon, we can't study it ourselves so we take it to the Citadel. We get brownie points from the Council, and everyone wins." Shepard stated, processing the situation. "But Eden Prime's in the traverse. Even if you kept it a need-to-know basis here on this ship, there's an entire colony down below with researchers and scientists and farmers and everything. Can we trust the intel we have or are we going in blind? Word leaks out to ANYONE down there and suddenly we could have batarians on our doorstep. Slaver rings coming in fast. Omega and all of terminus might be licking their chops at this if intel was leaked."

"That was my point earlier, Commander." Nihlus noted, drawing a glare from Shepard.

"No colony is safe from a massive intel breach, Spectre." Shepard growled. "Please tell me you have someone on the ground feeding you reports in real time, or I swear to god…"

"Shepard, you know that's a security risk. You know I'm keeping this whole thing low-key. Anyway, you're right. Sharing the beacon will improve humanity's relations with the Council. Plus, we need their scientific expertise…they know more about the Protheans than we do." Anderson said, nodding to Nihlus after, who stepped toward her.

"The beacon's not the only reason I'm here, Shepard." The turian stated, which got Shepard's attention. _Here comes the punchline for this sick joke of a mission…_

"Well, it can't hurt to help, either way. The Council did help build this ship, it'd be a shame if it was ruined on a 'shakedown run'. I'm expecting the worst kind of trouble, so please, what else are you here for?" she said cooly, with a touch of sarcasm.

"Nihlus wants to see you in action, Commander. He's here to evaluate you." Anderson said, Shepard stopping to stare at him blankly. _What. Well then…_

"What, you mean to tell me that the last twelve hours of him creeping in my personal space hasn't just been for his pleasure? Pray tell, what findings have you made?" her sarcasm was in full force this time, drawing a flicker of ire from her Captain as Nihlus's mandibles moved slightly.

Anderson stepped toward her, beckoning her to calm down. "You're smart enough to know how things work, Commander. The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time. Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel Council. The Spectres represent the Council's power and authority…if they accept a human into their ranks, it shows how far the Alliance has come."

Shepard stood still, taking in Anderson's words in pieces as her brain fumbled to make sense of it. _A Spectre? Like…like Blasto?_

"I was impressed when I studied the reports from Torfan. A grim business…but you got the job done. That's why I put your name forward as a candidate for the Spectres. After a number of years waiting, it seems that I'm finally able to evaluate you personally." Nihlus interjected, having noticed Shepard was about to blow a gasket on Anderson.

Shepard placed her hands on the top of her head and began pacing again, wide-eyed in shock. _I've been sitting around for months…years…and only doing stupid missions or brutally dangerous missions in the meantime. I figured it was politics after Torfan but…they went all this way to keep me hidden because of this?_

"Anderson, why didn't the Alliance choose Locke…hell, even Atwood would have been a more politically correct choice. The woman survived Akuze! It makes no sense that the Alliance settled on me. Not after this long." Shepard stated, staring at Anderson.

"Yet, they did eventually decide on you." Anderson said simply.

"Need I remind you that I was branded a 'hero' by the Alliance, which was pretty much revoked when the public reaction was so bad that people kind of saw me as a murderer. I don't think I'm a good representative for the Alliance, for humanity…at least in how they want to see themselves represented. And you…" she said, turning her focus to Nihlus, who seemed amused, from his body language. "Why would you nominate a human?"

"Not all turians resent humanity. Some of us see the potential in your species. We see what you have to offer to the rest of the galaxy…and to the Spectres. We are an elite group. It's rare to find an individual with the skills we seek. I don't care that you're human, Shepard. I care that you can do the job." Nihlus stated firmly, eliciting a nod from Shepard.

"I can accept that. If humanity…if the Alliance wants this so bad, I'll give it a shot." She declared, stopping her pacing and turning to the duo.

"This isn't about you, Shepard. This is about Humanity. We need this. Nihlus will need to see your abilities personally, and he'll be escorting you on a number of missions after this one." Anderson said, bringing his hands behind his back and straightening his posture. "For now, you'll be in charge of the ground team on Eden Prime. Secure the beacon and get it back into the ship asap. Nihlus will accompany you and observe the mission, as I said before."

Shepard shrugged, resigning herself to her fate. "I'm ready to go whenever you need me." She said, patting her body-armor. _Not the heaviest around, but I like the balance of mobility and protection. Just right for my front line antics…_ "Just give the word, Captain."

"We should be getting close to Eden…" Anderson stated before Joker came over the comms, cutting him off.

"Captain! We have a problem!" Shepard heard the pilot say, the duo too busy to hear her exasperated sigh. _Great…_ "We've got a transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You'd better see this!"

"Bring it up onscreen." Anderson said, a video soon appearing on the screen, showing what seemed to be a firefight between some Alliance soldiers and an unseen foe.

The footage was madness, bodies being torn down where they stood, explosions ringing off in all directions, one of the soldiers ranting about a surprise attack before his cover was attacked and the footage cut out. _No shit, heavy casualties…that looks like a massacre…fucking Torfan all over again, and I'm supposed to walk into that unprepared? Christ…_

"Everything cuts out after that. No comm traffic at all. Just goes dead…there's nothing." Joker noted somberly.

"Anderson, we need to get down there right now!" Shepard yelled, but Anderson didn't seem to notice.

"Reverse and hold at thirty-eight point five seconds. Status report." He said flatly, too focused on what was frozen on the screen to notice Shepard waving a hand in front of his face.

"Seventeen minutes out, Captain. No other Alliance ships in the area." Shepard nodded, seething with rage and began to move toward the door when Anderson reached out and grabbed her. She turned slightly and looked back at the screen, noticing a large dark spacecraft emanating what appeared to be lightning from tentacle-like protrusions. _Thrusters? What the hell is that thing?_

"Take us in, Joker. Fast and quiet. This mission just got a lot more complicated." He said, before turning his focus to Shepard. "Grab your gear and meet us in the cargo hold. Tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up, Commander. You're going in."

Shepard shook her head animatedly, glaring at Anderson. "I can't take Jenkins, sir. He's real antsy around me and he'll be a hazard to himself down there. Let me take Murakami instead."

"Jenkins is the most experienced, we need as much of that as we can muster. You'll lead a small strike team to the beacon, it'll help you move quickly and without drawing undue attention. It's our best chance." Anderson said firmly, letting go of her shoulder. Shepard shrugged him off, moving out the door and downstairs to the elevator.

_This just got a hell of a lot more complicated, Anderson. Christ, why do these things always happen when I'm around? Here comes the butcher to save the day…I'm sure no one will possibly blame me for any of this, when all's said and done…and seriously, this fucking elevator. Come on!_ She thought, pounding repeatedly at the button for the lift.


	3. A Single Explosion

Kaidan looked back at Jenkins' body and frowned. He'd been training with the fun-loving marine for nearly a year, putting up with the corporal's pranks for just as long; it didn't feel real that he was dead. Jenkins had been nervous, certainly, but Kaidan could understand. _This is his home, and he wanted to defend it. I'm not sure whether the Commander or Nihlus helped any, either, considering his infatuation with Spectres, and his fear of Shepard._ He thought, walking after the Commander, who'd slowly, cautiously made her way a little ahead of him.

_At least she said he'd get a proper burial when this is over. That was…surprising. We can't just leave him like that…_ his thoughts were interrupted by Shepard signaling him to move to cover across from her _. Her eyes are just…cold? She's been so calm this whole time. I don't know if she even felt anything when Jenkins died._ As he rolled to cover, he saw her advance slightly, noticing the same duo of flying drones that he did. She popped her head out of cover for a few seconds, long enough to grab their attention, and ducked back down, signaling to Kaidan to ready his aim. He nodded and took a deep breath before peeking out behind his tree and taking aim at the nearest drone. Shepard fired her shotgun into the air, grazing a drone, before slipping from cover and double-tapping the farther drone, her back completely turned to the closest one, which Kaidan finished off quickly.

_She's too reckless!_ He thought, a small pit of anger growing inside him as he rushed up to her. "Commander, what are you thinking?" he asked as calmly as he could striding beside her. "We just saw Jenkins get downed by some of those things, and you turn your back to them?"

Shepard kept staring straight ahead, moving from cover to cover. "Alenko, are you saying the trust I have in you is misplaced?" she asked flatly, sounding almost bored. "There were only two drones. I grazed one and wrecked the other, trusting that you'd be trained with a pistol or your biotics enough to take out the damaged one. It was a calculated risk, and now I'm sure that you can at least be trusted here."

"I'm just saying, it was a bit crazy, ma'am." He noted, not sure whether her putting trust in him was a compliment or not.

"Missions like this, you need to be efficient. Just follow my lead and you'll be fine, Lieutenant." She stated, holding her hand up to him as she stopped. "I'm sorry I can't give you any time to grieve, but this is bigger than us right now. Let's get this done, alright?"

Kaidan felt himself nod, but he couldn't help but wonder about the Commander's actions. _She says she wants to be efficient, but she's not using her biotics at all…what exactly does efficient mean to her?_

Far off ahead of them, he heard the familiar sound of an assault rifle echo through the forest they'd been trudging through. By the time he had looked at Shepard, she was racing off ahead of him. "I don't think I'm going to find out anytime soon", he grumbled to himself as he chased off after her. Soon, a marine came into view, dashing toward them and veering off behind a nearby rock for cover, a number of bipedal robots in pursuit.

Shepard darted past the rock and the exhausted looking marine and biotically charged into the pack of robots, sending them flying through the air toward where they'd come from. _Well, it looks like she has this covered._ He thought, quickly making his way to the marine. Her armor was chipped in spots, covered in blood and mud, and a nauseating pink and white colour pattern. The marine was too busy catching her breath and clutching her rifle to notice Kaidan's arrival. He pulled out a canister of water from his pack and held it in front of her face. It only took a moment for her to realize what it was and grab it from his hands, uncorking the top and downing a few gulps of it before she offered it back.

"You looked like you needed it." He said, noticing the gunfire had stopped.

"Thanks for your help. I didn't think I was gonna make it." She said, breathing heavily still. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here, sir?"

As he was about to answer, Shepard strolled around into cover beside them, pulling out an energy bar and taking a bite of it. "Are you wounded, Williams?"

The woman shook her head somberly, her eyes having difficulty moving away from the N7 on the Commander's chestplate. "A few scrapes and burns. Nothing serious. The others weren't so lucky."

"What happened here?" Shepard asked, Williams trailing her gaze to Kaidan and then back to the Commander. Kaidan wanted to tell her to introduce herself to the marine, but he wasn't sure it would win him any favour from the Commander.

"Oh man… we were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit. We tried to get off a distress call, but they cut our comms down pretty quickly. I've been fighting for my life ever since." Receiving a nod from Shepard, she continued. "We…we tried to double back to the beacon. My Lieutenant, he'd set up some defenses near it and ordered us to fall back but…it was a slaughter. They ambushed us…I don't think any of the others…I think I'm the only one left." She finished dejectedly, head bowed in what Kaidan could only expect was shame.

Shepard took a light hold of William's shoulder and leant in toward her, surprising Kaidan. "Williams, don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault. You're dealing with an unknown enemy and they understandably got the jump on you. You couldn't have saved them."

"I…yes, ma'am. We held our positions until we were overrun, but…I think they were geth, ma'am." Williams said quietly. Kaidan recoiled at the notion. _It can't be…that's impossible!_

"The geth haven't been seen outside the veil in nearly two hundred years. Why would they be here now? Are you sure this isn't eclipse?" Kaidan asked skeptically. Ashley shrugged.

"I remember seeing diagrams of them when I was on course a while back, learning some inter-species tolerance stuff, history of galactic politics...I'm pretty sure it's them. I think they came here for the beacon. The dig site's close, just over that rise. That's where we set up our defenses, but…" Ash explained, before Shepard gently pushed Williams' rifle into the marine's chest.

"Williams, we could use your help. All I ask of you is that you pull the trigger at any geth you see. Myself and Alenko will take lead, you cover our backs. Sound good?" Shepard asked, glancing back at him. Alenko nodded at the suggestion. _Three's better than two, and so long as she isn't pushed too hard, she might be alright, but losing her whole unit…_

"Aye aye, ma'am. It's time for some payback." Williams declared, stepping in behind the Commander as she moved out of cover and toward the dig site. Kaidan looked around as the three of them pushed forward, grimacing at the wreckage and slaughter around him. _This was a paradise, but…all the burned trees, the destruction and ruins of buildings, the…hell, that arcology building's been sliced in half! Just…where are all the bodies? I see soldiers, but not many civilians…maybe there's some hope…_

He noticed the pink and white marine fall back beside him and nudge his side, disrupting his thoughts for a moment.

"So…who's she, exactly?" Williams asked, warily. "Not often I see an N7 walking around. First time, really."

"I'm sorry she forgot to introduce herself. She's Commander…Shepard of the SSV Normandy." Kaidan noted apologetically, Williams' eyes widening at his words. He noticed the Commander had stopped up ahead of them at a large opening. "Let's go see what's up."

As they approached, Shepard turned around; the anger that had erupted across her face left him surprised for what seemed to be too many times in a single day.

"Just got a call from Nihlus, said he's on his way to the spaceport now. The beacon's obviously not here, so it'll probably be there…we should try to catch up to him. But first, Williams, this is where your commanding officer had you fall back to?" Shepard asked, a distinct edge in her voice. Williams nodded slowly.

"Yeah, we came here to defend the beacon." Ash said quietly, Shepard walking right up to her.

"Do you notice anything wrong with this setup? How long did you stay here before leaving?" Shepard asked, though it sounded more like a demand to Kaidan than anything else. Williams took a few seconds to consider her answer.

"It's in a pit, and the path down from the hill to the dig site circles around our defenses. There are support pillars nearby that would be useful cover for any attackers." Ashley answered, sounding annoyed. Shepard nodded vigorously.

"Your commanding officer was absolutely inept and led you to slaughter. Don't blame yourself for this, Williams. A well placed grenade would have you scrambling out of there, and they could fire from any direction and hit exposed marines. This was a deathtrap to defend. That you survived it is credit to your ability. You did all you could." Shepard stated, seeming to calm slightly as she ranted. "Now come on, we've got a beacon to take back and some geth to kill."

He followed Shepard and a somewhat relieved looking Williams up the path onto the hill, overlooking a bloodstained field and a few smoldering buildings, the vague outline of the spaceport visible off in the distance. As the trio approached a less damaged prefab building, he heard Williams call out.

"Oh God, what the hell did they do?!" she exclaimed, drawing his and Shepard's attention to a number of large metal spikes assembled far to their left. Kaidan gasped, spotting limp, discoloured bodies atop them. "Why…why would they…impale them? Oh my God."

Kaidan shook his head as the three stepped cautiously closer. "Classic psychological warfare. They're using terror as a weapon." He noted, taking a better look at one of the bodies, which slowly began to be lowered to the ground, causing them to wriggle and flail their limbs. "Oh God, they're still alive!"

"You two, get behind me, they could be a threat." Shepard warned, readying her shotgun as she moved up close to one of the bodies that was just getting to ground level as the spike retracted fully. She paused for a moment and then pulled the trigger at it, exploding the grayish blue body into goop.

"Kill them!" she ordered, pivoting and unleashing another blast at a second of the blue figures. Kaidan stood back, unable to process what was happening as he witnessed several of the impaled bodies struggle off their platforms and stumble quickly toward the Commander, letting out monstrous guttural howls. He saw Williams open fire at a duo headed toward her, their bodies disintegrating as her bullets impacted their torso. "Alenko!"

His attention flew back to the Commander, engaged in hand to hand against a half dozen of the disfigured bodies, slicing off limbs with her knife as if they were made of butter, the body parts seeming to melt into puddles of goop and wires as they hit the ground. One held her in place, an electrical aura erupting around it as the thing unleashed a loud moan. He readied a stasis and threw it at one of the husks, allowing Shepard to quickly finish off the rest, free from its grapple.

Satisfied that they were all safe, Kaidan relaxed for a moment before realizing Shepard was marching up to him. "Alenko. What part of 'Kill them' did you not understand?" She asked icily, wiping more goop off of herself.

Kaidan shook his head and straightened his posture. _No way I'm getting reamed out for this._ "Commander, why did you shoot first? These were probably bodies of civilians, they could have been saved!"

Shepard let out laugh in disgust. "They were goop held together by tubes and wires, Alenko. Whatever they were once, they couldn't ever be again. They're zombies, basically, from what i can tell. Husks held together by all that shit, grey bodies because their blood was all gone. Not human. Not anymore. Just husks." She took another step toward him and placed both hands on his shoulders. "I'm going to need you on the same page if we're going to get through this. I need to know I can trust you. We work as a team. If you have something to say, say it, because it might be a good idea. If you have concerns, air them, but in the meantime, don't stop watching your team's back. That's how people die, Alenko."

Kaidan nodded, wanting to be right, but he'd seen the evidence. "Well, at least we know what those spikes are for now…turning our dead against us."

Shepard stared straight into his eyes, and for a moment he thought he saw rage swirling through them; one blink and it was gone. "Well, we better make sure we get this done asap so that less people are defiled, Alenko."

Williams walked up to them slowly and gestured off toward the prefab they'd been heading to. "I helped some people in there while my unit fell back. We should check and see if they're alright, ma'am."

"Good call, Williams." She said, turning her gaze back to Alenko. "Let's go."

Kaidan fell in alongside them and wondered whether or not they'd catch up to the beacon, considering the detour. _Well, maybe Nihlus is having better luck than we are…_

* * *

_The whole thing's a bloody mess,_ Shepard thought to herself, moving as quickly as she could toward the spaceport. _Even if civilians are alive, most of them are going nuts and have lost their minds. Something's seriously not right about this. I haven't heard from Nihlus in a while either…_

It hadn't been a good day for Commander Shepard. She'd lost a member of her crew, witnessed some of the worst defense tactics she'd ever seen, which had gotten nearly an entire unit of good marines killed, and she'd seen firsthand what the civilians had been mutated into by the geth. On top of that, the beacon had been taken; as far as she was concerned, the small covert mission would almost be a waste without it. _At least we've got Williams. We just need to get to the spaceport, hopefully Nihlus will have something for us…oh, fuck._

As she approached the lip of the hill, she spotted a horde of geth and husks gathered around the spaceport and the base of the hill, with a good number of the robots piling in toward the spaceport's tram. She scanned her surroundings, looking for cover, when she spotted Nihlus hiding behind a pre-fab beside the port. _Let's give you some room, Spectre…_

"Alenko, Williams. I'll need you to get behind that wrecked hover pallet for cover. On the count of three, you toss as many grenades as you can afford down into that pack. Once that's done, I'll need you to use some lifts on larger groups as they make it up the hill, Alenko. Maybe a throw here and there. Williams, just shoot like you mean it, and don't stop." Shepard said, tossing their new recruit a mod for her gun. "Helps spread out your heat so you can shoot longer. Now get into positions. I want everyone watching each other's back until the threat's over."

Kaidan looked to the group and then back to her. "Commander, there's too many of them. We need to wait for the geth to pile away."

"Negative" she said, shaking her head. "I know it's a risk, Alenko, but I don't see a beacon down there. That means it's probably on the tram, about to be whisked away. We've got a Spectre down there waiting for a shot, we need to provide a distraction so he can sneak past them. We land a strong initial volley and we'll have them at a disadvantage. We've got high ground and cover, which should swing the odds in our favour."

At that, the lieutenant hesitantly nodded, and she received a confirmation from Williams. Shepard counted down with her fingers and smiled as the three of them launched a number of grenades into the field below, detonating and sending dozens of Geth and Husks spiraling wildly into the air, shrapnel exploding into the pack and reducing many of the husks to goop.

The chaos didn't last long as a dozen geth and at least as many husks rampaged up the hill; the husks as the vanguard, while the geth held back providing cover fire. She could hear Williams yell obscenities at their enemies, cutting the husks down at their knees while Kaidan lifted a small pack of the robots behind them, allowing for Shepard to use her new Stinger heavy pistol to shoot the limp, floating geth down one by one.

"Commander!" Kaidan yelled over Williams' gunfire, grabbing Shepard's attention as she sat behind cover, her pistol cooling. "Nihlus is down there with another Turian!"

"What?!" Shepard yelled out, peeking her head around the corner and firing off another shot at an oncoming husk. Her eyes scanned from where Nihlus was to a small ledge on the spaceport, where two turians were seemingly having a heated discussion. She popped back into cover and switched to her trusty firestorm shotgun. _Looks like we might have some company…_

"Shepard! Nihlus is down, and that other turian's heading toward the tram!" Kaidan yelled throwing back two husks that had gotten a few feet too close, hurtling them through the air down to the base of the hill. Shepard spun around her cover and raced downhill, charging through four of the remaining seven geth, bursting them into shrapnel as she peppered oncoming husks with shotgun blasts. Peeking over her shoulder as she reached the bottom of the hill, she smiled. _Only two geth and a few dazed husks. They'll be fine._

She made her way quickly up the stairs and looked over to where Nihlus's corpse laid, his head having been splattered into bits all across the steel walkway. _Well, fuck. Add a dead Spectre to the list and today just keeps getting worse._ She thought, racing toward the tram in time to get a glimpse of the other turian. _Real strange fringe on that one…he looks kind of cybernetic, too…_

Soon after checking Nihlus' body again for any clues or audio recordings on his omni, she heard Alenko and Williams make their way over to her. Shepard stood up and nodded at the duo. "Good work you two, thanks for taking care of the rest when I took off, I had to get a closer look at who killed Nihlus. I've got good news and bad news."

"I'll take the good news first ma'am, if you don't mind." Williams stated tiredly. _She's been through a lot today. I hope we can get this over with soon so she can get some rest._

" Good news is I got a good look at that turian, so I might be able to recognize him if someone gives me some holos to look from. He seemed to know Nihlus, because I doubt Nihlus would let himself get shot in the back of the head like he did. Also, we worked like a team, and mopped up. Seriously, be proud of yourselves." Shepard stated, offering a smile to her two companions.

"And the bad news?" Kaidan asked, warily.

"Bad news is that a bunch of geth and that turian left on the tram, probably with the beacon. That means we need to wait for the tram to get back here before we pursue. I sent Anderson a message and he's trying to figure out what's going on while we wait, so…we'll have to wait a few minutes. Not good for them to have such a time advantage on us." Shepard said, dejectedly.

"Who was the turian, anyway?" Williams asked, peeking round Shepard at the body.

"A Spectre accompanying us on this mission." Shepard stated, shrugging. "He was a bit of a jerk, but I don't think he deserved this. He was here to evaluate…" she stated, before her gaze trailed up, and jaw dropped, her companions quickly following suit. _What in the Christ! That ship is…enormous!_

The ship from the distress signal rose into the sky far off in the distance, looking to be easily a kilometer long, still wreathed in lightning as it flew into the clouds. Shepard opened her comms hastily. "Anderson, you've got a massive ship heading your way, I'd steer clear of it if I were you. Get that stealth on if you're not already hiding!"

"Look at the size of it…God! Who makes ships that big?" Ashley asked, the trio too stunned to really say anything else, only drawing their eyes off the sky as it disappeared into the clouds.

She received static in return, but hoped Anderson had gotten the gist of her message, or had spotted the ship in time to cloak. A few moments later, the clacking of the cargo tram sounded from a level down. Gesturing to head out, the three quickly and cautiously made their way downstairs, Kaidan scouting ahead for geth. The lieutenant slid back into cover quickly.

"Only five geth. Three of them have rockets, but…less resistance than I expected." He stated, pulling out his pistol.

"Then we might have a party waiting for us wherever this thing goes. Just use the separator walls as cover and potshot them to death, alright?" Shepard asked, receiving an odd look from Williams.

"Geth are just robots, can they really 'die', Commander?" she asked, Shepard shrugging in response. _Don't really know the answer to that…_

"Let's leave the philosophical talk for after the mission, but I'd be happy to look into that, Williams." Shepard said, turning out of cover and crawling over to the tram and behind one of the small walls.

They activated the tram, sending them all rushing quickly down the rail toward the next port, their scattered and well timed gunfire making quick work of the rocket troops. Williams picked up one of the rocket launchers as they waited at the head of the tram, watching Eden prime's farms and pre-fabs fly by.

"I've never seen one of these before, but…I think there's a trigger mechanism here somewhere." Williams stated, her hand feeling around the device for a trigger until she found one at the side. "Ah, there we go! So, Commander, are we crashing the party?"

Shepard laughed and nodded. "Well, with MY luck…" she started before the next port came into view. Her luck held, as a few dozen geth stood by the loading area where the tram would get off. "Get down, ready your weapons!"

As the tram neared, more of the geth's gunfire hailed against the vehicle, shuddering it to a stop a bit short of the end of the rail. The assault was nonstop, the geth alternating their fire in order to maintain a constant stream. Bits of steel blew off the railings, and Shepard grimaced, knowing their cover wouldn't last long. _Think think think think think..._

"How many grenades do you all have left?" she asked the duo. Kaidan raised one finger, Williams was out. Shepard rolled one over to her and nodded. "On my count, toss your grenades into the middle of the pack! Ready?" she asked, taking a few deep breaths and biting into the remains of her unfinished energy bar from before. The two nodded, so she began the countdown. As her hand made a fist, two grenades lobbed through the air into the crowd, giving Shepard enough of a distraction to swing out of cover. A few geth broke apart by the blasts, the rest taking damage to their shields, but their fire had partially halted.

"Overload whatever you can Alenko!" she shouted, sprinting off the tram and exploding into the pack of geth with a biotic charge, tossing her last two grenades to the side of her as she made impact. White hot pain coursed through her, but she pivoted, spraying her shotgun fire to the left of her as her grenades went off, flinging more geth around the loading area, a leg smacking her on the face as she rolled her body to absorb the impact. She could barely hear it, but was happy she was getting cover fire and some friendly explosions, unloading another shotgun blast into a rocket troop before rolling away from the group. Looking over her shoulder, there were about a dozen geth still standing, including one massive one heading toward her from the back of the pack. Her legs feeling like mush, she struggled to stand and took a moment to brace herself before pushing off at the pack of distracted geth, taking a few hits to her barrier as she charged again.

For a moment, all she felt was pain, and then a feeling of dizziness. Her eyes opened to a sight of strewn geth parts and the world spinning around her as the monstrous geth spun her through the air by her leg. She barely had time to think before she felt a distinct pop in her left leg and a fleeting feeling of flying before she impacted against the wall, evacuating all the air out of her lungs as she felt her armor shatter. Vision blurred, she saw the profile of the beastly geth sauntering toward her before freezing in place and falling over, collapsing to the ground. She absently felt around her waist, fingers searching for her pack before opening it and pulling out a small medical patch. _I think I'm going to need you, this time…_ she lazily mused, peeling the package open.

"Commander!" she heard, the voice muffled as two figures approached quickly. _I don't think the doc's gonna like these injuries one bit…_ Shepard found an open spot near her thigh and applied the small sticky material, feeling relief of the blinding pain within seconds.

"God, I think half a foot's coming out of her shoulder…what should we do?" she heard Williams ask, frantic.

"I'm not sure…I have some medical training, but this…I don't know what I can do." Kaidan responded, kneeling down to get a better look at her. Shepard's vision was clearing and the pain was slowly drifting away, letting her get a better look at herself as she sat slumped against the wall. She reached toward a large metal shard sticking out of her leg when Alenko stopped her, holding her arm gently. "Easy, Commander. You're pretty badly hurt."

"We're wasting time, Alenko. Help me up." She stated calmly, wresting her arm from his grasp and quickly pulling the shard out, forcing the breath from out of her lungs again from the sharp pain. With her other hand, she took a package of medigel and squeezed part of it onto the wounds, packing it flat with the back of her hand. Williams ducked beside her and gingerly pulled the geth foot from her shoulder, surprised that it had mostly been laying on top of it, the wound not being too severe. Shepard offered the rest of the gel to Alenko, who packed the wound while Williams helped her to her feet.

She took a few steadying breaths before gesturing for Alenko to grab her shotgun for her. The lieutenant shook his head, baffled at her, but she hardened her glare at him. Shotgun in hand, she strode toward the stairs, bits of armor hanging off of her and blood streaming down her body from the minor shrapnel wounds. _That's what I get for charging into a bunch of robots. They're not fleshy, Shepard. Think twice next time! Between that and all the damage from their weird rifles and my own grenades, I'm going to need a new set of armor…hell, I think the most protected things on my body are my hands, now…_

The trio slowly made their way up the steps, accounting for Shepard's slightly sluggish gait, and froze near the top railing, spotting a geth frantically working at a long cylindrical device. Shepard tossed out a minor lift, and Kaidan followed it up with a throw, sending the geth soaring through the air into the lake nearby. She turned and smiled at the Lieutenant, who chuckled to himself before turning serious once he got closer to the device.

"Shepard, it's a bomb." He said, letting out an exasperated sigh. Shepard felt like doing the same thing as she pivoted and checked the surroundings. _Can this day get any worse?_ "Do you know how to disable them?"

Shepard shook her head, disgusted at their poor luck. "Not a chance. It'd take me forever, and my patch will wear off by then if the bomb doesn't." she growled, turning to face Williams. "The two of us will scan the area and see if there's any more bombs. If we're lucky, it's just the one, but we need to make sure."

"Ma'am, I don't think you'll be too safe walking around like that. I mean, your whole stomach's basically exposed, and geth don't really have bad aim…" Williams stammered, looking to Alenko for support.

"Afraid I'm going to have to agree with the Commander. I can defuse these, but you'll need to keep them off my back. Let me know if there are others and…well, stay safe, Commander." He said, as he opened up the device and stuck his hands in.

Williams reluctantly led her up the next set of stairs and began patrolling the walkway. She knew she was on borrowed time until her body would start to shut down, so she tried to make the most of it, helping Williams flank the few geth soldiers still around the area, and flagging bombs quickly for Alenko to deal with. She felt lucky, to a degree, that by the end of the fighting, she'd only earned a scratch across her right forearm for her troubles, but when they all saw the beacon, she felt that maybe the injuries were worth it _. It's here, and it's working, and we just might get out of here with it! Finally, a positive break!_

Alenko and Williams made their way down the staircases and stopped as they reached the base of it, a collective guttural chorus of moans sounding through the air as the duo took steps back toward Shepard. _Husks. Well then…_ she groaned internally, pulling her shotgun back out.

The trio fired until their heatsinks whined under duress, leaving Alenko to toss biotic throws, sending a few violently back against the railing, their bodies exploding. More filled their space, though, as a few dozen shambled toward the stairs.

"Back up the stairwell! Back to the top… Alenko call Anderson for Evac!" Shepard yelled, firing off a burst of her shotgun, feeling her left knee buckling from the recoil. The trio fought off the horde bit by bit, having bottlenecked them into the long staircase. Shepard swapped her shotgun for her knife and pistol quickly when Williams cleared the front row, giving her a little more flexibility. _I'll have to thank her later…_ she thought, her body quickly tiring.

"I'm gonna charge, buy me some time, you two." She muttered under her breath, stepping back after slicing a Husk's head off. Both filled her void immediately, but beyond her focusing, she could hear their protests. _No time. This beacon needs to be rescued, and these two need to get back in one piece. Just might have to spend some quiet time with Chakwas…_

Her body wreathed in blue, she let out a yell, Alenko and Williams parting as she exploded into the column of husks, their wiry and ooze-filled bodies erupting at the impact. As her momentum halted, she fought to keep afoot, her hand reaching out for the railing while she sliced at a nearby husk with the other. Williams and Alenko rushed down to her and pushed the final remaining husks back, slaughtering them at the base of the steps.

"Commander, what were you thinking?!" Alenko yelled, drawing a hearty laugh from Shepard.

"I …wanted to secure the…beacon. You two…go check the area… in case there's more. I…need a breather." She coughed out, breathing heavily, her limbs feeling like jelly. She saw him hesitate before nodding, and Williams lingered slightly, but they both followed orders, taking off in opposite directions to cover both ends of the pier.

_Well, I think we did it. Cost us Jenkins…Nihlus…and a hell of a lot of civilians died from the bloody geth…Geth! Seriously! What are the odds? And another turian? That's…really strange._ She thought, spitting out a wad of blood and saliva onto the floor so she could breathe easier. _All for this beacon? Fuck, someone dropped the ball something fierce this time…fucking intel… I…_ a slight green glow off ahead of her tore her from her thoughts as she witnessed Kaidan slowly getting pulled into the glowing beacon, which seemed to have activated.

Immediately, her legs felt energetic and adrenaline carried her body over to him. She heard Williams shout at him from somewhere off to the side, but it wasn't any use. The marine was too far away. Shepard wasn't, diving and tackling the potential Elvis impersonator from the grip of the beacon, sending him tumbling to the ground. That very instant, she felt her body pulled up unto the air toward it, her limbs fully outstretched from its force.

A single explosion erupted in her mind, her reality shattering into fragments as visions were reflected through them. Unfamiliar memories, bodies and screams echoed through her field of vision, reverberating through her core as the sorrow and terror of the explosion tore through her. She felt her memories pulled to the forefront to block out the madness she was witnessing, but the scourge quickly overwhelmed them; collapsing each comfort into tainted, infested versions of what she held dear. She felt her afternoons in the park awash in flames, ripped from her grasp alongside wailing family and friends; she saw cities in ruins, she saw shorelines of corpses, she felt years of torturous agony in place of the cool morning breeze. No matter what her senses grasped, it was replaced by an indecipherable horror spreading through her consciousness, poisoning her dreams and memories like a cancer; peeling her away layer by layer until it spilled over all she was, or would be.

As her mind began to fail under the enervation of her consciousness, she saw her home ablaze in flames, rotting as large ominous machines fell down from the sky toward it. A voice in the back of her mind grew louder and louder until it shattered everything into darkness.


	4. Still Light

First, she felt a numbing pain pulsing all around her, stirring her from her slumber into a half-awake state. She felt her muscles ache with each breath, signaling the brain that there was some healing to do. Then, she felt the nausea ripple through her as her eyes opened, culminating in a rather graceless bout of vomiting off the side of the medical bed she'd been laid onto at some point in time, her body coursing in dull pain as she'd leant over onto her side to keep from heaving on herself. _What a start to the day…_ she thought, groggily.

Her eyes caught sight of someone with a suction device and an antibacterial cloth cleaning up the mess in front of her while another set of hands held a bucket in front of her face. Shepard pushed out as much of the vile juices that she could before slumping onto her back again, her throat feeling like she'd made out with a thresher maw. _Or at least, what I figure it feels like. This might be worse. Ugh_.

"Alenko, can you wait outside while I give the Commander a checkup?" she heard the doctor ask. _Alenko? Why's he here? Did he get injured?_ "And don't tell the Captain quite yet, I am sure he's anxious to get a hold of her, but she's off-limits until I am done with her, are we clear?"

She heard the door close as Chakwas approached her with a frown. The older woman gestured for her aide to leave, someone Shepard couldn't really muster up the energy to look at, given her condition. _Well, at least the doctor will get some sleep around here. Always nice to have help…_

"You had us worried there, Commander. How are you feeling?" Chakwas asked kindly. Shepard did her best to smile, but it likely looked more like a grimace.

"Not great. Like I got thrown at a wall by a giant robot." Shepard groaned, memories of her antics on Eden Prime coming back to her. "And call me Shepard, you've obviously seen me naked. Apparently that means some level of intimacy is in order." She said, grinning as she scooted herself closer to a sitting position, wincing all the way as she felt a headache begin to take shape.

"Well, from the amount of shrapnel you had sticking out of your body, Shepard, I'd say you more likely got thrown into a giant robot." Chakwas noted, taking a seat at her bedside. "In truth, it was mostly minor injuries. A lot of cuts and bruises, alongside exhaustion, dehydration and a minor concussion. Only some minor fractures in your ribs as well, but they're healing nicely at the moment."

"How long was I out for, Chakwas?" she asked, wiping the sleep from her eyes. _Not much of a sleep, though. I feel tired as hell. And my head's hurting…_

"Oh, nearly fifteen hours. I…have some concerns, Shepard. Something apparently happened with the beacon and…well, your readings are rather normal, but I detected some abnormal beta-waves while you were out, alongside an increase in your rapid eye movement. Normally, that would leave me to believe you were dreaming rather intensely, but it remained consistent for the whole duration, which is…unusual." The doctor stated, face etched with concern.

"Well, I guess…" Shepard started, trying to figure out what she wanted to say. _God, my head is just pounding!_ "I uh…you could say I was dreaming, yeah. More like a nightmare, though. I saw…fuck, I don't know. Death, destruction…nothing's really clear there, but I...I don't know." Shepard babbled, running a hand through her hair, brushing her curly brown locks out of her face.

"Hmmm, I had better add this to my report. You should be healed up in no time, Shepard, but I want to keep you here for observation. Just a few more hours, if you'll allow it." The doctor requested, eliciting a nod from Shepard.

"I don't think I have anywhere to go right now. Not that I feel up to walking, really." She stated, shrugging her shoulders and feeling a ripple of pain shoot through her body. She held in her gasp, biting hard down onto her lip, and scooted back further.

"Also, Shepard, I…I do not mean to pry, but you had some old injuries. I took the liberty to repair your right shoulder, as it hadn't healed quite properly. I hope you'll forgive me for that, but I'm sure it must have been uncomfortable beforehand." Chakwas said, before adjusting her seat to fully face the brunette. "And…you have some rather intense scarring that appears to be old. Again, I do not mean to pry, but…"

"Doc, it's fine. Thanks for fixing my shoulder up. Hurts now, but…well, it always got really stiff before. Maybe that's why." Shepard said, offering Chakwas a reassuring glance. "And the scarring…that's from a lifetime ago. I'm surprised Anderson didn't spill about it on my dossier."

"To be frank, Shepard, there's nothing from before you joined the Alliance's 'UNAS North' academy. It's not something I've ever experienced…normally I have some childhood records to look back on." Chakwas stated bluntly, taking a sip from a small teacup.

"I was held off official records before as a kid. Then I was pulled from Alliance records when I was twelve or so because of some extremist group. I don't think they ever really recovered those records, so that's probably why I'm a blank slate before joining the Alliance." She said, nonchalantly, wishing she could have something to drink that wouldn't terrorize the back of her throat.

Shepard heard the teacup placed harshly back on the desk. "Extremist group?" Chakwas's voice was low, her eyes urging Shepard to clarify. _Not something I really feel like talking about right now, doc…not with this headache, at least…_ she thought, holding the side of her head in hopes the pounding would subside a little.

"Note the scars on my back. I'll tell you some other time, but my throat is burning." Shepard groaned, sitting up fully, thankful that she didn't have many abdominal wounds. "And I've got a crazy headache."

The doctor quickly made her way off her chair and over to a nearby cabinet, hastily making a cocktail of fluids, and then dropping two pills in them. "This should help your ailments, Shepard, but you will probably feel a little sluggish."

Shepard nodded, taking the cup of milky liquid from her and downing it in a single go. _Odd…it's kind of spicy…_ She wiped her mouth and smiled at the gray-haired woman. "Thanks, doc. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Probably walk around with robot parts sticking out of you. Anyway, I'm done here, so I'll go get Anderson, I'm sure he's desperate to speak with you." Chakwas joked, moving toward the door and exiting out of it. To Shepard's dismay, Anderson marched in a few seconds afterward, stopping at the foot of her bed. _Not even enough time for me to roll my eyes, and he comes in the room…_

"How are you holding up, Commander?" he asked, drawing an annoyed sigh from her.

"I imagine you've got the reports by now, Captain. Probably the medical ones now too. I've got a bad headache and my throat feels like it's made of acid, and my body hurts everywhere. Besides all that, I'm feeling alright, though. All my readings are good, whatever that means." She offered, rolling her eyes a little and glancing over at the teacup Chakwas had been drinking from. _My voice is sounding pretty creaky…_

"Sounds like the beacon hit you pretty hard, Commander. You sure you're alright?" the older man asked. Shepard would have glared at him if she wasn't already feeling the effects of Chakwas' pick-me-up. _I owe you doc, I'm going to have to find out what you splurge credits on…_

"I'm fine, I'll live. That mission was a wreck, sir. Did you bring Williams on board and have Chakwas check her out? She was a little roughed up." She muttered, eying up the ring of blue detailing near the lip of the cup.

"We did bring her on board. With the loss of Jenkins, I figured we could use a good soldier like her. She's been reassigned to the Normandy." Anderson stated, earning a rare smile from the Commander.

"Good. She deserves it. She really held her own in there, really good marine. Jenkins, though…I feel bad about him. I don't like soldiers dying under my command. Even if they ignore my commands and run out of cover into the open. Just set the tone for the whole thing, you know?" she said, shaking her head slowly. "If I'd just sat him down before the mission and talked things out with him, maybe he'd be alive right now."

"Jenkins wasn't your fault, Shepard. You did a good job. I should have listened to you when you said he didn't seem fit. With everything that was going on, it would have been a wise choice." Anderson said somberly.

"No, no. In the end, you trusted he'd be capable on the ground, and I did too, but…I'm not sure it's right to blame yourself on this. You've been training him for a year and he'd performed well. I understand you not seeing that coming. I regret that you sent him, but I don't blame you." Shepard conceded. "In the end, I blame the damned geth. Intel dropped the ball again, Captain. We had no idea what we were walking into down there. That's why things went to hell, that's why they always go to hell."

Anderson moved over to the left side of her bed and leaned up against a cabinet. "The geth haven't been seen outside the veil in over two centuries. No one could have predicted this."

"Not specifically the geth, sir. They let info leak, they didn't contain the situation. With something as important as this, you need to ensure secrecy, or else things go wrong. The geth probably found out just like any slaver would find out. Catching unencrypted transmissions. I'm sure plenty of information brokers had the drop on us, but the geth, that turian, and that ship…they beat them to it. At least we got the beacon, though." She stated, breathing a sigh of relief before noticing Anderson's downcast expression.

"I won't lie to you, Shepard. Things look bad. Nihlus is dead, a whole earth colony was basically wiped out, the geth are invading, and the beacon…was destroyed. The council will want answers." Anderson said, turning his back to her as her face paled, feeling a little nauseous again.

"What do you mean the beacon's destroyed?" she asked, her voice's calmness hiding the currents of anger boiling beneath it.

"When it pulled you in, there must have been some overload and…it exploded. I'm sorry, Shepard." He apologized, fiddling with a datapad in his hands.

"Well…fuck! I did my job. We went in, neutralized the geth threat and saved some civvies, and when we got to the beacon, it went on the fritz. Not my fault, and if they feel it is, the council can kiss my ass. I didn't do anything wrong. I hope they can see that. Christ…" Shepard said, exasperated at the revelation.

"I'll stand behind your report, Shepard. You're a damned hero in my books." He said, pausing as she glared at him. She'd told him once before not to utter that word to her. "That's not actually why I'm here. It's that turian you and Kaidan saw on Eden Prime…Kaidan recognized him and I want to know if this is the one." Anderson mentioned, showing Shepard a holo of the turian on his datapad. Shepard nodded at the picture, noticing the uncommon fringe and the cybernetics _. Although that must be an older picture, his eyes and shoulders were a little different._

"Yeah, that's the one." Shepard replied with certainty. _What the hell was that guy doing down there? And does Alenko have the eyes of a hawk or something? Christ…_

"His name is Saren, he's a Council Spectre, one of the best in the galaxy. A living legend…but if he's working with the geth, it means he's gone rogue. A rogue Spectre's trouble, and Saren's already dangerous. It doesn't help that he hates humans." Anderson muttered, drawing Shepard's interest.

"He hates humans? Not sure he'd go to Eden Prime and terrorize it because of that. He wanted to destroy the beacon." Shepard said, firmly. "We defused a number of bombs that would have destroyed it back when it was functioning. Unless he got what he wanted from it, which isn't likely…but might have happened…"

"You're right, he allied with the geth to get a hold of the beacon. Perhaps the geth had ways of copying the contents of it…who knows? But it's no coincidence he was there. He thinks humanity is growing too fast, taking over the galaxy. A lot of aliens think that way about us, but most don't do anything about it. Saren has the means, especially now with the geth." Anderson ranted, drawing a nod from Shepard. "You were there just before the beacon exploded. Did it tell you anything, show you anything? A clue that might help us know what Saren's after?"

"Well, I'm not sure." Shepard said, scratching the back of her neck lightly. "Just before I blacked out I…I don't know. I saw some kind of vision or nightmare or something. It was really brutal. There was a lot of death…maybe a war. Whole cities aflame and corpses as far as my eyes could see, and blood…and fear. People were being slaughtered, just…just getting absolutely butchered. I think I saw some synthetics near the end, but it was pretty horrific stuff, Anderson. I don't know what to make of it, it all seems jumbled."

"We need to report this to the Council, Shepard." Anderson noted quickly, before Shepard's hoarse laugh cut him off.

"What? That I had a bad dream? There's nothing to report, Anderson. They'll think I'm crazy, forget it. Leave it out. If we want to take down a Spectre that the Council trusts, we need facts, we need personal accounts that can be verified. Not some nightmare I was given. You need to promise me this, Anderson. If I'm already about to be thrown to the wolves, don't give them any more ammo." She said, her voice gravelly and serious.

"We don't know what information was on that beacon. Lost prothean technology? Blueprints for some ancient weapon of mass destruction? Whatever it was, Saren probably took it, but I know his style, his politics, his reputation. He believes humans are a blight on the galaxy, and this attack was an act of war! He has whatever secrets this beacon had, and an army of geth at his command, and he won't stop until all of humanity is wiped from the face of the galaxy!" Anderson raged, moving back to the foot of her bed. "But he's a Spectre, almost untouchable! He can go anywhere, do almost anything, and that's why we need the council on our side."

"And that's why I'll need you to not mention the stuff from the beacon. I might say that it showed me something, but it was unclear, that I'm working on figuring it out. Don't link that to Saren. Don't bring up his feelings against humanity, that won't win us any brownie points by saying one of the Council's pet Spectres is xenophobic. That will get us laughed out of whatever meeting we get, and he'll walk. No matter what, we should not try to make that link, or agree with it if it's brought up, alright?" Shepard stated, trying to formulate a plan. "Look, you're more worked up about this Spectre than I am, which is crazy… and you're in charge… but we should be reasonable here. The Council won't want to see the Alliance freaking out and having a temper tantrum. Again, they're pissed that their Spectre is dead and they lost a beacon, we don't want them any angrier at us, playing pin the tail on the turian. Play it safe. Please. We need to buy time to expose Saren as a traitor, get proof that he's gone rogue, and then they'll revoke his status. That's the goal. In the end, it's your call, but if we make those connections, bring up my dreams…we'll be dismissed."

Anderson stood and pondered her words for a few moments and tilted his head. "Since when did you become a diplomat?"

Shepard laughed, grinning. "Never been one. An old librarian friend taught me to learn how to fit in, how to play a part and be believable. Besides, the Alliance whined and whined about the Blitz, that didn't win us any points. Neither has expanding so fast, as much as it's not fair to say. They're going to have expectations. We need to rise above them and prove ourselves. Asari are known to play the long game in decisions, and salarians are rational, logical people. We get those two on our side, and it won't matter what the turian councilor says. "

"I'll contact the ambassador and...tell him not to do anything hasty. See if he can get us an audience with the council. He'll want to see us as soon as we reach the Citadel, though. We should probably be getting close by now. Head up to the bridge and tell Joker to bring us into dock when you have the time." Anderson stated, quickly leaving the med-bay. Shepard sunk back against her bed and rubbed her face, wondering if she was dreaming. _Nope. This is reality. Fuck. So much for sticking around the med-bay, Chakwas…sorry._

It took her a few minutes to raise the will to swing her legs to the side of the bed and step onto the floor. She felt her legs wobble slightly for a moment, her hand gripping the nearby desk for balance, before she stabilized herself and took some steps over to the far end of the med-bay where she'd spotted her change of clothes. It wasn't a pleasant experience with all the recent wounds, but she managed to get into her casual blues with only a little wincing and a few obscenities.

Still feeling exhausted, as if she hadn't gotten a good night's sleep, she lumbered out of the med-bay, nearly running into a stationary Ashley Williams, who was too busy checking something on her omni-tool to notice the Commander approaching. Shepard stumbled into the nearby wall that Williams had been leaning up against and just stayed there, leaning her forehead against it.

"Uhhh… Commander? Are you alright?" the marine asked, holding Shepard's back to keep her balanced. She nodded and waved Williams off.

"I'm fine. Just a headache that's taking its time going away, and a bit of dizziness." Shepard mumbled, pushing herself gently off the wall and turning to face the gunnery chief. "Glad Anderson brought you on board."

"Well, I'm glad you're doing alright, considering, Commander. The crew could use some good news after what happened to Jenkins." Williams noted, smiling sadly. "Part of me feels guilty, though. If Jenkins was still alive, I might not be here."

Shepard shook her head; immediately realizing it was a bad idea, she tried to grab Williams' shoulder for balance, but instead grabbed the top of the woman's head. Shepard took a moment to get her legs under her before letting go, drawing an amused smirk from the marine.

"You sure you don't need to see a doctor, again, Commander? Or even take a nap?" she asked, holding back her laughter. "I mean, you basically bowled over half the husks and geth we fought…not sure I've seen anything like it before."

"I should be fine. And honestly, Williams, from how you handled yourself down there, I'd petition Anderson relentlessly until you were reassigned here. I could only do what I did because you and Alenko gave me perfect cover fire and gave me room to breathe. You belong here." She said, smiling at the blushing marine. "How are you holding up? Things were pretty rough down there…are you okay?"

"I've seen friends die before…it comes with being a marine. But to see my whole unit wiped out…and you never get used to seeing dead civilians. Things would have been a lot worse if you hadn't shown up." The marine said, her voice more restrained than Shepard had heard it before. _Though I'll admit, I haven't really talked to her off the field, so…but I know that tone…_

"Williams, you helped a lot down there. We couldn't have gotten to that beacon without you, and you got some civilians to safety. Not often I see someone who represents the Alliance ideology so closely." Shepard noted, taking deeper breaths to prepare for the trek up to the cockpit.

"Thanks, Commander. I have to admit, I was a little worried about being assigned to the Normandy. It's nice when someone makes you feel welcome." Williams stated, looking a little relieved.

"I think you're going to fit in here just fine, Williams. Seeing as I'm the XO, if you ever need someone to talk to about…well, anything…I have an open door policy." Shepard said, slowly making her way toward the staircase. "I need to go speak with Joker, so I'll catch you later."

"Goodbye, Commander." Williams replied clearly, returning her focus to her omni-tool as Shepard slowly and carefully ascended the stairs.

* * *

The citadel was a masterpiece, the crown jewel of the galaxy; she hadn't felt an experience so new and exhilarating as flying into the Citadel, not since her first windowed shuttle trip in Ottawa as a child. She marveled at the different wards, aglow in light and life even from the distance she witnessed them from. Hundreds of ships were coming in and out of the Citadel's docks, allowing her a glimpse of the familiar turian vessels, as well as some asari,salarian, and a number of unknown types that mystified her. _It's truly the cradle of galactic life…_ Even docking had been exciting. Unfortunately, that all seemed a distant memory to Shepard from the moment she heard words coming out of Ambassador Udina's mouth.

"This is an outrage! The council would step in if the geth attacked a turian colony!" she heard the ambassador yell as they approached his office. Anderson led Shepard, Alenko and Williams into the room and settled themselves in a nook, just outside the range of the vid conference.

"The turians don't found colonies on the borders of the Terminus Systems, Ambassador." The salarian Councilor piped up as the asari gave a half nod.

"Humanity was well aware of the risks when you went into the Traverse." Shepard was slightly entranced at the asari's facial pattern, and kept her gaze on it in hopes that she'd block out Udina's rambling. _The idiot may just have cost us a neutral meeting…Christ…_

"What about Saren? You can't just ignore a rogue Spectre. I demand action!" the diplomat yelled at the three holographic forms in front of him, slamming his fist down on his palm.

The turian Councilor shook his head and spoke up. "You don't get to make demands of the Council, Ambassador."

The asari Councilor once again nodded in agreement, appearing almost bored. "Citadel security is investigating your charges against Saren. We will discuss the C-Sec findings at the hearing. Not before."

At that, the transmission cut off, leaving the Normandy crew alone with a fuming mess of a human Ambassador. Udina spun around to look at the four and huffed angrily, looking very much like he'd taken a severe diplomatic beating.

"Captain Anderson, I see you brought half your crew with you." Udina sneered, sounding entirely too disgusted for Shepard's liking. _First impression: Not good._

"Just the ground team from Eden Prime, in case you had any questions." Anderson noted civilly, earning the ground team a brief glare from the Ambassador before his focus was back on the Captain.

"I have the mission reports. I assume they're accurate?" he asked through clenched teeth, pacing across a small tract of his office before deciding to move behind his desk and it down.

"They are. Sounds like you convinced the Council to give us an audience." Anderson stated, appearing oblivious to Udina's bad mood. _Why the hell is Anderson grinning like that?_

"They were not happy about it. Saren's their top agent, they don't like him being accused of treason." Udina sulked, drawing a sigh from Shepard. _It's just too much…he's like a caricature of what other species think we are._

"Then you should have acted like a politician, Ambassador. You don't make too many friends by criticizing your superiors, I should know." Shepard blurted out, annoyed at the man's lack of tact.

"Commander, you've already done more than enough to jeopardize your candidacy for the Spectres." The man said coolly, glaring at her. "And now humanity has faced a setback at your hands. At least I can take pleasure knowing your sterling reputation will be bolstered by this setback. Eden Prime was a chance to prove you could get the job done. Instead, Nihlus ended up dead and the beacon was destroyed!"

"Udina, Shepard didn't kill Nihlus, Saren did. And she didn't destroy the beacon, it did that on its own." Anderson interjected, earned a nod from Shepard.

"Ambassador Udina, I got the job done, whatever of it that was possible." She stated, walking slowly up to his desk and leaning over it. "Just like how I'm going to have to get this job done despite the handicaps you've given us. I advise that during the audience, you say as little as possible if you want humanity to be seen as a capable species because your representation of us was childish. We need them to listen to us, not just hear us, Ambassador."

Shepard kept Udina's glare until the older man turned his eyes to Anderson. "Captain, I need to have a word with you in private about a few things before the hearing. The rest of you can get to the Citadel Tower, top level. I'll make sure you don't have to wait too long for clearance. Try not to destroy anything." He grumbled, swiftly leaving his chair and leading Anderson out of his office.

"And that's why I hate politicians." Williams muttered, crossing her arms.

Shepard remained at the desk for a moment, hoping silently that the hearing would go much better than Udina's conference call, but she had a bad feeling about it. A hand on her shoulder snapped her out of her reverie, a concerned looking Alenko looking conflicted.

"What's on your mind, LT?" Shepard asked mutely, straightening her posture slightly and stretching her shoulders.

"Do you, uh…always talk to your superiors like that?" Kaidan chuckled, though she could easily hear the hints of concern in his voice.

"When it's necessary, Alenko. Right now, that guy is the person who can make sure Eden Prime wasn't for nothing. If he's too invested in his pity party, he won't earn any respect from the Councilors." She said, earning a quirked eyebrow from Williams. "Look, we need to be taken seriously, and we can't do that if we're really emotional, justified or not. Politics is half acting and half manipulation, and Udina's doing none of that for us. We only have eye witness testimony, which doesn't stick, and it won't win the Council away from Saren. We need more than that, and we don't have it, so we're already up shit creek. We need to show that we're mature and can be reasonable and neutral in a crisis. We do that, we might get some support. Believe me, I'm pissed as shit about Eden Prime, but it does no good airing that to the Council. Not right now."

"I get you Commander. It's just, you know. Alliance chain of command and all. The Ambassador's not Alliance, but he's kind of sitting at the top." Alenko noted thoughtfully.

"LT, he might be the top of US, but he's not the top authority in the galaxy. Like it or not, the Council are our superiors in this scenario, and if he's disrespecting them, that looks bad on all of us. He's our only voice. I'll gladly speak up and let him know he's doing a shit job if that's what's needed. Chain of command means nothing if you're not capable of performing your duties properly, and holding onto chain of command like a lifeline tends to cause disasters like Eden Prime, Torfan, Elysium…the list goes on." Shepard noted, moving toward the door. "Anyway, let's get some sightseeing before heading up. I'm sure Udina will accidentally forget to give us clearance for a while."

The trio passed through the embassies and out into the presidium, Shepard smiling as she basked in the beauty of the place. _Everything's so sleek and elegant…and those fountains! And those ponds! What I'd do to dive into one of them…_

"It's real peaceful here." Alenko noted, moving up to join Shepard at the railing, Williams quick in tow. Shepard nodded as she wistfully recalled swimming with her sister in the Ottawa River as children _. I wonder if they let people swim…you'd think they'd have a beach somewhere…_

"Yeah. Whoever designed this place has a sense for tranquility. I mean…look at all this water, and the trees! There's so much nature here…so many flowers and plants I've never seen before." Shepard openly mused, taking interest in a tree across the water that seemed to have different types of leaves throughout; some smaller ones coloured a dusty pink while the rest were much larger and coloured vibrant red _. I should find out what kind that is…I think Heather would love it!I wonder if she's ever been here before…_

"Didn't take you for a botanist, ma'am." Williams noted, sounding surprised.

"I'm not, but I find it interesting to see what grows where. In the end, they're usually different solutions to the same kind of problems. I can appreciate that…and it doesn't hurt that they're nice to look at." She laughed, pushing off from the railing and motioning the group toward a walkway leading across the pond. Shepard grazed against the rail and reached out her hand toward the spray of water erupting from the fountain beneath them, feeling giddy as it wet her hand.

Shepard walked slightly ahead of the duo, content that they had hit it off somewhat, the two marines sharing stories and commenting on the pros and cons of the sightseeing they were accomplishing. For her own part, she was just happy to see so many other species living their lives, allowing her mind to drift away from the previous day's destruction. Her headache was fleeting, often beginning abruptly only to fade away less than a half hour later. _Makes for a hell of a nuisance, but at least I'm feeling fine right now, and I've got some meds in case it gets real bad._

"I can hardly tell the animals from the aliens." Williams noted with what could best be described as spiteful wonder, bringing Shepard's attention back to the duo, Kaidan sputtering and looking around nervously. She gestured for the two to follow her to a more discreet location.

"First time around aliens, Williams?" Shepard asked, hoping none of the nearby turians had heard her, and praying that Williams wasn't a Terra Firma member. _Christ, if she is, I don't know…that's one hell of a leap of logic, Shepard…what, next person you see holding a knife is a serial killer?_

"Uh, yes ma'am. I've spent basically all my life in Alliance space or groundside in small colonies. Haven't really had the chance, not that I was looking forward to it." Williams stated abashedly, realizing it likely wasn't the best idea to say something like that in a space station predominantly filled with non-humans.

_Best to try and use some empathy here. Maybe some humour, too…_ Shepard considered. _She just doesn't know any aliens yet._ "I made similar mistakes as a kid. My sister would tell me all about these crazy sounding alien races, and I'd keep telling her that she was wrong, that none but the turians sounded real. The asari seemed a bit like medusas, and the hanar like jellyfish, and the…the elcor…well, you get the point." Shepard stated, stammering slightly at the end as her face blushed, remembering her old comparisons as a child that had often riled up her sister.

"The elcor, ma'am?" Alenko asked, curiously.

"I was thirteen! They seemed a lot like…I thought they sounded like space elephants." She said defensively, feeling like her cheeks were on fire, ignoring the laughter of the two marines. "It's not funny! Anyways, Williams, they're just like us, deep down."

"That's worse than me! I'm sorry, Commander." Williams stated, chuckling to herself. "Still, I kind of find it hard to believe. I mean, they look so different, and their cultures…"

"Cultures are just ways of how we act and think. Earth has dozens, thousands across its history. Many similar to other species, Williams. That's not the important stuff. They fear, they hate, they hope, they love. They want from life what we want, generally. You get to know some, you visit a group of them and strike up a conversation, and you might be surprised." Shepard stated, looking back at a sheepish looking Gunnery Chief and a thoughtful looking Alenko.

"Thought you would have been a bit more…hostile toward other species, given your background, ma'am." The lieutenant stated, Shepard's teeth grating at the insinuation. _To his credit, it seems he knew he made a mistake as soon as the words left his mouth…did he want to talk to me in the med-bay earlier? Was this what he wanted to bring up? No, probably not, don't be paranoid, Shep..._ she thought as she wheeled around and faced him fully, unable to mask the bubbling anger from her body language entirely.

"And what exactly is my background, Alenko?" her voice was dead calm, almost icy in tone as her eyes bored into his. _It was an innocent question…maybe…just calm down Shep. No need to get riled up on an empty stomach and with no hours of sleep, you might say something stupid._

"I just meant…with Elysium and Torfan and all." He said, his voice trailing off in the last few syllables, shrinking slightly backward, away from Shepard as he spoke.

The commander sighed and rubbed her face, looking up at a bird flying overhead. _Focus…calm…_ "You think the only dead people there were humans and batarians, Alenko? I don't know what you've both heard about that mess, but I want you to forget it. The less you think you know about it, the less you talk about it, the better we'll get along."

"Aye aye, ma'am." Williams said quickly, considering saluting but thinking better of it. "So…you have a sister?"

Shepard heard her omni-tool beep, and opened a message from Anderson telling the three to get to the Citadel tower as soon as possible. "Yeah, let's head off to the tower now, and I'll tell you about her along the way." She started, gesturing for the three to follow her, which amused her since she was only following the blatant signs all over the walls. "So imagine a scrawny little redhead, freckles everywhere, full of energy…"


	5. When The Levee Breaks

A collective sigh of relief was expelled as the three were finally able to step out of the elevator and into a small corridor. Shepard looked back at the vessel as she reached the doors to the council chambers, in disbelief over the length of time it took to ascend to the top of the tower. _Yeah, it's high up but that was like, ten minutes. Now I know where the elevator in the Normandy came from, at least…_

The lower courtyard of the chambers was extravagant. As they walked down a long path toward a tall staircase she could see trees lining the path overhead. _Look kinda like cherry trees, but a really bright orange…weird, but really nice._ In the distance, the erupting streams of fountains were visible as well as more of the trees, and the dim lighting made the whole area seem more intimate despite all the steel. _Must have taken a lot of effort to make this place look as fancy as it is_.

"The council isn't going to ask me any questions are they?" Williams asked, sounding a little nervous, as they walked down the long pathway. _Understandable fear, I have no idea what's going to happen up there…_

Kaidan gave a light laugh, drawing the others' attention to him. "We've made our reports. Now we just have to trust Ambassador Udina. _"_ He stated confidently. Shepard stifled her instinct to burst out laughing, amused at the notion that politicians could be trusted.

"No we don't, sir." Williams said frankly, sounding a little more nervous than before. The thought of trusting Udina to help them out wasn't one that either Shepard or Williams found comforting. "You know, I bet these staircases aren't just for show. They'd make for good defensive positions if this place was ever attacked."

"Yeah, I think they serve a dual purpose, Chief. You have to climb a lot of stairs to reach the council…I think that's symbolic of their importance, but also that it serves to detract any easy attack routes. Everything runs through here, and this long corridor's a good bottleneck. Good eye, Williams." Kaidan responded, for once putting a smile on Shepard's face. _Looks like Elvis has some brains up there._

As they ascended the staircase, they came upon a set of turians in an animated disagreement, blocking the path ahead. One looked similar to other turian C-sec officers, while the other appeared to be more decorated. The three laid back, waiting and listening as the duo's voices raised.

"Saren's hiding something! Give me more time, stall them!" One of the turians demanded, drawing Shepard's complete attention. _Saren? This could be interesting…_

"Stall the council? Don't be ridiculous!" the older, decorated turian stated, waving his arm dismissively as he turned away. "I recommend that you not push this agenda of yours. Your investigation is over, Garrus!"

As the older turian marched off, the younger one stood in the middle of the path, shaking his head in disbelief. Shepard took a few steps toward the turian, alerting him of her presence. He wore a strange visor on his right eye, and his clan markings were a dark navy blue across his cheeks and nose.

"Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer in charge of the C-sec investigation into Saren." The turian stated, approaching her. She bowed her head slightly at the officer.

"Didn't sound like you found enough that sticks." Shepard said apologetically. _From the short amount of time he's had to investigate, I don't doubt that he probably couldn't even get his feet wet in any details._

"Saren's a Spectre, most of his activities are classified. Makes it hard to do any real investigation with all that red tape. Couldn't find anything solid." Garrus said, his voice rife with frustration. "Still, I know there's something out there on him! As you humans say, I can feel it in my gut."

"Commander, I think the council's ready for us." Kaidan piped in, a thankful reminder of their real purpose in coming to the tower. _Not that I'm not up for a good ol' Saren bashing, but the hearing's a bit more important right now._

"Maybe they'll listen to you, if you're lucky." Garrus muttered, shaking his head in annoyance.

Shepard patted the turian on what she figured was his shoulder. "Look, Vakarian. No matter how this goes, we should meet up and cover our bases. I overheard your…boss…tell you not to pursue this, but that doesn't mean I can't."

"Well, I'll be down in C-sec HQ finishing my paperwork, most likely. Good luck, Shepard." Garrus said as the trio walked past him and through the lower courtyard. After another staircase and a large green area, they found themselves at the steps to the council, Anderson waiting anxiously for them mid-way up.

"The hearing's already started, come on." He grumbled, leading them up the final set of stairs to the auditorium. Shepard marveled at its design; the three councilors stood opposite a large divide, where Udina stood on an elongated platform with a single terminal. Both sides stood over a large garden beneath them. _Even more defensible, and restricting access to a single person at a time…like those old stories of villagers approaching their Kings and Queens and whatever…I hope their egos aren't as huge…_ she thought, before glancing to the left of the council where Saren's holo projection was nearly two stories high. _At least, hopefully not as large as his…_

As Shepard took her final steps toward the wings where Anderson stopped, the asari councilor's voice rang out, smooth and calm.  
"The geth attack is a matter of some concern, but there is nothing to indicate Saren was involved in any way." The asari proclaimed, as her turian counterpart pitched in. Shepard's left eyebrow quirked up at the assertion. _Two eyewitness accounts are nothing? Hrm…_

"The investigation by Citadel security turned up no evidence to support your charge of treason." The councilor stated firmly.

Udina took a half step forward and rested his hands on the terminal. "Two eyewitnesses saw him kill Nihlus in cold blood. I would hardly classify that as nothing, councilors." The politician stated with surprising calm. _Glad he's taking this seriously._

"We've read the Eden Prime reports, Ambassador. The testimony of two Alliance soldiers in the midst of a firefight is hardly compelling proof." The salarian councilor stated, his previously quick dialogue seeming more sluggish out of boredom. "We rely on facts when passing sentences, not soft evidence, which was the only form found during the investigation."

"I resent these accusations. Nihlus was a fellow Spectre, and a friend." Saren announced confidently. Shepard noticed Anderson turn his full attention to the hologram, the older captain's arm pointing out at the hologram.

"That just let you catch him off guard!" Anderson shouted, both Udina and Shepard's gazes turning to his in disbelief. Shepard bit her lip nervously, knowing they couldn't afford to give the council ammunition against them if they wanted to fare well. _Come on Anderson, we went over this. It was Udina I was supposed to worry about, not you!_

"Captain Anderson." Saren stated, his tone dripping with condescension. "You always seem to be involved when humanity makes false charges against me."

Shepard couldn't help but tense up, realizing that Anderson's passion about Saren earlier in the med-bay might be due to history. _He shouldn't be here, he's ruining this…fuck! I really hope he doesn't mess this up for us anymore than…_

"And this must be your protégé, Commander Shepard. The one who let the beacon get destroyed." Saren said smugly, though a flicker of confusion slipped across his face when Shepard's hand cupped her mouth in a nearly successful attempt to restrain her laughter. _Protégé? Me? Is he on crazy pills or something?_

Once she'd worked herself to a calmer state and tried to play her amusement off as a cough, she realized that the council was staring curiously at her.

"If I may speak…" she began, nodding in thanks as the council signaled her to continue. "This was my first official mission with Captain Anderson, and it only happened due to political pressure, not due to a familiarity between us. To call me a protégé wouldn't be accurate, and as for the beacon, I didn't let it get destroyed. My crew and I made efforts to prevent its destruction by disarming powerful explosives that would have eliminated the entire colony. That it exploded on its own was no fault of mine, seeing as how it was active when we first saw it. There's a chance it would have shorted out without any actual interaction."

"Shift the blame to cover your own failures, just like Captain Anderson. He's taught you well…but what can you expect from a human?" Saren's condescending tone filled the room, and Shepard was certain at least Williams was rolling her eyes at his remark. "Your species needs to learn its place, Shepard. You're not ready to join the council. You're not even ready to join the Spectres!"

Udina interjected before Shepard could reply; she crossed her fingers in hopes that he wouldn't be too inflammatory. "He has no right to say that! That's not his decision!" The politician yelled out at the council. _Wow, he's making sense…maybe I don't give him enough credit…_

Shepard stepped forward and motioned to the three councilors across from her. "I'm going to have to agree with Ambassador Udina, councilors. I'd like to request that Saren refrain from using personal attacks. It's hard to have a neutral discussion when this kind of dialogue is allowed."

The asari councilor nodded and turned to the turian Spectre. "Shepard's admission into the Spectres is not the purpose of this meeting." The councilor stated calmly, but firm.

"This meeting has no purpose. The humans are wasting your time, councilor. And mine." Saren muttered, shaking his head.

"The purpose of this meeting was to discuss potential evidence against Saren Arterius." Shepard stated, not taking the Spectre's bait. "Myself and Lieutenant Alenko witnessed Saren kill Nihlus groundside on Eden Prime. I can understand your position on this evidence, councilors, but I'm wondering how Saren was aware of my Spectre candidacy."

"After Nihlus met an unfortunate end during your failed extraction, his files passed onto me. I read the Eden Prime reports. I was unimpressed." Saren noted, his smugness seeming to know no bounds. _Why would he be allowed access? What?_

"Council, if I may ask, why would someone under investigation be allowed to access confidential materials and evidence? That doesn't seem very balanced." Shepard asked, confused at how such access was provided. The salarian councilor nodded and looked toward his turian peer.

"That was an oversight, though it changes nothing. Saren has been provided an alibi by a very reputable source. There is no reason for us to believe he was on Eden Prime at the time of the assault." The councilor said, turning his gaze back to the commander.

"So it's basically myself and Lieutenant Alenko's word against this other individual's." Shepard said blankly, her mind racing, trying to think up something that could help her case.

"We investigate facts and hard evidence, and do not place weight on speculation and imagination." The turian councilor said, his cold gaze burrowing through Shepard. _I'm pretty sure he's not real happy about this hearing…_

"Is there anything you would like to add before we finish, Commander?" the asari councilor asked politely, though it was clear that it was simply a formality. _Saren's getting off…like I figured he would. But maybe…_

"Councilors, I thank you for your time, and I would ask of you one thing. Saren was given access to confidential information during the investigation, which may have resulted in a shortened overall investigation." She said calmly, standing tall and as professional as she could muster. "I would ask that there be an extension to the investigation, and that I be allowed involvement alongside C-sec officials. Given that Saren was offered an advantage in defending himself, it would only be fair that I have the chance to find evidence to bolster my testimony, if it's available."

"We will not grant your request, Commander." The turian councilor spat, the venom in his voice audible.

"A single oversight on our behalf should not grant you special privileges that would remove objectivity from the investigation." The salarian councilor stated quickly. "I am sorry, Commander."

"I'm glad to see justice was served." Saren chuckled, his holo fading out soon afterward. Shepard's jaw dropped a bit at the Spectre's arrogance. _Not even staying around for the official decision? Wow, someone needs to be hit off his high horse…_

The turian and salarian councilors looked to their asari counterpart who seemed to be hesitating after the Spectre's display. "The council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth. Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the Spectres is denied." The councilor said, her eyes finding Shepard's. "This meeting is adjourned."

Shepard bowed and calmly walked out of the auditorium and down the stairs, feeling disappointed by the result. Glancing over at a dejected looking Udina, slowly departing from his terminal, was proof that she wasn't the only one feeling a little bad about it. _Maybe I shouldn't have asked for that much…for all my attempts at being neutral, I guess I kinda screwed up by asking to be involved in another look at the evidence. Still, I think I did alright, all things considered, and Anderson didn't bring up my visions..._

She found Anderson stopped where they'd initially met up with him, looking more than slightly annoyed. Shepard stopped in front of him, and heard Williams and Alenko fall in beside her, but she couldn't find the words to express her disappointment at him. Their awkward silence was hastily eliminated as Udina broke into their circle.

"It was a mistake bringing you into that hearing, Anderson. You and Saren have too much history." He said, prodding Anderson in the chest. "It made the council question our motives!"

"Gotta say, Captain. If you knew you'd be bringing baggage in there, baggage that they could use against us, you should have stayed away. If your interruption was the turning point…we might have gotten some help otherwise. Just saying, Anderson." She said, looking back toward the auditorium.

"I know Saren, he's working with the geth for one reason… to exterminate the entire human race! Every colony we have is at risk. Every world we control is in danger. Even Earth isn't safe!" Anderson exclaimed, but Shepard was having none of it, and pointed back at where the council was.

"Anderson, you're so wrapped up in your past that you might have lost us our only chance at getting justice!" Her frustration bubbled over as she forced out each word through grit teeth. "You need to fill me in on him later, but right now…I have evidence to find."

"Shepard, the council denied your request. There's nothing we can do. As a Spectre, he's virtually untouchable. We would need to find a way to expose him, but we can't with C-sec in the way." Udina said, looking at her in disbelief.

"Look, Udina, you did a great job in there, and I apologize for maybe talking too much…and I'll apologize for the fact that I'm not about to give up on this. I have nothing to lose, and if there's something out there to find, then I'm going to find it. I'll try not to blow anything up." Shepard apologized, yawning as the lack of decent sleep was quickly catching up with her.

"Hey, what about Garrus? That C-sec investigator? We saw him arguing with another turian earlier." Kaidan asked, drawing a nod from Williams. Shepard's gaze remained on him for a few seconds longer than normal, noticing the Lieutenant was wincing and in pain.

"That's right! He was asking for more time to finish the report. Seems like he was close to finding something on Saren." Williams added enthusiastically.

"That sounds like a good start. He'd probably be good for some information." Shepard stated, figuring it would be a lot easier to work with a body of evidence than from scratch.

Udina nodded in agreement. "If you're looking for a specific c-sec officer, I have a contact in their ranks who can help us track this Garrus down. Harkin knows where everyone is on the Citadel." The politician piped in, drawing a grimace from Anderson.

"Forget it. They suspended him last month for drinking on the job. I won't waste my time with that corrupt scumbag." Anderson muttered.

"You won't have to. I don't want the council using your past history with Saren as an excuse to ignore anything we turn up. Shepard will handle this." Udina stated firmly, glaring at the captain. For a moment, Shepard felt bad for him. _It's hard being separated from something you're passionate about, that you want to help with…but Udina's got a point._

"Yeah, it's probably for the best, Anderson. Sorry." Shepard said apologetically, checking around for a rapid transit terminal. _Anything to avoid another trip on that elevator…_

"I need to take care of some business. Captain, meet me in my office later." Udina said quickly before storming off.

Anderson turned his gaze from Udina to Shepard's crew. "If you're really going to look for Harkin, he's probably getting drunk at Chora's Den. It's a dingy little club in the lower section of the wards. Or…"

"Or what, sir?" Alenko asked as Anderson's voice trailed off.

"Or you could talk to the volus Barla Von, over in the financial district. Rumour has it he's an agent for the Shadow Broker." Anderson finished, drawing confused looks from the trio.

"The Shadow Broker?" Williams asked, the title not ringing any bells.

_Sounds kinda lame, if you ask me._ Shepard thought, wondering why anyone would use such a title. _Still, people with a love for stupid titles can be powerful, I guess. Maybe. Who knows? There are probably spies who call themselves 'Ghost', or vigilantes who call themselves things like 'Archangel'_

"An information dealer. Buys and sells secrets to the highest bigger. I've heard Barla Von's one of the top representatives." Anderson explained. "He might know something about Saren, but his information won't come cheap."

"Well, I should go. Lots of looking around to do, I guess." Shepard said, looking at each of her squadmates in turn.

"Good luck, Shepard. I'll be over in the Ambassador's office if you need anything else." Anderson said before taking off toward the elevator. _Well, fuck. Now I NEED to find rapid transit, or else I'll be waiting for the elevator for…what, probably a half hour at least! Seriously, how do the elevators suck so bad here?_

"Uh, Commander?" Williams said, interrupting Shepard's train of thought. "There's a skycar terminal over there if you want to head out." The soldier pointed off to a small, barely noticeable terminal near one of the small green creatures they'd seen around the Citadel.

_Yes. Good. Anything but the elevator. Hell, anywhere but here…_

"Great work, Chief. Let's get going!" Shepard said exuberantly, though her eyes hung on the lieutenant as they waited for the skycar. _What's up with him? I know the council weren't really great, but it's a bit much to get a headache from that...Maybe I'll check in on him when we reach the presidium again..._

* * *

The wards were almost comforting with how busy and cramped they were. On any other day, the young Quarian would be enjoying the sights and sounds of life on the Citadel, but it just hadn't been a good day. _Or a good week, for that matter. Keelah, where are the embassies? This place is harder to navigate through than the Rayya!_ She thought, as she limped through the crowds toward a marketplace. _Maybe someone can help me there…_

Her pilgrimage hadn't been going well as of late, and she'd experienced a number of unfavorable milestones in the past week. _First time being shot at, first time traveling alone…first time watching a friend get killed…Oh, Keenah'Breizh. This geth data core's only brought us the worst of fortunes, and I'm not sure my luck will get any better… If only you…_ she mused, before a large body knocked into her, catching her off-guard and sending her crashing to the floor. She nursed her previously injured leg and looked up at the enormous red krogan scowling down at her.

"Watch where you're going, pyjak." The huge brute muttered grumpily. The young quarian gulped, suddenly unsure of what to do. _He…he's huge! And really angry looking, and…and…Keelah…_ she thought as she shakily scooted backward, away from the towering krogan.

"I…uh…I'm…hrm." She stuttered out, kneading her hands together nervously. The krogan simply grunted at her and barged his way through the crowd, knocking over a few other patrons as he went. She took a few moments to test her leg before hobbling back onto her feet. _That…could have gone a lot worse…I guess…_

She limped toward a nearby kiosk detailing used ships and studied all the available models, in awe of how new many of them were. _Keelah, our newest ships are decades older than some of these!_ _Who would sell off a perfectly good ship?_ She thought, scrolling through the listings until she settled on a large volus transport vessel, not thirty years old. _I can't imagine how many quarians could live in one of these…just a few modifications, a little bit of quarian engineering, and it could fit more than the Tonbay…maybe an extra forty percent! Oh, if only I had credits…maybe this geth data could get me some…_

"Hey!" a loud voice called out ahead of her, a menacing looking human male storming toward her. "We don't serve your thieving filth around here! Get out before I call C-sec!"

_Or…maybe it would be better to spend it on protection…I had no idea it would be so hostile here…_ she slinked away from the kiosk dejectedly, and wandered aimlessly through the crowds, looking for some sign of passage to the embassies.

The quarian wandered through the wards for what seemed to be hours, consistently unaware of where she was in relation to where she needed to be. The artificial lighting outside was slightly dimming, meaning it had been nearly a full day since she'd gotten onto the Citadel _. Even with the crowds, and people not really liking me, maybe…maybe if we hadn't gone to Illium first, you'd be with me now, Keenah._

She'd begun her pilgrimage with the help of the older quarian, who had insisted they investigate a reported geth presence on route to Illium. Ever since they'd tracked the geth to a tremendously chilly planet and extracted one of the data cores, they'd been on the run from mercenaries. _The geth haven't been outside the veil in centuries, why would they be all the way out near Illium?! And why would they send mercenaries after us? Why did they kill Keenah? It makes no sense…_

She halted midway down one of the large halls in the wards, spotting a C-Sec marker off in the distance. _Maybe they wouldn't mind if I asked them to help? I…hrm. Well, it's better than wandering aimlessly._ As she limped toward the sign, she heard a scuffle break out to the side of her, and instinctively ducked further into the bustling crowd as one of the turian mercs that had assaulted her on Illium burst into the pack, knocking aside civilians as he prowled after her. _Bosh'tets!_

Her hopes of using the crowd as safety were quickly dashed as the turian and two batarians fired a few rounds into the crowd, quickly dispersing the masses in each direction, leaving the quarian limping and vulnerable. She heard their taunts and yelling behind her as she opened up her omni-tool in a panic. _Come on, come on, I know you're not ready yet Chiktikka, but I need you now!_ She thought to herself as she willed herself to run faster, weaving around an elcor. She was mere metres from the C-sec sign when she activated her combat drone and set it to guard her flank and seek out any armed hostiles.

"Good girl, Chiktikka!" she called out, wheeling around the corner into the entrance, only for her heart to sink. The entrance led to a large empty hallway leading to an elevator. She burst toward it, her leg screaming at her as she sprinted down the corridor, gunfire and expletives sounding out behind her and impacting her barriers. As she reached the elevator, she felt a searing pain dash across her right arm, sending her stumbling into the small transport vessel. Ignoring the pain for the moment, she crawled over to the control panel and activated the elevator; she could hear the pounding on the doors as soon as they closed, and gave a sigh of relief as the elevator made its way upward, away from the trio of mercenaries.

_Keelah, that was too close…_ she thought, staring at the gaping wound across her bicep, startling as she noticed the bubbling liquid and the overwhelming burning sensation in her arm. _Oh no!_

She quickly worked through her suit's system, which had been flashing a warning for nearly a minute, sealing that area of the arm off from the rest of her body as she opened her emergency care kit. _Chemicals…they used chemicals on a quarian…that…that's just low! The bosh'tets!_ She thought, as she worked on cleaning the residue from her arm, frowning as she noticed it had burnt its way through her suit. _This is going to be the worst fever ever…Keelah…_

By the time the elevator had made its way up to its destination, she'd patched herself up as well as possible with emergency suit patches and some cleaning salves, but she knew she needed anti-biotics if she wanted to live through the day. _This should help keep me stable for a bit longer but…oh, why is this happening to me? I just…I didn't think my pilgrimage would be this difficult…_

The doors opened and she stumbled out, her gait considerably labored as her body's fatigue began to set in; the pain settling in as a deep ache that the painkillers coursing through her body couldn't mask. After a slow ascent up a stairwell, she found herself in the main lobby of the citadel's security headquarters. She glanced around lazily, feeling a little nauseous and dizzy. _I wish this could wait, but…those mercenaries could come back. I need help…_

"Can I help you?" a flanged voice called out beside her. She turned her head and saw a turian sitting behind a desk, glaring at her.

"I…uh…my name is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. I was wondering if…if you could help me. I…" Tali stammered nervously, cowering under the officer's harsh gaze.

"Get to the point." He muttered, his mandibles flaring in a way she was unfortunately familiar with.

"I…I was hoping I could get protection. I, uh…I have this geth data core and…and…" the words stumbled out of her, getting softer as the turian stood at his post, his tall form bearing over her.

"It's impossible to get geth data, everyone knows about that. Honestly, you suit rats just get stupider as the years go by. No wonder you lost your planet and your seat here." He said condescendingly, his tone darkening. "Now, if you don't get out of here, I'll personally kick you off the Citadel."

The turian's demand echoed through the lobby, a multitude of eyes fixating on her as she froze momentarily, feeling the last semblance of motivation drain out of her. _What…what can I do now?_

Tali stumbled toward one of the nearby transit kiosks, noticing it was free of charge. Feeling a tiny bit of relief wash over her, she opened the menu of destinations. _I'm not sure I could walk much of anywhere right now…the fever's really coming on now…hrm…yes, I…I hope this will work_. She mused hazily, selecting a medical clinic in the upper wards, and sliding into the transport. _I just hope this day doesn't get any worse…_

* * *

Shepard sluggishly made her way toward C-Sec HQ, Williams following close behind. The station's artificial day-night cycle was shifting into early evening, and people were filling the presidium on their way home; the loud bustling of people nearby kept Shepard as alert as she could manage to be. The two noticed a number of C-sec officers run ahead of them as they neared the entrance, toward what looked to be a conflict between a few officers and a large, blood red armored krogan.

"Come on Wrex, let's be reasonable here! Just stick here overnight and we won't have to do anything drastic." A human officer said, sounding and looking frustrated as the krogan stood, arms crossed and appearing unfazed by the growing amount of armed C-sec employees surrounding him.

"Drastic? Heh. You puny races talk too much." The krogan muttered, his wide-set eyes scanning the area around him calmly.

Shepard and Williams kept their distance from the group; the commander figured some entertainment before they were able to check in on Garrus was in order. _Hell, this intensity's got me wide awake again! Don't know why they need that many people, though. Krogan are strong, but…not THAT strong…_

"Wrex, I can't exactly let you walk free, you know that." The officer stated firmly. "I can't afford to have you on a killing spree in the wards! Not after last time."

The krogan took a step forward, getting face to face with the officer. "The Shadow Broker wants Fist dead. I'm going to kill him." Wrex's voice was dead serious, even with all the weapons aimed at him. "And I'm gonna go find him now."

"Wrex, we have you surrounded. You're going to stay overnight by your own will, or we'll have to use force." The officer said, his voice a little more unsure than before, his hand reaching for his light pistol in his holster.

The krogan, to Shepard's surprise, began to glow a vibrant blue, his eye tracing over the surrounding pack of officers as a menacing grin formed on his face. "I'd like to see you try."

Williams went to step forward but Shepard put her arm out and blocked the marine, giving her an apologetic look. "Not the time, Williams. You're not armed, and I'd prefer to keep you alive."

"Would you let Kaidan in there if he was with us?" Williams snapped. Shepard took a moment to think about it and shook her head.

"Nah, he's a biotic, but he didn't really seem up for anything after the council meeting. Had some sort of headache." Shepard noted calmly, watching C-sec officers disperse one by one. "Besides, even if he wasn't getting checked out by the doc, and even if he didn't have the headache or whatever, this guy seems worth the hype. You ever fight a krogan, Williams?"

The younger marine cast her gaze to the floor sheepishly. "Uh, no ma'am. First time really seeing one up close."

"No shame in that, but don't go looking for a fight against something you don't know. You can read all about how krogan work, but when you riddle one with bullets and a minute or two later he's fully healthy and unwounded, it's a different game." Shepard stated, amused that the mob of officers had reduced to a small handful. "They've got bodies filled with organs in case one of them is destroyed. Tear out its heart, and it has another in there working double time while he rips your face off. They get in this blood rage thing…"

"I get it. They're made for war. No wonder the salarians uplifted them way back." Williams said, sounding a little flustered.

"They're the one species I've never seen do anything but fight or threaten, so…" Shepard said, chuckling. "I'd give them a bit of a wide berth, Williams. Especially a biotic like Wrex, there."

The krogan's bellowing laughter filled the lobby as he casually walked away from the remaining officers and toward the exit, eyes scanning over the two soldiers as he passed them.

"Williams, I need you to go check in on Garrus, and search up what you can on this 'Fist' person." Shepard said, her focus still on the departing krogan.

"Uh, alright Commander. But…what are you going to do?" Williams asked, confused about why she was being handed the whole of the plans they made in transit.

"I'm going to go see about this Shadow Broker. First that Barla Von guy, and now this krogan? Chances are if this guy deals information, and he can afford a guy like that, he might have something on Saren." She said, checking her omni-tool's chrono. "Message me if you get a hold of anything solid, alright?"

"On that Fist guy, too?" the marine asked, drawing a nod from Shepard.

"That krogan said he was going to find Fist, meaning he doesn't know where he is. We get that, we help him out, we have a bargaining chip with the Shadow Broker. Might not end up being anything useful, but we're not exactly overflowing with leads." She noted, feeling a little more dazed as her lack of rest began to catch up with her. She took one last glance at a worried looking Williams. "Look, I'm not going to fight the brute. Just see what he's up to and maybe stop by Barla Von's."

"Alright, Commander, but be careful. You're still pretty beat up." Williams said, and for a second Shepard swore that the marine was doing her best Chakwas impersonation by her stance.

"No worries, Chief. Good luck." She finished, nodding to the marine before making her way out of the headquarters, following the path the krogan had taken across to the financial district.

In her tired state, she knew she wouldn't be a great tail, even with the lowered visibility and the crowd. There was a subtle approach to being a proper tail, and her body and mind were feeling a little too clumsy for that at the time. _Still, doesn't look like he's noticed me yet…and if he's a merc, he's not likely to cause trouble around the kind of people who'd hire him…_

She hung back within earshot of the krogan's deep growl, but staying seemingly far enough away to keep his attention from finding her. Considering Wrex was making a beeline toward a hanar merchant, she figured she was in the clear.

"Welcome to Delan's Emporium. This one is proud to showcase the finest and most luxurious items that credits can buy." The hanar spoke, its body lighting up slightly around its front.

The krogan leaned forward aggressively, pointing at the merchant. "Show me your shotguns."

"This one is certain you will be satisfied with the…" the hanar started before Wrex shot him a vicious glare.

"Shut up and let me look, whelp." He growled, scanning through the inventory. Shepard listened to the duo's back and forth, the krogan demanding better prices for a variety of shotguns while the hanar relented, offering discounts if more than one item was purchased. She could have almost sworn Wrex's left eye kept trailing over to her occasionally, but she couldn't be sure.

Just as Shepard was about to give in and head over to Barla Von's out of frustration, she felt a light tapping on her shoulder. She turned her head to find a young human woman beside her, dressed elaborately in clothing that she'd seen a few asari wearing around the presidium.

"Can I help you?" Shepard asked, curious about why this stranger had interrupted her. The woman nodded and smiled, gesturing toward another area of the presidium that she'd passed while tailing Wrex.

"The consort requests your company, Commander Shepard." The woman stated politely. Shepard realized the banter between Wrex and the hanar had stopped, and a quick glance proved Wrex's eye was fixed on her. _Well, I guess I've been made, for sure…not that big of a surprise, I guess. Eh, Barla Von will be there when I get back…if I'm even awake enough to function…_

"Oh. Uh, thanks, I guess? I don't really know who that is, but it's better than standing around here all night." Shepard remarked, confused over who would request her specifically. _I've been here what, three hours, maybe? If that? Who would even know me around here?_

"The consort is among the most respected figures on the entire Citadel. People of all races come to her for advice, guidance." The woman said, leading Shepard down the walkway. "Most have to wait months to have an audience with Sha'ira, and her guidance is not something many can afford on an annual salary. You should feel privileged, Commander."

"You're making her sound like she's some kind of oracle." Shepard quipped, skeptical about the individual she was being taken to. _What's so special about this Sha'ira, and how the hell does she know me?_

"She is many things to many people, and something different for each…it is difficult to explain. She is merely an asari with remarkable compassion and a generous spirit. I am proud to be one of her acolytes." The woman stated with surprising fondness. _Asari? Hrm. Should be fun. Outside of the councilor, I haven't really talked to one before._

The two stepped into a small lobby, the woman leading Shepard, weaving her through the crowd of enthusiastic patrons, most of which seemed too caught up in discussing the consort to notice them. _She wasn't kidding that everyone comes to her…I don't see any species in citadel space that's not here…and they all talk like they worship the ground she walks on…_

"Are people normally this excited, here?" Shepard asked, warily. She was finding it hard to believe that people would be so excited about advice. _Though, I guess with all the politics here, it might be a bit more valuable than it would be in a military barracks…but still…_

"People wait for a great length of time to see the consort, and for good reason. I have heard many clients state that seeing her has brightened their lives substantially, improved their lives beyond their dreams. She has a…knack for knowing what it is you truly require, and providing it." The woman stated, pausing at a large circular door.

"And I would imagine she has a range of skills to accommodate her clientele?" Shepard asked, insinuating that perhaps the consort provides more than advice. The acolyte merely blushed and gestured to the door.

"Sha'ira awaits you. I shall take my leave." The woman said, before calmly making her way back toward the lobby. Shepard shrugged and tapped the control panel, requesting access. An orange hologram spun in the middle of it for a moment before turning green, just as the door began to spin and open, revealing a dimly lit chamber. _Reminds me of the council chambers…people here must like turning the lights down low…_

As she stepped through the doorway, the room came fully into view. It was very spacious, with an L-shaped couch in the middle of the room, a silver circular table nestled in front of it, and plant life scattered along the walls and nearby the furniture. The only thing that struck Shepard as odd was the spherically domed bed resting by the left wall. _Weird…outside of the bed, this place comes across as comfortable and elegant, like I'm in some diplomat's living room…but there's a pleasure-dome there, and the lighting's real low…don't really know what to think about that._

It took her a moment to realize the consort was in the room, due to the lighting, as the asari stood perfectly still a few feet beside the couch, her back to Shepard. The commander took a few steps toward her, stopping by the table as the consort turned gracefully to face her.

"Commander Shepard, I have been waiting for you." The asari's silky voice gently ebbed through the room; her arm slightly extended, gesturing Shepard to be seated. The commander was in too much of a haze, sleepily taking in Sha'ira's slender form, to fully acknowledge the invitation. Her eyes trailed down to the cerulean skin that the pink and red dress exposed; though her body was almost fully covered up, the small blue areas hinted mischievously at what more laid underneath. _Mother of Christ, her figure is…so perfect…and with her arm out like…like…wait…oh shit._ Her haze lifted as she became fully aware of what she'd been doing, blood rushing to her cheeks in embarrassment. She took a seat on the very opposite end of the couch and cast her gaze nervously on the exit, desperately wishing she hadn't come there. _I'm such an idiot! Augh! She might have something really important to tell me and here I am just eying her up…seriously…what the hell is…_ her thoughts were interrupted by the asari sitting uncomfortably close to her; despite Sha'ira's regal posture, Shepard sensed a shred of sensuality in her movements as she adjusted herself to better face the commander.

She decided to try and get her mind off of more physical matters and back to business. "So, how did you even know about me, that I was here?" she said, her words tumbling out with more than a tinge of embarrassment still audible.

"I have heard a great many things about you since you've arrived on the Citadel, Commander Shepard. Though I feel I must extend my sympathies…your audience with the council was not very successful, was it?" the consort remarked, her smooth voice keeping Shepard's blush intact, even as the commander turned to face her.

"You…what? That was just over a half an hour ago. How could you possibly know about that?" Shepard asked, shocked. _Outside of the council and us, there wasn't really anyone else around to hear…how the hell…_

"Was it truly that long ago?" Sha'ira asked, coyly raising her lips into a smirk. "Are you comfortable, Commander? You must still be exhausted after Eden Prime."

Shepard decided to mentally wave off the consort's taunts about her wealth of knowledge. _She knows more than she should, and she knows a hell of a lot more about me than I do her. Just…play this safe. She had a reason to bring me here that wasn't to brag about what she knows…_

Shepard shifted over to the very edge of the couch and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just confused at why I'm here."

She heard the consort's melodic laugh echo through the chamber and felt Sha'ira slide over beside her, resting her hand gently on the Commander's thigh. "Do all humans turn so red when they're shy? Honestly, you humans are absurdly modest in the oddest situations. Even powerful ones such as you." The consort's voice was rife with amusement as she began stroking Shepard's leg. "As for why you are here, you came when I requested your presence. Most do."

Shepard was confused at the asari's reaction, and tried her best not to focus on the consort's hand and what thoughts were stirring up in her mind from it. "And you requested my presence…why?"

"Many powerful and respectable people come to the citadel…most of which become my clients. Is it so far-fetched that I merely wanted to know you?" the asari spoke, her breathy words washing suggestively against Shepard's ear.

"I…have a hard time believing that." Shepard mumbled nervously, turning her head back to the exit, uncomfortable at the attention Sha'ira was giving her.

"Well it is true. You are an interesting woman, Commander Shepard. One that seems very skilled." Sha'ira said softly, leaning slightly against Shepard. "However, you are astute. My inclinations are not the only reason why you are here. A…certain authority was pleased with your performance in the council chambers. They wish to offer assistance."

Shepard slowly turned her head and found the consort's face mere inches from hers, the asari's deep blue eyes staring into hers expectantly. She took a moment to push aside the unwanted thoughts, knowing this offered help could be important to the mission.

"Uh…alright. So, what are the conditions?" Shepard asked, trying her best to speak clearly.

"If Saren is found to be guilty, then you will provide aid to this individual. If he remains innocent, then you shall owe nothing. Consider it a gift in the name of neutrality." The consort said, her eyes not leaving Shepard's. "Will you accept?"

She thought it over for a moment, unsure how best to answer. _Can I really promise my services if I'm bound to the Alliance? I mean, I'm not always a by the book kind of person, but I'm not sure I can just accept without knowing what's at stake…but…right now, what's at stake is another potential Eden Prime attack, and…and whatever that vision means. If…If I have to promise something in the future in order to shut this Saren guy down, I think I have to. I don't think I have much of a choice._

"I will. I don't have the most pleasant feeling about this, but I will." Shepard stated, turning her eyes ahead to the table, hoping the consequences of her decision won't be tremendously bad.

"It has come to the attention of this certain authority that there were many confidential matters held from Citadel security in their investigation, through a certain powerful individual's veto. Of those confidential matters, it was deemed suspicious that certain traced mercenaries were arrested on Illium for the murder of a quarian, and the attempted murder of another quarian, who managed to escape on a vessel bound for the citadel. A vessel that docked earlier this afternoon." The consort said, her voice silky smooth, but lacking the previous playfulness. "It has also come to attention that a certain confidential bank account was depleted by an enormous sum earlier today, and many mercenaries traced within these confidential records have since obtained passage to the Citadel. And, by my own network of information, there was a quarian involved in a firefight in the lower wards just under an hour ago. One could say it is a coincidence, but…I assume you can piece together the details, Commander."

Shepard quickly stood up, sensing the urgency of the information. _If that quarian can help us expose Saren, and he's already made attempts to kill her…fuck! We're running out of time! And holy crap, whoever this is took a huge risk...bypassing a veto? Probably a councilor's veto? That's serious!  
_

"I…thank you, Sha'ira. Is there anything I can do for you in return?" Shepard asked, almost regretting her statement but she knew that the consort had gone out of her way to obtain some of the information herself.

"The pleasure of your company would suffice, as you look like you could use some relaxation. I would happily oblige you, if you only asked." The consort said, gracefully moving to her feet and in front of Shepard. "Yet, I truly understand that you are a busy woman with important matters to attend to. If you would allow me to communicate with you in case I think of something…"

"I would be happy to." Shepard said bashfully, still blushing fiercely. "Thank you for your help, and thank your 'authority' for me as well."

Sha'ira brought her hand up and gently brushed the back of it against Shepard's cheek, smiling brightly at the commander. "It has been my pleasure." She offered, all of the prior sexual undertones replaced with simple kindness. Shepard wondered whether the consort was able to control and manipulate emotions and body language at will, as she watched Sha'ira turning to move back to the couch.

Shepard moved a few steps toward the exit, swiftly typing out a message to Williams, before stopping in her tracks and looking over her shoulder.

"Hey, uh…just wondering…why'd you act that way with me?" she asked, confused about the encounter and the asari consort. She watched Sha'ira look up from her drink knowingly.

"Why do you ask?" the consort asked, simply.

Shepard responded with a shrug. "Well, I was pretty inappropriate at the start there, and you kind of baited me on…you know, on the couch. I just…don't get it."

The consort took a moment, sipping at her drink before responding. "Many people betray their needs when they're physically and mentally exhausted, Commander. I am merely here to guide others toward satisfying those needs. From my vantage, your behavior was hardly inappropriate." She stated, taking another sip of her drink. "One's mind wanders when they're lonely, Shepard. Sometimes they need to be reminded that they're desirable as well."

She turned and nodded blankly, heading back toward the exit, hoping to catch up with Williams so she could get to bed quickly. _Not that I'll be able to sleep tonight…not anymore…Christ…I should have kept my mouth shut._

She left in a haze, winding her way through the consort's clients and acolytes, quickly finding herself out on the presidium. Her omni-tool pinged with a new message, Williams telling her to meet up at C-sec HQ. She shut her omni-tool down and traversed across the walkway, too caught up in her thoughts to notice the intricate motions of the fountain beneath. _Am I really that lonely? I…well, I haven't dated anyone since a bit before Torfan, and that was…around five years ago._ _Before that was…well, that small bit with Faridah when I was sixteen. And that really doesn't count…Maybe…maybe I am a little lonely. That's alright, right? It comes with the job and the reputation. But…even though it might have been an act, and was kinda really awkward…Sha'ira was pretty nice. No one's looked at me that way in years…maybe I do need that…though it can wait for another day. Mission first._

Shepard stepped around a group of turians and started down the ramp toward the HQ, hoping Williams had found something substantial, or something that could tie into the quarian.

When she entered, she easily spotted the marine's gaudy white and pink armor alongside what looked to be Garrus, both hovering over a terminal.

"Hey you two, find anything we can work with?" she asked, yawning as sleep began to overwhelm her. Williams turned around first, while the turian scanned over the screen.

"Gotta say, Commander, you look like hell. Maybe you should get some sleep?" the marine asked, which brought a smile to Shepard's face.

"Hah, yeah. I don't think I'll be able to keep my eyes open much longer, not with this…uh, headache. And everything." She said, stammering out the last few words, cursing her inability to lie effectively when tired. Williams gave her a strange look, prompting her to talk more. "Uh, anyway, Williams…find anything on Fist or Saren?"

"That Fist guy's slippery. Ran a lot of shops in the past few months, and deals red sand. Every time C-Sec's caught his tail, he vanishes and pops up doing something else on another ward." She said, before pointing back to Garrus. "This Garrus guy has been helping, but like he said earlier, he doesn't really have anything hard to work with."

"Well I just got some juicy information from an anonymous tip. Seems Saren's been chasing a duo of quarians around the galaxy. Killed one on Illium, and has a lot of expensive contracts out on the remaining one, who just so happened to dock on the Citadel today." Shepard said, moving closer to the terminal. "The consort said the quarian was involved in a firefight with the mercs in the lower wards today. Chances are they got hurt."

"Good info, Commander. I'll check local security data and admission information in the Citadel's clinics. Hopefully something comes up." Garrus noted, his focus fully on the terminal.

"The…consort?" Williams asked, confused.

"Sha'ira. Has a wide information network on the Citadel. Some say she's very…skillful. Though I don't think she's dangerous." Garrus piped in, still focused on the details on the screen.

"Yeah, well, I suppose I'll probably end up finding out someday or another. Either way, I figure that's a decent lead. If Saren wants this quarian dead, there's got to be a pretty serious reason for it." Shepard stated, blinking away her sleep.

"Yeah, well, you get some sleep, Commander. We can handle things down here. I'll let you know immediately if we find something." Williams said, playfully pushing Shepard toward the elevator. Were she not so haunted by her body's insistent reminders for rest, she would be more frustrated about not being able to see their plans through the whole way. _If only I could disregard sleep, acquire evidence...meh, Williams and Garrus can do this, I think. Though maybe I'll get only a few hours sleep and catch up with them quickly. That might work..._

"Ugh, that elevator ride is long, Williams, I'll fall asleep before I reach the top." Shepard groaned, sluggishly plodding toward the large elevator in the middle of the lounge.

"Not my problem, ma'am." The marine said, stifling a laugh. Shepard slumped against the wall of the elevator as the doors closed, praying that she'd be able to stay awake until she reached her sleeping pod. _And I hope I can actually sleep when I get there. So much is riding on this…we need to find that quarian…_

She sighed and tuned out the news broadcast and the silly elevator music, deciding to send a message to an old friend. _I wonder how Faridah's doing?_


	6. How the World Fell Into Darkness

Shepard's body twitched in ecstasy, breathing in gasps, reeling from her partner's skillful hands; each digit managing to press or graze just where her body wanted them to. She leaned eagerly into the touch, where one of the slender hands gracefully caught her cheek and traced a path to her supple, hungry lips.

"I've been waiting for you, Commander Shepard." Her partner spoke, her voice raw with lustful confidence, her breath hot against Shepard's face. She shuddered out a frustrated whimper as her partner's hands slid sensually down to her lower abdomen, stopping a mere inch or two short of where she longed for them to touch. Never before had she felt so vulnerable, so exposed. It was intoxicating.

"Do not worry, I am here to guide you to satisfy your needs." Her partner whispered sweetly, pressing her body tightly on top of Shepard's, the friction eliciting a guilty moan from her mouth. "I would happily oblige you, if you only asked." She was dripping wet, and the asari's indescribable scent was driving her senses wild as she tried to focus.

Shepard fought to catch her breath as she felt her partner reposition herself, the asari's thigh resting tantalizingly between her legs, her hands having left to cup the commander's face gently. She could hardly take the teasing anymore, having been reduced to a writhing mess by mere touch. She needed more. "P…please…" she pleaded, her breathing ragged from even the minor shifts in position the asari was making.

"Please what, Shepard?" she heard, a smile forming on her partner's face.

Shepard sighed in frustration, tears welling in her eyes from how selfish her request would be. "M…me. Me?"

The asari leaned down, their lips crashing together feverishly, their tongues exploring one another excitedly, their skin tingling with sensation. Shepard's body felt aflame, her mind shattered from the kiss, and found herself frowning when the asari pulled away, a mischievous glint in her partner's eyes.

"It will be my pleasure." Sha'ira said playfully, as her body began to rock back and forth. Shepard arched back, crying out as the asari's thigh ignited her core, her whole being full to bursting with blind pleasure. She bucked against Sha'ira and buried her face into her cerulean neck, holding herself tightly against the asari as waves of ecstasy flowed though her. With each passing second, each perfectly timed motion, Shepard needed it more. As Sha'ira's hands gently kneaded her breasts, she stopped caring about control, and began to accept her desires. She reached up, cupping the asari's face with a shaky hand; she yearned for another kiss, to share in her pleasure, to give back.

A blaringly loud alarm sounded, startling Shepard's body the rest of the way forward, slamming her head into the sleeping pod's ceiling. She took a minute to collect herself; her body was still incredibly sensitive and having spasms from her dream, and her ears were getting abused by the alarm going off intermittently. _Fuck. Last night I have fucking horrible nightmares, now I have…aw Christ. That's not an alarm, that's a personal buzzer. It's only been three and a half hours!_

Shepard opened the comms in her pod and groggily responded to the incessant beeping. "What is it?"

"Commander, it's Williams." She heard through the comm, making her feel both relieved and self conscious. _Well, hopefully they found something, but…I'm really not in any shape to go anywhere without a shower first. Everyone would smell me from a mile away_. "Garrus found the quarian, he wants us to meet him down at Chora's Den."

"Alright." Shepard replied, trying to think something up quickly. "Uh, Williams, I know it's urgent, but I realize I haven't showered since…since before Eden Prime. I'm going to need one of those."

"I thought Chakwas cleaned you up in the med-bay…" Williams responded, sounding a bit distant. "Anyway, sure, but you should probably be quick about it. I'll go save some time and grab you a set of armor while you do that."

"You're the best, Chief." Shepard said, before letting go of the comms button. "Christ…this had honestly better be worth it. Last thing I need is to have friggin' crazy, violent, and scary world-destroying nightmares alongside crazy, sexy, mind-destroying dreams about the consort. Get it together, Shepard. You don't need that shit."

She gracelessly stepped out of her pod and shambled toward the communal showers with a change of clothes, hoping they were empty and hoping the spray of the water wouldn't be too much for her sensitive body.

* * *

Shepard rapped her fist against her chestplate, unimpressed at the level of protection the armor offered her. _Serves me right for ruining my good armor. Still, you'd think they'd have an extra set of armor that fit me, considering my track record. Maybe the Alliance got tired of buying me armor…_ she thought, sighing at the sheer amount of padding and the ultra-lite shell over it. _Been a while since I've worn an infiltrator's armor. This won't hold up well at all under close quarters fire._

"Well, let's hope this doesn't take long, and that there's as few guns pointed in our direction as possible, Williams." Shepard said, wondering what Garrus had learned about the mystery quarian. She couldn't imagine the stress of being hunted by someone like Saren, all alone.

"Would have been nice to have Lieutenant Alenko here, ma'am." Williams stated, looking a little antsy.

Shepard shrugged in agreement, looking over at the young marine. _We're going into unofficial combat, probably. Not something she's probably ever had to do before…don't blame her for wanting more backup._ "I'm not going to cross Chakwas. Not until I have some kind of rapport built with that classy lady, at least. She wanted Alenko under bed rest, so I can't exactly veto that." Shepard responded. She understood the marine, there was strength in numbers. _Going into an unknown situation, it's always best to have more guns on your side._

"While we're kind of on the topic, did you get a good sleep, Commander? I heard a loud bang when I buzzed you…I hope I didn't startle you." Williams asked, sheepishly. Shepard couldn't quite read the marine's expression through the helmet, but there was a tinge of something else there.

"Don't worry about it. Serves me right for not setting the volume levels on the comm. And no, I didn't exactly get a restful sleep." Shepard muttered, wanting to rub the sore bump on her forehead. _Didn't get almost any rest…my whole body feels wiped, and that shower was…not helpful. At all._ "Anyway, Williams, you just let me know if you need a breather if any dirty stuff starts. I know starting back up after what you've gone through…especially this quickly…"

"I'll be fine, Commander." The marine stated, her voice and gaze steely.

Shepard nodded. "Good. You're a fantastic soldier, Williams, I have no doubt about that. I'm just saying the first time back is tough. I've been there before, I've served with others in similar spots, I know what to expect. I'll be watching your back the whole way. You watch mine, and we'll get out of this in good shape…hell, we'll get Saren's head on a platter if our luck turns out."

"You lost your whole unit before, ma'am? I mean…Torfan was…but some lived." Williams stuttered out, keeping her eyes ahead as the transport made its way to the lower wards.

Shepard bowed her head slightly, letting the memories flow through her. It wasn't her proudest moment; she hadn't been prepared to pick up a gun at that point, let alone lead a number of green recruits into hell with her.

"I was rushed out to a mission right after Torfan. I knew I wasn't a hundred percent, but I set that thought aside, thinking I could make myself ready. There was a slavery ring the Alliance wanted gone…some human slavers had been raiding Tiptree and selling them to this batarian piece of shit mining facility, Morrausq. I was given the orders to destroy the place." Shepard said, her voice calm, low. "They could have brought along a cruiser or two and bombed it into pieces. They could have told me I could save some of the slaves. Or that they wanted the ringleaders killed like in Torfan, but…they wanted us to get in and out, and they wanted it…clean."

Shepard looked over to the marine, her gaze boring into the younger woman's eyes. Williams turned her gaze to the dash of the skycar, resting her hands on it. "I was furious already over Torfan. I was furious about the slavery. I wanted to take my shotgun and make things right but I wasn't ready. I thought I was…I'd been to the firing range, I did an exercise or two, I was healed up physically…but when we got down there…" She stopped and collected her thoughts, censoring what she wanted to say, and leaving the rest. "I wasn't ready, I wasn't prepared. I was surrounded by new soldiers without adequate training. I had nothing to fall back on, and…well, the place was destroyed. Lost the rest of the unit. It was a massacre, on both ends. Would've died, if not for some slaves, and…well, that's another story."

"That…sounds…" Williams stammered, white-knuckled and gripping the dash.

"Thing is, Williams, these things happen. We're never prepared for them when they do, but we have to face the facts afterward. If we hide from it, we let it affect us, control us. You lost your unit, but it wasn't your fault. It was those damn geth and Saren, and your unit commander. It was horrible, but you can't let that define you. You're a damn good soldier, you've saved lives, and I'm not going to let what happened to me happen to you. If you're not a hundred percent, that's fine with me. I need to know that, and it's because I know how that affects us. We put the world on our backs and hate ourselves when we need a breather, or when we drop it." Shepard stated, taking a deep breath and resting her hand on the young marines' shoulder.

"Let me share the weight. Lean on me as much as you need. I only ever ask for one thing in return from people who work with me, Ash. I ask for honesty. That's it. If you're having trouble, let me know. If your gun's overheated, if someone's flanking you, if you've had enough killing for the day… let me know. No one's invincible, no one's an army. We all get hurt, and we all get tired, in more ways than one. If we band together and accept help, we can do anything." Shepard finished, hoping her drowsy ranting and blunt honesty would have a positive effect. "So I'll say it again…if you need a breather at any time, just let me know. That's a positive in my books, that's teamwork. Are we a team?"

Williams paused for a moment and nodded, looking a little more focused. "Yes ma'am. I'll try my best."

Shepard took the skycar's controls and led the vehicle down to the marketplace. "Good to hear, Williams. And seriously, when we're not on official duty, just call me Shepard."

"Alright, Shepard." Williams said, as the transport touched down. "Though I have to say, you're not the best at pep talks."

She couldn't help but laugh at the marine's remark. "I don't really sugarcoat things, Ash. Pep talks have their place and time. This wasn't it. I was given the ultimate pep talk before Morrausq. I needed honesty then, not some blind notion that everything would be fine if we worked hard. We need to work together, we need to be honest. That's how we play our strengths." Shepard stated, getting out of the car and stretching. "So the quarian is in Chora's Den?"

"That's what Garrus was led to believe. Saw security footage of her going in when he sent me to get you." Williams said, leading Shepard through the crowd, toward a corridor on the opposite end of the room. "She was limping pretty bad and didn't look armed."

"How'd he find out about her? Like, that she'd be at Chora's Den? Doesn't seem like a good place to hide a quarian." Shepard asked, a bit confused about the circumstances.

"He visited a contact of his, who happened to treat an injured quarian earlier. The doctor had pointed her there, saying the Shadow Broker had an agent to help get her to safety." Shepard nodded at the explanation, and sped up her pace upon seeing Garrus far off in the distance, checking over a rifle. _Damn Shadowy info broker guy has people everywhere, I guess…I wonder if the consort's one…_

The two quickly made their way over to the empty nook he was squatting in. A sign hung above an entrance on the opposite side of the room, assuring them that Chora's Den was somewhere close beyond it.

"Commander Shepard, glad you could make it here so quickly." The turian stated, Shepard unsure if he was being sarcastic. _Hard to tell with turians, they have really different facial expressions… and mouths…_

"Good work finding this mystery quarian, Garrus. Knew you could do it…this could be our big break." Shepard said, deciding to take a neutral approach to avoid hostilities. "What are we dealing with? I assume you've scoped the place out."

"Well, the Den is packed with mercs. So they're in there defending someone…" Garrus started, before his voice trailed off.

"But you don't know who." Williams finished, nodding.

Garrus shrugged and scratched at his hip. "Yeah. Could be the quarian, but I saw two of the mercs that attacked her earlier head into Chora's Den unharmed. So…I'm kind of confused. I wish I knew more."

"What kind of numbers are we looking at?" Shepard asked, opening her omni-tool and looking at the building layout for Chora's Den.

"Probably two dozen. Give or take a handful more. They're probably entrenched and their numbers would make for hellish suppressive fire." Garrus stated.

Shepard nodded and pointed to Garrus' rifle. "Alright. I take it from your rifle that you're more of a long range specialist, I'm a human pinball, and Williams provides top-notch cover fire. But if I go in and start cleaning house, I'm…"

"Uh, Shepard? We have a problem." Williams said, prodding her shoulder nervously. Shepard saw Garrus look up and seemingly grimace, drawing her attention to whatever was behind her. A huge blood-red krogan was stomping in their direction, full of purpose. _Well, I'll be damned…what's he doing here? Hrm…_

She stood up and moved to block the entrance casually, offering him a wave as he neared. "What brings you to this part of town, stranger?"

The krogan merely grunted and kept trudging toward her. "So you actually might have a quad after all. Here I thought you were a cowardly pyjak for snooping around me earlier." The krogan grumbled, slowing his pace as he reached her. "Out of the way, human."

"Nah, you're going to have to wait in line this time…Wrex, is it? We've got business in Chora's Den to take care of first." She said, hoping the krogan would take the bait and get impatient. She stepped toward him and slipped her hand onto her pistol.

"I have a bounty to collect." The krogan stated, turning his gaze to Garrus. "I'm sure C-Sec would wet themselves if I went on another killing spree, wouldn't they whelp?" Wrex finished, chuckling to himself, pushing the muzzle of his shotgun against Shepard's chest. She just held out her arm, signaling Williams to stay calm.

"Weren't you collecting for Fist?" Williams asked, drawing another grunt from Wrex. _Right…good call, Williams!_

"He's dead. He just doesn't know it yet." Wrex stated confidently, drawing an amused smirk from Shepard.

"There's about two dozen mercs in there as a welcoming party, Wrex. I'm pretty sure even you'll have trouble there." Garrus mentioned, his hand slowly reaching for his rifle.

Wrex let out a thunderous laugh at the remark. "Bahaha! I let him know I was coming. I'm happy he has so many friends there for the funeral." Wrex said, chuckling.

"So you're after Fist, and we learned a certain person of interest was sent to him for protection, under the guise that he was an agent of the Shadow Broker…" Shepard started, before Wrex pushed her back slightly with his shotgun.

"Not anymore. He betrayed the broker, decided to take someone else's money. No one does that and lives. Not when I'm called for the job." Wrex finished with a notably sinister sounding laugh.

"What are the odds that Saren paid this Fist guy off, Shepard?" Williams piped up, still fully focused on Wrex. "Think that's why Wrex is here?"

"Pretty good odds, I'd say, if Garrus' intel is right. And we know why. Which means our quarian's in some serious danger." Shepard said quickly, pointing her pistol at Wrex. "So, Wrex, looks like you have two options. You go in alone, guns blazing, and get real wounded… where we waltz in, getting what we need off your work. Or, we go in at the same time, do our thing, and give Chora's Den a wake to remember."

"I have more options than that, whelp." Wrex grumbled, aiming his shotgun back toward Shepard.

"True, but those are the smart ones. No way you get through us three alive, let alone going through Fist's men right after. The craziest krogan regeneration couldn't make up for that kind of damage, I've fought enough to know that." She bluffed, knowing that a c-sec officer and two beat up marines would have a dim chance at stopping a biotic krogan. "In the end, both of us need to go in there and do what we need to. Think you could keep up?" Shepard asked, cocking an eyebrow. _I don't want a firefight with this brute, not in this state, but… hopefully a little taunting will win him over._

"You've never went up against a krogan battlemaster, Shepard." Wrex growled, before grinning wide. "It would be fun to steal the glory from you three. Let's get moving."

Shepard smiled and nodded, turning to Garrus as Wrex moved past her. She motioned for him and Williams to fall in as she kept close behind the krogan. "Garrus, hang back, I need precision fire from you, and I need it often. Your scope will be limited until we clear out the entrance of the club, so I need you to be as active as possible. Ash, I need you a few feet back of me. Keep to cover on my flanks, only fire where Garrus can't. Wrex should be enough of a distraction alongside me that we should be able to demoralize them quickly, wiping their front ranks. We come in like a wrecking ball, and settle in after they start to squirm. Take as few risks as you can afford to. Questions?"

She was met with the sound of minor weapon calibrations as they reached the closed doors of the club, a quiet affirmation that they were ready. She would have laughed at Wrex's visible excitement if they weren't heading into a nest of mercs, woefully outnumbered.

Wrex entered the club at Shepard's two count, but the trio adapted quickly; Shepard weaved around Wrex's path of destruction, charging from cover to cover, unleashing her shotgun and lifting opponents from cover in the few short lulls. Williams leashed herself to Shepard, covering her flank as the veteran worked her way through the club tenaciously, the young marine keeping the merc aggression in check long enough to reposition themselves with ease. Garrus hung far back near the entrance, picking his shots, scalping the mercs hiding behind cover. In the end, the club was a smoking disaster, corpses piled across the floor.

Shepard checked over her armor as Wrex scavenged the dropped weapons for mods. _Two plates fully penetrated and cracked…one cracked, but still functional…I'll just have to make sure I don't lead with my left leg when I charge. Not bad._ _Though I think I opened up a lot of my shrapnel wounds, my upper body's killing me right now. I think I might be bleeding…_ She mused, looking over at Williams, who was looking a little spaced out.

"I'm pretty sure that was the whole of the defense. If Fist is here, he's probably hiding in the back." Shepard stated, her shotgun finally cooled down fully.

Wrex grunted and shook his head. "Coward. Should have been out here fighting."

"At least he's not getting away this time. No secondary exits in this place. Slippery bastard's finally caught." Garrus mentioned, sounding pleased with their efforts.

Shepard moved over to Williams and gave her a look over. _Hasn't taken much damage, her shields must have held pretty well._ "I'm gonna need one of you or Garrus to hold the fort here and watch our backs in case any reinforcements arrive. You want to come meet Fist, or do you want to stay out here?"

Williams wiped some blood off her assault rifle and looked toward the turian. "I…I think I need some air. I'll watch the doors."

Shepard smiled and patted the young marine's helmet. "You did great, Ash. We'll be right back." She said, before turning and heading toward the back doors alongside Wrex, with Garrus in tow.

As the trio entered the back room, they were met with the sight of two shaking, nervous looking, unarmored workers. _Probably haul in the alcohol shipments…they have no reason to be doing this…_

"S…stop right there! Don't come any closer!" One of them yelled, waving his shotgun in their faces. "We're not fooling around!"

Shepard took a step forward, unimpressed. "Neither are we. We took out over twenty mercs on our own and we didn't get a scratch on us." She said, quickly pulling the shotgun from one of the worker's hands and tossing it to the side. "This isn't your job, this isn't your responsibility. Go home."

The two quickly glanced at each other and ran away behind them, dropping the remaining weapon on the floor in their haste.

"Would have been quicker to just kill them." Wrex grumbled, tromping toward the next set of doors.

"They were civilians, they've probably never fired a gun in their lives… probably never had one pointed at them. No need to kill them." Shepard reasoned. As Wrex made it to the doors, gunfire erupted, forcing the three to the side of the walls. _That rate…at least one turret._

"I'm on it." Garrus called out, understanding the situation. He pulled out his omni tool and quickly darted across the doorway from wall to wall, unleashing his overload program on the area. The two turrets quickly fizzled out, prompting Wrex to barge into the room, quickly cornering a terrified looking human in the corner of the office.

"Easy, Wrex, we need to wring some info out of him before anything." Garrus noted, following the lumbering krogan into the room. Shepard was third inside and made her way beside the krogan.

"Please, don't kill me! I…" Fist started to say, before Shepard pushed him back against the wall roughly.

"Tell me where the quarian is and Wrex won't break your kneecaps." Shepard growled, aiming her pistol at him. She heard Wrex grumble something, but kept her focus trained on the sniveling man in front of her.

"She's not here, I don't know where she is. That's the truth!" Fist exclaimed, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. She didn't buy his explanation one bit, smacking him in the face with the side of her gun as a warning.

"He's no use to you now. Let me kill him." Wrex muttered, readying his shotgun. Garrus placed a taloned hand on it and gave Wrex a stern look. She swore she could hear Wrex rolling his eyes.

"Wait, wait! Look…I don't know where the quarian is…but I know where you can find her." Fist stuttered out, his voice trembling from the stress. "She isn't here, she said she'd only deal with the Shadow Broker himself."

"Face to face? Impossible." Wrex grumbled, shaking his head. "Even I was hired through an agent."

"No one meets the Shadow Broker…ever…even I don't know his true identity…but she didn't know that." Fist explained, his voice getting weaker under the Commander's increasingly harsh glare. "I told her I'd set a meeting up, but when she gets there…someone else's men will be waiting for her."

"Saren's mercs, you mean." Garrus piped up, drawing a nod from Fist.

"Tell me where that meeting is and maybe I won't kill your lying, slaver ass." Shepard growled, menacingly, pressing her pistol against Fist's forehead.

"H…here on the wards! The back alley by the markets!" He cried out, visibly shaking.

"When?" Garrus demanded, though Shepard had a feeling she wouldn't like the answer.

"It's supposed to happen around now. If you hurry…" Fist began, before getting clocked viciously upside the head by Shepard's pistol.

"Garrus, get whatever info's laying around in here and catch up, alright? Get C-sec here fast." she asked, making her way to the door. "Wrex, come on."

"I have a contract, Shepard." Wrex protested angrily. She shook her head as she reached the doors.

"You and I both know he's not worth killing." She stated, quickly leaving the area. She was surprised to hear him tromp along behind her.

"You owe me Shepard." Wrex muttered as they jogged through the corpse-ridden den.

"I owe you and the Broker, yeah. I'll make good, don't worry. Might even include a bottle of Ryncol for you." She responded as they reached Williams. "Come on Ash, quarian's in trouble!"

They raced down the entranceway to the den, Shepard hoping they wouldn't be too late. _Please, please be alive when we get there…I'm tired of this down to the wire shit!_

* * *

Tali paced in the small, oddly lit area, constantly checking her surroundings for any sign of activity, unable to stop wringing her hands due to her nervousness. _Focus, Tali! You made it this far…and that Fist guy seemed…well, not nice. At all. But he set up a meeting with the Shadow Broker for me…and…and it makes sense that the Citadel's the centre of civilization, and that this Shadow Broker would be here, right? Or…maybe that's too convenient…Keelah! I'm not sure what to expect. Why didn't Fist tell me what the Broker looked like? He said he'd met him often…_

A sound to her left caught her attention, drawing her eyes to an approaching turian wearing black and brown garments, and a ghastly white clan marking on his face. _Fist said he'd be there with the Shadow Broker…why is this turian here? Keelah, why would the Shadow Broker meet up here, anyway? It's not safe here, just isolated. Perfect for a…trap…_

"Did you bring it?" he asked, stepping closer to her.

Remaining still and trying to keep her cool, Tali slowly moved her hand to her hip, taking hold of a proximity mine. _Just in case…_

"Where's the Shadow Broker? Where's Fist?" she asked, hoping her nervousness wasn't audible. The turian moved up close to her and began feeling her up, trailing a talon down the side of her mask to her arm.

"They'll be here. Where's the evidence?" He stated, but Tali's gut was telling her that she'd been set up. She used her other hand to knock his arm away, and took a few steps back.

"No way. The deal's off." She stated coolly, angry at herself for believing the club owner, and angry at the turian for being so transparent.

The turian spun slowly, grabbing a shotgun, while a few Salarian mercenaries stalked out of their cover toward her. Tali tossed the mine in their direction and sprinted back toward a set of crates, hurdling over them into cover as an explosion rang out. She pulled out her pistol and muttered curses to herself before popping out of cover, firing a few shots into the smoke. As her third shot rang out, a small shiny object grabbed her attention, lobbing through the air quickly toward her. _Grenade._ Her eyes widened in shock and her body froze, knowing the explosion would catch her behind her cover. She knew her barriers wouldn't hold against that.

She fired off one last round and braced against the crates for impact, but it never came; a blue burst sailed past her, and another body brought her down into cover, lightly holding her there with one hand. Gunfire erupted all around her, and all she could see were a set or half-armored legs beside her as she curled up beside her cover _. It's so loud! And…I don't even know who these people are! Are…are they with Fist or the Shadow Broker? I'm just happy they're not firing at me._

She sat there huddled for a few seconds more before the carnage around her subsided. She was sure that if her suit didn't filter out most of the olfactory stimulus around her, it would smell pungently of smoke and death. She took a moment to collect herself and looked up at the human kneeling beside her, looking her over curiously.

"Seems like you've had one hell of a time here on the Citadel." The woman said softly, smiling sadly at her. "Are you hurt?"

Tali scooted backward slightly, wincing as the contusion in her leg flared up. "Are you with the Shadow Broker? Or with Fist?"

The woman dropped her weapon to the ground and sat back against the crates. She looked exhausted, and the padding under her armor looked like it was soaked with blood in spots. "Not really, no, but don't worry. You're safe with us."

Tali let out a groan and shook her head. "That bosh'tet Fist set me up…I knew I couldn't trust him!"

"Don't worry about Fist. We took care of him…I just wish we'd have been able to help you earlier." The woman said, looking at her with concern as the rest of her group began arguing over in the far corner. _What's a human doing with a turian and a krogan? This is…weird…wait…is that the krogan that ran into me earlier? Keelah…_

"Well, I guess there are two things I have to thank you for, then." She said, sitting upright. "Who are you?"

The woman let out a light chuckle and shook her head slightly. "There's no need to thank me, I'm just relieved we got to you in time." She noted, wincing as she rotated her shoulder. "I'm Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy, Systems Alliance. Just call me Shepard though… I'm technically off-duty right now. That other human there is Gunnery Chief Williams, she's with me. The turian is an investigator at C-Sec, Garrus Vakarian. Finally, that shameless scavenging Krogan is Wrex, he's one of the Shadow Broker's hired guns. "

"I…see. If you're off duty, then…why are you here? Not…not that I'm complaining…" Tali asked, skeptical of why such a motley crew happened to show up; her confusion having reached a boiling point after what she'd gone through all day.

"I won't lie, we had an agenda helping you out. There's this Spectre, Saren, that's been hunting you across the galaxy for a while now. I…I'm sorry for your loss, by the way. I heard you had another quarian with you who was killed…" the woman said softly, staring directly at her face mask. "We've been looking at finding dirt on this Saren guy. He's done some terrible things lately. He nearly wiped out a colony on Eden Prime, and he killed your friend…we want to stop him, and we learned you'd escaped to the Citadel. I'm just glad we made it in time to help."

"I might have something to repay you with, then… for saving my life." Tali stated, unable to keep from wishing that these people had been there on Illium when she and Keenah'Breizh were in trouble. _That's not fair, Tali. They've helped you enough already._ "It's been far too much trouble already, but…you can have it. I'd just prefer to go somewhere safe first." She said, struggling to get to her feet. The human woman quickly scrambled up and offered her hand. Tali took it and used the soldier's body as a crutch, limping as she made it to her feet.

"Easy, now. You didn't answer me when I asked if you're hurt…we have a great doctor on the ship and a pretty fancy med-bay. We can get you patched up, and we can review what you've got while we're there, if you like." Shepard said, frowning at Tali's poor effort to mask that she favoured one of her legs. "It looks like you've got a pretty rough leg injury, we should get that looked at."

"Sorry to interject, Commander, but if she's got information that could expose Saren, we should get it to Udina as soon as possible." The other human woman stated quickly, having moved closer along with the others at some point.

"T…thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine. If I can help you get back at that bosh'tet, and help keep the galaxy safer…that's more important. I'll be running a fever for a few days, and my leg's a bit sore, but I'll be fine." She said, trying to deflect the topic of conversation away from herself. Shepard still looked concerned about her, but nodded.

"Ash, get Anderson to meet us at Udina's office. Garrus, I'd prefer if you could come along to give some credibility to this, but if you've got to stick around, then I won't blame you." The woman stated.

"I'm a witness to what we've done here. I'm sorry, Shepard, I need to stay." The turian noted, looking a little crestfallen.

Shepard nodded at the officer and smiled. It was odd for Tali to see a human ordering around a C-Sec officer and a Shadow Broker agent, but she had a certain air about her. _I think I can trust her._ "No worries, I'll catch up with you later. Wrex, where can I meet up with you to discuss…well, whatever the cost for this was?"

"Meet me at Flux later. I'll talk to the Shadow Broker, but you owe me a bottle of Ryncol on top of whatever the cost is. I'll be waiting." The krogan grumbled, marching off back toward the lower wards.

"Alright then. I'm sorry…I've been a little distracted and I'm running on next to no sleep, so I forgot. What's your name?" Shepard asked, looking sheepishly at her. Tali blushed with embarrassment, mentally berating herself over not giving proper introductions. _Great first impression, Tali'Zorah. Keelah, what would father say?_

"Oh…uh, my name is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. I should have told you before." She mumbled, casting her gaze down on her feet, swaying slightly off balance.

Shepard let out a light laugh, the soldier's arm adjusting to keep her steady. "Honestly, I'm kinda bad for that. I have a tendency to forget to introduce myself…Williams here went half a battle with me before she knew who I was."

"Alenko told me after we met, ma'am, but at least you did tell me later on." Williams noted, Tali unsure if she was disgruntled or amused due to the helmet and her stiff posture.

"I'm a bit informal at times, I'll admit." The woman said playfully, guiding Tali gingerly back toward the lower wards marketplace. "Anyway, let's get you to a skycar and over to the embassies. I'm sure Udina won't mind us interrupting his beauty sleep."

The two soldiers laughed and led her onward, leaving the turian behind. _Maybe…maybe things are looking up…_

* * *

The look on Udina's face when the three arrived almost changed Shepard's mind on whether meeting with him immediately was a good idea. She still held fast to the idea that Tali needed medical attention; her limp hadn't improved, and she was clearly exhausted. Still, the ambassador's face was contorted into an exaggerated, comical grimace, and she couldn't help but grin guiltily about her prior promise to not cause too much trouble. _Well, I don't think I blew anything up, specifically…I think I kind of kept my promise in that regard…_ she thought, noticing Anderson sitting off to the side.

"You're not making my life easy Shepard! I get a message in the middle of the night saying you have some evidence to show me…concrete evidence on Saren. Then I check my messages and hear you've incited firefights in the wards, and did an all-out assault on Chora's Den! Do you know how many asses I'm going to have to kiss in C-Sec to make up for this?" Udina raged, animatedly pointing his finger at Shepard as if it were a deadly weapon. "Do you know how many…Wait…who's this? A _quarian_? What are you up to Shepard?"

Shepard would have been more amused if Udina hadn't almost spat out the last bit of what he'd said. She narrowed her eyes and bit back as much of her annoyance as she could. "This quarian can help us bring down Saren. I would have told you that if you hadn't jumped down my throat." She stated coolly. "I'm sorry I interrupted your beauty sleep, and maybe you've got a day or two's paper-work added to your pile, but let's think big picture here, Udina. Saren will be exposed, and I'm sure humanity will gain in some way, and it's because of this quarian here. And she actually has a name, so put on your ambassador hat and act like one."

Udina stood still, looking a tiny bit baffled, before nodding. "I apologize, Commander. This whole thing with Saren has me a bit on edge." He stated, settling into the political form he showed in the council chambers. He turned his gaze to Tali and offered her an apologetic look. "Maybe we should just start at the beginning, Miss…?"

The quarian straightened slightly, pressing a tiny bit more pressure on Shepard's shoulder. "My name is Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." She said, sounding more than a little wary of Udina, but polite nonetheless.

"We don't see many quarians on the Citadel. Especially the presidium. Why did you leave the flotilla?" Udina asked, a little confused, but Shepard was pleased he was being courteous now.

"I…just started on my pilgrimage... my rite of passage into adulthood. All quarians leave the flotilla at some point, I just found my way here somehow." Tali stated, piquing Shepard's curiosity.

"Pilgrimage? I've never heard of that before. What is it?" She asked, wondering why the quarians would travel so far from home.

"It is a tradition among my people. When we reach maturity, we leave the ships of our parents and our people behind." Tali mentioned, wistfully. "Alone, we search the stars, only returning to the flotilla once we have discovered something of value. In this way, we prove ourselves worthy of adulthood."

Shepard nodded and smiled. _Not too different from what me and Heather did when we joined up…but it was our decision then, and we weren't exactly out finding things to come back with…though I wonder…_

"What kind of things do you look for, usually?" She asked, the data core long forgotten for the moment.

"It…could be resources, like food or fuel. Or some type of useful technology, or blueprints, or schematics…or even knowledge that will make life easier on the flotilla. It's all to prove that we can contribute to the community like adults, rather than being a burden on our…well, limited resources. But…this isn't really why I'm here, exactly." Tali said, head cocked toward Shepard. _I wonder what her visibility's like, seeing through that mask…I have a feeling I'm going to pester her with a lot of questions…_

Shepard nodded and scanned the room. Udina looked surprisingly intrigued, but Williams and Anderson looked bored out of their minds and impatient, respectively.

Anderson stood up from his chair and took a few steps toward the group. "How did you manage to get a hold of this evidence, anyway?"

"During my travels, I began hearing reports of geth. Since they drove my people into exile, the geth haven't ventured beyond the Perseus Veil. I was curious." Tali noted, looking slightly apprehensive. "On the way to Illium, I found out about a Geth patrol nearby. My friend and I managed to extract a data core and it…"

"I thought the geth fried their memory cores when they died. Some kind of defense mechanism." Anderson piped in, interrupting Tali mid sentence. Shepard knit her brow, recalling her lessons on the geth from years past. _I thought it was impossible…but maybe we've just got outdated knowledge?_

"I…Keelah…" Tali sighed, and her shoulders slumped forward a little. "They do, but it is not impossible. My people created the geth and we know them better than anyone else, even centuries after the Morning War. If you're quick, careful and lucky, small caches of data can be saved. It's a risk, but it's possible."

"So what's on the core?" Shepard asked, again peering into Tali's mask, a little unnerved at her own reflection being the only thing really visible outside of two small, bright ovals. _Those must be her eyes…_

"Most of it was wiped clean, but…I salvaged something from its audio banks. I don't really know what it's about, but it mentioned that Prime place you talked about earlier." Tali said, pulling the core from one of her pockets and fiddling with it, one-handed. She handed it to Udina and opened her omni-tool, playing her copy of the recording.

"Eden Prime was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit…" the recording was obviously Saren's voice, and Anderson hastily interrupted it, forcing Tali to pause it temporarily.

"That's Saren's voice! This proves he was involved in the attack!" He said excitedly. Shepard wasn't sure she'd ever seen him look so giddy in her life.

"He said the beacon brought him one step closer to finding the Conduit…any idea what a conduit is?" she asked, baffled. It was exciting to know they'd been right, that she'd seen Saren groundside, but the message made little sense to her.

"Must have something to do with the beacon, which means it's probably some kind of prothean technology…like a weapon." Anderson said, his voice grave. She didn't want to immediately assume it was a weapon, but she wouldn't put it past the strange-looking turian.

"Uh…um…there's more. Saren wasn't working alone." Tali mumbled, though it brought the group's attention squarely on her. She tapped her omni-tool again, and the recording started.

"Eden Prime was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit." She heard Saren claim, a vague metallic ringing in the background.

"And one step closer to the return of the Reapers." Another voice stated, this one feminine, sounding regal and well enunciated. Shepard glanced around the group to see if anyone recognized the voice, but all she noticed was confusion.

"Not sure who that is, but what the heck are Reapers? Like, grim reapers?" Williams asked, speaking for the first time in the meeting. Shepard shrugged her shoulders slightly, hoping it wouldn't send Tali too off-balance.

"They don't sound very pleasant, that's for sure." Shepard noted.

"I…well, I might be able to help with that." Tali said, sounding nervous.

"If you know anything that could help, we would appreciate it." Anderson stated, sounding calm for the first time that day.

"Keelah…I…you have to promise me that this does not leave the room. The geth have grouped together with this Saren person, and…well, if they're trying to bring back the Reapers, maybe it's better to share the knowledge. If we can weaken Saren and the geth, it technically is a way to protect the flotilla…" Tali rambled, before Shepard gave her a light squeeze, hoping the reassure her.

"I think we can all agree that what's said here can stay here, on that topic at least. You've given us this evidence, the least we can give you is some confidentiality." Shepard said softly, earning a delayed nod from Tali.

"Right…well, quarian scout teams occasionally go into the veil to see what the geth are up to, if they've made advancements…that kind of activity. We've collected a number of caches and have found more information about these Reapers in recent years." Tali stated, sounding more confident as she went on. "There aren't many secrets on the flotilla, so it didn't take long for me to hear about it, but the geth…revere the Reapers as gods, the pinnacle of non-organic life."

"Can machines even have the ability to understand faith?" Williams asked, sounding skeptical.

Tali shook her head animatedly. "I don't think so. At least, not in the way we do, but still…they seem to worship them. One scout team found what looked like a shrine, once. I thought it was hard to believe, but…as we learned more, I started to think a little differently. They were apparently a really advanced machine race that existed around fifty thousand years ago, or about that. I can't remember the amount the caches specified."

Shepard felt the world slow for a moment as her vision came back to her briefly, a sharp pain rippling through her skull momentarily before vanishing. "Fifty thousand years ago?" Shepard asked, sounding weary. "That's around when the protheans ruled…or went extinct."

"I don't know much about protheans, Shepard. Just that the reapers vanished, without a trace of data as to why. It's…troubling." Tali mentioned apologetically.

"Maybe that's what I saw in my…vision thingy. Those machines definitely weren't geth, but…they could be these Reaper things…and it was a prothean beacon…if these things took out the protheans…" Shepard rambled, vocalizing her thoughts in bursts, trying to piece her vision together, to make sense of it.

"That sounds a little far-fetched, Shepard. The protheans built the mass relays and the Citadel. These technologies are still here, and I doubt the machines would have let them be, in that case." Udina interrupted, sounding a little antsy. _He has every right to be, if what I saw is true…something on that level…that could bring this galaxy to its knees…what the hell have I gotten myself into?_

"I'll agree it might be a stretch, but it's the only thing I can think of." Shepard stated, trying to defend herself, despite feeling she sounded like a lunatic.

"It makes some sense. The geth don't venture past the veil, and they haven't been militaristic since the war…now they're teamed with Saren, and fighting battles for this person who wants to bring these Reapers back? Whether the Reapers are real or not, I think that's why this is happening." Tali concluded, looking over to a disgruntled looking Anderson and Udina.

"The council will have a field day with these theories." Udina grumbled, his calm façade now broken away.

"Not if we don't tell them." Shepard was surprised to hear the words erupt from Anderson's mouth. _For once, we're on the same wavelength_. "We have the evidence on Saren, the rest can come later."

Shepard gave the captain a quick nod. "I'll agree with Anderson here. We leave the Reapers out of it for now. No theories, just evidence. That's what they wanted. We show the link between Saren and Eden prime, and he's out of the Spectres, and loses their resources. Maybe that hurts him a bit. That's our top priority."

Udina rested his hand against his mouth for a moment, thinking it all over before he nodded in agreement. "I'll bring the evidence to the Council at once. The only loose end here is the quarian."

"My name is Tali!" Shepard heard erupt from beside her. Tali leant forward unsteadily, prompting Shepard to bring her back a little, taking some of the stress off of her ailing leg.

"She's nursing some injuries, but Tali's as close to a geth expert as we have available to us. Going forward, I think that experience is invaluable. She's already helped us enormously, and she's proven she's resourceful by eluding Saren for so long. I say we bring her into the fold. Or, at least, if that sounds good with you, Tali." Shepard felt confident that she'd be able to get Tali on-board, and the quick nod the injured quarian gave her only made her more certain. _I think it would be great to have someone like her on board…but Alliance regs…that might be trouble. Still, I need to at least get her patched up. Especially with what she's gone through so far. No way I let Anderson keep her away. Not right now._

"What about your pilgrimage?" Anderson asked, Shepard pleasantly surprised that the question wasn't a lot more complicated and based on military restrictions.

"The…the pilgrimage proves we are willing to give of ourselves for the greater good. What does it say about me if I turn my back on this? It would be a poor moral choice to not take this opportunity. My people made the geth. With them and Saren potentially placing the galaxy at risk, my pilgrimage can wait. I have a duty to uphold." Tali stated passionately. Shepard smiled at the conviction behind the girl's voice. She looked over to Anderson expectantly, knowing she probably looked a little silly, but it was important to her that Tali be included.

Anderson nodded slowly, a slow grin forming on his face. "I suppose I'll file for an exception. The Normandy was engineered by a team of humans and turians…including a quarian might well be in the spirit of the ship."

"Thank you, you won't regret this!" Tali said, positively jubilant.

"With that issue settled, Anderson and I will go ahead and get things ready with the Council. You will have a few hours to collect yourselves, as they don't open proceedings until morning. Meet us in the Tower at 0800." Udina noted, ushering Anderson along with him.

The three stood there and breathed a sigh of relief, glad that they would have some downtime before anything else happened. Shepard looked at the chrono on her omni-tool.

"So that gives us…six and a half hours." She noted, wondering what she could spend the time on.

"I don't know about you, ma'am, but I'm going to get some well deserved rest." Williams stated, yawning into her hand.

"I think that's a pretty great idea, Williams, you've earned a god night's sleep." Shepard said, smiling at the younger marine before turning her head to Tali. "And I think we should get you to the med-bay. I think I'll need some patching up too." She finished, pressing down on her breastplate and hearing the blood-saturated padding let out a disturbing sound. Williams cringed and nodded in agreement.

"I am fine, really." Tali insisted, but Williams have her way to Tali's other side and used her arm to support Tali.

"Yeah, no. You've got a bad limp at the least, and it looks like you patched one of your arms up recently. The doc should check you out first." The marine said apologetically, understanding the urge to not see medical staff.

"Thanks Ash. I appreciate it." Shepard said, happy that their new acquaintance was burdened less. "So Tali, you a fan of ships?"

Shepard felt that the worries of the future could hopefully wait a few hours, feeling in dire need of rest. The whole walk back, though, her mind drifted off to her vision, and she felt the fear from the dream pulsate through her. She felt it in her bones. She could only hope she wouldn't feel it in her dreams.


	7. You and Whose Army

Shepard ascended the steps in the court of the council chambers yet again, with Alenko and Williams at her side. She wished Tali had been allowed to come, if not just to dispel the déjà vu, but because she had earned the experience. _I doubt any quarian's seen these chambers since they were exiled centuries ago…it would have been nice for Tali to set foot here. She deserves it._ She also hoped that another visit to the council wouldn't give Alenko another headache, and hoped it was just a fluke. _At least Williams is looking well rested…wish I'd gotten her sleep…_

They met Anderson exactly where he'd been before, midway up the last staircase to the council chambers. "Come on. Udina's presenting the evidence to the Council." He stated, turning and marching up to the main chambers. _Why is it that we always arrive after they've already started? It's not even 0800!_ She thought, sighing as she ascended the last steps and made her way to the platform.

The recording filled the air as Shepard caught up to Udina, stopping a step or two behind and to the side of the ambassador.

"You wanted proof? There it is." Udina stated calmly, stepping up to the ledge of the narrow platform. Shepard wondered why there weren't guard rails to prevent overzealous politicians from falling to their death _. Maybe that's just a way to let nature take its course…_

The turian councilor held his face in one of his talons, shaking his head in seeming disbelief. "This evidence…is irrefutable, Ambassador." The councilor noted, sounding both shocked and dismayed. "Saren will be stripped of his Spectre status, and all efforts will be made to bring him in to answer for his crimes."

Shepard scanned the rest of the council, noticing the salarian councilor looking shocked as well. The asari councilor was the only one whose expression she couldn't quite read. _Is that…confusion? Or worry? Or…apprehension? So hard to tell with her facial markings…_

"I'm more interested in the Reapers. What do you know about them?" the salarian councilor asked candidly.

"We do not have much information to work with at the moment, Councilors." Udina stated, sounding slightly apologetic. "We've been made aware that they are, or were, apparently an incredibly advanced race of synthetics that existed tens of thousands of years ago."

Shepard angled her head slightly, in thought over Udina's words. _Well, he didn't spill the beans, but he said more than I would have. Still, he probably has an angle he's trying to work here._

The turian councilor dismissively waved a talon at Udina. "Listen to what you're saying, Ambassador. Do you expect us to believe that such a population existed when we have found no trace of anything resembling an advanced machine race? And that Saren wants to bring these back?" the turian councilor asked, more animated than before. "I have a hard time believing Saren Arterius would be so delusional. Where did the Reapers go? Why did they vanish? Why haven't we found evidence of their existence before?"

Udina leaned up against the terminal in front of him. "All valid questions, Councilor. We do not know enough about these Reapers to form a conclusion. My own theory is that he is using whatever history the geth have on these Reapers against them as a means to control them. Whatever this Conduit is may have something to do with technology that the geth want access to. They are an army that rebuilds themselves, and if Saren has that army at his side, he's a danger to the galaxy."

"It is clear that Saren is using the geth to search for this Conduit, but we do not know why. Do you have any insight as to why the beacon on Eden Prime would be important in his search?" the asari councilor asked, once again calm and collected.

"We do not feel it is worth speculating over that at this point in time, Councilor. We do not know enough about what Saren is doing to make any assumptions." Udina replied, earning a nod from Shepard.

"I will agree with you Ambassador. The Reapers are obviously just a myth, a convenient lie to cover Saren's true purpose, whatever it may be. He is using their legend to bend the geth to his will." The salarian councilor stated, raising an eyebrow from Shepard. _For a councilor who seems to value facts and logic, he's jumping to conclusions awful quickly._

"What will be done about Saren, councilors?" Udina asked, nodding in agreement with the salarian.

"Saren is a rogue agent on the run for his life. He no longer has the rights or resources of a Spectre. The Council has stripped him of his position." The turian councilor said, his voice straining with each word. _Probably hard for him to accept what Saren did, to throw him under the bus._

"That isn't good enough! He has an army out there, endangering colonies everywhere! He has likely had time to accumulate vast resources. He's hiding somewhere in the Traverse, you need to be active or Eden Prime could be one of many catastrophes. Go in full force!" Udina said passionately, pounding his fist on the sturdy terminal.

"If you are suggesting we send a fleet in, Ambassador, you would be foolish. A fleet cannot track down one man." The salarian councilor stated flatly, sounding unimpressed. "If we were to send in a singular fleet, it would expose the rest of citadel space to danger. We cannot risk such a tactic, even knowing human colonies are scattered through the Traverse. You knew the risks when you went in there."

"It could also trigger a war with the terminus systems. We won't be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a few dozen human colonies." The turian councilor muttered openly.

"You agree that Saren is a danger, we made you aware of this danger, and you refuse to provide us with aid? How is this justice?" Udina asked, looking entirely baffled. Shepard was stunned at the lack of support the Council was willing to give. _I wouldn't expect a fleet, but…hell, some bolstering of our own patrols would be nice. Even if it probably wouldn't accomplish much, knowing what happened on Eden Prime._ "I am sick and tired of this anti-…"

The asari councilor's voice cut through Udina's, its volume raised yet still keeping its elegance. "There is another solution, Ambassador. A way to stop Saren that does not require fleets or armies." She finished, glancing over at her turian counterpart, who looked to her in disbelief.

"No! It's too soon. Humanity is not ready for the responsibilities that come with joining the Spectres!" he yelled, starting to lose his composure. _Me? A Spectre?...Well, that escalated quickly. Maybe I should celebrate by watching 'Blasto 2: Bloodfist's Revengening' tonight… if I can find an open terminal, at least…_

"I will agree with Councilor Tevos, Shepard had proven herself a worthy candidate prior to Eden Prime. Her actions deserve consideration." The salarian noted. The turian looked at him for a few moments and shook his head in surrender as the other two began tapping away at their terminals.

"Commander Shepard, please step forward." Tevos called out. Shepard did as she was asked and stepped up to the terminal that Udina was vacating. _This should be…fun? Or not. Another title, more expectations, another narrative…yay. Should be fun seeing how the public responds to the Butcher being a Spectre._

She noticed people had gathered on the upper press boxes in the chamber, many leaning over the rails to get a better view. _I guess they wanted to show they weren't going to support Saren…good thing we didn't bring up the reapers here in front of everyone…at least, what I think happened._

"It is the decision of the Council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel." Tevos stated, for focus directed squarely on Shepard.

"Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fires of service and battle, those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file." The salarian councilor said firmly.

"Spectres are an ideal, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will." The asari councilor continued. Shepard fought the urge to roll her eyes. _Courage, determination, a symbol and an ideal? Well…the Alliance has already heaped that on my back, I suppose it won't hurt to have the Council do it too._

"Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold." The turian councilor stated, each syllable sounding a tiny bit forced. _I can agree with that. It's a burden. Oh hey, now you're responsible for the welfare of the galaxy, no pressure._

"You are the first human Spectre, Commander. This is a great accomplishment for you and your species." Tevos finished.

Shepard politely half bowed toward the trio. "Thank you, Councilors. It's an honour." She said, even if she wasn't the most thrilled. _It's important. If I have to be the one to do it, I'll do it_.

"We're sending you into the Traverse, after Saren. He's a fugitive from justice, so you are authorized to use any means necessary to apprehend or eliminate him." The salarian councilor noted, speaking more to the audience than her. "We will forward any relevant information on Saren to Ambassador Udina."

"This meeting of the Council is adjourned." The Asari councilor stated, before the trio shut down their terminals and walked off. Shepard turned around and was met with an excited group of Udina, Anderson, Williams and Alenko. _Even Udina's actually…smiling…huh…_

"Congratulations, Commander." Anderson said, offering his hand. Shepard gave him a standard handshake and turned to Udina.

"Good work dancing around the Reaper subject, Udina. I think you baited some of the councilors." Shepard noted with a grin.

"Hmm, yes. I thought it was worth the risk. Anyway, we've got a lot of work to do, Shepard. You're going to need a ship, a crew, supplies…it will be a nightmare finding those. You may have to remain on the Citadel for a while longer." Udina stated, drawing a disappointed frown from Shepard. _Welp…maybe I can take Tali with me…and Williams? Alenko…maybe. Maybe. He seems more like Anderson's guy, though. Same with Adams and Chakwas and there's no way Joker leaves the Normandy. This should be fun, flying around the galaxy in a tiny shuttle, probably._

"You'll get access to special equipment and training now. If you go down to the C-Sec Academy, go speak to the Spectre requisitions officer, he'll show you what's available." Anderson piped in.

"Anderson, come with me, I'll need your help to set this all up." Udina barked, practically dragging the Captain away toward the rapid transit. _Elevator it is, then…_ she thought, holding back a sigh.

Williams and Alenko fell in beside Shepard as she slowly made her way down toward the elevator.

"I thought Udina would be a little more grateful. He didn't even thank you…have I told you how much I hate politicians?" Ash said, looking perturbed at Udina and Anderson, who were busy getting into the skycar.

"Yeah, can't really expect much from him, but he did alright with the Council. Still though, he took rapid transit, so I'll hate him forever for making us take the elevator again. Come on." Shepard scoffed, annoyed about the long elevator ride that awaited them as they stepped inside.

"Aye aye, Spectre." Alenko said seriously, seemingly unaffected by the trip ahead. _I'll just let him go with that…I can't assume he knows where I stand on titles like that._ She thought as she pressed the button to send the vessel to the ground level. _He probably thought he was being respectful or something, so that's…a good thing, I guess._

 _Well, let's see what we can do to fill some time…_ she wondered, before an idea popped into her head. Or, more accurately, before her stomach grumbled audibly.

"Hey, anyone feel up for a late breakfast?" she asked, gaining two eager nods. _Food. Real food! Excellent!_

* * *

"So where are we going, exactly?" Shepard asked the two others who lead the way. They'd traveled past a number of restaurants already and the cumulative scents of food they passed were sending her stomach into rebellion.

"There's a place in the embassies. Kind of like a fancy pub…only restaurant in the embassies, but it's supposed to be pretty special. I hear they serve really good human food, and they have a good selection of beer." Alenko noted, weaving through the packed presidium.

"As long as you don't get hammered this early in the day, LT. Don't want you to get a hangover again." Williams joked, earning little more than a grimace from Alenko.

As the trio turned into the embassies, a man in a beige suit dashed in front of them, his focus on Shepard. "Excuse me, Commander Shepard? I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time." the man said, his voice strangely shaky, and his eyes betraying his nervousness. She signaled for Alenko and Williams to stop, and could almost smell food off in the distance, seductively urging her away from the stranger.

"I'm on the way to breakfast, but if this won't take long I don't see why not." She stated expectantly.

"My name is Samesh Bhatia. Forgive the intrusion, but I have nowhere else to turn." The man stated, his face displaying his worry clearly. "My wife was a marine. She…she was in the 212 on Eden Prime."

Williams stopped up beside Shepard and looked the man over. "Wait…the 212? Your wife was Serviceman Nirali Bhatia?" she asked, receiving a hasty nod from Samesh. "I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, I served in her unit."

Shepard watched Williams, sad that such pain was brought into an otherwise happy morning, but proud of her for keeping her composure the way she was.

"Chief Williams…it is a pleasure to meet you. Nirali spoke of you with great respect." Samesh stated, seeming to find some comfort in Williams' presence.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. Bhatia. Nirali was a good, proud woman. What can we do for you?" the young marine asked, her softer side beginning to show.

Samesh began to pace near them, keeping his focus mainly on Williams. "I've requested my wife's body be returned to me for cremation, but…the Alliance has refused my request. They refuse to tell me why they will not!"

Williams looked over to Shepard and back to Samesh. "Why would they refuse your request? They must have…some reason."

"They declared it impossible for her to be returned to me, that is all I know. The Alliance coordinator assigned to my case, Mr. Bosker, is over in a nearby restaurant. If you could just talk to him…please." He stated, lowering his head. "I just want to give my wife the proper funeral and respect she deserves."

Shepard looked over to Williams and nodded. _No way we turn this down. No reason to keep this guy's wife from him._

"Mr. Bhatia, we'll be glad to help. We'll do whatever we can." The young marine answered, before Alenko ushered them off toward the restaurant.

A minute into their trek and Shepard didn't need Alenko to guide her. She could smell the delicious food wafting through the area. _How can people work here when this place smells so good? This is ridiculous…_

A few minutes later, they found the restaurant, and even at this point of the day, it was packed. She set aside her mind's urges to find food immediately, and looked around for anyone in Alliance blues. Alenko pointed off toward a corner of the room, where a blonde alliance officer sat alone at a table.

The trio made their way quickly over to him, Shepard's resolve growing with each step.

"My goodness! You're…you're Commander Shepard!" the man said, scrambling backward in his seat. She found his response curious at first, then realized she was glaring at him. He paused briefly, slightly withering under her gaze. "You…uh…made for quite a briefing in the Diplomatic Corps…can I…help you?"

"I assume you're officer Bosker." She stated, coolly. He gave a nervous nod. "Then I hope you listen closely to what I say. The Alliance is holding the body of Nirali Bhatia hostage right now, and they need to release it."

"Commander, n…nothing would make me happier, but…it's not that simple." Bosker stammered, getting unimpressed looks from Shepard and Williams. "Her wounds aren't consistent with any type of damage we've seen before. So that's why the body is being held. Her body is extremely valuable to the Alliance, it might lead to better defenses against geth attacks. She may save more lives in death than she did in life."

Shepard cringed at his logic, recalling the similar mentality used to defend what she and her sister had gone through as children. She planted her hands on the table, leaning toward him aggressively. _I won't explode on him. I won't explode on him. I won't…_

"I understand what you're trying to do, but holding the body is wrong." She muttered through grit teeth.

"Commander, you of all people should understand how far we must go to protect humanity!" Bosker stated, surprised at her reaction.

Shepard, in turn, continued her steely glare. She felt the venom in her words as they poured out, but let it flow anyway. "Not if we lose our humanity in the process! What makes us better than human extremist groups like Cerberus if we decide to desecrate bodies like this? Geth weaponry was scattered all over Eden Prime. I can donate my armor from the mission, if you like, and with today's tech, you can run tests without relying on real people. We can't just lose our respect for people like Nirali Bhatia, we can't make these decisions without their consent! You can't just say that since she was an Alliance soldier, that you own her. It doesn't work that way, I'm out here fighting to stop crap like that!"

Bosker picked up his drink and stood, moving around the table, looking both afraid and disappointed at Shepard. "All right, I'm not going to risk an incident by refusing you. Tell Samesh her body will be released to him. I hope you're proud, Butcher." he spat, leaving the restaurant hastily.

Shepard's body coiled up, every muscle preparing for an onslaught of violence, but she kept herself in check, holding her gaze on him as he left the restaurant. Her body released the breath she didn't know she was holding as she sat down at the newly vacant table.

"I'm going to need some food before I can leave here. Fuck." She grumbled, flitting through the holo-menu on the table. Moments later she settled on a glass of chocolate milk, a small bowl of fresh raspberries, a side of bacon, and a huge plate of apple-cinnamon waffles with maple syrup. _This should cheer me up a bit. Haven't had waffles or raspberries in years…_ she thought, glancing up from her menu to the two wary looking soldiers sitting at the table with her.

"What?" she asked, confused at their expressions.

"You okay, ma'am?" Alenko asked hesitantly, Williams looking at her with concern.

"Fine. I've had to deal with worse than him before. Just pisses me off sometimes that people lose focus on what the Alliance is about. Especially when those people are high up on the chain and make calls like this." Shepard said, her tone flat. "I didn't sign up for that. There's always a line you don't cross…can't cross, without turning into something horrific."

"You mentioned…what was it, Cerberus? Never heard of them." Wlliams said, looking more confused than anything.

"Human extremist group. They tend to follow that 'sacrifice the few for the good of many' mentality. They're bad news." Shepard stated, not wanting to get into the topic in detail, preferring to leave that conversation for a time when she wasn't running on an empty stomach.

"I can understand why some would feel it justified though, Commander. I mean, we join the military to protect humanity as a whole. It's along the same lines." Alenko noted.

"Not the same. We choose to do that, Alenko. We can join or get out when we want. We have a say in the matter. People like Cerberus…like what the Alliance was doing here…they're not letting us choose. They make the decisions, because the people they sacrifice are statistics, means to an end. We stop being people to them, and with that, we stop being respected." Shepard said, her voice soft but firm in an attempt to get her point across.

"But she chose to serve with the Alliance." Alenko stated, again. She glanced over at Williams who was focusing intensely on both of them.

"Nirali was married to Samesh. When she passed, her family should have the right to determine what's best for her. They know her better. They should at least be given the option. If she'd signed the disclaimer saying she agreed to submit her body as a medical resource upon death, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Samesh expected her to be returned to him when she died. There's no way they didn't discuss that possibility sometime in their relationship." She said, her tone getting a little firmer as her stomach growled.

"She was held ransom, her family wasn't given any option. That's disrespecting the decisions she's made in her life, it disrespects her as a human being. To demand she continue her service by letting researchers maul her body apart…that's not a demand the Alliance should make, especially if she didn't sign a disclaimer. They should ask themselves if they'd tear their daughter's body apart, their wife's body, their husband's body, their best friend's body…chances are they wouldn't. So why let it happen to Nirali? I joined the Alliance to protect people, Alenko. If I'm protecting people, then I'm protecting both their humanity and mine. That's how I see it."

Kaidan merely nodded, deep in thought. Williams gave her a quick smile and turned to the holo menu to order for herself.

The meal was fantastic. The waffles had been arranged into something of a mountain on the plate, maple syrup pooling in each of the small pockets in the wondrous breakfast food. A circle of raspberries surrounded it like a moat, and thankfully, the generous portion of bacon was held separately. _Bacon doesn't need anything to taste good. And those waffles…_

She wasn't sure how long it took her to finish her meal, but it wasn't a lengthy period. Normally, she'd take her time and savour the flavours, knowing she wouldn't get a meal like this for weeks, if not months. Instead, she merely slowed her ravenous rate, and enjoyed the tastes while they lasted. As she finished her last piece of bacon, she once again found her dynamic duo staring at her, baffled.

"What is it now?" she asked, frustrated at their strange reactions.

"You finished that whole plate like it was nothing." Williams said, in awe. "There's not even a crumb left on the plate."

Shepard shrugged and wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Eh, waste not, want not." She said, holding back that she'd planned on getting another bowl of raspberries. _Oh well, maybe some other time._

Afterward, Shepard and Alenko sat back by the rapid transport as Williams gave Samesh the good news. It warmed her heart to know she'd done some good, and hoped that the two would understand why she did what she did. A beeping from her omni-tool signaled her to a new message, directing her to visit the Normandy as soon as possible.

* * *

Shepard stepped out of the elevator grumbling about how the rapid transit system doesn't go up to the docks. She slowed her step upon seeing Udina and Anderson standing around outside the bridge to the Normandy's airlock. As she approached, the two men turned to her and she knew something was up. _Udina looks annoyed, and…okay, maybe that's normal for Udina, but Anderson has a serious case of the frowns_.

Udina straightened his posture and placed his hands behind his back, placing his focus directly on her. "I've got big news for you, Shepard. Captain Anderson is stepping down as commanding officer of the Normandy. The ship is yours now."

Shepard's world slowed for a moment as her brain tried to wrap itself around what words had spewed out of Udina's mouth. _Anderson is what? But this was his pet project, and he handpicked the crew and…he's been overseeing this for probably at least a year, if not much longer, and…we didn't fail on Eden Prime, he vouched for me to be here, so…he shouldn't be kicked off the Normandy, I should, and I should get something else, I…don't get it._

Anderson merely nodded and crossed his arms, not masking his disappointment well. "She's quick and quiet, and you know the crew. Perfect ship for a Spectre. Treat her well, Commander."

She stood there with her mouth agape for a moment, in shock of what had unfurled. "What's going on? This is your ship, Anderson. It's your baby, this…this isn't right."

"You needed your own ship. A Spectre can't answer to anyone but the Council. They funded a lot of what went into this ship…and it's time for me to step down." Anderson noted, his voice a little firmer this time. Shepard still couldn't believe it.

"Come clean with me, Anderson. What the hell is happening here?" she asked, still baffled at the decision. _It just doesn't make sense. The Alliance, the Council, I'm sure they have ships I could use that aren't the Normandy._

"I was in your shoes a number of years ago, Shepard. They were considering me for the Spectres." Anderson stated.

Shepard gave him a sideways look, unsure what to make of Anderson's statement. "Why didn't you mention this before? What happened?"

"It's not something I'm proud of, Shepard. What do you want from me, to say that I had a chance at the Spectres and blew it?" he said, exasperated. "In short, I was set on a mission with Saren, he…made sure the Council rejected me. In the end, I didn't see what he was doing, and I failed. I had my shot, it came and went. Now you have a chance to make up for my mistakes."

"If he sabotaged your mission, I'd hardly call that blowing it, especially when he's supposed to be helping out. This guy seems like a galactic jerk. He's not getting away this time, but you shouldn't have to give up the Normandy." Shepard insisted.

"The Normandy's the only ship that can sneak up on Saren. It's the only ship with stealth capabilities, you'll need that to catch him. It was a no-brainer." Anderson said, Shepard feeling he was starting to make some sense. "Saren's gone, anyways. No use trying to find him now, but we know what he's after. He has his geth scouring the Traverse looking for clues."

"We have scattered reports of geth sightings from system to system, but we haven't been able to find any staging area for them, or any base they may have set up. We have our best communications specialists on the job, but until you find a lead, there's no use going anywhere." Udina stated, the lack of leads growing the pit in Shepard's stomach. _He's out there doing hell knows what, and we have no leads? Ugh. Great. Oh what's that? You're a Spectre and have the ability to go after Saren and have the responsibility to find him before he does something catastrophic? Oh hey, here's a big ol' mountain of fuck you. No leads. Christ._

"Well, I'll hang tight until then, I guess. Have you told the crew yet?" Shepard asked, wincing when Anderson shook his head. "Well, I guess I'll just have to let them know. That should go over well."

"Well, it's your decision to make, Commander. You're a Spectre now, you don't answer to us." Anderson noted.

"But when we do find a lead, remember this when you go out into the Traverse." Udina warned, brandishing a finger in her direction. "Your actions still reflect on humanity as a whole. You make a mess, and I get stuck cleaning it up."

"No pressure." Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "Alright, well, I'll promise to do my best when the time comes, Udina. I'll try to be a good girl for you, out there."

"Not exactly the answer I was looking for, but at least you will be making an effort. Remember, you were a human long before you were a Spectre." Udina ranted. "I have a meeting to get to, and Anderson needs to report this decision to the Admirals. We'll let you know when we dig up a lead, Shepard."

The two once again headed off into the sunset, or more accurately, the elevator. Shepard shook her head in disbelief, looked back at Williams and Alenko, and gestured toward the ship. They stood silently in the airlock and waited out the procedure. As the doors opened to the Normandy, Shepard hung left as the others headed toward the CIC.

Shepard slowly trudged to the cockpit and plopped down in the far co-pilot's seat. She sat there for a moment before joker turned his head to her, the orange glow of the ship's interface casting an awkward shadow on his face.

"I heard what happened to Captain Anderson. Survives a hundred battles, and then gets taken down by backroom politics." Joker noted, sounding disgusted. "Just watch your back, Shepard. Things go bad on this mission, you're next on the chopping block."

Shepard couldn't help but shake her head at her luck. _Most people would be thrilled about this but…it all feels so wrong._

"Captain Anderson should be the one in charge. I feel like I'm stealing the ship from him." She muttered, reclining against the seat, her body slipping down slightly.

She heard joker scoff at her remark beside her. "Yeah, the captain got screwed, but it's not like you could have stopped it. Nobody's blaming you." He noted. She felt a little better knowing someone out there thought it wasn't her fault, but she still felt that weight on her shoulders. "Everyone on this ship is behind you, Commander. One hundred percent."

She couldn't help but laugh at his last statement. She knew some of the crew had accepted her with open arms, but she was still sure that others were there who weren't as supportive. _I'm sure there's more like Jenkins, just terrified of me. I've seen their glances, how it just so happens that the mess slowly clears out when I arrive. No way a hundred percent of the people stay._

"Anyway, the intercom's ready. If you've got anything you want to say to the crew, now's the time. Or in an hour. Or two. We're docked until you want us to leave, Commander." Joker said playfully, resting back against his chair.

She nervously reached for the comm controls and opened a channel to the rest of the ship, trying to find the words she needed in her jumbled mess of a mind.

"This is Commander Shepard speaking." She noted, trying not to sound too formal, or too casual. "A few minutes ago, I succeeded Captain Anderson as the commanding officer of the Normandy. He put his heart and soul into this project, into all of you, and I promise if you allow me the privilege to work with you, I will do the same. I will not keep you here if you do not wish to be here, however. There will be no reprimanding from the Alliance if you leave your position. We will be docked for at least another day, so I can only hope you will provide me the opportunity to work with you." She started, taking a breath to collect herself before continuing.

"For those who remain, we have our orders…find Saren before he finds the Conduit. I won't lie to you, this mission won't be easy. This began with an attack on a human settlement in the Traverse, but we know Saren won't stop there. His geth armies aren't going to stay on the far fringes of Citadel space. But our enemy knows we're coming…when we go into the Traverse, Saren's followers will be waiting for us. What they won't expect is that we'll be ready for them too." She continued, feeling she was starting to ramble, and needed to finish off her little speech.

"We need to do this. Not just for humanity's sake, but for the sake of every other species in Citadel space. Saren must be stopped, and I promise you all, we will stop him!" she finished, closing the channel and taking a deep breath.

"Well said, Commander. Captain would be proud." Joker noted, smiling.

"Yeah, well, it's the least I can do. We've…had a rocky history but I would never ask him to retire from active duty just so I could do this. I can't waste the opportunity he gave me. I can't fail." She stated, pushing herself up and out of the chair, strolling behind the pilot's seat.

"Yes ma'am." Joker asserted, Shepard able to hear the grin on his face. She couldn't help but feel in a slightly better mood with some of the weight off her chest as she headed out toward the CIC. As she entered, the crew stood up and saluted; it was visible that some people had left their posts, but a majority had remained. She smiled and saluted them in return before heading toward the stairwell.

Once down on the crew deck, she made a beeline for the med-bay, ignoring the group of people packing up their belongings in the mess hall. She found her feet moving her to one of the beds on the far end of the room, near where Tali's was, and where Chakwas sat at her terminal. She slumped down onto it, feeling like it was all she was capable of at the moment.

"Not planning to have me stitch you up again, are you, Shepard?" Chakwas asked playfully, spinning around in her chair.

"Nah, just a bit overwhelmed, really. Been a crazy day so far." Shepard stated dully, stretching out flat against the bed.

"You did fine, Commander. You're not Anderson, but we're with you. We trust you." Chakwas said, hoping to reassure Shepard.

"Well, I mean, it's kind of hard for all this to sink in. Anderson forced into retirement because of this…and people leaving the ship in droves…feels like it's on me." Shepard noted disdainfully.

"I…am curious as to why people are packing up. They're leaving? Why would they leave the Normandy? It's a great honour to serve on a ship like this… even if I've only seen the med-bay so far." Tali asked, sounding a little clearer than the day before, with a leg splint and a new patch over her arm.

"I have a bit of a reputation. " Shepard said, earning some reprisal from the doctor.

"A reputation that people would see through if they actually talked to you. You're no cold blooded murderer, Commander." Chakwas stated firmly. "Anderson chose you for a reason. You'll help find this Saren. I know you will."

Shepard gave a strained laugh and rested her head on the pillow. "Well, we don't have any leads right now, so I guess I'll just have to survive on blind hope." Shepard said, rolling to face Tali. "And until we find one, we've got free time. I need new armor, you need a new enviro-suit. We should do that today."

"Uh…I…my suit is fine. Really, please don't…it's not worth the trouble…" Tali stammered anxiously.

"And may I remind you that you brought her in early this morning for her to be treated, Shepard? She is being treated." Chawkwas gave her a stony look, sending Shepard into apologetics.

"Oh hey, look, I'm not going to force Tali out of bed-rest…whenever she's healthy, that's good enough for me." Shepard said to Chakwas, before turning back to Tali. "But you can't convince me that you don't need a new suit. It's patchwork right now. Seriously, I really need new armor and supplies, and I figure if we're going to be there anyway, I may as well check to see if you can get a new enviro-suit…but I don't know what to look for, so I'd appreciate it if you came with me."

"I'm not sure…we usually make do with what we have on the flotilla…it would be wasteful…" Tali mumbled, her voice trailing off as she began wringing her hands.

"How about this? We get you another suit in case your current one fails somewhere along the line, or your current one could be your new backup one. We're going after Saren, so you might need an extra, and I want you to be safe." Shepard reasoned, before a juicy idea came to mind. "And if you do, I'll throw in a bonus."

Tali cocked her head suspiciously at Shepard. "What kind of bonus? I'm not sure I understand."

"With all the people leaving the ship, there are bound to be vacant positions here and there. I'll give you first pick in any section available. You want to work as a co-pilot to Joker, that's cool. Want to work on the engine in Engineering? Sounds good to me. Your call." Shepard explained, grinning at Tali's visibly growing excitement.

"I…you would let me work in engineering?" she asked, hope spilling out of each word.

"Well, I mean, Adams will have to make sure you have an idea of what you're doing, but absolutely. We'll need people to fill jobs, and any way you can help would be a huge favor. And if you'd come pick out another suit, that would also really help." Shepard finished, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have an extra on a dangerous mission, just in case…thank you, Shepard. You won't regret this." Tali gushed, her giddy anticipation having helped clear Shepard's head of the worries she faced. _And maybe I should get a hold of Heather…see if she'd like to get posted here…_

"It's the least I can do. You helped us get this far." Shepard noted thankfully at the young quarian. "So doc, when will she be up for a little walking?"

"At this rate, probably by early evening." Chakwas stated, shrugging her shoulders. "Though please don't hold me to that, I still have some tests to run."

"No worries, I'll make sure to give you some breathing room. I'm going to go get some fresh air, I'll catch up with you two later." Shep said, hopping off the bed and heading out the med-bay.

_Time to go see Wrex…_

* * *

Shepard decided she needed a game to play on her omni-tool, and made a note to pick one up when she visited the marketplace. _Elevators are too long for this crap._ She thought, stepping out into C-Sec's headquarters. She looked over to her left and noticed the C-Sec requisitions entrance, but decided against investigating it. _Probably hellishly expensive stuff. I'll check it out later, though._

As she moved toward the exit leading to the presidium, she heard a familiar voice call out behind her. Turning around, she was met with a tired looking Garrus Vakarian.

"Garrus! From the looks of you, I'd say that you were raked over the coals for last night." Shepard noted, wincing at how exhausted he looked.

"Well, it could have gone a lot better. Apparently working with a known criminal gets you in hot water even if you end up taking down a wanted criminal and expose a corrupt Spectre in the process." Garrus said, his voice strained. "Was just on my way to offer congratulations. How's it feel to be the first human Spectre?"

"I can't really explain… a lot of change has happened in the past few hours. It's been really wild. I just feel bad that you've taken some heat from all this." She said, patting him on the shoulder.

"I…was actually wondering if I could ask a big favour of you. You don't have to say yes, but I'd like you to…" Garrus began before Shepard cut him off.

"You helped kick Saren out of the Spectres for me. Tell me what you want and I'll do my best." Shepard stated confidently.

"Let me join you." Garrus spilled out, raising Shepard's eyebrows. "I want to bring justice to Saren, for dishonouring turians everywhere, for being a disgrace to Palaven. I can't do that stuck here on the Citadel, and I'm probably going to be put on some kind of forced vacation anyway. I know it's a lot to ask, but…I know I can help you out."

The gears in Shepard's mind spun for a few moments before she nodded in agreement. "Okay. Yeah. Tell me, what can you do on a ship? We've got something of a skeleton crew, so I'd need to know what you're skilled at first."

"When I was in the military, I worked as a mechanic, calibrating vehicles and weapons. And I have experience in using firearms, obviously, and know standard military tactics…or, at least, turian military tactics." Garrus explained. Shepard couldn't help but like what she heard. _We apparently didn't have many people working in the battery or on the Mako. Maybe he could work those positions?_

"Sounds good. I kind of run the ship now, so luckily for you, I actually get to make these decisions. That said, I always hold the power to send you home if you're not working out. But you've seemed capable so far. I'll take the risk." She noted, hoping she wasn't making a mistake.

"Thank you, Shepard." He said, looking relieved.

"Well, don't thank me yet. We'll be heading into the Traverse soon, and we're only docked until tomorrow. You've got less than a day to pack up. A foot locker's worth, so not much. " Shepard stated, laughing at the panicked look on Garrus' face. She opened up her omni-tool. "Here's the contact info for my Omni, in case either one of us needs to get a hold of the other."

"Good idea, Shepard. I should…go get ready then." He stammered out, before turning and running off to the nearest rapid transit terminal. She would have grimaced at the notion of having to take another elevator had another skycar not arrived almost directly after Garrus' left. Cheering her luck, she hopped into the cab and left for Flux.

The skycar dropped her off at the bottom of a long entrance way and stairwell leading to the club. The music was overwhelmingly loud from that range, leaving her to dread what the levels would be like in the club itself. Her body was feeling a lot better than it was hours earlier, thanks to Chakwas' magic from earlier in the morning, and she didn't mind the long climb up to the main floor. _Probably keeps drunks from getting into the club…smart…_

As she entered Flux, she quickly spotted Wrex. Despite the horde of patrons on either level of the club, there was only one massive krogan in the pack; the blood red juggernaut sat over at the bar, being tended to by a small volus bartender. She quickly made her way through the crowd and sat beside him.

"And what may I get you, miss?" the volus asked, the sound of his breathing apparatus injecting itself between every few syllables.

"Anything non-alcoholic would be great." She replied, knowing Wrex was giving her a dirty look for her answer.

"We have an imported juice from Sanves that the asari find pleasant. Would that do?" the bartender asked. Shepard shrugged and nodded, prompting the Volus to leave into one of the back rooms.

"I hear you're a Spectre now, Shepard. Pray that you can live up to the title." Wrex grumbled, one hand clutching a tall, rancid looking bottle half filled with a yellowish-orange liquid.

"Well, I'll certainly take down Saren. Outside of that, I'm sure I'll prove my worth." Shepard said, figuring she needed to play herself up around Wrex in order to gain a sense of bravado, or some version of krogan respect. "Anyway, have you gotten a hold of the Broker?"

"Through one of his agents. The Shadow Broker was pleased with the outcome. A rival of his loses resources and influence, and Fist goes to jail." Wrex noted grumpily. Shepard wondered if he was ever in a good mood outside of when he was killing.

"The Shadow Broker's happy Fist's alive?" Shepard asked, skeptical.

Wrex chuckled at the statement. "In a way. The pyjak's powerless now, exposed, and when he gets out of prison, he'll go to the terminus where the broker can…play…with him. Make an example of him. He was satisfied." Wrex said, sounding a little amused. "But that doesn't mean our deal is squared. I got paid by the broker, but you still owe me, Shepard."

"When the volus gets back, I'll grab you a bottle of Ryncol." Shepard stated calmly, remembering their deal. "And you know, Wrex…you weren't half bad last night in Chora's Den."

Wrex grunted and downed the rest of his bottle. "I was better than 'half-bad', whelp. I've been killing for close to a millennium."

"True, true. You were definitely able to keep up." She said, noticing that she was getting a rise out of the huge krogan. "Look, how about we talk business for a bit?"

Wrex grumbled something to himself as the Volus arrived with a tall, oddly shaped glass filled with a rather violet liquid. She paid him with her omni-tool and thanked him as Wrex mulled over something.

Eventually Wrex snorted and turned to face Shepard. "What exactly are you asking for, Shepard? I'm a hired gun, but you can't afford me. "

"I get it. The Shadow Broker pays you well. Yet, I'm about to head off to find Saren. Along the way, I'm sure I'll come across some pretty interesting stuff, a lot of potentially valuable information that could help make the Broker more powerful, or wealthier." Shepard said off-handedly. "Maybe since Saren had the jump on the Shadow Broker earlier, perhaps he could use such information to see if any of his informants other than Fist have turned on him."

"You want to speak with the Shadow Broker, then. I'm just a hired gun. Go see Barla Von." Wrex grumbled, signaling the volus for another bottle. "This one's on her." The volus nodded and Shepard approved the transfer of funds, nearly gasping at the cost of it.

"No, I don't want to talk to the Broker. I'm merely offering some of what I come across for your services, and potentially some aid down the road if we wind up with no leads. You like battles, and I can give you as much as you could probably want." Shepard said confidently. "Besides, the broker can't buy or blackmail the geth away from Saren, and he definitely can't do that to the strange zombie-like creations the geth turn people into. I'm taking down his competitor. I'm requesting that the broker help this not be a one-sided affair, because otherwise, anything I find, he'll have to pay dearly for. This way, I just give him info. Seems fair to me." She finished, taking a sip of the purple drink, enjoying its smooth, somewhat thick texture as it coated her mouth. She knew that Wrex was a gamble to try and bring onboard with his likely very coloured history, but with the amount of people leaving the Normandy as there were, she'd need a handful of new recruits to fill out a second fire-team. _And adding a krogan biotic could really give us one hell of a battering ram. Worth the risk, as far as I'm concerned. Especially knowing he's not entirely unleashed._

It was slightly sour, tasting like a strange mixture of cherries and lemon, her body warming and tingling slightly as it made its way down her throat. _Wow, this…this is kind of…what's with asari and…ugh, this is almost annoyingly delicious._

"So you're saying I have to go to Barla Von to tell him this." Wrex said, audibly annoyed at Shepard's request. He grunted and nodded. "Fine. I'll see to it, but you had better give me plenty of those geth to kill."

Shepard nodded as Wrex got off his massive stool. "Just try and be fairly quick, as I might be leaving as early as tomorrow sometime." She stated, Wrex growling at her words as he tromped over to the exit.

She sat there and sipped away at her drink, wasting time until she'd be able to go shopping for much needed supplies. She wasn't sure how her drink wasn't alcoholic by the time she'd gotten down to the final third of it; her body felt incredibly warm and her skin felt like it was covered in pins and needles, though it was a more pleasant sensation than the one she usually experienced with her biotics. She took another sip as her omni-tool went off, her hand quickly reaching to open her new message.

 _From the consort? Huh…she's sending an acolyte over here to bring me to…whoever tipped me off about Tali._ Shepard mulled over the possibilities of who it could be, unsure whether she wanted to know. She picked up the rest of her drink and downed it, not letting any of it go to waste.

_And I have to be alone…Well, this should be an adventure…_


	8. A Tender History In Rust

The skycar piloted Shepard through the packs of traffic, weaving through the lanes, constantly ascending upward toward the highest levels of the presidium. The consort's acolyte had put in the coordinates to the destination and had left Shepard to travel unaccompanied to wherever the anonymous samaritan was waiting. _At least I'm not visiting the consort herself…feeling like this, meeting the consort…I don't think that would work out well…_ She'd been pleased about the solitude, but was feeling slightly strange, and couldn't wait to find out who the informant was. _I owe this person a lot…and I guess I'm on my way to paying them a favour._ She thought, feeling relieved as the skycar began to level out, headed for a remote spire far above the ground level. _This must be at least a third the height of the tower…whoever's here is probably rich as hell._

She stepped out of the skycar, gingerly making her way toward the door, noticing the glass windows revealed a brightly lit suite. Her body wasn't unsteady, but just felt overly sensitive, and her mind was slightly hazy. _Not feeling a buzz from this, though…just…I feel good. Really good. What the hell is that juice made from?_

She pressed the buzzer for the door and waited patiently, hoping that it wasn't some trap by the Shadow Broker, or that it was an elcor. _I don't think I could take meeting an elcor right now, not like this. I'm feeling…_

The door opened abruptly, interrupting her mid-thought as a somewhat clothed asari politely invited her in. _She's wearing pretty much the same style of clothes as Sha'ira…is it some asari fashion trend or something? Not…not that I'm complaining or anything, but…wow…_

She followed her through the home, assuming this asari was a servant of some sort. She fought internally, though her eyes couldn't help but drop down to the asari's hips as her guide sashayed through rooms and hallways, and up a set of ornate stairs. Only when she halted gently by a doorframe did her eyes raise back to the asari's head, quick enough to catch the asari gesture her inside with a smile.

Shepard blushed and thanked her before stepping into a room overlooking the presidium. The windows were wall to wall, the floors oddly marbled and polished to perfection, the furniture fluid and wooden. Shepard's eyes stopped their appraisal of the room as they happened upon the asari on the far side of the room, sitting what could best be described as regally on a slightly more ornate couch. A pot of what looked to be tea rested on the table in front of her alongside two small cups and saucers.

Shepard warily approached the asari, wondering why she had been as helpful as she had been, noticing her informant looking up at her with a soft smile.

"Councilor…Tevos?" Shepard asked, unsure if she was in a dream or not. _I'd know those facial markings anywhere…Christ…_

"Commander Shepard. Did Falyria receive you well?" Tevos asked, but Shepard could barely process it. _Why is she here? She's part of the Council…that…what…_ she thought, her mind scattered by her drink and her current circumstances.

"Oh, uh…yes. She was very…kind." Shepard stammered out, trying her best to keep eye contact.

Tevos' smile grew slightly. "It pleases me to hear. Please, have a seat, Commander." She requested, patting the space beside her. Shepard sat hastily at the edge of the couch, biting her lip nervously as her body felt like it was about to catch fire.

 _Is it just that drink I had or…Christ…if I feel this way around every asari, I'm totally fucked. Not literally, just…ugh…I am so bad at this. I AM SO BAD AT THIS. Get OUT of the gutter, mind. Please!_ She thought, her mind racing over her predicament, flitting in and out of rather inappropriate thoughts. _Do I have a…I mean, I saw them in videos before, and that didn't affect me, but in person…Christ, do I have a fetish or something? It just doesn't make sense, why am I feeling this way?_

Her thoughts were interrupted by a light, airy laugh beside her. Tevos was looking at her with amusement, her fingers brought close to her mouth as if to catch her laughter. _Her fingers and…freaking Christ, look away from her mouth, Shepard. Just…look away…_

"Sha'ira made me aware of your… bashfulness, but I could hardly imagine this." Tevos said, biting back her laughter, calming herself down. "Truly, Commander, am I so fearful that you must position yourself as far from me as possible?"

Shepard regretfully looked over at Tevos, her breath catching as she realized the asari's robe , while covering her whole body and draping gracefully off her pristine form, was rather sheer in a prominent area or two. _No, no, I'm just scared of myself right now. What the Christ has gotten into me?_ She thought, turning her head off toward a painting on the opposite side of the room.

"Not fearful, no. I'm sorry, I just…I'm a little surprised." She stated, knowing her words had an entirely different meaning to her than to Tevos. She made the effort to slide toward the councilor slightly, so that she at least had part of the table in front of her.

"I am sorry if I cause you discomfort, Commander. I know it must have been a shock to learn it was I who provided for you." The asari spoke. Shepard tried not to let Tevos' soothing voice diminish her self-awareness. _It's unfair how relaxing her voice is…_

"I honestly had no idea. I'm incredibly grateful for your help, if there's anything I can do for you in return, name it." Shepard blurted out, trying to focus on the reason she was here rather than the person beside her. _Goddamnit, it's like I'm cursed by the colour blue!_

Tevos reached forward and gingerly lifted the odd-looking teapot and poured herself some tea, before looking expectantly at her. Shepard bit back her fear and nodded, thanking Tevos, not wanting to disrespect the councilor any further. The asari handed her a cup and saucer, slowly filling it to an ornate line on the inside of the cup. Shepard took in its scent and found it smelled somewhat spicy.

"I admit I was surprised by your actions in the council chambers. Nihlus was one of the more…active recruits I brought into the Spectres, so when he brought you into candidacy, my interest was piqued." Tevos noted, taking a sip of her tea. "Your military profile led me to believe you were mentally unstable and a psychopath. Yet there you were, appearing balanced and capable, displaying spontaneous emotion, and seeming honest in your words. I must assume there was some clerical error. Your diplomacy was surprising and impressive, considering your career."

 _Not surprised that someone was throwing me under the bus. Still…kinda leaves a bad taste in my mouth…_ Shepard thought, as she took a sip of the tea and found the taste a little too spicy and sweet for her to drink regularly. "I was just trying to be level-headed out there, hoping we could push toward making sure another Eden Prime didn't happen. But…thank you for the compliments."

Tevos took a long sip of her tea and set it back on her saucer. "Today, when you presented the evidence that exposed Saren, I found myself in a predicament. Not one wholly unforeseen, but one I had prayed to Athame to be false." Tevos stated, taking a pause, and looking a sliver less stoic than usual. "The second voice from the recording is that of Matriarch Benezia."

Shepard looked over to Tevos, not familiar with the terminology. "Matriarch…Benezia? I have no idea who that is. My apologies."

"Matriarchs are powerful asari who have entered the final stage of their lives. Revered for their wisdom and experience, they serve as guides to my people." Tevos explained, her eyes focused on her teapot. "Matriarch Benezia is a powerful leader in asari society, she has many followers, and has the social resources bestowed upon those of the major families of Thessia. She is also a powerful biotic in addition to her social and political prowess. She will make a formidable ally for Saren, I'm afraid."

Shepard lowered her head, the reality of yet another huge obstacle in her path beginning to sink in. "Oh. Well, what can we do about her?"

"With the Matriarch being involved with Saren…I have a feeling that it also means she is involved with prothean technology. It may simply be my instincts, but I feel that the beacon was a pivotal reason why Eden Prime was attacked, and with that beacon being the centerpiece, I fear the Matriarch's daughter may be in danger." Tevos stated, her words less calm as she laid out the fruits of her intuition.

"Well, you're right that protheans have everything to do with this. If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that. But why would the Matriarch's daughter be in danger and…well, why should I care?" Shepard asked, hoping she wasn't being too blunt.

"I am related to the Matriarch's family. A somewhat distant tie to her, but we are very close to each other, and I have watched her daughter grow into a young, adventurous maiden across the years." Tevos stated, passing her gaze back to Shepard. "And Doctor Liara T'Soni is an expert in prothean archaeology."

"Well, if the Matriarch has been working with Saren, wouldn't her daughter probably be in league with her? Or already out of our reach?" Shepard asked, curious as to where Tevos was going with this.

"It is uncharacteristic for the Matriarch to ally her efforts with Saren. He has always been a destructive, xenophobic force, whereas the Matriarch has been advising the galaxy on the merits of galactic unity for centuries. I fear she may be coerced into this working relationship somehow, even though the thought of such an act staggers my mind." Tevos reasoned, pausing to take a steadying breath. "There is the possibility that she has hid Liara from his grasp, and that she is still out in the galaxy somewhere, unharmed by Saren. Yet, with this recent event, I can only imagine that Saren will set out feelers to find her, which would only strengthen his control over the Matriarch. I know her well… she would do anything for Liara."

Shepard nodded, understanding the urgency of Tevos' request. "So you need me to find her as soon as possible."

"Doing so would potentially create a means to contact the Matriarch, and bring her back into the light. I could not bear a future without her as a guiding force for the asari, for myself, for her daughter." Tevos said softly, placing her hand gently on Shepard's knee. "If we were to regain the support of the Matriarch, I assure you, you will forever have my personal support in any endeavour. There is no price that could ever be placed on recovering her."

Shepard blushed from the contact, her eyes being drawn down to her leg, and the hand resting upon it. _Why do they always have to touch me? Is it just a cultural thing, or…I feel like I'm burning up. Christ, this jacket is too warm…_

"Uh...I…Where can I find the Matriarch's daughter? Do you have any leads?" Shepard asked, trying to be straight to the point, hoping her body wouldn't rebel against her.

"She does not often report her location until she's left her current project, it is a way to prevent mercenary groups from stealing her findings, and any potential relics. She did, however, send me an encrypted message a month ago from somewhere in Artemis Tau. Which planet in the cluster she was communicating from, I am unsure. I have had the data feed analyzed, which confirms the signal came from Knossos, which is a small system with gas giants, desolate worlds, and grave worlds. Chances are she is either on Armeni, investigating ruins that aren't those of the extinct zeiophs, or she is on Therum, where many human organizations have recently set up mining facilities." Tevos claimed, removing her hand from Shepard and placing it in her own lap. Shepard stifled a sigh as her focus instinctively moved to Tevos' face. "Though if I am aware of this, the Matriarch must be aware, and likely Saren as well. This places her daughter in grave danger."

"I promise we'll set out early tomorrow to find her. Right now, that's the best I can do, having promised my crew a chance to leave and having set aside time to gather much needed supplies." Shepard noted apologetically. "If we manage to help this…Liara…what would you like me to do with her?"

"Liara is dear to me, she would be welcomed here as she has been in the past. Her safety is of paramount importance at the moment. I cannot stress this enough, Commander." Tevos said, her voice quiet, but steady; the worry and sadness that had become more visible on Tevos' face pulled at Shepard's heartstrings. Failure was no longer an option for her. _I won't let this family be torn apart like this…not by Saren…not by anyone…_

Shepard took another sip of her tea, finishing the cup, and placed it back on the saucer. _So if we leave tomorrow…Knossos in Artemis Tau is what…a few days' trip? Do-able. I'll see if Joker and engineering can't strangle some juice out of the Normandy so we can get there earlier…who should I take groundside? If we're dealing with potential geth, I'll want Tali, and Ash is really great at keeping me safe and out of harm's way…Kaidan could work too, supplementing my biotics with his, and he's first aid trained, so if Doctor T'Soni's injured... Decisions…_

She broke out of her thoughts and saw Tevos looking at her expectantly. Shepard nervously laid her hand beside her, an offer of comfort if Tevos wanted it. The councilor gently rested her hand on Shepard's who gave her a light squeeze. _I know what it's like to worry about missing family...if I can provide some relief...Okay, maybe I can get a little relief out of this too, satisfy my body a little bit...and maybe I can handle that? Maybe...nothing's wrong with hands touching. It's a nice gesture, not real sexual, or...well, it doesn't NEED to be, and it's nice. It's nice._

"I don't promise people things often Councilor, because when I do, I know I cannot and will not fail. It's a dangerous commitment to make." Shepard said, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I promise we will find Liara and get her back. I won't allow your family to be shattered by Saren. Thank you for the honour of trusting me with this."

Tevos gave a weak smile and nodded. "You never cease to surprise me, Commander." Tevos stated warmly, appearing deep in thought for a few moments. "You mentioned earlier that I was right about the protheans being central to my issue. Would you be so kind as to inform me why you feel that way?"

Shepard bit her lip and tried fruitlessly to force the immediate flashbacks of the vision out of her mind. _Just focus, Shepard…focus…should I tell her? She…is my boss now, I guess…maybe it wouldn't hurt, but maybe I shouldn't…aw hell…_ "On Eden Prime, I accessed the prothean beacon accidentally. It…burnt a message into my mind, but it didn't make much sense until earlier today. Well, it still doesn't make almost any sense, but some parts are clearer than others." Shepard started, Tevos listening intently. "I thought it would be foolish to bring it up in front of the Council, you three need actual evidence, and my hearsay doesn't count for much. So I left that part out in the first meeting."

"And the second meeting?" Tevos asked, prompting Shepard to continue. She paused, knowing how foolish she would sound, but figured she'd started already, and that she may as well finish it.

"I've been bombarded with visions of these massive synthetics…like, truly massive, the size of ships, of buildings…just exterminating life. It was really, really horrible, and I don't think I've ever experienced that kind of blind fear before. People don't really know why the protheans vanished, but… I think I see how every time I close my eyes. If Saren's trying to bring these Reapers back, and Liara's a researcher on prothean artifacts and language and civilization…maybe the key to everything is in that history somewhere. I can't prove it, but it's a gut feeling." She finished, taking a deep breath, relieved to get it off her chest. She looked back to the painting, worried Tevos would criticize her or call her foolish. "Now it's your turn to call me crazy, I guess." She finished, grinning nervously.

There was a pause before Shepard felt the councilor's hand lightly grip hers. "Often we fortify our existences in absolutes and hard facts, becoming blind to personal experiences within ourselves and others. I would not deem you 'crazy' over your interpretation of the vision which was forced upon you. It is remarkably fitting for the current scenario with Saren, if troubling. If this is what you believe, then I shall support you. If it is what will motivate you to ensure Liara's safety, then I shall support you. I may be your employer, but you will always find a willing ear and open heart with me Commander."

Shepard stood up, absorbing Tevos' words as she got to her feet, turning to face the asari. "Thank you for the kind words, Councilor. I'll set preparations in motion right away. How can I get a hold of you if I have news?"

"It would be best for you to contact Sha'ira, who will alert me. My schedule can be rather busy in these troubled times." Tevos explained.

Shepard shrugged, and felt a brief burst of anxiety over the notion of meeting with the consort again. "The consort it is then." She said, trying not to sound nervous over the prospect. "Councilor, I promise…we'll get her back, and with luck, we'll get them both back where they belong."

"May the Goddess guide you, Commander Shepard." Tevos replied serenely. Shepard turned and made her way through the suite, feeling more sober and clear-headed than she had in a long time.

 _This is big._ She thought, looking up at the sky. _Early evening…gotta get shopping done, and we'll leave at 0500 tomorrow. Hopefully we'll get there in time…_

* * *

"…And that's our new lead. Not a heck of a lot to go on, and it's a bit of a stretch, but maybe this Doctor T'Soni can help make sense of this, or help us get a hold of the Matriarch." Shepard explained to Tali, who seemed to be all ears; though Shepard couldn't quite recall if quarians had ears, truthfully.

"But we don't really know what planet she's on…right?" Tali asked, sounding a little concerned over the holes in the intel they were given. "I mean, taking the time to scan the wrong planet could mean we miss out on finding her."

Shepard nodded in agreement, knowing full well that it was a huge risk, and didn't honestly know how to bypass it. _Two planets far apart from each other, both large and likely both populated. It'd take a long time to find her on any of those planets, let alone two…like a needle in a haystack._

"Yeah, I don't really know what to do about that. On one hand, one planet is filled with ruins. That, to me, seems like the logical and safe starting point." Shepard noted, as the two walked down the upper levels of the Kithoi Ward toward the markets. "On the other hand, Therum's been basically untouched until recently, and that could mean the mining companies have found new ruins to scope out. But what are the odds of there being unknown prothean ruins? Both planets seem like good ideas. I just can't decide which to check out first."

She and the quarian walked casually onward, enjoying the ambiance of the night-time crowds and shops. Shepard made a note to check out the Taralos Amphitheater when she stopped by next, if she was able _. A live concert would be pretty decent. Would be fun to hear music from other species as well…_ she thought, glancing over to Tali to ask what music her people enjoyed, only to see the younger girl nervously wringing her hands.

"Something on your mind, Tali?" Shepard asked, curious as to why Tali was acting that way.

"I…oh, it's nothing, Shepard." Tali said, sounding a little distant. "I was…just wondering if Lieutenant Alenko will find enough dextro-based food. Yes."

Shepard smirked, unconvinced but willing to go along with the new topic. "Yeah, I made sure to mention to him that he needed at least a month's worth of food, preferably two. The Normandy's a small ship, but I think it's definitely doable, and I won't have anyone starving on my ship."

"Well, quarians usually need sterilized food, not just regular dextro-based food. We can sterilize it ourselves, but it usually requires equipment that I doubt many places outside of the flotilla have." Tali stated, sounding a little worried. Shepard pulled out her omni and typed away a quick message to Alenko.

"Well, I'll make sure he's aware. I certainly wasn't." Shepard said, feeling more than a little embarrassed that she missed a key detail like that in the first place. "So if there's anything you need, or that makes life easier for you, just let me know. You're part of the crew now, so you're my responsibility, but I…don't know much about quarians."

Tali gave a chuckle, sounding funny through her vocalizer. "Well, I can't exactly ask for a clean room, but the food is important. Dextro medicine would be nice, but Chakwas told me she has a lot of it, and…I should be fine, Shepard. Thank you."

She thought about what a clean room would entail for a few moments before deciding it was something for the extranet to tell her later on. Shepard pointed off toward a nearby store that seemed to advertise itself as a veritable armory, prompting the two to slowly gravitate toward it and its many kiosks. Shepard guided Tali over to one specializing in weapons.

"So Tali, how much combat training did you get on the flotilla before setting out?" Shepard asked, flitting through the menus and finding the listing for shotgun distributors. "Like, what's your comfort level with weapons, have you worked with tactics before, all that fun stuff."

"I…well, I have been working on a VI recently. I started it before my pilgrimage, but… it's a combat drone. It's almost finished, I just need to work out some bugs and inefficiencies. I have some training in combat minifacturing suites, but my omni-tool doesn't support most of them." Tali noted, peeking over Shepard's shoulder at the weapon listings.

"Any training with guns?" Shepard asked, searching through a list of shotguns, checking over their specs.

"I…know how to use a pistol." Tali said sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck, rustling her head scarf slightly.

Shepard spun around with an excited grin on her face. "So you're telling me you've never used a shotgun before?" She asked gleefully.

Tali quirked her head to the side slightly. "N…no. I…there's apparently a lot of recoil."

"Bah!" Shepard yelled, her fist impacting against her palm in excitement. "I'm not going to let a little recoil get in the way of a perfect collaboration!"

"A…what?" Tali asked, more confused than she'd been all day.

"You say you have a drone, and omni-tool experience, meaning you keep distance. Smart, considering how reliant you are on your suit. But with that kind of ranged game, you can wind up getting caught off guard, and a pistol's not going to help you out much." Shepard explained happily. "Nothing's wrong with sticking back and helping out, but I need to know that if anyone closes the distance on you, you're able to fend them off. That's where shotguns come in."

"But…I guess so. I'm not sure" Tali said, sounding entirely unconvinced. "I am barely capable with a pistol. I'm not sure I could handle a shotgun."

Shepard shrugged and turned fully to Tali. "Well, chances are I'll be helping run some training and tactics stuff for the remaining ground team, so why don't I pencil you in for a few lessons? I promise to pack your shotgun with recoil dampers to help out. You'll barely feel it. I need to get more people eligible for groundside duty anyway, and with your geth expertise, it'd be good to have someone like you around in case of emergencies."

Tali gave out a sigh, shaking her head. "Alright, Shepard. You win. I just worry that you'll waste valuable resources on me."

Shepard tapped away on her omni-tool tabulating her list of items to purchase. _Shotgun…preferably a Firestorm…efficient, lots of shots, good stopping power…and let's get two recoil dampers too._

"Tali, at the end of the day, if I'm able to get everyone back into the ship alive and healthy, it's money well spent." She stated, gesturing over to another kiosk. "I'm going to check out some armor, so feel free to look at some suits. Let me know what you find." She finished before heading off to eagerly look through the listings there.

She knew she needed a few sets of armor with moderate protection, at least one set for humans that was built like a tank, and a few lighter shelled ones just in case. _And if Wrex is coming, perhaps a big heavy krogan set. And a light turian set too…or maybe a more moderately armored one, if he's still going to be in the mix…yeah._ She thought, her focus disrupted as a distant argument played out somewhere else in the marketplace. _Don't know why people get so angry in places like this. Get in, get your stuff, get out. No biggie._

She eventually finished tabulating a solid list of helmets and armor, and found herself completely unaware of her quarian crew mate's location. _She's not at any of the shop's kiosks…maybe she's waiting outside? Was there nothing at all?_

She waved at the store owner and made her way out of the shop, scanning the crowds for a sign of Tali. After a few minutes of searching, feeling more worried as time passed that Saren's mercs had slipped past her, she spotted the young quarian leaning against a railing, looking out at the other wards and the traffic. She slowly edged toward her as relief flooded her body.

"Hey, are you alright?" Shepard asked, sensing from her body language that Tali was a little upset. "Is everything fine?"

Tali jolted out of her reverie and stumbled back against the railing, clutching onto it instinctively. "Oh! Uh…hrm…I didn't, uh, find anything. I'm fine." She stammered out nervously, her head pivoting around seemingly in an attempt to find a hole to hide in.

"Tali, it's alright." Shepard said softly, hoping to calm the girl. "Look, if you didn't see anything you liked, we can check another store."

"It's fine Shepard. You seemed to find a lot of supplies there, so you should probably purchase from them. I'll just…have to get a suit another time." Tali said, staring at her feet.

"Well…we'll see about that, but can you at least follow me back to the store? I don't really like the idea of keeping you out here alone. Not with Saren still around." Shepard reasoned, drawing a delayed and begrudged nod from Tali. As the two plodded back to the shop, Shepard noticed how Tali seemed to be getting more anxious, her posture shrinking her slightly. _Something's seriously up…_

Instead of heading to the main kiosk, Shepard made a beeline for the non-human protection kiosk and found a small selection of quarian suits available.

"Shepard, what are you doing?" Tali asked, her voice strained. "I…I didn't like any of those."

She listened to her new crew mate's voice and heard more panic there than disdain, and opened up the most recently accessed entry, an 'Onyx' model.

"This looks a lot like your current one, just a little newer." Shepard stated. "What are the differences? I mean, you probably modified your suit to do a bunch of different things, but aside from that?"

"It…it's not important, Shepard, please, just pay for…" Tali started, her voice dying on her as she spotted the store owner barreling toward the two.

"What did I tell you? Get the hell out of here, you suit-rat! Stop pestering the customers!" the owner seethed, giving Tali a look of disgust. "If you don't leave, I'll call C-sec!"

Shepard watched Tali slink away from the catalogue and couldn't help but feel shocked at what she'd heard. She could hear the owner saying some words to her, but she couldn't expend the mental resources to pay attention. _That's why she left the store, that's why she didn't want to go back…augh, I should have paid attention!_

"Over ninety-five thousand credits." She said through grit teeth, turning to face the owner. "I was planning on spending at least that on your store. But I'd have to be sick to do that after how you treated her. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself."

The owner reeled back, looking at her confusedly. "Excuse me?"

"Here I am, outfitting a full squadron of troops for a big damn mission, and my quarian engineer takes the initiative to look for a new enviro-suit. You scare her away as if she's some kind of plague beast, but the only filth in this store is you." Shepard spat out, turning toward the exit. "I suggest you be nicer to the quarians who visit your shop. Making enemies of Spectres isn't exactly a good idea." She finished, feeling a little guilty for using her title as a threat, but she wanted the owner to sweat a little.

Shepard fumed as she left the shop's confines, quickly finding a dejected looking Tali slumped against the wall. She knelt down beside the quarian and slung her arm around the girl's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Tali. I should have just listened to you." Shepard apologized, her mind flashing back to the insults and slurs she'd experienced as a child. "It was wrong of that shop-keep to do what she did. You're just as worthy as anyone else, and no one can change that. People use those words to try and tear us down, but we aren't suit rats, or street rats. You're a proud quarian, out here doing your damn best to help. Your pilgrimage just started and you've already helped expose a rogue Spectre, you've survived assassination attempts, and joined the crew of the most advanced ship in the galaxy. That's not bad at all."

Tali let out something that was either a sniffle or a light cough, Shepard couldn't tell from the distortion. "I was taught that…that people would be cruel, but I didn't expect it to be like this. I don't understand…" Tali said quietly, slowly shaking her head. "And…what's a street rat?"

"Insult people called me when I was homeless. To think these shopkeeps, especially the humans, would shit their pants if they knew the first human Spectre was a homeless kid. People treat me like gold when they don't know that about me, and if they hadn't been aware of that idiotic stigma surrounding your people, you'd be treated well too. Goes to show their opinions aren't worth listening to. They're just losing the chance to learn about you and your people, and they're losing out on that by reducing you to some title bullshit." Shepard's voice was calm as she tried to let go of her anger.

"I knew that quarians…we don't win many friends by salvaging like we do, but we do it out of necessity. And our people have ships that are centuries old that are still operating efficiently because of our expertise. We're a good people. We made a single mistake and we've paid for it dearly. I just want to make it right, make people understand that we're not…that." Tali ranted quietly. Shepard took her arm back from Tali's shoulder and got to her feet

"Well, let's get started, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." She said with a smile, offering her hand. Tali looked up at her and took it, practically hopping to her feet. "Can we still get you a suit?"

The quarian paused, then slowly led Shepard by the hand toward a nearby turian merchant. She looked down at Tali's hand, finding the grip interesting, and wondered exactly what it meant _. I guess I'll let her take the lead on this…quarians are more collective, right? Basically all to serve their families, so maybe they're like some of the Earth cultures that use hand-holding as a sign of trust? That would make sense. I think, at least. Maybe I'm just being an anthropocentric bag of dicks…_

The shopping went well from there, with Shepard and Tali eventually settling on a volus merchant for their wares. Tali had complained that the prices were too high, but Shepard felt the volus treated them well, and that "There's no price tag on respect."

The two leaned on opposite walls of the elevator, watching the floors pass by slowly as Shepard triple checked her list.

"So the volus said we'll get the shipment in three hours…when Alenko's order comes in, I want you to check over the dextro food to make sure it's good, because I don't know the next time we'll be back." Shepard noted, scrolling down the list on her omni-tool.

"I will, and thank you for upgrading my omni. I should be able to use many of the combat suites I practiced with on the Rayya." Tali said, her gaze focused out on the approaching docks.

"I'll have to get you to show me sometime when we're on our way to Knossos. See what you can do. Honestly never seen a combat drone before in my life, so I'm kind of excited." Shepard grinned, closing down her list.

"Chiktikka's really smart. I'm just glad I was able to use her when the mercs were chasing me. It's good to know the time and effort I've put into her was worth it." Tali noted happily. "Maybe that's kind of what the pilgrimage is all about. Realizing in the end, after all the hard work and confusion and worry, that it's worth it, to see your friends and family again. That I need to lack what I've had all my life, for a while, in order to realize what I've had. Why it's important."

Shepard smiled at the thought, her mind drifting for a moment to the message she'd sent her friend Faridah the past night. _I wonder if she's gotten back to me. She's been busy lately…we missed our annual get-together the last two years…I mean, when you're working on Mars, it's probably pretty serious…_

"Despite the journey, it's nice to have something to come home to. Makes you appreciate it more, the longer you're away. It's nice to belong to something." Shepard stated wistfully, hoping that she could get back to Amaterasu sometime within the next six months, preferably during spring. "And while it's not the same, I'll try to make sure it's as interesting and enjoyable of a pilgrimage as a quarian can have. The galaxy isn't an entirely hostile, terrible place, I assure you." She finished, chuckling, as the elevator doors opened.

"I appreciate it, Shepard. So…um, can I see the drive core now? Please?" Tali asked, each step toward the Normandy springing with a little more excitement.

"Sure." Shepard laughed at the quarian's enthusiasm. "I don't see why I can't show you around for a bit."

They stepped into the airlock, both feeling good about what had passed, and what was to come.

* * *

Shepard stepped out of the Normandy's elevator, still smiling over the young quarian's reaction to the whole engineering deck. She'd watched Tali zip around from rail to rail, pointing out various aspects of the drive core that she couldn't believe were possible, or could be shrunk that small, or theorizing on what some hardware was for. Luckily, Lieutenant Adams had been there to provide knowledge where she couldn't, and the two hit it off quickly; Tali expressing her awe of the engineering of such a ship, and Adams expressing his awe that such a young person knew so much about ships and could quickly adjust to new concepts. Shepard was just glad that Tali had found a temporary home on the ship.

She felt the pangs of hunger attack, not having eaten since breakfast, and moved into the mess hall. She lazily searched through a box of nutrient paste and pulled out one labeled 'lasagna' _. More like red death. Welp…either this or festering turquoise death over there…honestly, who makes seafood flavoured nutrient paste?_

She put the box back into storage and took a seat at an empty table, dinner hours having passed long ago. As she peeled it open, she noticed a groggy looking Alenko heading into the mess.

"Evening, Commander." He noted drowsily, heading past her to the coffeemaker. She looked over her shoulder as she slurped a bit of the paste, nearly gagging at the flavour. _Yep…red death…_

She forced the grainy paste down her throat and chased it with a hefty gulp of water. "You're looking a bit tired, Alenko. You sure a coffee is a good idea this late at night?"

He shrugged and brought his mug over to her table, sitting across from her. "Went to that medical supplies outlet on Zakera Ward. Made the mistake to think a plate of open hard candies were candies…apparently they're mint flavoured sleeping pills, so…my dilemma. Need to finish cataloguing the supplies I bought and ensuring they're stored properly. Can't sleep quite yet." He explained, taking a quick sip of his coffee.

"Don't worry about that, I'm sure you got everything important." She said, wondering whether to laugh at his poor luck, or to feel sympathy. "I'm more worried about cataloguing who we have than what we have right now."

Alenko nodded slowly, taking another sip of his drink. "Well, it's not the prettiest picture. Had an official crew of thirty two this morning. We lost one medical assistant, we lost most of our ground squad. Murakami's still here, but Pynchon, Fredricks and Martin are out. We lost two engineers, our requisitions officer, one of our ballistics specialists, two comm specialists, and one technician. We lost eleven in total."

Shepard worked out the numbers in her head, grimacing as she realized they were short over a third of their original staff.

"So we have some positions to fill, I guess. Tali can plug into engineering, so that's one. I offered Garrus Vakarian a spot on as a vehicle technician, and maybe he can fit in with ballistics when needed too." Shepard added, taking another regretful slurp of her paste.

"Vakarian…the C-Sec officer? And…Tali? I don't think I've met her yet." Kaidan stated, confused.

"Yeah, it's been a busy day. Tali got us the break on Saren. She's apparently ridiculously good with engines. You should stop by down there when you've got the time. Nice girl." She noted, wincing at the aftertaste of her meal. "And Vakarian practically begged to come aboard. He has turian military experience, and with the potential ground missions we'll be doing, we'll need someone to keep an eye on the mako, make sure it's in good shape."

Kaidan nodded. "I guess when you've got vacancies, you may as well find familiar faces. Is it alright if I brief him on tactics when we depart?"

"That sounds like a good idea. He'll need to be on the same page. I think it's kind of important that we keep our ground team as large as potentially possible. Me, you, Williams, Murakami, Garrus, maybe Tali when I figure out what her training's like. I also handed out another invitation, but I'm not sure if it'll work out. It's a risk." Shep noted, taking the rest of the tube's contents and angrily swallowing them, trying to get the horrid meal over with.

Kaidan chuckled to himself for a moment. "Well, I'm not sure if whoever this person is can be as unpleasant as that nutrient paste. That lasagna?"

Shepard nearly choked on the trace amounts she was painfully trying to swallow still. "Yeah. Ugh!" she groaned, taking a moment to swish water around in her mouth to get it all away from her tongue. Satisfied, she continued. "Yeah, well, he's another kind of red death. Krogan merc. Biotic. Works for the Shadow Broker primarily."

Kaidan's eyes bulged at the reference, and he took a quick gulp or two of his coffee before looking at her flabbergasted. "You what?!"

"Hear me out." She requested, raising her hands. She knew it was a bad start, but it was a calculated risk. "Look, there's two things we're short of on this mission. Brute strength, bodies, and intel. Wrex fights like me in a way, and he regenerates, so if we get low on marines due to injury, he'll always be able to continue because he regenerates."

"Alright, I can understand that, but…he's a merc, and he's in with the Shadow Broker?" Kaidan asked, dumbfounded.

"Well, yeah. I offered the Shadow Broker a deal where we help take out his competition, Saren, and maybe pass him along info…if we find any, that is…about how Saren stole away his contacts, which contacts betrayed him, and any generally juicy info. In exchange, we get Wrex, and if we fall short on leads in a critical time, perhaps he helps dig something up on Saren or his partner." Shepard reasoned, hoping she made sense.

"I…yeah, I mean that's good an all, but do you know who you're getting in bed with?" Kaidan asked, nodding with some hazy understanding.

"The way I see it, if we don't get help wherever we can find it, Saren finds what he needs and those Reaper things wipe us all out. I'm willing to get a little dirty to keep that from happening, I'll live with the consequences later." She noted, shrugging. She didn't see this as a small time thing Saren was going for. _If you're turning on the council and lead a geth army, you're going for broke…_

"Well, I'll trust you on this, then. Don't blame you for being desperate, we've got a skeleton crew to work with. Lots of long shifts in the future." Kaidan said, sighing.

"Also Kaidan, I wanted to ask…yesterday when I woke you were there with Chakwas." Shepard stated, trying to figure out what she wanted to say.

"Is…there a question in there ma'am?" he asked, to which she shrugged. "Well, you were pretty roughed up, and the whole ordeal was kind of my fault. Just wanted to make sure you were fine, I guess." He noted, scratching the back of his neck.

"Well, it wasn't really your fault. The damn thing was blazing green when we got to it, and it pulled you in. I'm just glad I got you out of the way in time." Shepard said, feeling momentary exhaustion, thinking back to that event. "Was a hell of a day, and we got through it. We did the best we could."

"Yes ma'am." He said in agreement, finishing off his coffee. "Also, if it's not too personal, I was wondering…" he started, his voice trailing off.

"I'm not on duty right now, Alenko, and I don't feel it's real appropriate to be formal right now, so speak freely. Ask away." Shepard said, wiping some sleep from her right eye.

"Not many human biotics in the Alliance, I've known most since we were at Jump Zero. Just wondering where you fit in, Shepard." Kaidan stated, looking as if she were possibly about to claw his face off. She rolled her eyes and couldn't help but grin.

"Alenko…don't worry. I won't bite your head off. Only a few things would really get that reaction from me, and asking me a question about my biotics isn't one of them. Though I suppose you aren't clairvoyant, so maybe I don't blame you for that." Shepard noted lazily, propping an elbow up on the table and resting her chin in it.

"Well, it's just that you weren't really what I expected at all." Kaidan said, still appearing a little unsure. "I'd heard a lot about you in the past and…and I mean yeah, you're kind of scary on the battlefield, but you're alright everywhere else."

Shepard couldn't help but laugh at his remark. "Yeah, I'm glad I made the grade, Alenko." She said, chuckling. "But yeah, I get that sometimes. Lots of people listen to propaganda and decide they know shit about me when they're just pretending I'm something that's convenient for them to hate. Anyway, didn't know there were so few biotics around. Though I guess I don't really remember training with any."

"Yeah, there's less than two dozen right now, though in a few years there will probably be more. More turn to the merc trade these days. More money in it." Kaidan mentioned.

"Don't blame them. The food here's crap." Shepard joked, crumpling up her empty tube package.

"Yeah, well, we make do I guess. Anyway, where did you learn? You weren't in BAaT..." Kaidan asked, again, trying to come to a conclusion as his voice trailed.

"I was taught by…a Conatix researcher on Earth. Not sure if you'd know her. Viola Guzman?" Shepard asked, to which Kaidan shook his head. "Apparently she was their big researcher, ran Conatix's end of the program for a few years until she fucked up and Conatix blew up."

"Uh…she might not have ended Conatix. I don't want to toot my own horn here, as it's not exactly something to be proud about, but I'm pretty sure I finished Conatix." Kaidan mentioned, a skeptical wince forming on his face.

"Want to talk about it?" Shepard asked, curious. She knew Conatix blew up, she had just assumed Viola somehow messed it up.

"Not right now, if you don't mind." He said quietly.

"Well, if you ever need an ear, I'm around." Shepard offered, earning a smile from the Lieutenant. "Anyway, long story short, poor kid from the streets with no living family is taken and trained in biotics by an extremist group because she was exposed to eezo twice. Apparently makes me damn powerful at it, or something. Maybe. I was the only one that survived and was tested on." Shepard said offhandedly, not caring to go into much more detail.

"Extremist group? Was…was it that Cerberus group you mentioned earlier at breakfast?" he asked, earning a cocked eyebrow.

"You might be onto something, Alenko." She nodded, stretching her shoulders, noticing they were less stiff than they'd been in years. "Anyway, they weren't very nice. I generally believe in second chances for people, Alenko, but not Cerberus. I pray you'll never experience why."

"So how did you get in with the Alliance, then?" he asked, sounding intrigued. Shepard's memories flashed back to her last night of freedom _. The fight in the car park…at Viola's condo…the shuttle ride with Faridah…_

"I did it to keep my loved ones safe. Found out later that I believed in a lot of what the Alliance was fighting for. But that last night, a sixteen year old decided to try and give back to her friends, but I needed to go through Cerberus." She said, taking a breath as memories of her past flowed through her. "Anderson tried to help. Before I got caught up with Cerberus, he'd tried to get me and my sister away to an Alliance academy or something. He failed then, and that night, he kinda failed at taking down Cerberus. Hell, I failed too, but the lead guy of the project was captured, I guess. Most satisfying fight I've ever been in."

"You were sixteen?" Kaidan asked, baffled.

"Started when I was fourteen, really. But I'm free of them, I'm in with the good guys, I guess, and I'm doing fine. Can't really ask for much more than that, can I?" she asked, yawning.

"You can ask for more than that, Shepard. Your call, though." Kaidan stated before freezing.

"Uh, you have something you want to specify there, Kaidan?" Shepard asked playfully, untucking her legs from under her. When all he could to was stammer out random syllables, she stood and moved over to the waste chute. "Just playing, Alenko. Don't get yourself too worked up."

"Yes, ma'am." He mumbled, blushing furiously.

"Well, if we're back to formalities, then I'll have to warn you. I can take some ribbing and some flirting off-duty, but there's no endgame there for you, Lieutenant. Just in case you ever entertained such a weird, distant thought." She stated as she moved across the mess to her footlocker and grabbed a hold of it. "Anyway, have a good night, Alenko. Seems I have a lot of transfer requests to write up."

The Lieutenant sheepishly nodded and Shepard wasted no time dragging the big steel case over to her new quarters.

* * *

The room was small, but still bigger than anything she'd had since the basement home she and her sister had occupied as children. The military wasn't one for giving personal space, and the Normandy was a prime example with everyone sharing sleeping pods, no real personal quarters for anyone. Still, the room had a bed, a table with two chairs, two terminals for some inexplicable reason, a few floor to ceiling cabinets, and a small shower tucked into the wall that seemed more like a cramped chute of water to stand under.

In short, it was very empty, very metallic, and very dark. The lights at full made the place similar to the lighting in the consort's chambers, which was dim at best. She shook her head at the inconvenience and began unpacking her locker. She decided to use the terminal nearest the bed as something of a shelf, as she'd never get work done with sleep so close by. Shepard reached into her footlocker and pulled out her holo-piano, gently placing it on the lip of the desk. _I'll probably get a lot of use out of this. For better or worse…_

She scattered her sister's acorns across the back lip of the desk, conveniently holding them in place. She didn't feel it was the best home for them, but it was a good temporary fix until she found something more suitable.

Shepard's hand reached in and grabbed a big, soft, pink stuffed hanar with guns attached to each tentacle, drawing a smile from her lips. She recalled fondly one of her teaching sessions on Amaterasu nearly a year prior. She had returned from duty with some fractured ribs and a broken leg, and in general wasn't in the best physical condition to do anything but lay in bed. _But there I was, teaching a bunch of kids about the galaxy...chalk that up to my stubbornness, I guess._ One of the local children she taught, an eight year old named Jillian, had given her Blasto to keep her safe from harm. She smiled at the plushie and placed it gently on the desk. _Hard to believe her parents let her watch the Blasto vids that young_ … _Hard to believe I've only been watching Blasto vids for a year now, but…oh jeez, should I make time to watch one tonight? Didn't I say I would? Hrm…yeah. Bloodfist's Revengening, or maybe Blasto Saves Christmas…hrm…though, it's late, and if we're leaving early tomorrow, then I should get stuff done while I can. Sorry Bloodfist, you can have your failed revengening later._

She set her clothes in their respective cabinets nearby and kept her old childhood sheets and pillows in their storage crate. Fully unpacked and completely underwhelmed at how little she was able to bring, she plopped down onto the side of her bed and opened her omni-tool.

 _May as well send a message off to Garrus. Let him know when we're leaving. Here's hoping Wrex makes it in time…_ She thought to herself as she typed away on her omni. Upon finishing the message, she noticed her vid mail inbox was blinking. _Huh…Faridah? Maybe?_ She mulled over the possibilities as she opened the video message.

The footage was somewhat grainy, but when her friend's face came into view, she couldn't help but smile. _Even if Faridah looks a wee bit angry._

"Amber Shepard, are you kidding me?!" her friend groaned, in mock anger. "I had to learn from Heather, of all people, that you were made Spectre! I figured it was same ol' same ol' after last night's message, you could have at least brought it up instead of pretending nothing exciting was happening. I mean, come on!" Faridah exclaimed, appearing a little exasperated.

Shepard smiled at her old friend's enthusiasm. _She's always been wonderful to me, I know she understands why I couldn't say anything though. Still doesn't mean she can't badger me about it, though._

"And I know what you're probably doing now. Moping about 'Woe is me, I have another nickname', well suck it up princess! Seriously, you're so deserving of the title. You don't get near enough credit, so ignore all the haters. You just keep doing what you always do, and come back alive, alright?" the raven-haired woman said, her sass eliciting laughter from Shepard. "I promise I'll be able to make your birthday this year, so you better set something up for then. I'm serious, I talked to Heather, she's trying to schedule it off too. Even Katie might be able to come all the way from Earth! You should see how big her daughter's gotten, she's adorable." Faridah rambled as Shepard leaned back in her chair, mulling over the possibility of some leave in a few months. _Maybe if we catch Saren quickly…it might work._

"Anyway, just sending you this to let you know I'm doing fine. I got transferred from Mars to Luna base, but it's all hush hush. Real exciting work getting done, I think I've found my calling here. So I'm fine, and Jared's fine. I can't believe it's been almost four years since we met and I think he might pop the question soon." Faridah paused, tensing with excitement. "So don't worry about me. Just try to give yourself some time, you know? I know you don't have much spare time with the Alliance, especially with your new duties, but it's been hard for me to see you alone for so long. I know how you can get lost in your head at times, and since that terrible event…you deserve someone. You know you're a catch, and…" Shepard paused the video and scrolled through the last minute or so to play the final few seconds. "Anyway, please, take my advice. And take care of yourself, Amber. I'll talk to you soon, I promise."

Shepard let herself fall back fully onto the bed and let out a sigh. _My love life, or lack thereof, isn't anyone's business but mine. I'm doing fine, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with how I spend my time. I don't…need anyone._ She muttered inwardly as her hand grabbed a pillow instinctively, stopping as she realized what she was doing. _Okay, alright, and even if I maybe, microscopically wanted someone, that's no one's business and it's my call, and I'm not desperate and it's not like anyone would really want to be with me anyway._ She grumbled, pulling the pillow behind her head and resting on it. _Oh hey, friends, this is my girlfriend, the Butcher of Torfan… she's a murderer, it's cool. Apparently a psychopath too, now. No biggie. Ugh._

She willed herself past her internal griping and opened up a new message window, addressing it to a certain Alliance officer friend of hers.

_'Hey Heather, want a job? Let me know if you want to hitch a ride on the Normandy with me. Would understand if you declined, though, but I figured I'd give you first crack at it.'_

Shepard looked at the message and sent it. _Simple enough, I think I'll just sleep now._ She thought, setting her alarm for 03:30, though fully expecting her dreams wouldn't let her get nearly that much.

_Well, may as well give sleep another shot. Knossos is a long ways away._


	9. Helplessness Blues

Shepard paced the CIC, one hand on her forehead in a vain attempt to repel her headache, and the other holding a datapad of information on both planets. Pressly merely stood by and looked at her, unimpressed.

"We need to make a decision now, Commander. We can't waste another minute out here when Saren's down there somewhere taking our objective from under our noses." Pressly stated firmly. "You need to make a decision. Now."

"It's not that easy, Pressly, if we commit right away we'll be spending at least a day scanning the planet before we have a shot anywhere else, and we've only been in Knossos for ten minutes. Let's just take a moment to think, alright?" Shepard asked, her skull feeling like it was about to implode. It had taken two days to get to the system, and her headaches were only getting worse. "Let's give the comms guys a chance to do their thing."

"They cannot do their 'thing' without proper intel and without knowing exactly what to look for, Shepard. We have precious little information right now." Pressly countered, only fueling the throbbing around her temples.

She tried to shake the pain away, but it was fruitless. She needed sleep, which she hadn't had much of since the beacon. _Maybe one hour last night. Practically none before the council meeting, around three hours after the consort…that's not good. I need sleep…I can barely function like this, but…I guess I'll have to._

She heard footsteps approach behind her and turned to see Kaidan. "Commander, I think we should go to Therum first. Lots of new mines there, and maybe there was a prothean ruin found there during a dig? Worth checking out, ma'am."

She nodded her head and thought it over. _Well, he has a point…if she's been looking at prothean stuff for a while, then she's probably seen all the old sites. She'd probably get quick access to any new ones…_

"Gonna disagree with the Alenko here. That Armeni place is full of ruins. We know she searches ruins. That seems a lot more logical." Joker piped in over the comms. Shepard often wondered how often he listened in on other conversations. _He could, you know, just come over and talk to us…meh. Maybe not his style._ "Besides, what are the odds of a prothean ruin being found? They have a planet of ruins nearby, you'd think over the centuries that they would have, you know, checked other planets in the system. Just saying."

Shepard couldn't help but feel joker was also making a good point. _This is too ridiculous. Seriously, why can't she just be somewhere easy to find?_ She thought, turning to face Pressly, but immediately distracted by Tali wandering aimlessly in the CIC. _I need a distraction right now anyway…_

"Tali, what's up?" Shepard asked, each word igniting a minor storm in her skull _. Christ, this had better go away soon._

"Oh! Shepard…I…you're busy. I just…" Tali mumbled, looking around nervously between a stern looking Pressly and a confused looking Kaidan.

"Well, you came all the way up here, so you may as well say your piece." Shepard noted, leaning up against the wall near the comm room.

"I…well, Adams and I think we might have found a way to make the engines more efficient. Maybe...maybe by three or four percent." Tali said, sounding a little more confident.

"That sounds great! Just wait until we're out of a mission to run any tests or whatnot, but you've got a smart group down there. Good work." She said, offering the quarian a brief smile. "Is there anything else?"

"Have you found anything out about either planet yet?" Tali asked, looking at the holo screens detailing each possible destination.

"Not yet. It sucks, because the more time we spent trying to figure this out, or if we choose the wrong planet, the better the odds that Saren and his damned geth will sneak the Doctor out of the system under our noses. It's just a bad situation, no easy answer." Shepard stated, though her curiosity piqued as Tali brought her hand to her mouthpiece and began bouncing on her feet slightly. "Uh…Tali?"

"The geth! I….hrm. I think I can , but it's different hardware, and there could be synchronization problems, and it may require a different transmitter, or maybe different protocols, but…" Tali began rambling, her focus entirely elsewhere.

"Tali!" she exclaimed, placing a steadying hand on Tali's shoulder, drawing the quarian out of her rambling. "What's on your mind?"

"I used a series of algorithms and scanners to track the geth patrol last week. It might be a stretch, but I might be able to convert it to work on the Normandy's systems." Tali stated wringing her hands for a moment before becoming aware of it and dropping them to her sides. "I think it could work. With the Normandy's scanners being a lot more powerful, it might be able to detect system wide, or even just a very large range."

"And you used this to find geth patrols before? It works?" Pressly asked, seemingly suspicious. Tali just nodded her head.

"The ship I used needed to go into orbit first to do a planetary scan, but its systems were weak, the ship was nearly a century old. I think the Normandy would be more effective, but yes, it scans known geth frequencies." Tali explained quickly.

"Known geth frequencies? And how did you come across this information?" Pressly asked, continuing to press for details. Shepard kept an eye on him, wondering why he'd look a gift horse in the mouth.

"I'm a quarian. We may not live in the Veil anymore, but we usually keep an eye on the geth. They change their encryption here and there, but it's usually a form of the original frequencies we programmed them with, making it easier to detect and filter through." Tali stated, sounding a little defensive. "We need to know if the geth will attack us again, making that a top priority. Most quarians on any ship are made aware of it, especially upon leaving for Pilgrimage. If the geth were to infiltrate the flotilla, would it not be in our best interests to be able to detect their communications on approach in order to avoid an ambush?"

"The geth haven't staged an offensive against quarian people in centuries, there's no reason for a girl as young as you to have that knowledge." Pressly stated, crossing his arms. Shepard opened her mouth to object when Tali stepped up to the older officer.

"And if your human colony had even one quarian on it, they would have been able to save more lives instead of going through what they did." Tali stated firmly, her body tense with frustration. "Shepard, I want to help."

"Permission granted. Tali, check in with the comms team, specifically Lowe and Felawa. They should be able to help you patch whatever you have into the systems." Shepard stated, happy that they found a potential solution, but annoyed at Pressly's posturing.

As she walked slowly toward the stairs, she felt a hand on her shoulder and spun around.

"Shepard, I am not comfortable letting aliens have such direct access to the Normandy. I can assure you, no captain in the Alliance fleets would let a quarian infiltrate their vital systems." Pressly stated, his voice a low growl.

"I can assure you I'm not a captain. I'm a Commander, and this ship was placed under my command. I would choose your language very carefully, Pressly. Infiltrate isn't the correct term to use, as I gave her access willingly." Shepard warned, her tone steely. She decided for the purposes of discussion to ignore the potentially racist slip.

"You cannot simply pick and choose which Alliance protocols to follow, Shepard. It will undermine your authority, your respect…" Pressly continued, urging the Commander to reconsider.

"Look…I'm not just an Alliance solider now, I'm also a Spectre, and we need to stop Saren. If that means I let Tali tinker away with our comm systems… with our comms crew supervising… I don't see a problem. If I need to bring in some aliens to fill out our depleted crew and ground team, then so be it. This ship was built by more than humans, and this mission has to do with more than humans, so you're going to have to get used to the crew being more diverse than just being fully human. We've gotten as far as we have with the help of asari, quarian and turian individuals, Pressly." Shepard ranted, feeling the headache begin to recede for the moment. "So if you don't mind, I'm going to get the ground crew ready. Please make efforts to be accommodating. You're the XO now, it's your duty."

She strolled down the stairs away from the former navigator, wondering if she'd regret her decision to give the man the executive officer's position. _Well, maybe he'll come around…I don't need more dissent on this ship._

* * *

Laughter echoed through the mako as the vehicle soared through the air, small boosters preventing a rough landing at the last possible second, leaving it to hover forward for a second before bouncing lightly onto the ground. Shepard looked around the vehicle at the slightly paler, nauseous looking individuals and snorted with amusement. "Bunch of no fun grumps."

"Shepard can you please stop hurtling us into the air every time you see a lava pit? I'm starting to think you're more than a little suicidal." Garrus complained, tightly gripping the main cannon's controls.

"Yeah, skipper. Maybe you can ease up a little? Maybe not be so much of a lead foot?" Williams asked, sounding panicked.

"Look, I'm just going from point A to point B as fast as I can, and I'm being pretty gentle with this thing, come on guys." Shepard said exasperatedly. "Look, we know there's geth here on Therum, and they're all concentrated around some mining facility, which probably means they've found our target, which means we need to catch up. Am I making sense?"

"Shepard, we can't kill any geth if you drive us into a lake of molten death." Wrex grumbled. "You promised me geth."

Shepard let out a sigh and slowed the pace of the mako slightly, careening dangerously close to the edge of a pit as the mako burst up a twisty path.

"Shepard, where did you learn to drive?!" Murakami yelled out from the back. She thought he'd be more excited about being on a ground mission than her driving record.

"Drove an M-29 grizzly once about a year and a half ago. Was a good time." Shepard remarked, turning sharply around a corner, sending one of the back wheels spinning off the edge and over the gorge for a moment.

"I think he means before that, skipper." Williams stated uncertainly.

"Hrm? What do you mean?" Shepard asked, grinning ear to ear. _Probably not the best time to joke, but they're giving me shit._ "First thing I ever drove was that grizzly."

"WHAT?!" Alenko practically exploded, frantically trying to make his way past Wrex to the front seat. "Shepard, you need to let me drive. You can't drive."

"Pshh. Come on LT, I think I'm doing a damn good job." She remarked, setting off the boosters to cross a small ravine, landing safely on the other side. _Not that this crew could appreciate it._ "I was kidding. Learned in N7 training. As a matter of fact, I finished with top of the class in it."

"Probably because you killed everyone." Alenko said, grimacing once he realized his words might be taken the wrong way. "…With your driving, I mean. Running them over or crashing into them or…"

"I get it Alenko. " She stated, slowing the mako's pace as a shiny white obstacle appeared in the distance. "Garrus, check ahead at eleven o'clock, Wrex and Ash, get on your turrets, we have company."

"Finally." Wrex said grumpily, turning to Garrus. "Though you should let me handle that cannon, whelp."

Shepard ignored their back and forth bickering as she sped the mako toward the armature, sliding and boosting the vehicle to avoid the plasma barrage it hailed toward them. It was only when they got within a kilometer that she noticed another white machine scamper over a ridge and toward them. She continued toward the machines full-tilt as an idea popped into her head and caused her to grin.

Garrus had been missing all of his shots as they'd sped down the hill, but once they hit a more level ground, his aim improved drastically, one burst hitting the closest geth armature in the chest. _Excellent…soften it up for me._

"Brace for impact!" Shepard yelled out gleefully, careening around a plasma blast as the mako came within a hundred meters. "Focus fire on the far geth thingy!"

Shepard hit a small ridge near the armature and hit the anti-gravity boosters as they made contact, sending the mako flying into the air. She saw the armature's neck angle upward and vanish from her viewport before a tremendously loud explosion erupted beneath them, propelling them forward on their front most wheels only.

She could hear Wrex's deep, booming laughter above the shrill, panicked objections of the rest of her crew, swerving to the left around the remaining armature's fire as the mako recovered. _They tell me I can't drive…pshh…let's see them avoid all incoming fire and crash land onto a big machine like that…especially with that kind of air…_

Garrus, to his credit, had pinpoint accuracy despite being preoccupied with spewing out antagonizing remarks about her driving prowess, sending a shell exploding on the last armature's head, Wrex and Williams' turret fire finishing the job quickly.

Shepard slowed the pace of the mako back down, letting the crew catch a breather as they began to ascend a more uniformly sloped hill.

"Well, that was fun, eh guys?" she asked, breathless and exhilarated that her plan had worked. She turned her head slowly to see the crew and was met with stony expressions. "I'll…take that as a yes." She finished, slowly turning back to her dash. As they cleared the hill, she noticed a large platoon of geth assembled ahead of her, beside some shoddy steel barricades.

"So, what do any of you think about geth bowling?" she asked playfully, which was followed quickly by a chorus of groans.

* * *

Tali ducked behind the nearest boulder to let Chiktikka recharge, panting at the torrid pace the squad tore through the geth at. She'd never fought geth up this close before, or such a ludicrous amount, and it was an almost unnervingly frantic endeavour. _Keelah, this is almost as crazy as Shepard driving that tank! Well…almost. Not quite…although it was fun when she ran over all of those geth!_ She thought with a small laugh, smiling as her recharge timer went off, letting her know she could re-deploy. She looked over to a boulder across from her where Garrus stood, picking shots carefully. The two of them had been trusted to carry the back end, to get the geth out of position and into line of fire, and she felt like they had been doing well.

She swiveled out of cover for a moment and sent her drone to a group of geth hiding behind cover on the hillside. "Good girl, Chiktikka! Bring them out to play!" she called out gleefully, proud that her drone had been effective thus far. It was only when she heard the crunching of rocks behind her that she turned around, narrowly avoiding a burst from a geth trooper's rifle as she dove into more appropriate cover.

"Shepard, we have hostiles coming up from the back, we could use some help!" she heard Garrus call out through their comms. He'd quickly pivoted to the other side of the pathway and behind some cover, using the sharp angle to keep him as safe as possible. Tali found herself in no such position, with geth in eyesight of her no matter where she hid. She swung her arm behind her and grabbed her new shotgun, marveling for a moment at how pristine it looked. Her hands shook as she removed the safety and scooted over to the edge of her cover, waiting for the eventual approach of the geth, nervous about using it for the first time. An image of her being sent flying backward by the recoil flashed through her mind before she dismissed it, shaking her head. She counted the quick, timed steps of the geth and readied herself, taking one last look at her drone, busy troubling a diminishing series of geth in the distance. _Three…two…one…_

Tali swung out of cover and pulled the trigger frantically, emptying five shots rapidly into the small group of geth before dropping back into cover, her shotgun's alarms informing her it was overheated. She peeked her head around the corner and felt a blast whizz by her, but noticed it wasn't from the group that had been approaching; those three were reduced to twitching debris beside her. She brought herself back behind the rock and smiled, understanding the excitement Shepard had expressed about the shotgun. _This weapon is amazing!_

She giggled under her breath as her weapon finished cooling down and noticed one of the human marines, Murakami had dropped back to support. Feeling confident, she snuck around her cover to the far side and crept further toward the entrenched geth that had caught them off-guard, noticing Garrus and Murakami's cover fire as an appropriate distraction.

Sliding up on the opposite side of the cover the geth were using, she pawed for one of her timed mines and tossed it over her shoulder. The reaction was immediate, the geth frantically moving away as the one second timer expired, the explosion sending the troopers flying in every direction. She took a quick shot at one flying over her and out of cover, then spun and emptied a round into another fallen geth. She saw Murakami and Garrus storm forward to finish the unit entirely as Chiktikka once again returned for recharging. _I should probably get back to Shepard, she'll need us to help out._ She thought, rushing back up toward the rest of the group, realizing the rest of the group had pushed deep into the geth defenses in her absence.

By the time she and the others finally caught up, the majority of the fighting seemed to be over. She couldn't help but celebrate a little once Chiktikka lured the final geth soldier out of its hiding spot to its doom. Tali wasn't surprised that they made it to the mining facility with only minor injuries. _Everyone seemed to have at least another person watching over them, and everyone seemed to do what they do best…Keelah, tell me a year ago that I would be fighting geth alongside a human, a turian and a krogan, and I would have probably choked on my vocalize laughing…this is surreal…_

She shifted her focus toward a distant noise, Shepard calling the group together. _Right, we're not done yet._

* * *

Shepard could almost hear Wrex bickering through the closed doors of the sweltering mine shaft as she led Williams and Tali down the long tunnel. She'd decided it was best to split into two smaller squads; one to protect the mining facility and keep a clear exit, and another to venture into the depths of the ruins. She'd decided to replicate the success of their efforts getting to the mine in taking Williams and Tali with her, leaving another balanced force behind. Convincing Wrex that it was a sound tactical strategy had proved a fruitless endeavour, so she hadn't attempted to justify why she'd chosen Kaidan to lead the squad other than to simply state that he was in charge in her absence. _Meh, he can whine about it later. I don't see the geth staying far away when we've broke their ranks like this…they'll send reinforcements._

"Real hot in here." Williams stated, her voice slightly strained. Shepard couldn't help but agree, it was as if she'd walked into a furnace; she was sure that if she wasn't wearing her helmet, the air would be much harder to breathe. She simply nodded.

"You…don't have environment controls in your armor?" Tali asked, confused. "I would have thought you would have those...are you telling me you're walking around in seventy Celsius heat?"

Shepard turned to the quarian and caught Williams glaring at Tali. She just grinned at the circumstances. "I've been in worse." Shepard noted. "Our armor has minor cooling in it, but nothing substantial. Especially in this heat."

"So what exactly are we expecting down there, Commander?" Williams asked as they traveled down the sloped tunnel.

Shepard shrugged, formulating an answer. "Not entirely sure, to be honest. I expect there will be some geth, but I think we've cleared most of them out above ground." She started, feeling a drop of sweat rolling down her forehead. "And I expect Doctor T'Soni to be down there somewhere, considering the geth are still here. Whether she's fighting back, or captured or…whatever…isn't something I'm about to spend time thinking about just yet."

"Just kind of sucks that she's our only lead, ma'am." Williams added, looking slightly worse for wear. "I mean, what makes her so important to Saren?"

"Well, she's an expert on prothean research. Did a little checking up on her on the extranet, she's done a few studies on prothean extinction. That ties in real well to the Reapers, I think. Maybe Saren thinks that too." Shepard noted, dancing around the other reason this asari was so important. Unfortunately for her, Tali picked up on it.

"But Shepard…there are many prothean researchers in the galaxy, I would think. Why her? Why now?" the quarian asked curiously.

Shepard's shoulders slumped a bit; in part from the direction of the conversation, and in part from the stifling heat. _Christ it's like I'm walking into the depths of hell or something…_

"Look, I picked you two because your styles compliment me and I think we'll be pretty effective in combat. But I also picked you because I trust you a little more than the rest." Shepard stated, stepping past an exhaust pipe. "What I say needs to be kept under wraps until I say otherwise, alright?"

She looked over at her squadmates who both gave crisp nods. "Doctor T'Soni's importance is directly tied to her being a prothean researcher…that's the main draw here for everyone involved, but she's also important in another way. Her mother is allied with Saren."

"What?!" Williams exclaimed, stumbling forward from surprise. "Her mom's with Saren?"

"It's apparently a lot more complicated than that. I have it under…good confidence that this Matriarch Benezia is not the type to get in bed with someone like Saren, so there's an idea that she's being coerced into helping him. She's incredibly powerful, and if we could win her over by keeping her daughter safe from Saren, maybe we could get her away from that bastard. That's the second part of why we're here."

"Shit." Ash remarked candidly, shaking her head. "This guy's probably been putting all the pieces in place for years. No telling what kind of dirt he might have on that Matriarch, or if he's set her daughter up as bait to sabotage us."

"Let's not jump the gun, Ash. Always innocent until proven guilty, alright? I doubt he would have set up a trap like this on short notice, considering he probably saw himself keeping Spectre status, and us not having the freedom to go after him. So let's assume she's innocent and just get her out of here. Then we'll ask questions." Shepard said firmly, slowing as they reached another set of doors. "Anyway, keep your eyes peeled, your voices quiet, and your fingers on the trigger. Ready?"

Shepard activated the door controls and the trio slipped into the next area, where it was noticeably warmer. They crept down a slope to a series of walkways and took cover behind nearby pillars, each scouting out what they could see. Shepard noticed that the walkways had seen heavy traffic, and seemed to be weakened by that. The area was large and cavernous, and it was deep. Staring through the grated flooring, she could tell the excavation went hundreds of meters deep. _Well, it could be worse…but we're going to have to be careful._

A steady beat of metal on metal perked their heads up, geth footsteps echoing throughout the large chamber, getting louder as they approached the entrance behind the three. Shepard looked over at the opposite pillar where Williams and Tali hid and began making signals; for Williams to ready her assault rifle, and for Tali to prepare her omni-tool. She noticed the quarian's shoulders slump a little before seeing her nod. _Hrm, wonder what that's about?_

Shepard waited anxiously as the footsteps came closer, she was certain there were at least four scouts nearing them. Just as she spotted a geth rifle poke out beside her pillar, Williams popped out of cover and unleashed a hail of bullets on the surprised geth, allowing Shepard to twist around the opposite side of her cover and catch one of the retreating soldiers with her shotgun, as another stood prone, disabled by Tali's overload and hack. Shepard used her biotics to push that last geth off the platform and down into the pit as Williams and Tali dragged the three others away from the main path.

Shepard's head spun at a loud creak from their direction, where a geth foot had caught the edge of one of the walkways; she looked at a sheepish looking Williams and noted one of the geth she was pulling had become caught on a support and pulled it free, weakening one of the walkways significantly. Tali helped unhook the geth's limb from the support and the three quickly and gingerly made their way across the shifting, groaning walkway to the next stable one and down a few flights of stairs.

They traversed down the first few levels with little resistance, even as other geth patrols became more aware and vigilant. After a short time, they had reached the last accessible level by foot, and stood by an elevator that appeared less than sturdy. Williams casually made her way to a nearby rail, peering over at the tiled wall a few meters away.

"It's so hot in here! I swear, with this heat, and those…insets in the wall, this could have been a prison. Though I'm not sure where the doors are, or how they'd get prisoners into the cells in the first place…if this was done by the protheans, then they're just weird." Williams stated, sounding as short of breath as Shepard was at this point. The heat was stifling, and she couldn't wait to get back to the cool confines of the Normandy.

"Don't doubt that at all, Williams. Even wearing all this, it's brutal here. Can't imagine how bad it'd be if I were stuck here for days, having to breathe this air." Shepard said, gesturing Williams to the elevator. The marine comically froze and stepped further back away from the machine. "Oh, come on Ash, we have to get down there some way or another."

"I'm not going to die by elevator, Shepard. That would be too embarrassing." Williams insisted, hands on her hips.

"Fine, either me or Tali will shoot you if the elevator goes into freefall. I promise." Shepard quipped.

"You mean I can use my shotgun?" Tali asked, excitedly, drawing a glare from the marine. Shepard just looked at the quarian with confusion. "What? You've been telling me to use my omni, or Chiktikka this whole time and…well, I, um…I really like it."

Shepard could help but give a subtle fist-pump in mutual excitement, having hoped Tali would take to the shotgun well. "Nice! See, Williams? If we go freefall, you two can both get what you want. Now come on." Shepard finished, stepping into the rickety vessel, Tali quickly following.

Williams let out a sigh and begrudging dragged her feet over into the elevator, moping all the while.

The lift made its way down into the pit at a rapid rate, shaking all the while. Shepard swore she could hear Williams screaming as they plummeted toward the base of the pit, but it ceased as the elevator slowed and crept the last few meters to a halt. Shepard stepped out onto the walkway to find they were much closer to the ground level, but still a few levels up, the walkway nestled up beside the smoothly tiled wall. _Well shit…_ she thought, looking around for a stairwell, but none were visible.

"How the hell do we get down there?" Shepard asked no one in particular. Ash stumbled out of the elevator, holding her stomach, and gripped onto a nearby rail. Tali uneasily made her way down the walkway, seemingly in search of a way down. Williams seemed to steady herself and looked back to Shepard, but her focus froze on something else.

"Uh, Shepard, I think there's a ladder over there, behind you." Williams noted, Shepard turning to find what Williams pointed to; her eyes quickly found the tip of a ladder, off at the very edge of the walkway. _Oh you have got to be kidding me. Why does it have to be ladders?_

Shepard called Tali back and made her way to the ladder, scoping the path to the bottom. Alright, so we're like, six floors up. _Not bad I guess. Shouldn't take long._

Shepard started down first, checking around her for any signs of geth as she slowly descended to the next walkway. She waited for the rest to get down first and began moving to the opposite side of the walkway.

"So we're getting close to the ground level so keep your eyes pee-" Shepard started to say before a violently sharp snapping sound tore through the air from in front of them as both supports cut free. She barely had time to think before the walkway dipped forward, sending them tumbling across the floor of the walkway and through the air. Shepard tucked into a roll as another walkway a few levels beneath rushed up to greet her, causing her to bounce violently off the mound of debris below, sprawling her out onto the floor.

She laid there motionless for a few moments, catching her breath and making sure her body wasn't entirely broken. She moved her fingers, then her toes, and proceeded until she was confident nothing was too debilitating. _Nothing broken…just a lot of pain…_ she thought, wincing as she worked herself to her feet dizzily, hearing something muffled off in the distance. She saw Williams prone on a fallen piece of walkway and Tali folded upside down against a rail. As she made her way over to them, the sound became clearer, but it was weak, and still muffled. _A voice? I'll…get to that later. First, my squad…_

She took Tali's hand and slowly pulled her from the rail, rousing the quarian back to consciousness. The two helped Williams up, who was struggling to her feet by that time.

"Ma'am, can I request that we never come back here again? Ever?" Williams groaned over comms. "I think I banged my leg up a bit in that fall. You okay, Shepard?"

"Fine, just hit my head on something. Probably a minor concussion, no big deal. Tali?" Shepard asked, looking to the third member of their squad.

"My back is sore. But I think I'm fine. We quarians don't tend to break bones easily." Tali explained wearily, rubbing her lower back. Shepard nodded and looked to where the sound was coming from.

"I think I hear something up there. Can you two help me grab that broken piece of walkway and lean it against the wall? I want to climb up there." She said, looking up at the floor above, where half of a longer walkway hung, seemingly supported. _Well, if that one fails, at least it's a one level drop instead of three._

It took the three a few minutes to coordinate enough and to pry the fallen stretch of walkway free, but they managed to lean it up against the tiled wall, using the railing on their level to prop it up. Shepard began to ascend and placed her fingers in the flimsy holes to gain some traction. As she made her way higher, she heard the voice more clearly, off to her right. After a few minutes of steady, careful climbing, she was able to roll herself onto that level's remaining walkway, thankful that it seemed to be sturdy and able to hold her weight. _Thank Christ! Could use some luck, for once._

She got up to her feet and gave the signal that she was fine to Tali and Williams before slowly stalking toward the next cell, which was wreathed in what seemed to be a blue barrier.

"Uh…hello? Is there anyone there?" A weak voice called out, pleading desperately. "Can somebody help me? Please?"

She stepped closer to the cell and lowered her weapon as the voice's owner came into view, seemingly caught in some form of stasis bubble, body outstretched.

"Can you hear me out there? I am trapped…I need help." The asari continued, her voice strained and panicked. She was pale and looked entirely exhausted, her lids half open and her breaths short and labored. _How long has she been trapped in that thing? Christ…_

"Can you, uh…tell me your name?" Shepard asked cautiously, unsure if this was who she was supposed to find.

"Are…are you real?" the asari asked, her eyes opening widely, before a look of disappointment fell across her face. "Oh no, don't be silly, Liara. Humans do not come here. You are hallucinating."

Shepard couldn't help but feel bad for her. _She's definitely not all there right now, but she called herself Liara, so…no real chance she isn't who we're looking for. Let's get her out of here…somehow…_ Shepard thought to herself.

"And you're talking too yourself now as well. Ha!" Liara choked out a strained laugh, letting her head hang forward. "I am going to die in here." She finished weakly, sounding entirely defeated.

Shepard took a step forward and grazed her finger on the barrier, feeling no fluctuations in it. _This is serious stuff…leave it to the protheans…_ she mused, bringing her focus up to Liara's face.

"Look, believe it or not, I'm real, and I'm going to get you out of here, alright?" she replied calmly.

The asari looked at her suspiciously. "You're oddly lucid for a hallucination. They do not usually claim to be real. Or…do they? I guess I cannot be sure, I don't usually hallucinate. At least, I don't think I do." She rambled, sounding more disoriented by the moment. _Don't think I'd get anywhere asking how long she's been down here._

"Hey now, I know you're exhausted, but it's alright. My name is Shepard, Councilor Tevos sent me here to take you to her, to get you to safety." She said, hoping to reason with Liara and set her at ease. She felt the doctor's eyes focus squarely on the sigil her armor bore marking her as a member of the Spectres. _Funny…I got into the Spectres real easily, yet people focus on that instead of the N7 it took years of pain and anguish to get. Lame._

"A Spectre? Truly I must be going insane, there are no human Spectres, and certainly not a female of their species. What else would I conjure up? A protector figure. Yes, perfect. Comforting. And adding the mention of my favourite aunt, as well. Typical." Liara spoke wearily. "Well, I will play along anyway, to pass the time until my eventual death. As you can see, I am trapped. If you are as real as you claim, find a way to free me."

"Well, how'd you end up in there anyway? Might help to know before I start poking around for a solution." Shepard asked, looking into the cell Liara floated in for any clues. _It has an open back and a terminal? Hrm…_

"Ah yes. The figment of my imagination wants me to retrace my steps and relive my embarrassing mistake." Liara scoffed, lifting her eyes to meet Shepard's. She couldn't help but freeze under the asari's gaze. _Christ, her eyes are such a vivid blue…like…wow. I mean I don't even like the colour blue, but…Christ. Not fair. Why do all asari have to be so painfully attractive?_

"I was exploring the ruins as I had been for the past month and a half. One day, the geth showed up…at first, I was stunned. Geth beyond the veil! But they were accompanied by a krogan who was…aggressive. I managed to escape to here and activated the defenses, hoping the barrier systems would protect me." Liara continued, her breathing increasingly labored. "When I activated it, I must have made an error in my haste, and pressed something I was not supposed to. It trapped me in here instead. You…you must get me out of here. Please." She finished, her voice giving out in exhaustion.

"Look, just hang tight…" Shepard started, wanting to facepalm as the words left her mouth. Puns! And a terrible one at that! Smooth, Shepard. "…We'll get you out of there, I promise."

"Of course. What good is a hallucination…if it can't offer false hope?" Liara spoke, her words barely louder than her breaths. "Find some way…or leave me alone. I'm tired…of talking to myself."

Shepard nodded solemnly and stepped away from the barrier and the suspended prothean archaeologist. She made her way down to the other two quickly and gestured them toward a nearby set of stairs leading down to the rocky ground level.

"So? What was up there?" Williams asked, curious.

"Our doctor. But she's delirious from exhaustion and she doesn't think I'm real. She turned on a barrier from inside the cell, but it ended up trapping her in a stasis thing. There's an opening at the back of her cell, so maybe if we find a way around? I'm really not sure." Shepard explained as they walked down the stairs, and across the rocky ground.

"Any sign she's not on our side?" she heard the marine ask, causing her to roll her eyes in response.

"Williams, some geth and a krogan tried to kill her. I think that, chances are, Saren sees her as a loose end more than as a helpful potential employee." Shepard stated, a little tired of Williams' suspicion. "Suspect her all you like, but she's getting out of there and coming with us…somehow. Let's start looking."

The trio spread out over the ground level, wandering aimlessly in hopes of finding some magic answer to their prothean problem. A while later, Shepard hung back near the side of the room opposite the large wall, looking for other cells with open ends while Williams dug at a huge pile of rock and debris. A sound to their right drew them from their endeavour, and caught sight of Tali pushing a mammoth machine on a trolley of some sort, having come from further inside the caverns.

"What the heck is that?" Shepard asked, both amused and surprised at the large, boxy device. Tali kept pushing toward the nearest flat surface.

"I saw the mining paths down here and thought that they probably didn't do it by hand. And they didn't, they used a mining laser." She said with a strange amount of glee. Shepard got the impression that Tali might like explosions. Or was possibly imagining using a mining laser against the geth. _Probably both, I figure._

"Good work. Maybe we can blast a hole in the wall or something." Shepard noted, before turning to the young marine. "Williams, come over here, we might need your help."

The three found a mechanism on the trolley to lock it in place, figuring it would be necessary, and then wheeled it toward the wall.

"Uh, Shepard? It might be a stretch, but I swear, there's some airflow coming from that mound of rock and debris I was digging in. Definitely an echo when I knocked some of the stuff around. I don't know, but maybe we should try?" Williams mentioned as they pulled the device closer.

"Or it could be another room. But that could also mean it could be a room with a back. Or it could just be a natural cavern. Either way, we can try that. Angle it so that it'll cut through the rubble and hit a wall if it's a regular cell. That way, it's a win-win." Shepard said, pleased with Williams' find. "Good work."

Shepard finished locking the device in place and angling the laser just so, while Tali hacked into its controls. Williams just hung off to the side and relaxed, having done her part already. The machine let out a large, steady rumble as it activated, the light of the control panel reflecting off Tali's visor.

"What power level should I use? It goes to…eleven? That's…strange. Why eleven?" Tali asked, confused at the odd range of values.

"How about an eight? Eight sounds fine." Shepard called out from the front, ensuring the laser was set properly and wouldn't be moving any time soon.

"Eight is off the recommended power range. It calls for anything from one to six as safe power levels." Tali stated nervously.

"What's the point in having all those power levels if you can't use them? Just run with seven, and I think we'll be fine. Just a smidgen over the top should do it." Shepard added playfully, moving over to where Tali stood.

"Oh…um, well…alright. I guess." Tali mumbled, before hovering her hand over the activation button. She paused momentarily, but pressed the controls as Shepard began to tap her foot impatiently. The laser exploded out of the barrel and into the pile of rocks and debris, sending all impacted material flying in every direction, though reducing much of it to dust and fine particles. As the rubble was cleared, they saw the laser landing on the tiled flooring of the deep cell, causing no damage.

 _Well, so much for that plan_. Shepard thought, signaling Tali to turn the device off. Once clear, she walked over to the new hole in the ground and peered into the small entrance that was carved, leading into an open ended cell.

"Hey, it made it through, and there's an exit behind that…" Shepard called out, turning around and noticing an encroaching geth force from the caverns. "Shit."

Tali and Williams had hid by the front of the laser, using it as cover. Shepard was a few meters away with only a relatively minor boulder in sight for cover, so she scampered there quickly, grabbing her shotgun from her holster and readying it.

"Come out wherever you are, pyjaks." They heard, the signature low growl of a krogan echoing through the pit. "You've had your fun, but I'm in need of a nice meal before we take the doctor to Saren finally."

Shepard rolled her eyes at the statements. _Krogan. Always thinking so highly of themselves. It's the geth I'm more worried about than him. There looked to be what…a dozen? Or ten? Something like that._

"So surrender." The krogan called out monotonously. "Or don't. That would be more fun."

Shepard pulled a grenade from her belt and, peeking out from the rock, tossed it toward the pack of geth. Tali seemed to have the same idea, tossing a mine over at the pack of geth. Williams fired through the dual explosions at the unseen foes as Shepard swung out of cover and fired a shot at the krogan charging at her, readying her stance. _Charging at me, huh?_

Shepard blipped in front of the krogan and knocked the brute backward a few feet; the warrior barely remaining balanced, unsteady on one foot. She fired off the rest of her clip at him before getting thrown into the air and across the room. She shook her head at her mistake and braced for her landing, crashing into a partially disintegrated walkway. Her back flared with pain as she struggled to her feet, but she was able to ignore it for long enough to dive out of the way of another biotic throw.

"It's exhilarating isn't it?" the krogan yelled out, sending another biotic blast at her. "It isn't every day I get to battle inside of a volcano!"

 _What? A volcano? Ugh…that's why it's so fucking hot here…_ she grumbled internally, moving to better cover, giving her enough time to focus on her barriers. As she heard him near, she flipped over her cover and fired a shot into the krogan's own barriers; she burst through them momentarily and got a clean shot in on the staggered krogan, but a swift backhand from him knocked her prone and propelled her shotgun from her reach.

Slightly dazed, she rolled to the side, narrowly avoiding the brunt of his blast, and charged into him again. He'd readied himself this time and only slid back a foot or so. In a single fluid motion, he tossed his shotgun to the side and pounced at Shepard. She pivoted on her foot and intercepted him with a biotic punch to the side of his knee, buckling him momentarily as he spun and knocked Shepard off balance with an elbow. She regained footing quickly enough to knock a biotic push aside and lunge forward, dropping a grenade in front of him as she rolled between his legs.

The explosion went off just as he managed to grab hold of her leg, knocking the krogan on top of her, his weight knocking the air out of her lungs. Shepard tried to scramble free from the roaring krogan's clutches; fortunately, he was too busy roaring and attacking her to hold her down effectively, but unfortunately, he'd gone into a blood rage and was furiously pounding at her. She focused on her biotics while trying to defend herself and get free, but it was easier said than done. Some support fire from Williams tore across the krogan's scalp, drawing his attention long enough for her to scamper away and get to her feet. _Gotta get some distance NOW!_

She blindly charged toward a nearby group of geth and threw a lift at them, sending the trio of machines floating into the air. She heard the thunderous stamps of the krogan behind her and rolled to the side of the geth. The krogan rammed full speed into the machines, sending the geth flying violently into the walls behind her. She pivoted out of the way of the krogan again, but ate a biotic push for her efforts, sending her tumbling across the rocky ground.

She shook herself off and rolled to the side, narrowly avoiding a bellyflopping krogan. She kicked at him as she got up and threw a biotic kick at him as he rose, twisting his head around a few degrees, sending blood spurting out of his mouth. She readied herself for a punch or a throw, or for his whole body, but didn't expect the krogan to biotically charge into her, sending her violently tumbling across the ground again. Her ribs made it distinctly clear as she got to her feet that they were at least fractured. She took a painful breath and spotted her shotgun nearby. She ran to it as fast as she could, the krogan giving chase in turn.

Shepard pulled out her pistol and fired a few shots at the knee she'd attacked earlier, sending the krogan stumbling long enough for her to grab her shotgun and dive out of the brute's way as he sailed over her shoulders. She raced back toward the prothean wall and the debris, hoping to find cover she could use to delay the krogan and mill him down.

Shepard pounced up the staircase and over to the debris pile where they'd fallen, spinning around long enough to see the krogan bound up toward her. She unleashed her full clip at the raging krogan, keeping him at a distance momentarily. Noticing he was preparing to charge, she vaulted over the railing back to the rocky ground and heard a loud crash behind her almost immediately.

Shepard spun and for once in the past two or so minutes, didn't see the krogan. She scanned her field of view frantically, and couldn't find it. _What?_ Shepard thought, half-panicked and half-relieved, but soon came to realize a large piece of debris was on the platform that wasn't there earlier. She raced back to the railway and spotted the krogan underneath a fallen walkway, dazed. She emptied another full set of shots into his face, leaving a crater where there was once a head.

 _Alright…Krogan battlemasters…don't fuck with them. Seriously. That was way too close…_ she thought, noticing for the first time that there wasn't any gunfire. She turned to see Tali and Williams approaching, looking no worse for wear.

"When I saw you were heading toward the wall, I sent Chiktikka to help you." Tali nervously stated as she got close, wringing her hands for a moment before willing herself to stop. "But then I saw a weak looking walkway and thought it might be a good thing to attack. She wouldn't hurt a krogan much, but she could damage a walkway's supports."

"I was wondering why you weren't firing at the geth." Williams remarked, before letting out a grin. "Though she saved your skin, Commander."

Shepard chuckled, wincing in pain all the while. "Yeah, well, I would have got him eventually. Krogans just take longer. Had it in the bag." She said playfully, turning to Tali. "But thanks. That was some smart decision making. Good work."

The trio walked across to the small entrance they'd made and one by one dropped themselves into the newly carved out hole. Shepard led them, slightly keeled over from the damage to her ribs, and found her way in a large elevator shaft as she crossed out the back of the cell.

"Huh. That must have been how they got some of the prisoners in their cells. And how they got up and down so easily." Shepard noted, walking over to a nearby terminal and pressing the top-most of the two available buttons. The elevator quickly made its way to the next floor. _So there's some evidence the protheans are jerks. Build the citadel and equip it with the slowest friggin' elevators ever, but their crappy hidden jails have the fastest things imaginable. Lame_. She pressed the button again, lifting them to Liara's level.

Shepard heard the asari cry out as she neared her and couldn't help but grin. _I shouldn't be amused, but she's kind of funny when she thinks she's hallucinating…_

"What…Oh Goddess, now I'm hallucinating that you are within the tower. I must be getting worse." The doctor said, sounding exasperated. "Earlier I imagined I heard thunder."

Shepard gave a regretful laugh at the remark, and bent over slightly to catch some air. _Yep, definitely some broken ribs. Hard to breathe with that._

"Yeah, we used a mining laser to bore through to another entrance." Shepard explained lightheartedly.

"You bored through with a…you're real, aren't you?" Liara asked, a choked sob following soon after. "You're real!"

Shepard could almost feel the relief emanate from the Doctor, and made her way to the terminal to switch the device off.

"I…I am so sorry. I thought you were a hallucination, I thought I was going mad…I must have sounded so foolish." She apologized as Shepard looked over the controls carefully.

"It's alright, Doctor. With this heat, I don't blame you at all. Now how do I get you down?" Shepard asked, a finger hovering over the buttons.

"The top left panel should…" Liara started as Shepard complied, the stasis field dropping immediately, sending the asari unceremoniously to the ground. "Ooof! That…thank you."

Shepard made her way over to Liara and helped her up, as thankful as she could possibly be that the doctor was wearing clothes that covered everything but her face, and that she was touching some type of latex rather than skin. _Last thing I need now is to touch her…I don't know if I could handle that…_ she thought, breathing a little heavier and her body warming even through the polite gesture.

"I'm just glad we could help." Shepard stated, hastily letting go of Liara as the asari got to her feet. "Any idea how to get out of here?"

"The elevator in the back of the tower should get us out of here…or at least near the top." Liara said distractedly. "Do you…hear that?" she asked, walking over to the edge of her cell where Shepard had met her. The other three followed and peered out. Shepard heard the rumbling first. Moments later she felt it, and saw the ground of the room they'd fought in beginning to crack and split violently. _FUCK._

"Run!" It was all she needed to say, as the four dashed to the elevator; Tali held her hand on the top button, sending the elevator rocketing upward. It would have made Shepard feel better if it wasn't noticeably hotter, and if the rumbling and explosions weren't getting nearer.

"First time I'm on a decent elevator and it's not fast enough…what the hell!" Shepard yelled out in frustration. "We reach the top, everyone books it, alright? Just fucking run!"

Tali and Williams nodded, and Liara gave her a look of sheer confusion, but there wasn't enough time to respond before the elevator came to a halt. Williams and Tali took off down the corridor, Shepard and Liara close behind. The entire ruins were shaking at this point, rocks and stalactites falling into their path, kicking dust and dirt up at them. Shepard raced down the paths behind Tali, but soon noticed she couldn't hear footsteps behind her anymore. She turned and saw Liara on her hands and knees, gasping for air, and dashed back to her, cursing her rib injury as pain laced through her body. Shepard quickly scooped Liara onto her right shoulder and held her there firmly as she dodged a falling rock. _Fuck, I can't fail now, I can't!_ _Fuck my body!_ She thought, running as fast as she could, feeling the intense heat growing by the second from both the activity beneath her and within her. _It's as if there's a god of misfortune out there and I have an alternate personality that worships it or something…honestly! This is seriously NOT the TIME for this shit!_

Shepard ignored as much of the pain as she could as she hurtled herself along the pathways. She heard a loud crash ahead of her, and within a few seconds came across a dilemma. The unsteady walkway they had weakened earlier had collapsed and fell. Tali and Williams had darted off ahead in the distance, continuing to safety. Shepard groaned from the pain and exhaustion, but took a few steps back to give herself some room, hoping she could make it across to the next platform.

"I am so sorry, Spectre." She heard Liara cry out from over her shoulder. She shook her head and sprinted forward, activating her biotic charge at the lip of the remaining walkway. She breathed a sigh of relief as her left foot landed ¾ onto the platform, giving her enough balance and forward momentum to keep going. She kept running, Tali and Williams soon out of view as she headed up the sloped mine shaft, the exhaustion threatening to halt her at any moment, the heat licking at her heels, a variety of explosions behind her letting her know that there was no time to catch a breather. _Fuck, I'm going to need a good meal after this!_

Shepard closed her eyes, took a steadying breath, and biotically charged forward. She took a few steps after, catching her balance, and breathed again before continuing to charge, repeating the process until they found themselves at the entrance to the mine. Each time, she struggled harder to breathe, taking in less oxygen. Each step was slower, clumsier than the last.

Shepard kept her legs moving as quickly as she could, though she could barely breathe. She saw the Normandy hovering low, the cargo entrance open, Williams and Tali on the ramp along with the rest of the squad, yelling for everyone to get inside. As she sluggishly reached the ramp, she heard an enormous explosion behind her, and felt her body collapse onto the rough metal flooring, sending Liara once again tumbling to the ground unceremoniously. _I can't feel my body…_

Hands of all sorts dragged her further inside as the Normandy rose from the ground. She saw Kaidan and Murakami carry a panicked Liara away and let herself just relax for a moment. The whole world smelled of ash, but she didn't care. _I've earned…a rest…_


	10. Dark Turn of Mind

Shepard's eyes fluttered open as a dull ache made itself known through her entire body. She stifled the urge to groan and closed her eyes; despite the nightmarish visions that had just been haunting her, she had no desire to talk with anyone quite yet, as she assumed would happen if she appeared to be wide awake in her bed. The sounds of the med bay soon became clearer; she could hear Chakwas ordering around both her assistants to help a number of others _. I guess Team Backdoor got a little banged up. Though if they're here, they'll definitely be fine._ She thought, subtly checking her range of motion in her extremities. _Alright. Everything works, that's good. And I suppose that cold feeling in my right arm is an IV. Damn good thing, it was hot down there. I probably sweat off half my bodyweight._ She mused, giving a tired sigh as she recalled her rush to the Normandy.

Moments later she froze, and couldn't help but move her hand somewhat sneakily to her ribs, finding only a sharp ache where there was once terrible pain _. I can breathe! Kind of…_ She thought, smiling. _Though, I wonder exactly how long I've been out…_

"Mandira, can you please wipe that absurd grin off the Commander's face? I'm too busy re-setting Garrus' shoulder at the moment." She heard Chakwas call out, which only brought Shepard to laughter. "Shepard, please. You need to give those ribs time to heal."

She calmed her laughter, regetting after the onset of pain; her eyes opened, spotting one of the medical assistants approaching trying to hide a smirk.

"How long have I been out?" she whispered to the assistant. _Mandira Rahman…I suppose I'll probably be seeing her a lot in the coming months._

"Only four hours. Which is why you really should try to lay still and let your body heal." Mandira noted, giving Shepard a mock chastising finger waggle. "And we'll need to keep the IV in for at least another hour to get you properly hydrated. I'll come by then with some nutrient paste, you're probably starving."

"Starving for real food, but I'll take what I can get, I guess." Shepard grumbled, turning her head to take in the sight of the room. Murakami had his left arm in a cast one bed over, Chakwas and Garrus were practically wrestling two beds over, and she spotted the bottom half of Liara far off on the third bed. _Nothing too serious then._

A loud crunch tore through the room, followed by the turian's legs flailing slightly. "Spirits, Chakwas! Gah!" Garrus yelled, practically leaping off the bed and away from the amused looking doctor. "That really hurt!"

"Well, it's better now, isn't it?" Chakwas asked, laughing under her breath at the scowling turian, busy nursing his shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the help, doc." He grumbled, marching out of the bay.

Chakwas shook her head, watching him leave, and made her way closer to Shepard. "Murakami, you can leave now if you'd like. Just be sure to keep the cast on and not use that hand in any fashion, am I clear?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks, Chakwas." He mumbled nervously, sliding off his bed.

"Just remember that you're due for a full medical in just over a month. I assume you won't be avoiding me in the future?" Chakwas warned, Shepard holding back her amusement at the sheepish looking marine scampering out of the room. _And then there were two…_

"And you, Shepard. Two missions, and both times you have required surgery. I hope this won't be an ongoing pattern." The doctor said, wearily. "I do prefer friendly visits to these…less than ideal scenarios, Commander."

"Well, I'm just happy we all got out of there with our lives. Thanks, doc. Don't know where we'd be without you." Shepard said, in part stating her mind, but also hoping to win some points with the doctor in hopes of being let go early.

"You'd be lying in a med-bay with broken ribs, lacking body fluids and nutrients. But I do appreciate the thought, Shepard. I assume the mission wasn't so pleasant?" she asked, opening her omni-tool and starting a body scan.

"Well, we fought some geth. Then fought more geth and a krogan in a volcano. Then we nearly died escaping it as it seemed to be getting ready to erupt. So…it wasn't very good. Hope I can avoid more of those in the future." Shepard stated playfully, toning it down as Chakwas looked at her with annoyance. "I'm thinking missions like that won't come across often, but I can't promise. As much as I'd like to." Shepard explained, offering a sympathetic smile.

"Well, just so long as you take the time to recuperate, and don't take any unnecessary risks, I think I'll be able to stomach it." Chakwas noted, her omni beeping as the scan completed. "Do you usually find yourself injured during your missions, Shepard?"

She tilted her head and thought back the last few years, from mission to mission and nodded. "Yeah, well, when you're on the front lines, you tend to take most of the punishment. I try to keep it to a minimum, but if me getting hurt means someone in my squad stays healthy, I'll take that, because I can. It's just what I do."

"Just don't become a martyr on me, Shepard. You're a nice girl, but…" Chakwas began, before Shepard waved her off.

"You don't need to give me the talk, Chakwas. Martyrs want to die, they just want a good reason kick the bucket, or some flashy exit. I want to live. I want to help." Shepard reasoned. "I'm here to protect people. Just because they signed up to do the same doesn't mean I can't help them too."

"Shepard, I checked over Gunnery Chief Williams and Tali, they barely had a scratch on them." Chakwas stated, giving Shepard the stink eye.

"And they've never fought a krogan up close before either. I was the only one with that kind of experience, it had to be me today." Shepard continued, hoping she was getting through and making sense. "And I know I need their help. I expect it, and I got it today from them. I want to train them so they'll be ready for anything, but they're green right now, and I'm not going to lose these kids to inexperience. That krogan would have killed them. I can handle some broken ribs if that's the alternative." She finished softly, feeling disturbed by the mental image of the krogan tearing through Williams and Tali. _I couldn't let that happen. I just couldn't._

"Just don't push yourself past your limits, Commander. You certainly risked that today." Chakwas noted, sitting down on the edge of the bed Murakami had vacated.

"I understand, doc. I'll do my best." Shepard said, knowing her escape had been far too close for comfort. "Anyway, how's Doctor T'Soni?"

"Heavily sedated." Chakwas noted with a sad smile. "She was rather panic stricken when she was brought here… I believe she thought you were dead. Joker's poor taste in comments didn't exactly help either."

Shepard imagined any of the plethora of things Joker would have been mad about and shook her head, smiling. "I'd laugh, but I DID kind of just collapse at the end, there." Shepard said sheepishly. "And Joker is a bit of an instigator."

"Well, for what it's worth, Miss T'Soni will be fine. She's very fortunate…she was so immensely dehydrated and exhausted that were she trapped in those ruins for another twelve hours, eighteen hours, she would have died. You saved her life, Shepard." Chakwas said, looking over at the unconscious asari.

"We saved her life. Everyone who went down there on Therum, you and your assistants…we did it." Shepard corrected her politely.

"Well, if you're handing out the credit, you can thank me with a bottle of Serrice Ice brandy." Chakwas said playfully, getting up off the bed.

"How long will it take her to recover?" Shepard asked, a thought coming to her mind.

Chakwas's gaze turned stony immediately. "Seven more hours minimum before she can wake. Longer for her to be allowed anything but bed rest."

Shepard cursed under her breath. "I wanted to do a full debrief. I guess I'll have to fit her in later. No worries." She said apologetically as Chakwas crossed her arms in front of her, looking at Shepard skeptically. "Honest! I'll be a good girl and just rest here until you let me out, then." She finished cheekily, drawing a smile from the doctor, who left and took a seat at her terminal.

 _Well, nothing can ever go quite to plan, but…I guess I'll have to have a one on one with Liara sometime later. That should be…terrifying._ She mused, closing her eyes and letting herself heal.

* * *

Shepard leaned up against the control terminal in the comm room, watching as the ground crew flocked in; Kaidan, Williams, and Murakami sitting on one side, while Garrus, Tali and Wrex sat on the other. _Interesting decisions…_ she thought, not entirely surprised considering how new some of the crew were to the Normandy, but still slightly disconcerting.

"Alright, I guess we should get started." Shepard began. "Joker, I hear you had a few choice words while I was down and out."

"The Normandy's not exactly equipped to land in exploding volcanoes, Commander. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull." He noted sarcastically. "Just for future reference."

"Point taken, Joker. How is the ship right now? I can't imagine it got out clean." Shepard asked, looking around the room.

"There was some damage to the hull…some of the panels will need to be replaced soon. Adams and the engineers and I…we've worked together a stopgap, but we'll need to repair it soon, or else we could lose the ability to travel by relay. Which would be bad if we're chasing Saren." Tali explained quickly. Shepard hoped she was fitting in well with the engineers. _And with Adams as team lead, I'm sure they'll be able to work miracles._

"Good to know we can go for a bit longer, but I'll try to make sure we stick around known repair yards. I don't see why we can't stop off at the Citadel soon enough, if we're running wounded." Shepard stated.

"Speaking of running wounded, Commander, what the hell happened back there in the mines? You almost died!" Williams blurted out angrily, her face flushed red.

"Key word being almost, Williams." Shepard replied playfully. "I'm fine. Just a wee bit exhausted."

"That asari could have killed you, Shepard. I had a bad feeling about this from the start, I knew we shouldn't have trusted her!" Williams yelled, waving her hands angrily in the air as she spoke, the full attention of the crew completely focused on her.

"Uh…I think I'm missing a piece of the puzzle here, Shepard. Why can't the doctor be trusted?" Kaidan asked, sounding more curious than anything.

"Her mom's helping Saren." Williams gritted out, facing Alenko. Shepard rolled her eyes and face palmed, expecting chaos to ensue. She was not disappointed in that regard.

"What? What do you mean her mom's working with Saren? What the hell for?" Murakami demanded.

"Let me in a room with her for a half an hour and I can find out what we need. Spent three years perfecting my interrogation skills, she'll crack fast, I promise." Garrus piped in, drawing a grunt from the krogan next to him.

"You be the good cop, and I can be the bad cop. Or we can both rake the whelp over the coals." Wrex chuckled, his deep voice shaking the room.

"Shepard, you're telling me I broke my arm for the enemy?" Murakami added, turning to her. "Why the hell weren't we informed of this? I thought you weren't about that need-to-know crap?!" Shepard stood silent, waiting a few moments for tempers to drop slightly before dropping her hand back to her side.

"Murakami, this wasn't need to know. It just didn't matter." Shepard stated slowly, drawing each syllable out.

"Shepard, I left C-Sec to get away from this bureaucratic tripe. Please, explain." Garrus asked, his expression stony.

"I was handed a tip a few nights ago from a contact who claimed that Saren's partner had a daughter. Saren was searching for her. He wanted her prothean expertise for himself and to further coerce his partner's cooperation. Saren's partner, a certain highly esteemed asari Matriarch, hasn't allied with anyone nearly as terrible as Saren in her hundreds of years, so the idea is that she's forced somehow. My contact gave me an idea of where Liara was, in hopes that we could find her, communicate to this Matriarch that her daughter is safe, and get her out of Saren's control. Boom, he loses huge influence and resources, we get help with prothean stuff." Shepard explained, her head starting to pound.

"And you didn't tell us this…why?" Kaidan asked succinctly.

"Well, you obviously told Williams, so why not spread the word, Shepard?" Garrus added, sounding slightly less miffed.

"Because it wasn't important. I'm not going to lie to you, but I'm not going to tell you every little bit of information floating around in my head. Fact is, you proved I made a good call. You heard the Matriarch is working with Saren, and you lay all this blame on Liara as if she's her mother. That's the last thing you needed going into this mission. It could make you sloppy, less motivated, and it just didn't matter. We were going after her, Saren was going after her, and she was a valuable resource that we stole from Saren's grasp. You want to lay guilt on her? Let's hear your evidence. I want to take down Saren as bad as anyone, but it doesn't do any good to scapegoat the Doctor." Shepard asked the room, focusing mostly on a fidgeting Williams.

"She almost got you killed, Shepard." Williams muttered, shaking her head. She understood the marine's anger, but it wasn't justified. _Welp, here I go…_

"Williams, I got hurt fighting that krogan…" Shepard began, before a thunderous voice interrupted her.

"You WHAT?!" Wrex demanded, rising to his feet. Shepard gave him a shit-eating grin in response.

"Oh, right. I fought a krogan battlemaster." She said as smug as she could manage, rubbing her knuckles on her collarbone in jest. "Wasn't so bad, really. His biotics were just 'meh'. Only got a broken rib or two. It was kind of forgettable, I've fought stronger." She finished, having fun riling the old krogan up. She noticed Tali giggling at the performance, Wrex entirely unaware as he glared at Shepard intensely.

Wrex slammed himself back down on his seat. "Shepard, I swear, one day you'll see the real might of the krogan. You'll be in awe. Pray that it's not on the battleground against me."

"Sure, Wrex." Shepard answered, feigning innocence. "Anyway, Williams, I got those broken ribs myself, and I told everyone to run when the whole place was blowing up. I was slower because of it, and Doctor T'Soni was in no shape to run at all. It would have been close with or without her. Besides, we used the laser that probably caused the whole thing to blow in the first place."

She'd sworn she heard Wrex grumble about missing out on the laser as well, but ignored him for the moment.

"A laser that just so happened to be there, Shepard?" Williams asked, skeptical.

"It was an excavation. They needed to dig that ruin out somehow. Look, there's no way Liara was a trap, or a spy. She would have died if she was left in there for a few more hours, Chakwas can confirm that if you'd like. Would an asari Matriarch risk her daughter's life for the minor chance we happen to figure out where she was? If we chose the other planet, she'd be dead. Period. There wasn't any point bringing up her mother, because there was no benefit in giving that information at the time. I didn't want a distraction, I didn't want unnecessary suspicion, and I didn't want reckless behaviour. I needed an efficient team, and you didn't disappoint. Can you tell me you'd absolutely fight the same if you knew beforehand?" Shepard reasoned, taking a moment to catch her breath. "Look, if you disagree with me on this, fine. We can talk about it now, or later, or whenever, but that's my reasoning. We got what we came for. This could be a huge win, and there's one less person that Saren can kill or capture in the galaxy."

"Understood, Commander." Kaidan replied, nodding slowly. Murakami followed suit, while Garrus seemed to offer a nod in begrudging approval.

Williams just shrugged, still looking upset. "I guess so, Skipper."

"Alright, is there anything anyone wants to bring up?" Shepard asked, receiving silence. "Alright then. Good work sealing the deal, everyone. Couldn't have done it without you. Dismissed."

"Mission reports filed, Commander." Joker announced before his comm channel cut off.

 _Good. Hopefully the rest of the council doesn't have a hissyfit. I think we did good…_ she thought, watching everyone file out of the small, round room. _I should talk to Ash a little later. Maybe tomorrow. This headache would probably be a bit much, right now…I think I should lie down again for a while…_

* * *

Liara sat high up in her bed, propped up against her pillows, as she scrolled through the datapad Chakwas had given her. She'd never been one to sit around doing nothing, and quickly found herself bored upon waking. Her fingers danced across the small piece of tech, searching through the last series of information she had uploaded to a personal account. _Nothing…not only is the physical research I accumulated on Therum destroyed, I cannot use the preliminary data in my research. The university will not be pleased…_ she thought, switching over to popular asari news channels in hopes of finding anything particularly relevant to her situation. _That krogan on Therum said my mother sent him, but mother would never do that. She would always send her acolytes…this is so confusing…_

Liara laid the datapad down and let herself sink into her pillows, enjoying the rest. It was a pleasant change from being forcefully suspended in stasis. _Perhaps Aunt Tevos learned Saren was attempting to trick me into his custody, and would then blackmail mother…perhaps this was under mother's orders? She…hasn't contacted me in years, and perhaps this was her way of protecting me without actually communicating with me._

She closed her eyes and let out a tired sigh, unable to fool herself. _No, that couldn't be. We did not part on good terms, and she has cut me off entirely. There would be very little chance of that. But…_ Liara bolted forward as worry began to overtake her. _But if Tevos is attempting to help me, that would be going against mother's wishes. I had sent many messages to her in attempt to gain an audience in the past years, and all were denied. Why would Tevos do such a thing now? It is such a risk, it could be construed as betrayal, even! I…oh Goddess, I hope I haven't caused her trouble. She was always so kind to me…_

The med-bay doors slid open, interrupting Liara's thoughts for a moment as the Commander entered, appearing pained and exhausted. She felt relief at seeing the Commander up and moving around so quickly, especially after how dire it had seemed when she'd collapsed on the ramp of the ship. Liara was surprised at the size of the human woman; without her armor, she looked much smaller. It was hard to imagine the woman carrying her out of the ruins.

"Commander, I must thank you for saving my life…and not just from the volcano. If you hadn't shown up… those geth would have killed me, or dragged me off to some unspeakable fate. Or the heat and dehydration would have worn me away." Liara said, hoping to help the woman feel better. The Commander took residence in the bed beside her and stretched out, taking a moment to get comfortable.

"It's fine, really. Don't worry about it." She said dismissively, her focus squarely on a medical screen across the room. "You…look much better. How are you feeling? Must have been hellish down there."

Liara couldn't help but find the woman's behavior curious. When she had first spoken to her, the Commander had been focusing almost entirely on her, but now, she seemed distracted, evasive. _I would have thought a compliment on her abilities would cheer her up…perhaps I was mistaken…and she can hardly say I look better when she's not looking in my direction, can she? Do humans have extraordinary peripheral vision? I wouldn't imagine so but…_

"Doctor Chakwas assures me that I am going to be fine. I was impressed with her knowledge on asari physiology. I still feel weak, for certain, but I am quite lucid." Liara stated, resting back on her pillows again. "I fear I was rather uncooperative at first, and… was only made less so when your pilot made some rather disparaging remarks. I apologize for my behaviour."

She heard a stifled giggle over to her side and saw the Commander smirking. "Yeah, Joker's a bit of a wildcard. It's kind of how he communicates, really. But he pulled our asses out of there, I figure he's earned a few 'disparaging remarks'."

"I…see. It must be a human thing. I don't have a lot of experience dealing with your species, Commander." Liara spoke, unsure of why a high ranking officer would condone such behavior. If there was one thing she was increasingly sure of, it was that humans were confusing. _So many shades of skin, varying types of facial structure, builds, fur colour and distribution…there is so much variation between them. That they are split into two other categories of male and female only makes it more troublesome…_

"Look, I'm happy you're doing better. Doctor Chakwas really knows what she's doing and it's a credit to her that you're doing as well as you are. I just…needed to ask you a few questions." Shepard began, trepidation audible in her voice. "When was the last time you communicated with the Matriarch?"

Liara was pleased that the human addressed her mother by her formal title, as befitting her status. "I last spoke to her nearly a decade ago." She said quietly, recalling her final argument with Benezia over her studies and chosen career path. Simply recognizing the time they'd spent apart made her heart ache.

"A…decade ago? I…what? I don't understand. How old are you?" the woman asked, appearing entirely confused. Liara couldn't help but blush in embarrassment over her lack of years.

"I hate to admit it, but I am only a hundred and six." Liara stated, turning her focus away from the Commander. "A century may seem like a long time to such a short-lived species such as yours but…among asari, I am barely considered an adult."

"I'm sorry…totally skipped my mind that you live for millennia. But still…a decade? That's a long time between meeting up." Shepard noted bluntly, finally turning to look at her. "I mean…if I have to go a few months without seeing my family, I'm probably not going to be the happiest person."

"The Matriarch and I had a number of disputes over my future. They did not end well." Liara noted sadly. She hated reliving those memories, and forced her mind to empty.

"So you've had a few squabbles, and you just gave up?" Shepard asked derisively, prompting Liara to face the Commander again, in utter disbelief at how rude her statement was. _Perhaps it's more appropriate for humans to say such things in their culture?_

"It was more than mere squabbles, Commander. Perhaps you are not aware of the pressures placed on the daughters of Matriarchs, especially ones such as her. People expected me to follow in her footsteps. They wanted me to become a leader of our people as she is. Matriarchs guide their followers into the future…they seek the truth of what is yet to come." Liara explained, feeling a little self-conscious under the gaze of the Commander. "She wanted a career for me in politics, a busy life within her social circles, and felt my forays into the secrets of the past were foolish and trivial for a daughter of such an esteemed Matriarch. For years she entertained my interest in the protheans, but… she eventually lost patience. She demanded I cease my research and when I decided to remain under the employment of the University of Serrice, she…decided it was best to cut me off until I came to my senses. This was to be my last research work under the university before my contract expired, before they would let me go due to the Matriarch's influence."

"And you couldn't work out a compromise?" Shepard asked, seemingly baffled.

"Compromise with a Matriarch? One does not question Matriarchs in such matters. I am incredibly surprised that Councilor Tevos has offered to help me, considering the Matriarch has likely forbidden it. She could come under great scrutiny for doing so." Liara continued, hoping some of the information she was giving was sinking in with the Commander.

"That just sounds so…I don't know. I probably shouldn't judge, so I'll just shut up." Shepard said, shaking her head slightly. "Look, fact is, your mother's working with Saren. Now that I know there's a…rift between you two, there's very little chance she hid you on Therum to keep you safe from Saren, so…that means she's probably working with him willingly. Before, Tevos was pretty sure that the Matriarch was being coerced. Can you give me any reasons why she'd be doing this?"

Liara stifled a laugh at the notion that a Matriarch could be coerced. _Especially mother…there is no being in the galaxy that could coerce her…_ "I apologize, Commander, I am not entirely aware of who this Saren is. All I have been able to gather from the extranet is that he is responsible for an attack on a human colony." Liara noted, unsure why her mother would ally with someone such as that turian. "My mother…the Matriarch Benezia, has always been outspoken about the need for asari to become more involved in shaping galactic events, in fostering peaceful cooperation, and she has never actively pushed for unjust violent measures. Maybe she thought by allying herself with Saren that she could steer him toward more peaceful endeavours, or maybe she felt it would serve the greater good in the long run? I am not sure what her motivations are, Commander. All I can say is that it is not like her to ally with Saren. I am sorry that I cannot offer more. I have no idea where she is, or what she is doing."

Shepard scooted up against her pillows into more of a sitting position, nodding at Liara's words as she spoke, seemingly deep in thought.

"Doctor T'Soni, I…this must seem really strange. I just have a hard time believing she wouldn't want you researching protheans when she was involved in a raid on a prothean beacon herself. That's why they attacked Eden Prime." Shepard said, covering her mouth to yawn.

"But…that does not make any sense. She derided the protheans as a dead, useless species, irrelevant to modern thought and practices, inherently separated from what was to be sought in the future. Why would she seek out a prothean beacon?" Liara asked, her mind racing over why her mother would do such a thing. _Why wouldn't she contact me for help? Why…oh…but, she would have sent Shiala, or another acolyte, certainly. This is so confusing…does she truly hate me so? Oh, mother…_

"Because Saren needed to access it, I think. They're searching for some Conduit thing, which is probably prothean as well." The woman replied monotonously.

"I can assure you that my mother could have had my cooperation quite easily if she had wanted it, Commander. She would only need to send one or two of her acolytes to find me, and I would have gone willingly. That she did not, and Saren sent geth and krogan instead…I cannot believe she wanted me to join her. There must be some reason why she is with Saren, but would also want to distance herself from me further." Liara rambled, trying to hide the sadness from her voice. She wasn't sure she'd been successful, but her head began to hurt from all the confusion and the revelations. _I would have listened, mother, if you had come back to me! If you would have allowed me be in your grace again…I do not understand why you've done this…I just don't…_ she thought, fighting back against her emotions. _Focus, Liara, back to the topic._ "Did you…see the beacon before Saren took it?"

"Oh, he didn't take it." The woman chuckled. "He tried to blow it up, along with the rest of the colony after he'd accessed it. My team and I managed to disable the bombs, but the beacon kind of blew up on me anyway."

Liara sat up, surprised that beacons might have self-defense mechanisms. _But…they were built for communication, storage…only accessible to protheans, usually. No need for defenses…_

"Why would it explode on you?" she asked skeptically, finding it difficult to believe the human.

"Alenko, one of my Lieutenants, wandered a little too close. It pulled him toward it, I knocked him out of the way, and it kind of burnt a vision into my brain. Then, deciding it hadn't caused enough trouble, it exploded." The woman grumbled, staring at the ceiling. However, when Liara swung her legs over the side of the bed and attempted to stand, the human was immediately on her feet, gently guiding her back onto the bed, looking strangely apprehensive.

"Gotta keep to bed rest, doc. Chakwas wouldn't be happy if I let you walk around." The human said softly, appearing to be sweating for some reason, and her hands were noticeably shaking when she backed away to the bed she was on moments ago. _She must be exhausted from the mission as well. I wonder if Doctor Chakwas is aware she's up and walking around? Perhaps I should inform her later…_

"Visions…yes, but…prothean beacons were designed to transmit information directly into the mind of the user…Finding one that is still functional is very rare!" Liara stated excitedly, her mind going over the possibilities of what the beacon could have contained.

"Doctor, you've written about prothean extinction right? What can you tell me about it?" the Commander asked politely, for once.

"Yes. I…you mentioned a 'Conduit' that Saren was looking for…I know of it by name only, but it appears to be linked to the prothean extinction in some way. Unfortunately, there is very little evidence surrounding their demise. I have spent the past fifty years trying to figure out what happened to them." Liara explained, running over her findings and memories in her head.

"That seems like a hell of a long time to study one topic. I'm not even thirty years old, and I feel like I've been doing my job forever." The woman joked, lightening her mood slightly.

"Well, unfortunately, it is deemed quite a short amount of time for asari scholars. That is why my research has not received the attention it deserves. Other scholars tend to dismiss my theories on what happened to the protheans strictly due to my age. It is…unfortunate." Liara stated sadly.

"I take it you found something useful?" the human asked curiously, leaning forward as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"It is more on what I haven't found, Commander. The problem with performing research in this field is that the protheans left remarkably little behind, meaning only traces of evidence are ever recovered. It is almost as if someone did not want the mystery solved, as if someone came along after the protheans were gone, and cleansed the galaxy of clues." Liara explained, feeling more at home discussing this than her mother's activities.

"Sounds understandable. We barely know anything about the protheans, it's not too far-fetched to think they covered their tracks, or someone else did." The woman stated bluntly, though Liara was a little unnerved at the pained expression that had been forming on the human's face. _Am I boring her? Or making her uncomfortable? Hrm…_

"One thing I have discovered is that, at least according to my findings, the Protheans were not the first galactic civilization to mysteriously vanish. This…cycle…began before them. Subtle patterns began to emerge, patterns that hinted at the truth…although I cannot point to a single specific thing to prove my case. It is more a feeling derived from a half-century of dedicated research." Liara rambled. She knew she was rambling, but the Commander seemed interested, so she decided it would be appropriate to continue anyway. "Eventually, I will be able to prove it. There were other civilizations before the protheans, the cycle has repeated itself many times over. We have found space-age technology from a number of extinct species, but no signs of their fossils, their civilizations, their history…it cannot be a coincidence. It is just difficult to prove, because there is barely any evidence on the protheans, and even less on other species who came before them, but I know I am right!"

"A cycle? I'm no scientist, but I'd like to try and understand." The woman stated, staring at Liara intently. _Her eyes shift colour under the light…that is rather peculiar, although not unpleasant…though I wish she would stop staring at me like that, it's quite harsh…is she in pain?_

"The…the galaxy is built on a cycle of extinction. Each time a great civilization rises up, it is suddenly and violently cast down. Only ruins survive. The protheans, for instance, rose up from a single world until their empire spanned the entire galaxy. Yet, even they climbed to the top on the remains of who came before." Liara continued, appreciating the Commander's enthusiasm. It was rare for anyone to take interest in the protheans, or be willing to listen to her speak about them for longer than a minute or two. "Their greatest achievements, the mass relays and the Citadel, are based on the technology of those who came before them."

"Figured it was too much of a discrepancy. No way the protheans made slow elevators on the Citadel, and then made fast ones on Therum. I can understand that, yeah." The woman muttered, drawing a laugh from Liara. _To reduce the argument down to…elevators…although she does have a point on that specific comparison._

"Indeed. So it proceeded that the protheans suddenly disappeared. Somehow. I have dedicated my life to figuring out why." Liara finished, smiling at her own accomplishments. _It's good to remind yourself of successes, when in dark times…_

The Commander sat silently on the edge of her bed, pondering something as she nursed the side of her head.

"Doctor, what you just said made a lot of sense. A scary amount of sense." The woman noted quietly.

"I assure you, my peers would state otherwise." Liara said playfully, deflecting the compliments. She appreciated them, but the subject matter wasn't likely something the human woman could fully grasp considering her inexperience.

"Well, they haven't seen what I have, and I'm going to agree with you." The human mentioned firmly, but her voice still rather quiet. "I've been getting these headaches…"

"It is expected that your brain would have trouble recovering after coming in contact with the beacon. Have you spoken to Doctor Chakwas about this?" Liara asked, hoping the beacon hadn't damaged the Commander too badly.

"I have, and there's nothing she can do about it. She gives me some meds that help reduce its effect, but it's kind of intense still. But when I'm having these headaches, my mind's going crazy. I always need to focus on something, because if I don't, my brain goes back and relives that vision the beacon gave me. I can't escape it in my sleep either. It's always there, and over time, it's gotten clearer." The Commander said, focusing back on Liara who was hanging on her every word. "And while it's a huge mess, and I still don't understand much of it at all, I know slaughter when I see it. The beacon…I think it sent me a warning. They were being annihilated."

Liara's eyes opened wide at the admission. _She…she recognized part of the vision? But how…even still, this might not mean much but…it could be the key! It could be proof that they were struck down by another civilization, but…but who?_

"You…you are sure of this?" Liara stammered out, her body shaking with some mixture of anticipation and excitement. "You can understand part of the beacon's message?"

"Like I said, parts of it don't make any sense to me, but I saw an organic race slaughtered horrifically by this monstrously huge machine race…we think they're called the Reapers. The geth revere them as gods. Saren and the Matriarch…they're trying to bring them back. That's why this whole thing is happening, and I have no idea why they would ever want to do this." The Commander said, looking downcast and pained. She understood the apprehension of having to deal with a geth army and a combination of a Spectre and her mother, but she couldn't help but be increasingly fascinated by the human woman. _If only I could see into her mind, view that vision! Someone who actually TOUCHED a prothean beacon, and lived, and has some clear understanding of it! This could be a huge find…she would be perfect for an in-depth case study!_

"I…am amazed you were able to make sense of the beacon's message at all! A lesser mind would have been destroyed in the process. You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander." Liara said, in awe of the fact that she only escaped the beacon with headaches and nightmares. Many researchers of asari and salarian birth had tried to access beacons in the past, only to fall victim to the effects of the incompatibility, often leading to permanent brain damage. _Perhaps if I accesses it through her brain, if would be a less foreign interface, and the signal would be less volatile…it would give me a chance at dissecting the vision and finding clues to the prothean extinction! She…she could be the evidence I've been waiting for…_

The human blushed immediately and began scratching the back of her neck nervously. _Is she nervous, or perhaps there's been a minor hemorrhaging around her skull from the effects of the beacon, I should…oh, it's gone now…I wonder if she has an itch, or if there's a tight muscle._ _Perhaps I shall offer a massage in exchange for more information on the beacon's message later…best to insure she's not mentally taxed or feeling too much strain from the effects of the beacon…_

"Anyway, Commander, I am grateful you brought me aboard. I cannot think of anywhere safer from Saren than here on your ship. My…knowledge… on the protheans may be useful in the future as well." Liara blurted out, seeing the Commander rise from the bed.

"And you have some biotic training, right?" the woman asked, receiving a quick nod from Liara. "Good. Just rest up, and please head out tomorrow to the mess hall and get something to eat. I want to make sure you meet the crew."

The prospect of meeting the crew had her at unease; she'd never been the fondest of crowds, or large groups of people. She liked her alone time, it led to less blunders on her behalf. _Still, if it helps prove the Commander that I'm trustworthy, then maybe in the future, I could be allowed to make sense of the vision…hrm…_

"I…I will. Thank you for everything, Commander." Liara called out after the retreating human. The woman just shrugged and waved silently, before exiting through the doors, leaving her alone in the med-bay.

She flopped back down onto the bed, though the pillows weren't so comforting anymore. Not with the knowledge that her mother was doing something unimaginable and potentially in danger. Not with the revelation of the prothean's demise fresh in her mind. Not with the new interest in the ship's Commander racing through her thoughts. _Even though she was a bit rude…_

_I fear sleep may not come tonight._


	11. Trembling Hands

Shepard leaned against the elevator's railing, blinking the sleep from her eyes. It had been another short night for her in terms of slumber; the visions from the beacon were getting more vivid, twisting her own memories in at times, which only made it that much more terrifying. She shook her head clear of the memory of Amaterasu on fire and tried to focus on the slow, clunking gears carrying the elevator down to the cargo bay.

Instead she found herself returning to the previous night's conversation with the prothean researcher. The discussion had gone both better and worse than she had hoped. Better in that she knew fully that Liara was being honest, that she had nothing to do with Saren, and that she could be a great help in the future with her knowledge. _She also didn't make sexual advances at me, which was a definite plus…_ she thought, though she knew it wouldn't necessarily make things easier. While some good came out of their talk, knowing Liara was disconnected from the Matriarch was troublesome, and might place her in danger if she were to hand her over to Tevos, especially knowing that trying to rescue Liara may have landed the councilor in hot water. _And I'm pretty sure her enthusiasm over the beacon and her damned soul-trapping eyes are going to give me some trouble. No idea how I'm going to be able to be around her for the next few weeks…or months, if it comes to that…_

The doors opened, and Shepard marched out quickly, her primary purpose able to distract her away from thoughts of the asari. She knew Ashley's shift and had decided to drop by and have a bit of a chat with the gunnery chief, hoping to smooth things over after the debrief. Wrex and Garrus would be busy working on the Mako, so they'd have the place to themselves.

She stopped a few feet away from Williams, who was busy taking apart an assault rifle for cleaning. If she knew Shepard was there, she wasn't showing it.

"Williams, can we talk?" Shepard asked, calmly and simply, slowly moving to lean on the lockers.

Williams kept working, her hands deftly dissecting the weapon, each movement efficient and fluid. "I'm a bit busy right now, ma'am. Can it wait?" she asked, still carrying some frustration from the previous day.

"I'd prefer to clear the air a bit right now, chief. I'll help you catch up when we're done." Shepard said, looking sidelong at the young marine.

"I'd prefer you stop almost getting yourself killed, but I guess we're safe from that here." Williams snapped, before her face dropped. "…Ma'am."

"Point taken, Williams. I could have handled Therum better." Shepard said, pausing to figure out how to say what she wanted to say. "I should have handled it better. I know you're upset at me, so you have permission to speak freely. Lay it on me."

Williams turned and looked at Shepard skeptically. "I think I made my opinion clear in the comm room yesterday, skipper." The marine noted, sitting on the table and crossing her arms. "I've seen you on Eden Prime and Therum and…you're reckless. I already lost the 212. I don't want to lose humanity's first Spectre, or the opportunity you gave me."

The fire in Williams' eyes had died down to embers as concern overtook frustration on the marine's face.

"I made a lot of mistakes down there, I'm not happy about them. Trust me, I don't mean to be reckless, it's just…" Shepard started, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted without being condescending. "I'm more experienced. I've gone to hell and back and have souvenirs to prove it. You, Kaidan, Tali…you haven't. Sometimes I get this idea in my mind that only I can do something, that I need to protect you all from it, and that's where I tend to go solo. Happened with the krogan. I should have trusted you more, and in the end, you two saved my skin."

"Shepard, I joined the Alliance to serve and protect. I'm glad you get it, just…let me do that. You said it yourself, you put the world on your back. I know it's easy to think it's all your responsibility, but this mission is bigger than a prothean expert. I don't want you killing yourself over small stuff, because then who's going to stop Saren?" Williams said, holding the ammo cartridge for the rifle in her hand.

"Ash, without some prothean know-how, I might not be able to figure this vision out. Meanwhile, Saren has resources and options to get closer to his goals. It's not Liara's fault that Therum was a close call. It would have been close no matter how we swung it, and if we left her to Saren, she'd be dead or taken, at no risk to that damn bastard." Shepard noted, hoping she was making some sense.

"I…I know Shepard. I guess it's better that she's with us than with that turian asshole." Williams said quietly. "Just remember that the rest of us…we're here to help you, too. You didn't need to try and save her all by yourself. I don't want to worry about you dying every mission."

"Like I said, I made mistakes. I can't promise they won't happen again, but I'll do my best. It's only fair I let you bear some of my burden if I'm bearing part of yours. I didn't work as part of a team down there, and I didn't let you know my ribs were shot either. It put things at risk, and it was stupid of me. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to get out of that volcano." Shepard noted. "So I officially apologize for that."

Williams let out a sigh of relief. "This is just weird. If I said what I said to any of my old commanding officers, I would have been…well, it would have been bad. Now you're here apologizing to me?"

"Luckily I'm not one of your old COs. But I'll always own my mistakes Williams. You can expect that from me, and I'll expect that from you." Shepard joked, chuckling. "But seriously, Williams. Is there anything else?"

"I…well, I know things are different aboard the Normandy, but…I'm concerned about the aliens. Vakarian and Wrex, really. With all due respect, Shepard, should they have full access to the ship?" Ashley asked, seeming a little on edge and nervous.

"They're not Alliance, but they're allies, at least as far as Saren goes." Shepard stated, almost amused at Williams' omission of Tali in the list.

"This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance navy. I don't think we should give them free reign to poke around the vital systems. Engines, sensors, weapons." Williams debated, holding her ground.

"Well, I'll agree that they probably shouldn't be poking around vital systems, especially if they can't seem to fix my glorious Mako…" Shepard began with a grin, before stopping as Williams cast a stony glare in her direction. "Seriously, though. I'm not taking offense, just wondering why you don't trust the Alliance's allies."

"I'm not sure I'd call the council races allies. We, humanity, have to learn to rely on ourselves." Williams stated passionately. Shepard rubbed her face in disbelief.

"Williams, we can stand up for ourselves without standing alone…" Shepard began, before the chief cut her off.

"Look, I don't think we should turn down allies, it's just that we shouldn't bet everything on them staying allies. As noble as the council members seem now, if their backs are against the wall, they'll abandon us." Williams reasoned. "If you're fighting a bear, and the only way for you to survive is to sic your dog on it and run, you'll do it. As much as you love your dog, it isn't human."

"Williams, if I ever come across a bear, I'll be sure to call you up for pointers. But…I don't know. People tend to look out for their own, but I don't think it's universal like that. It happens, sure, especially with politicians, but regular people? Hard to say. I like to be an optimist on that regard. I like to think people can work together and not be dictated by species when push comes to shove." Shepard stated, a little confused and baffled over Williams' example. "I mean, if a turian and a quarian got married or whatever they call it, and the turian had the opportunity to save the quarian partner, or a random turian, I think they'd save their partner. Love's a lot more universal, I think, and I figure friendship and trust can be as well, instead of something like racism."

"It's not racism, not really. Members of their species will always be more important to them than humans are." Williams' words stumbled out as the marine grew increasingly flustered.

"Easy, Williams. Not saying you're racist. Just saying…these beliefs of yours seem pretty deeply held. What brought you to that conclusion?" Shepard said, her voice calmer and softer, hoping to ease the marine's worries.

"My family's defended the Alliance since it was founded. My father, grandfather, great-grandmother…they all picked up a rifle and swore the oath of service. I…guess we just tend to think of Earth's interests as our own." Williams explained, sheepishly.

"I suppose it doesn't help you've been away from aliens for pretty much forever. Can't really blame you for that combination of thought processes." Shepard said. "Where have you served, anyway? What kind of work? At least, before Eden Prime."

"Mostly groundside on colonies, as part of the service garrison forces. I…did get a rotation on a space station for training, though. Every marine a rifleman, every rifleman ZG certified." Williams stated quickly with poorly feigned pride, drawing Shepard's interest. _That's weird…just one rotation?_

"Williams, that doesn't sound right. Haven't really looked too close at your record, since Anderson was the one who officially brought you on, but I didn't notice anything bad on your record, and your technical scores are damn impressive. Any reason why you weren't with the fleet?" Shepard asked, curious as to why Williams would be serving in small, low-responsibility garrisons.

"Uh…just some bad luck, I guess." Williams stammered out nervously.

"You mentioned you have a family history in the Alliance…should count for something, considering all the bureaucracy. Anyone I'd know?" Shepard asked, feeling she was onto something, but not wanting to push the marine too hard.

"Can't say, Shepard. Just regular people, trying to carry on the tradition." Williams spoke, her left hand shaking slightly. "You…have family of your own? I mean, you told me a little about your sister, but your parents must be proud. N7 and humanity's first Spectre?"

Shepard shrugged, formulating a plan to maybe coax some trust out of the younger marine with the opportunity. "No parents. Decent chance my mom died giving birth to me. Grew up an orphan. Even if they're alive, I'm not sure I'd want to meet them. Maybe once upon a time, but they wouldn't mean anything to me now. Still kind of have my sister, and my chosen family, the crew."

"I…had no idea, Shepard. I'm sorry." Williams said, concern clearly audible in her voice.

"It's totally fine, but thanks. I just figured I'd let you know, because I have a bit of a different perspective on things than you probably do. Blood relation isn't something I have in my life, it's nothing that's special to me right now. Instead, I find good people to be part of my family, and that's who I find important. If it's a human, great, but it could be a turian, a quarian, a krogan…I didn't grow up with this magical admiration for humanity, Williams. I saw the people who claimed to care for humanity the most…and I saw them do terrible things. Unforgivable things." Shepard explained. "I figure, we're more than just human. It's just one part of me, and it's unfair to reduce people to that. We're these weird, intricate bundles of abilities and emotion and experiences, and I don't think any species in the galaxy is built all that different, in the end."

Shepard finished rambling and glanced over at a pensive looking Williams. "In the end, I can see why you'd feel iffy about other species, but this mission is complex and we need as much help as we can get. You're going to have to work with them, like it or not. I just ask that you try and get to know them, even one of them. You might find you've got more in common than you'd think."

"It won't be a problem, Shepard. You say 'jump', I say 'how high'? You tell me to kiss a turian, I'll ask which cheek." Williams noted playfully.

"Good to hear, although I don't think that second part would ever happen. Not sure they have cheeks…mandibles, sure…" Shepard said, pushing off from the lockers. "Anyway, are we good?"

"I just wanted to apologize for the scene in the comm room, Commander. It was unprofessional to break your order like that." Williams stated firmly.

Shepard shook her head and shrugged. "Look, what's done is done. It was never an order to begin with, it was just a personal request. Can't do anything about it now, just let everyone know that if I hear negative gossip about Doctor T'Soni regarding her link to her mother…well, it won't be a good time. Alright?"

"Aye aye, ma'am." Williams stated, putting her hands on her hips. '"Now, how about that help you promised, Commander?"

* * *

Shepard was relieved to have settled things out with Williams; she liked the young marine and was hoping to see her grow under her watch. She also didn't mind cleaning rifles for a while, as it helped distract her from the plethora of thoughts swirling through her head that she didn't want to entertain or engage. Unfortunately, midway through catching up, she'd been called to the comm room by Joker, stating someone was requesting to speak with her. _Probably Tevos. I wonder if I should bring Liara in…no, I think I should question her a bit alone. Figure out where to go from here._

She moved into the empty circular room and made her way to the console, activating her end of the connection.

"This is Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy." Shepard stated into the comms, waiting impatiently for a response. When it came, the voice caught her off guard; she didn't recognize it at all.

"Commander, this is Rear Admiral Kahoku, Systems Alliance. I was recently made aware that your ship was traveling through Artemis Tau. Is that still the case?" the admiral asked quickly. Shepard, still a bit surprised by the fact it wasn't Tevos on the line, could barely register a coherent answer.

"Oh…yes sir. We're a few hours out from the relay. I'll be honest, I was planning on heading back to the Citadel, our ship's in need of repairs, but if you have something quick along the way, I'd be glad to help." She stated, fumbling over her thoughts, trying her best to be formal. _Never was good at speaking to the higher-ups._

"I would appreciate that, Commander. I understand you're on a mission of utmost importance as-is, so I wouldn't send you on anything I felt you couldn't handle." The admiral started, sounding thankful. "I've been blocked off by red tape for the last few months, and I was hoping you could bypass some of that for me. A recon group of mine went into the Sparta system in search of a missing operative, Armistan Banes. They kept communications with me until they found something near Edolus, where they went silent. Neither the Alliance nor the Council will agree to send someone to check on them."

Shepard stroked her chin, curious as to why this was so important. "How long have they been missing?"

"Banes for three weeks. My recon group for just over one. Both in the same system. Something's out there, and I need to know what. I'm getting stonewalled on this end, Commander. I could really use your help." Kahoku's request still seemed a little off, but Shepard could hear the desperation in his voice _. A rear admiral desperate for my help? Something must be pretty high up the ladder to keep him at bay…_

"I'll accept this mission temporarily, Rear Admiral. However, if my engineers and navigator can't clear the ship for that amount of travel, I'll have to get back to you and delay it." Shepard responded. "But this does sound a little serious, and there's nothing I like more than helping cut through red tape."

"I appreciate this, Commander. You're doing the right thing." Kahoku stated, relieved. "Good luck."

"Let's hope I don't need it." Shepard replied, chuckling, before cutting the transmission. She leaned up against the control panel and sighed. _Really haven't had much downtime since Therum, but if it's a quick in and out, I think we'll be fine._ She mused, feeling her still tender midsection.

"So should I change course now, or later, Commander?" she heard Joker ask, startling her. _And I should warn him about listening in on conversations…_

"Talk to Pressly about the logistics of it, and let me know your decision. I'm sure you'll know where to find me." She snarked back, grinning at the pilot's gall.

* * *

The Mako barreled down the barren wastelands of Edolus, jumping and jolting from each minor ridge Shepard drove over. She was sure others might have considered some more moderate ridges, or even major ridges, but they were less adventurous types. It had taken a half day to get to the planet, where they were able to track a faint, encrypted signal emanating from the surface. None of the comm specialists could tell if it was a distress call, so it certainly hadn't used Alliance frequencies. That was the red flag that had Joker drop them off a few miles from the site, in case it was something more sinister.

As the Mako gracefully flew through the air across a large pit, she heard Tali's warbled cries of panic above Wrex's amused chuckling. _Might have to tone this down a bit for poor Tali. I can't imagine getting sick inside her helmet is a pleasant thing…_

She slowed down at they reached the top of another ridge, which looked over a large, flat crater of sorts. An M29 Grizzly was visible far off in the distance, but aside from that it looked like your regular everyday badlands. She brought the Mako gently down the cliff-side, rolling it cautiously toward the Grizzly, staying along the periphery of the crater in order to allow a better escape route in case of ambush.

They pulled away from the crater wall for a few hundred metres and stopped a few feet from the ravaged looking Grizzly. Shepard hopped out of the vehicle and slowly made her way over with a scanner in hand. It only took her a few steps to notice something wrong about the situation. She turned and informed the krogan-quarian duo to keep their eyes peeled.

"This Grizzly was decimated." Shepard began, feeling a slight rumble as she spoke. "Look at the damage on the sides of it. Someone was using chemical warfare. Polonium rounds are already illegal, I'd guess this stuff is salarian-grade. But…what would the STG want here?"

Wrex shrugged, grimacing as she mentioned the salarians. "I'll check the tank for bodies."

She and Tali moved slowly and silently around the Grizzly, getting closer to the source of the signal. Wrex, for his part, was dead silent as he worked his way around the nearby tank. _Maybe he's having a good day, not feeling so grumpy…_ she thought, feeling another tremor beneath her, slightly stronger this time. _This place sure has a lot of mini earthquakes..._

The duo stopped over a small patch of recently disturbed ground and glanced at each other. Shepard nodded and the two knelt, digging away at the broken dirt and stone, hands clawing the debris away until Shepard felt something flat and hard against her hand.

"Shepard, we need to get out of here." Wrex announced hastily, as another tremor shook the ground. "We need to go now!"

Shepard ignored him for a moment, pulling a heavy steel transponder from the hole she and Tali had dug. "Well, we found the signal's origin. Any bodies Wrex?"

"Just some bones, Shepard, but we need to leave, NOW!" Wrex stated firmly, turning and quickly marching toward the Mako. He was shaken off balance by the next tremor, which sent Shepard and Tali stumbling to their hands and knees.

"What the fuck is happening?" Shepard yelled, grabbing Wrex's attention as the krogan began running.

Wrex yelled out an answer, but it was inaudible against the explosion a few meters to the side of them, against the shrill screams of the largest worm Shepard had ever laid eyes on. _Christ…_

* * *

Liara T'Soni sat at the mess hall's table, attempting to ignore the two Normandy staff at the opposite end who had been giving her looks of suspicion and disdain for the past twenty minutes. Her initial foray into the mess had been a fair bit worse, with the crew keeping away from her like the plague, and muttering disparaging remarks at her in passing. She had wanted to ask them why they had treated her in such a way, but it became clear to her as time had passed. _They don't trust me because of mother, because they think I am a spy. In part, I can understand, but…this is why I stayed away from others to begin with._

She had wanted to eat her meal in the med-bay instead, but Doctor Chakwas had heard that the ground team had been wounded on Edolus, and was busy preparing the room for them. Liara couldn't help but wish that the commander was safe and healthy. Losing such an asset as the beacon's vision would be a tremendous loss to the galaxy alone, and she was certain that it would further dampen the spirits of the Normandy's crew were Shepard injured in battle.

An announcement came over the comms, stating Shepard had come on deck, relieving an XO Pressly of command. Liara wasn't certain what an XO was, but she assumed it was important. She sat in silence along with the apprehensive looking crew members as the gears of the elevator whirred behind them.

The doors slid open and the fierce stomps of the blood-red krogan erupted through the mess hall as the huge specimen rushed to the med-bay, squeezing through the crack in the doors as soon as it was wide enough. Liara could barely catch a glimpse of the krogan, carrying what looked to be the quarian from Therum on his shoulder. Her focus was more on a depleted looking Shepard who lagged behind, lurching along to the med-bay with help from the other human woman and a turian. Liara got up from her seat, wondering what she should do. _She is badly wounded, should I help? No, Liara, you're a doctor, but you're not a medical doctor…still, Shiala did teach me first aid and I feel I could be of use…but what if Doctor Chakwas does not want me there?_ Her thoughts warred in her head as she watched the three trudge past her, Shepard eventually shaking the two of them off near the doors and marching in alone. _I should help…_

Liara breezed past the two worried looking soldiers and into the med-bay, which had quickly spiraled into chaos. One medical assistant was practically prying Shepard away from the badly injured quarian, while Chakwas and the other assistant tended to the quarian's wounds as best as they could; Chakwas yelling ferociously at Shepard's stubbornness and unwillingness to be brought to a medical bed so she herself could be treated.

Liara approached slowly, trying to see if there was something she could do to help without intruding on the madness before her. Shepard had cut open the quarian's suit all up the left leg, peeling off the acid-marred panels that had nearly dissolved entirely. The assistant who had once pulled at Shepard spun around and began treating the newly open areas for the acid burns; Shepard busy scanning the quarian's lower body for more burns, her trembling hands cutting away the material there as well. Liara couldn't help but watch as blood pooled by the commander's feet, dripping down from obvious wounds across her midsection and upper thighs. As soon as Shepard paused, unable to find new areas, Liara pounced forward and took hold of the commander, finding it was as good a time as ever to drag the stubborn woman away from her squadmate.

Shepard resisted momentarily, but her exhaustion was evident, and she quickly gave in once the other medical assistant joined in, helping set the commander onto the adjacent bed. The woman's face never left the quarian, giving Liara and the assistant a distraction enough to begin to remove the soldier's acid-marred armor.

Chakwas' voice rang out through the bay, calling the assistant back to the quarian, leaving her alone with the disheveled looking commander. She leaned over and began removing the woman's gauntlets and gloves, revealing blistered, bruised hands and wrists. _Her hands are much finer than I would have thought…_ She winced at the sight and moved to the nearby table, grabbing a scalpel. As she returned the commander's gaze was locked on her.

"You're not a medical doctor, T'soni. What are you doing?" Shepard mumbled, likely drunk from painkillers coursing through her body.

"I am trying to help, now lay still." Liara noted, moving to Shepard's bedside.

"Why are you helping?" she asked simply, closing her eyes. Her breaths were short and labored, and she hoped there wasn't any internal damage to the woman.

"It is the least I can do, after you saved my life. I am trained in first aid, I can help until Chakwas finishes treating the quarian." Liara explained calmly, trying to pull the mostly burnt away chest plate from Shepard's torso. Shepard merely shook her head, looking disappointed or annoyed. Finally, with a loud pop, it dislodged, revealing a monstrous looking gash across her abdomen.

Liara couldn't help but gasp at the amount of blood leaking from the wound.

"Don't worry…doc. Not as bad as what Tali's going through." Shepard said quietly, turning back to focus on the quarian and the buzzing doctors surrounding her. Liara cut small incisions into Shepard's bodysuit around the wound, occasionally nicking the woman, but it didn't seem to phase her. Eventually, she pulled away the square of wet, destroyed material and got a better look at the wound. _Goddess, was she mauled by a Klauwpa beast? This is atrocious!_ Liara meticulously packed the wound with what medigel she could find, slowing the bleeding enough for her to clean the area around the wound. After finishing dealing with that wound and the one on her upper left thigh, she knew that Shepard's health had mostly been dealt with temporarily. Activity to her side had died down slightly, movements less rushed, orders less frantic.

"Commander, you…I'll need to remove your bodysuit in order to treat the rest of your wounds." Liara stammered, feeling foolish for almost asking the commander to remove the clothing herself. _She's in no condition… Oh, why am I fumbling over my words…_

"No fucking way." Shepard said firmly and immediately, blood rushing to her face for some unknown reason. Liara felt puzzled by the woman's choice of words, wondering what sexual activity had to do with anything in this scenario. _Humans are strange…but aren't they supposed to be modest about their sexuality? Perhaps that is why her face is red? This is just confusing. Focus on the injuries and the stubborn woman in front of you, Liara…_

"I promise I will be very careful. I have had to treat my own minor wounds before, I know what I'm doing." Liara insisted, taking a light hold of the Commander's top before the injured woman swatted her hand away.

"No. I'm fine, Christ!" Shepard cursed, her focus still mostly off to the side, where Chakwas was tending to the young quarian.

"Commander, please! You are wounded, you need treatment!" Liara stated, confused and annoyed at the woman's lack of cooperation. It had been a long time since she had last yelled at anyone, and she couldn't help but feel a little shameful, knowing she was being impolite. _I just want her to heal!_ "This is no time to be stubborn!"

"I don't care!" Shepard yelled, turning her fiery gaze back to Liara. "You're not taking this off, period! Now get the hell out of here!"

"Commander, I…" Liara began, feeling her frustration rise before she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"It's fine, Liara. You have done a good job with the Commander, but you can leave now. I'll handle this one." Chakwas stated softly, taking the scalpel from her hand. Liara nodded quickly and rushed out of the med-bay, awash with frustration. _How can she be so….Goddess! Even mother would accept treatment, if necessary. Why is this woman so…insufferable?! I was only trying to help…_

* * *

Shepard winced as Chakwas began work on the last of her open wounds. She was pleased to know Tali would recover, that an assistant was prepping one of the beds as a potential clean area, erecting one of the domes supplied with the Normandy so that the quarian could be moved there once everyone had been cleared, and the medbay decontaminated. She was pleased to know her wounds weren't life-threatening, although she had lost enough blood to likely feel weak for a day. She wished more than anything that she hadn't taken that mission from Kahoku. _I'll file a scathing mission report later on, I guess. Best I can do at this point. Hopefully the comm specialists can figure something out about that transponder we recovered._

"Shepard…" Chakwas began, as she finished the last stitch. "The next time you barge into my med-bay and put yourself and others at risk, I will relieve you of command. Is that clear?"

"Chakwas, I…" Shepard started, feeling a little guilty over her behavior earlier. _I was scared I sent Tali to her death down there. Bringing her along…Christ…I was such an idiot! Why the hell was that transponder down there in the first place?_

"I know you were concerned for her health, but I assure you, my assistants and I can handle it without your intrusions. I'm just happy Liara got you away as soon as she did." Chakwas interrupted, her voice cold and stern.

Shepard grunted and turned to look at the unconscious quarian one bed over. "She would have been better off helping Tali than me. I was fine."

"You were bleeding like a stuffed pig, Commander, you were certainly not fine. I would have had a more difficult time of fixing you up had she not performed that initial first aid on you." Chakwas stated, checking over her work. "I saw no reason for you to be so agitated toward her. She was helping you."

Shepard mulled over her thoughts on why she was mad at the asari. _Honestly, I really shouldn't have been. Could have just been heat of the moment, me worried about Tali…but I knew she was in good hands, and if something could be done, Chakwas would do it. Maybe it's not that. Could be my…issue with asari, and worrying about her seeing my body. Or it could be my damn scarring issue peeking its head up again, but I doubt it. Her talk yesterday bugged me, but I'm not sure…_

"I was probably just worried about Tali. I'll try to apologize later, I guess." Shepard said dismissively, hoping the Doctor would change the subject.

"Something tells me you're not being truthful, Shepard. Something's been bugging you lately, since we left the Citadel." The doctor stated, moving over to Shepard's bedside and taking a seat on a nearby chair.

"The vision from the beacon, maybe?" Shepard answered sarcastically, earning a glare from Chakwas. "Look, I've been getting no sleep. Hard not to be grumpy."

"You've been kind and calm to me, and before the mission you were that way with practically the whole crew." Chakwas said, looking skeptical. "I doubt it's that. I've never heard you get angry at someone thus far in our short adventure, Shepard. Not until today, so is there something about the doctor that troubles you?"

Shepard closed her eyes and sighed, knowing she wouldn't escape the topic if she wanted to leave the med-bay any time soon. _Well, I don't feel like saying 'Oh Chakwas, she makes my body get all warm and fuzzy and drenched', and I don't think anyone needs to know that. But I guess it's also a little more than that…_

"I guess…I guess she frustrates me. Opened up an old wound on me." Shepard stated quietly. "Ever feel déjà vu, Chakwas?"

"What does she remind you of?" the doctor asked patiently.

"When I was a kid, I propped the idea of family on a pedestal. To me, it was the pinnacle of life, something to strive for, something to cherish. I used to think it was perfect even if I didn't have one. Maybe especially because of that." She noted, recalling her youthful naiveté. "But I met this woman and her niece later on and…they kind of broke that illusion. And I broke them apart in the end."

"No family is perfect, Shepard. You can't fault yourself for that." Chakwas reasoned, but Shepard waved her off.

"No, I know that, but…I guess somewhere deep inside, I still romanticized it. Maybe in other species, or culture, it could be held up as that standard. But…the asari are so tight knit, and from what I gathered from Tevos, Liara and her mother's family was close…it gave me a little hope that maybe they had what I'd always hoped there could be. That came crashing down last night when Liara told me her mother had basically disowned her. It…it's frustrating. It makes me feel ill, and I know I'm not being fair, but…just seeing her reminds me of that. Even if I feel bad for her, I just get a little angry." Shepard rambled, each word slow and thought out.

Chakwas took a few moments in silence to formulate an answer that Shepard was certain she wouldn't want to hear. "Shepard, we all have dreams and ideals, but we cannot let them harm others."

"I know, doc." Shepard said, closing her eyes and trying to find a more comfortable angle for her head to rest on the pillow. "I'll try to get over this. It's not her fault. It's just hard, you know?"

"I understand, Commander. Now get some rest." Chakwas stated, before leaving the med-bay.

_I spend way too much time here, and not enough in the Mako…hopefully Garrus can fix her up. Maybe…maybe when we get back to the Citadel, I'll try and pull Liara aside and apologize…or maybe that will just cause more problems, seeing as how I already feel like an idiot around asari as is. Might make a fool of myself…_

_Ugh. Why does this all have to be so confusing?_


	12. You Remind Me of Home

Shepard lay in bed, sheets tangled around her legs as usual, one hand gently resting on her still fairly tender midsection. Her fingers grazed over the rough texture of the bandages, her ribs immediately responding with sharp jolts of pain. She grimaced from the pain and squirmed into a more comfortable position where her chest didn't feel like it was on fire all the time. Her fitful sleeps were preventing her ribs from healing fully, and her lack of sleep also contributed to a slower recovery. It was a double edged sword that Shepard was not fond of in the least. Chakwas had at least aided her in getting to a more comfortable sleeping area, having been moved to her room a few hours earlier after the med-bay had been quarantined to aid in Tali's healing.

They wouldn't be doing any missions until the Citadel, so it wasn't a major concern that it was closed off. Shepard felt it a little refreshing to have some time alone, even if she was continually taunted with the urges of sleep. It was a tempting piece of bait that she hoped she wouldn't be tricked by again anytime soon. _At least, I hope I won't…_ she mused, recalling the rather graphic memory of her sister, alive for some reason, being defiled in the madness alongside the other organics. Every time she went to sleep it seemed to be integrating itself more with her experiences, urging her to listen, to heed the warning, despite already having done so. _Wish it would just shut up for a bit…only reprieve I've gotten was that one night where I…well…you know, I'd probably prefer that over the Reapers, so maybe I can trade one horrific dream for one terribly teasing and embarrassing dream. Won't feel well rested either way._

A buzzing from her door evacuated her thoughts from her mind, her head rising to look to the door. She pulled the covers over her body hastily and gave the voice command for the door to unlock. Pressly practically barged in holding the transponder from the ground mission, though it looked as if it had seen better days. _The team must have really worked it over…_ she thought, watching her XO attempt to salute while carrying the device.

"At ease, officer. Wish I could stand, but…doctor's orders. What can I do for you, Pressly?" Shepard asked, each breath stirring up tiny pricks of pain, though easily ignored.

"I understand, Commander." Pressly noted, pulling up the chair from her desk. "The comm team just finished their analysis of the transponder. I felt you would want to know as soon as possible."

"Thanks, I was kind of dreading just laying here, doing nothing. What did they find?" she asked, noticing the executive officer's apprehension.

"It was more what we didn't find, Commander. Nothing was utterly conclusive." Pressly began. "The signal was the easiest part of the equation to assess. The team couldn't be one hundred percent certain, but it seemed to be turian in origin. Virtually identical to the frequencies the turian hierarchy used in the first contact war."

Shepard's eyebrow cocked at the assertion. "But…we're not exactly close to turian space, Pressly. Why the hell would the turians be poking around here in the traverse?"

"I…will agree, it seems regrettably far-fetched. While I would like to blame the turians…it would give us a quick culprit…the design of the device is more in line with human utilitarian schematics." Pressly explained, looking troubled. "Senior comms officer Felawa has an extensive background in turian communications, and confirmed that while there are some minor similarities, it is not in line with their rather rigid standards."

Shepard turned her head to look at the device more closely. "So someone went through the effort to try and make this seem turian, but didn't really accomplish more than a cheap knockoff. This thing's sending mixed signals, pardon the pun, and we don't know what we're looking at, am I right?"

"We…aren't sure, Commander. We haven't been able to trace this to anything in particular, but there was a small symbol etched on the inside of one of the parts. Here let me show you." Pressly said, pulling apart the transponder and pulling out what seemed to be the battery casing. He took a studying look at it before flipping it around and bringing it close enough to her face that she didn't have to lean forward.

Shepard's eyes adjusted quickly, scanning for the symbol, growing wide when she found it.

"I appreciate you showing this to me. I'd like to file a mission report on it now. You're dismissed." Shepard stated calmly, her voice hollow, her face paling. Her jaw clenched and she clutched the side of the bed tightly.

Pressly didn't need her to reiterate, and cautiously left her room. _Fuck. Christ. Why does it have to be them?!_

She threw the sheets off, jumped off the bed and began pacing around the room, yelling obscenities as memories flooded through her. It had been over a decade since she'd seen the symbol, but it was still familiar, still a sore spot for her.

Shepard felt a searing pain from her chest and figured she'd aggravated something in her blind tirade, and it was a bit too much to ignore this time. She let out a groan and limped over to her bed, collapsing back onto it.

"Goddamn assfucking Cerberus." She spoke through grit teeth.

She lay flat on her bed and began going over everything she knew in order to get the full picture. _Armistan Banes, Alliance ops, goes missing. Of enough importance to send another team to find him. Bait? Don't know if he's still alive, or if he was killed. Could definitely be either. Kahoku sends recon team. Skilled, highly trained, large group. Six of them, I think. They investigate, Cerberus has transmitter sending frequencies that would get picked up but not recognized. Their mission requires haste, they wouldn't check into what the frequency was, just that it was there and probably the only one._

_They land, drive over in their Grizzly. Investigate, but it's too late by then. The goddamn thresher maw's on them, and they die. Their ship, and whoever was on it, was likely boarded by Cerberus and taken away, because there weren't any signs of derelict ships in the area. But why? What were they hiding? Why…wait…why are they mimicking what happened on Akuze? Are they just being sick fucks, or…is it a second trial? Did they do Akuze? Fuck! No one ever actually found out why the distress signal was sent out on Akuze, at least nothing was done about it that I know of. Atwood raised a stink for years and nothing came of that. Hear she's been stuck on shit assignments ever since, too. Maybe Cerberus is in deep in the Alliance…Maybe they needed more data?_

Her mind plowed through all the information until it ground to a halt upon recalling Kahoku's original transmission to her. _He was getting stonewalled within the Alliance. Did Alliance follow up on Akuze? I…Christ. I hoped it couldn't happen at that level, but if Cerberus has people that high up enough in the Alliance to stonewall a rear admiral behind red tape, then…then this is fucking hell. Is anywhere safe? Faridah's on Luna base, that's Alliance, but they could have people there. They're running experiments up there, it's an R &D lab and training ground, of course they'll have people up there! Is she in danger? Fuck! And Heather, she's a friend of ours…shit, they might be used against us if they learn what I know…I should bring her on board no matter what, she's safer here than anywhere else. This is about the worst news I could imagine, barring Saren destroying the galaxy or some shit…_

Shepard put down the transponder and opened up a datapad, her fingers quickly typing up the report. _Not censoring this one. Straight to Kahoku, and from there, who knows? He'd just better be careful…I have to let him know what he's stepped into…we're both in some dangerous shit now, after this…_

* * *

Liara stepped into Chakwas' medical lab, taking in the sight. It was a small, dark, sterile looking room; there was a long desk on the left hand side of the room with two terminals resting on it, and a shelf above it holding various chemicals, equipment, lights and supplies. The right-hand side of the room was littered with cargo crates full of what she assumed were supplies. Two mechanical arms hung from the ceiling, but she couldn't quite discern a purpose for those. She took another glance at the cargo area and decided it was where she'd set up her cot, in case Chakwas needed room to work on the other side of the room.

It had been a long four days of frustration for Liara since the Edolus mission, but she felt that things would be changing for the better going forward. The quarian, Tali'Zorah, had recently vacated the med bay after three and a half days of being quarantined, and was seemingly feeling good enough to stand and move around. The quarian's freedom went hand in hand with hers, as she was free to hide away in the medical lab until they arrived at the Citadel.

The Normandy had been delayed in its attempt to return to the seat of galactic civilization after the team in engineering decided the ship wouldn't be able to handle more than a single relay jump. It had taken a day to get to the nearest shipyard, just over two days sitting at the shipyard, and they were just under two days out from the Citadel. Liara resisted the urge to grab one of the cots in the med bay quite yet, despite her extreme lack of sleep.

It had been a frustrating few nights, attempting to sleep in the pods beside the mess. It had seemed as if every time she had managed to fall asleep, someone would buzz her communicator, letting a loud screech ring through the chamber and startle her awake. At times they would say something she imagined was rude, but she was always in too much of a daze or panic to readily understand it. _Thank the Goddess for Chakwas, letting me rest in here while I am on the Normandy. If not for her…I cannot fathom withstanding another such sleepless night…_

She was exhausted. But if she wanted to depart the Normandy when it docked, she would need to hold off on sleep for a few hours longer in order to have a better sleep cycle. _I have not seen the commander since Edolus…perhaps she is avoiding me._ Liara thought, trying to find something to fill the span of time until she could safely sleep. _No, I doubt she would be so unprofessional, especially as the commanding officer on a ship such as this. No, she is likely too injured still to move around the ship often. Perhaps she has been around and I have not seen her?_

Liara looked back to the door leading to the med bay. _Maybe I could attempt talking to some of the friendlier crew. They…they would likely know more than I would if the commander was feeling better. I hope she is…I didn't mean to yell at her, but…she shouldn't have been so mean to me. Why am I so concerned about her, anyway? I suppose it's her vision…but still…_ She mused, feeling torn over why her thoughts had turned to the rude commander. _Oh Liara, it will fill the time…what's the harm in being curious?_

Liara moved out of the med-bay and immediately wanted to slink back in, hearing the lunch hour ruckus over at the dining table. She instead steeled herself and moved across the floor to where Kaidan Alenko was debating on which flavor of paste to call up to the counter. She saw him hold up a large beige tube and look at it thoughtfully as he began to leave the small nook he was in.

"L…Lieutenant Alenko, may I have a word with you?" Liara asked, distracting him from his meal, his head popping up to spot her walking shyly across the hall.

"Oh, Doctor T'Soni. Sure, we can talk if you'd like." Alenko said nonchalantly, gesturing her to walk with him to the table.

Liara looked in that direction and heard all sorts of laughing and bravado, but didn't feel like it was something she could easily digest. She turned back to him apologetically. "I was hoping we could discuss something in a…less crowded setting."

Kaidan looked over to the table and paused for a moment before nodding. "Would the comm room work? It's silly, but I like to sit down when I eat."

"That would be wonderful, thank you." Liara responded, following Kaidan up the stairs and into the small circular room, each taking up chairs opposite each other.

Liara took a quick glance around the room, imagining the full ground crew there after Therum. She could almost feel the tension still billowing through the room.

"So, what's on your mind, Doctor?" Kaidan asked, peeling open his tube of food. Liara wasn't used to the grainy, rough texture of the pastes, and had been pleased that Doctor Chakwas had helped her gain access to the regular military MREs. She noticed Kaidan not seeming to mind it as he took a small slurp of it _. I wonder if Shepard has to eat those tubes? She…she IS a biotic…should I ask Kaidan about her? Why am I even here?_

"I was wondering…if you could tell me about the commander." Liara stated, blushing slightly as the Lieutenant's eyebrows perked up. "I mean, as far as how she is on the ship, or on missions."

"And you want to hear this from me…why?" Alenko asked, skeptically.

"I have very little knowledge of human behavior, or military protocols, and if…if I am to stay on this ship I would prefer to know a little bit more about her, as she is the commanding officer. You were kind when you introduced yourself in the past, I was just hoping to gain some insight." Liara explained, feeling slightly foolish.

"Not sure I can tell you what you want to hear. The commander…she's hard to peg. Sometimes I feel like I have an idea of who she is and then…she says something that just doesn't fit. So…I'm not sure my word holds any weight." Kaidan spoke, looking a little off balance by the request.

"You have known her for longer than I have, Lieutenant. Anything at all would be helpful." Liara said, reaffirming her interest, hoping the lieutenant would help.

The Lieutenant took another slurp from his paste, nodding. "Well… she's pretty level headed for the most part…I think. She hasn't been on the ship for all that long, but she's been friendly and approachable for the most part, if a little unorthodox. Like I said, sometimes she just says things that kind of throw me for a loop. Shepard's been…well, she's terrifying on missions, but it's clear that she's good at what she does. She can be a little…wild, but it's usually for a good reason, like keeping the rest of us from danger. She really does seem to care about her crew. Honestly, I didn't see that coming after knowing her history."

"Her history?" Liara asked, her curiosity immediately perked. That the Lieutenant had come in with another idea in mind was interesting, and knowing it could help her potentially not make a fool of herself in front of the commander in the future.

"…Is something you'll have to get directly from her, and only her. Sorry, under orders from the commander herself." Alenko noted apologetically, eliciting a frown from the prothean expert.

"What makes you say she cares for her crew, then? In which ways?" Liara asked, wondering if humans were particularly socialized to enjoy rudeness, anger, or cold, sometimes harsh, dialogue.

"Well…there's the fact that she's been practically living in engineering since Tali was released from the med-bay yesterday." Kaidan said, before finishing his tube.

"Is she…normally so attentive?" Liara asked, realizing that the reason she hadn't seen the commander was because she'd been down a floor the whole time.

"She kind of treated Williams…the gunnery chief… in a similar way, I think. She had a hard time with Eden Prime and she's, from what I've seen and heard, gone out of her way to make sure Williams is doing fine. She's been pretty watchful of Tali from the start from what Garrus says, and she's at least polite to everyone else, I guess. From what I can tell, she tries to visit everyone at least once a day. I think she's pretty thankful for the people who stayed on the Normandy when they could have left. Just my own little thought, though." Kaidan elaborated, repositioning himself in the chair to get more comfortable.

Liara sat and let herself digest the information. _The commander hasn't visited me once since Edolus…has she been avoiding me? Or has she been putting everyone aside while making time for Tali? Is she merely doing her best to help one of her crewmates, or…or perhaps she hates me? Or perhaps I make her uncomfortable? I have noticed I am the only asari on board…although other species also have sole representatives as well…this is so very confusing._

"Is the commander on duty right now?" Liara asked the Lieutenant, who shook his head in response.

"No, she returned to her office about an hour ago. She looked like she was probably going to get some well needed rest." Kaidan answered, at which Liara stood up.

"Thank you, Lieutenant, for talking with me. I know I must seem a little foolish, what with my prying information from you." Liara apologized.

Kaidan stood from his chair as well, rolling up the wrapper his food came in. "You're a researcher for a living, Doctor T'Soni. It's probably just a natural thing for you to ask a lot of questions, to want answers."

Liara blushed a little at the truth of the statement. Most of the time she had protheans as a distraction for that, but now that the human commander had become part of that field of study, she felt she couldn't help herself.

She thanked the Lieutenant again as she left the comm room and headed down the stairs to the elevator, knowing who she wanted to see next. Thankfully, the elevator was empty, but it was a surprisingly slow ride to the next level. She wondered if all human elevators were so slow, and couldn't imagine why they would waste so much time, considering their lives were so short. _Perhaps they are more patient than stereotypes would lead me to believe…_

The doors opened and Liara stepped out, gathering her surroundings. _That is the cargo bay, so the engine room must be behind me_. Liara banked right out of the elevator and made her way through the small corridor and into the enormous, illuminated room. _Goddess, this is a magnificent sight!_ She thought, admiring the aesthetics of the room alone, everything bathed in a thin blue haze. She looked around for Tali and noticed a small cozy-looking quarian off in the corner, resting on what appeared to be a number of pillows and blankets, reading over a datapad quietly. Liara approached the engineer with a polite wave and a smile, receiving a small wave in return; the light purple blanket draped over the quarian falling off her shoulders slightly from the movement.

"Liara…was it? How are you doing?" Tali asked, sounding a little congested still, as she scooted over to make room for the asari.

"Yes, and I am doing fine. How are you managing… with your fever? Are you feeling any better?" Liara asked, sitting down beside the young quarian.

"Each day is better than the last. I'm hoping to return to my duties in a few days. I…really wanted to help fix the ship." Tali said quietly.

"I am sure you will be given such an opportunity again, with the scale of this mission. I understand the frustration of sitting around, not able to help." Liara said kindly, unable to keep from grinning at the sight of Tali wearing a blanket.

"What's so funny?" Tali asked, tilted her head slightly.

"You are wearing a blanket, yet…do quarian enviro-suits not regulate temperature on their own? It's rather absurd, if you don't mind me saying." Liara blurted out, hoping she wouldn't cause offense with the young girl.

The quarian made what sounded like a laughing sound, and her body shook slightly. "Yes, well…I didn't have much of a choice. Shepard seemed determined to help me feel better. She kept saying she didn't want me to get cold. I…didn't have the heart to tell her it wouldn't help."

Liara couldn't help but smile at the gesture, though her mind repeated past concerns. _Everyone seems to have seen a friendlier, warmer side of the commander, but she has been distant to me at best…have I done something to truly offend her? Does she blame me for nearly dying on Therum? Did my attempts to help her in the med bay displease her to such a degree? Oh Liara, why does trouble always seem to find you?_

"Aside from showering you with blankets you don't need, how has the commander been since you have joined the ship?" Liara asked, hoping her question didn't seem too out of order.

"She was very generous to bring me aboard the ship, especially when so many see quarians as pests. Especially with this being the Normandy! It's a marvel! Shepard has really tried to help me fit in, and has talked to engineer Adams to make sure I'm treated like any other Alliance engineer. It's…nice to feel valued, to be a part of this." Tali began, her hands quite animated as she talked. "She's helped guide me a little I guess. I'm still new to life away from the flotilla, so she's trying to make sure I have confidence, and make sure I have what I need. She even stood up for me a few times, which was really nice."

Liara felt much of the message was similar to Lieutenant Alenko's and bit the inside of her cheek slightly over the growing pit in her stomach. "Has…from what you've seen, at least…has she treated others the same?"

Tali paused for a moment, her expression unreadable behind the clouded visor. "I think so. Well, she's not like a typical quarian captain, which is…hard to get used to, after living on the flotilla for so long. She's kind of informal, doesn't really use her authority often, she takes time to talk to all the engineers, and she's tried to learn about quarian culture, and my experiences. It's kind of nice to have someone like her leading the Normandy, although she probably wouldn't survive a week on the flotilla, leading like this. I think she just expects us to be our best, and trusts that we'll get done what needs to get done. She doesn't pretend to understand engines at all. She knows we're the experts at that, and lets us lead our own section, make our own decisions. In that way, I think she treats us all alike. Maybe some get a little more attention, but I think she really tries to be fair."

Liara was puzzled at her answer and sat back against the railing, wondering why the commander had taken the time to see everyone but her lately. _She's definitely avoiding me. I must…be making her uncomfortable. I know I have made the crew uncomfortable. Perhaps it would be best for everyone if I left the Normandy when we dock._

"I…take it you didn't just come down here to check up on me, did you?" Tali asked, as Liara felt a three fingered hand on her shoulder.

"I am sorry, I truly did want to see if you were feeling better. After Edolus, I was terribly worried." Liara started, wishing she could see the quarian's face. _I feel so horrible…_ "But…I am also worried that the commander distrusts me. She has been distant and cold to me, not unlike how I've been treated by some of the crew. I simply wish I could understand what I have done to deserve it."

"Liara, there's no way she doesn't trust you. If that was the truth, you wouldn't be on the ship." Tali stated firmly. "Keelah, she got up in front of the entire Therum ground team and defended you. She stood up to a krogan! She trusts you, don't doubt that."

Liara's brows furrowed as she felt both relieved and perplexed over the Commander's behavior. _If she trusts me, then she should be fine with me…but perhaps she just doesn't like me. I must have displeased her in the med-bay. She is the commander, I should have listened to her, no matter if she was being stubborn or not. I am such a fool…no wonder she hasn't visited me. She may trust me, but there is no doubt that she wants me off her ship. I…_

"Liara, I don't know why she's acted….however she has around you. I honestly don't know why she would, so I can't really help you there. I would talk to her about it, but I don't feel it would be appropriate." Tali continued, rubbing Liara's shoulder lightly.

"Thank you for helping, Tali. Knowing that she trusts me…it clarifies much. I understand your trepidation about talking to Shepard, so I shall talk to her soon myself." Liara said, slowly standing up. "I hope you get some rest and can get back to work as soon as possible. Thank you again."

Tali gave Liara a wave farewell and the asari took off toward the elevator. _I have preparations to make if I am going to leave the Normandy at the Citadel. And… I have to speak to the Commander later. I should get started on the former before the latter, though. Hopefully everything will go as planned, and I can stop being such a strain on everyone here._

* * *

The world had seemed a lot darker, the past few days. Shepard had tried to ease her worries by busying herself with Tali, but soon felt guilty for basically smothering her with attention that had probably caused a moderate or high level of annoyance. _Though I'm glad she's starting to feel better. She's a cute kid._ She sat on her bed, tumbling her acorns in her hands as unwanted thoughts blazed through her consciousness. _Is Faridah safe? Is Heather safe? What projects is Cerberus working on now? How many innocents are being slain in secret, far from my ability to help? How many are being tortured, brutalized, murdered in the name of 'advancement'?_ She felt helpless to stop the steady flow of good and potential leaking out of the galaxy because of Cerberus.

She tossed the acorns across the twisted bed sheets; she had been unable to find it in herself to care about Alliance bed-making protocols lately. _Why Cerberus? Why now? It is just a coincidence that I stumbled on them again? Even if that's true, what the hell are they up to?_

Shepard got up from the bed and sat down at her desk, activating her holo-piano. _It's like they're haunting me. They've taken so much already…I fought to keep them from taking more. Did I even make a difference? Was my sacrifice for nothing? I can't shake the damned paranoia that everyone I love is in danger again and…Christ, they've been safe for years. I shouldn't be so worked up about this but…still…how can I not worry? I need…I need to just play it out of my system…_

She opened up the menu of known songs and flitted through them, waiting for something to catch her eye. _Because hell, sleep's not going to help me get a fresh start. Haven't slept in days. Bed's a hostile warzone, after a few days ago…not going to live through my sister's death over and over again, and her turning into one of those goddamn husks…_

She leaned forward and grabbed her personal datapad, smiling at the picture of her and Faridah at Katie's wedding almost seven years ago. _Christ, that was ridiculous to get time off for, but it was fun…she'd met others, and moved on from me. Still a few years before Jared…who must be making her happy, although I've only seen him once. She has some making up to do in that department. But I'm happy she's found someone. She honestly deserves an incredible partner, and if she's sold on this guy, I can't wait to actually sit him down and talk._

Shepard placed the device back down on the desk and leaned back on her chair, letting out a painful sigh. _And that's the other reason why I can't sleep…damn pain any time I breathe. Better than yesterday, but still…hell, this body's pretty much the biggest obstacle for any kind of comfort, whether it's sleep, or…well…I mean, I've been alone for years. Even my friends I can count on one hand…and it's not like we spend a lot of time together. Maybe in time some of the crew here might consider me one…maybe…if I'm lucky. I'm trying…_

Her eyes caught on an old song from nearly two centuries ago that Katie had shown her at her twenty-second birthday celebration. _Well, that's as suitable as any right now…_ she thought, loading up an old Bonnie Raitt song.

"Because really, I can't. I can only try my best and hope…even if it's a fool's hope…hell, even if there's no one I think I'd ever be comfortable with feeling that way, anyway. At least…that kind..." she muttered, resting her hands on the keys.

Her fingers nimbly made their way across the keys in the slow intro, flourishing seconds before the words would kick in. She felt the urge to sing along and fought it temporarily, continuing on; her body swaying to the melody, a hum emanating from her throat that eventually formed into words escaping her lips. It was soothing, comforting to have such a release, to be able to rely on herself for something so simple and essential. Something others haven't offered, and wouldn't offer. She barely heard the buzzer at the door, and gave the voice command to give access without thinking, her hands and voice busying her thoughts enough as it was.

The slight sound of footsteps on the steel floor captured just enough of Shepard's focus for her to turn her head to the side and see Doctor Liara T'Soni standing a few feet away from her, causing Shepard's hands to stumble and fall from the keys, her voice to crack and halt immediately as she became fully cognizant of her guest, and her body to slip mid-sway, nearly falling from her chair.

She took a long look at the asari once she was able to shake off the surprise; the doctor was visibly nervous, her eyes betrayed that she was somewhat perplexed, and she looked tremendously exhausted. _Ah, common ground…such a beautiful thing…_

"Can I help you?" Shepard asked, slowly and as calm as she could manage, given the circumstances.

Liara's mouth opened, and Shepard could practically feel the uncertainty emanating from the asari. Moments later she shook her head slightly and closed her mouth, her eyes cast downward, feigning interest in the grooves on the floor.

They both remained in silence for a number of seconds before the asari spoke, still distracted by the floor. "I…was not aware you performed music."

The words came simply, but Shepard couldn't help but feel her face flush immediately. _She's obviously not here to tell me she's surprised I play piano. Focus!_

"Oh! Yeah, well, just don't spread the word, please. I'm not exactly good at it as you could probably tell." Shepard said hastily, grinning and rubbing the back of her neck out of nervousness.

"I thought your performance was pleasant, Commander. Perhaps simple, but quite pleasant, if a bit melancholy." Liara noted, raising her gaze slightly, but still not making eye contact. Not that Shepard's eyes were in any way facing Liara's at the time either. _She likes my playing? But…I'm really not that great at it, and I'm sure my voice was aughhhhh..._

"Doctor T'soni, why are you here?" Shepard asked abruptly, face palming immediately after the words left her mouth, knowing she hadn't meant for the words to come out as harsh as they did. _Fucking night full of surprises…Christ…don't fucking get your nipples in a twist because she complimented you, jerk._

She heard the doctor pivot quickly, the sound of her receding footsteps alarming her to the situation. _Do something, you imbecile!_

"Liara, please…" She called out, and paused, hoping for once there would be silence. She glanced up at the asari, who was looking over her shoulder expectantly. "I'm sorry, it's just…no one but my teacher's really ever heard me, and no one really ever comes to visit me, so I'm not really used to this kind of thing. I didn't mean to be harsh." Shepard said softly, eyes darting around the room trying to find a distraction, intermittently feeling pulled back toward the asari guest.

"If I haven't already kicked all hospitality to the curb, I would really be happy to have you as a guest. If you'd stay, which you don't have to, because I was an ass to you for being nice." Shepard rambled, deciding to finish her stream of consciousness apology there, hoping she hadn't made an enormous fool out of herself.

Liara turned and slowly, cautiously made her way back toward her. Shepard met her pace and rose from her chair, offering Liara a spot at the nearby table. They both sat and Shepard could feel the asari's gaze piercing her skin.

"You say no one visits you…but, you visit nearly everyone on the ship." The doctor stated uncertainly. Shepard blushed with shame at the asari's use of 'nearly'. They both knew very well who the exception was, and she was going to have to face that. _Not my best decision, I'll admit…_

"I do try and see everyone, usually. It's expected of me, or was when I was an executive officer. Now that I'm the commanding officer of the ship, I still feel I need to keep active. But…I don't really mind it. It's nice, even if I know that I'm usually more of an annoyance to everyone than anything." Shepard said, unable to keep from grinning nervously. It was the one nervous tic she loathed, but it was coming in full force.

The asari looked puzzled for a moment and her face scrunched up slightly. Shepard almost thought the expression cute, if not for the fact that looking at Liara brought back memories of the consort.

"I have begun preparations to leave the Normandy when it docks at the Citadel, Commander." Liara blurted out, her focus on her own hands, both clenched together tightly. It was Shepard's turn for her mouth to hang open, this time in shock. _She wants to leave? I mean, I yelled at her in the med-bay, and…Christ, I should have apologized earlier. I'm such an idiot._

"I…Why?" Shepard asked, only able to force out a severely reduced amount of syllables.

"It is obvious, Commander. Please, do not make this more difficult." Liara requested, sounding more flustered.

"Social cues aren't really my thing, doc. They tend to fly over my head. Why you'd leave…I mean, I can think of one or two things, definitely, but it's not exactly obvious to me. I'm sorry." Shepard noted, hanging her head slightly _. I'm such a shit leader is probably why. She saw the aftermath from Edolus. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't feel safe. We barely got out of Therum alive, and I fucking passed out on her. Great fucking protection you're offering there, Shepard…_

"I have made the crew uncomfortable with my presence, and I do not wish to do so any further." Liara explained, luring Shepard's attention back to her.

"The crew? I told them you're good." Shepard replied quickly, but earnestly, holding back her anger at the notion that the crew didn't accept her word. "I'll set them straight, they won't be a problem going forward, I promise. I trusted them to be reasonable, but if they're giving you a hard time, I'll make sure they realize the need to be respectful. I'm…I'm sorry for whatever harm was done to you. It won't happen again." _If it's bad enough that she brought it to me and plans on leaving, then the crew must not listen to me, they must have done something. Some things…their specialties, I let them have the freedom to make their own calls. That's their specialty, they do that best, but when it comes to personnel decisions, that's me, and they need to respect that. How can she feel safe if she's on a ship that doesn't listen to their CO? Christ…_

Liara, however, appeared more confused at Shepard's response than beforehand. "You…you would not be relieved were I to leave the Normandy?"

Shepard hung her head again, feeling the shame billow through her, heating her body. _It's…me. Of course it is, you idiot, you've hid from her from the start, and you've treated her poorly since she's been here. No fucking wonder. God, Shep, just…stop being so fucking terrified of her goddamn ludicrous eyes and give her a chance! Be honest!_

"You haven't treated me the same as the rest of your crew, so there must be some issue with me being on this ship, some reason why I am making you uncomfortable. Perhaps it's a lack of trust, or…" Liara continued, sounding exhausted. Shepard knew she needed to do something right away and just pounced into the middle of the asari's reasoning.

"Please, don't doubt that I trust you. I know you have every right to feel that way, but I've trusted you since Therum and it hasn't wavered since. I'm sorry for how I've treated you. It was…goddamn unprofessional, and shameful, and I should never, ever have yelled at you in the med-bay." Shepard started, holding up her hand as Liara went to intervene. "Please. I should have apologized a lot sooner, but I didn't because I'm an idiot sometimes. You were trying to help, and I shouldn't have freaked out."

The asari leaned back against the chair and rubbed the sleep from her eyes, yawning. "But…but why then were you so distant with me in comparison to the others?"

Shepard gave a sigh and shrugged. "Honestly, it has much more to do with me. Practically all because of my own hang-ups, my own issues." _Like how your eyes are made of space magic, and your voice makes me…well… And you, for some ungodly reason, are the bluest individual I've ever seen? I hate blue._

"Would…you be kind enough to clarify, Commander? I'm not certain what you mean." Liara said, looking utterly baffled.

_Well, I've hid from her and yelled at her…I mean, yeah, I saved her life, but that was expected. I wanted to do that, so…why the hell did I have to be so hard on her afterward? I think maybe some honesty is needed. Maybe…maybe I can win back her trust. That would be a good start…_

"I guess…this is probably just going to be a big ramble, but when I talked to Tevos about you, I imagined your family, asari families, as these really important and well cared for groups in your society. Really important. I figured, with the Matriarch being so important, that you were basically the equivalent of royalty, that your family would be close to this damned ideal I used to be naïve enough to believe in when I was a kid." Shepard began, trying to control her words, trying to slow her speech, without much success.

"And when I talked to you, I realized that I was an idiot, and just like every other family in the galaxy, yours has its imperfections and flaws. It kind of unnerved me, and that was both a wake-up call and something I didn't really want to face. I'd hoped that you being asari…and not being human…would mean there would be a chance that my ideal could exist with your people, but I was dead wrong. I'll always be wrong about it." Shepard reasoned while Liara stared at her intently. "I know it doesn't make much sense, but that's the main reason, I think. I know it's not fair that I expected this from you, especially with what you're going through, but…I did, and for what it's worth, I'm really sorry. I just tried to keep a distance because I had no idea how to face you, how to talk to you. Of course, it doesn't help that you're asari, either."

Liara's eyes practically burst out of her sockets as Shepard finished the last few words, and she knew she'd need to make up for that slip of the tongue. "I'm sorry, I don't mean it as a bad thing necessarily, it's just… your species kind of intimidates me."

Liara sat there with a dumbfounded look on her face for a few moments, her eyebrow markings raised in surprise. "How so?"

Shepard couldn't help but flush beet red again, not wanting to divulge her newfound aversion as the main reason why she'd been staying away from her. _Still…maybe talking about it will help? She hasn't run off calling me a xenophobe yet, that's good. And she's…different than the consort…even if her eyes are ridiculous…_

"It's…uh…mostly the social confidence a lot of asari seem to have. But also…that the few asari I've met personally really like to…touch me. Or say sexual things to me…and I'm not exactly used to that. Kind of freaks me out, even if I know it's totally fine and there's nothing wrong with that kind of stuff, it's just I don't normally get that kind of attention and it's really confusing and disorienting and I don't know. I'm rambling." She explained, growing redder and her speech accelerating by the moment.

Liara sat deep in thought for a moment, her face slightly scrunched up again as the asari worked over something in her head. She fought the urge to smile and just sat there, hoping the doctor would understand and let it be.

"Commander, we asari…my people believe we are all part of a single galactic community. Each species contributes something to the greater whole. Although we seek to understand other species, it seems few of them seek to understand us. The galaxy is filled with rumours and misinformation about my people." Liara began, appearing deeply concerned as she spoke. "Most of the inaccuracies are centered around our mating rituals. My species is not sexually dimorphic. 'Male' and 'female' have no real meaning for us. We still require a partner to reproduce. This second parent, however, may be of any species and any sex."

Shepard looked at the asari curiously, accepting the information, but not seeing the relevance. "So you can mate with anyone?"

"Mating is not quite the proper term. Not as you understand it. Physical contact may or may not be involved, but it is not an essential part of the union. The true connection is mental. Our physiology allows us to meld with other beings. We can touch the very depths of their minds." Liara continued, appearing slightly more nervous as her cheeks began turning a slight shade of purple.

 _Wait, she has freckles…purple freckles…and white ones along her…head thingies…that's kind of cute. Didn't notice that before…_ Shepard thought, listening to Liara as well as she could. She didn't quite understand what Liara meant by melding, but it sounded interesting. _Scary, but interesting. And they don't always use touch? That's…weird. But maybe good, all things considered._

"I know there are some strange beliefs about my people. I am familiar with the legend of asari promiscuity, but those rumours have little basis in fact. When one of my people joins with another individual, it is a very deep and spiritual exchange. We do not enter lightly into a union." Liara explained, seeming to expand on what she had been discussing, but Shepard still wasn't clear how it was relevant to her own problems.

"You make it sound almost…mystical." Shepard mumbled, busy counting the freckles across Liara's nose. Either the asari didn't notice, or didn't care.

"A true union goes far beyond an ordinary meld. It is a connection that transcends the physical universe. Two become one. Thoughts and senses merge, identities intertwine, memories and emotions weave themselves together, becoming entangled in a single, rapturous whole. It is…unlike any other experience. In some cases, it can be a truly life-changing event." The asari continued. The notion of melding and unions began making a little more sense, fitting in with some of her teachings from childhood. _Sounds a lot like that bible stuff. Two souls merging upon marriage and all that…maybe they're a lot more like us even culturally than I thought…_

"That sounds..." _Amazing? Scary? Intimidating? Beautiful?_ "…I don't even know what to think about that." Shepard noted under her breath, both fearful of and intrigued about such a possibility.

Liara gave Shepard an apologetic look, and shook her head slightly. "I fear I may be confusing you and have lost sight of why I began talking in the first place. I am not very good at this, am I?" Liara apologized, her body language slightly shrinking. "I'm sorry, Commander. I am merely trying to explain why…why asari might act how they act. For us, our relationships, our deepest connections, they are all mentally formed. We engage individuals as they truly are in all aspects of their person. The union, for us, is more than just sex, it is the life-blood of my species, the way we evolve and grow as a society. Touch, for us, is nothing in comparison. It is a means of communicating outside of the meld to others, of showing gratitude, friendship, comfort… and within certain contexts, pleasure. Touch means something entirely different to species reliant upon it for mating and communication, Shepard. For us, it is merely another language. If you can try and separate such expectations…I feel that perhaps you would feel less intimidated by other asari."

Shepard slowly nodded and worked over her thoughts. _So when Tevos touched my leg she was just being friendly? Like…friendly friendly? But then…the consort…she…if I'm allowed to use 'she'…was definitely being sexual, but…I suppose she gave her reasoning in the end, whether I accept that or not. She did kind of separate herself from it in the end, but…I mean, it was really freaking scary but also…a little exciting, wasn't it? A little enticing…maybe that's why I'm so hung up on this, because the goddamn consort touched me a little and I'm such a desperate idiot that I get nervous around all asari now. But if touch doesn't really mean anything to the rest of them, then…maybe I am a little safe. Maybe…_

"I will…definitely try, Liara." Shepard noted, before realizing she may have been making a faux pas. "Oh crap, I've been calling you by your first name this whole time, and you'd probably prefer being called Doctor, seeing as you took the time to earn that title, or even your last name, because families are important in asari culture…I'm sorry for being so clumsy tonight. Like I said, I'm really not used to this."

"It is…fine, Commander. I fear I shall not be getting much research done on the protheans in the future, throughout this mission. If you are accustomed to calling crew members by their first names, then please, do not make me an exception." The asari said. Shepard swore for a moment she saw a flicker of a smile, but chalked it up to sleepiness.

"Alright Liara. Anyway, thanks for the education on asari, I…feel I have a lot of catching up to do, so I really appreciate it. I'll try my best to get over all of this, and I'll make sure I move out of my comfort zone if necessary. I'm the commanding officer, it's my responsibility to make sure you feel welcome." Shepard stated, feeling slightly relieved that Liara hadn't stormed out of the room. Though she hadn't spoken with the doctor very much, she seemed to be reasonable, and eager to help.

"So…you do not wish me to leave the ship when we reach the Citadel?" Liara asked, requesting confirmation from Shepard. "I do not wish for you to be uncomfortable in your own ship, Commander."

"I officially request that you stay. Again, like I said before, I'd understand if you still wanted to leave, but if you stay, I'll do my very best to make sure you feel safe and valued." Shepard noted with a slight smile.

Liara let out a yawn, which became a smile soon afterward. "Thank you, Commander. This talk has been…admittedly awkward, but relieving."

"I'm glad you feel better." Shepard said, smiling. "Now get a good night's sleep. That's my first official order."

The asari merely sat in the chair and looked off to the desk where the holo-piano and Blasto plushie sat. Shepard avoided watching Liara bite her lip with indecision and instead glanced back at her desk, following her gaze.

"Will…will you play me some music before I leave?" Liara asked, shyly. Her voice was slightly above a whisper, her voice slightly groggy from the lack of sleep.

She paused for a moment as performance anxiety crept through her. Shepard felt her face blush yet again and cursed herself internally. _Well, why the hell not?_ "Sure, but only if you call me Shepard, like everyone else."

Shepard stood up and walked over to her desk, hearing an audible crunch. She stared down at the cracked tiny object and heard a gasp erupt from her mouth as her body instinctively knelt to scoop up what was left of it. She cradled the acorns in her hand for a moment, cursing herself again for ruining such a gift, and gently placed it at the top of her holo-piano as she sat on her chair. _Oh Mel, I'm so sorry…_

Her hands instinctively scrolled through the menu and settled on the sheet music for an older Clint Mansell composition, which had a title that reminded her of her sister's faith and final moments _. In your honour, I suppose…_

Her hands softly touched the keys, gracefully planting one finger after another against the holo interface, sowing the seeds of the melody; each movement continuing the narrative as her body moved in time. She knew her teacher, Joel, would criticize her posture but it wasn't important anymore. _Not during this…_ she thought, as her fingers danced their way through the woeful music. Her body lurched and tensed as she moved up octave, her teeth bit into her lip as she began putting the piece to rest, each partition of the composition an act of grief, of recovery, of acceptance. It was not a complex piece, but she felt it was fitting enough for her; a reminder of the promises they had made long ago, of the unconditional faith they had in each other.

Her fingers rested on the final note for a moment longer than necessary as she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye. Shepard turned to see the sleepy asari, whom she'd momentarily forgotten about, looking at her with concern. Instinctively, she wiped her face, thankful she hadn't cried, and gave the asari as real of a smile as she could manage.

"Um…thanks for visiting, Liara. Have a good sleep." She said softly, rubbing her face again to double check, just in case. She heard Liara give thanks near the door, and heard her exit soon after. Shepard practically flopped from her seat onto her bed in exhaustion and frustration at letting herself get lost in a haze when she stepped on the acorn. Rolling around in her sheets in order to find a comfortable spot, she realized the pain in her chest was mostly gone. _Strange…whatever…probably too tired to feel it._ She mused to herself, taking off her self-proclaimed casual military clothing, and taking a hold of her necklace that had hid beneath her tank top. _Well, Mel... I could really use you tonight, and not…not in husk form, please. I don't want to have another night like that…please…_

Shepard closed her eyes and let sleep take her, exhaustion overriding any defense she could consider putting up. She tightened her grip on the necklace as she drifted into a familiar scene.


	13. Keep Quiet

Liara sat atop a crate on the docks, watching the ships dock and flee the Citadel respectively, enjoying the organized chaos of it all. She, Tali and Shepard had left the Normandy to stretch their legs and get some supplies, but an Alliance admiral had quickly pulled the commander aside to talk about the Normandy itself. Liara's gaze flitted back to the two; the admiral seemed to be vigorously arguing something to Shepard, who just stood tall and calm against the man's verbal barrage. It was a much different Shepard than she remembered from the night she visited her. _Everything about her speaks of confidence…her posture, her eyes…_

Her mind trailed off to when she had stepped into the room, music cascading through the dimly lit room; Shepard had sat calmly in front of the device, her fingers gently maneuvering themselves across the board in time, her voice quiet and sincere. Liara hadn't been sure of whether or not the music had been a reflection of a personal story, or simply a production of another human, but hearing the woman sing about unrequited love had disturbed her plans of a brief, firm declaration that she would be leaving the ship. In hindsight, she was happy that the song had distracted her so, and pleased that the commander had wanted her to remain on board the ship. _I cannot deny it is exciting that I will have plenty of opportunity to explore both prothean involvement in this…pursuit…but also the opportunity to possibly learn about the vision from the beacon. Goddess, to believe I had resigned myself to thinking I would leave the Normandy and never learn more of it. It is such a relief that the commander has no qualms with me…but I do feel like I have more questions about her now than I had before…_

Though the unexpected musical performance had helped her in that regard, it had also shown a very different light of the human than she had expected. _Especially the one I requested. She seemed…possessed while performing, entirely different than the first, yet…it nearly put her to sleep? She rubbed her eyes a lot, and she did look exhausted, but there was something else…It had been very much like Lieutenant Alenko had said…she seems like one person and then suddenly there's something else that has changed her, something new to uncover…_ Liara mused, thinking to their conversation. It hadn't been clear at the time, despite the cues of the music, but as she continued recalling their conversation, the truth became patently obvious. The commander was lonely.

It was a strange thought for Liara to process, seeing as Shepard seemed to be, according to others, friendly and willing to take time to visit everyone, but that night opened up a different perspective. There was a sense of desperation that confused her slightly. _How is it that someone such as Shepard leads such a diverse crew, and remains in such a mindset? That…the endearing attention given to poor Tali was misconstrued by her as annoying…it is difficult to understand. The lieutenant mentioned that she has a history…perhaps past experiences have led her to such beliefs? Or perhaps she is just the opposite of me, needing social contact where I prefer solitude? Perhaps she checks in on the crew to feel more connected, but if so, why is that not enough? What balance must Shepard strike to obtain comfort? Is it merely that she misses the family that she mentioned the other night? I can relate to that…I miss mother terribly, even years after she's spoken to me, years after she cast me out. Is that what she requires? Humans are already confusing…I have a feeling she will only be more troublesome to understand. She seems so different in public…_

She was at the very least pleased about Shepard's reaction to her spiel on asari culture. It was familiar territory for asari to wade through, expectations that her species were promiscuous. _I will help her through that, hopefully, if she will allow. It would at least ensure she is more comfortable with me… or aunt Tevos, or any other asari she encounters. And…if she is lonely, perhaps I should visit her more, and then I can help her in both ways at the same time. Even if it is just me that visits her…perhaps I should discuss this with others?_

Liara paused, noticing the admiral walk away down the docks to the elevator. Her eyes wandered over to Shepard and noticed the woman looking at her thoughtfully, though the commander quickly averted her gaze off to some random ship flying behind her. _And she had breakfast with me this morning. Perhaps she will help the crew see me in a better light…I shall do my best on my own, certainly. Maybe I should ask if I can accompany the ground team on the next mission, to prove my loyalty…_ Liara hopped off the crate and roused Tali from whatever she was doing on her omni-tool, offering her hand to help her up.

"Are you still certain you wish to join us? I would not want you to exhaust yourself so soon after injury, Tali." Liara asked, concerned for the young girl's health. She was more stable on her feet the past few hours and had demanded the chance to get out and get some exercise and see the Citadel.

"Yes." Tali answered, taking Liara's hand and getting to her feet. "I really like the Normandy, but I want to see the Citadel. The last time was…not the most pleasant of times, and I'd like to sight-see a little."

Liara smiled at the quarian as they walked over to join Shepard, who was still distracted by the passing ships.

"Are you ready, Shepard?" Liara asked. The commander broke out of her reverie and glanced back and forward between the two of them, looking slightly apprehensive for a moment before her expression stilled into the same stoic form as with the admiral.

"Yeah. Let's go." She said with a smile, turning toward the waiting elevator.

* * *

"…So if I swap out one of my stabilizers for one of those barrel modifications, my shotgun will be more powerful?" Tali asked, as the trio walked through the Kithoi Ward marketplace. "Won't that added power do away with some of the gains from the remaining stabilizer?"

"Well, yes. But I figure, barrel mods are useful anyway to pretty much any weapon, and if we can get you used to working with only a single stabilizer, and then add the modification and get you used to that, it shouldn't be much of an issue. It's not really a noticeable recoil, it just overheats your gun a bit quicker. Good for killing things fast, and it gives you more stopping power. Your call though, Tali." Shepard explained, happy that the quarian had taken to the shotgun so quickly.

"Well…if it's in the name of efficiency…I'll give it a shot." Tali stated thoughtfully. "Anyways, Shepard, don't you need to get to the Spectre requisitions officer in C-sec still?"

"Yeah, I figured I'd stop there when we were all done." Shepard noted, frowning. "You feeling alright? Are you getting tired?" Shepard hadn't been very happy with Tali's plan to go visit the Citadel, considering she was still healing from her injuries and recovering from her fever. The quarian's determination and threat to go alone after Shepard left to shop were enough to get her to agree. _Still, I hope she's feeling well. I like just walking around like this. These two make for pretty good company, even if blue over there's been really quiet this whole time._

"I'm fine Shepard." Tali answered, exasperated. "I could walk for a few more hours, easily. Now let's find a rapid transit terminal." Tali finished, grabbing Shepard's hand and lugging her down the corridor. She just rolled her eyes and looked back at Liara, who appeared stunned. She gestured with her other hand to follow, prompting the asari to jog after them.

The quarian insisted on taking the controls of the skycar, much to Shepard's dismay, forcing her into the middle seat, shoulders grazing against both Tali and Liara's. She felt her body react as usual, but it was more subdued, which piqued Shepard's interest, but still frustrated her. _Liara's just a member of the crew, she doesn't want in your pants, and I don't want in hers, so there's no reason for me to feel this way. I should be fine…stupid body. I…_

Shepard's thoughts were interrupted by a loud beep from her omni-tool. She took the happy distraction and opened up her message inbox. Quickly, her happiness soured as she looked at the sender. _Sha'ira…shit_. She grumbled internally, opening the message to find it with a simple message. ' _I desire your help'. Well, if not for her, Tali wouldn't be here, so I should probably see what she wants._

"It looks like we'll have to make a quick stop on the presidium before getting more equipment." Shepard noted, closing down her omni-tool.

"Is something wrong?" Tali asked from the driver's seat, activating the autopilot as they reached the C-Sec terminal.

"Probably not. The consort's cashing in her favour, most likely." Shepard replied, annoyed that she'd be visiting the consort so soon in the day. _I needed to go to her anyway to set up a meeting with Tevos, but…well, I guess it all works out, so long as she behaves. And so long as I behave…_

"The consort?" Liara asked, her voice betraying unease. "You owe her a favour?"

Shepard shrunk in on herself a little, shrugging sheepishly. _She's probably been aware of the consort's…reputation…_

"Yeah, she… uh…helped me out a while back in finding Tali. I owe her after that." Shepard noted, looking at the asari next to her. Liara seemed to be deep in thought, brows furrowed. _Wonder if she knows Sha'ira…no Shepard, that's dumb. Not all asari happen to know each other. Seriously…_

"She helped you find me?" Tali asked, surprised. "Keelah, I'll be happy to help, if I can. I owe this consort person that much."

"Well, if it's anything strenuous, I'll make you sit out, alright?" Shepard asked, noticing Liara nearly choking beside her as she spoke _. Alright, yeah, she…definitely knows something…_

The trio exited the skycar and made their way across the presidium toward the consort's place of business, Shepard taking in the sights much like she had last time she'd been around the area _. Seriously, maybe if I make enough credits, I'll install a fountain in that lake behind my place. That would be nice…_ she thought, watching a bird fly overhead as they reached the entrance. _Well, here goes…_

Shepard stepped in and found the same receptionist from before at her post, informing her that the consort was awaiting her presence. She merely nodded and led the group through lobby and up the stairs to the door. She paused momentarily and nervously clenched and unclenched her fists, calming her breathing. _It's going to be fine…you're going to be fine…_

She activated the door controls and stepped into the chamber, noticing the lighting hadn't changed at all. The consort stood where she had before, looking at Shepard expectantly; her eyes soon tracing over Tali, and then stopping wide-eyed on Liara.

"Little Wing! Thank the Goddess you're safe!" Sha'ira exclaimed, moving swiftly but gracefully over to the doctor and embracing her in a tight hug. _Little Wing? Interesting pet name…_

The consort peeked over at Shepard, arms still wrapped around Liara. "It seems I have you to thank for this fortune as well, Commander."

Shepard just averted her eyes and tried to find something in the room to focus on that was appropriate. _Plants. I can focus on plants._

"Please, don't mention it." Shepard said, calmly, counting the leaves of one of the plants beside the consort's couch.

"I fear any leverage I had on you in the past is lost now, Commander." The consort continued, breaking the embrace and taking a good look at the younger asari. "Oh Liara, it is so good to see you again."

"I am…pleased to be in your grace again, Sha'ira. I hope I haven't worried you." Liara replied, drawing Shepard's attention. _She seems apprehensive…maybe it's not just me…_

"Hardly more than normal. The commander is very…capable." Sha'ira stated, turning her gaze to Tali. "As can be proven by the fact that you are alive, my dear. I am pleased I was able to help Commander Shepard reach you in time."

"Thank you." Tali stated gratefully, her hands clasped together in a show of gratitude.

"There is no need to thank me, I merely wish to guide those in need. I was not aware the Commander would bring company, but I am very pleased she did. What is that human expression…'the more the merrier'? Come, sit." The consort stated jovially, gesturing to the couch. Shepard took up her standard spot by the very edge of the couch, while Tali sat on the opposite portion of the L-shaped furniture.

Shepard was surprised that Liara sat next to her, leaving a comfortable yet small space between them. The consort appeared amused as she sat next to Liara. Shepard nearly sighed in relief that the doctor was a barrier between her and the consort, but felt that it would be inappropriate.

"I have been experiencing some rather baseless attacks on my reputation that have affected my business. I would ask of you only that you approach the one spreading this misinformation, and convince him to reconsider." Sha'ira explained, looking at Shepard intensely. "Judging from your abilities in the council chambers, I felt it was fitting to your expertise."

"And who would this mystery patron be?" Shepard asked, staring hard at the table in front of her as a distraction.

"I have a friend named Septimus, he is a retired turian general. I won't bore you with the details, but he wanted me to be more than I could be." Sha'ira began, her voice revealing a tinge of sadness. "We had a falling out and now he spends his days in Chora's Den drinking and spreading lies about me. He was a well known client, and his voice has damaged my reputation noticeably in just the past month. If you would speak to him, as a fellow soldier, I believe he will listen to you and let the matter be."

Shepard mulled the situation over, considering her options. _Well, I'm here, so I may as well take this to kill some time. Will be interesting to see if they've patched up that filth pit since the raid. And I do still feel like I owe her…_

"I won't make any promises of success, but I'll see what I can do." Shepard stated flatly.

"Thank you, Commander. That is all I can ask of you right now." The consort stated, relieved. "Appeal to his sense of honour. Remind him of his position as a general."

Sha'ira stood up and moved to Shepard's side, near the plant book-ending the couch, and grazed her hand across the commander's shoulder. "If you can convince him to stop spreading lies about me, I would be very grateful." The consort spoke, placing slightly more emphasis on the last two words.

Shepard's body may as well have burst into flames by how ludicrously hot she felt as blood rushed to her cheeks and elsewhere. "Like I said, I'll try." She said hastily, trying to focus on matters at hand instead of how grateful the consort could be. "Just set up a meeting with Tevos for later tonight. I need to talk with her, and…I'm sure Liara would like to see her."

"I shall make the proper arrangements, then. Certainly, Lady Tevos shall make time for you." Sha'ira said, her hand lightly touching Shepard's cheek. The commander's eyes darted over to look at the consort and was surprised that Sha'ira wasn't staring directly at her, but just past her. _Must be deep in thought…I'm sure it takes a lot of logistics to make Tevos available._

Shepard scrambled to her feet and moved quickly toward the door. "Well, I'll be back when I've done what I can." She said, stopping at the door and looking back at a smug looking consort. "Just…yeah. Thanks for setting up the appointment. Bye."

Her feet found their way out the door in record time, and she could hear Tali and Liara struggling to catch up. She felt guilty, giving Tali that kind of exercise, but she felt an immediate need to get out of there and back to the presidium. Once out, she found the nearest railing and leaned over it, trying desperately to vanquish the storm of thoughts in her mind.

"Shepard, are you alright?" Liara asked from behind her. Shepard couldn't will herself to look at the doctor and just stared straight ahead at the artificial lake.

"Fine. Don't worry about it, I just needed some fresh air." She blurted out, sounding entirely unconvincing. "Let's just get this over with, alright?"

She waited a few moments, taking the silence as agreement. Shepard looked over to her left and saw a skycar terminal. _Nope. Not the time to be shoulder to shoulder with an asari…_

"Come on, let's walk."

* * *

Garrus led Ashley through the upper part of Zakera Ward toward the medical clinic. She had wanted to be helpful in some way and at the same time honour Shepard's request for her to branch out. _Fat lot of good I've done about that…barely even talked to the guy so far and we've been getting supplies for an hour now._

She knew that the clinic was the same one that Tali had been treated at, and Garrus had made his preference for that clinic known by what little she had heard. The doctor had been one of his contacts at C-Sec in case criminals or victims of crimes came in. Ashley couldn't help but feel it was a smart tactic. _Helps fast-track the process of catching people who deserve to be in prison, that's for sure._

"So…you visit this doctor often, Garrus? This is the one that helped you track Tali, right?" Ashley asked as they neared the clinic.

"I try to stop by here and there. Now that I'm not with C-Sec it'll be tougher, but…I'll try." He stated, stopping by the door and opening the interface of his omni-tool, waving it around the building.

"What are you doing?" she asked, curious as to why he was wandering around and slowly flailing his arm around the walls.

"Scanning for any bugs. She was one of my contacts and…some people caught onto that and would bug her clinic to try and either get the drop on me when I came by, or would try to whisk whatever victims or criminals out of the clinic before I got there." Garrus explained, closing down his omni-tool. "It's clean. Let's go see the doc."

The duo walked in and it was evident that the doctor was in a heated discussion over her comm system.

"I need those supplies for my clinic, I can't!" the doctor argued, arms crossed in front of her terminal.

"You can and you will…or your story won't stay secret for long." A rough voice spoke through the comms. "Don't disappoint me, doctor."

The doctor rubbed her face in worry and turned, freezing upon seeing her and Garrus at the door.

"Oh! Garrus…I didn't see you come in…" The doctor started, looking off toward the closed off part of her clinic nervously.

"Seems like every time I come in here, someone's threatening you. Who was that? One of Barla Von's thugs? It sounded a lot like Frizian Kephue." Garrus stated, entirely disgruntled. Ashley wondered how long the turian had been helped by the doctor, and if he had helped her in the past as well.

"No, it was…someone from my past. I can take care of it Garrus. You're not C-Sec anymore, it's alright." The doctor stated softly, seemingly hoping to reassure Garrus.

"Chloe, you can tell me. I may not be C-Sec but I know they'd stick their neck out for you after all you've done, and I work with a Spectre now. If the force won't cover me, she will, so please. Let me know what's going on." Garrus asked. Ashley couldn't tell if he was pleading or demanding by the tone of his voice, but she agreed with him. It sounded like she was being shaken down, and she felt that doctors should be free of that trouble. _And he's on a first name basis? Interesting…_

"Garrus…" the doctor complained, shaking her head. Ashley watched the turian walk up to her, resting a hand on her shoulder. She couldn't hear what he was saying but the doctor eventually relented.

"Look, Garrus, it…I was fired by my previous employer for giving out free medical supplies to clinics like mine." The doctor spoke. _Jeez, her accent is kinda thick…is that French?_ "They never filed charges, they just wanted me to leave without any fuss. But somebody must have found out and now I've been getting blackmailed."

"Did anyone you used to work with have a grudge against you?" Ashley asked, speaking up for the first time.

"No, not that I remember. It doesn't matter anyway, I have to give them what they want. If the board finds out about my past, I could lose my license. They would shut the clinic down." The doctor said wearily.

"That's not going to happen, Doctor Michel. This clinic is the best one on Zakera Ward and you've helped me out too many times to get shut down by something so minor. Whatever you did in the past…it doesn't change that it was to help people." Garrus stated firmly. "Just let me know what they want, we'll get you out of this."

Ashley stood and pondered the turian's words. _She broke the law, she should be arrested but…how many lives did she save doing what she did? There's right and wrong, and then there's stuff like this. Doctors swear an oath to do no harm, to help people who need it…she just did what she swore to do, but…is it right to steal in order to do it? What kind of justice should she face for following her oath more than the law? Why can't the two just go hand in hand…would make it so much easier…_

The doctor moved over to her terminal and sat down. "I have to give some of my medical supplies to a merchant in the markets. They expect delivery today."

"Give me the contact's name, I'll deal with them." Garrus said, opening up his omni-tool.

"Garrus…they could expose my past if …" the doctor began, before the turian cut her off.

"They won't bother you again, I guarantee it." Garrus stated firmly. Ashley wasn't sure what the turian had planned, but she felt she would need to keep him in check.

"I…alright. I suppose the less I know, the better." The doctor mumbled. "I meet a merchant named Morlan, down in the lower markets."

"We'll sort this out, Doctor. Rest easy." Garrus noted simply, pivoting and moving toward the door. Ashley just gave a smile and wave to the doctor, not really knowing what else to do, as she turned and walked after the turian. She had to jog to catch up to the tall lanky ex-cop, who seemed to have a veritable fire in his eyes.

"We're not going to kill anyone, Vakarian. I don't think Shepard would like that all that much." She stated, falling in beside him.

"We'll do what's necessary to get whoever this is off her back, Williams." He answered, his tone clipped.

"Whatever your history with this doctor is, we need to stay within the limits of the law. I hate scumbags just as much as you do, but there's a right way to do this, and a wrong way. We need to do this the right way." She explained, drawing a skeptical look from the turian.

"The 'right way' ends up hurting innocents most of the time, letting criminals get away. Doctor Michel saves lives, she's saved my own and other C-Sec agents countless times. It's about principle here…her crime was harmless, these people…they're putting lives at risk. I can't stand idly by." Garrus reasoned passionately.

"So we won't, but we don't need to draw our guns to do it. You're former C-Sec, working with a Spectre. Use that to scare the hell out of whoever this Morlan guy is. Who's going to risk calling that bluff?" Ashley asked, drawing a nod from the turian.

"Fine, we'll start doing things your way, but if it doesn't work…" Garrus said, his voice trailing off as they reached a rapid transit terminal.

_If it doesn't work, we call Shepard. I should get her on autodial on my omni…_

* * *

Shepard rolled her eyes, grinning at the fact that Tali was humming the music playing in Chora's Den. The turian general had been easy to persuade, but had informed her of another unsatisfied client, Xeltan, whom he'd tricked into believing the consort betrayed his privacy and leaked information. _The kind of information one keeps very secret, apparently…_ she thought as they made their way down the ramp back toward the ward's tunnels and markets.

The club had actually looked no worse for wear, although it had already been dingy and pockmarked with bullet holes, so it was difficult to tell if anything was fixed, or just polished. Shepard had noticed Tali had primarily gazed at the floor, while Liara kept a safe distance from her. She appreciated the thought, even if it didn't make much difference. _When there's a half dozen nearly naked asari dancing rather…suggestively, I'm not really going to feel threatened by one that's fully clothed and just tagging along on the mission. But it's kind of sweet that she's trying to make sure I'm comfortable…as comfortable as I can be, considering…_

The trio passed through a doorway into one of the halls leading back to the markets when Shepard heard someone curse openly out from a ways to the side of her. She turned her head, curious as to why someone had yelled that, and froze in her tracks. _The fuck…_

"Shepard! Fuck, they told me it was you but I didn't believe it. The bitch grew up and decided to play soldier." The man said, in disbelief, pushing himself off the wall. Shepard clenched her hands and heard her knuckles crack in anticipation. _I thought he'd be in prison, or dead…_

"Tali, Liara, wait here for a minute." Shepard stated calmly, walking toward the ghost of her past. "Finch, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Is that any way to treat an old friend? You were a red once, don't forget that." Finch snarked, pulling out a cigarette, which Shepard quickly slapped from his hand.

"I was never a red, now tell me why you're here! You working with Cerberus again? What the hell are you here for?" Shepard demanded closing the space between them.

"Easy, sweet cheeks. None of the vids mention you running with us, but…that's an omission I'd enjoy fixing." Finch said, a slimy grin stretched across his face. Shepard paused for a moment, wondering why he was bringing her past up. "We got a guy, Curt Weisman, who was picked up by turians. Young kid, just doing good work. Arrested under some petty crime. I want you to go talk to the turian guard over in the Den and talk him out of the charges."

"And if I don't, you'll tell people I used to run with a gang, running red sand for you and doing all sorts of wonderfully illegal stuff." Shepard remarked, feeling relieved internally at the lack of mention of Cerberus. _Still…never can tell…_

"It's a pretty good deal, bitch." Finch noted smugly. Shepard pretended to be concerned and nodded.

"I'll have to talk to my team over there and coordinate. I'll be back in a second." Shepard noted, smiling widely as she walked back to the puzzled looking duo.

"Is there something wrong, Shepard? That man was rather…vulgar toward you." Liara asked, concerned.

"I'm fine. Just someone who shouldn't have chased me after all these years." Shepard noted, turning to Tali. "Can you overload the security feeds in the area?"

"I…I can do a ten meter radius burst. It won't be powerful, but…I think it could short out any cameras. Why do you…oh. I see…um. Hrm." Tali finished, nervously wringing her hands.

"I'm not going to kill him, if that's what you're worried about. I'd just prefer what we discuss isn't monitored for a bit." Shepard noted, ignoring the obvious concern on the asari's face next to her.

"I can…it can give you a minute. Maybe a little more, before the cameras reboot." Tali explained, opening her omni-tool.

"Perfect. Just let me know when we're good." Shepard asked as the quarian fiddled away with settings on her omni.

"Shepard, what does he want to discuss?" Liara asked, curious, her eyes darting between her and Finch.

"If I have my way, how he's sorry for what he did, and whether his gang is involved in something they shouldn't be. Otherwise, I'm not sure. He'll probably think of something." Shepard noted flatly, charging back to Finch as Tali nodded her head, a blue spark erupting from her wrist.

"You get everything sorted out with the other whor…" Finch began before Shepard's fist collided with his face. He stumbled backward into the wall and was met with a vicious knee to the midsection, folding him over. She grabbed him by the neck and threw him down a narrow alleyway, out of the sight of her crewmates.

"Are you working with Cerberus?" she asked coolly. He spat out a tooth and shook his head.

"Fuck you, bitch!" he yelled, taking a swing that went wide as he got to his feet, letting her land another knee to his ribs, the impact's audible crack resonating through the area.

"You working with Cerberus? That why you're here hassling me? I thought you had more brains than that." She growled, her left fist connecting with his head, tumbling him over.

Finch kicked out with his leg but Shepard caught it and swung him back into the wall, drawing a cry of pain from the man's lips.

"Are you working with Cerberus?" she asked politely, standing over him.

"Go to hell!" he muttered, his words complicated by the blood pooling in his mouth. She focused her biotics and gave a powerful kick to his torso, sending him into a violent coughing fit, blood spattering out with each choking breath.

As the fit subsided he looked up to her. "Fuck you…bitch. Of course…we're working with Cerberus. Never…stopped. You'll pay for this…cunt."

Shepard knelt on top of him, pulling out her knife and held his face still with one hand as he groaned from the pressure on his broken ribs. She saw his eyes bulge, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. He had admitted his guilt and he was putting her friends at risk, trying to blackmail her.

"You honestly think you could blackmail me based on my reputation when half the galaxy thinks I'm a cold-blooded, mass murdering psychopath? You're a joke." She stated playfully. Her knife came down slowly into his cheek and quickly carved its way down to his jawline. It wasn't a clean cut with the former gang leader screaming out, but it was quick and painful. She got up off his chest and walked out of the alley and calmly back to Liara and Tali, sheathing her blade.

The asari looked paler than before, and Shepard resigned herself to the fact that even if it wasn't visible, they could hear what she did and could imagine.

"Come on, let's get back to the presidium. We've got a…Xeltan…to talk to." Shepard noted calmly, walking toward one of the skycar terminals far off in the distance.

"Shepard, are you alright? Should we call help for that man?" Liara asked, edging closer to her.

"I'm fine. And he probably will be too, now that he knows he can't blackmail me or anyone else." Shepard stated matter-of-factly. "And he can't speak that way about me or my crew."

Shepard saw Liara seem to shrink away, and thought she saw some fear in the asari's eyes. _Christ…leave it to me to live up to my rep when it matters most…Fuck. What's done is done. Can't say I feel an ounce of regret._

The skycar ride was silent as a tomb, and she knew she'd have to make up for what she did somehow. _Not sure how though._ She wondered, her mind entertaining a number of possibilities.

"Who…who was that anyway?" Tali asked nervously as they stopped out in front of the embassies. Shepard gestured to a nearby bench and sat down, feeling alright with the option Tali had presented her. The two sat close enough to her to not be awkward, but far enough to give some safe space, Liara furthest away. _Well, maybe I can't keep them from being afraid, but maybe I can at least explain. Give them the facts so they can make up their own mind.  
_

Shepard felt the scar on her cheek, tracing it with a finger. "I had just turned fourteen when I met him. He'd blown up my home and had been really angry that his gang hadn't been able to kidnap me and my sister when we escaped. I was in the hospital when he came in… my sister was beside me as always. He threatened us with slavery, with violence...rape. Said he'd sell us into child prostitution rings if we didn't do what he said." Shepard began, staring off at an interesting red-leafed tree across the path.

"We didn't listen to him, and when I was released, we took an Alliance soldier's help…Captain Anderson, in his younger days…in an attempt to get away to safety. This jerk and some other shady people managed to intercept our escape from the hospital, and my sister and I were left hiding in the streets. We were fine for a while, avoided his gang until one night we made a mistake. I was fourteen, he was probably twenty, and he decided to make an example out of me. Beat me with a pipe, and cut this…" Shepard stated, pointing to her scar. "Into my face, so I'd remember him. We were lucky to get away with our lives that night."

Shepard fought the urge to pull out her necklace and clutch it, memories of her last months with her sister flooding her mind. "He's partially to blame for a lot of terrible things, and later, when I was older, he tried to kill me again. He worked with an organization that tried to kill my friends. I thought I'd dealt with his gang when I helped the Alliance blitz them, but…I guess he must have gotten away." She said, shaking her head at the thought of other red leaders getting away as well. It wasn't a pleasant thought. "Now he comes back and tries to blackmail me, he's working with the same people who put my friends…my family's lives at risk. I couldn't let him. I had to show him I could fight back this time, that he doesn't have that kind of power. And maybe…maybe I wanted a little revenge of my own."

She sat there staring at the tree for a time, hoping that even if the two didn't agree with her actions, they could understand her. That she only did what she did for a specific reason, not because she was a loose cannon psychopath. She was trying to find more words to explain herself when she felt the sensation of Tali's three fingered hand gently hugging her shoulder, filling her with relief.

"I'm sorry, Shepard." Tali said softly. Shepard shook her head slightly.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have exposed you two to that. You shouldn't have to deal with any of my personal crap, so I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Shepard apologized quietly, looking at the two beside her. "Now we should probably finish up here, I don't want to wear you out Tali."

"I am fine, but yes, we should probably get this over with. If you need more time…" Tali began, before Shepard rustled up the quarian's head covering playfully.

"Don't worry about it, I just wanted you two to know why that happened back there." Shepard said, mock wincing as Tali lightly punched her in the arm. "Ow! If you'd believe it, I actually don't like violence at all. Yet here I am, a big bad Spectre, solving problems for weird asari oracles, hunting down some big bad turian with a robot army."

Shepard got up off the bench as Tali readjusted her head covering and glanced at her two crewmates. _They look a little more at ease. Thank Christ…last thing I want is for them to feel unsafe with me._

"Well, let's see about this Xeltan…"


	14. One Day Like This

Ashley grumbled to herself as she made her way through the markets beside the former C-Sec officer. They had spent nearly a half an hour looking for the specific shopkeep with little success, and it was beginning to grate on her nerves. _We should have asked the doctor for directions before we left…we should always make sure we know where we're going…the Citadel's too big not to. Stupid!_

She cast a glance at the turian and gave a small snort. She'd taken to heart Shepard's request to get to know the crew, but she was regretting her choice. _Not that I had much of a choice…quarian engineer who would probably talk techno-babble all the time, a krogan who would sooner crush me into pulp than speak to me, most likely, and a medusa squid-head looking asari who studies dirt for a living…and finds it fascinating. Yeah, no. Ex-soldier and cop was the safer choice but…Garrus is too stubborn to ask for directions. As if asking will tip this Morlan guy off, instead of making us look like lost shoppers._

Garrus paused momentarily, scanning the area, looking for the elusive shop. _I'm sure we must have something in common…we can both shoot guns, but I can't bring that up when he's probably trigger happy enough, given the situation. Probably the same with asking for war stories…but…he hates Saren. I hate Saren._

"Garrus? Quick question." She asked, walking right up to him in order to not block the lanes of passers-by.

He shot her an annoyed stare and seemed to sigh. "For the third time, I'm not asking for directions. I don't care about that stupid human phrase about trinkets or charms or whatever."

Ashley looked at him confused for a moment before she clued in, bringing a slight grin to her face. "I was actually going to ask why you're looking for Saren."

"You're asking because I'm a turian. Would you ask a human that question?" Garrus snarked, turning his focus back to the marketplace. _Testy, much?_

"Well, I mean, I won't say that doesn't make me wonder, but…I mean, I know why I'm after him. I just…don't really know why you are." She reasoned. _Though I'll admit, I don't see why he'd throw down the gloves against a legendary turian Spectre…I just don't…_

"He's brought tremendous shame to the hierarchy. His actions disgusted turians everywhere. He needs to pay for what he's done." Garrus seethed, drawing a quirked eyebrow from Ashley.

"You're saying all turians hate him? Not sure I can believe that." She stated, trying to figure out why that would be. _I mean, I'm sure some turians out there still hate humans for the first contact war…Saren probably won some support due to what he did._

"Saren was given a duty to protect the galaxy, be its first and last defense. Turians take duty seriously. We have honour. He lost that honour when he cast aside his duty to protect, and that he lied about it…he's a disgrace to turians." Garrus said firmly, turning his focus back on her. "I need to help make this right. A turian did these atrocious things, so a turian should be there when he draws his final breath. Otherwise, we might spend generations paying for his actions."

Ashley nodded, recalling her grandfather's efforts in the first contact war. _I'm still paying for his decision…right or wrong, it's still the reality I live in. Like dad said, I have to be twice as good as anyone to be considered an equal. If Saren's really trying to destroy the galaxy then…yeah, his whole species could pay for Saren's crimes for a really long time. They could be exiled like the Quarians, maybe…_

"I can understand that, I guess." Ashley openly mused. _He's fighting for his species. Just like I am_. "I swear, when we catch that scumbag, I'm going to give him the regards of the 212."

"I heard about your unit. He couldn't even fight them himself, the coward. For what it's worth, you still carry your unit's spirit…their courage and honour." Garrus noted, pulling his gaze away from her again, his expression darkening. "And so long as you let me sink my talons into him, I'd be glad to share in doling out his punishment."

 _On that, I'm game._ Ashley thought, as her eyes caught a sign off in the distance. "Hey, look over there. There's a pasty looking Salarian running a shop, and it looks like the sign might start with an M."

The two took off toward the storefront at the same time, Williams smiling a little at the notion of her and Garrus giving Saren a once or twice over. She knew she should technically want to bring him to trial for war crimes, but she agreed with what the turian had insinuated. _It's nice to finally have some common ground…maybe this whole acquainting myself with aliens thing might actually work…_

* * *

Shepard stopped dead in her tracks as they reached their destination, having followed the turian general's directions. Her eyes were locked upon a small sign hanging above the entrance, housing two single words that both filled her with dread and uncontrollable, unprecedented apprehension. A light conversation could be heard from within that only further unnerved her as she inched toward the threshold of the doorway. She didn't need to look to the sides of her to know her companions were staring at her curiously. They did not know what danger rested beyond that boundary, or how with every passing second, uncertainty consumed her. She knew that this was a moment that had been inevitable ever since she had been made aware of them over a decade earlier. Yet, this was different; it was more potent, and unexpected. For Shepard, it would have been easier to strike up a casual conversation at a restaurant, or a shop, but she wasn't prepared for anything of this magnitude.

"The elcor embassy…" she mouthed, looking at the sign in horror.

She heard Tali ask something from her right, but she hadn't been entirely listening. Shepard turned her head to the quarian.

"What?" she asked, certain that she looked troubled, but she couldn't hide such emotions in the face of such potential turmoil.

"Are you okay? This Xeltan person should be inside, right?" Tali asked, her head angled as a show of curiosity.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. Probably inside there." Shepard stated blankly, turning her gaze back to the sign.

"We should get this over with. I would prefer our business be finished with the consort as soon as possible." Liara stated, spurring Shepard on. She knew she'd have to go in and talk to an elcor, for the first time in her life, and couldn't help but feel that the potential of her making a fool of herself was drastically high.

"Yeah. I guess so." She stated taking slow steps through the doorway, controlling her breathing and trying to stay calm as the first of a number of elcor came into view. _Mother of Christ they're all huge! They're as big as…NO. No, I can't even think of that right now! Augh!_

Shepard moved a few more steps into the fairly large room and noticed a small meeting area to her left where a number of elcor were talking, a small nook with a nice view of the presidium off at the far side of the room, and a long desk off to the right hand side of the room where a sole elcor rested behind, talking to a volus and an elcor.

She steadied her breathing and tried to clear her thoughts as best she could, closing her eyes to gain a semblance of willpower. "Is there a Xeltan here, by any chance?" she asked loudly, but surprisingly politely. _N7 didn't goddamn train me for this…_

A few seconds later she heard the dull stomps of an elcor moving toward her; she opened her eyes to see an unsurprisingly generic looking elcor wearing a tremendously flashy silver and blue sash over its back. _Or head, or neck, or bum…I'm really not sure at all…_

"Curious. I am not acquainted with you human. How do you know of me?" the elcor asked, its mouth flaps vibrating gently as it spoke.

Shepard had a hard time looking at Xeltan without staring in wonder. _They really do look like it…_

"I was told by a friend to find you, his name is Septimus." Shepard stated as calmly as she could manage.

"Sincere apology. I am sorry, human, but I am here on business and cannot be distracted right now." Xeltan replied.

"Firmly. Xeltan, you have continued to bring up these allegations with no evidence to support them. I understand that this may be a serious…" the Ambassador behind Xeltan announced, before the other elcor began to spin slowly around, cutting him off.

"Undauntedly. This is serious. My reputation is at stake. I spoke to the consort in confidence, and her alone. And she betrayed that confidence." The silver-garbed elcor responded, in the same monotonous tone that made it nigh impossible to tell who was speaking unless she focused on their mouth flaps.

Shepard took a small step forward biting back her fear of embarrassing herself for a moment, hoping to get the event over quickly. "I'm actually here to talk to you about your problem… if you don't mind."

"Curious. What do you know about the consort and her relationship to me?" Xeltan asked, slowly turning back to face her.

"I know that you are a client of hers and…" she started, taking a breath once she realized she'd been holding one. "I know who revealed your secret. It was a turian. The Septimus I mentioned before."

"Unbelieving. I know this Septimus, and he could not learn of my secrets. The only way he could learn them is from the consort." Xeltan explained. Shepard shook her head slowly.

"That's…uh…actually not true." Shepard stated, pulling out the datapad Septimus had provided her with. "You should take a look at this."

The elcor's left front hand raised off the ground and politely took the object from Shepard's grasp and read it over.

"Confused. This is difficult to fathom. If the turian could learn this on his own…" Xeltan began, pausing for a few moments as his eyes blinked away. "Dismayed. Anyone else can discover my secret."

"Septimus is a powerful man. It wasn't easy for him to find." Liara piped in from Shepard's side.

"Relieved. I suppose you are correct, asari. Thank you for this information. Startled realization. I must speak with the consort immediately. With much disappointment. She will be most displeased with my actions." Xeltan stated, handing back the datapad. "Anxious request. Please, human. If you will excuse me, I must go now."

Shepard stepped out of the way and watched as the big elcor lumbered its way to the doorway and out.

 _Well, that went better than expected…_ she thought, grinning in relief.

"Thankful. That was a great thing you did, Commander. Approving. You see, Din, not all humans are as you say." The ambassor spoke, startling Shepard back into reality.

"I'm sure the earth-clan stands to profit from this in some way." The volus grumbled. Shepard just wanted to leave, but she saw Tali pivot at the volus' words and march over. _Christ, help me._

"You shouldn't make those kind of accusations! It isn't fair to paint a whole species like that!" the quarian spoke loudly and firmly. She felt a swell of pride and gratitude for Tali's words, but the recurring unease was gnawing away at her as she realized she was about to get drawn into yet another elcor-based conversation.

"Apologetic, do not listen to my volus compatriot. It was a good thing you did, regardless of your intentions." The ambassador noted. "I am Ambassador Calyn. Genuine query, is there something I can do for you this day?"

"Why do you even bother, Calyn? This earth-clan will most likely stumble over your appearance and way of speaking, like most earth-clan do." The volus interjected.

"Actually your way of speaking is kind of…intriguing? And your species look…" Shepard began, before getting tongue tied as a storm of thoughts whirled in her mind. _Don't say 'like space-elephants'. Don't say 'like space-elephants'. Don't say 'like space-elephants'._ "Like…uh…sp…well, you look noble? I guess." She managed, desperate not to say the thought festering in her mind. _That was too close_.

"With restrained mirth. Thank you for the compliments, Commander. It is nice to have another species feel intrigued by our kind." Calyn stated flatly.

"If I understand well, Shepard is quite interested in learning about culture. I am sure she would love to learn more about elcor societies, beliefs and rituals." Liara stated, and Shepard couldn't tell if the asari was simply naïve, or playing with her elcor-related insecurities.

Either way, she felt they were treading into dangerous territory, with no end in sight.

* * *

Shepard shook her head as she and her two companions made their way back through the embassies, grumbling to herself about how bad of an idea it was to tell Xeltan, and how much the consort would owe her for it. It hadn't taken long for her to realize the other two were having fun at her expense, egging the ambassador on to inform them of seemingly every bit of elcor history and culture one could imagine. _And they kept prodding me to keep going, and ask or answer questions…all I wanted was to get the hell out of there… and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those darn kids!_

"Shepard, you seem to be walking a little fast." Tali noted playfully; Liara's barely restrained giggles following suit. She just shook her head and slowed her pace a little, hoping it wasn't too rough on Tali's still-recovering body.

"Just want to get this over with." Shepard said flatly, turning her head to face the doctor. "I thought we were on the same page, Liara."

The asari couldn't help but grin a little, and covered her mouth quickly in an attempt to hide it. "I just found it amusing that elcor unnerved you so." She said, calming her expression. "They are such a gentle species."

"Yeah, well, some people are freaked out by vorcha, or spiders. Not that I'm freaked out by elcor. They just…confuse me." Shepard explained, turning the corner into the main lobby of the Embassies, making a beeline for the exit.

"Shepard…you cannot compare Elcor to spiders." Tali noted firmly.

"I'm not saying they're alike or anything, I'm just saying that some people don't like spiders, even though they're pretty much harmless. Elcor are pretty much harmless too, and they're sentient, so they're pretty much generally alright." Shepard said, knowing that she wasn't making much sense. _Not that I feel like explaining it to them…_

"Elcor don't have eight, long and spindly, gross, hairy, menacing legs, and tiny little creepy eyes and razor-sharp little fangs for teeth, and… eurgh!" Tali ranted, sounding altogether disgusted. Shepard made a mental note to check the Normandy for spiders.

"Is this another one of your…how did you call it…'hang-ups'?" Liara asked, looking sidelong at Shepard.

"Yes, and it has been for a long time, so if we could just change the topic that would be fantastic." Shepard said exasperatedly, wanting to get forget the whole debacle at the embassies ever happened. Not that it was necessarily a debacle, as she'd made some form of ally in the elcor ambassador, and ended on at least good terms with the random volus diplomat that was there. She just didn't want to be face to face with an elcor again, any time soon.

"So…how long have you known the consort?" the quarian asked, sounding slightly more eager for an answer than Shepard was comfortable with. _Great, from one frying pan into the other…_

"I met her the evening that I found you." Shepard noted flatly, starting across the walkway bridging both sides of the presidium.

"Oh. She seems rather…friendly." Tali said, sounding a little surprised. "I just figured you'd known her for a while, from the way she was around you."

"The consort is …friendly… around all of her clients." Liara piped in, sounding slightly annoyed. Shepard nodded her head, taking Liara at her word. _Sha'ira's just…trying to make people comfortable, I guess, even if they don't feel like it, or feel comfortable with her…_

"She's nice and all, really. She's just a little forward sometimes." Shepard said. "She doesn't mean anything by it, I don't think."

Shepard slowed her pace, seeing Xeltan of all people leaving the consort's, but luckily he veered off toward the marketplace. _Thank Christ…that would have been really weird…_ she thought, stepping into the Consort's abode. Sha'ira's attendant signaled them in quickly, with a smile. The trio walked silently through the lobby, laughter and vibrant discussions filling the room to the point where there was no real point of continuing their conversation.

 _Let's just get this over with, get the meeting with Tevos over with, and then I can maybe get some rest._ She mused, pressing the controls for the door, which quickly slid open. Shepard stepped inside and was quickly ambushed by the consort, who gracefully crossed the floor to meet her with a gentle hug.

"I just received a lovely note from Septimus, Commander. Thank you for speaking with him." The consort purred into Shepard's ear, her arms holding her possessively, as if she wished Shepard's body could melt into her. "Even the elcor diplomat has withdrawn his campaign against me. You have my heartfelt thanks, Shepard."

She felt the familiar heat and rush of blood, and closed her eyes in order to better focus on matters at hand. "It was an honour." She said, the words stumbling quickly from her mouth. Sha'ira broke the hug slowly and kept one arm firmly around Shepard's waist.

"You are too kind, Commander." The consort said softly as she gently, but deliberately, guided Shepard toward the nearby sofa, walking side by side. "But I would not expect you to help me solely out of the kindness of your heart." She finished, her hand slowly moving downward from her waist. As they reached the furniture, she guided Shepard to a sitting position and nestled up close to her. _I should have worn armor…_

Shepard felt frozen in place as the consort grazed her hand against her cheek. _Goddamnit…why can't I just get up and walk out of here? I should just leave. I should go…_

"You have done a remarkable deed for Thessia, Commander, and you have won my favour in that. Yet, you have also done a great deed in helping me keep my profession alive." The consort breathed into her ear, her voice as sensual of a siren song as ever, sending a chill through Shepard's body. "How shall I ever repay you?"

"Honestly, it's…fine." Shepard spoke, her words strained as she fought to keep focus, to not simply melt against Sha'ira's touch, which had moved down to her upper thigh.

"I do not feel comfortable leaving myself in another's debt, Commander. Surely you can understand." Sha'ira whispered, her breath hot against Shepard's cheek, her hand tantalizingly massaging her inner thigh. "I have something to give you…if you are interested." She spoke, a fair bit louder this time.

Shepard opened her eyes and noticed Tali lingering by the door anxiously, Liara nowhere in sight. _Please…don't leave me alone with her, Tali…_ she thought, sending the quarian a pleading look. The quarian stood still for a moment, but then quickly exited the room. _Gah! Traitors! Come on…_ she agonized internally, turning her head away from the consort in frustration.

"It seems your friends have left us to our own devices." The consort purred, pulling away from Shepard slightly. "You can relax if you'd like, Shepard. I certainly won't bite."

She exhaled for the first time in a while, catching her breath as she attempted to calm herself down. _Christ, I'm trembling…_

"Yeah, well, you could have fooled me." Shepard breathed out, still feeling a little off balance, still feeling echoes of the consort's touch all over her. _My god…_

"Commander, please. Have I not only used my hands to show my affection?" the consort asked, sounding somewhat appalled. "I assure you, my goal was nothing so primal as that."

"And what the hell is your goal?" Shepard asked, running her hand through her curls, frustrated at the asari's actions.

"Short term, to have your friends give us time alone. My over-arching goal? To normalize you to touch. To show you that despite the intimacy, there is nothing it will escalate into, unless you vocalize such a desire." The asari stated, matter-of-factly. Shepard's eyes nearly bulged out of her head.

"So you're just playing a game with me?!" she growled, turning her focus to the consort, who in turn leaned up against her, resting her soft, cerulean hands upon Shepard's shoulders.

"Not a game, no." Sha'ira said quietly, kneading her shoulders gently. "You let me touch you. You react to it. Your body enjoys my touch, and perhaps it even yearns for it."

Shepard turned her face away from the blue body resting up against her, unsure exactly what to do in her predicament aside from blush fiercely. _I should just leave, right now. Just get up and walk away and…_

"It is not wrong to feel pleasure, Shepard." Sha'ira continued, resting a hand on the commander's. "Your body and mind are in dissonance. Your body reacts positively to touch, yet your mind abhors it. Yet… your mind lets it happen. I merely want to help you understand why."

Shepard found herself jumping off the couch and onto her feet at the remark. "And you, for some reason, know anything about that?" she asked, feeling angry at the asari's assertion. She looked down at the consort and noticed her still holding onto her hand. She wrested it free and shook her head. "Well go on. Amuse me, tell me what the fuck is wrong with me."

"Commander, I do not know the depths of your experiences, I merely have a talent for…reading people." The consort spoke, standing up from the sofa, her legs carrying her to slowly circle Shepard. "I see you...your uniform fits as though you were born wearing it. You are a soldier through and through. Proud, solitary...alone, but it gives you strength, does it not? Becoming the sole protector of your ideals, controlling their fate?"

Shepard felt the consort's fingertips graze her shoulder blades, making her wish more than anything that she was wearing armor.

"It may be that strength that draws people to you. It is why you lead and others follow. You will need leadership in the battles to come." Sha'ira continued. "Yet that strength you gain from solitude will not hold forever. Your ideals will become appropriated by others, and their weight will bury you unless you give up that control and let others in, let others share that role."

"For it is not the only strength you house, Shepard, and it has failed you in the past. I see the sadness behind your eyes. It tells a story that makes me want to weep. There is pain, loss, sacrifice…but it drives you. It makes you strong as well. You don't hide this strength either. It has created a series of reputations that serve you, that terrify your foes and endear your friends. Few will dare stand against you, and as more flock to your side, so will your reputation change." Sha'ira noted, stopping in front of Shepard. "This may be who you are, but it is not who you will become. It only forms the basis of your future. Open yourself to change, Commander. Open yourself to the future."

Shepard stood there, baffled at how the consort had spoken as accurately as she had of her. _Do others…can everyone else see through me so easily?_

"So what, I need to stop trying to control everything?" Shepard asked cautiously.

"You need only give up degrees of it. You need to listen to your body and stop trying to control what sensations are right, and which are wrong. If you are to let your mind dictate your body, you should utilize it…think about each touch, each encounter, before you make your verdict. Allow yourself to explore, to give others an opportunity to communicate with you, to help you. I would like for you to set that as a personal, short-term goal." The consort stated, taking a step toward her.

"I'm not too excited about that kind of goal, to be honest." Shepard noted nervously. "Why do you even care?"

"My purpose in life is to guide those in need, as I have stated many times in the past. You have needs Commander, but you must change in order to meet them. I am merely trying to guide you down that path, to not see all touch as revolting. Affection from one person to another is merely positive communication, and you are a worthy subject. You may not believe that now, but I believe you will one day, with some help." The consort said, taking Shepard's hand and leading her toward the exit. As they reached the steel doors, Sha'ira pulled her into a hug, but Shepard noticed it felt different, less possessive. _Nice, even…_

"I am eternally thankful for your efforts here today, Spectre. I wish you well in your pursuits." The consort whispered, resting her head gently on Shepard's shoulder.

Shepard stood there and returned the hug for a few moments before breaking it off. _Today just keeps getting goddamn stranger and stranger. Goal…achieved? Partially? Was that the point?_

"Um, if I may ask, did Tevos get back to you?" Shepard asked, as she rubbed the back of her neck nervously.

"She did indeed. I apologize for not bringing it up earlier." The consort apologized kindly. "You are to meet with her at her home in three hours."

Shepard winced at the amount of time, having wanted to get it over with sooner. "That's a lot of time. Why the wait? Don't Council hours end… pretty much right now?" she asked, checking her chrono.

"Yes, I arranged for you to have a reservation at a client of mine's restaurant, as a measure of thanks." Sha'ira mentioned with a smile. "It is but a meager gift in return for you keeping Little Wing safe. And I am certain that, given her tendency to neglect food and drink during her studies, let alone sleep, that you both could use some nourishment and relaxation before meeting with the Councilor. The restaurant also has many highly regarded dextro-dishes for your quarian friend."

Shepard's eyebrows raised at the explanation. "You…want to feed us?"

"It would please me to know that you were able to enjoy yourself while on the Citadel, Shepard. I can tell that today has not been easy for you." Sha'ira noted. "Now, I am sorry to rush you out the door, but I have other clients waiting."

"Oh! Alright. I, uh…thanks. I'm sure Liara and Tali will appreciate having some real food for once." Shepard said, exiting the room. She looked over her shoulder to see the consort leaning casually up against the doorframe, offering a polite wave.

"Take care, Commander."

* * *

Liara gripped the railing overlooking the presidium's pool, feeling guilty for leaving, and frustrated by the consort's actions. She couldn't help but worry that the consort would be too tormenting for Shepard to handle. _Not two days ago she confessed about her unease around how other asari, including Sha'ira, obviously, have acted toward her. With that fresh in my mind I flee. I am such a fool!_ She thought to herself, agonizing over the situation. _I had protected Shepard earlier today as best I could, but I refused to interject just now…I know it would be against custom and be a great shame, but…oh I fear that she will experience more trauma. Sha'ira was always overtly sensual… ever since I first met her, it has been evident. And how she would pass her gaze to me every time she touched the Commander, daring me to respond, looking at me as if I would be jealous rather than dismayed that she was doing such a thing to her…_

Liara let out a sigh as her posture slumped. _And I let Shepard fall into her grasp. Not that there was truly anything I could have done about it…and Shepard was responding to her touch. She wasn't outright rejecting the consort, yet…it would be too soon for her to come around on what I had explained to her, and she seemed sincere that night…oh why are humans so confusing…_

"Liara?" The asari swiveled around, catching Tali emerging back onto the presidium. She couldn't help but pale at the sudden realization that Shepard was now alone with the consort. "Why did you leave?"

Liara instinctively bowed her head, feeling terrible for her exit. "I was feeling slightly…uncomfortable."

The quarian walked over to the railing, resting her back against it. "I um…I wasn't sure it was appropriate for me to…stay. So I left." Tali mumbled. Liara was thankful that the quarian's vocalize was as clear as it was, otherwise it could have sounded like a burst of warbled white noise. "Are Shepard and the consort…" she asked, her voice trailing off, seeking an answer.

"Sha'ira has clients, not partners. This is…merely what she does." Liara explained, feeling guilty over the bitterness in her tone. She had no specific hate for the Matriarch, but she knew that she could cause Shepard more harm.

"But a lot of asari seem to act that way…does it bother you?" Tali asked curiously.

"The myth of asari promiscuity is just that…a myth. Some asari take work as dancers to gain experience, and many asari are comfortable with their sexuality, and sensuality, but it is not something all asari do inherently and publically. The consort is just a different type of dancer, and since Shepard is…nevermind." Liara explained, meekly cutting herself off before revealing Shepard's issue.

"What about Shepard?" Tali asked, her head tilting to the side. She knew she'd piqued the quarian's interest, and feared the young engineer wouldn't let it go.

"It is something I feel that Shepard told me in confidence. I do not wish to betray such trust." Liara reasoned, getting skeptical body language from Tali in return.

"If there's something you're not telling me that puts Shepard in danger…" the quarian started before Liara frantically cut her off.

"Oh Goddess, no! It is nothing so…dangerous. I merely fear the consort will make Shepard less comfortable around my kind due to her behaviour." Liara said, feeling a little bad that she even let that much of the truth out. She had never been a good liar.

"But…what if the consort is trying to help her? What if she helps? She helped Shepard find me, she can't be all bad." The engineer noted, shrugging her shoulders.

"I highly doubt Sha'ira will have the foresight to realize that she is making asari seem like sexual predators. I doubt that she will manage to help Shepard. I think she needs someone with a more careful approach, who can actively disprove the stigmas around the asari people." Liara reasoned, turning her gaze to the glowing fountains in the pools.

"And that someone is you?" Tali asked playfully. Liara mentally swatted away any reasons for Tali using that tone and focused on the matter at hand. "You want to do that for Shepard?"

"I am already aboard the Normandy, and I am a high-standing citizen of the asari republics. If I must be a representative of my people because there is a lack of another to fill the position, then I shall gladly take it up." Liara stated firmly. "It isn't a matter of wanting to be some avatar of knowledge or anything of the sort. You enjoy that Shepard learns quarian culture from you, because it is nice to be understood. It is nice to have someone to talk to about your culture and experiences. I merely want Shepard to get similar treatment from me, without the consort tearing down any progress with her…touch."

"And if the consort wanted Shepard? Like…you say that she treats other clients like this, but…if she's doing this, and she wants to do this to Shepard…what are you doing out here? Why not go in there and get her away from her?" Tali asked, bringing Liara to the decision that she was rather tired of Tali's inquisitiveness.

"I have no choice. I cannot interrupt a Matriarch, especially one as powerful as her. I am merely a maiden. There is nothing I could do to dissuade Sha'ira, and nothing that I could to do keep Shepard away if Sha'ira demanded her presence. Matriarchs get what they want, maidens generally cannot oppose their will." Liara explained tiredly, feeling terrible about the whole ordeal.

"That…is the silliest thing I've heard all day, and I've listened to Shepard stumbling over talking to elcor. We should go in there and get her out, if she's not going to be happy about being there." Tali insisted, pushing herself off the railing, only for Liara to catch her arm.

"Please, it is a bad idea to intrude. Even…even if I prefer that the commander not be involved with her. She is strong-willed, I trust that she will be fine." Liara stated, seeming to quell the quarians's resolve.

"Did…I miss something?" a voice called out from behind her. Liara turned to see a frazzled looking Shepard staring at the two of them with amusement.

"Shepard! I…didn't hear you approach. Are you well?" Liara asked, looking Shepard over to see if she was hurt in any way. She had heard stories of Sha'ira, and she didn't want to rule anything out.

"I'm alright, just…a lot on my mind. We're meeting Tevos in three hours." Shepard replied simply, bringing a smile to Liara's face _. It will be so nice to see aunt Tevos again…_

"That is wonderful, thank you." She said, feeling a wave of relief. _Perhaps she will know something about mother…_

"Yeah, and Sha'ira apparently set up a reservation at a nice restaurant while we wait." The human woman noted nonchalantly, turning to face Tali. "And if you're feeling up to it, there's some nice dextro stuff there, apparently. It'd be nice if you could come, but I know the fever's kind of taken a toll on you."

"I…think I'll have to sit out, but thanks Shepard. I'll call Garrus and gunnery chief Williams to bring me back to the ship." Tali said apologetically. Liara swore the quarian was looking at her as she continued. "I hope you two have a nice night, though."

Liara nearly blushed at the tinge of amusement audible on Tali's words, averting her gaze back to the pools. _Shepard is not the only confusing person on the ship. Tali is perplexing as well. I cannot comprehend why she would find amusement in a dinner Sha'ira donated, or a reunion with Tevos. Perhaps it there was a cultural reference made that I was not aware of…or perhaps her translator glitched and there was a missed joke that she stated…_

"Well, we'll at least escort you to C-Sec. Garrus and Ashley should be able to meet you there soon enough. Is that fine?" Shepard asked the quarian. The trio slowly walked down the presidium, toward the walkway, Liara fading her focus away from the other two's conversation. She couldn't help but feel a little relieved that Shepard seemed to be fine and calm, and couldn't help but wonder what the consort did in her absence.

_Perhaps I shall ask over dinner…_


	15. I'm Still Here

Liara slowly navigated her way through the restaurant's menu, both excited about the selection of quality food, and nervous over the reason for the surprise dinner arrangements. She didn't feel she was well enough acquainted with Sha'ira for it to be a gift for her sake, nor did she feel she was on good enough terms with the Matriarch. _She was close friends with mother and aunt Tevos, but she had only rarely looked at me, or addressed me, prior to today. Yet, Shepard…_ she broke her thought process for a moment and glanced across the small table to the commander, too distracted with the menu to notice her staring. _There is no possible way that Sha'ira…gained pleasure from Shepard and gave this as a reward, and the menial task we accomplished for her certainly didn't warrant this…_

She had been to Zhenaire's only twice before, as it was, much like the consort, available to an exclusive clientele only, and even they had to suffer through long waiting lists. She had been thankful for Shepard's request for a secluded booth when they entered, as their choice of clothing had not been traditionally appropriate for such an upscale establishment, especially her being a T'Soni. _It was kind to let us in, in such a state…though I wonder, would Shepard ever wear something more traditional? I can hardly imagine her in a dress, or a robe, or… but…perhaps that is a question for another time…_

When they had entered the booth, she could feel the relief swell off of Shepard, who had seemed to be feeling similar concerns. They hadn't spoke to each other since entering though, and she wondered whether Shepard was feeling uncomfortable after the meeting with Sha'ira, or if something else was troubling her. _I know I tend to be comfortable in silence but she does not seem the type…perhaps she is merely too engrossed with the menu to focus on anything else, let's not jump to conclusions Liara…_

Liara cast her gaze back to her menu and decided to start with a glass of Jihliq. The vibrant violet juice had been a favourite of hers since she had been a child. However, she had difficulty choosing main platters, what with so many childhood favourites clearly displayed on the menu; instead she briefly scanned through the 'human cuisine' portion of the menu for a starter, feeling adventurous enough to attempt something Shepard may be familiar with.

"Sh…Shepard? May I ask you a question?" Liara asked, breaking the long-standing silence. The human looked up from the menu cautiously, her teeth slightly gnawing on the left portion of her bottom lip, her eyes a strange mixture of copper and sea green. She willed her eyes back to her menu nervously, feeling a strange, foreign ache in her chest. _Am I merely nervous, wondering about Sha'ira, or that perhaps Shepard has changed her mind and cannot have me on board the ship any longer? And where did that sinking feeling come from? Should I see Doctor Chakwas about it when I return to the Normandy? I think I should, if she would be so kind…_

"Uh, yeah. Ask away…" she heard the woman say, her voice betraying anxiety. _She must be tremendously uncomfortable with me here. Perhaps I should leave and let her enjoy…no, it would be terribly rude to leave after such a reservation was made, and after having ordered a drink already. I must stay and…hope I do not unsettle Shepard further._

"Is there an…'appetizer'… on the human menu that is similar to…oh, what was it called…the…" Liara said, her words stumbling out as her eyes lifted and met Shepard's, derailing her train of thought. She willed herself to glance back down to the menu and took a breath in an attempt to focus. "There was this white meat in one of those boxed meals…"

"You're eating the MREs?" Shepard asked, looking stunned as Liara peeked up at her. The woman's lips slowly curled up into a bright smile, her amusement evident. "You're crafty. I've been wondering why we've been running so low on MREs lately. Normally biotics get tubes but…and I knew Wrex wasn't eating the damned paste tubes, but yeah, alright…yeah. Anyway, I think the word you're looking for is 'chicken'. If there's anything similar to chicken on the menu."

"Is it a problem that I am eating the boxed meals? I…did not favour the tubes…" Liara said shyly, feeling as if she'd done something she wasn't supposed to.

"It's no problem. Just more cost effective to feed tubes to biotics because of how much we eat. If you enjoy the MREs…or even just prefer them over the tubes, that's fine with me." Shepard said with a smile, reassuring Liara's fears were unfounded. "And it looks like there's a starter with glazed duck…duck's like chicken. You'd probably like it if you could at least stand the chicken MRE."

Liara nodded slowly and scanned through the menu for the item Shepard mentioned, ordering it while she still felt she had the will to do so. She then flitted back through to the asari section, choosing a small kiaurthi salad and a plank of gerr'hong. She had fond memories of returning from biotics training, where Shiala would have one of the freshly caught fish ready on the dining table for her. _She never would tell me which spices she used on it…_ she mused, as the wave of nostalgia passed. _I last had this a month after graduating from the University…has it been so long already? Mother had stopped even sharing smiles with me then…when was the last time that…_

"Liara?" she heard called out, snapping her away from her thoughts. Her eyes refocused and found Shepard staring at her with concern. _Oh Goddess…did mother not teach you to always be attentive in front of guests or peers? Although…I am her guest and…I am certainly not exactly her peer…_

"Are you alright?" the woman asked, leaning forward slightly in her seat; her arms resting casually on the table, her eyes gently meeting hers, her voice softly filling their space.

 _She is asking me if I am fine, when she was…molested by Sha'ira less than an hour ago?_ She thought to herself, her face contorting slightly in confusion. "Yes, Shepard, I am fine. I was more worried about you, if I am to be honest. I am terribly sorry for…abandoning you when we returned to Sha'ira's."

Shepard blushed, eyes darting away from her gaze, again evoking the dull ache in Liara's chest. _Oh, I have certainly failed her…_

"It's fine. The consort just likes toying with me, but…I don't know, she's not all bad." The human said sheepishly. Liara couldn't help but feel frustrated at how Shepard seemed to be downplaying the matter.

"Your sense of comfort should be respected more by her. If she is such a visionary, she should know that her touch torments you." Liara stated hastily, trying her best to control her anger.

"I think she's doing her best to help, in her own way. Just not sure if it'll work, in the end." Shepard said, offering a shrug.

Liara crossed her arms and stared the women down skeptically. "And touching you all over, practically ravaging you…that's supposed to help?" she asked bluntly, wholly skeptical of the possibility. "I cannot see how, if you dislike the touch."

"It's really not that simple…" Shepard started, before her eyes went wide. "And if it's alright, I'd rather not talk about that. It's a lot to digest, and I know you just want to help, and I really appreciate your effort today, but…can we talk about something else?"

Liara nodded in agreement; somewhat confused over the partial answer she was given, and somewhat relieved at the request. She didn't want thoughts of Sha'ira's actions to spoil her dinner.

"Is there any topic in specific you're interested in discussing?" she asked, sending the human deep into thought for a few moments.

"Uh, nothing specific, I guess. Heck, tell me about yourself, Liara. It's not like we're all that well acquainted, but we may as well be if we'll be on the same ship together for a while." Shepard said, her hazel eyes glimmering with curiosity.

"Me? I am afraid I am not very interesting, Shepard. I spend most of my time on remote digs, unearthing mundane items buried in long-forgotten prothean ruins." Liara stated, wishing that she had taken the initiative to ask about Shepard, rather than have the focus placed on her. She worried she would bore the soldier to tears, more than anything.

"That actually sounds interesting… and I'm sure they aren't mundane to you. Do you work with a team, or do you go solo like on Therum?" the woman asked, as a furry strip above her right eye rose in apparent inquisitiveness. _Those seem much like my facial markings…I have seen other humans with similar ones, and some of the male sex with large protruding ones near their mouths and jaw line…I wonder how they occur? I should research it later tonight…_

"I tend to work alone ever since an incident seven years ago with some graduate students, who were selling my findings away to the highest bidder. Not that it gained them many funds, mind you." Liara explained, shaking her head at the foolishness of her former employees.

"That sounds…kind of dangerous and…I don't know. Being alone for so long must be tough." Shepard said, her eyes seeming to darken slightly as a look of concern shifted over her face.

"Sometimes I would run afoul of indigenous life forms, or stumble across a small band of mercenaries or privateers…but I was always careful. Until the geth found me on Therum, I never found myself in any situation that my biotics could not handle." Liara stated, recalling the plethora of harmless past encounters she'd had to face. "As for the solitude…well, that is one aspect that most appealed to me. Sometimes, I just need to get away from other people." She finished quietly, expecting a look of confusion or amusement, expressions she was far too familiar with when discussing the topic, but was merely met with a kind smile from the woman.

"Good to know. Any reason why?" Shepard asked simply. _Truly? No…snide remarks about being a shut-in, or joking about how I'm not as adventurous as I should be, or could be with the help of some non-asari…? No…I suppose it would be horrible to project such assumptions onto Shepard…I am such a fool sometimes…_

"I suppose it comes from being a Matriarch's daughter, especially one with Benezia's status. People expected me to follow in her footsteps, they wanted me to become a leader of our people, to do like my mother does and guide my house's followers into the future." Liara explained, pausing apprehensively as she weighed whether or not to continue. "Maybe that's why I became so interested in the secrets of the past. It…sounds foolish when I say it out loud. It sounds as if I became an archaeologist simply to spite the Matriarch."

The human pushed herself away from the table slightly, stretching her back a little bit; a barely audible grunt of pleasure sounding from the human. Liara's chest felt strange again, and she fought a frown as the human leant back forward. "It doesn't sound foolish to me. People take interest in what they're exposed to, I guess, but we can also decide that stuff's not for us. You made your decision based on what you thought was… interesting. That's part of growing up." Shepard noted, her words welcome and reassuring.

"The Matriarch always told me that all children rebel against their parents. For so long, I felt foolish, that maybe she was correct. I am happy you are not of that mind, Shepard." Liara said, feeling a smile tug at her lips. "But there was more to it than that. I felt drawn to the past. The protheans were these wondrous, mysterious figures. I wanted to know everything about them."

Liara paused and drew her eyes away from the human's, feeling as if she was prattling on like a stereotypical maiden, and hoping that she wasn't boring the commander.

"Perhaps that is why I find you so fascinating. You were marked by the beacon on Eden Prime, you were…you were touched by prothean technology and not only lived, but have memory of it!" Liara exclaimed, unable to restrain her excitement over the prospect of someone having a message from a prothean beacon existing in their mind.

Shepard merely looked at her strangely, with what seemed to be amusement, fear, or both. "Sounds like you want to dissect me in a lab somewhere." The woman said, a slight tinge of pink filling her cheeks.

"What? No! I did not mean to insinuate…" Liara couldn't help but feel her heart seize at the statement, as a crippling fear ran through her core that she'd said something terribly wrong. _Oh Goddess, what have I done?! I must have…did the translator fail? Or did something I said have a different cultural meaning than I could have anticipated? Oh, Liara, you are so dense! You've gone and upset her! You probably haven't even gotten into the details of what an archaeologist does! For all she knows, you're a different type of medical doctor, or a scientist or…oh Goddess…_

"Ah, I never meant to offend you, Shepard. I only meant that you would be an interesting specimen for an in-depth study…" She rambled, cutting herself off as the flames of embarrassment engulfed her. "No! I…oh Goddess, that sounds even worse!"

As she brought her eyes back to Shepard, preparing to beg for forgiveness, she noticed the woman looking both amused and slightly dazed; her face a baffling shade of red that only served to worry Liara. _Oh Goddess, is she angry at me? Or is she suffering some reaction? Or…_

"Relax, Liara. I was…only joking." Shepard said, sounding as flustered as she appeared to be, grinning slightly and wide eyed.

The realization hit Liara like a warp blast, and her hands instinctively cupped her mouth in shock. "Joking? Oh, by the Goddess! How could I be so dense?" she asked, feeling humiliated by the turn of events. She lowered her head against the table and buried it in her arms. _I want to just disappear…why can't there be an escape hatch here that leads to a prothean ruin where no one will bother me, and I won't make a mockery of myself and my family name? Oh, what would mother think of my foolishness?_ "You must think I am a complete and utter fool." she mumbled, her voice muffled as she hid herself away.

"Hey…" she heard the woman speak, her voice soft as a summer's breeze, a hand gently stroking her shoulder. She peeked her head partially out of cover, finding Shepard kneeling beside her, appearing tremendously apologetic. "I'm sorry. I…I'm kind of bad with jokes. I have a hard time reading social cues, and I thought it would be funny, but it really, really wasn't. I honestly should have just gone for a pun instead. I'm so sorry for making you upset. You're not a fool at all."

Liara didn't know whether to feel relief, or confusion, wondering how two socially awkward people managed to make each other feel so embarrassed.

"Now you know why I prefer to spend my time in the field with data disks and computers. I always seem to do or say something embarrassing around other people, and humour often escapes me." Liara scoffed, lifting her head from its hiding spot, feeling the same pit in her chest as Shepard's hand fell to her side. "But…I fear that perhaps we are both so inept that this was bound to happen."

Shepard smiled widely and rose to her feet. "Yeah. To be honest, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner, looking back." She stated, moving back to her side of the booth. "I can understand the draw of being alone, having quiet time away from the masses…when you're surrounded by people all day running you here and there, it gets real easy to value the time you get to yourself."

Liara nodded in agreement. "My home was always so hectic…nearly a hundred acolytes rushing around, the odd dignitary, family friend or rival over to meet mother…all the social gatherings I was forced to attend…when I simply wanted to sit on my bed and read, in peace."

"That's…kind of silly, if you don't mind me saying. Your species live for a thousand years and you're rushing around like that? Doesn't sound much different than humans." Shepard noted, making Liara laugh. It was difficult to imagine anyone making such a comparison.

"I will have to admit that it was fast-paced, yes, but…I'm not sure it's comparable. Perhaps you might have a point, although if someone were to tell me that a year ago, a month ago, I would not have paid it any heed." Liara said between chuckles. "I did not really know much about your species when we first met and…admittedly, I still know very little, despite some recent researching. It was hard to take humanity seriously… your kind seemed too rushed and high-strung all of the time."

Shepard leaned against the padded back of the booth seats and gave a sheepish looking shrug. "Yeah, well, we don't exactly have the luxury of time. We're lucky if we hit 150. Or not so lucky, depending on how you like the process of aging."

"That is true. At first, I thought that your limited lifespan was a weakness of your species. I am still not certain it is a strength, but…you humans are creatures of action. You pursue your goals with an almost indomitable determination. It is an admirable trait, but…also an intimidating one." Liara said, her voice growing quiet as she finished, watching the commander's features slump. Liara couldn't help but stare at the woman, who looked, for a number of moments, entirely crushed.

"You're…scared of us? Of me?" Shepard asked, her words pained and faint. "I…look, I know I did something that would have freaked any normal person out. I really don't blame you for being scared, it's just…is there anything I can do to show you that I would never…"

"Shepard, please." Liara said, interrupting the woman, hoping to clear up whatever miscommunication had taken place. "I…will admit that the encounter outside Chora's Den was shocking, and I was startled by the sounds of agony, but your story…I may not condone the violence, but I do not blame you. More importantly, I do not fear you."

Shepard wiped at her eyes slightly at the last remark, smiling in what seemed to be relief. "Then…then what do you mean by humanity being intimidating?"

"The rest of the galaxy sees humanity as something of a bully. Your species runs over anyone in their path to get what they want…looking at human expansion in the traverse is enough proof." Liara explained calmly, thankful that Shepard was looking a fair bit happier than before. "It's up to people like you to change their minds, Shepard."

The Spectre laughed at the remark and shook her head. "There are no people like me. At least, no humans."

"Perhaps that is why the Council chose you to become a Spectre. They saw something special in you…the best of what humanity had to offer." Liara openly wondered, which seemed to fluster the woman, as her face went red again.

"Not so sure you can say I'm the best humanity has to offer, Liara. Hell, you ask pretty much any human not on the Normandy about me and you're bound to get some pretty…let's just say you'd hear some bad things. I think humanity can do better than a control-freak orphan girl with no real formal education. I'm just a soldier." Shepard reasoned, drawing a frown from Liara.

"We are more than what we do, Shepard. Aunt Tevos saw something good in you. She trusted you to find me, instead of an asari commando unit. That is rare." Liara explained, drawing a small shrug from the woman. She was about to continue when a knock came at their booth; seconds later, an asari entered carrying a plate of small objects and her drink, and set them in front of her. As quickly as the waitress had entered, she was gone.

Liara prodded one of the objects with a utensil and held it up for inspection. It seemed to be a white meat with a reddish glaze, partially wrapped in a leafy vegetable. There were seven left on the small, ornate platter. She concluded that they were small enough, so she popped it in her mouth and took in the sweet, pleasant taste of the appetizer _. This is much better than the boxed meals…I fear I shall have them spoiled for me!_

Liara poked at another and devoured it happily. When there were but three left, she glanced upward to see Shepard staring at the food predatorily. She cautiously poked one of the pieces and watched as the woman's eyes matched every movement fluidly as she lifted it into the air.

"Shepard, is everything alright?" Liara asked, curious as to the human's behavior. Shepard snapped out of her daze and gave an apologetic look to her.

"Oh, uh…sorry. I've been eating paste for over a week and it kind of makes everything else seem like it might be the best food ever." Shepard said, rubbing her upper arm. "I'm sure my food's on its way, I'll stop being creepy and watching you eat."

Liara paused for a moment, considering her options, and extended the utensil and the bite-sized food toward Shepard, leaving it a few inches from her face. "Well, you recommended it to me, so I can hardly deny you a bit of the spoils."

Shepard's eyes went wider as she seemed to be weighing her options, her gaze focused entirely on the small piece of food in front of her. She took in the scent and hummed in agreement as her eyes closed and her head leaned forward, taking the object into her mouth.

Liara sat in wonder as the woman chewed, the taste seemingly eliciting a moan of pleasure from the human, who slowly leaned back against the seating and swallowed, licking her lips in satisfaction.

"Oh my god." Shepard mouthed, her eyes still closed, a brilliant smile extending across her face.

Liara couldn't help but blush at the commander's reaction, drawing parallels to some research she had done earlier in the morning. _Is she alright? Is this sort of reaction normal? Hrm…certainly not, although perhaps Shepard is right, that after an extended period of eating nutrient paste…perhaps the body reacts to some missing components of more common foods…or perhaps it creates a chemical imbalance in humans from the lack of organic food in their diet? Hrm._

She took another look at Shepard, who looked completely satisfied, seemingly lost in a food-produced daze. _And her reaction seemed to be similar that of arousal, from what I learned this morning. Is it normal for human females to get aroused by food or meat? I recall that merely thousands of years ago, women would rarely hunt their own food…perhaps there is still a genetic link between the taste of food to the potential pleasure they may receive from their mate? But…by that logic…I…oh Goddess, is Shepard reacting to me as her mate?_ She wondered, blushing furiously at the thought, her chest aching once again as thoughts whirled through her mind. She quickly shook them out of her head, taking a long sip of the jihliq; her body warming as the violet liquid soothed her nervous system. _Humans are complicated!_

Another knock sounded at the door, snapping Shepard out of her stupor, though her bright smile held in place.

"Been a while since I've been this excited for food!" she gleefully stated, her child-like enthusiasm bringing a smile to Liara's face.

_Complicated, but…endearing…_

* * *

The duo walked out of the restaurant and into the artificial darkness, the Citadel's night cycle in full swing. The walkways were practically glowing from the masses of lights lining them, the station's generous amount of foliage casting intimate shadows along each pathway. Shepard felt comfortable just walking alongside the asari, she had learned much about the prothean expert throughout their dinner. _Sure, I probably could have talked more about myself than I did, instead of just twisting practically everything back onto her. I can't help it that she's led an interesting life…_

The walk to the transit terminal wasn't far, but a relatively familiar voice that called out from behind her made her realize that the walk would take longer than she'd planned.

"Commander Shepard!" the woman called out, finally catching the duo, her white camera drone floating quietly overhead. "Commander Shepard, Khalisa bint Sinan Al-Jilani, Westerlund News. Would you answer a few questions for our viewers?" the woman asked, her tone more of a demand than a request.

Shepard stopped in her tracks and held back a sigh. She knew the reporter well from the smear campaigns she had run against any human who dared to ally with another species. She couldn't blame her for doing such a thing, seeing as she had a very popular program, but she mentally seethed, knowing she couldn't get out of the interview. _Such is the life of a public figure…_

Shepard nodded and turned to Liara. "You should probably wait outside of the frame, there's no need to drag you into this." She noted, turning back to Khalisa. "Confidentiality will probably keep me from answering all questions you have, but I'm open to anything you want to ask, so long as you leave her out of it. If you're interviewing me, I only want you to address me, is that clear?"

"Clear as crystal." The reporter noted. "I just want to set the record straight. My viewers have been hearing some wild stories about you lately, Commander."

"Well, I'm ready when you are." Shepard stated flatly, prompting the reporter to tap away on her omni-tool, the drone hovering around to face the commander.

"Humans have been trying to get the respect of the galactic community for twenty six years. With that in mind, what are your feelings on being the first human Spectre?" Khalisa asked politely, her tone more laid back, less aggressive than she was used to.

Shepard mulled the question over for a moment, thinking up a decent answer. "The Spectres represent the best of the Council species, acting as the first line of defense for the galaxy. To be asked to join them is an honour."

"Some have said your appointment is the Citadel 'throwing humans a bone.'" The reported stated, her tone slightly more firm and aggressive than before. "Have you encountered any situations where the Citadel has asked you to place its needs before the needs of Earth?"

Shepard couldn't help but grin a little at the sly accusation and the trap the reporter was setting up.

"The council is concerned with the needs of the whole galactic community. We, humans, are part of that community. Our needs are certainly on their agenda, but we're one of many." Shepard said calmly.

"You really do believe that, don't you?" Khalisa asked, sounding slightly baffled.

"Look, I get the concern, but Spectres are appointed based on their skills, their expertise. I'm still new, but there will come a time when I'm called out to help with a situation in turian space, or in asari space, and there will come a time when an asari Spectre, or a salarian Spectre will come to the aid of humanity in the same way. Spectres are a way of promoting galactic cohesion, showing that we can all work together. A human isn't needed to address every issue humanity encounters. We're all in this together." Shepard rambled, shrugging at the end.

"But you can understand if our viewers, if humanity would prefer a human representative to put priority on human matters." The reporter asserted, drawing a nod from Shepard.

"I do understand completely, but try to think of it this way. Yes, I'm a Spectre serving the galaxy first and foremost. As much as I trust that they'll handle any issues related to humanity with great care, they're trusting a human to handle their matters with great care. Hopefully, I can help foster some trust in humanity with other species through this position, much in the same way that I hope other Spectres will with humanity. Like I said, we're a team. We can't keep segregated and distrust our allies. Humanity's strength will come from the galactic community realizing what humans can do, and trusting us to do it well." Shepard explained.

"That's certainly an interesting perspective, Commander." The reporter noted, seeming to shift gears. "You recently took control of an advanced human warship for your missions. Is there anything you'd like to tell us about it?"

Shepard grinned a little in amusement at the question. "Actually, the Normandy was co-developed by human and turian engineers…the best and brightest of both of us. Its design incorporated a lot of amazing innovations that were the result of this teamwork. All of which are classified, I'm afraid." She said, finishing with a smile.

The reporter's eyebrows quirked up at her statement, drawing a sly grin across Khalisa's face.

"So the turians have knowledge of the Normandy that is being kept secret from the Alliance public?" Khalisa asked, her excitement visible across her face. "Do you think it was appropriate to hand Earth's most advanced warship over to the Citadel?"

"Well, I will say first that the Alliance is more than just Earth. We have a number of fantastic colonies whose citizens are just as human as anyone else. The Normandy was never Earth's warship, it is the Alliance's." Shepard said, correcting the reporter, hoping to get her on her heels. "There were also a few in-house innovations that didn't involve the turian engineers, so we didn't give everything away. And I wasn't aware the ship had been 'handed over' to anyone. I'm in command, and last I checked, I'm human, I hold a rank in the Alliance. Same goes for most of my crew."

"You're human, yes, but you do work for the Citadel now, Commander." Khalisa stated, sounding somewhat annoyed. "Rumours back home say you're tracking a 'rogue Spectre' named Saren. Do you have any comment on that?"

"I'm afraid I can't comment on whatever my current assignment may or may not be." Shepard noted, feeling the light from the drone fade out, cutting the recording.

"Don't worry, we'll find out." Khalisa said with a smug look on her face. "The eyes of Earth are on you. Don't let us down again, Commander."

Shepard watched the woman walk away before turning her focus to wherever Liara had gone, noticing two humans standing in front of her, looking fairly perturbed. _Christ…what do those tools want?_

"How can I help you two?" Shepard asked as she approached them, noticing Liara looking confused and slightly worried.

"Seems like your asari whore didn't know much about you, Butcher." One of them stated, her tone a little too playful for Shepard's liking, her words lighting a fire in her eyes.

"So we were just telling her some stories of your honour and glory." The other said, sarcastically, turning his gaze away from Liara to Shepard.

She shook her head, frustrated that she hadn't noticed them before, and furious that they would call Liara such a name. Shepard flung her hand out, the two offender's bodies rising up and floating helplessly in the air.

"You have ten seconds to apologize to her." She stated flatly. The woman looked back to her as best she could.

"Or what?" she asked, skeptical that Shepard would act.

"Well, I'm a Spectre and you know my rep. What's another two on my tally?" she growled menacingly, hoping the two would be convinced.

"Fine, fine! Fuck, I'm sorry!" the man cried out. Shepard turned her gaze angrily to the woman and focused a ball of biotic energy in her hand as a warning.

"Alright! I'm really sorry for calling you a whore, just don't kill us!" the woman pleaded, causing Shepard to turn back to Liara, who looked apprehensive. She gestured the asari to follow her down the walkway, leaving the two humans floating in the middle of the path.

The walk to the terminal was silent, but she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable by it. As they waited for a skycar to return, Shepard nervously glanced over to her companion. _I fucked it up…damn it, I know I should have said something before but…I mean…aw Christ. I just wanted to have a nice relaxing evening, show Liara that I'm not what everyone thinks I am…and what do I do? Physically threaten them immediately! Damn it… What the hell is wrong with me?_

"I'm sorry for what happened back there. I wasn't paying attention and…I'm sorry they called you what they did." She mumbled, hoping that Liara's impression of her hadn't been swayed by the two from before. "I wouldn't have killed them, I just…I figured that might scare them off. And I'm sorry if what they told you was…scary, I guess. But…they weren't there, they didn't know what happened…"

"So tell me." Liara spoke, interrupting her. Her face bore no accusation, no hostility, no shred of judgment. Shepard lowered her head and sighed. _I don't want to have this conversation right now…it's not the time for it…_

"Liara, I…hell, I promise I'll tell you one day. I will, but…not tonight. It's been too crazy of a day for me to handle that." Shepard said quietly, worrying that her unwillingness to talk about it would spur Liara into accepting whatever the two from before had mentioned, repeating what had become a familiar cycle for her to endure. "It's not something I can explain in a few minutes. I just…can't do it tonight. Are you fine with that?"

She watched with curiosity as Liara's hand snaked its way over to hers, her gloved fingers intertwining with Shepard's warm, fleshy ones, feeling a slight squeeze from the asari. The sensation was entirely unexpected. The warmth she was accustomed to with asari was minimal, and instead of feeling sexual tension, there was merely a simple, soothing pleasure from the Liara's reassurance.

"I trust that you will tell me when you feel more at ease." Liara said simply, her words softly blooming into her ears. "Now, we should get off to Tevos' before those two goons decide to return."

Shepard couldn't help but smile uncontrollably as she got into the passenger seat; Liara insisted that she drive due to second hand stories of Shepard's maniacal driving, and she wasn't about to complain. She was too pleasantly surprised that even though her reputation as a poor driver was haunting her, her more prominent reputation was dismissed by the asari. Her mind recalled all of the people who had once been acquaintances or friends, who cut away from her after hearing about Torfan; all of her fellow soldiers who would operate on missions with her, terrified that she would send them to their deaths. Having that burden lifted for even one night, with one person, was a remarkable relief that Shepard couldn't describe. All she could do was smile.


	16. Province

Shepard leaned against the balcony railing overlooking the presidium, enjoying the view and the quiet serenity of life at such an elevation. She supposed that it was probably a good thing that Tevos lived so high up. _Probably deals with so much head-spinning bullshit all day that she needs this kind of quiet to get her bearings and stay sane…though I suppose I'd still prefer my home on Amaterasu to this…_

She and Liara had arrived nearly two hours prior, and Tevos had quickly ushered Liara away to another room, leaving Shepard alone with some persistent servants that would occasionally bug her to see if she was in need of anything. Most of them had seemed legitimately thrilled to see Liara safe and sound, and she had a feeling that Falyria in specific was slightly enamored with her because of that, judging by how often she caught the asari staring, and how often she would check up on her. It was an odd feeling for her to deal with, and she wasn't quite sure how to handle it. _I mean…IF she likes me, and that's a pretty big if, it's probably just because I fit some stereotype of a soldier, or some protector…she doesn't actually know me…but…at the same time, Faridah was just a friend until I was pretty much charged with keeping her safe…and I would have been more than fine being with her if I hadn't sacrificed my future for the Alliance… and everyone has to start somewhere, right? I mean…so I guess it doesn't mean …aw Christ. I have no idea. If I hadn't helped Liara, would Falyria look at me the same way? I'm not sure…_

"You have been staring off that balcony for nearly an hour and a half, Commander. Is the view so spectacular that you must award it all of your attention?" she heard as the aforementioned asari coincidentally strode up beside her. "Are you certain I cannot provide you with anything?"

She smiled and shook her head, stifling a laugh as the asari pouted at her. _God, she's kind of adorable…but she's probably a few hundred years older than me, so maybe…nah. Adorable works._

Shepard looked down at the railing for a split second noticing Falyria's hand not a finger's width from hers, and slowly closing the distance. She smiled and pulled her hand away to her neck, giving it a light scratch. She wasn't certain whether she wanted to play such games with the asari, but it was an interesting revelation, finding she wasn't intimidated or freaked out by Falyria's intentions. If anything, she seemed rather non-threatening, and Shepard was willing to embrace that change of perspective. _Well, it's not like she plans on ravaging me here at Tevos' place, and…well, I know I wouldn't do that to her, so…is it really that simple? Is that what the consort's been trying to tell me this whole time? Is Liara right, that touch is merely…just touch?_

"If you do not mind me saying, Commander, you have seemed rather tense throughout your visit." Falyria began, eliciting an easy laugh from Shepard. _No fucking kidding…_

"Yeah. It's been a pretty wild day." She noted. It was hard to imagine anything else being added to the pile of unexpected events without a song and dance routine happening, and some vid host coming out to inform her she's been on some weird, absurdly inhumane and elaborate reality show.

"If you like, I could help you relieve your tension." The asari stated politely with a smile.

Shepard resisted it as much as she could, but felt the familiar blush fill her cheeks. "And how would you help relieve it, exactly?" she asked, curious as to the asari's response. By her body language she didn't assume anything outright vulgar.

"I am Matriarch Tevos' personal masseuse. I am certain she would be pleased if you took advantage of m…my abilities." Falyria spoke, stumbling slightly at the last bit. A shy smile crept across her face, her sky blue facial markings on her cheeks taking on a purple hue. _Well, it won't hurt anyone if I get a massage…will it? Besides, is it…bad…for me to actually be a little happy that someone maybe might be a little interested in me? Outside of Sha'ira, who was acting, no one's looked at me that way in a long time…_

"Alright." She answered, unable to keep from grinning at the shocked and excited look Falyria gave her, before the asari composed herself. "But I'm not taking off any of my clothes for the massage."

Falyria frowned at the statement. "But Commander, I…my oils are very effective. I am certain you would feel like a new woman if you were to allow me the honour. I will be gentle."

Shepard sighed and moved away from the balcony, slowly wandering back into the main room, Falyria in tow. "How's about this…you start with my head and neck and maybe…maybe I'll be open to more after." She said, hoping it was a good enough compromise. It had been years since she'd been massaged anywhere, and she couldn't quite recall any such sensations since the one night with Faridah when she was sixteen. _If I let Falyria massage me, give up that control…I'll still have the power to say no and stop it later on…so I should be fine…right? Besides, it's just a massage…it…like Liara said, it's a form of communication, and it's what she does for a living, and it's not necessarily sexual, especially since it's just my head and neck and…alright, I'm just rambling at this point. Just relax…I'll be fine…_

"If you would join me on the couch, Commander?" Falyria requested, perching herself up against the armrest of the sofa, her legs bent in such a way that they formed a potential surface to rest against. Shepard obliged the asari and got on the couch, resting up against her, stretching her own legs out across the sofa to get more comfortable.

"Is it alright if I let your hair down, Commander?' Falyria asked, the smile evident in her voice. Shepard paused for a moment, wondering how long it had been since someone had seen her with her hair down. _Not that it's special or anything, I just keep it up because it's easier, and I can keep it long-ish without the Alliance losing their shit._

"Sure, I guess." She answered nonchalantly, soon feeling the familiar weight of her hair as it flopped down against her shoulder and back. She brushed some rogue strands from her face and just tried to relax.

Shepard felt Falyria's fingers sift through her hair and eventually splay out, taking a light hold on areas across her scalp. She couldn't help but sink slightly against the asari's legs as the asari began her routine. _Mother of Christ that feels good…_

It had taken mere moments for her to submit to the masseuse's ministrations, falling into a haze of relaxation and pleasure. Shepard wasn't exactly sure how long she'd been sitting up against Falyria, receiving what could have been the most gentle, thorough, mind-meltingly enjoyable massage she'd ever experienced, when she faintly heard a door open and made out Liara's voice. She blinked away her haze and noticed both Tevos and Liara entering the room; a smile came to the Matriarch's face upon seeing Falyria at work, while Liara's face seemed unreadable to Shepard, only really able to notice the asari was worried.

"Falyria, if you don't mind, I would like to speak with Shepard." Tevos stated, approaching the sofa. Shepard felt the masseuse's fingers gently glide away from her neck and soon after, Falyria was up and off the sofa, moving briskly toward the hallway. She scooted back and rested up against the armrest, unable to do much physically, feeling so relaxed.

"Are you well, Shepard?" Liara asked worriedly, hovering by Shepard's edge of the couch.

Before Shepard could answer, Tevos' voice rang through the room. "Have no worry, Little Wing. Falyria would never harm an honoured guest of mine." The Matriarch stated. Liara shot a glance over at where the masseuse had exited the room and gave a small harrumph, obviously not pleased about something. "Now, Liara, dear…would you be so kind as to give us a moment alone?"

Liara looked past Shepard at Tevos and nodded sadly, returning back toward the master suite where she had just returned from, shoulders slumped slightly forward. Shepard couldn't help but feel bad for her as she walked away.

Once Liara was out of the room,the Matriarch let out a low chuckle and took a seat on the sofa as well. "It seems you have gotten over your sensitivity to touch, Commander. And in just over a week." Tevos said, appearing to be quite amused at the revelation.

"Not entirely, but…Liara helped point some things out and…well, today also kind of helped too." Shepard noted shyly. "But anyway, that's not why you've pulled me aside."

"No, it is not. Liara has expressed a…desire to remain aboard your ship." Tevos stated simply. "I am merely wondering if you have helped her make such a decision in haste."

Shepard shrugged and leaned back against the soft cushions. "Well, you didn't even send an encrypted comms request to me after Therum, and Liara said that by helping her, you might have pissed off a lot of Matriarch Benezia's faithful. Neither of us wanted to put you in more hot water than you already might be in."

"She was correct in that deduction, I have faced tremendous pressure from many of Thessia's larger houses over Therum, while Sparatus and Valern have required certain favours to sweep that situation under the rug. I fear it was not as covert as I had hoped it would be." Tevos explained wearily.

"Hard to be covert when a volcano explodes when you're inside of it. Wish it would have happened differently, but…at least she's out and she's fine." Shepard stated, feeling bad that a decision with the laser might have caused Tevos serious trouble. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"You need not apologize to me, Commander. I would make the same decision millions of times over if it meant Liara's safety would be assured. You have my eternal thanks for your service to Thessia, Shepard… I am merely concerned about Liara's safety going forward." Tevos said, looking at Shepard expectantly. She knew that Liara meant a lot to the councilor, and if saving her meant a great deal, keeping her safe would mean much more, but would come with more scrutiny.

"I won't lie, Councilor. This mission…it's dangerous as hell, but from my vantage point, the entire galaxy's at risk. No place…even the Citadel…is all that safe at this point. Also, the Normandy's the only stealth-capable ship in the galaxy right now, and…I think that's as safe a place as any." Shepard reasoned, hoping she was making some sense to Tevos.

"While I will disagree with you on your assessment of the Citadel's safety, I will also note that you fly a frigate, while the geth have dreadnoughts, and Saren has that…monstrous ship." Tevos pointed out. "Do you truly feel the Normandy is a safe place to hold her?"

"Tali…my quarian engineer…has assured me repeatedly that geth ships don't have viewports, meaning the Normandy won't come up on their sensors, and they won't see it. Saren's ship is the only real danger, but the galaxy is a pretty big place, and the Normandy is damn fast." Shepard spoke firmly, understanding that Tevos was merely concerned, but Shepard knew it wasn't a mere fly by night decision. "And I will do everything in my power to keep my crew safe. I'm not stubborn or stupid enough to not potentially change my mind in the future, if the situation changes, but I think Liara would be about as safe with me as she would be with you. If she was with me, you'd face less political pressure, there would be lower risks of abduction, and…honestly, I could really use her expertise. And I don't think I'd be holding her on the Normandy, I think she wants to be involved."

Tevos sat silent, mulling over Shepard's words for a few minutes, sipping away at a golden drink. Eventually she placed her drink on the nearby counter and turned back to her. "Shepard, there is one thing I must be certain of before I make my decision on this matter. Were you not a Spectre, if…this galactic situation was not occurring…in what would your allegiance lie, first and foremost?"

Shepard looked at Tevos and couldn't help but wince slightly at the question. There was no room for dishonesty, but she felt an encroaching dread from the response she predicted her answer would receive.

"Family." Shepard spoke quietly, but with certainty. "Even with the Spectre title, even with this situation…I do this for my family."

Tevos frowned and appeared in thought for a moment, contemplating something. "I…was truly not aware you had any. Forgive me the oversight, Shepard."

"I have a lot of family. Some I know well, others I'm just getting to know. My childhood friends, the kids I teach on Sundays whenever I'm on Amaterasu, my crew…" Shepard said with a smile, catching Tevos' inquisitive look. "And heck, if you help me get scalp massages from Falyria every time I visit, you might make the list too." Shepard finished playfully.

"I do not believe you would need my help to receive a massage from Falyria, Commander." Tevos said, with a knowing look. "But you would consider Liara part of your crew."

"I would. Honestly, the past few years… I've floated around from crap assignments to suicide missions to shore leave, and…everything feels different since Saren. Everything's more urgent, and all I can think of when I'm alone is that everyone I care about is in danger, and I need to see them through to safety. A threat to the galaxy is a threat to them, and I'm pretty transparent. That's all it takes to get me onboard." Shepard explained quietly, her gaze intense upon Tevos. "If you told me some assassin from Omega was hunting for Liara, I'd kill them. There wouldn't be a second thought… I'd allocate the necessary resources to find whoever it was, I'd hunt them down myself and I'd kill them. Use myself as bait if I had to. Saren's trying to do something terrible to the galaxy, and that puts Liara in danger. He may as well be hunting for her head…hell, he already has. She's part of my crew, I care about her, and that makes Liara my first allegiance."

Shepard turned away from the Matriarch and stared up at the ceiling, feeling a little emotionally drained. That Tevos didn't instantly harangue her was a good sign, but she didn't want to come across poorly, and feared she'd given the impression that she was slightly indifferent to duty in the grand scheme of things. _You're the first and last line of defense for the galaxy, not some just some people on a ship or the kids that go to the library every weekend. You've really…_

"Then I am satisfied." The Matriarch said calmly, drawing Shepard's attention back to her. She was surprised at the magnitude of the effect the words had on her, washing away her fervor and anxiety, leaving a calm feeling within her core. _What? Really? I mean…alright…_

"Thank you, Matriarch." Shepard said, unable to think of anything more fitting, any other words she wished to express.

"It is rather amusing…Nihlus put you forth into candidacy for your colourful track record, yet…you are proving to be remarkably different than the woman we thought we appointed to the Spectres. But tell me, Shepard…what do you get out of all of this?" Tevos asked inquisitively. Shepard's mouth quirked to the side, uncertain of what she meant.

"I don't really know what you're asking, Matriarch. My apologies." She mumbled out, utterly confused over the question.

"You told me you are doing what you do to keep family safe. This is an admirable goal, and some other specters I have interviewed have answered similarly. But what do you gain from that?" Tevos asked, her features softer as she stared intently at her.

"I…get to know they're safe?" Shepard answered, shrugging. _Pretty damn obvious, Tevos_.

"Yet, your family consists partially of crews…crews which you have had to leave as you were assigned to new missions. Crews who have left you, readily. What then?" Tevos asked, continuing as Shepard's gaze dropped to the floor. "What do you want from all of this, for yourself?"

"It doesn't matter." Shepard said dismissively. She hoped Tevos would stop the line of questioning, but she couldn't help but get flustered over the mere basis of the question.

"You are a living person, Commander. What you want matters." Tevos insisted. "And if I am to trust you with someone as precious as Liara T'Soni, I would like to know exactly what your intentions are, what drives you."

"Why?!" Shepard blurted out, frustration billowing through her. "It's only what I want that makes me weak, so it doesn't matter! I've told you why I do this, what drives me."

"Yes, family. Yet I apologize, I have not noticed much kindness from your former associates. The amount of complaints over your appointment that I have heard from human diplomats alone has been troubling. I am sure you can imagine how the Systems Alliance and its members have responded also." Tevos stated flatly, seemingly unimpressed at the outburst. "From what I understand, in order for someone to be considered family, they have to actually be part of the family, to be included."

Shepard bit back the first words that came to mind, knowing that cursing her boss would be a very bad thing. "I try. And in the end…" Shepard said, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. "In the end, if they're safe, that's all that matters. They can hate me all they want." She'd always loathed how miserable she'd get after each mission, with everyone leaving her as quickly as possible. She knew they had their own lives, and were free to think of her how they'd like, but it didn't take away how much it hurt. _Obsessing over it won't and hasn't done any good. No point._

"They can, but is that what you want?" Tevos asked simply, her gaze intense as she held the commander's eye contact.

Shepard paused, trying to think up a retort but came up empty. "No." The word felt heavy on her tongue as she spoke it, and felt relief as the Matriarch's gaze softened.

"I thought not. Take it from someone who has hundreds of years of life experience, Commander…families are like small communities. They have a duty to each other, they actively seek to help each other, provide for each other. They are not charity halls where you hand out all that you can give until you have nothing left. They are not public trials where you are slandered into a false state of guilt over every controversial action." The Matriarch said as she moved off the couch and to her feet. "If you do all of this for family, then at least respect how families work in the first place, and hold others to that standard as you do yourself. It is not a weakness to want those you consider family to care for you in return. It is a weakness to consider them family when they've proven themselves unworthy of the honour."

Shepard remained sitting, letting the Matriarch's words sink in. _Maybe she has a point…maybe I've just been trying to force something and…and it can't work because, well, I need people to be open and willing. Maybe…maybe that's why I like my current crew as much as I do, or at least some of them. Even if they drag me into discussions with Elcor, I know they're trying…it's not out of malice or hatred…they care…_

She ran a hand through her curls and wondered what her sister would think of her behavior. _She wanted me to give people a chance, but…maybe I'm giving everyone a chance, even when they don't deserve it, at my expense…I mean, I want to help people but, if they're going to keep tearing me down and hating me…maybe I should just stop trying to help them at every twist and turn putting myself in danger for their sake. But then they could get hurt, and jeez…it's like a catch 22. Can't exactly win, can I? Should I keep helping people who don't know they need help, and don't want or appreciate my help? I think I can try to make the best of it…and if I have some family…real family…backing me up, it might just be enough._

"Shepard?" a voice snapped her out of the daze that had engulfed her; she flit her eyes upward to see Liara in front of her, with Tevos and Falyria on her flanks.

"Yes?" She asked, trying to get her focus back.

"Falyria will show you out. It has been wonderful having you both visit." Tevos stated kindly. "I will keep in touch, Commander."

Shepard nodded and rose, falling in beside Liara as the asari masseuse guided them back to their skycar.

_Today's just been a damned doozy…I really hope I can sleep tonight…_

* * *

"She has you sleeping where?" Shepard asked in disbelief, bringing Liara to a blush.

"I did not want to be a disturbance to the rest of the crew and…I did not wish to be disturbed during my sleep. I have found the compromise to be quite nice, so far." Liara explained, not wishing to trouble the commander any further. She knew the woman had endured a rather grueling day. She also was certain she and Tevos had a disagreement at some point and was worried that it was causing undue stress on her.

"Liara, you know you can sleep in the pods. I called the crew in for an early meeting today…all of the crew. They get it. It won't happen again." Shepard said softly, looking at her with such concern that she had to glance away.

"It isn't any trouble, really. I prefer solitude, and the current arrangement ensures that I have some time to myself if I feel I require it, and it means that I do not need to hold myself to specific shifts, making me more flexible for whenever you need me to be ready." Liara said, hoping her reasoning would soothe the commander's worries.

"I…guess that makes a lot of sense. And I can't blame you for wanting to have your own room. It's a pretty great luxury." The woman noted, with a smirk. "Alright, well, let's see this set-up of yours."

Liara stood there nervously for a moment and swallowed the bit of uncertainty that had sprouted up, unsure exactly why she was feeling such an emotion. She gestured for the woman to follow her as she stepped into the med-bay and continued through to the lab. Liara's eyes locked onto Shepard as the commander entered her new home and looked around; she was finding it difficult to get a consistent read of the woman with her head fur obscuring her view. _It is curious that it seemingly grew during the first portion of my visit with Tevos…_ she mused, her eyes unable to look away from the brown, curly material. Liara couldn't help but desperately want to touch it after witnessing Falyria running her hands through it somehow. _It seems fairly solid, and thick…I wonder if I would need biotics to get my hands through, or if that would be painful for her..._

"Well, I have to congratulate you…not many places darker than my office, but this beats mine out handily. Can't believe the doc works in this. And what's with that hanging metal arm?" Shepard asked playfully, puzzled by the protrusion from the ceiling. "So I'm looking around and I don't see a bed. Do you sleep on the table? Or one of the crates?"

Liara cocked her head to the side, wondering how Shepard couldn't see the cot directly beside her. "Um, Shepard. My bed is right there." Liara stated, pointing to the small green cot. Shepard looked down at it frowned, seemingly unable to tear her vision away from the object for nearly a minute.

"You sleep on this?" Shepard asked, her voice dripping with sadness, her gaze slowly meeting Liara's. "Christ, Liara, you're probably exhausted. You need a good sleep, and this… will not do. How well did you sleep last night?"

She felt herself mimic one of the human's nervous tics from earlier as she rubbed her arm shyly. _It really wasn't a great sleep…but I do not wish to trouble her…_

"I slept…well." Liara stated, trying to sound confident, but she knew she was a poor liar.

"You slept well on what looks to be the least comfortable cot in the galaxy, with no blanket or pillow?" Shepard asked, seeing straight through her fib.

"Um…My arm worked well enough…" Liara mumbled, admitting defeat as she shrunk in on herself, feeling embarrassed about being dishonest with her.

Shepard stared at her blankly for an uncomfortable few seconds before bolting to the door. "Be right back!" the woman called out as she burst through the med bay.

Liara just moved over to her cot and sat down, digesting the day she'd just stumbled through. _It certainly wasn't the most graceful day…between all that happened at Sha'ira's, the attack near Chora's Den, embarrassing myself at dinner, being cornered by those two humans, and then everything that happened at Tevos' home..._

Her mind kept returning to when she'd stepped back into the living room, seeing Shepard being touched by Falyria. _For her to make such a jump, perhaps Falyria bullied her into it…or…perhaps she's merely adapted quickly. She…she did use touch to comfort me, after all, and did not shy from my own at the terminal… Her…head fur, or hair, aside…I…would she react like that to my touch? Falyria does give fantastic massages, but…would Shepard accept a massage from me? It would not be sexual, and I would …oh I'm not even sure why I feel the compulsion. Can I not rise above petty…well, I'm hardly jealous of Falyria, I am more intrigued, but I just…oh Goddess, I am not sure what I want._

She looked back to the door to her room and frowned. _And if those goons were being truthful about Shepard, then I…no. No! I will not think so poorly of her and be so reactionary…I will do proper research and keep an open mind, as I always do. Although, Shepard asked me if I could wait for her to explain this Torfan incident…but she didn't ask that I not look up on it beforehand… no, can I truly do that, knowing Lieutenant Alenko told me that Shepard prefers her history be learned through her alone? Would I be betraying her trust? I…perhaps slightly, but it may prevent me from making a fool of myself like I did at dinner. She was so…kind, and happy, at Zhenaire's. She listened to me, and I don't feel she was judging me at any point…and that look on her face when she apologized about her 'joke'…_ Liara mused, pulling off her gloves and resting her palm against her chest. _I still do not know what that sensation in my chest was. I should have asked Tevos while I was with her, she could have given me guidance. Today has just been so confusing…_

Liara looked down at her bare hands and frowned, trying to remember the last time they had come in contact with her mother. _Tevos…why would mother react so aggressively toward her? True, she broke her oath by contacting me in some form, but…for her to actively undermine Tevos over it…she may as well have actively worked against Thessia, and mother would NEVER do that. She loved our people…she loves them more than anyone could ever know…and she loves aunt Tevos! She would never have an acolyte make a vid-call on her behalf, especially to someone as dear to her as aunt Tevos is. There must be something terrible going on…oh mother, I would have helped you, if you had only asked, I…_

Shepard quickly squeezed through the sliding door, carrying a large, awkward looking bundle of linens and pillows, rousing Liara from her hurricane of thoughts as the woman plopped them joyfully on top of a nearby crate.

"And did I mention it's freezing in here? I swear, there's no climate control in this room, I'll talk to Adams about it tomorrow morning. Maybe he can boost the temperature in here…I swear, I can almost see my breath!" Shepard prattled aimlessly, oblivious to Liara's stare. She stopped listening as the woman began talking about something to do with blankets, finally having a steady, frontal view of Shepard as she rambled on. _Goddess, the way her hair fur falls around her face, and her eyes…look magnificent tonight. As if they're ablaze…_ Liara thought, absentmindedly pushing herself off the cot and onto her feet. She watched Shepard smile, and wondered if all smiles came so easily to her, lazily stepping out of the way as the woman grabbed her bundle of sheets and blankets and began arranging them on her cot. Liara watched the human's hands work, lovingly tucking the sheets where she could manage, delicately re-arranging and fixing previous decisions on where to place which sheet or blanket. She couldn't help but notice the spring in her step as she moved about the cot, as if there was some music playing that only she could hear. _Perhaps I shall ask her another day…_

As Shepard bent over to tuck in a blanket on the other side of the cot, Liara blushed, finding her gaze lowering _. Oh why am I even looking at her in such a way?_ She scolded herself, though her eyes remained in place, scanning up and down the Spectre's legs, halting at her core. _Perhaps I'm admiring her physique…she is quite fit, and it is admirable that she takes such care of her body…all damage from missions aside…_

The woman rose back, giving herself a little stretch, running a hand through her hair that Liara was immediately jealous of to such a degree that chastisement was the last thing on her mind, mostly due to the sensation in her chest surging once more. _This is all so confusing…perhaps I should sleep it off…perhaps it will be better tomorrow, and I won't have such…complicated thoughts…_

Shepard spun around, the gleeful look on her face emptying the worries running afoul of Liara's mind, as forces unknown compelled her to smile shyly in return.

"There! You're all set now." Shepard stated happily, satisfied with her work. "Now THAT is a bed worth sleeping on. And you've got enough blankets to keep you warm until we fix the heat in here, and I made sure to give you two pillows in case you're a restless sleeper, because I know I am, and the worst start to the morning is when you have a crick in your neck, and I'm going to see about getting better cushioning for your cot, because I'm pretty sure it's not comfortable enough, and maybe I'll find a bigger cot on the Citadel for you tomorrow, but I think I improvised a decent stopgap for now and that you should be nice and warm tonight, and…wow, I should stop talking."

Liara let out a barely restrained giggle at the woman's rambling, finding her enthusiasm amusing, and more than a little endearing. _Perhaps Tali felt like this when Shepard was hovering over her a few days ago…she blew in like a storm and…fixed my bed. And I'm certain I couldn't have done anything to dissuade her, she just looks so…happy over her efforts._

"Thank you, Shepard. I truly appreciate it, and I am sure I shall have a wonderful sleep." Liara said, just noticing the warm sensation in her cheeks was still present. Dismissing it as unimportant she looked at her cot and realized there was a veritable closet's worth of linen on it. "But…where did you get so many blankets from?"

Shepard shrugged and averted her gaze to the door. "I…they came from my personal collection, but it's fine."

"Shepard! You need to sleep too!" Liara blurted out in a mixture of shock and worry, imagining Shepard's bed to be void of anything but a mattress. She crossed the distance between them and prodded Shepard in her chest, drawing an amused look from the woman. "You will take some of these back."

"I have my backup set from a long time ago…in a way, maybe I'm better off with those." The woman said reassuringly. "Besides, I think I've forgotten how to sleep at this point." Liara watched Shepard's hand once again disappear into her hair and behind her head.

"I do not want my sleep to come at the expense of yours." Liara explained, feeling strangely warmer. _Perhaps humans radiate their body heat strongly, and I hadn't realized it before…_

Shepard gently clasped a hand around Liara's wrist, making her realize she hadn't retracted the hand she had prodded Shepard with. She felt her cheeks engulfed in blood, but didn't notice any change of expression on the human's face. _Perhaps she doesn't notice…it IS dark in this room._

"Liara, I promise that I will not sacrifice my sleep for yours." She stated slowly, her voice softly caressing the air around her. _Goddess, her voice can be lovely sometimes…_ She repressed the sudden memory of the woman singing and placed her focus back on the actual person before her. "I just want you to be comfortable, and I still feel horrible for what you've gone through this past week, and for what happened today…I'm so sorry. I just want to make things right. I want you to be happy and safe here, more than anything."

She looked down at her outstretched arm and stared at how the human's delicate hand partially encircled her limb, how Shepard's left thumb was tenderly caressing the soft inner flesh of her wrist. The sensation didn't last all that long, as the Spectre quickly let go of it once Liara's gaze lingered long enough. She suppressed a frown and reluctantly brought her hand back to her side, silently wishing she'd had the initiative to bring it upward, to touch the human's mane of fur instead.

"I…should go." Shepard mumbled, looking disconcerted as she made her way to the door. Liara caught the woman look over her shoulder as she left.

"Sweet dreams." She heard, practically whispered, as the commander strode slowly through the med-bay; if not for the silence of the ship at that time of night, it would not have been audible. The words made her smile as she approached the cozy looking cot. _May Athame bring you peace tonight, Shepard._

"Lights." She called out quietly, casting the room into darkness.

As she slid into the soft layers of blankets and rested her head upon one of the pillows, a strange scent filled her nostrils, and her foot grazed a hard object. Using her toes to grasp the small intruder, she brought it closer and recognized it as one of the seed-like things she saw scattered about Shepard's office. She smiled at the woman's apparent haste to grab what she could for her, and placed the object under her pillow for safe keeping, taking in more of the foreign, spicy scent that seemed to be housed in the sheets. Liara's mind was too tired to formulate a hypothesis over its origin, and she merely allowed herself to enjoy it as she pulled the comforting blankets tightly around her body, her eyes fluttering to a close as she drifted into a restful sleep.


	17. Ready, Able

_Today will be a damn good day…_ Shepard mused, stepping out of the cramped shower onto the bath mat. It was only 0600, but all it had taken to brighten her mood tremendously was a single message on her terminal. _'Reporting for duty at 0700'…how formal, Heather. As if you're not going to crush me into a hug the second you see me_. She took her time drying off, feeling a little happier knowing that for the first time in a while, she felt a little freer than before. _At least I know that I'm not going to spontaneously combust if Liara touches me, or whatever, although…I totally screwed up last night and went all creeper-like, staring at how her white freckles are practically a crown on those scalp thingies she has. 'Oh hey, Shepard, I just want you to make sure you have enough sheets to sleep with.' 'Herpa derpa derp, too busy staring at your head to notice you're getting freaked out because I forgot to let go of your arm.' Ugh, I'm such a weirdo…why did I even do that in the first place? She was so nice to me yesterday and I probably just freaked her out a bunch or annoyed her. Hopefully, aside from having to deal with me, she had a good day yesterday…_

Shepard smelled her arm, enjoying the pleasant scent her shower gel had bestowed upon her. _Hell, if I'm going to be stuck eating paste for the next few weeks, I may as well smell like something tasty, to motivate me…_ she thought to herself, grabbing her deodorant. _And if I can have real food that's even a quarter as tasty as the stuff from last night when I get back to the Citadel, or wherever, then it'll be worth it!_

She finished her routine quickly, put her hair back up in a bun, and tossed on her casual Alliance blues. _No CO's going to be there to rake me over the coals for greeting a new crew member in these…it's kind of good to be at the top right now…_

It wasn't a long trek through the ship, and the weather was always fine on the docks, so Shepard decided to sit out by the airlock and wait for her old friend, keeping a datapad on hand. She wasn't exactly sure what to study or learn; it was difficult to focus after the madness of the previous day, and with the anticipation of seeing her dear friend for the first time in nearly a year. Their birthdays were close enough together to create a single celebration, and her tiny circle of friends often got together at one of their homes annually, alternating between the two year after year. _It'll be my turn this time…but maybe I should give it to Heather again, since last year was…well, it was just the two of us. Everyone else was busy…everyone's always busy…_

She sighed and set her focus back to the datapad, continuing where she had left off the previous night in her attempt to learn more about asari social customs. Some of the material was easy to digest; usage of titles based on age or social status was relatively easy, and she felt it would aid her in whatever future encounters she would have with asari. Other aspects of asari culture, such as if, when and how one is to approach another, simply flew over her head. There was a staggering complexity to it, especially in the 'how' department; watching videos of some of the forms made many of them out to be precise, intricate and ritualistic forms of dance more than anything. _Intimidating, to say the least…intriguing, but hellishly intimidating. Though I'll admit, some of these are really beautiful…even ones that are just specific body language while walking. It's just so…fluid. I wonder if…if Liara is trained in these? I…maybe I should try working on some simple ones, so I can maybe be better with diplomacy? First impressions and all that…_

"Amber?" a voice called out nearby, drawing her attention to a tall, short-haired brunette lugging a large, wheeled foot locker. "Or should I say, Commander Shepard, first human Spectre?" the woman finished with a large grin plastered on her face.

Shepard practically hopped off the railing she'd been sitting on and jogged over to her. "Heather!" The woman set her luggage in place and opened her arms, gesturing for a hug. Shepard rolled eyes and let out a laugh as her old friend wrapped her arms around her and lifted her off the ground an inch or two.

She squeezed back and smiled as her friend set her back on her feet. "So much for protocol, I guess." Shepard joked, feeling more at ease now that Heather was safe in her care.

"You were never a stickler for it anyway. Hell, look at what you're wearing." Heather noted playfully. "I can't imagine how you're able to run your ship without it spiraling into complete and utter chaos."

"Hey, I do alright." She said with mock seriousness. "Honestly, though, it's been an experience, and I'm still learning. But it's gone better than expected so far. Anderson filled the ship with people who know what the hell they're doing, so I don't really have to do much other than tell them to keep doing what they do."

"And…morale? How is it? I heard about Eden Prime, it sounded like hell opened up down there." The taller woman stated sadly.

"It was bad… we lost a soldier, and in the end, Anderson was kicked off the ship, replaced by lil' ol' me. Not that I wanted it to go down that way, and…well, others didn't either. We lost a lot of crew over that debacle, and we're running short-staffed." Shepard explained. "But the people who stayed are good. There have been some issues I've needed to get ironed out, and ones I'm working on, but in the end, it's not a catastrophe in there."

"Well, I suppose that's better than nothing." Heather said, grabbing the handle of her footlocker and slowly wheeling it toward the airlock. "So where do I fit in?"

"Well, we lost half of the crew working in the battery, two comms specialists, and one technician. We also lost two engineers, but we picked up a quarian to fill one of those spots." Shepard noted, stepping into the decontamination chamber. "Honestly, we just need bodies. We have a turian helping fill the gap in the battery, so maybe that's not as much of a priority. It's your call, I'm just happy you're here."

Heather thought for a few moments as the room was slowly scanned. "Well working comms could be fun. I did some specialization in that field, so I'd say I'd probably be most useful there, although I wouldn't mind getting my hands on the Normandy's GARDIAN lasers…"

"Fine, I'll set you up in one of the empty terminals in the CIC, and you can help out in the battery when you feel like it." Shepard said, as the scan completed and they were let into the ship. As they passed through the airlock, Shepard glanced over at the cockpit. "Though you'll probably have to deal with our majestic pilot's sarcastic quips here and there, either way."

"You giving me sass, Commander?" Joker called out, leaning across his armrest to get a better look at his accusers. Shepard slowed to a stop and grinned.

"No, Joker, just pointing out the facts." Shepard chuckled as she gestured to her friend. "Flight Lieutenant Moreau, this is Lieutenant Laurent. She'll be working in comms and with the Normandy's weapon systems, so be nice to her."

Joker gave a nod of his head to Heather and then waggled his eyebrows at his commander. "The pilot's seat isn't the only place I weave my magic, Shepard." He called out as the two turned toward the CIC.

"I'm sure your successes in 'Vaenia: The Erotic Relationship Simulator' are breathtaking, Joker." Shepard quipped, pulling Heather further from the cockpit. She could hear the pilot grumbling behind her and couldn't help but grin. She had caught him playing it the day before they had hit Knossos, and had been waiting for an excuse to use it ever since.

"So…things are really that casual here?" Heather asked, stopping at the lip of the CIC.

"Not exactly. Joker's apparently the best pilot in the fleet, and he's already saved our asses once. He's earned some leeway. Fortunately, I'm pretty laid back when it comes to protocol and all that. And we like joking with each other. He spies on me, I embarrass him. It's a bit weird, but it's fun." Shepard noted, gesturing over to Pressly. "My XO, who tends to supervise the CIC, is much more 'by-the-book' than I am."

Heather looked around the large, round room. "There don't seem to be any other comms officers here…"

"They're on shore leave until the ship gets all the supply orders in. We're out of here tomorrow morning, I figure. No point sticking around the Citadel when Saren's somewhere out there." Shepard explained, walking toward the doors to the stairwell.

"Any new leads?" her friend asked; a simple question, without a simple answer. "I figure you have something if you practically demanded my old CO trade me over to you."

"Yes and no. Nothing concrete right now in regards to Saren, but…" Shepard started, opening the elevator doors. "Something did some up, and more or less, that's why I fast tracked your transfer. I'm really sorry if you liked that place…"

"Nah, New Birmingham was a shit hole." Heather spat, closing the doors. The elevator began its slow descent as the two stood in silence. "Well, what'd you stumble on?"

"You remember that trouble me and Faridah were involved in way back?" Shepard began, cracking her knuckles and joints on her hands to relieve her stress. "Well, they're back. We ran into some of their stuff a few days ago, and yesterday I ran into one of the old gang bangers from my childhood. Too much of a coincidence."

"Okaaay…" her friend said, looking at her with a sidelong glance. "And exactly why did that prompt you to practically abduct me from my last position? Not that I'm complaining, but…that was over a decade ago."

She had figured Heather would be tough to convince; the woman was a skeptic through and through, and she would often ignore most wilder theories or predictions until there was observable evidence to assess. Shepard knew, however, that her friend's protective streak ran about as deep as her own, and would hopefully come to the conclusion that it would be better to err on the side of caution. _Or at least, I hope that's what conclusion she comes to…_

"I got evidence that they might be entrenched within the SA. Hell, I'm pretty sure they did Akuze, because we ran into a copycat on Edolus. One of my crew could have died, it was…it was really bad." Shepard explained.

"And the importance of that is…if these people are in the Alliance, then what the hell can you do about it?" Heather asked nonchalantly.

"I can make sure you're safe aboard this ship." Shepard said, earning a look of annoyed disbelief from her friend. "Look, Anderson was never able to get info on that Fiske guy's superiors, and we knew the guy had been sending out reports about at least me. Doesn't take Cerberus much to put two and two together, not when humanity's first Spectre is someone who matches their old test subject to a tee. Faridah's not in the Alliance, so I can't do anything but warn her and hope nothing happens, but I can at least bring you on board. Besides, like I said, the ship needs a larger crew. It's a win-win."

Heather rubbed her face and shook her head slightly. "Well, for what it's worth, I figure I'll enjoy this position a bit more than the last. And…thanks for looking out for me Amber. I appreciate it, even if I think you're paranoid as all hell."

"Well, we can't all be as rational and logical as you, Heather." Shepard said with mock snarkiness, though she knew Heather had a point. Just because Cerberus reared their head, didn't mean they were after her. _It IS a big galaxy, afterall…_ "Anyway, we should be in the cargo bay soon. I'll show you where to keep your locker, introduce you to some of the crew, and all that…and I guess you should call me Shepard unless we're alone. Don't want people to get the impression I play favourites, even if I kinda do in your case."

"What's the going rate for me sneaking your first name out to the crew, anyway? What should I be charging?" Heather asked playfully, earning a light punch to the shoulder.

"A punch in the teeth. Seriously, don't. Only place I'm Amber on this ship is when I'm alone with you. Otherwise, when we're on Amaterasu or whatever, then yeah. It's just…I don't know if I'd be comfortable with so many people calling me that after so long. I'm used to Shepard now." She reasoned, earning a nod from Heather.

"Alright, alright. But you have to make me something special for my birthday this year." Her firmly stated as the elevator doors opened.

"I always make you something special for your birthday!" Shepard deadpanned, slowly strolling over to where the crew had lined up their respective lockers. "What, was four pounds of fudge not enough last year?"

"Well, the way you smell makes me want to ask you for cinnamon buns, but I don't think I could trust you to make them and not have them all devoured by the time the gift-giving began." Heather joked, pulling her locker to a stop against the wall.

"That only happened one year, and I only made one and a half dozen! You need to just let go of that…besides, didn't I make up for it with all that chocolate I gave you instead?" Shepard asked, exasperated.

"Of course you did…which is why I'm so happy we're going to your place this spring. I can trap you in your kitchen and you can be my personal baker." Heather noted, opening the door to her locker.

"Well, if we catch Saren in time…" Shepard started before her friend's finger pressed up against her lips.

"Don't jinx it! You'll catch him. I have faith." Heather said simply, reaching into her locker for something.

"Well, that makes two of us." Shepard answered, about to ramble on about what the crew thought before all words lost meaning, witnessing Heather pull a number of shrink-wrapped slabs from her storage.

"I figured these would get your attention. I may have faith, but I also want goodies." Her friend said, with a sly grin. She handed Shepard three of the five smallish slabs. "You get three, I get two. Call it a ship-warming gift, and an incentive to catch this asshole turian guy."

She couldn't help but blink back the swell of happiness she felt, holding onto the gifts. "It's a Christmas miracle…" Shepard whispered, in awe. "Honestly, how did you know I needed chocolate bark?"

"You always need chocolate bark." Heather said as if she had just been asked the most obvious question in all existence.

"Well, that's beside the point. It gets so horrible, just eating paste for days on end, or weeks on end. This…this will help me out a lot." Shepard smiled, drawing her friend into a light hug. As they separated, she noticed Heather's body tense up. "What's wrong?"

"Shepard, there is a krogan on your ship." Heather whispered frantically.

"Oh, yeah. Wrex. He grumbles a lot and generally doesn't like to talk to people unless you come bearing ryncol or something." She explained, before gesturing over to Garrus, who was half-hidden as he worked under the Mako. "And that's Garrus Vakarian. Former C-Sec, all around decent guy, though unless you're up for some stories, don't get him talking about his old job. Pretty gruesome stuff."

"So you have a krogan, a turian and a quarian onboard?" Heather asked, surprised.

"I've also got an asari on the ship. No salarians, volus or elcor, though." Shepard said, taking a moment to wonder where the hell an elcor would fit on the ship were one to be brought onboard.

"An asari? I thought you avoided everything that's blue." Heather asked, seemingly skeptical of her intentions. _I used to, it's just…_

"She's nice. She's actually pretty important to chasing Saren down, so it's a no-brainer keeping her aboard." Shepard stated. "Besides, I can't really get choosy at this point. She's really smart, though. Means well."

Shepard started to cross the cargo bay, Heather in tow, but Joker's voice came over the comms before they neared the engine room.

"Commander?" she heard the pilot ask, sounding more formal than usual.

"Yes, Joker?" Shepard responded, rolling her eyes. _How does he always know where I am?_

"I've got a transmission coming from the Citadel in the comms room. Probably Udina, though I'm not sure." Joker said calmly.

"I'll…I'll go up and see what it's about. Thanks Joker." She said, feeling the wind die in her sails. _I wanted to show her the engine room…_

"I guess you should probably see to it. Official duties and all." Heather noted. "It's alright, I can explore by myself."

"Alright. Tali, our resident quarian, will probably be in the engine room. Adams, the chief engineer, might be as well, but I think he's probably away with the crew right now. Just ask Tali to show you around or answer any questions… she's a really nice kid." Shepard said, backing up toward the elevator. "And try not to do that whole intense stare thing you do…"

"Shepard…" Heather called out as a warning, drawing a laugh from her commander.

"I'm just saying, you can be really intimidating! Try not to scare her witless! Anyway, let me know if there's anything you need when I get back. I'll be down in a bit." Shepard yelled through the promptly shutting doors.

 _Oh well, I'm sure she'll be fine…_ she mused, her only hope that Heather wouldn't terrify Tali accidentally. _I wonder why Udina would call me this early?_

* * *

Shepard stood in the comm. room as two holograms flickered into existence, one of Ambassador Udina and the other of Captain Anderson. She wasn't tremendously surprised at the former, but the latter's attendance was a bit of a shock. It was the first time since she'd seen him since he'd handed the Normandy over to her, and she wasn't entirely sure what to say to him, still.

"Shepard, it is good of you to show up. I was wondering when you would remember your duty to the Systems Alliance." Udina sneered, his annoyance visible from the dull representation of his body language in the hologram.

"I've been a little busy lately, sorry. But I haven't forgotten my duty to the Alliance…I just returned from a mission in Artemis Tau, in fact." Shepard noted calmly. _If he wants to try to rabidly tear me a new one, I'm going to play with him for a bit. He could have approached this the right way, but…alas…_

"Yes, your unplanned and unmentioned exploits in Therum were a catastrophe, Shepard! Therum was not a location we had recommended you scout, it…it had no relevance at all. You singlehandedly caused more damage to humanity than I could have fathomed, destroying a newly uncovered prothean ruin which we could have drawn royalties from for centuries!" Udina raged, pointing at her. "Give me the mission reports."

Shepard started to pace around the small room. It was theatrical, as she already knew what she wanted to say, but she didn't feel like being tremendously crass and looking like she was actively distancing herself from the Alliance. "Afraid I can't do that, Ambassador. I'm sure you fully understand the importance of keeping some matters classified during times like these." She said calmly, stopping to face Udina.

"You may be a Spectre, Shepard, but you are still bound by some laws and authority. This is not a request." Udina spoke, his voice steely. She could imagine his eyes slightly bulging, but the holo wasn't defined enough for such detail.

"I don't listen to demands that put my crew at risk, Udina. The only reason I have the authority of a Spectre is because of the help I was provided in bringing Tali'Zorah nar Rayya to safety. Without that, she would have died, the evidence against Saren would have been destroyed, and we would be completely without options." Shepard responded, her words taking on a little steel themselves. "This information was given to me, despite tremendous risk on their behalf. I'm not about to throw a powerful contact to the dogs just because you had to deal with a little fallout. I did what I had to do, Saren lost a precious asset, and we're better prepared for him going forward."

"It was more than just a little fallout Shepard. You truly expect me to take your word on this?" Udina asked, letting out a snide laugh.

"Well, I was the author of the mission reports anyways, so yes…I expect that. I expect you to trust that I'm doing what's best for humanity and the galaxy. Therum was a goddamned victory." She said, exasperated. "Look, I understand your frustration. I've had dozens of missions where I've been left without critical information that I needed to do a good job, due to some bullshit need-to-know basis that was actually just a cover-up or someone having fun using their authority to prove their power over others. Kept me from doing the job the way it needed to be done, so I understand. I don't like this any more than you do, but I can't tell you what happened down there. It could really hurt our chances at catching Saren. Just do your best, and trust that I won't lead you into ruin. I've had to do that hundreds of times for the Alliance, and I'm still here, aren't I?"

Udina stood silent for a number of moments, visibly seething. "I will not pursue this then, on the condition that you inform me of what the hell you're doing going forward." The Ambassador growled. "Anderson, you deal with her. I have more cleaning up to attend to."

Udina's holo promptly vanished, leaving Shepard and Anderson standing in silence.

"You really dealt a blow to him, Shepard?" Anderson asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yeah, he's going to have a damn difficult time learning about the protheans from here on out. That gives us an edge." Shepard said enthusiastically, choosing her words carefully.

"It would if we knew better on how to learn about protheans…unless…" Anderson said, pausing as Shepard's smile widened. Anderson nodded his head and grinned. "Good work, kid. I won't ask how you did it, but I'm glad you did. Udina's just got a lot of human businesses on his back thinking the Council sent you as a way to subvert their and humanity's success. I didn't figure you for the type."

"Hah, no. Not exactly. But I wasn't lying about doing a mission for the Alliance in Artemis Tau. You ever hear of Admiral Kahoku?" Shepard asked, curious as to whether or not they had any history.

"Yes, I served under him earlier in my career. Good man, but stern. What about him?" Anderson asked, his expression hardening as Shepard's darkened.

"He sent me into Knossos after a recon squad of his vanished. They were looking for some Armistan Banes guy that was serving under Kahoku at the time." Shepard began, glad it was Anderson she was telling the story to rather than Udina.

"Banes? I'd be glad to never hear than man's name again in my life. What happened?" the Captain queried, as Shepard began to pace.

"It was a clusterfuck, Anderson. We found what turned out to be a turian distress signal on Edolus, and took the Mako down to investigate it. Anderson…it was a second trial of Akuze. Recon team got lured to the surface, found the distress signal, and a damned thresher maw wiped them out. Almost took me and my ground team out too, and we didn't escape unwounded." Shepard ranted, a flood of emotions coursing through her veins.

"Shepard, I'm…wait, what do you mean a second 'trial' of Akuze? You're suggesting it's linked to…what exactly?" Anderson asked, shaking his head.

"Anderson, we recovered the transponder. I had the comms team give it a thorough analysis and…they found Cerberus' sigil on some of the equipment. I think they not only re-enacted Akuze…they DID Akuze. It's their MO and you know it." Shepard spoke, her body vibrating from the fury that the shady organization fueled her with.

"It makes some sense, but Shepard…they looked into it and didn't find anything out. This may have been Cerberus, but Akuze? I…" Anderson began before Shepard felt her mouth move and her words cut him off.

"Kahoku came to me in desperation, Anderson. A goddamn rear admiral who was buried in red tape, trying to find out what happened to his recon team. That's all he wanted to know, and he couldn't get any resources. Someone…some people maybe, higher up than him, decided it was out of bounds." Shepard blurted out, her words coming fast and furious. "Atwood never got any answers on Akuze. She fought goddamn hard and look at where that got her…a shit placement out on Horizon with the local militia kids. We both can see the signs there, Captain. I sent a report back to Kahoku, but he hasn't gotten back to me. Is there anything…anything at all that you know about Cerberus that could remotely help?"

Anderson paused and let out a sigh. "When we brought Fiske in for questioning, I was put on the periphery. Alliance brought in their big guns to talk to him. Didn't get much out of him before he up and died."

"Yeah, I knew about that. A goddamn waste of time…how could they not get something?" Shepard asked, feeling those old emotions boil back up again.

"I…Shepard, I'm going to come clean with you. What I'm about to tell you will not leave this room, or…or you could make some very powerful enemies, and not even your title of Spectre would help you." Anderson noted, to which Shepard immediately nodded. "Back after the First Contact War, the Alliance began studying other species and how they operated in the galaxy. It didn't take long to notice a similar trend…Salarian STG, Turian Blackwatch, Asari Justicars…each species had its own wing of dealing with the dirty problems that prevented them from progressing and holding power. The Alliance followed suit and decided to create their own black ops."

Shepard paled as Anderson's words spilled out, finding it difficult to comprehend the reality he was spinning, yet feeling dumbfounded over having not considered it in the past. _Mother of Christ…Alliance test geth weapons on corpses…Cerberus would do it on live people and develop bio-weapons…Christ, yeah, why didn't I see that before?_

"Cerberus was founded to promote humanity at any cost, and it didn't take long for the program to spiral out of the Alliance's hands and into the hands of businesses and politicians. No one really knew who lead Cerberus…it was rumoured to be three people, but our last solid intel on those leaders shows all of them are deceased…have been for over two decades." Anderson continued, grimacing. "They're as rogue as Saren is now, and I'm certain they have a number of people within the Alliance as well…especially within the old guard."

"So…so what the hell am I supposed to do now, knowing that? Fuck…that's why they were able to get to me and other kids so easily…goddamnit!" Shepard yelled, feeling the urge to slam her fist into something. She felt like she was sixteen again, and it was infuriating.

"Armistan Banes, the man you mentioned earlier who was working under Kahoku. He disappeared for a while when Cerberus went dark, he'd been one of the operatives under that branch, and came back about a year later. He was…changed. He's something of a…cleaner, for the Alliance. They figured, after Cerberus went dark, they'd just use a series of single agents to do the trick but…I've always had a nagging feeling he was a sleeper agent." Anderson explained. "If he went missing, then Kahoku would investigate. If you hand me the names of the recon team, I'll look into their history, their family ties, and see if I can dig anything up. The last thing we need is Cerberus getting in the way of our hunt for Saren."

Shepard nodded slowly, exhaling. "Yeah. Anderson…thanks. I really appreciate this."

"Well, I'm an old man now. It's the least I can do to help." The Captain answered, smiling.

"No really…this means a lot to me. I'm fucking infuriated, but…knowing I have someone on my side in this is a huge relief." Shepard continued, still surprised that Anderson was both being helpful, and that she felt comfortable with him helping. "Get in touch with Kahoku if you can, and I'll send you the data on the transponder frequency. Pull a favour if you can and try to find out if it matches the one from Akuze. We get that, and I figure you and the rear admiral can pull Atwood in and get her to help out. Chances are they already know Kahoku's digging around but internally…I doubt they'll do anything, even with a transfer like that. And I don't think many will really suspect you, but I'm not really sure of your rep or anything."

"That sounds like a sound plan. I'll check around, keep my head low. In the meantime, Udina and I came across a potential lead for you." Anderson noted, drawing Shepard's full attention away from thoughts of Cerberus.

"I'm all ears, Anderson." She said quickly, earning a brisk nod.

"One of our colonies on Feros has gone offline. No transmissions for a day now, and…the only intel we have is that there was a Geth dreadnought sighted entering the system." Anderson explained, shooting her a knowing look. "Normally I wouldn't feel a little excited over this, but all other reported attacks on colonies have just stated minor geth presence. An actual dreadnought…that places Feros as a high priority for Saren, for some reason."

"So do we know anything outside of the dreadnought? I mean, I'm going to check it out as soon as possible, but I need to know more than the planet's name." Shepard reasoned.

"Well, the colony is Zhu's Hope. At least, that's the one that was referenced. It's not an official Alliance colony, it's overseen by a private corporation that the Alliance funds, Exogeni." Anderson said, practically spitting the company's name. "They've refused to say anything about why a dreadnought would attack their colony, but it must be something major."

"Alright, so we'll be walking in blind…but that only means I'll tear the whole fucking place apart." Shepard noted quietly.

"Udina doesn't want you to do that. He doesn't want another Therum, and Feros…is a planet that was once populated by protheans." Anderson explained cautiously. "We need you to be a little graceful here. Human investments and all."

"Alright, but if everything goes to hell down there then…then I'm going to do what I have to. You know that. Besides, if it's a known place that the protheans lived on, they've had millennia to study it. The Council can screw themselves if they get mad at me for causing a little collateral damage, when geth fucking dreadnoughts are probably bombarding the planet from space." Shepard ranted, clenching and unclenching her fingers, her knuckles cracking with each repetition.

"I know you will, and I trust you." Anderson stated firmly. "You're doing a great job, Shepard. Now go get ready, I've talked to you for long enough."

"Thank you Captain. Good luck." She called out as the man cut his transmission. _Fuck…Feros…well, a lead is a lead, and if there's geth, then Saren wants something…in this case, he wants it bad…_

She turned and practically bolted out of the comm. room toward the CIC.

"Pressly! We need to set a course for Feros." She exclaimed as he came into view. The man was startled by the volume of her speech, but nodded and opened up his terminal. "And I need reports to go out to everyone on shore leave right now, that they have five hours to get back to the ship. We leave in five. I'll personally get on fast tracking any supply orders that haven't come in yet."

"Aye aye, ma'am." The aging man called out as she passed him on her way to the stairwell. The elevator ride to the basement would be a long wait, but it would give her time to plan, to weigh her options. _What fucking ground crew do I take into a blind hellhole?_

* * *

The turian was right where he'd seemingly been most of the day, kneeling inside of the Mako, putting final touches on his calibrations of its weapon systems. She walked up the back ramp and plopped down on one of the surprisingly comfortable seats.

"So, you wanted to talk?" She asked simply. Garrus had sent her a message a half hour ago, saying he had a small favour to ask.

"Oh hey, Shepard." Garrus noted, his focus not trailing from his work. "You know, I'm kind of starting to love this strange beast. Still could use more firepower, but…well, I can't complain. I knew working with a Spectre would be better than at C-Sec. I get to calibrate weapons as much as I like, and I don't have to deal with a week of paperwork after every little thing."

Shepard laughed at the remark and gave a gentle pat against the Mako's frame. "Yeah, well, I guess I could pass some your way, if you missed it. Spectres aren't exactly free of that stuff."

"Well, at least you get to make your own rules, bypass red tape." Garrus said calmly, closing the secondary cannon's terminal and opening the main one's.

Shepard quirked her head to the side, wondering where Garrus was going with his statements. "Well, usually the rules are there for a reason. I mean, I'm not the biggest proponent of doing things by the book all the time, but it's important to pay attention to protocols."

"Maybe, but sometimes it feels like they keep me from doing my job. If I have to catch a suspect, it shouldn't matter how I do it, so long as I catch them. It's a big reason why I left the force." Garrus explained, his mandibles wavering slightly.

"I'm not going to say they make everything perfect or great, Garrus. Rules, to me, are like tactics. I follow all of the standard ones until something comes up that I need to adapt to, and forces me to change my approach. I never operate without rules, and when I strip parts of them away, I make sure I know why I'm doing that, and not to make a habit of it." She reasoned, stretching her legs and propping them up on another nearby seat. "I just hope you know what you've gotten yourself into."

"It's not that I wanted to leave…I hated it. My father's a proud former C-sec officer, and working in the force was a great honour. It's just that as I rose in ranks, I got saddled with more red tape, and my ability to catch criminals…it got to the point where it was baffling. I blame a lot on Executor Pallin, who 'enhanced' protocols and regulations when he was appointed." Garrus said, leaning away from the terminal, turning his focus to Shepard. "On a street with three civilians walking by, I couldn't take a clear shot at a mob leader running away. Not even a shot at his leg…not even with stun rounds…if there are civilians nearby and you can't physically catch and tackle the suspect, you're basically out of luck." He finished, his head sagging.

"And your turian honour prevents you from breaking the rules while on the job, I imagine?" Shepard asked, earning a reluctant nod. "Well I'll admit, that seems really restrictive. I can't promise there won't be similar cases on this hunt of ours, but so long as you follow my lead, I think we'll be able to work something out."

"Thanks, Shepard. And…look, when we were back on the Citadel, I stopped by to see a friend." Garrus noted, his darkened tone drawing Shepard's full attention. "She runs a clinic in the wards…was a great help in tracking Tali down."

"Doctor Michel, right?" She asked for confirmation, absolutely butchering the woman's last name.

"Yeah. She's run into a bit of trouble. Williams and I did a bit of investigative work." Garrus continued, earning a smirk from Shepard. _So Ash did take my advice…I'll have to talk to her later, see how she handled it_. "And we came across a name of someone who's blackmailing her and threatening to put her out of business."

She shrugged and gave him an apologetic look. "Garrus, I'm sorry, we…well, we've got Feros coming up, and I don't like to plan that far ahead. If I can help, I'll help, but it'll probably have to be the next time we hit the Citadel."

"I know you're busy Shepard, that's why I'm asking if you'll talk to Wrex for me. I know he's the Shadow Broker's agent here…he might be able to pull some information on the bastard." Garrus said, his determination to help winning her over bit by bit. _I really shouldn't fall into debt over something this potentially minor…_

"Give me the name, and I'll see if I can't work something out." Shepard said, sighing quietly, hoping she wouldn't regret her decision.

"Armistan Banes. I don't…" the turian began, before Shepard practically exploded off her seat.

"What?!" She yelled out, one hand on her head in shock, the other slowly clenching. Slowly, she crossed over and knelt beside him. "Tell me everything." He finished, through grit teeth.

"Well, um…Doctor Michel knew this guy from a ways back, and he's using a…judgment call of hers in the past to blackmail her. He's been having her send medical supplies down to Morlan's in exchange for his silence." Garrus stated cautiously, curiously eyeing Shepard over. "I take it you know who he is."

"He's most likely part of Cerberus, a human extremist group. Banes was one of their sleeper agents in the Alliance, except he went missing. That shit on Edolus? That was probably him baiting the recon team." Shepard explained, trying to tone down her anger. "I'm going to tell Anderson about this, he's a Captain in the Alliance, and he's trying to dig up more on Banes and Cerberus right now. Having a paper trail from Morlan's might help figure out where the hell this guy's hiding, and why he'd need those medical supplies. Can you get her to send you a list of what she's sent out?"

"I can. Thanks for helping Shepard." Garrus said with relief, turning back to his console.

"Thanks yourself. Anything helps. In the mean time, I'm going to find something to punch." She grumbled, leaving the confines of the Mako.

_Banes being involved in Edolus is one thing, but…damn it, if he's involved in something else like this, he must be pretty well connected. If we find him, maybe we can find out more about the Cerberus leaders…why the hell is this happening now?_

* * *

Liara waited patiently in the elevator, wishing it would go faster, but also wishing it would only reach their destination when she was fully prepared. Word had spread around the Normandy that the ship was en route for Feros, an old prothean-colonized planet that was more of a ruin than anything. After sitting out the mission on Edolus, she felt a distinct need to be of some help to the crew if she were to remain on the ship. Shepard had already asked if she had biotic ability, and the fact that she did seemed to please the commander. Still, she wanted to be included on the ground mission, and wondered if it was too big of a leap of faith for Shepard to take. _I am sure she would be reasonable at the very least…_

She looked down at her gloved hands and wondered whether her biotics would carry her far enough, as she hadn't been incredibly proficient with pistols in the past. _I…I am certain I could be of some use…in some position…_

She swallowed back her apprehension as the elevator finished its sluggish trip to the cargo bay. Her hand lightly touched the button to open the doors, and she stepped out to the sight of Shepard circling around a tall red leather bag over near the lockers, hanging from a stubby steel outcropping from the wall. _I suppose with space so limited, it would be difficult to designate specific exercise areas…_

Her steps slowed eventually to a stop as her eyes traced the human's movements around the bag, Shepard's arms snapping forth intermittently, her legs following the odd punch with thunderous strikes that echoed through the cavernous bay. Her body would launch herself at the bag occasionally, her knees colliding with the object viciously.

Liara's gaze shifted down the woman's legs; short, clingy material cut off mid-thigh and offered her a good look at Shepard's muscular tone, her pale skin glistening in sweat from the activity. She was practically dancing around in a half circle, on the balls of her feet; the human's form was unfamiliar to her, and she wondered if there was a particular martial style she was practicing. _It is not so dissimilar to the Jhoe'lyae form Shiala would practice each morning, but this is more… chaotic, and Shiala would strike at a greater distance…_ Her eyes slowly worked their way back up, resting for a few seconds on Shepard's wide, amply cushioned hips, taking all of her will to pry them further upward. Shepard wasn't quite as public with her torso, although a black skintight workout tee left little to the imagination in terms of her figure. Her eyes hugged the commander's upper reaches intently as she made note that there was surprisingly little movement on their behalf. _Perhaps humans are different in that area. I should do some…research later…_ Liara's eyes traced a path further upward, appreciating the woman's slender neck, blushing as Shepard gave a light grunt, sending a kick roaring into the bag. _It is no wonder she was able to carry me out of Therum…she is magnif…she is in magnificent shape. Her legs look so…Goddess, they are like…_

"Shepard, you have a visitor." She heard grumbled from off to the side, blushing as she noticed Wrex staring nonchalantly at her. The woman halted her exercise, but continued to bounce in place off one foot, then the other.

"Oh hey! What's up, Liara?" Shepard asked, following it with a bright smile. Her breathing was slightly labored, her face slightly flushed, and her hands rested casually against her hips. Liara marveled at how the human's hair had come somewhat loose, with a number of thick, curly strands plastered across her forehead, one large one trailing down her left cheek.

"I do not mean to interrupt, Shepard. I apologize." Liara stated, feeling a familiar blush heat her cheeks. _Stop being so crude, Liara…you were just staring at her…you came here for a reason, not to ogle the commander's strong, dripping wet legs…it is not taboo to compliment other asari on their physique, but…I feel Shepard would take offense…she is not a dancer up for display! Although with those legs…and those hips…_

"It's alright, I was finishing up, anyway. What's on your mind?" the woman openly wondered, gesturing Liara to join her over near the lockers, where Shepard grabbed a towel and began patting herself dry.

"I…know that we will be arriving at Feros soon. I was wondering if you had plans to take me along with you." Liara said nervously, her eyes darting away to the nearby table.

Shepard leaned back against a locker and rubbed her chin lightly. "You know, I kind of forgot to run you through the basics. I mean, you've told me you have years of using your biotics, and you've probably handled some sort of firearm before, right?" Shepard asked thoughtfully, her gaze softening as Liara shrunk at the mention of firearms.

"I…have not fired a gun in nearly a decade, Shepard. My biotics have never put me in a position where a pistol would be more sufficient." She explained, earning a slow nod from the commander.

"Well, are you busy right now? Can we do a little training to see exactly what you can do? I'll need to see if you'll be able to handle yourself down there." Shepard said, grabbing the nearby water bottle and squirting a generous amount of the fluid into her mouth. Liara mustered a nod, all she felt she could will herself to as the pain in her chest returned. "Good. I'll grab Ash to kit you up in armor. I'll be back in ten."

Liara watched Shepard cross the cargo bay over to the Mako, where Williams and Garrus were conversing, and blushed as she locked onto the woman's slight, but noticeable, sway. She remained with the duo for a few moments before departing for the elevator, leaving Liara to watch the gunnery chief practically tromp over to the table.

"You sure you want to do this, Doctor?" Williams asked, sounding skeptical. "I mean, you're not exactly a soldier."

Liara shook her head and gave a firm look to the woman. She knew Williams did not care for her, and did not want to give the marine any opportunity to think less of her. "I am not a soldier, but I am a Matriarch's daughter. I was trained in combat by asari commandos, and I still perform my daily rituals each morning. I may not be well trained in firearms, but I will devote myself to it if my biotics are not satisfactory."

Williams shrugged, letting out a sigh as she opened up a large container. "Well, don't say I didn't warn you, doc. I'm not sure what Shepard's cooking up for you, but it probably won't be easy. She's got some high standards."

Liara merely nodded and eyed up the armor Ashley was pulling from the bin and piling on the table. The fitting did not take long; Williams had provided her with a light bodysuit made of a light weave that had some stabilizers built in to absorb biotic attacks. Shepard had apparently picked it out for her when they had been shopping but she hadn't recalled being questioned over measurements. _Not that it truly matters, this is more form fitting than anything, and it fits me like a glove…would Shepard wear something like this?_

The elevator opened with a light creak, Shepard happily trotting out of it, carrying a small box and a blasto plushie. She heard Williams laugh under her breath beside her, and personally found it difficult to keep from grinning at the silly contents the woman was carrying. Shepard stopped a few metres short of them and pulled out a thick white rock from the box, kneeling to the floor. Liara watched, puzzled as the human traced a rough looking circle on the metal flooring and placed the plushie carefully in the middle of it. She then hopped back to her feet and approached the two of them, appearing more serious than when she had emerged from the elevator. Shepard gave Liara a quick look over and shrugged her shoulders.

"Alright, Liara, I want you to stand anywhere in that circle." She stated, gesturing toward the small space. Liara obediently followed and stood there awkwardly, shifting her weight as apprehension filled her. Shepard, for her part pulled a pair of slightly padded gloves out of the box and slipped them on.

"Is…is there a reason for the hanar stuffed toy?" Liara asked sheepishly earning a quick nod from the woman.

"We'll be heading down to a colony. No idea if there's adults there, kids, or whatever. That hanar represents a small child for this exercise." Shepard stated firmly. "I need to know that you can protect those that are vulnerable down there. There will be geth all over the place if my guesses are correct, and that puts a lot of people in danger. You don't have strong gun training, so I'll be checking your biotics first."

Liara nodded in understanding. It made sense for her to have to prove her defensive abilities first and foremost if she were to be placed in a supportive role. "What do you need me to do, Shepard?"

Shepard turned and yelled after Wrex, who, after a number of attempts, finally lumbered over to them. "Wrex, you're more familiar with asari in combat than I am. I want you to make note of whatever forms or posture she's using, and whether or not there may be some improvements she could make." She noted, earning a nonsensical grumble from the krogan. "I know you're eating the goddamn MREs, so can it. You owe me, and you have more experience. You do this, and I promise you a sparring match sometime in the future, alright?"

The big red krogan smiled at the offer and let out a low chuckle. "Alright, Shepard. But it'll have to be off this damned ship."

"Whatever. It'll be planetside, whenever we find the time. For now, I need you to watch Liara and see how she's doing." Shepard explained, earning an affirming grunt from Wrex. She then turned to Liara, her eyes lit up in amusement. "As for you, I want you to erect a barrier when I say 'go'."

Liara's brow furrowed in confusion, not quite understanding the purpose. "Shepard, you must be aware that barriers look alike…the only difference is how they flicker in and out when they're failing." Liara stated, looking sidelong at the commander.

"Right you are. I want you to put up a damn strong barrier when I say go, because I'm going to be doing my damnedest to break it. We'll do a few trials, each growing more intense as we go, and I'll see how I feel afterward." Shepard said casually, a small smirk tugging at the edge of her lips. Liara couldn't help but pale at the thought of a Spectre assaulting her defenses, and suddenly felt immense regret. Shepard must have sensed her concern, as she leaned her head down slightly to meet Liara's gaze. "I'm not going to try and kill you or anything…I've been using my biotics for a long time, I know how to control them, and I'm not going to let you get hurt. Trust me." The woman said, her words soft and reassuring. She ignored Wrex's grunt of displeasure and gave the commander a smile in acknowledgement.

Liara watched the woman slowly circle away from her, putting some distance between them. Liara pivoted herself in place, matching the human's movements as she counted down slowly from five. She focused on her meditation techniques, focusing and calming herself as her stance widened slowly, as her breaths grew longer and steadier. She barely heard the key word escape Shepard's lips, but the impact of the woman's knee against her swiftly erected barrier sent an audible crack through the room and skidded Liara backward an inch or three, sending a short gasp from her lips in shock. _She was metres away just a moment ago…_ She watched as Shepard's body quickly recovered and spun around, her foot wreathed in blue, landing a potent kick against her barriers that momentarily caused her focus to waver, her barrier to flicker. Shepard stopped her concise assault and nodded as she paced around Liara once again.

"Good, that was the first thing I was curious of, whether you'd be able to get a barrier up quickly enough, on reflex basically, and have it be sturdy enough to hold against a short concentrated attack." Shepard explained, a bead of sweat dripping from her chin and onto the floor. She turned her head and gave Liara a proud smile. "Good work, doc. Now, let's continue."

Shepard's assaults were frantic and relentless, each strike powerful enough to leave her short of breath. After a while, the woman would get crafty, charging alongside her barrier to a new striking point, causing her to immediately alter her bearings, and focus more on Shepard's movements than constructing a static barrier for defense. Each attack came in on a different level, from a different angle, with varying timing, keeping her on her toes and bringing back memories of her intense training sessions with Shiala. Shepard was nowhere near as fluid, nor was she using warps or throws, but the relentless barrage was eerily similar, as was her footwork. With each movement Shepard took, she tried to think in advance in order to keep her feet and barrier planted where they needed to be to protect her plushie. It was the commander's after all, and she didn't want it to be ruined. _Thank Athame for all those years of combat training…_

Her head felt ablaze, her body weakened from exertion, and she was drenched in sweat after the apparent six minute mark. Liara couldn't imagine how Shepard was able to dole out so much punishment after having exercised heavily prior to the session, unable to keep from marveling at the woman's conditioning. _Goddess, will she ever stop?_ She wondered as she repositioned her barrier to block a kick, aware of how the woman had slowly been whittling her away from the plushie, slowly but surely. She'd had to shrink the field of her barrier to save energy, and at times extend it spatially to defend other sections due to how out of position she was. Shepard was taking full advantage of it, darting around her with a constant playful look on her face; she occasionally broke through her barriers momentarily, or whiffed through the air where she'd opted not to raise one strategically, but only made minor positioning gains, if any at all.

Liara shifted her barrier to block another kick, and panicked as Shepard instead feinted, charging off to the left instead. She spun around as quickly as she could, putting up a barrier behind her but it was too late. The audible crack of her barriers collapsing echoed through the room as her body went flying unceremoniously through the air toward a shocked looking gunnery chief. _Oh Goddess!_ Just as she was about to collide with the hard metal floor, she felt a strange shift in momentum, her body instead slowly floating and twisting aimlessly a foot or two from the ground. _What…_

Before she could focus her biotics to recover, a pair of hands gently took hold of her shoulders and lower back, slowly guiding her closer to a standing position as the biotic lift wore off. She looked over her shoulder and gave Shepard a relieved smile, having appreciated the gesture. She hadn't felt so spent since her final exam with Shiala over two decades prior.

Shepard, for her part, looked exhausted, but entirely amused. The woman let out bursts of light laughter and she helped keep Liara stable, waiting for her to get her balance back. _Is it truly so funny that I failed the trial?_ She thought, unable to suppress a frown as her cheeks blushed in shame. _I wish she wouldn't laugh at me…_

"Wrex…can you confirm what just happened, because I feel like I'm on crazy pills right now." Shepard said between laughs.

The krogan shot Liara a savage looking grin and pulled a grenade from his waist. "Should we give her a booster so we can test out grenades on her? Or maybe we should hop in the Mako and see what happens?"

Liara paled at the statement _. I…they wouldn't!...Would they? I mean, truly, if they meant to execute me, they would surely use more efficient means, and…oh, Goddess…_

"I'm sorry, Shepard. I…I tried really hard." Liara spoke, her voice breaking as the weight of her defeat and her exhaustion bore down upon her. "Please forgive me."

Liara wasn't prepared to be spun so quickly around, and her vision blurred from dizziness and fatigue from the action, her eyes taking a number of seconds to see the excited look on Shepard's face. "Liara…I don't know how you could possibly think you failed. I…fuck, where in the hell did you get that kind of juice from? I mean…every time I saw an opening, it was like you hadn't even tired out. I've never seen anyone lure my positioning with a barrier before…that's new. Never seen anyone make barriers just big enough for my attacks either." Shepard rambled, shaking her head slightly, offering out another laugh in disbelief. "You're a damn strong biotic."

Liara cast her eyes down to the floor, trying to make sense of all the confusing banter. _But…what about the Mako? It…I don't understand, if they would…_ she tried to organize her storm of thoughts but her head was pounding and she was too tired to think properly. A hand caught her chin and lifted it until her eyes met the commander's. _Goddess, those eyes are so…radiant…_

"Liara, I'm proud of you. You were great." Shepard whispered, her voice soothing her fears. "Let's get you a booster, your head must be pounding, and I don't want you to feel any worse for wear after that fantastic defense." The woman gently wrapped an arm across Liara's back, her hand taking residence under Liara's armpit for support as the two sluggishly made their way over to the bench on the far side of the bay. Despite Shepard's obvious exhaustion, Liara still felt a comforting strength in her arms as she was held close against the human's sweat soaked body. _We are about the same height, I think…depending on if her hair fur is solid, she may be slightly shorter, but…certainly not diminutive…_ she realized as she was led across the cargo bay.

Shepard gently eased her down onto the bench and rummaged in a nearby crate, grabbing out two tubes, one green and one red. "I know you don't like nutrient pastes, but these are actually pretty good." The woman said, still grinning ear to ear. "I made sure to splurge on these, because after a good session, or a mission, it's nice to have something that doesn't taste heinous. Lemon-lime, or Cherry?"

Liara fought against the urge to just lay down and sleep on the cold, hard bench and reached for the red tube due to it being closer. She unscrewed the top lazily and squeezed a generous amount into her mouth, immediately noticing the pleasant, tangy flavor. Mere moments later the urge to sleep was gone and she felt slightly more energetic, her head no longer throbbing in pain.

She took a moment to find the words to her confusion and turned to Shepard, who was happily slurping back the paste. "So…Wrex was joking?" she asked, her eyes momentarily glancing at the krogan who had returned to his regular standing area. "I mean…about the Mako and grenades."

Shepard merely cocked her head to the side and swallowed what was in her mouth, suppressing another laugh. "No, no, I'm pretty sure he was curious. Although I'm pretty sure he also likes using big guns and causing explosions."

"I…I see." It was all she could manage, her focus torn between the loose bun of hair on the woman's head, and the post-trial realizations flooding her head. Eventually, the latter won, but not without much deliberation. "Shepard, I would be…cautious to place such confidence in my biotic ability, as you were unarmored, and my armor helped reduce the effect of your attacks, and you were already tired, and…"

"I would have been slower with armor on. No way I would have gotten you so close to the edge of the bubble otherwise. It was hard enough maneuvering against you without restrictions. I think it's safe to say you're fit for at least a support role." Shepard explained before finishing off her tube. "Honestly…I've never seen someone be able to keep their focus so steady for so long, you were pretty incredible."

Liara blushed at the compliment and found words spilling out of her throat faster than she could screen them. "You have the prowess of an asari huntress, Shepard, and I do not say that lightly." Liara blurted out, forcing her blush to deepen. She cleared her thoughts and gave herself a moment before continuing, turning her focus from the Spectre. "I…was trained by House T'Soni's greatest for years. They taught me all that I know, and I am fortunate that it may be enough to help you in your mission."

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Shepard's arm go to her neck, enacting her nervous tic as the woman blushed fiercely. _Goddess, I just had to go and say something to embarrass her…Oh, I wish I were better at this…_

"Any secret tips or techniques you could pass my way? From one biotic to another?" Shepard asked, a hint of shyness in her body language as she stifled a yawn.

"I…well, there is always meditation. It…helps me with my control. I perform the rituals each morning, you could join me, if you like." Liara replied uncertainly; feeling her warm cot calling out to her, she screwed the cap back on the tube, handing it back to the Commander, who dumped it back into the crate. She couldn't help but notice that despite devouring the entire tube of her stim, the woman still appeared to be exhausted. _She looks as if she's not sleeping well…perhaps I shall show her some other rituals to help? Or…perhaps I can approach her about using a meld to help her understand the visions? Or would it be too soon for that? I do not want to hurt her…_

"I would…really like that. I look forward to it." Shepard noted quietly, a smile spreading across her face again, causing Liara's chest pressure to return.

She got to her feet, waving off Shepard as politely as she could manage, signaling she could walk on her own. "I will get some well needed rest then, Shepard. I wake at 0600 if that is acceptable."

Shepard shot her an easy smile and nodded, leaving Liara to turn and return to the elevator, feeling a swell of pride and satisfaction in herself after the day's events, though she did worry about the sensations in her chest. _They are lasting longer than they were before…perhaps I really should ask Doctor Chakwas to give me a checkup, just in case…I do not wish to put the mission at risk just as I am being included._

She pressed the button to ascend and eagerly awaited a nice, peaceful rest in her cot. She momentarily worried about Shepard again, wondering if her sleep was also pleasant, but she quieted her concerns, recalling Shepard's promise the night before. Despite the wonderful sleep ahead, she found it was the morning she could not wait for _. I am merely excited for the mission to start, to show what I can contribute to the rest of the crew…it will be nice to know that Shepard and Wrex at least believe in me…_

She smiled at the thought and closed her eyes, waiting patiently to get to her destination.


	18. Static

The air wasn't right. Kaidan had been a lot of places in his life, but nowhere had smelled quite like this before. He'd wanted to chalk it up to the lingering effects of the firefight the Normandy's crew had with the geth forces at Zhu's Hope, but with everyone winding down, and Shepard and her team having returned a dozen or so minutes prior, the sinking feeling in his gut wasn't going away.

The colony had seen a lot of damage; it had been small to begin with, but all but two of their prefabs were charred debris, and the ones left standing weren't in the greatest shape either. The vegetation still had a heavy presence, but most was marred by geth weaponry and what looked to be good ol' fashioned ballistics. The colonists didn't exactly have the most powerful weapons, mostly just pistols and the odd worn out assault rifle, so he figured they had either started with a lot more, or they had held out for a long time. He couldn't quite settle on an answer there, and it ultimately wasn't truly what was troubling him.

Kaidan took a look around at his surroundings and couldn't help but feel apprehensive. The colony wouldn't last much longer, at any rate, and likely would have collapsed under the geth's most recent attack had they not arrived, yet the colonists met them with a cautious hostility. He understood the reaction; hard not to be on edge when you're constantly under threat, and the disappointment of such a small team being their backup likely dimmed their hopes. He wouldn't blame them for feeling bitter, and he hoped that was all he was feeling as he slowly traversed the area around the tiny series of prefabs.

If Feros was anything, it was a hazy, humid mess, and the heat was borderline annoying. He felt sweat drip down his right temple, and wished he could take his helmet off, but they were still fairly blind in terms of the situation, and he felt it was still necessary. Though, as his eyes scanned across a colonist laboring over the damaged water filtration system, he wondered why she was so covered up. _Surely, she could take a bit of a break from the heat…_ he thought, giving her a sidelong look as he passed her. _Though…she's kind of pale, and maybe the UV index is pretty bad here._

He caught a glimpse of Wrex in the distance, hanging back near where they had entered the colony, pacing by the entrance as if he were a caged beast waiting for a fight. The relief from knowing someone else was feeling the tension was mitigated by the fact that he couldn't exactly find a source of it _. I've visited and been posted at a few colonies before…what makes this one different?_ He wondered, looking back to the colonist working on the pipes, whose gaze swiftly moved away from him to her work. _Well, there's the hostility. Or maybe she's just looking at me…I mean, I have to admit I'm an alright looking guy, but…hrm…_

Kaidan circled back through slowly, mentally taking note of the colonists. Twenty three that he could tell, though there would likely be a few more in the smallish prefabs. The colony was not in good shape, and he couldn't see any sign of farming equipment or anything to help with subsistence. _Must all work at the Exogeni lab, wherever that is._ He mused, turning his focus to the two apparent leaders of the community, who were in the midst of a discussion with Shepard. He approached slowly and hung back a few metres, leaning against the wall of one of the buildings, not wanting to interrupt, but wanting to keep an eye on everything as best he could.

The lieutenant's eye caught sight of a functioning crane, yet there were no objects in sight that would put it to work, and he couldn't think of any reason to keep it as maintained as it seemed to be if it wasn't getting frequent use. He could see the relatively fresh coat of oil on some of the parts, and the odd minor puddle still visible on the ground. He wondered if they were getting regular supplies from Exogeni, or if they'd recently run out _. Perhaps that's why they're as on edge as they are…no food, probably no lasting help…I guess I'd be pretty pissed too…_ he thought, turning his gaze to a nearby colonist, working on repairing some defenses. _But…they don't look pissed…they just look…blank._

The colonist's face was pallid, her eyes aimed at a portion of a railing that needed patching up, but her expression was slack and utterly blank. By the intricate work she was doing, he figured her focus would be intently placed on the small area, yet she toiled away, her green eyes saccading more than fixating.

"Kaidan." He heard Shepard call out nearby. He turned to her and noticed her gesturing him to follow her. He fell in step alongside her and the two walked through the colony in silence, back toward where they'd come from. Kaidan occasionally stole a glance at his CO, noticing she was deep in thought, and felt that maybe she might have a better idea at what they'd need to do from here on out.

"Shepard, any news on what exactly is going on here?" he asked, drawing her immediate attention as they closed in on Wrex, who was still slowly tromping around intensely. "My gut's screaming at me to get this all over with as fast as possible."

"So you feel it too?" Shepard asked quietly, leaning up against an aging steel railing. She looked unsettled, a look he wasn't used to seeing on her. "What do you think about the colony, Alenko?"

He sighed and hoped that he wouldn't sound as paranoid as he thought he was being. "It's just…a little eerie is all. There's so much carnage, and everyone looks like they're starving to death, and…and…" His voice trailed off as his conscience was telling him he was just feeling skittish. Wrex made his way over and stood silently by the Commander. Kaidan wasn't sure what to think of the gesture, but he felt that maybe their conversation drew his attention. _Though he's not really the talkative type…_

"And their eyes are all goddamn green. Different shades, but…green. That's weird. You notice all their prefabs have been smoked pretty substantially aside from the two near where the geth came from? You'd think that those would be hit hard, that they'd see some damage, but they've really kept those two in great shape. The rest are falling apart and are basically debris." Shepard added, shaking her head slowly. "Their water systems have been out for longer than the three days they've been telling me, and they are starving."

Feeling slightly encouraged by Shepard being on his wavelength, he decided to point out some more minor things. "Their faces too…they're just…it's as if they're not all there. Like an uncanny valley. They have this dull, blank expression. I guess if they haven't had food or water or much sleep lately…it might be affecting them…"

"Yeah, even Fai Dan and his security jerk were…off. They constantly gave me the run around, and they were pretty angry at me for some reason. Lots of damn suspicious looks around here. We're not wanted, and we should find out why. Especially since we could be the only hope they have not dying to the geth, or starving to death."

Wrex scoffed at Shepard's remark, drawing both of their attention to him. "Got something to add, Wrex?" the woman asked tiredly. To be truthful, Kaidan wasn't sure that Shepard was looking much better than the colonists. He was pretty sure she hadn't slept in days, and it was showing.

"The air is stale here, Shepard. Even Tuchanka smells more alive than this." Wrex grumbled, leaning close to the commander. "This place is wrong. We should burn it to the ground."

"That's a bit much, Wrex." Kaidan stated, surprised and unimpressed at the krogan's flair for the dramatic. "These people are just on edge. Here I thought I was being paranoid."

Kaidan quickly found himself inches from the krogan, as Wrex glared down at him. "You have barely lived a tiny fraction of my life, whelp." The krogan growled. "You didn't watch them bring their dead into that oversized coffin there." He finished, pointing to the sturdiest looking prefab.

"So maybe they're preparing them for burial." Kaidan noted, rolling his eyes at the krogan. He knew it was a bad idea as soon as he did so, but surprisingly Wrex turned to face Shepard instead.

"Shepard, are all humans so stupid to store their dead where they sleep? Where…" Wrex's voice trailed off for a few seconds as he slowly paced over to the commander. "Where are the children?"

Wrex's words froze Kaidan momentarily, as he went through his memories of the colonists. All adult age, most at least in their upper twenties, if not their thirties or forties. _If they're in danger from the geth, wouldn't they be trying to get any vulnerable colonists to the Normandy for safety? I…I mean, it's possible that none had kids, but if there's twenty-something now and it looks like their used to be more…you'd think there would at least be one or two._

"I did tell them if they had anyone they needed to be kept safe, that they could be escorted to the ship for a bit, but…and this colony used to house close to ninety people, Fai Dan told me." Shepard said, her mouth quirking off to one side. "Something's just not all that right here. Not sure what it is, and frankly…I don't really care. We're here to get stuff done, and we'll do that."

"So…what exactly do we need to do?" Kaidan asked, thankful they had some direction to go off, even if Shepard was being vague.

She brought her hand up to her earpiece in response. "Joker, I need you to send Chakwas down here for a quick supply run. Have her and some of the crew bring down water and some nutrient pastes for the colonists. The way should be clear, but I'll be sending Lieutenant Alenko to escort you anyway, just in case." The commander spoke, turning to him as she brought her hand back down. "Kaidan, you're going to be leading this part of the mission from the camp. You keep it safe and hold your ground. If you start to get overrun by any geth, and either cannot contact my group or my group is too far out to help, you get back to the ship, understand?"

Kaidan gave a quick nod, a little disgruntled that he'd be given a watchdog task, but at least he'd be keeping busy. "I can try and help fix some of this equipment up too. Maybe boost their spirits." He added.

Shepard shrugged and looked off to the colony again. "Look, Kaidan, I'm going to have you, Liara and Murakami stationed here. That should be plenty. If you want to help the colonists immediately with any local issues they have, then that's your call and I'll respect that. I certainly don't like seeing them like this." She stated, an uncertain pause filling the air for a few seconds. "But while the colonists are busy eating and drinking, I want you and Murakami to find and hide their weapons, if you can. They don't have many, but I have a bad feeling that there's a reason we're not wanted here, and their loyalty might be a little too tight with Exogeni to be sure of their support. You can help them, but if you do, you do it as a three person team. No one left alone with these people, I don't want anyone taking risks."

Kaidan understood her suspicion, even if he thought she was being a little paranoid like Wrex. _Still, she didn't get this far by not having a plan…I guess it makes sense, and really, if nothing goes wrong then no harm, no foul._ He mused, nodding his head.

"So you're taking the rest of them…where?" he asked, curious. "I mean…"

"Fuck, sorry. My head's just not all there right now. This whole colony's got me into a bit of a twist. The rest of us are heading out to Exogeni's HQ, the majority of the geth have come from that direction, and it was apparently where the geth attacked initially. It's our only lead, but if Saren's interested in whatever's over there, so am I." Shepard apologized, shaking her head slightly at the end. "Go grab Liara and Murakami and head back to the ship. Chakwas is waiting."

He watched Shepard lug Wrex toward the colony and lead on through toward where he saw Ashley sitting. Well, it could be worse. _I could be stuck babysitting Wrex…_

* * *

There didn't seem to be an end to the swarms of geth. It had been a long, hard-fought battle to get near the Exogeni complex, but Ashley's hopes that they'd face less opposition once inside were dashed; the carnage outside was seeming more like an appetizer as the minutes ticked by. Truthfully, she wasn't at all sure why the geth had invaded; the building had a lot of terminals, and that was about it. Even the employee they had run into earlier couldn't give a straight answer, which was even more frustrating. _If we're in here fighting for nothing…_

Ashley slid her head out of cover as the gunfire stopped, noticing Shepard standing over the smoking wreckage of a geth, still switching from the damage.

"Aww, this one's hydraulics are moving. Must be having a nightmare…bless its processing unit." The woman noted playfully, earning a giggle from the quarian beside her. "Come on. Stairwell ahead, may as well try our luck up there."

The five of them slowly moved into the stairwell and up a few floors before the commander called them to halt, a rumbling voice above them the culprit for the delay. Shepard pointed to Wrex and signaled him to fall in beside her, and then for the rest to follow suit. As they crept up to the next floor, a krogan became visible and more audible, grumbling and cursing at a VI.

"Stupid machine! Access the encrypted files!" the krogan growled, followed by a loud thud. "No I don't want to review protocol!"

Ashley watched as Shepard and Wrex quietly walked up behind the krogan, guns drawn.

"I am unable to comply, please contact your supervisor." The VI stated politely, the holo offering a small smile which seemed to further incense the silver-armored brute.

"Damn it! Tell me what I want or I'll blast your virtual ass into actual dust!" the krogan yelled, practically roaring. Ashley wanted to laugh at his misfortune, though she couldn't help but have some sympathy. She was comfortable with some bits of technology, the things that made life easier, but sometimes it seemed like there was just too much, especially when Vis were involved.

"Please contact your supervisor for a level four security exemption. Or make an appointment with…" The VI began before the krogan's fist smashed into the wall beside it.

"Stupid machine!" the krogan growled in frustration, and Ashley was sure she could hear Tali snickering behind her.

The VI was entirely unshaken and continued its cheerful, polite banter. "If there is nothing else, please step aside. There is a queue forming behind you for the use of this console."

 _And this is why I hate Vis…if I could take them and politicians and just leave them all on some deserted island somewhere, the galaxy would be a better place…_ she thought as the krogan angrily turned to face them.

"I got this, Shepard." Wrex said, a smile audible in his voice as he rushed out to meet the fellow krogan in the small hallway bridging their positions. Over the course of the mission Wrex had proven to be very durable and, at least to Ashley, ludicrously aggressive, but she couldn't fault his ability. She worked her way up to the top of the stairs alongside Shepard and watched as Wrex continued to pummel the other krogan into the ground with his biotics and the sharp end of his enormous shotgun.

"And…you're going to spar with him?" Ashley whispered to the woman beside her, who kept her eyes firmly on the battle, if one could call it that, that was happening in front of her.

"Yeah. I'm sure he's got some tricks up his sleeve. Would be good to learn from someone with a few centuries experience on me." She noted quietly, smirking momentarily. "Not that I'd tell him that to his face, especially when he's out there trying to prove he's as tough as I know he is."

Shepard gestured for her and the rest to follow past Wrex, who was standing over his downed, conquered prey, and over to the terminal on the far side of the room. Ashley walked past the mutilated corpse and stifled a gag at the sheer amount of blood. _That's kind of unnecessary…_

"Too bad he wasn't up for a fight, Wrex." Shepard remarked as she approached the VI. "Must be frustrating."

The only response Wrex gave was a low grumble and the sound of the krogan corpse being kicked down the hall.

"Exogeni Corporation reminds all staff that the discharging of weapons while on company property is strictly forbidden." The VI spoke in a chiding manner, drawing a chuckle from Garrus beside her. "Welcome back, research assistant Elizabeth Baynham. What can I do for you?"

Well, at least that skittish girl from before can maybe be helpful now. _Good thing Garrus asked for her ID, or we'd be locked out like that krogan was._ She thought, hoping the VI could spare some well-needed answers.

"What was the last user trying to get access to?" Shepard asked the VI, motioning for Garrus and Wrex to keep an eye on their surroundings in case of an attack. Ashley kept her gun active and ready just in case; she knew firsthand that the geth were quiet enough to get the jump on them if they weren't paying full attention and prepared.

"Fetching data…the previous user was attempting to access details on the study of subject species 37, the Thorian." The VI answered politely.

"The thorian? Why don't you tell me everything you have on file." Shepard responded, the species unfamiliar to her as it was to Ashley. _They're doing testing on animals here? Saren's interested in animals?_

"I may be unable to provide you with any relevant data. There have been no new data available on species 37. All sensors monitoring the observation post at Zhu's Hope have been inactive for several cycles." The VI answered nonchalantly, but the mention of the human colony had caught more than just Shepard's attention.

 _Zhu's Hope is the only colony left standing…those others we found on the way here were pretty much just hiding in the rubble of another small settlement. So Saren comes in and tries to destroy this research? Is that why that Exogeni guy from before was all nervous and on edge? And what does Zhu's Hope have to do with anything? Are they keeping Thorians as pets?_ Ashley wondered, her mind racing at the possibilities. She needed more answers.

"Why was Zhu's Hope being monitored?" Shepard asked, her voice a little harder, a little quieter. She hadn't known the commander for all that long but the woman was fairly transparent at times. One of those few times was when her crew could possibly be in danger. Her eyes would harden, and she'd clench and unclench her fists repeatedly. _Not that she's alone in worrying…I hope Kaidan and everyone are alright over there. Last thing they need to deal with are wild, maybe starving, animals._

"Species 37 was discovered weeks ago within the substructure of the Zhu's Hope outpost. It is a simple plant life-form that exhibits a sentient behavior uncommon with other flora. Through dispersion and the eventual inhalation of spores, it can affect and control other organisms." The VI stated. Ashley found its placid tone unnerving, considering the content is was spouting. _Mind control? What?_ "The Zhu's Hope control group has yielded interesting results. Within twenty one days, 58% of the control group were infected and exhibited altered behavior. Before sensors went offline, at the twenty eighth day, almost 85% of all test subjects were infected."

 _They're…testing on humans?! Who in their….why?_ Ashley's thoughts fractured at the mere idea of live human testing, especially with something that might be able to take over their minds. _God, this is like a bad horror vid come to life…Oh God._

"Exogeni knew the colonists would get infected. They…they took these people who just wanted to build a new life and they trapped them in an experiment. Am I understanding you right?" Shepard grit out each word, each syllable stirring up more anger. The commander's eyes were on fire.

"It was deemed necessary to avoid consent and standard ethics procedures, in order to assess the true potential of species 37. It naturally releases spores as an act of survival rather than predation. It does trigger advanced behavior in the humans it enslaves, but we are unable to discern whether it can recognize humans as more than tools." The VI answered simply, the smile still on the holo's face. Ashley wanted to destroy the VI. _No human would smile over this…_ "The most recent finding was that subjects' wills are subverted through administration of intense pain when directives are ignored. This has proven to quickly condition the subjects so that potentially, even minor thoughts of rebellion would be avoided. As the thorian seems to view its subjects in a utilitarian manner, care is taken to avoid injuring them. However, there were recent observations showing degrees of what seemed to be decay. Further study was prioritized, but sensors went offline shortly afterward."

"That's why everyone was acting weird." Tali piped up. "Their…their body language was really stiff and their faces weren't like other humans I've seen."

The colonists had certainly been strange, Ashey recalled. They wouldn't stop staring blankly at her as she'd moved around camp, especially when she'd gone near their intact prefabs. _If they might be hostile…_

"Shepard, we should contact Joker as soon as possible. Give the rest of them a heads up just in case." Ashley added quickly, earning a stiff nod from the commander.

"The field's been blocking long range comms since we've gotten in the building. We're going to need to shut it down to get a message out." Tali said with regret. "We'll need to find a way to get that geth ship off the tower for that to happen, first."

"The geth have effectively blocked all sensors within the facility." The VI piped in, drawing the ire of the soldier. _Last thing we need today is more bad news…_ "I have registered a number of power fluctuations, but I am unable to determine the source."

"Damn it. Tali, I want you to scour the layout of this building for anything we could take advantage of. Anything. Garrus, I want you to take a look too, maybe you can help." Shepard grunted, shaking her head. "VI, what can you tell me about Exogeni?"

"Exogeni Corporation is at the forefront of human expansion in the new galactic economy, funding colonial development and securing resource rights to ensure our progress as a species." The VI answered. Ashley wasn't sure why this was more important than shutting the shield down, but she knew Shepard must have caught onto something.

"Who's in charge of this facility?" Shepard asked impatiently.

"All decisions about local resource analysis and acquisition are determined by on-site management personnel. They defer to the board of directors only when seasonal quotas are missed or exceeded. Individual…" The VI stated before the commander cut it off.

"And who are the board of directors?" She asked breathlessly.

The VI paused for a moment, as if thinking. "Insufficient security clearance. This request will be logged in your personal files, and an Exogeni supervisor will be in contact shortly."

Shepard spun away from the VI and pulled her shotgun from her holster. "You have anything Tali?"

"The…ship's literally holding onto the building. If we could find a way to detach its…arms…maybe it could just fall away? That's all I can think of, Shepard." The quarian answered quietly.

"That's better than nothing, Tali." The commander responded with a strained smile. "Alright, I'm going to need you and Garrus to help lead us to any potential weak point, and once that shield is down we split into two groups. One tears a hole through whatever geth are left here en route to outside. We need to let the rest of the crew know what's going on. The other group searches for a goddamn mainframe and mines it for all it has. I want to know what the hell's going on here, and I need proof before I go on a witch hunt."

Garrus stepped forward a bit, pulling out his own assault rifle and handling it casually. "Shepard, there's an area on a lower level that has two of those arms in the same room. If we want to do damage, it could be our best option, but…there's probably going to be a lot of geth there waiting for us."

"Excellent. After what I heard from that VI, I'm ready to cause some god damn destruction." She growled, motioning for Garrus to fall in beside her. "Pass me the map, I have a feeling were going to need you to cover our asses once we make contact."

The turian nodded and quickly, the commander's omni beeped, bringing Garrus to slide to the back of the pack again beside Tali, Ashley covering Shepard's flank as the team pushed through the complex and navigated toward their destination.

* * *

The colonists were afraid. Or, at least, that's what Doctor Chakwas felt as she pushed a small hover pallet along with the supplies she'd brought. None had accepted anything she and the others had offered, aside from the food and water, despite them all looking sickly and in need of a check-up. Far too many winced when she approached, and there were far too many blank stares and monosyllabic responses afterward. Sometimes they would actually leave what they were doing when she'd pester them, which was something she was used to on the ship, but not from wounded, ill, half-starved colonists. It all gave her a feeling of unease, and of regret. She wanted to do something, but she was in no position to demand anyone's cooperation. _At least they took the food and water…for whatever that's worth…_ she mused, sighing over the resistance she'd faced.

"Doctor Chakwas!" a familiar voice called out from behind her. She didn't need to turn around to know the asari scientist was behind her, and she gave Liara a smile as she strode up alongside her. "How are the colonists?"

Chakwas shook her head and frowned, wishing she could have done more. "Not well, I'm afraid. The food and water may help them yet, but there is certainly something else ailing them."

She almost laughed at the immediate serious look on the prothean expert's face. Liara had been sterner with the colonists during her visit, and her inquisitive, prying personality had all but scared off the colonists to the prefab eventually. She couldn't help but feel she could hire her to shake crewmembers down for medical checkups, if it wouldn't potentially put Liara in a compromising position. The crew still harbored ill will toward her to some degree, and she'd heard more than a few remarks already about Liara's alleged promiscuity. _Not that I believe such a tale…just silly rumours, but not ones I would want to subject her to…_

"That is…unfortunate. Not even one would allow themselves to be examined?" Liara asked, in disbelief.

"Not a one, my dear. At least we'll be able to keep these supplies for another day, but I fear their health is deteriorating." Chakwas answered. "Anyway, was there something you needed from me?"

She halted her journey back to the ship momentarily, seeing the asari's anxiety flare up. Chakwas hoped it wouldn't be anything serious, or that she'd caught something already while on the planet. _She's an asari, so her immune system and cell regeneration are generally not much of an issue. Could she have an allergy, or perhaps she had cut herself on something foreign, or…_

"I have been having these…sensations in my chest. I am…not sure why." Liara said, meekly glancing at her. Chakwas immediately grabbed her biometrics scanner and started it up.

"When did you start feeling these? Are they painful? What kind of pain, is it sharp? Do you have trouble breathing?" she asked, each question flowing one after the other. The last thing she wanted was for an asari to have a heart-attack on her watch. While she was well versed in asari biology, she was no expert and had never done significant surgery on major organs, and was hoping she could avoid that at all costs.

"Sometimes it hurts, but sometimes I just feel strange. If it does hurt, it's a deep ache, and…I do not recall if I had trouble breathing. I do not think so." Liara rambled, worry written across her face. "I started getting them…the day Shepard, Tali and I visited the Citadel."

Chakwas breathed a sigh of relief and cross off most known serious ailments off her mental list. "When would you feel these sensations? Stressful events?"

"Not always, no. They seem to happen randomly. Sometimes it happens when I'm simply engaging in conversation, and sometimes it's more specific. It happened when I was taunted by some humans after dinner with Shepard, but I have been in stressful conditions in the past without experiencing this. It happened when I heard her and Tevos arguing, and I felt helpless, but again, I have never felt these sensations in similar events in the past. I also felt them when I finished my biotic testing yesterday…among a few other times, but I have had to ward off local wildlife and mercenaries before and it has never had such an effect on me." Liara explained, her eyes seeming to will an answer to her problems from Chakwas, who leaned up against a nearby wall offered her best thinking pose to the asari, to hopefully quell any doubts that she'd receive help.

In truth, Chakwas had little immediate idea of what was causing Liara's mystery symptom. _Well, they're a recent development, so it's possible that she has, somewhere along the lines, grown ill…however, when I brought her in after Therum, she was right as rain, just needing fluids, food and rest. She's been eating the same food as the rest of the crew, and I know for certain it's safe. She has rarely gone off the ship, and when she has it's been with Shepard and Tali, and…_ Chakwas's thoughts came to a halt as an inkling of an idea formed in her head. _And these sensations seem to trigger when Shepard is around. After a dinner they apparently had, and during a visit to the councilor that they both made, during the training Shepard set up for her…_

"And when you feel these when you're talking to others…who are you talking with?" Chakwas asked politely, feeling she may be onto something.

"Is that important? I…I have not put much thought into that. Do humans or quarians produce pheromones that affect different species negatively? No…no that would not make sense, Tali is in an enviro-suit, and I am certain would not be able to alter her environment…" Liara rambled, before Chakwas decided to have mercy on the bumbling scientist and took hold of her shoulder to still her.

"Liara, no, humans do not produce such things. Not in any way that would affect you, at least." She answered, unable to restrain a chuckle, which earned a sad frown from the asari. "I promise you, there is not likely to be anything serious that is causing this, at least not biologically. I will run a scan on you when we all pack up and leave here, but I'm confident that you will be fine."

"I was…hoping you would have an answer. These sensations have left me more than a little perplexed, and my own research has been inconclusive, and…" Liara began, before being cut off again. She knew that it was poor manners to do so, but while she adored the maiden, she knew that she could ramble on for ages. Liara was better off helping watch the colonists than escorting her back to the ship.

"And you want an answer. I promise I shall help you research when this is all over. Perhaps I will enlist Shepard's help in the matter, as well." She interrupted, trying to keep a cheeky grin from spreading across her face.

Liara, for her part, looked both surprised and a tad excited. "Shepard? But…why? Does she have some credentials I have overlooked, or…why?"

"Oh, you know. Her Spectre authority could help give access to restricted medical databases, and she certainly has a desire to make sure her crew members are healthy and happy." Chakwas added, recalling the first time she saw the heartwarming wealth of sheets, blankets and cushions lining the once measly little cot she'd offered Liara. _Perhaps it was just in her nature, but…if there's something else…_

She saw the smile on Liara's face and it confirmed her suspicions. _The scientist has a crush on the soldier…ah, young love. Well, perhaps not young, as she's twice my age, but…still wonderful to see in times such as this where there's so much death and despair._

"Now go on back to the colony, I am sure they could use you more than I could. I'll be fine, and so will you." She said, earning a shy nod from Liara, who turned and walked back to camp.

 _I could have told her…but what fun would there be in that when I could watch it blossom myself?_ She mused, grinning as she pushed the pallet toward the ship.

* * *

"Garrus, what the fuck are you doing back there?!" Tali heard Shepard yell for what might have been the fourth time in their ongoing assault. It hadn't been a fun battle so far, and while her shields had held up, and they'd damaged one of the ship's arms, they were being attacked from two angles; worse, for every geth they killed, two seemed to take its place.

"I'm waiting for my spirits-damned shields to recharge! I'll be back in ten seconds!" the turian yelled out from behind cover as Tali overloaded a duo of geth, which Shepard capitalized on with a swift warp, ripping their platforms into shrapnel.

"If you would have ducked at any point in the past five minutes, you wouldn't be spending all your time waiting, Garrus!" Ashley yelled out, taking point near the turian, whose cover was deteriorating quickly. Despite Shepard and Wrex being the primary distraction, the geth had been slowly funneling more firepower her and Garrus' way.

Tali slid to the other side of the fallen pillar providing her cover and tossed out a proximity mine in case the geth decided to flank her, then tossed out another overload as an explosion nearby sent her sprawling to her hands and knees.

"Tali, cover me!" she heard over the comms, and saw Williams dash out of her cover toward the smoking wreckage that was Garrus' cover. Instinctively, she sent Chiktikka out after the rocket-wielding soldier, and leapt over her cover, darting over to where the human soldier had been set up before. Geth fire erupted against her shields as she sent a spray of shotgun-delivered fury into the encroaching geth, just making it to cover as her shields collapsed. _Keelah! That was too close!_ She thought to herself, as she watched Williams haul Garrus into cover with one hand while firing her rifle with the other aimlessly.

Not taking the time to ponder the severity of her teammate's injury, Tali grabbed her two remaining mines and set their timers, tossing them onto the upper level cover some of the geth had been using against them. _Whatever you can do, I can do better, geth bosh'tets!_ She muttered, as explosions rocked the room, sending the upper walkway crashing down onto a large, entrenched group of geth. She signaled Chiktikka to finish that group off as Wrex and Shepard quickly adapted, pushing the geth forces back for the first time in minutes.

"Come on you turian asshole!" Ashley called out as she lumbered past Tali, still supporting Garrus' weight as she pushed further into the depths of the room. Tali fell in beside them and kept an eye out for a good place to set up. "I swear, you're such an idiot! What were you thinking?"

"Turians don't duck, Williams." Garrus grunted out. "Not in our vocabulary."

"Then read a dictionary!" the marine yelled back. Tali found the whole situation kind of amusing, even if Garrus was bleeding badly from his right arm, and Ashley's armor was riddled with new holes and the odd fresh stream of blood leaking down it. For all of Williams' passively hostile attitude toward her and the other 'aliens' on the Normandy, it didn't seem to be keeping her from helping them, even at her own expense. Even when Garrus was still cracking jokes.

"Can you at least fire your rifle?" she heard the marine ask, taking the turian's gun and propping it up against the fallen walkway they'd hovered towards as cover. Tali decided to buy them time, sending Chiktikka to intercept an oncoming group of geth, firing two rounds of her shotgun at the approaching mob.

"Of course I can shoot, it's just going to take longer." The turian griped, his voice straining as he took hold of his rifle. Out of the corner of her eye, she could tell Garrus was in pain, and he'd be of little help going forward. His rifle was shaking ever so slightly, but from a range, it would keep his accuracy low.

Ashley, for her part, looked entirely unconvinced. "Well… don't kill yourself. Use your overload protocol more. I'm gonna leave you back here and give you two some room to breathe." Williams said quickly, waiting for another burst of Tali's shotgun to before she propelled herself over the cover and further into the room.

Tali decided to change tactics as she watched Willaims join with Shepard and Wrex in dispatching the remaining geth, having Chiktikka focus instead on damaging the supports keeping the remaining arm firmly locked into the building. As it meticulously worked away at its task, she used her overload alongside Garrus to weaken the front geth ranks as they continued to pour in.

It was almost a shock when they simply stopped. She'd had her omni-tool ready and waiting for the next to arrive through one of the doorways, or down a nearby staircase, but for a long twenty seconds, there were no advancing geth.

"Tali, what's the situation with the last arm?" Shepard called out from across the room, thankfully looking no worse for wear. She looked over at her drone's work and surveyed the damage it had caused. She had figured that damaging the arm itself would be difficult, but damaging the structure it was latched onto would be rather simple, so Chiktikka had been weakening its grasp.

"Well, it…it is still holding on, but maybe a grenade or a strong explosion could unmoor it." Tali answered over the comms, not feeling like yelling at all.

"Sounds good, Tali." The commander answered happily, as she watched the woman give a strange gesture to Wrex, prompting them both into a light shoving match. "I got this, Wrex! Calm down!"

"Use your grenades, Shepard." Wrex growled out, his voice rumbling through the room.

"Grenades are limited, Wrex. I have three energy bars left to keep my biotics going strong. Leave this to me." Shepard insisted, walking closer to the arm and widening her stance slightly, a growing blue sphere forming at the edge of her fingertips. Tali watched the woman take a long deep breath and hold it for a number of seconds, her biotic s flaring up across her body occasionally, before she swiftly flung her arm outward, sending the large warp attack screaming toward the wall that the arm had latched onto.

Tali ducked into cover and felt the explosion more than she heard it, as the arm violently came loose from the demolished structure, splitting the foundation of the floor as it crashed onto the ground and slowly but surely skidded outward. She dared a peek over her safe barrier of cover and witnessed the geth ship comically fall off the wall of the tower, hopefully plummeting to the ground in mere moments.

She breathed a sigh of relief, hearing Shepard off in the distance having a conversation over her comms. She could only imagine they were able to get a hold of the Normandy and while the tone of the discussion was more than a little tense, she was glad that the ship was safe for now. _If anyone harms the ship…_ her thoughts ended at that, unwilling to consider what she'd do in response. There was still so much she could learn from it, and she didn't want to imagine what she would do to keep that opportunity.

Tali took a good look of the room around her for the first time, taking in details of all the machinery, the layout. It was familiar, yet different, than a similar setup on the migrant fleet that she'd had the honour to access a handful of times, but the purpose was similar. _This is a server room. All the downed machinery…all of the same build, scarce user interfaces…definitely a server room._

She got to her feet and scampered over to the far end of the room where a large terminal was mostly intact, outside of some damage to the holo, which constantly flickered in and out. She opened her omni-tool and quickly linked into the mainframe, copying all accessible files and decrypting anything restricted. Occasionally she'd look back and see Shepard administering some first aid to Garrus, checking on Ashley's armor, or chewing away on her energy bar. Tali could tell Shepard wanted to get back as soon as possible by how she was pacing back and forth at a furious rate, but data decryption wasn't always a quick task.

A few minutes later, her omni-tool beeped as it registered all recoverable files had been transferred. She hoped it would be enough, and turned toward the rest of the group.

"I took all that I could, Shepard. A lot of it was damaged." Tali said, feeling bad that maybe they wouldn't have anything useful on their hands after all this. "How's the situation back at the colony?"

"Gone to shit. Apparently the geth are making a bit of a push, but there's not many left. The colonists all went inside their prefabs and locked Kaidan's team out, so…we need to get back there and see what's going on." Shepard stated, finishing her energy bar. "Let's grab that Exogeni scientist and move out. We have a lot left to learn today."

Of that, Tali was sure. She just hoped it wouldn't necessarily get any worse.


	19. Maggot Brain

Liara looked down at the man on the sewer walkway in horror as he writhed and laughed and screamed; he'd been giddy, if entirely unstable, when they had happened upon him, and nothing that he had said had made any sense to her. She couldn't help but wonder if the lack of water and food had made him delirious, if he was descending into madness. _Yet, he is entirely different than the rest in the colony, so…I am not sure what to make of him…_ she wondered as the man rolled onto his stomach, spurts of laughter still erupting from him, often followed by the occasional blood-curdling scream.

She couldn't help but feel it put a damper on their successes. They'd re-activated the water supply from the prothean-built aqueducts, and because of an earlier quick-fix by one of the Normandy engineers on the filtration unit, the colony would be supplied with running water indefinitely. Kaidan had managed to salvage on old power coupling from a broken down land rover, to provide help for an ailing generator at the colony, while she and Murakami had fended off a number of large varren; also securing their hunting grounds from a larger, disease ridden varren that had been infecting the other smaller ones in the pack. Finally, they had damaged a geth transponder and demolished access to the old landing site, to prevent geth from sneaking in on the colony from a different direction. Even with all that in mind, the man on the ground had her wondering how the colony was truly being affected by these issues, what the root cause of them was, and whether they had been exiling others for some reason.

"I don't think there's much we can do for him, and we've spent a lot of time here. We should get back to the colony." Murakami urged, drawing a nod from their team leader. Liara checked the chrono on her omni-tool, noticing they had been away for nearly an hour. _So much accomplished in such a small period of time…I am glad lieutenant Alenko was assigned to guard the colony instead of gunnery chief Williams or…or Wrex. I fear they would not have remained as level headed…_

As they reached the elevator to take the short trip back to the outskirts of the colony, Liara noticed Kaidan tense up, bringing his hand to his ear.

"How many geth?" she heard Kaidan ask hastily, slowly nodding seconds later. "Alright, thanks for the heads up Joker. We're a few seconds out."

"I'll guess that we've got a welcome party back at the colony?" Murakami asked, prepping his assault rifle with disruptor rounds.

"A small geth dropship headed our way. Nothing else inbound, so just keep your eyes open, and be ready as soon as we step out of this elevator." Kaidan asserted to the marine, before turning to Liara. "And I'm going to need you to keep a barrier up to stop any assault on us until we gain cover."

"Of course." She said quickly, nodding her head in agreement. Her part on Feros had provided little greater challenge than some of her more dangerous dig site run-ins, but she was pleased knowing that she didn't have to rely solely on herself at all. _Though it would have been nice to be able to venture off to one of the nearby prothean ruins…I know this world has been mined for everything, but investigating a prothean city, or what's left of one, would be a nice break from all of this._

The trio rushed out of the elevator as it came to a halt, careening around the corner and down the stairwell toward the entrance to the colony. Liara's pace slowed as the other two rushed to the prefabs. The colony was silent, eerily still. She had expected to see them outside working on the infrastructure like they had been, or at least one person keeping watch, but the entire place seemed deserted.

"Doors are locked." Kaidan said, sounding baffled, as he moved to the second prefab and got the same result.

"Think they know the geth are on their way?" Murakami asked, turning to take a wider look at the colony.

"Not likely, their comm systems have been down for over a month, by the last log I was able to pull. Whatever they're doing in there, they want to be alone. Could just be a community meeting." Alenko said, though even he didn't seem convinced by his own words. Liara certainly wasn't.

Kaidan tapped away at his omni, then brought his hand to his ear. "Shepard?...Yes…we're good, Commander, but we've got geth incoming and the colonists are all hiding in their prefabs." Kaidan stated calmly. "No, they locked us out…we're going to try and get in later, but just wanted to let you know what's going on. …Yes, we can hold the colony, it's just a small dropship….We'll keep an eye out for them, thanks for the heads up. Good luck, Commander."

"Well? What'd she say?" she heard Murakami ask as her eyes were drawn to the horizon, where a number of geth ships were ascending out of the atmosphere.

Suddenly, a geth plasma round blasted by Murakami, prompting them to dive into cover behind a storage crate. The marine peeked his head up momentarily and ducked to avoid more incoming fire as the quiet mechanical march of geth became audible against the dry, rocky ground.

"Got a prime and eight normals. Moving into cover near the crane…bastards are milling away at the two prefabs." The soldier muttered over the constant patter of fire on their cover. "What's the plan, LT?"

"We need a better angle than this. You and Liara stay here. I'll…" Kaidan began, before a large explosion against one of the prefabs silenced his speech momentarily. "I'll sneak around the two prefabs and we can hit them from both sides. Target the prime, it's likely got the rockets."

Kaidan quickly spun out of cover and darted out of sight behind one of the buildings, seemingly studier than she would have thought. She gave a nod to the human beside her and tossed up a barrier in front of him, letting him issue a torrent of firepower toward the geth, picking apart their cover and two of their soldiers as the geth continued to focus their fire on the buildings. She couldn't help but find it curious as another rocket impacted on the same prefab, causing the groaning of steel to fill the air. The building wouldn't last much longer, she knew, and had to wonder what the method to the madness was. _Surely they could try to fend us off first, then go back to attacking the colonists._

She felt Murakami take her hand as his other grabbed a string of grenades; she only saw his smile for a moment before he pulled her across the colony, dodging the odd attacks from the geth, some hitting Liara's hastily raised barrier, until they nestled in directly beside the geth, behind a large, damaged hover pallet. Liara could see Kaidan from their vantage point, invoking a lift underneath a duo of geth, sending them flailing aimlessly into the air, letting him pepper them with his pistol rounds freely as the rest of the geth continued to focus on the quickly deteriorating prefab.

Liara tossed a singularity into three more of the geth, Murakami sparing no time in following her attack up and tearing into the helpless geth. The huge red geth prime fired another blast into the building, cracking it open slightly, as Kaidan finished off the last regular geth soldier, leaving the prime isolated.

Just as her soldier partner's weapon gave the signal it had cooled off, she saw the prime move toward the building in quick strides. She barely had time to ready a warp before a massive eruption tore through the area, tossing the three onto the ground from the sheer force of it. Liara dragged herself up to her feet using the cover and saw the targeted prefab torn open violently, and a large black mark on the ground where the prime once was. _It self-destructed?_

"Shit!" she heard the soldier yell, as he leapt out of cover and bolted toward the prefab. "I'm going to check on the colonists!"

Liara looked over to Kaidan, who looked dazed as he got to his feet. He'd been much closer to the blast and made no effort responding to Murakami as the soldier ran past him and sidled up against one of the intact portions of the building's wall. Liara wasn't sure of what to do; she had no military training or ideas about the protocols the marines followed so she simply made her way over to the lieutenant, and gave him a look over.

"Lieutenant, are you alright?" Liara asked, noticing a number of small, bleeding wounds on the man. She was relieved that his eyes quickly focused on her, letting her know he wasn't concussed, at least badly.

"Fine, Liara. Where's Murakami?" Kaidan asked, holding his head.

"He went to see about the colonists." Liara said, happy that the geth threat was over with. _The colonists will surely be given time to recover after this. I hope no one got hurt in the explosion…_

"No…" The word slipped out of Kaidan's lips just as the sound of Murakami's assault rifle echoed out of the damaged building, a sharp, otherworldly wail quickly following it. She felt her legs move before her mind was able to catch up, running alongside Alenko toward the prefab, the missing marine's scream only spurring them forward. As she neared the opening Murakami has disappeared into, a cry caught in her throat.

* * *

Shepard knew she was driving too fast, by the panicked screams of the young exogeni researcher. More than that, she hadn't eased up on the throttle, blowing through the smaller armatures and geth rocket troops, and knew she was being more reckless than normal, though the rest of her crew didn't seem fazed. _They know I need to get back fast…they know I wouldn't be driving like this if I couldn't handle it…at least…I hope they know that…_

The Mako powerslid into the gateway to the other ruined colony and darted up the ramp, skidding to a halt beside the makeshift entrance. She hoped they would be able to get in and out, and back to Zhu's Hope as soon as possible. A nagging thought in the back of her mind told her to just leave and return later, but she needed more intel, if it was available. She didn't want to step into another Eden Prime or Edolus.

Shepard popped out of her favourite vehicle right after Lisbeth, and quickly took point, holding the scientist back slightly in case of any trouble. She could hear shouting from down the hall and felt her heart sink at the thought that this could be a longer delay than she'd hoped.

"You can't do this, Jeong!" she heard yelled out from the small meeting area; a number of terminals set up on shoddy, broken furniture and everyone else standing around them looking tense.

"Everyone shut up, let me think!" Jeong's panicked voice rang through the ruined settlement. It was obvious tensions were running high, and there might need to be some diplomacy. _But diplomacy's slow…Christ, I need to get back to my team, make sure the rest are safe. I don't have time for this…_

Shepard heard Lisbeth ask her something, but she was too focused on the scene unraveling in front of her, the researcher's mother coming into view, flanked by two Exogeni guards who were keeping a close eye on her.

"You won't get away with this." Lisbeth's mother practically growled, stalking the Exogeni rep. Jeong just waved his hand dismissively as he continued to pace wildly.

"Get her out of here!" he yelled, causing the two guards to apprehend the older woman; the chain reaction continuing as Lisbeth blew out from behind her, charging with her pistol toward the Exogeni holding her mother. _Fuck…where's your head at Shep? You should have seen that coming!_

The older Baynham woman broke free of her captors and rushed to her daughter, obviously thankful she was alive. Shepard couldn't help but feel happy for the two of them that they were able to reunite them, but knew it likely wouldn't aid the overarching situation at the moment. She stood up and walked out of cover, able to see more clearly just how flustered Jeong was getting.

"Damn it! Shepard, I knew it was too much to hope the geth would kill you!" the man raged, halting his pacing momentarily as he gave a wild-eyed look at her. "I found some interesting facts about you in Exogeni's databases. Read all about Torfan, about your illustrious deeds back on Earth…we don't need your psychopathic, murderous tendencies here!"

Shepard felt her eye twitch at the mention of her childhood. _Exogeni has data on that? What the shit?!_ She fumed, marching up to Jeong, leaving a few feet between them. "I don't know what you have planned, but I have a team topside at Zhu's Hope that needs me, so we're going to settle this quickly. Up to you if my 'tendencies' are needed." She spoke, voicing each word as calmly as she could.

"Comms are back up, and Exogeni wants this place purged of all evidence." Jeong said, his voice low, his eyes darting away. _He's not convinced it's the best idea. Play on that._

Lisbeth stepped forward before Shepard's mouth even opened. "We're a human colony, Jeong, you can't re-purpose us." The girl argued, though Shepard felt she was missing the depth of what was likely planned.

"It's not just you, there's something here more valuable than a few colonists!" the Exogeni rep blurted out in exasperation.

"The Thorian's not worth it, Jeong, even if it's a bit…unique. No way you avoid sanctions after what you've done here. After what it's done here." Shepard responded quickly, but calmly. She wasn't sure how far her Spectre authority could stretch, but she knew she wouldn't let Exogeni put any more lives at risk.

Lisbeth's mother was the next to wander forward, confused. "The Thorian?"

Her daughter's body language had shrunk at the mention of it, and she felt that if the girl had a pocket in space-time she could hop into and disappear, she would. "It's a telepathic life-form living under Zhu's Hope." Lisbeth explained, her voice quiet, meek; a drastic change from mere moments before. "It's taking control of the colonists there. Exogeni knew all along."

"Can't just sweep this under the rug, Jeong." Shepard said flatly, earning a skeptical look from the man.

"So people keep telling me, but no one's going to miss a few colonists." He said, a rare cockiness audible in his speech.

Shepard let her biotics flare across her body for a moment, hoping to intimidate the man, to great success. "As a Spectre whose duty is to the galaxy, I'll help colonists over a company mining for new bio-weapons tech that could kill thousands before you see results. Yeah, no… you let these people go, you write them nice fat bonus cheques, and then I take whatever evidence I find, after tearing that Thorian piece of shit from the ground, and I either burn it or bring it to the council."

The man paused for a few agonizing seconds, his indecision visible across his face. "Exogeni will send more assayers, they'll know what happened if I lie. I can't let any colonists be here when they come."

"You can't just kill them! Just…maybe killing the Thorian will be enough to stop their infection, and to save them?" Lisbeth openly wondered, drawing a shrug from Jeong.

"Worth a shot, but if it has control of the colonists, it's going to try and protect itself. Don't know if I can avoid them." Shepard said, feeling a pit in her stomach over what she might have to do to fix the madness they'd stepped into.

"And if that doesn't work?" Jeong asked, practically pleading for another solution.

"Tell them the geth killed the Thorian. Or say I did. I don't care, but I will have someone keeping tabs on these people, and if word gets out that anyone's mistreated, I'll make sure you and everyone responsible for this horror show hurt for this. You know my reputation." Shepard growled, turning away from him. "Now, if you excuse me, I have some lives to save."

She marched quickly up the hall back to the waiting Mako and quickly accelerated out of the tunnels and back out onto the skyway. Shepard cursed herself for taking as long as she did; despite the altercation taking just over five minutes in total, it was five minutes that the colonists might not have, that her team might not have. She'd seen the geth dropship fly away on their way to the ruined settlement, and figured more had landed during her short detour.

"Shepard?!" She heard over her comms, the voice broken up by a spatter of gunfire and a bevy of sounds humans shouldn't be able to make. "We're pinned in a wrecked prefab in the colony! We need assistance!" Alenko yelled out, before a loud grunt sounded over her comms.

"We're about three minutes out, we'll be there soon. What's your status, Lieutenant? How many geth are we looking at?" she asked, trying to keep her voice calm. She could hear someone yelling out wordlessly near Kaidan, and even stranger noises further away.

"No geth, ma'am! Murakami's got acid damage and T'Soni's doing her best to keep them out but there's too many of them!" Alenko yelled out, his words not making immediate sense. She felt a chill run down her spine from all the possibilities, and couldn't restrain her anger over how everything had spiraled out of control so fast.

"What the fuck is going on there, Alenko?!" She yelled out over comms, Ashley looking nervously at her from the passenger seat.

"Geth blew a hole in one of the prefabs! Murakami went to check it out and got ambushed by the colonists…at least I think they're the colonists!" Kaidan yelled out, pistol fire erupting over her feed. "Got a few dozen here trying to claw at us, shoot acid at us! We'll need-" A loud crackle of static exploded over her comms, forcing her to mute her connection from the volume. _Shit… acid? What the fuck were the colonists storing in those things?_

She ground the Mako to a halt as it neared the colony's garage doors, and motioned for everyone to evacuate the vehicle, the door needing manual entry. As she and the rest approached the smaller personnel entrance, a tall, pallid figure stumbled out of it, and lumbered toward them. For a split second she thought she recognized the figure as one of the colonists that had been repairing their main prefab, but this person was naked, had a sickly green tint to their skin, its veins dark across its body. Her eyes only needed to wander down to its sharp, bony stems where fingers were supposed to be to know it was a danger. Instantaneously, her hand shot back, grabbed her pistol, and leveled it toward the shambling figure, emptying three rounds into its skull, exploding the thing into a mixture of greenish goop and skeleton.

Shepard stepped closer, shaking her head at the thing, keeping an eye out for the door it came from. _What the fuck are you? Are you a colonist? Or…what the fuck happened to you? Christ!_

"What do we do from here, Shepard?" she heard Williams ask from behind her. She knew she'd have to give an order, and in most situations, she felt she would take the easy route. The best chance of survival, the best chance of getting her team safe. She knew what they expected her to say. She expected it from herself, but the words wouldn't come. She shook her head in misery of what she felt was the right thing to do, and hoped it wouldn't end up killing those she swore to protect.

"Melee and light biotics only, unless your life is threatened. They're armed with acid, and they're going to want to get in close range. Incapacitate them any way you can. Keep casualties to a minimum." She spoke, the weight of her words feeling heavy on her shoulders. "Let's get it done."

* * *

Ashley felt a pained scream erupt from her throat as one of the colonists' hands cut through the softer material in between her armor's neck and shoulder's plates. Her finger hovered quickly toward the trigger, but instead awkwardly grabbed hold of the base of her rifle as she swung it viciously at the offending colonist, her leg kicking out at another pushing toward her.

It had been madness when they had arrived; there were at least five dozen of the colonists concentrated near one of the burned down prefabs, and only after a number of moments did she realize there were two different types. The colonists, the 'real' ones as she thought of them, were pretty much human, though still quite greenish and sick-looking, and much stronger than the others. Those were like the one she'd seen Shepard dispatch outside of the garage, but while they were more fragile, they had longer, sharper claws, and they spit out acid. Neither was fun to deal with, especially since they both looked almost identical if you didn't have time for the minor details. _Lucky I'm wearing some pretty heavy armor, or one of those things could have melted me pretty easily._

Her muscles were tiring from all the close quarters fighting; she hadn't had such a physical workout since boot camp, and wondered how close they were to finishing. It seemed when they began to whittle their numbers away, more would appear out of nowhere, usually the more dangerous ones, and they'd be back against the wall again.

A blue burst to her right caught her attention, Shepard bowling into a half dozen of the colonists, five of them exploding into goop while the other tumbled backward, out cold. Ashley swung the butt of her rifle out, catching one of their attackers in the jaw, exploding its head; through the grime, she saw Shepard turn and caught a look of remorse across the woman's face as she flung a high kick out at an oncoming colonist, exploding its head as a small stream of acid shot out against her shoulder. Ashley watched her simply move onto the next group, mauling her way through a small pack surrounding Tali, who'd been reaching for her shotgun. The woman's hands came out like a fury, blowing through some of them like butter, catching hard against the jaw of a real colonist as she followed it to the ground. She couldn't help but lazily watch as the woman's body mercilessly beat the civilian into unconsciousness, a stray tear streaking down Shepard's face as she got back to her feet.

The fighting didn't last very long. Ashley wasn't sure how many minutes had passed since they had arrived, forgotten in the presence of so many incapacitated colonists and so much green slime. _What the hell happened here?_

She saw Kaidan and Liara out of the corner of her eye, bringing what looked like Murakami toward a nearby hover pallet. As she moved closer, the injuries he'd sustained became clearer. His whole set of armor looked eaten away by the acid, his left leg mangled by the acid, massive lacerations, and what might have been bite marks. Even packed full of medi-gel, he was still bleeding badly. _God…_

"Garrus, Tali…I need you to bring Murakami back to the Normandy. Chakwas will be waiting with her assistants." Shepard ordered, turning to face the rest of them.

"Shepard, I'm not harmed, let me help!" Tali pleaded, bringing the commander's focus back to the quarian.

"Tali, it was enough of a risk having you in this fight with enemies spouting acid. I can't put you at risk anymore, not knowing what we do now. We'll be fine, I promise." Shepard explained softly, turning fully to Tali and moving slowly up to her. She could still see telltale signs of worry on the woman's face, reluctance in bringing her hand to rest on the engineer's shoulder, whose posture loosened at the touch. Shepard's lips moved for a moment, the words inaudible at Ashley's distance from them, but Tali's slow nod and the commander's small, relieved smile were enough confirmation to understand what was said.

Tali moved to catch up with Garrus as Shepard turned back toward the rest of them, her demeanor completely different, back to the steely seriousness she witnessed over at the Exogeni facility. Whatever the Thorian had in store for them, she was sure it wouldn't be enough. _Four biotics, one who regenerates, and we're all pretty healthy. Kaidan's got some acid damage to his armor, but nothing serious, and I've only got a few minor wounds that medi-gel's taking care of. Liara and Shepard are a booster away from being a hundred percent, and Wrex…is always seemingly fine. And…_

"We leave in ten. Kaidan, can you lift up the prefabs with the crane? There's got to be some entrance if the Thorian lives down there." Shepard said coolly. "I want shredder rounds in every gun. Any questions?"

Ashley saw Liara edge toward Shepard and stop, her oddly-marked brow furrowed as she seemed to struggle with words. Shepard, for her part, didn't even seem to notice the asari as she swapped out her ammo upgrades. By the time she pulled out one of her boosters, Liara had slunk away. Ashley hoped the asari would hold up under pressure, and wouldn't be a weak link.

She knew that they couldn't afford any mistakes, couldn't afford to lose any anyone.

* * *

The thorian was something out of a nightmare, looking more like a festering tumour or a grayish, mucous covered heart with octopus tendrils than a plant. And while the thorian was a magnificently disgusting mess, their situation had quickly escalated into a terrible mess in its own right . Shepard had expected some sort of pushback from the plant, but didn't expect so many thralls to be guarding it. There were likely over a hundred, though not all were active at once, something she eyeballed at around twenty. _Must only have so much power over these things…makes it a lot easier to deal with though. Makes sense now that the things came in waves from the prefabs during that fight, and why so many were flat-out like statues until we got close enough_. She thought, as her shotgun tore through another, her eyes quickly refocusing on the thick tendril supporting the massive, oozing, disgusting plant monster. _Christ, Liara would probably love to study it and all the different types of thralls it's got here. Lots that I don't recognize…must be old as hell._

A familiar biotic blast narrowly blew past her, signaling her to yet another advance from the asari thrall. _Well, more like one of the colonists…this one's a bit more unique, a bit tougher…and goddamn comes back to life again and again. Fucking tired of this!_

She spun around and fired two shots at the green asari, who had flitted out of the gun's range already, launching a biotic blast with her feet. Shepard ducked and quickly holstered her shotgun, soon finding the asari on her, throwing her limbs with precision, aided by biotic energy; she was doing her best to hold her own against the powerful attacks, but she couldn't help but feel a bit tired after a previous seven rounds with the replica.

After a number of difficult evasive maneuvers and painful blocks, she saw the asari lead into a kick like she had nearly ten minutes prior, using similar motions and similar patterns of attacks. She narrowly blocked a warp, letting her barriers take some of the heat, and intercepted the asari's leg as it spun toward her. With both her hands gripping the leg, she quickly used her right foot to flick out a lift beneath the asari, letting her violently spin her opponent through the air, propelling her toward the Thorian.

She could feel the sweat dripping down her brow, the nausea building in her throat, and wanted it all over with. She was tired of killing colonists, prisoners, and slaves. She wanted the monster to hurt, but as she'd killed more and more of the thralls, she couldn't help but feel like her reputation had caught up to her. _It needs to end now…_ she thought, grabbing two sticky grenades and tossing them over Wrex's head and at the last remaining tendril.

_Five…_

Shepard's eyes darted around her, noticing a pack of thralls pressuring Liara toward a wall; Ashley and Kaidan too busy dealing with their own masses of thralls, Wrex too busy slaughtering to likely notice. She burst toward her asari crewmate, pulling her shotgun from her backpack holster.

_Four…_

Her weapon fired at will, its shells erupting through the thrall's bodies as a few spewed acid toward Liara. She saw some pass through the asari's fading barriers, impacting on her armor, and tensed her leg muscles accordingly, readying her shotgun for close range impact.

_Three…_

Her body burst through a group of the creatures, the body of the shotgun decapitating a duo near her friend as it flung out of her hands, which hand plans enough of their own. Liara seemed to recover, a singularity forming in her palm. It merely meant a swifter end than could have been done alone.

_Two…_

Shepard's head rocketed forward in a headbutt, exploding an approaching creature's goopy skull as she focused her biotics into her hands and positioned herself in front of Liara. The pack of thralls was growing slightly, but it wouldn't for long, she was certain.

_One…_

Her arms flung out just as the singularity formed within the pack of thralls, channeling warp energy just at the edge of her fingertips, flicking both toward the floating biotic sphere at the last second, sending each hand's focus precisely between creatures to their target.

_Zero!_

Two explosions rocked the area as a horrific screeching echoed through the cavernous home of the thorian. She knew the last tendril had exploded, and the fading screams of the plant beast were enough to confirm they had dispatched the gruesome monster. The biotic explosion of blue energy and green goop directly in front of her let her know the threat was over. Her team was safe. The colonists would potentially be saved. _I can rest now, if there's any justice in this galaxy…_

"Shepard, are you hurt?" she heard from behind her, a quick look over her shoulder reminded her of the doctor, and what she'd just been doing. She looked herself over for a moment and moved around a little to test her body. _Huh…fancy that…_

"I'm…I'm fine." She answered, the words suddenly feeling hollow as memories of the colonists she'd brutally knocked out earlier filled her mind. "Let's make sure that thing's dead."

The walk back down to the pit took longer than expected. Shepard wasn't sure why it had grown suspended over a massive, seemingly-bottomless pit, but she wasn't about to complain. She peered over the edge and couldn't hear anything or see anything. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned around to look for the exit, only to find Liara prodding at a large sac on the wall. Shepard was about to yell out a warning when the sac burst open, an armored asari tumbling out of it and onto the sticky, grimy ground. _What the shit? Who's this and how did she get here?_

She quickly made her way over to Liara and the newfound asari, the rest of the crew following aside from Wrex, who made his way to the exit.

"I'm free." The asari said breathlessly between coughs, struggling to her feet. Shepard looked on as Liara studied the newcomer intently. "I'm…free! Oh goddess!" the mystery asari cheered, holding her head in disbelief.

"Shiala? Is that…is that you?" Liara asked uncertainly, her voice timid. The asari's head quickly flung toward the prothean researcher, her vision seemingly coming into focus.

"Little wing? Mistress Liara?" the asari asked, her already hoarse voice choking up with emotion. She quickly ducked into a type of formal bow Shepard recognized from her dabbles in asari etiquette. "I…thank you for releasing me! I thought I would never be graced with your presence again…please, forgive me!"

Shepard slowly moved toward the duo as Liara brought a gentle hand to the asari's cheek. She wasn't sure who the other asari was, and despite their familiarity, wasn't willing to put Liara in danger.

"Are you alright, Shiala? Are you hurt?" Liara asked softly, tears brimming her eyes. Shiala shook her head slightly as she moved away from the touch.

"I am fine. Or…I will be, in time." Shiala answered, shame visible across her face.

Shepard moved alongside Liara and gave Shiala an appraising look. _Definitely the asari thrall I was fighting…but she's definitely a grayish blue, not green. Guess the thorian had a thing for that colour…_

"Who are you?" she asked simply, wishing her tone was a little gentler. The asari clearly wasn't here of her own volition.

"I am Shiala… I serve house T'Soni…Matriarch Benezia, primarily. I was the captain of her personal guard, and followed her everywhere I was needed…eventually following her to Saren's clutches." The asari spoke, her voice familiar to Shepard. _She sounds just like I did after Torfan…defeated, confused, knowing you're farther away from salvation than you could ever have thought…_

"Why did mother follow Saren?" Liara blurted out, her eyes pleading for an answer that Shepard feared would only bring pain.

"Benezia foresaw the path Saren was traveling, what influence he would have on the galaxy. She…she only wished to steer him from such violence, to guide him toward a gentler path. But she lost her way…" Shiala's voice trailed at that, though Liara was having none of it, grasping at the asari's shoulders.

"How?! She…she always had a plan! She would never do any of this! She would never cause such pain throughout the galaxy!" Liara yelled out in frustration, earning only a sorrowful look from her mother's guard.

"Saren is compelling…he has a monstrous, unimaginable vessel, larger than any warship I have seen in my years. He calls it Sovereign…and he uses it to dominate the minds of his followers." Shiala explained, her voice taking on a bit of steel, despite her demeanor. Liara was about to interject, but Shiala brought up a hand, silencing her momentarily. "It makes little sense to me, and I am unsure how it happens, but…it is slow and subtle. As days, weeks, months pass…you start to become indoctrinated to Saren's will. I…was a willing slave when I came to this world."

"And…and mother?" Liara's dismay pained Shepard, feeling a dull pain in her chest as tears threatened to spill down the doctor's cheeks. Shiala's slow nod broke the levee.

"What did Saren want here?" Shepard interjected, hoping to spare Liara more pain by steering the discussion away from the Matriarch.

"I was brought here to communicate with the thorian and gain its secrets for Saren." Shiala continued, unable to take her eyes off Liara. "I was offered to the thorian as a thrall…my body's regeneration ability would resist the decay its other species succumbed to…leaving me to a life of servitude."

Shepard shook her head in disgust at the notion. _Saren's selling loyalty he hasn't fucking earned…I want to strangle that damn turian!_ "He's pretty fucking quick to betray his own people." She growled, needing to vent her frustration.

"Betrayed the thorian too, and his clients who revealed the creature to him. Once he was given what he wanted, he ordered the geth to destroy it and all evidence that it existed." Shiala stated with a frown. "I am forever thankful that you all have rescued me from such a fate."

"What did the Thorian give Saren, though?" Williams asked, inching toward the group. She wanted to tell the marine that Shiala wouldn't bite, but she knew that Ashley was fairly paranoid when it came to other species. _Though she DID help Garrus earlier…maybe I'm rubbing off on her…_

"The cipher. Saren was plagued by debilitating migraines and nightmares after accessing the beacon on Eden Prime. He could not make sense of it, and needed answers." Shiala began, finally turning her focus away from Liara, moving it instead to Shepard. "Those beacons were meant for prothean minds. The thorian had…in its time…taken the lives of generations of protheans under its control, gaining it access to their thought processes, their history, their biology, their very nature. Through passing this essence onto me, I was able to provide it to Saren, to allow his mind to think as if it were a prothean's, in order to understand the beacon's message."

Shepard eyed the asari curiously, surprised that Liara hadn't asked the question at the tip of her tongue. "So…you have the essence of a prothean? What's it like?"

"I cannot describe or explain it…it would be like describing colour to the blind. Impossible." Shiala stated flatly.

"Can you teach it to me? I'm…kind of dealing with a bit of a beacon-related problem myself." Shepard explained sheepishly. She caught Liara glance over to her for a second, before turning her gaze to Shiala.

"The knowledge…this cipher…it cannot be taught. It merely exists." The asari answered, her tone reluctant. "I can transfer this knowledge from my mind to yours…if you promise to stop Saren, and if mistress Liara will allow it."

Shepard looked to the asari maiden, who looked too dazed to be able to form words. After a number of moments Liara gave a pained nod and turned away. Shiala walked over to Shepard and placed a hand on her arm.

"Try to relax, Commander. Slow, deep breaths…let go of your physical shell. Reach out and grasp the threads that bind us, one to another. Every action sends ripples across the galaxy. Every idea must touch another mind to live. Each emotion must mark another's spirit." Shiala stated calmly, as if performing a ritual. "We are all connected. Every living being united in a single, glorious existence. Open yourself to the universe, Commander." Shiala finished, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Embrace Eternity." She heard being spoken, but the visions suddenly filled her mind, forcing her eyes closed.

Where before, the savage slaughter and brutality was clouded, masked somewhat, it was clearly shown now. The cries of millions of souls filled her ears as a species' collective trauma roared through her mind, overtaking her own memories, inescapable in their tenacity as the horror built and built. Her body, her mind, reached out for something to stop the terror as a scream fell short in her throat, unwilling to enter such a reality, unable to add to the magnitude of such torment. Everything felt aflame, and she feared to open her eyes and see her team, her family cast down by such an onslaught. To know the screams were theirs. To know she had lost where entire civilizations had, that she had never had a chance at victory. She refused to accept that fate and let the vision peel her skin away, tear her flesh away, and shatter her bone; each grueling ministration no more harmful than the thought of her loved ones perishing. As the flames encroached upon her, she felt a gasp of warmth and slipped into a seemingly eternal darkness.


	20. Blindsided

Everything was so cold. As she regained her senses and flexed her fingers to check she had bodily autonomy, she noticed the distinct chill and frowned, unable to keep a shiver from cascading through her body. Shepard couldn't recall being anywhere cold recently, and certainly had no plans on going to such a location unless the mission had demanded it. Cold temperatures had never appealed to her, especially during her childhood years. She felt slightly stiff and realized her hands were outstretched behind her head; furthermore, she felt a tinge of panic when she found they could not move, despite her best efforts.

"I would remain still and relax, Shepard." She heard echo through the space around her. She struggled to open her eyes, even the dimmest light blinding her temporarily. As her focus returned, she saw Doctor T'Soni at the end of her bed in the med-bay, looking up front a datapad; her lips curled into a smile as a flash of worry streaked across her face momentarily. "You will be here for a significant period of time, and it would displease me if you exhausted yourself."

Shepard's throat felt dry; she mustered up what saliva she could and swallowed it. "What…what's going on?" Each word was slightly sharp as it came out, despite her groggy state, as her parched throat rejected the activity. She glanced around the room, finding it empty, before she lowered her gaze to herself, noticing she was in one of the bodysuits she'd normally wear beneath her armor. _This should be keeping me warm, though…_

Liara's eyebrows rose slightly and she gave her a warm smile. "I told you before that you would be an interesting specimen for an in-depth study." She spoke, her voice oddly mesmerizing, soothing Shepard's apprehension. "I was not lying. Therefore, it would be a great disservice to science if I did not follow through with such a plot."

"You were plotting against me?" Shepard asked, a wry smile spreading across her face. Despite the confusing situation, she felt comfortable with the prothean expert, hardly intimidated by the doctor's demeanor. She hadn't known her very long, but they were becoming friends. _Or at least, I'd like to hope that's the case…_

"Why Shepard, I resent such an accusation." Liara stated firmly with mock indignation. "Perhaps I should begin." She walked over to a nearby trolley and placed her datapad onto it, exchanging it for a scalpel. _What the…_

"Begin recording." The asari said simply, leaning over Shepard with curiosity, before slowly making her way back toward the end of the bed. "Her feet are remarkable in that they only have minor callousing. One would expect more from a soldier who is on her feet more often than not." The doctor spoke, tracing a finger along the edge of her left foot, causing it to jolt slightly.

"She is ticklish…interesting. It seems humans and asari share similar physical reactions." Liara said with a smile, focusing intently on the foot. "You see, Shepard, if you were to touch your foot, your body would not react similarly. You are a known entity. However, although we both know better, I would be deemed a threat… thus, the increased sensitivity of your skin, especially due to the saturated amount of nerves clustered in your foot."

Shepard barely had time to respond before Liara had the scalpel out and was cutting the bodysuit open from her ankle to her knees. She winced as the blade nicked her skin once or twice along the way, drawing Liara's interest.

"Did I hurt you? Are you in pain?" Liara asked, her sparkling blue eyes gazing at her apologetically. She'd suffered tremendously worse; the sting of a few minor cuts were barely noticeable to her. She shook her head slowly, drawing a sigh from the asari. "Shepard, you need not hide from me." She stated, gingerly lifting up the slightly wounded leg for inspection.

Liara held it slightly in the air for a few moments, drawing Shepard's curiosity. "What? Is something wrong?" she asked the doctor, who in turn slowly and gently grazed a hand up and down the raised leg.

"In my limited research on human bodies, I've come across a common belief that wounds could be… kissed better. I should conduct a trial." Liara stated kindly, lowering her face to the leg. Her lips gently brushed against her lower shin first, and then continued up toward the damaged area, each contact sending chills of pleasure through her body. _I…what kind of in-depth study is this?_ She wondered, though she didn't vocalize her concerns, too busy enjoying the asari's affection.

"Liara?" Shepard called out after a significant pause in activity, confused at why the asari had stopped. As if reading her mind, the doctor looked up with a smile.

"Testing my…experimental method, Shepard. I must ensure I conduct the study properly in all areas." Liara replied, her tone slightly playful, but Shepard sensed something else there. She didn't have much time to ponder it, as the doctor's lips once again returned to her skin, kissing the targeted area; once again sending a jolt of pleasure through her, an airy sigh escaping her lips. _Why am I so sensitive right now?_

She watched the doctor's head slowly rise from the wound, compassion written across her face as she gave her commander a shy smile. "Did that make it better?"

Shepard could only nod slowly as she blushed, holding her eye contact with the doctor, whose smile widened at her reaction. Liara hummed with contentment and quickly kissed it again. _What the heck is going on..._

"I fear that due to the restraints, I may have to invade your personal space to a degree, Shepard. I hope you understand." Liara said teasingly, as she climbed onto the bed and straddled her hips. The scalpel came out again as she began cutting away the front of the bodysuit. Shepard knew any slight movement on her behalf could lead to Liara doing some pretty serious damage, so she did her best to remain still. The doctor soon flung a large portion of rubbery material away, marveling at Shepard's mostly naked upper body.

Shepard couldn't help but blush, wishing she'd planned better for this, thinking she should have worn something a little fancier than her N7 sports bra. However, the doctor quickly got to work, cutting through the middle of that, smiling when the cups fell to the side of her body, leaving her torso fully exposed. "There we are. I hope you do not mind, Shepard. I will compensate you for the damaged materials afterward."

She had a playful retort in mind, but Liara slid down onto her and placed her head mere millimeters away from one of her breasts, her warm breath a welcome distraction in the chilly med-bay. _Christ…_

"Shepard, are you cold? I have read about a certain human reaction to more chilled conditions. Muscles around the hair contract, leading to what appear to be bumps across the skin, much like you have." Liara said calmly, resting her palm between Shepard's breasts. Shepard could only gasp in response, writhing slightly from the touch. "However, I also have read that this reaction is caused by excitement, stress, and many other such stimuli. So it is unimportant in this…study of mine. Shall I remedy it? I would never wish for you to feel cold around me, Shepard." Liara finished, sitting up as she pulled off her gloves. She brought her hands down onto Shepard's abs and gently rubbed them slowly up and down across the expanse. Liara's hands felt different than a human's; her skin was a fair bit softer than hers, and held a texture that was slightly smoother, looking somewhat scaly.

Shepard felt herself hum in response to the asari's warm hands and the pleasure they incited as they slowly, through each repeated motion, made their way further up her body, barely an inch shy of her breasts. In a smooth motion, Liara's palms blazed a path around the two mounds, a disappointed moan slipping out of Shepard. She could feel her heart picking up pace as the asari caressed her sides, her thumbs tantalizingly close to where Shepard dreamed they would wander. Where Shepard hoped they would soon reach.

"I have heard that the back of the human neck is where a fair bit of body heat is released. May I investigate?" Liara asked shyly. Shepard could only nod, going with whatever the young doctor wanted to do. She felt herself flush with embarrassment at her own growing excitement. While each touch brought some apprehension, and more than a little confusion, Liara's gentle hands and reassuring words more than eased her worries. _Even with her on top of me, and me being pretty naked, I feel…safe. Is that weird?_

Liara once again slid down onto her, the doctor's clothed body lightly pressing against hers, instantly engulfing her body in warmth. Liara's head navigated to the crook of her neck, her nose grazing along the sensitive flesh as Shepard angled her head away to give the asari better access. She felt a tiny prick as Liara's teeth latched onto a bundle of skin and let it snap back, her hot breath caressing the newly reddened area. Shepard let out a moan as Liara continued study her neck, gasping each time her lips kissed her increasingly tender flesh, shivering with each teasing lick or breath. She felt a growing compulsion to hold the asari against her, and blushed at the thought. _God, I….I need my hands…_

"Liara…" Shepard breathed out as the asari nipped at her earlobe. Liara hummed in response, her nose nuzzling the commander's cheek, one hand massaging behind the human's back, another softly stroking her other cheek.

"Yes, Shepard?" Liara asked, lightly kissing the corner of her mouth, the sensation intoxicating.

"Can…can you untie me? I need…God, I need…" Shepard spoke, her voice unsteady from each ministration of pleasure.

"Soon, Shepard. I have one more area to explore in…depth." Liara whispered, giving Shepard a quick peck on the lips that left her wanting. She watched the doctor shift slightly to the side and trail her hand teasingly down her torso, her fingers stopping at the edge of the body-suit's material. "As an archaeologist, I am very understanding of the need to dig…deep." The asari breathed into her ear. Shepard could hear the mischievous grin in her voice, her fingers working their way beneath the clingy material.

Shepard's hips raised slightly in encouragement as her face desperately sought the asari's, which moved agonizingly out of reach. Liara's fingers stopped short of their destination, carefully and sensually stroking the tender inner thigh instead. Shepard blushed further as a whimper escaped her throat, frustrated at her lack of ability to give back, embarrassed that the asari's touch had already brought her such pleasure. Her body felt electric, practically vibrating in anticipation of the doctor's careful, gentle touch. There was nothing for her to do but anticipate as Liara's hand's slowly worked her into a maelstrom of desire; she was entirely at the asari's mercy, and it was nothing less than exhilarating, despite the limits she faced. Perhaps because of them.

"Liara!" she cried out as the doctor reconvened her assault on her neck, both teasing sensations bringing her closer to the brink. _Christ, this is…ridiculous…she hasn't even…oh god…_ she thought as Liara's hand evacuated the area, leaving her writhing in place, her body blindly searching to feel her lover's touch once more.

"I am still here, Shepard." Liara whispered softly against her abused neck, kissing it gently; her thigh positioned itself between Shepard's legs, drawing the breath from the woman's lungs. Just the simple pressure from the limb had her hips bucking against it, her legs curling up to hold the asari there as Liara shifted to face her. She heard the doctor stifle a giggle, seemingly amused at her desperation.

"This has been…fascinating." Liara said, smiling kindly as she wrapped an arm around Shepard's neck, using the other to gently but firmly hold her down onto the bed. "But I did say that you will be here for a significant duration. This is but a single trial." She finished, as she slowly began to rock.

Shepard felt her eyes roll to the back of her head with each motion, both tantalizing and frustrating, as she wished to look at the asari. _I want to see her…I…I don't think I've ever wanted to see anything blue so badly…_ she agonized, trying to focus through each body-shuddering touch, each sensual act of friction.

She couldn't help but cry out her lover's name as each thrust became more powerful, as her mind melted from pleasure, as she became a willing receptacle for anything the asari would generously offer her. Each cry a call to be freed, each shuddering syllable of her name a call of submission, each breath a blessing for the revelation that had been acquired.

She heard a voice in the distance, but brushed it aside as she worked to open her eyes, clammed shut from each of Liara's sensual efforts, her body on autopilot at that point. _I haven't been this close in…fuck!..._ she mused, wanting to look into the asari's eyes as she neared her breaking point. She felt Liara's thigh shift away as her shoulders were gently shaken.

"Shepard!" she heard the doctor call out, her voice somehow muffled. Shepard heard panic and fear in her voice and finally found the will to open her eyes, her body still twitching in ecstasy. Liara was standing over her at the side of the bed, looking terrified. _What? I…_

Shepard's eyes snapped open fully, her head turning to quickly scan the room, and then to her body. Her armor was still on, and as she clued into reality, she couldn't be more thankful of that aspect of reality. Murakami was unconscious at the far end of the med-bay, but aside from him, they were alone.

"I have called Chakwas, she should be here momentarily. Are you well? Do you feel any ill effects?" Liara practically pleaded, bringing Shepard's focus back to her. She couldn't help but smile at the blue beauty in front of her as she let her head drop back onto her pillow. _Fuck…what the hell did that even mean? If anything?_

"I'm fine, Liara. Just…feeling a little…sensitive right now." She grit out, in disbelief of her situation. _I cannot believe I just had a dream about….Goddess, indeed…wow. Way to go, Shep. Way to fucking go… Oh, here's a new person you're starting to like, after having a goddamn asari avoidance complex just days ago? How about we dream about them sexually devouring us? That's fantastic! You're citizen of the fucking year!_

Her inner grumblings were interrupted by the warm, gentle touch of Liara's hand on her cheek, bringing her focus back to the doctor. She hoped Liara didn't notice the shiver that coursed through her body. "You…you were calling for me. I thought that…you were in danger, and …are you certain you are fine?"

 _Christ…can I really blame myself? She's so goddamned nice, and…her eyes are always so expressive and…fuck. I don't know…am I crushing on her, or…am I just a goddamn freak?_ she agonized, shaking her head more in an attempt to shake loose her frustrating thoughts than as an answer to her question. "I'm alright. I just had a…rough dream." Shepard noted bashfully, feeling herself blush as she covered Liara's hand with her own. "But thank you for being here." _Oh hey! Let's project the dream's Liara onto the real Liara now, as if that's anywhere near accurate…fuck, get a hold of yourself, Shep! She's goddamn royalty for Christ sakes! Stop fucking touching her and just…just tell her to leave or something, I don't fucking know…_

Liara's eyes glanced off to the side as her cheeks burned a vibrant shade of purple. "I was so worried when you passed out. Neither you nor Shiala were in any state to meld, and…Goddess, I should not be admonishing you while you're still recovering."

"As opposed to when I'm fully recovered?" Shepard said smirking at the asari's logic.

"At least then I would not feel so guilty." Liara's tone was warm, though her expression remained crestfallen. "I…truly hope you know that if you have any difficulties with the cipher, that I will always be here to help."

Shepard couldn't help but feel bad for the prothean expert. _I'm just not ready for that kind of experience…not right now, and not until I figure out what I think of myself, after all this…not until I clear my fucking head…and not until it stops pounding…_

"I know. You're the resident prothean expert, and here I am housing all these goodies to explore." Shepard noted sadly, understanding the asari's frustration.

Liara's eyes opened wide in shock. "Shepard, I did not mean to offend, I am aware your vision…" Liara began quietly, before Shepard took the asari's hand on her cheek and brought it toward her mouth. She froze as she realized what she was doing and clumsily shifted herself enough so that she could bring her other hand to fully cup the asari's instead. _For fuck's sake, what's next, a light grope? Maybe the damn dream was right on one thing, you should stop being handsy, are you really this out of control?_

"Liara, I'm serious. You've been here, on this ship, with an untapped ability to help me sort through this mess that's going on in my head. It's all this prothean stuff that I can't wrap my mind around, and I'm sure you'd be really excited to get a look at it. You've been studying them for fifty years, and it's my fault for not having the willpower to go through a meld with you." Shepard explained softly, her thumb tracing figure eights across Liara's knuckle. _I can't take my shit out on her, she's got nothing to do with this…just…tell her I'm fine, and let her go back to more important stuff. Don't let yourself get serenaded by her voice…_

"It…it is not your fault, Shepard. You cannot force yourself into feeling comfortable about something that is so…intimate. Even knowledge melds require a gentle approach. Otherwise, non-asari can experience pain or incapacitation…such as what you had to go through." Liara said firmly. "Human brains, like any non-asari brain, actively fight the meld under most circumstances. I will only engage in it if you are ready and willing, Shepard."

"Well, I don't exactly have the luxury of time. Saren still has the lead on us, we're still flying a little blind here." Shepard reasoned, drawing a frown from the asari.

"The galaxy will not end tonight, Shepard. I would like for us to work toward such an act, but I will never allow myself to…to put you in a position where you would be in pain, by my doing." Liara's words were both reassuring, and inspired her to hope that maybe she wouldn't need to keep sacrificing when she felt empty. _Nice to know she's willing to wait…though I figure I'll spend less time around her in the near future, me being a fucking freakshow around her. Maybe I can destroy that dream I just had somehow, in case she stumbles upon it if we end up melding…yeah, that would be bad if she saw that. And awkward. And I'd probably scare her away. Rightfully so, too, who dreams about something that intense with a crewmate? That hasn't happened before...what the hell is wrong with me?_

Both of their attention flung toward the med-bay doors as Chakwas stepped through, their hands untangling and returning to their sides hastily.

"Liara, what's wrong?" the older woman asked, looking at the two of them curiously. "You said there was an emergency but…well, Shepard's readings were perfectly normal and the Commander certainly appears to be fine."

"It was apparently just something of a nightmare, doctor. My apologies." Liara conceded sheepishly.

Shepard paled as Chakwas shot her a knowing look. "A nightmare…quite." The doctor stated, placing her attention back on Liara. "If you don't mind, I would like to give Shepard a checkup. If you would wait in the lab, my dear..."

Liara briskly nodded and quickly returned to her makeshift home as Chakwas slowly strolled to Shepard's bedside with a shit-eating grin on her face. _Oh fuck…_

"Don't even think about it, doc." Shepard warned, though she knew she was at a severe situational disadvantage.

"And here I was about to let you go take a refreshing shower." Chakwas said, smiling wide. "I will not have you corrupting that poor asari, Shepard."

Shepard shook her head at the allegation. "Give me a break, Chakwas. I don't even remember what the hell I was dreaming about, or having nightmares about, or whatever." She lied, hoping she seemed sincere enough and that the doctor wouldn't call her bluff.

"And the hand-holding I witnessed when I came in?" the doctor asked amusedly, tapping her foot in impatience.

"She was terrified! She's my crew, and I needed to convince her I was fine." Shepard reasoned, the doctor rolling her eyes at the remark. "Asari use touch to communicate that kind of stuff, from what I've been told."

"She called me over my personal comms, informing me that you were calling her name repeatedly." the doctor noted, smugly emphasizing the last word as she leaned up against the wall behind her.

"I won't deny that it could have been something more…intimate." Shepard admitted exasperatedly, trying to concoct another valid explanation, failing to find one that wouldn't be emotionally manipulative. "It's not like I wanted it, if I did have that kind of dream. This kind of stuff happens. Can we just drop this?" She finished, a blush returning to her cheeks as frustration built inside her.

"I'm not entirely certain these kind of things happen to just everyone, Shepard." Chakwas mentioned, though she reeled her playful expression back as her patient's distress began to erupt.

Shepard sat up, her eyes ablaze with an amalgam of fury. "Look doc, you want to get your rocks off ribbing someone who hasn't been…touched…since she was a kid, then you can be that person. I'm sorry that I can't give my body what it needs, and it has to do that shit behind my back. I'm sorry that I'm kind of feeling really messed up right now between this, the cipher, and that shit with Zhu's Hope, and for thinking a shower would be great, so I can maybe feel a little less disgusting." Shepard ranted, swinging herself off the bed, moving her feet toward the door. "I'll get some goddamn bed rest. If anyone needs anything in the next twenty four hours, they can talk to Pressly, unless I decide to take my corrupting self out of my damn office." She growled, breathing heavily, venom dripping from every syllable her hoarse voice could produce. She didn't spare a glance at Chakwas' direction as she blitzed through the doors and across the mess hall, her balance wavering with each step.

As the doors to her personal quarters closed behind her, she fell to her knees in exhaustion. Feros had been tiring enough without the cipher, and between enduring that and the emotional exhaustion from the dream and all that had followed it, she was finding it difficult to breathe. Her hands scrambled to detach her armor, each piece falling unceremoniously to the ground as she struggled toward the shower. She used the last of her energy to slip out of her bodysuit, her body keeling forward and spewing vomit into the small steel shower stall.

 _Why is this…happening to me?_ She wondered to herself, unaware if the tears streaking down her face were from vomiting, from pain, or if they were from self-pity. In the end, neither would have made her feel better. She curled into a ball, accepting the cold, hard sensation of steel on her flesh alongside the tremendously painful migraine encroaching upon her.

* * *

The eggs were particularly bad that morning. Kaidan wasn't sure if the slight acidic taste of the eggs and orange juice were too big of a reminder of Feros, or if it was just a bad MRE. He'd never been the biggest fan of breakfasts, not since he'd left home. It was always hard for the meal to live up to a history filled with fresh waffles and real maple syrup. His fork danced around the somewhat edible objects on his plate, unwilling to engage and get the ordeal over with.

"Didn't know you could play chess with food, Alenko." He heard across the mess hall table, looking up as Williams plopped down opposite him with a poor attempt at a grin. The entire crew was still reeling from the events on Feros and Zhu's Hope, and the gunnery chief didn't seem to be any different.

Kaidan pushed his plate away to the side. "Can't muster up much of an appetite. I should be hungry, but…well, you know." He said, annoyed at himself for wasting food. _Perhaps I'll eat it cold later._

Ashley gave a look over her shoulder, toward the medbay. "Yeah, hard to eat after seeing Murakami like that." She spoke quietly, resting her elbows on the table. "Never seen acid whittle anyone down to the bone like that. I can still smell it."

"I think that's the eggs, marine." Kaidan added glumly, wincing at the image burned into his mind. "Though I wouldn't doubt you either way. The entire colony stunk of it after the battle. Wish I would have hung back a bit further against the geth. I might have been able to stop him."

"No point weighing what-ifs, Lieutenant. No one knew the colonists would be like…that." Ashley assured him with a slight shake of her head. He knew she was right, but it didn't take away the guilt he felt for letting one of his subordinates come to harm. "I just wish they could have been saved in the end."

"Still a lot I wish we knew about that plant. If we'd known it was keeping the colonists alive…" Kaidan began, stopping mid-sentence as an angry fist slammed down on the table.

"It put them in that position somehow. Chakwas said their bodies were decayed enough to fail without its intervention. Don't know how it did it, but it explains why they were so greenish." Ashley muttered. He could tell she was uncomfortable, and chalked it up to her losing her cool in front of her superior. She seemed the type to be a bit of a control freak. "The thorian made them slaves. As much as it's horrible…we set them free. We gave them some peace, maybe." She finished quietly.

"Peace I don't think Murakami's going to have for a while. That leg's going to take months to re-build and rehab. He'll have to be dropped off… somewhere, I think, and that puts us down a man for our mission. As if we could afford to lose another." Kaidan added grimly, eyes darting toward the med bay for a moment.

"Yeah. We've lost enough humans already, we don't need to lose any more." Williams agreed, which drew a mirthless laugh from Kaidan, whose mind instantly returned to a conversation he'd had with their resident quarian.

"Says the woman who risked her life saving a turian's." he noted simply, a smug grin forming on his face. He was glad Garrus had lived, and only needed minor surgery. Hearing the report, he could hardly believe it, and seeing her face redden slightly in either anger or embarrassment, he knew he'd gained at least some ammo on the gunnery chief.

"I wasn't thinking, I just… reacted. Saw the rocket trooper fire the shot and I'd made the mistake not to prioritize it over the normal geth troops. Just making up for my mistake." Ashley explained, although it wasn't entirely convincing.

"And I could say none of the team prioritized that rocket trooper, including Garrus. Not your sole responsibility, Williams, but you did it anyway." Alenko reasoned, and he ignored the marine's annoyed scoff shortly afterward. "I'm glad you did. Garrus is a good soldier, he just needs some training in tactics."

"He needs to learn how to bend his knees and duck." Williams laughed, though she was still visibly frustrated, from what he could tell. "I can't always be there. I don't think I'll always react like that in the future, either…never really saved a turian before."

"Never really had a chance before, from what I hear. I'm glad Shepard and Anderson helped bring you aboard, you're a good soldier. Right up Shepard's alley, you get the job done." Kaidan said proudly. He'd always seen Williams as a sort of everyday marine, and liked to think that the rest of the Alliance would be as capable if they were in her shoes.

"I…kind of worry about what effect that has on her." Ashley noted as her brow furrowed, her eyes housing a faraway look to them. Kaidan could only give her a questioning look, not quite understanding her. Williams gave a half shrug and looked over to Shepard's office. "She's barely been on this mission for a few weeks and she's already run ragged. The Alliance wants her to get the job done. The Council wants her to get the job done. But on Feros…she had to decide out what the job was, and how to get it done. I mean, it's just adapting to the situation, we're trained for that, but…"

Alenko leaned forward, curious to the train of thought running through the marine's mind. "But…?"

"She could have called for us to kill the colonists. We knew next to nothing on the thorian, and the colonists had taken down a marine. If she was the kind to just get the job done, she would have had us kill them, but she didn't. She had us knock them out, putting ourselves at risk. She made everyone know that we had a responsibility to the colonists, that we had to get the job done for them too." Williams rambled. Kaidan knew Shepard wasn't always the cold-hearted soldier on the battlefield, but that streak ran strong in the commander. At least, that's what he felt. "I watched her pummel a man into unconsciousness, and she felt it. It horrified her, and while I'm sure she made the right call…I don't know if she did it to punish herself for putting the crew at risk, or if she just felt that's how it had to be. Either way, that's not a weight I think I can help bear for her. I can't help her make those decisions, I can't have that responsibility. She's dealing with that, and a lot of other crap, and she's not sleeping. Outside of a night on the Citadel, she's barely eating."

Kaidan paused for a moment to think, coming to agreement with a lot of what the young marine was saying. A thought clicked in his head as he traced back to the previous day's fight in the thorian's den.

"She did seem out of it. Hell, even at the start of the mission, she was a little off, but after the thorian died…she got sloppy. I can't believe she just jumped right in on that mind meld." Kaidan noted hastily.

Ashley leaned back and bit her cheek slightly. "To be fair, we were all running on adrenaline, and no one really called her out on it. I should have clued in that it could be a bad idea." She said, shaking her head angrily at herself.

"Well, Chakwas said she'll be fine, but still. That Shiala was indoctrinated, apparently. If Saren could do mind control, and the thorian could do mind control, was she being controlled at the time? Was she really free?" Kaidan asked, drawing a shrug from the woman opposite him. "I mean…if Saren can control our minds, what can we even do to stop that?"

"Especially if it's slow, and we don't see it coming. He could have had this planned for years, have turned a lot of people to his side. Who can we trust?" Ashley added, frustrated. "It's a lot easier to point and say that my enemy is a geth, that's what it looks like. A lot harder when your enemy's invisible like that."

Kaidan nodded and thought of their current blank slate ahead of them. No leads, no missions, no orders. He wondered what would be done with the asari commando, but hoped whatever it was, it would be done soon. "It'll be even harder with Shiala on board as a reminder and potential threat. Especially harder on Doctor T'Soni, after her mother and her old acquaintance are or were both on the other side of this."

Ashley gave an annoyed snort and pulled Kaidan's discarded meal in front of her. "Never really liked the doctor. Or trusted her. If this helps prove she deserves to be here, then I'm all for it."

"She more than proved herself down there, Williams. Without her, we wouldn't have been able to get Murakami out, we wouldn't have been able to hold the colonists off for long. I mean, I can put up an alright barrier, but…not like her." Kaidan stated firmly, wanting to give the marine some perspective. "She's a poor shot with a gun, but she reacted well under stress, and without her, Murakami wouldn't be here."

Ashley grimaced as she prodded a piece of cold egg and took a bite into it, taking a while to chew and swallow. "So she helped a bit. Now she has a servant that worked for her mother on board. Can we write off the chance that she'll do anything to sabotage the mission?"

He would have spat out his drink had he been drinking, and merely looked at the woman with disbelief. "Williams, you're talking about the same asari that has a tendency to hover around the med bay, helping anyone who gets hurt." He reasoned, hoping she would understand.

"And Chakwas lets her help organize her supplies. I just think that it might be too much to trust her with that kind of thing. She's always hiding away from everyone." Ashley retorted, earned a frown from Kaidan, who wanted to be amused at Williams bravely trying to get the meal down.

"She's apparently been a bit of a recluse for decades…supposedly why she and her mother had a falling out. Understandable when your mother wants you to be a politician and you have social anxiety. Give her a break, Ash." Kaidan added, his voice brokering no disagreement.

The marine nodded as she finished the meal, using the last of the orange juice to get it all down.

"Alright. I guess she does have a tendency to worry every time the commander gets hurt. She's had plenty chances to finish her off." Williams said with a smirk.

"Kind of ridiculous how even when she's not hurt after a mission, she still winds up in the med bay." He said, shaking his head at the woman's poor luck. "Maybe she just enjoys visiting Chakwas." He laughed, earning a wider grin from Williams as they continued their banter. It would be hours before they would be given any direction. He figured it was time best spent winding down a little.

* * *

Liara couldn't help but feel wound up, a flurry of emotions assaulting her mind at any given moment. She had hoped the solace of the med bay's lab would quiet her mind enough to calm down, but the events of the last day were too overwhelming. There was too much to digest, and she was tired of feeling so confused so often. It seemed as if each time she found out something more about her mother, the more confused it made her. Liara couldn't help but hope her confusion had hit its peak. _I am not certain I can manage…I wish aunt Tevos were here to help me, it is so hard…_

Tevos, she was sure, would know how to navigate all that had been revealed by Shiala. Indoctrination was difficult enough to believe, even with the evidence of the thorian, but the thought of her mother succumbing to it was unfathomable. _Mother would have noticed, she would have prepared for it, planned a number of ways to leave Saren. She…mother would never have ruled out any possibility…it is why she was so valued by Thessia, she had tremendous foresight, and always balanced her ego in order to be able to adapt short term. As much as I tired of her attempts to get me into politics, it is where she belongs. She would be smarter than to fall for that! Even if Shiala did, even if she let Shiala fall…she…she wouldn't have succumbed…oh Goddess, she couldn't have!_

Her mind spun at the possibility of her mother being tricked out of her own mental faculties, and she needed something, or someone, to center her. _Goddess, it has been over a decade since I have felt so…helpless! I must focus, but…and I know Shiala would try to help me if I asked, but I fear I may not be able to trust her. I cannot make such a judgment on my own, I need help, but…oh Goddess! What will Shepard think?! Shiala put her in the med-bay, and she was once indoctrinated. The commander could have her sent to the Citadel for questioning, or for imprisonment, or she could send her to Thessia as a traitor, or she could kill her here aboard the Normandy…_ she thought, each fleck of a rational idea taking form in her mind as she recalled the fight against the Thorian, how Shepard fought Shiala's clones fiercely. _The way she adapted to Shiala's An'Jukh form so quickly and applied it herself in their next encounter…somewhat sloppily, but…it took her a minute to learn a form that took me a year to master the basics of…I thought for a moment she'd gotten a surface meld on me when those thorian thralls were surrounding me…it was as if she knew exactly what I was doing, even though I was merely reacting…if she were ever indoctrinated, then…oh Goddess, I should not think of such terrible things!_

Liara practically hopped off the chair she'd been sitting on in the lab, and made a beeline for the door, pausing at the frame as her gaze held on her bedding. She missed the faint scent that the cleaning equipment had extinguished, the precise layering and tucking of sheets that Shepard had stressed over that night. Despite those subtle changes, it remained one of her few comforts, a place to escape her thoughts. She blushed from guilt, remembering how sunken Shepard's eyes had looked in the med-bay, how exhausted the woman appeared to be _. I should not be retreating to a comforting escape when she is facing horrors and troubles of her own. I have been enough of a burden on her…_

She couldn't help but recall her escape on Therum. How humiliated she'd felt for accidentally activating the wrong protocol, for being so helpless, for nearly getting the woman killed by her own inability to apply her knowledge on protheans in one small moment in her life. Shepard had saved her on Therum, she had helped save her family by not making her mother's affairs public, she had defended her on the Citadel, she had come to her rescue on Feros. _She let Shiala live…perhaps she will let mother live…_ Liara mused, her thoughts darkening as her mind shifted back to indoctrination. _Would she be so kind if I had been abducted by the geth, if I had been indoctrinated and found by her at a later time? Mother and Shiala…both had such strong minds…if they fell, I certainly would. Yet another thing to thank the commander for, yet…I am finding it terribly difficult to feel thankful. Shiala…_

She knew she should feel good about having her old mentor, her friend back with her. She could learn so much from the commando still, and having her company again should have been a tremendous thrill. _Yet here I am, feeling jealous because she has access to what I can only dream of…I have spent so long studying Protheans, and she has a veritable key to unlock their secrets! It…it is not fair!_ She griped, internally, as she leant back against the closed door _. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to think as if she was Prothean…how would that alter her daily experiences? I…I both envy and fear such an opportunity, but I doubt I would pass up the chance…_

Liara found herself slogging over to her bed, making a decidedly over-dramatic flop onto it. _Liara, stop being so selfish…mother would be ashamed. A T'Soni must be better than that!_ She thought, burying her face in her pillows in frustration _. I must not lose sight of proper perspective. I am alive…both Shiala and Shepard are alive…there is much to be thankful for, especially with how dangerous the last mission was, and how tremendously risky that meld was for both of them. I should not have given permission for Shiala to initiate it! Even…even if it may help Shepard understand her visions earlier, it caused her pain._

She had always been strictly reserved with melding in comparison to the majority of asari. Her mother would often have guests with bondmates of different species, and the topic of 'meld sickness' would arise at times. It was a fancy word for asari who strain themselves too much during melds, or other species who simply experience discomfort or pain during or after melds, and Liara wanted to avoid it entirely. _Of course, I have only ever melded with mother, Shiala and Nesiiri. I am…not very experienced…_ she mused, although she only wanted others to experience melds like she did. _Mother's were always so calming…soothing…she was with me when the doctors had to repair my leg after an expedition. I…Goddess, I cannot dwell on that right now. Nesiiri and Shiala would always be so comforting when I would return from school, crying over the names they would call me, over lacking a father…_ she smiled at the memories, as painful as they could be. She felt fortunate to have experienced painless melds, and wanted others to know such comfort and care through them as she was given. _I hope Shepard is resting…perhaps one day when she is feeling better, and trusts me more freely, I might be able to give her that. To show her that melds can be wonderful, and not just painful or disorienting_.

Her mind shifted to Shiala, who she hoped was resting in the cargo bay, regaining her strength. She was sure the commando would be fully recovered in a matter of hours, given the minor asari regenerative abilities, and couldn't help but wonder where that left them. _She addressed me as if I were the head of the T'Soni household…but that is mother's place, and…and I refuse to believe she is entirely lost to us, to me! What will she expect of me? What…what effect will it have on this mission? Will I have to return to Thessia? I never wanted such responsibility…I fled Benezia's social circles in favour of libraries because the thought of leading our people to a better future was…it is frightening. I am not ready for such authority or responsibility…what shall I say to Shiala? What will she think?_

Liara rolled over, cocooning herself in her sheets inadvertently as a stray thought pierced her. _Shepard has not lived even three decades, and she has managed. She does not seem to care for it, she is young, and supposedly as poor with people as I am, yet she is capable…would I be capable? Would I be able to perform my duties under such stress? Would I be able to adapt? Shepard…_ Her thoughts trailed as she compiled what she knew of the commander. _She is resourceful…perhaps Chakwas is correct…perhaps I should seek her help. If I am able to find a cure for this ailment of mine, or at least have an idea of what to look into, maybe I will be able to more clearly focus my thoughts. Yes…_

Liara slid off her cot, taking a few moments to re-arrange the sheets back into a somewhat proper state before making her way out of the lab, toward her destination. She felt a rush flow through her at the thought of finally having an answer, and couldn't help but wonder if maybe Shepard had known anyone who had experiences similar symptoms. She seemed like a well traveled human, she felt sure that with Shepard, she would find her answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Ma-Rin's "Liara's Favourite Dig Site" on Deviantart for inspiration, whose text I pretty much paraphrased in the first section because it was too perfect. Wonderful artist, love her mass-effect related work, so I hope you all give her some love too :) (ma-rin._.c0m/art/Liara-s-favorite-dig-site-295029412 you can fill in the blank and change a 0 to an o to get the url...just in case Ao3 is like FFnet in not liking links)


	21. Have You Passed Through This Night?

The room was too quiet. Heather would have preferred almost anything over the torturous silence of the dark, barely furnished room; hardly a photograph of who and what she knew her friend to be. Shepard had always been strange in that way, she'd never been much of a collector, or one to surround herself with many trinkets or furniture. Even her home on Amaterasu was sparsely furnished, and only done to such a degree in order to accommodate a small gathering. _Always told me she didn't need holos lining her halls of us. Never wanted an excuse to get lazy and let memories slip away…though ask her to take that ragged acorn necklace off…or ask her to play that piano of hers…and suddenly, she's all up in arms and defensive. Crazy lady…_

She looked down at Shepard, still sprawled out on her bed; the cloth Heather had rested on her forehead was still half in place, and she wasn't sweating as much as she had before. She'd cleaned her friend's vomit up hours ago, helped her into some clothes, and had fruitlessly tucked her into bed. Heather knew Shepard was a fitful sleeper but she seemed more so than normal that night. She'd only meant to check up on her and see how the ground mission had gone, and arrived to something of a minor disaster. It had been years since she'd seen her in such a state. _Not since that damn N6 bitch fucked her over…I hope tonight won't be as hard as that was…_

Heather thought back to that night, and how excited she'd been for her. For years, she'd known Amber was still hung up on Faridah, and was thrilled to see her trying her hand with one of the other marines in her training program. She'd listened to the subtle excitement her friend would express when talking about even the most minor of meetings between the two, how she'd do daily vidcalls, or leave vidmail, asking about how to handle certain situations, whether the other woman's body language or phrases meant anything in particular. It had been fun watching her blossom, open up to someone else. She'd waited for hours after Shepard had promised to call, and initially had held hope that it had gone better than expected; when it had passed a full day, she'd made the trip to Terra Nova to visit, thankful she was on leave at the time. Upon arrival, she'd been met with a similar scene. _Though she's…a lot thinner looking now. And her face is…I wonder if this is anything near what she was like when Faridah first met her…and it didn't smell like she was drinking…_

Despite not understanding the reason why Amber had brought her onboard, she was more than glad to be there, if only to make things easier. She'd noticed how tired the woman had looked and wanted to help with that in whatever way she could. _They ask too much of her…they always do, and she can never will herself to refuse…she's been more of a Giles Corey clone than a marine since Torfan…_ she thought, leaning forward enough in her chair so that she could brush a stray lock of hair off the woman's face and out of her mouth. _I hope you're making better friends these days. Or at least better enemies…the quarian seems to be fond of you, at least. For what it's worth, it's nice to know someone's treating you well. I hope you're happier…I just…_

The buzzer at the door startled her forward nearly sliding her off the chair. Thankfully, her balance held, and she gave a look to the doorway as the metal panel slid open, revealing a nervous looking asari.

"Can I help you?" she asked the newcomer, who seemed to grow more anxious, her eyes darting between her and Shepard. After a long pause, she continued, hoping to clarify. "Shepard's sleeping."

The asari slowly moved into the room, the door swiftly shutting behind her as she gave the sleeping woman a quizzical look. "Is it human custom to watch over others when they sleep?" the asari asked, clearly confused, babbling on before Heather could respond. "Asari children are often watched over by their parents, usually their mothers, for usually at least the first twenty years of their life, often sleeping in the same room…but Shepard has slept alone, I think, for the time I have known her, and now I'm wondering whether…"

"Easy, blue…" Heather said, interrupting the rambling cerulean woman. "I'm an old friend of hers. Just got a position on the ship about a week ago."

The asari's posture stiffened, as if hit by a sudden clarity. "So…close friends watch over each other." The asari said, an honest smile spreading across her face. The sheer idea of what the asari had said was ludicrous, and she couldn't help but laugh a bit at her expense.

"No, not really…well, not like this…at least not in most circumstances. I came to see how she was doing and…she was out cold. So I'm just sitting here, making sure she's alright, that she's resting." Heather elaborated, unable to smirk in amusement at the confused look the visitor gave her.

"I…can go get the blankets she gave me if she's cold." The asari blurted out quietly, her face twisting in frustration. "I made her promise me that she was not giving me comfort at the expense of her own sleep."

Heather shook her head in astonishment, never having known anyone so unfamiliar with even the most common human sayings. "No, no, I found her unconscious. I think she's doing better now, though. She's fine with the blankets she has. She's not the type to break promises."

"Oh…" the asari stated, her monosyllabic response barely audible. The visitor's face softened as her eyes drifted back to Shepard. Heather had seen a similar expression before, but couldn't put her finger on it. "I should let her rest then."

Heather watched the asari turn to leave and called out to her. "Wait, please." She asked, drawing the visitor's attention. It was clear that the asari was at least on good terms with Shepard, for her to visit. "Stay. Any friend of Shepard's is a friend of mine."

The asari quietly pulled up a chair beside her and nervously offered her hand, seeming uncertain about it as her hand jittered back and forth slightly. Heather took it and gave a light shake before letting go. "I am Liara T'Soni. May I ask your name?"

Heather smiled, finding the asari's easy politeness refreshing. "Heather Laurent. What brings you by here tonight?"

"I…was going to ask Shepard to help me find the source of an ailment." Liara stated softly, her hand gently resting on her own chest. "I have been experiencing strange sensations, and I do not wish to falter after she has done so much for me and my people."

Heather's mouth quirked to the side for a moment as she wondered about why anyone would go to Shepard for medical advice. "Well…if anything, she'd at least do her best to find someone who could have some answers. Though she's no medical professional."

Liara frowned slightly, turning her eyes to the sleeping woman. "I am aware that she is…not extensively educated. Still, I feel she would be able to help. I am not sure how to explain." The asari spoke, reaching down to pick up one of the many small acorns littered around the room.

"No need to explain. She's never been the most likely of problem solvers, but she always seems to come through when needed." Heather stated softly as she recalled watching the girl fight off armed guards in Faridah's home that one night. She'd never thought the girl capable of such violence. Shepard had always been full of surprises. "She's a lot nicer than people give her credit for. Always does her best to make sure everyone she's working with is doing well."

Liara nodded at that. "I noticed that earlier. She is always visiting the crew, but many of the human crew still seem uneasy around her, and on the Citadel…I learned that she has a poor reputation." The asari said, using her feet to gently tuck the sheets around Shepard's legs under the mattress. "I had planned to visit her every so often…it may sound foolish, but I do not want her feeling alone on this ship. Even though it's small, and she's becoming close to the crew, and she's always venturing out to visit others and…"

"You want her to know that someone's looking out for her. That she's worth visiting too." Heather noted, smiling at the asari's honesty. She couldn't help but wonder how close the two had gotten. One half of her wanted to threaten Liara preemptively, not wanting anyone to hurt Shepard. The other half of her wanted to hug the asari for doing what a lot of humans wouldn't. The woman always denied that her reputation affected her strongly, but over the years, it was easy to see the change.

"It is good, then, that she has you to visit her now." Liara stated, tearing her eyes off Shepard and making brief eye contact with Heather before returning her focus to the sleeping woman, still fitfully rolling around.

"The more the merrier, Liara. It will be easier with me here…she misses me and the others a hell of a lot, but I'm sure she'd love it if you visited. She can get a bit lonely, and..." Heather began, before noticing Liara bolt off her chair toward the nearby bed, a grunt sounding from Shepard's mouth as the woman convulsed.

Heather felt the blood leave her face and seemingly her body as a chill ran through her. She moved over to beside Liara and attempted to hold Shepard still, an increasingly hard endeavour made more difficult by her own internal grief over not calling for medical assistance earlier, just in case. _Fuck, I should have had someone check her out, instead of just assuming…augh! I'm such an idiot and if…if she…_

"I will get Doctor Chakwas!" Liara called out, darting for the door as Heather's panic increased tremendously, Shepard's body now thrashing against the mattress, foam bubbling at her mouth. _Come on, come on, hang in there! Stay with me!_

Heather straddled Shepard and held the woman down as well as she could manage, limbs flailing and smacking her arms as she kept pushing her friend down against the mattress. She felt the tears stream down her face, not wanting her friend to leave. _Not like this…Faridah will kill both of us if you go now!_

She wasn't sure how long she'd been left alone, but found a semblance of relief when she heard two sets of rushed footsteps move into the room. And older woman appeared at her side, a scanner active on her omni-tool and a needle readied in the other.

"Hold her still, please." The woman said with an odd calmness to her voice. Heather pushed her full weight onto Shepard's shoulders and head, giving the doctor room and time to inject some fluid into the commander's neck.

Heather wanted to ask how often this happened to her friend, but couldn't manage to get any words out of her mouth, too overwhelmed with worry.

"Will that help? Will she be alright?" Liara asked, pleading the doctor for an answer. Heather felt it was close enough to what she wanted to ask, and just decided to listen and keep her friend as still as possible, Liara pitching in to help hold her legs down.

"After Eden Prime, her brain activity was off the charts, so to speak. I gave her a sedative then…I'll know in a few seconds if it will work." The doctor said, staring intensely at her scanner, studying the shifting bars that appeared far too close to what she imagined was a maximum. Seconds passed as if they were minutes, each holding their breath, silently begging for a confirmation that Shepard would be fine.

"She's in shock…" the doctor started, her face tightening with concern. "Her brain activity is…it's so irregular, and those beta waves are even wilder than the last time…I…"

"Will Shepard be alright?" Liara asked, her voice cracking slightly, her eyes fixated on the woman beneath her.

"I am sorry Liara…the sedative isn't showing it's had any effect on her and…it is only a matter of time…" the woman's voice trailed off, her face a mask of helplessness and confusion.

Heather was desperate for her friend to survive whatever she was dealing with, her mind jumped from idea to idea, each useless or impossible. _She just needs help…and I can't….and the doctor can't but…_

She froze momentarily, a lone idea coming to mind, and spun to face the asari. "You need to help her!" she blurted out, half a sob, and half an order. Liara recoiled at the words and looked at her in disbelief.

"I would help if I could but…" Liara stated softly, shaking her head.

"Do that mind meld thing! I remember from my interspecies biology classes, asari…asari can go into people's heads and help calm them or something! Please!" she pleaded, her hope latching onto this one possibility, however dangerous it could be. Liara flinched and looked up at the ceiling, face twisting in worry.

"I…I promised her I would not meld with her. It could cause her pain, and... and…" Liara started, Heather unable to let any more time pass, knowing her friend was slipping away from her each second.

"She's dying." she breathed out, her voice seeming eerily calm even to her. Liara moved her gaze from Shepard to her and gave a slow nod. Heather saw the apprehension on the asari's face, the worry she felt. On any other day, any other moment, she would have thanked Liara for not wanting to hurt Shepard, but she was willing to try anything to see her friend in a better state. To keep her alive. She knew it was a hard burden for the asari to bear, but she'd thank her later if all worked out.

She watched as Liara placed a hand on Shepard's left foot and gripped it firmly, a light string of whispered words escaping her mouth, her eyes swirling into an unsettling darkness.

 _From here, I can only wait…may…may Athame guide you, Liara_.

* * *

A searing pain tore through her mind as countless massacres reenacted themselves across her field of vision; streams of red death cutting through her senses like they cut through entire legions of protheans, fracturing her reality into shards to watch the destruction of the asari people through. She saw Armali's prized shores scorched in flames, bodies of friends and family littered across the blackened sands. She witnessed the destruction of the Tower of Hya'li, her favourite place to do her morning meditations while in Serrice. She saw her family home's gardens reduced to ash, Thessia made barren, its beauty extinguished forevermore. Each breath she took seemed only to breathe life into those visions, to spur them forward and tear her reality asunder.

Liara strained to close her eyes, shaking the vision away as explosions erupted around her, a terrible sound thundering all around her, as if to warn all of the galaxy that their end was all but certain, to herald forth an era of mass extinction. When she opened her eyes and looked up, she saw hundreds, thousands of strange looking dark ships blanketing the sky of a planet she was unfamiliar with, its architecture far from the sweeping elegant curves Thessia offered. It did not seem to matter, with the sky crashing down upon her, the buildings condemned and soon to cease their stubborn existence. She took in the air around her, dust and ash forcing a cough from her throat, raining debris forcing her to seek shelter.

She ignored the screams filling the world, wanting to grieve for such a colossal loss of life, wanting to pray to Athame for kindness and mercy, but wanting to survive more than that. Her legs carried her though the surrounding streets, around mounds of freshly scorched corpses and relics of lives lost to such terror. Each step she took found fear closer behind her, the stale stench of death wafting across her shoulders as she slid into a nearby window, tumbling down to the floor beneath, her head knocking hard against a nearby wooden crate.

For the first moment in what seemed like an eternity, there was calm. The glow of the sun was different; paler than she'd imagine, but it was a welcome reprieve, if confusing. She got to her feet slowly and noticed a pair of human children across the room, an array of mostly unlit candles surrounding them where they lay; a blanket covered a small child whose red hair fur splayed out across her pillow. The other knelt to the side; long, curly brown locks hiding her face as she clutched the other's hand tightly. Liara couldn't help but startle slightly at how emaciated the two were. _Goddess…_

She took small steps toward them, stopping at a respectful distance, although neither showed signs of having noticed her; both whispering softly to each other, offering the odd laugh or frown. Liara wondered how the two children had survived in such horrible times, how they were able to do anything but hide or cry in the wake of all she had witnessed. She knew she missed her mother terribly and her thoughts of her were only interrupted by an object the redhead raised toward the brunette, its familiarity tearing at Liara's mind. _I have seen one of those before…_

The kneeling girl raised the object into the air momentarily to get a better look at it, offering Liara a look at the telltale scar on the girl's face. Her eyes were duller, sunken and wet from crying; her face thinner from malnutrition, but it was enough of a reminder of where she was, and why she was there. _Shepard…_

Liara felt her cheeks blush in shame for intruding on such a personal memory as the girl's raw sadness washed through the room. She watched her kneel back to face the other girl, close the small brown nut around the laying girl's hand, and enclose it in her own tenderly. She watched the other girl's lips move slowly, each word a struggle, her eyes locked on the younger Shepard's face, whose body was shaking slightly, her head turning away to break the redhead's gaze. The blanketed girl continued, her body wheezing out strained words that only made Shepard's body shake more as she moved to lie beside the other girl, fallen teardrops echoing through the cavernous room.

Liara turned away, not knowing what else to do. She had an idea of what was occurring; an idea confirmed by anguished screams and wracking sobs that sounded behind her moments later. She wanted to turn her head, she wanted to rush over to the girl and hold her in an embrace, to tell her everything would be better soon, that her friend's love would always remain with her, but she knew that Shepard was reliving a memory by how vivid and precise everything was. She hadn't experienced the death of a loved one before, and didn't wish to pretend that any comfort she could offer would be lasting or meaningful. So she sat in her shame and guilt for what could have been minutes or hours, before the cries halted abruptly.

She turned her head, bringing young Shepard into her field of vision. The girl looked pale and scared, slowly moving backward; each step uncertain and unsteadily leading toward the wall behind her. As Liara spun to face the girl, she saw a small body rising from the makeshift bed the girl had died in, but this figure wasn't like the other. It was a sickly grayish blue, vibrant lines spreading across its body, and a deep blue glowing from its blank stare. The remnants of the red hair were scattered across the sheets, the same ones Shepard had taken to sleep in on the Normandy, she'd realized by their patterns.

Liara watched with morbid curiosity as the figure, covered in sores and lumps, rose to its feet and shambled slowly toward Shepard. The young commander stood frozen against the wall, her jaw trembling, her eyes pleading as the figure lunged forward and struck her fiercely across the face, drawing blood from her split lip. The grayish figure seemed to have a pale blue aura around it as it savagely lashed out against Shepard, who stumbled to the ground as a fist slammed against the side of her head.

"I'm sorry!" she heard the girl cry out in anguish as she tried to shield herself against the attacks, repeating the words frantically as the attacker relentlessly beat her into the paved floor. Liara felt compelled to help, but her legs remained agonizingly still, not certain what was real, and what was fantasy. She knew Shepard's mind was unstable from the visions, and she didn't want to disrupt anything and cause further damage. She also couldn't help but wonder whether the girl from before had turned into that, and whether all humans do so when they die. She hadn't come across it in her bits of research, but she knew the asari had their own secrets they didn't publish. She hoped against such a possibility.

From beneath the assault, she saw Shepard's tiny, lithe arms reach up and firmly grab her attacker's head while her legs swept the thing off its feet. In a swift motion she slipped onto its back and, with a choking sob, snapped the figure's neck, its head loosely hanging as it dropped to the ground. Shepard scooted away from it, her heaving sobs and babbled words returning. Liara willed herself to cross the room to the young girl and, cautiously, hugged the girl against her. The touch was immediately reciprocated, Shepard's arms wrapping around her waist and neck as she wept apologies into the crook of her neck. Liara did all she knew to do and simply held her and lightly caressed the girl's head, hands gently stroking through her hair. She felt it bittersweet that her second chance to run her hands through Shepard's hair was in a dream, though it still felt incredibly strange, if enjoyable. She hadn't had much opportunity to experiment in the med bay before Shepard's nightmare had startled her, and she only felt worse in wondering whether the woman was plagued with horrors every night. _Perhaps that is why she has been avoiding sleep…_

The once faded sounds of explosions and screams began sounding closer by the moment, the ground shaking more than before as she realized that specific dream was ending, and the visions were returning. Liara scooped the girl into her arms, a much easier feat than she'd imagined it would be, and carried her over to the window she'd entered through, easing the young girl through and quickly following. She winced at the sheer feeling of terror filling the streets, ushering the girl toward the wall as the building beside them was torn in half by a large red blast, shielding her from as much stray debris as she could. She sensed a small feeling of relief as the chaos lifted for a few moments, only to be replaced by more panic as one of the monstrous ships landed on the ground nearby, its appendages menacingly knocking buildings down in its wake as it traveled slowly toward them.

She felt the girl spin from her grasp and dart down the street, frightened by the screams and that tremendous horn roaring through the sky. Liara dashed after Shepard, surprised at her speed considering she looked like she was made of twigs, and thankfully caught up to her as she slowed to a halt in the middle of an intersection. Liara's gaze turned to look at what Shepard was staring at, and gasped. It was nearly too surreal to take in, a planet or moon rising over the horizon as night blanketed the planet's sky in glittering blackness, casting the ships into invisibility outside of their angry red eye-like cannons.

Liara could feel the tension, the terror emanating from the girl and knew that one person alone couldn't bear such horrors. She reached her hand out and took the young girl's, giving it a light squeeze, like she had before they had found their way to Tevos's home. She felt the intensity of the girl's fright rush through her and immediately focused like her mother had taught her, channeling warmth and comfort against the tide of Shepard's emotions. She pulled the girl into a hug and pushed the visions away, letting her care flow into Shepard like a river, drowning out their surroundings with its light, the terrified screams with the Armali meditation ritual her mother had spoken to her whenever she felt troubled.

After an untold time, Liara heard her words slur as exhaustion encroached on her. She held herself apart from Shepard, now fully grown, and gave the woman a smile. She still looked scared, but there was a determination alight in her eyes as she gave a sad smile and took Liara's hand. The dull ache in her chest blossomed into a steady warmth, as if blanketing her heart and calming it. It was a welcome sensation.

"This isn't your fight. You don't need to do this." Shepard said, her face revealing what went unspoken. This wasn't her home. These weren't her memories. This wasn't her mission, her responsibility. She shook her head kindly at all of the words and looked into the commander's serene, hazel eyes.

"I do, Shepard, and…I will. You are not alone." Liara stated, feeling the last remnants of her energy sifting away. "Now return to us."

She worked the last her focus into easing the closure of the meld, and applying one last breath of warmth into Shepard before she fully left, feeling unsteady even on her knees as she toppled off the bed and onto the floor, unable to keep her balance.

"Liara!" she heard nearby, but her eyelids could only lift a little, enough to see someone kneeling over her nearby. Arms brought her to a sitting position and hugged her tightly, allowing her to assume it was the other human woman, Heather. "I don't know what you did, but I can't thank you enough." She heard whispered to her before another set of hands pulled her from the woman's grasp and to her feet.

"I think Liara needs a bit of a rest." She heard Chakwas' distinct accent, bringing a smile to her face as the doctor walked her somewhere. _I'd like a rest. That would be very nice…_ she thought, feeling dizzy, the dull ache in her chest having returned. "Miss Laurent, please stay with Shepard until I return."

It wasn't long before she was led to what she imagined was her bed, and tucked in comfortably under the plethora of soft sheets. She smiled and hummed in thanks as the lights dimmed and the door closed. _Thinking can wait for later. Sleep…sleep is underrated…_

* * *

Karin sat at the mess table toying with the handle of her tea cup, letting her bag of earl grey saturate the water in her cup, much like she was letting herself bathe in guilt. She hadn't had the time for it earlier when she was busy caring for Murakami, or when she was too busy being annoyed at how Shepard had reacted to her teasing, or when she was busy waiting for Shepard's levels to return to normal after her near-fatal episode. _I should have been more tactful with my words…I was too caught up in the fantasy of an on-ship romance to even consider her mental state after all she went through on Feros, and with the visions likely clearer after whatever it is the asari in the cargo bay gave her…I should have known better. I caused trauma to two nice, young ladies…_

Her attention turned to the quarian over at the food bar, who was still waffling on a decision after at least ten minutes of deliberation. _Three, I suppose…_

Heather had left Shepard's chambers nearly two hours prior, and Tali had arrived in the mess hall very soon afterward. Chakwas had stopped her from going in and seeing Shepard on the basis that the woman needed some uninterrupted rest, and that she had attached a small probe to the woman in order to keep an eye on her just in case. Of course, Tali had demanded access to the program on her own omni-tool, which she felt compelled to provide, if only to make matters easier. She'd told the quarian a number of times that she would alert her once Shepard had woken, but Tali had insisted to be there when she came out of her room, preferably with a meal to feed the woman. It was hard for her not to smile, thinking about how quickly Shepard and Tali had become close; Shepard constantly doted on the young quarian, and Tali always seemed affectionate with her. She had heard that quarians tended to be very expressive due to not being able to see each other's faces, but the engineer often seemed reserved when away from the commander. Chakwas liked the change of pace from the other Alliance ships she'd served on. _A little informality doesn't hurt here and there…_ she mused, smiling as Tali seemed to settle on the box of lasagna, unpacking it and stuffing the contents in the ship's re-heater.

Two beeps sounded soon after, one signaling the food was properly warmed to edible levels, and the other a simple alert that the door to the commander's office was open. Tali became a black and purple blur, one moment in front of the re-heater grabbing the lasagna, and the next in front of Shepard, holding out the food as an offering.

"I…thought you'd be hungry." The quarian said, sounding slightly less nervous than Karin had imagined she would.

Shepard let out a light laugh and gave Tali an amused smile. "You know, coincidentally, I am in the mood for some lasagna, but it's an MRE. I should be eating paste."

Tali merely prodded Shepard with the hot container, and held it against Shepard's chest. "You're hungry…and I made it for you…" Tali said, her attempt in sounding stern woefully inadequate, drawing another airy laugh from the commander. The woman was looking much better than she had, the circles under her eyes not as dark, and colour had returned to her face.

"Really, Tali, I appreciate the thought a lot, I just…we're already probably going to be short on MREs this trip, and…" Shepard began, Chakwas cutting her off as a solution came to mind.

"Shepard, you need a decent meal in you. I'll have the tubes today to make up for it." She noted, drawing both Shepard and Tali's attention. "It's the least I can do after what I did, Commander."

Shepard stood there looking confused, eyes glued to her own. She gave a slow nod eventually, and took the meal from Tali in one hand, pulling the quarian into a hug with the other. "Thank you." She heard the woman speak softly, before making her way to a seat at the mess table. Tali followed suit, pulling some dextro tubes from one of her many pockets and sitting down beside the commander.

Silence hung over the trio as both younger women devoured their meals happily. Chakwas wanted to continue her apology, to let Shepard know that it was unprofessional, and that she would not let it happen again. _I always have to remember that I am a medical professional first and foremost, a friend or acquaintance second. I can't believe…_

"Karin, I'm sorry for blowing up on you earlier." She heard from across the table, stirring her from her own thoughts. She looked up at the woman and cocked a questioning eyebrow.

"It was a reasonable reaction considering your state of mind at the time. I should have considered that before I spoke." She responded, not comfortable letting the commander take the fault she'd spent hours mining into herself.

"No, I should have kept my emotions in check. You were just teasing me a little, and I was immature to do what I did. You don't deserve that. It won't happen again." Shepard added, raising a hand as Chakwas went to object further. "I'm serious. Please don't argue this with me, Chakwas. Let me have this, please."

Karin leant back in her chair and studied the commander's face, perturbed at the woman's insistence. "Only if you'll accept that I, in part, put your life at risk by my actions and inactions." She stated firmly, drawing a baffled look from the woman.

"Uh…what? Chakwas, don't be so dramatic." Shepard scoffed. Chakwas was unable to keep her jaw from dropping at the words, and Tali nearly fell out of her chair in shock.

"Shepard, you could have died!" the quarian spoke, her taloned hand gripping Shepard's forearm.

"I'm pretty sure me vomiting in my shower and passing out isn't exactly a fatal series of actions. No matter how cold the floor is in there." Shepard noted, a mix of confusion and unease flashing across her face. "Am I missing something here?"

Chakwas leaned back forward and tried to collect her thoughts, wondering what, if anything, Shepard could remember. "You went into shock a few hours ago. If not for Doctor T'Soni, you would have suffered severe brain damage. Most likely, you would have died." Chakwas explained slowly, letting her words sink in fully; Shepard's blank stare giving no reaction away. "You remember nothing?"

Shepard was silent for a number of agonizing moments before her mouth opened once more. "I remember passing out and then I woke up feeling pretty great. First night of decent sleep I've had since before Eden Prime. That's it." she mumbled, her eyes darting across the table in front of her aimlessly. "Liara…what did she do?" Shepard asked, her face wincing in expectation of the answer that was clearly obvious.

"She instigated a meld." Karin said, simply. "She was very reluctant, but your friend, Miss Laurent, convinced her."

Shepard's gaze tore away from the table and focused on her, the woman's confusion compounding. "Heather was there? What?" the woman asked, letting out a heavy sigh. "Christ, and it just gets worse…" she muttered, not quiet enough to escape either of the other two's ears.

The commander was quiet for a while, momentarily leaving the table to dispose of the empty lasagna packaging. As she sat down, she took hold of Tali's hand lightly and gave the both of them an apologetic look. "I'm sorry for worrying you all. It seems I have some thanks to hand out, too." She said softly. "Where's Liara now? Where's Heather?"

Chakwas looked over toward the med-bay. "Liara is resting, currently. The meld exhausted her. She will be asleep for some time. Heather as well, as I believe she's on her sleep cycle right now."

Shepard flicked on her omni-tool, scrolling through some menus before promptly shutting it down, letting out another sigh. "Well, I guess I'll have to catch up with them later. Anything else I missed out on? Anything else I should know?"

"I decrypted the data from Feros." Tali piped up, earning a quick smile from Shepard. "There is a lot to wade through, though. Not many things seemed important. There was one notice given to an employee, though…" Her voice trailed off as her off hand looked for the other to engage her nervous tic, its failure to execute distracting her away from the discussion at hand.

"What was it about?" Shepard asked kindly, giving Tali's hand a squeeze before letting go.

"There is some human biotic group trying to set up a new colony in…Hawking Eta? It might be nothing…just seemed interesting because I don't recall many humans being biotics, and they're talking about righting wrongs?" Tali explained, drawing a nod from the commander.

"I'll get a hold of Anderson, see if he's heard anything about it. You're right, there aren't many human biotics, and we're not exactly loved by humanity, so it could be nothing…or it could be something crazy like a new terrorist group." Shepard said, her head cocked to the side as she thought. "Thanks again, Tali."

The quarian wrung her hands nervously as she straightened her posture. "You're welcome Shepard, but…but I'm not just an engineer. I can help you on the ground too!" Tali blurted out. Karin couldn't help but smirk at the young girl's enthusiasm.

"I know Tali, you've proven yourself more than I could have ever hoped you would." Shepard agreed, her gaze shifting to Chakwas. "She's like a sponge, and in a year or two, you might have to watch out for her. Maybe some Spectre potential, here." She finished playfully, though seemingly not in jest, by the reassuring smile she gave the young engineer.

"Thank you, but…I just want to be included more." Tali explained.

Shepard shook her head and stifled a laugh. "Tali, I sent you back on Feros for your own good. I wan't going to risk the chance of you getting hit by acid and going into shock."

Tali's hands gripped the table, her fingers dancing some nervous pattern across them. "I know the risks, just like every soldier. You and the engineering team…you've let me feel at home here, and treat me like everyone else when it comes to that. I just want you to do the same for me when we're on a mission."

Chakwas had seen many soldiers speak similar words over the years. They wanted the responsibility, the glory, to be relied on. There was never an easy answer available. Shepard sat back in her chair and rested her knees against the lip of the table, deep in thought.

"Tali, you know the risks…you're so smart, but…there's a difference between knowing and accepting." Shepard stated slowly, her words carefully thought out. "You have family back on the flotilla, friends…you have a pilgrimage to finish and a people who need someone as brilliant as you to help them to a better future. You're so young, and you never give me the excuse to hold that against you because you're such a fast learner. I'd take you on every ground mission if I could, but I can't."

Tali's facemask turned away from the commander and to some unseen spot on the table. "Why not?" she asked, the two words holding more disappointment than Chakwas would have liked. She could imagine it sounded like empty praise, and recalled many times on her way through med school when she was given similar talks before older doctors kept her out of surgery.

"Because I have to know and accept the risks for everyone. You're part of my crew and…my crew is my family. As small as it is, it's all I really have in this galaxy…so I feel responsible for all of you. You make me aware of the risks involved, and sometimes I can't accept them. You're all much more than just soldiers to me, and... I won't lose any of you to a lack of precaution, or an unwillingness to weigh the odds and the risks against the possibility of success. It was too much of a risk to keep you around on Feros…you specialize in fighting synthetics, and you have a weak immune system that's kept in check by armor. I've seen on Edolus how badly things could go for you when acid is involved, and I can't let either of us go through that again." Shepard explained, pausing to take a deep breath. "I need you at your best, and we have a long way to go. We have a lot more geth to kill. We don't have a gift yet for your pilgrimage. I know it's hard to sit out…it's hard not having you on the field with me, helping out with Chiktikka, but you're too important to me to just…Christ I'm bad at this." She finished, shaking her head and lifting her gaze to the ceiling.

Chakwas couldn't help but feel it was an interesting choice of words, and certainly an unorthodox manner of running a crew, but ultimately she knew the commander was being honest. She didn't have a decade of leadership under her belt, and didn't have all the answers, or a canned speech like her old CO on the SSV Einstein used to spout off. Shepard was far from perfect, and certainly a bit unhinged, but she knew the woman was at least transparent and fairly predictable.

Shepard let out a frustrated sigh, prompting Tali to bring a hand to Shepard's shoulder and gently massage it, quickly exorcising the woman's tension.

"Too many times I've sent my entire crew into suicide missions, too many have died. It's not something I ever want to get used to. It's not something I can write off in terms of numbers…I remember voices, faces…I want desperately for you to live through this. I want to see you, talk to you in ten years' time instead of just having a memory. I'll do anything to keep all of you safe." Shepard spoke quietly, staring at the tops of her hands as they rested on the table. "You're more than soldiers to me. You have lives waiting for you after this. I'm just thankful that Murakami over there will be able to walk away eventually. I'm thankful Garrus is going to be alright, from what I can tell, since he wasn't in the med bay a while back."

"Garrus' arm suffered only moderate damage. It took two hours to heal enough to let him and his stubborn plates go." Chakwas added, drawing a slight nod from the commander. "Murakami will not be fit for duty…for at least two months. I have sent a recommendation to Arcturus that they arrange for a pick up. He has family on the station, and I know many of the doctors there. It would be much easier for him."

"I'll make sure it gets done. I'm sure he's been missing his family." Shepard noted, moving to her feet, Tali's hand slipped away. "I'll just go and take a walk if you don't mind. The report Kaidan compiled said Shiala was in the cargo bay?"

"Yes…she has been meditating since she woke." Tali said, standing from her chair. "I…should get back to work too. Adams is probably worried."

Chakwas watched the two stroll off toward the elevator and went back to fidgeting with her teacup, the drink now far too cold and saturated to drink. She stood from her chair, activated the program watching over Shepard's levels, and walked toward the med-bay. Karin, as well, knew that there was a long way to go until they caught Saren. She also knew that in a decade, she wanted to have a nice conversation with the commander over a bottle of Serrice Ice brandy. She wanted to see what kind of life the woman had waiting after the mission.


	22. Disarmed

It had been too long since Shiala had been truly alone. As she sat against the cold, angular metal walls of the cargo bay, she allowed herself a brief, contented smile as she entered her eighth hour of meditation. She felt as new and fresh as a child, scouring her own memories and finding untainted clarity. Shiala still wasn't certain at all about how the thorian had managed to strip her of her indoctrination; the lightly throbbing headache she'd had throughout her consciousness led her to the idea that her body was still coming to grips with the process. In truth, she wasn't entirely certain she wasn't still indoctrinated to some degree, and couldn't blame the human and turian across the cavernous room for gossiping about her and shooting her glares. She would be suspicious as well had she been in their position.

It was why she was meditating in the depths of the ship instead of by the young maiden's side; she couldn't trust herself enough just yet, and wanted some more time by herself before she decided on what to do beyond pledging herself to Liara. _I am too much of a danger to her? What am I to do with what I know? I…no, I cannot report this to the other elders. Were this a standard matriarch of a house with low or moderate political standing such as my mother, this would not be so dangerous, but if Thessia were to learn that Benezia has fallen, it could destroy the house…it could destroy Liara! No, I must protect her as long as I draw breath. But…how?_

Shiala halted her meditation, hearing an odd sound coming from the elevator. She quickly returned to her thoughts, slumping fully against the wall. _I cannot combat indoctrination…I cannot heal Lady Benezia of the taint…I cannot ask these people to trust me, nor can I ask it of Liara…_ she mused sadly; the thought of having nowhere to turn, no role in the family she'd served through her entire life, was overwhelmingly distressing. There didn't seem to be much point of having a clear mind if she couldn't do what she loved anymore.

The elevator door slid open slowly, Shiala's eyes turning toward the device and the commander exiting it, on a direct path to her. She got to her feet just as the woman halted in front of her and gave a cursory glance toward the large vehicle a few metres away where the turian and the other human were conversing.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." The dark-haired woman said, her voice hard enough to know that she likely didn't care whether she was or not.

"Not at all. I have just finished my meditations for the day." Shiala answered, matching the shorter woman's stern gaze. She wasn't quite sure what the woman was angry about, but she had an idea that she would soon find out.

"Take a walk with me." The commander stated, turning and walking back toward the elevator. Shiala fell into step with the human, who remained silent until the doors of the elevator shut. She watched Shepard engage the lock on the small cubicle's doors and set it to ascend to the next floor. Shiala wasn't sure how many floors the ship held, as she had regained consciousness when she'd reached the ship, where one of the human males had made the decision for her to recover across the room from a permanently disgruntled krogan. It wasn't a decision that had pleased her, but one that she could respect, to some degree.

"Be thankful that my executive officer decided to bring you on board while I was unconscious." Shepard said, curiously facing the elevator's control panel. "In hindsight, I'm not sure I'd have made the same decision. Your full name, please."

"Shiala T'Rohna, if it makes any difference. Although since I was first sworn to serve the T'Soni household, I have only been known as Shiala." She responded, expecting the commander to exchange her own name in a greeting, but she was only met with silence for a time.

"I am aware that I have you to thank for rescuing Liara on Therum. Saren was…not pleased with that result." Shiala continued, not entirely sure why the human had brought her there.

"You can save your thanks. She's evened the tally with me today after that cipher shit you gave me." Shepard said, her voice low, as if it were a warning. Of what, Shiala wasn't sure. "As for Saren…I'm not pleased with what he's been doing, and I need you to tell me what the hell he's up to. That is, assuming you're not entirely indoctrinated still."

Shiala gave a short sigh, knowing what she would say wouldn't please the human. "After the failure on Eden Prime, Saren split many of Benezia's guard from her, assigning us to a number of smaller tasks throughout the galaxy. I was sent to negotiate with a number of small businesses, mercenary groups…at that point I was more loyal to him than the Matriarch…at her own urging."

Shepard finally turned to face her, wearing a restrained scowl that seemed far too intimidating for someone of her stature. "I'm going to need names. As many names as you can remember. Logos, if they have them. Planets, systems, ships where you met them." Shepard stated firmly. "And the next time this ship stops by the Citadel…sooner if you don't cooperate…I'm handing you off to Councilor Tevos to do whatever is necessary."

Shiala stiffened at the words, her eyes narrowing on the commander. She knew what would be done to her in Thessia, and wasn't confident that the councilor would have mercy on her. "I am sworn to Liara's service, the rightful head of the household. I bear no loyalty to the councilor's house. Unless I am charged with a crime…" she started, the human's hands lashing out quicker than she could react to, the force pushing her against the wall of the elevator.

"How about almost killing a Spectre?" the woman seethed as Shiala pushed herself off the wall, striding within mere inches of the woman, both coiled and ready to strike. She was certain the human would find it disappointing that the Thorian was terribly inept at managing her training and abilities through the clones.

"I almost killed Saren, if it makes you feel any better." Shiala growled, earning a hard laugh from the woman.

"So that's twice you've failed in your duty." Shepard noted with a grin. Shiala felt her hand strike out in fury and shame, impacting against the woman's quickly raised forearm with a loud thud. "What, are you going to finish me off? Is this Saren's master plan?" the human added, feinting with a leg kick before Shiala felt a foot trip her just as she was shifting her weight. She stumbled slightly, giving the commander room to recover. _If I were focused…I certainly would not have fallen for that_!

"You're in no condition to fight." Shiala said as her nerves began to calm, noticing how tired the human looked.

Shepard gave an amused chuckle, deciding to lower her hands and lean against the opposing wall. "Had a decent sleep for the first time in a month last night. I'm feeling better than I did against the thorian…but you're right. I'm not in peak shape." The woman stated calmly. "And neither are you. Or Liara, for that matter."

Shiala's eyes widened at the statement, her memory going back to before the knowledge meld with Shepard. She hadn't seen any signs that Liara had been wounded. To have missed such details was distressing, and she felt herself panic slightly.

"Easy, she's resting. And, for the time being, until I'm confident that you're not indoctrinated, your access to her will be restricted." Shepard noted casually, likely having sensed her anxiety. Shiala felt a spark of rage within hersef at the woman's remarks, but doused it. _There is no need for conflict now…_

"You will cut me off from all I have left in this life?" she asked. Shiala wished she hadn't sounded as if she were pleading, but the thought of such isolation was heartbreaking.

"Liara?" Shepard asked, clearly taken aback.

Shiala shook her head and let the word fall from her tongue. "Duty." She knew it was all that was left in her life. The Matriarch had loved her, had trained her to be her first line of defense, the guardian of her only child. Now Benezia was lost, and she was certain Liara would be cold to her after all she'd done. After all of her responsibilities that she'd failed upholding. All that was left was duty, and it remained an empty word she was desperate to make meaningful again.

Shepard stood still, her face twisting slightly as if she were concentrating on something. "You and I hold similar jobs. Until I'm sure that you're clear...you're not to meld with Liara. You're not to be alone with Liara unless given my permission."

Shiala listened carefully to the woman's words, the ultimatum given to her. "And if I break these rules?"

"Then I have a nice airlock to introduce you to. I protect my crew, Shiala. And I know you won't go against those two, simple rules." Shepard stated, turning her focus to the newly green-lit control panel, signaling that the elevator had reached its destination. "You won't, because if you do what I ask, then you'll be free to guard Liara as you normally would, and if you're extra good, maybe I won't send you away to Tevos."

The thought was enticing. Humans had short life spans. It was unlikely she would have to wait more than a year or two to be fully reacquainted with Liara, and such a period of time was so inconsequential that it almost made her laugh. Almost. "How, exactly, will you determine I am not indoctrinated?"

Shepard kept her gaze on the panel, though her lips curled upward into a smile. "Because you're not entirely indoctrinated, if you are at all, which means you likely have free will. And you're smart enough, so I'm sure you can tell what thoughts might be good, and which might not be. I have a comms officer watching feeds of you, and listening to you, on a daily basis from now on. I will sit you down and talk with you occasionally. I will ask Liara if there's anything strange about how you're acting." The woman answered calmly. "I'm going to keep milling away at Saren, and I'm sure there will be times I, as well as the rest of the crew, will be injured. If you're indoctrinated, you'll try to do what Saren would want, and I'll have safeguards in place. You already failed to kill me at my weakest… you were acting on your emotions and trying to hurt me, not some steely determination to end my life. I'm hoping more than you'd probably believe that you're cleared sooner than later. I only ever ask one thing from people who serve with me, Shiala…honesty. That's your temporary duty."

Shiala nodded in understanding, though a question still lingered in her thoughts. "Why exactly are you giving me this opportunity? Why not avoid the risk and send me to the airlock?"

"Because you're important to Liara. Because you're the first person we've come across that's been indoctrinated, and who might have been cured of it. Because you at least know what indoctrination feels like. If I can give Liara an old friend back… and if I can maybe, with your help, figure out how to counter indoctrination …I'd be pretty damn happy." The human noted, finally opening the elevator doors and walking out. "And that just because we fail, doesn't mean we can't learn from it."

Shiala followed Shepard through the ship into a long room filled with beds, only one occupied by another human. "And what lesson would that be?"

The woman sat atop a nearby desk and gave her a sad smile. "You can't just set the galaxy at someone else's feet and not get trampled underneath."

She couldn't help but think back to all the decisions that had led to Saren's power grab. So many were small, avoidable; she knew that while it was rude to question Benezia's judgment, that the matriarch had once trusted her in anything regarding her own protection. She'd had hundreds of chances to deter Benezia from the path she took, to delay her, to have avoided that horrible ship of his. Shiala couldn't help but frown at the series of failures, but took heart in that she had another chance. One that Saren would never have allowed, nor Benezia in the state she was in. She could only hope that Liara would accept her again. She would do whatever was necessary to right all the wrongs she had contributed to.

"If you need to sleep, you can bunk in here whenever there's a free bed. You look kind of tired." Shepard added, and she couldn't help but agree. She'd been exhausted since she woke, and her meditations had only brought her limited focus and energy. A good sleep in a bed seemed like a nice reprieve from the cold, hard surface of the cargo bay.

Shiala nodded and slipped into one of the nearby beds, watching the commander work at a terminal until her eyes decided they were ready to rest.

* * *

Shepard returned to the med bay for the third time within the hour. She first left to have a shower; she'd smelled herself shortly after Shiala had fallen asleep and had noticed she did not smell the freshest. Then she left for the second time because she felt tired and wanted to brush her teeth before bed, not wanting to have arguably the most pungently disgusting morning breath in existence when she woke. However, a stray thought had brought her back to the med bay, at the doors to the lab, where she once again nervously attempted to will herself to enter.

"What the Christ can I even say to her?" she whispered to herself, her forehead resting on the doorframe. It all seemed like a complete waste of time and effort, yet she remained. "What did she see?"

That was the question she needed an answer to, more than any other, and it shamed her. "Not 'what can I do to repay you?' Not 'Are you feeling alright, do you need anything?'…here I am worried she saw something I don't want her to see. Worried…worried she saw Torfan… or THAT." She muttered quietly, feeling herself blush at the mere thought of that dream. She'd recalled what the consort had discussed with her and had realized that her initial reaction to it wasn't healthy, it wasn't helping anyone _. I can like the idea of what the dream was doing to me… how it made me feel. And getting stressed out over it all and taking it out on others isn't helping at all. I can accept it and still feel bad that I was dreaming about Liara. Sha'ira…she said I should be open to affection and communication from other people, but Liara hasn't shown that to me…not like that, at least._ Shepard mused, letting out a sigh. "And I doubt she ever would." She whispered to herself, wanting to cement the notion in reality to curb any wayward thoughts she might have roiling under the surface.

She knew they had come a long way in a short period of time, but there was a great distance between them. At least, she felt there was. _In the end, I'm just a simple human soldier with no education or traditional family, and I could at best open a bakery if I retired. Maybe. Chances are I wouldn't live long enough to see that day…and if I did I doubt I'd be in decent shape. And there are a lot of undamaged people who aren't covered in scars, and who have better bodies, sharper minds, who are more interesting in general. Meanwhile, she's a rich asari archaeologist from an influential family, she's absurdly beautiful, and she's a lot kinder than I am. She's going to live for a thousand years, and I'd be gone in a blink of an eye. Better to look for someone who understands time like I do…humans, quarians…turians are usually too spiky for my tastes. And even then I'd have to find someone who'd be interested in other women, and that's rare… Asari…Christ, why does the most physically attractive species have to live for so long? No point pining over someone like her, not that I am or anything. If I was, I'd be heartbroken right now and a weeping mess for having to face that reality again. Hell, no point in pining over anyone. Just too…too risky._

Her hand moved to the control panel, sliding the door to the lab open, allowing her to step into the pitch black room. She stood at the doorway for a few moments after the door closed, letting her eyes adjust, before she made her way to a nearby chair and sat down by the doctor's cot. She couldn't make out much detail with the lights at their dimmest setting, but she couldn't help but smile at what she saw. Liara was sleeping with her head facing Shepard's direction, allowing her a good look at the asari's serene state.

Her eyes trailed up the asari's head, gravitating to the white ring of freckles on her scalp, at the start of her crests. She couldn't help but admire how they seemed to glow in the darkness. Shepard had wished that Liara would have been awake upon her arrival, so she could get the ordeal over with, but she was enjoying seeing the asari at peace. It was comforting to know that the doctor hadn't obtained the nightmare fuel that had forced her to put off sleep until absolutely necessary, often in hopes that her exhaustion would allow her a deep sleep, that her mind wouldn't have the energy to produce such visions or disturbing dreams. It never really turned out that way. _At least she's alright…and I guess I'd much rather she see something embarrassing and hate me for it than see something terrible. I just hope she didn't see anything too…scarring. She can't have experienced a whole lot of disturbing things in her life, and if she saw the visions…Torfan…Elysium…Eden Prime, even…I wouldn't want that for her. She…should she even be on this mission with me? Am I sacrificing her innocence in keeping her here? Christ…_

The sound of Liara murmuring something in her sleep brought Shepard back to reality for a moment, her chest feeling tight as a familiar sensation fell through her; like springtime dripping its warmth gently into the throes of winter, when the air was warm enough for her to believe it was the first breath the planet took that year. She knew it wasn't wrong to feel it, but it wasn't welcome.

Shepard brought her own hand to her chest and kept it there until the feeling passed, which took longer than she was comfortable with. "Hell…I feel you in my heart, and I don't even know you." She whispered into the room, wishing she hadn't as soon as the words spilled from her lips. _God, I'm tired. Why am I still here?_

She slumped down in her chair, legs sliding out to rest on a nearby crate. _Why can't I just remember? Everything would be better if I could remember what happened…I just…_ her thoughts trailed as Liara turned in her sleep, tugging her layers of blankets tightly against herself. Shepard smiled and closed her eyes, exhaling a tired sigh. _Well…I can get answers later…and maybe I'll remember it in time…no point worrying right now._ She thought, yawning. _Christ, I hope I don't dream…I just want a nice peaceful nap_.

A flicker of a thought slipped through her mind as she started to fade. _Should I fall asleep here? No, I probably shouldn't…_ she wondered, but her effort to get up out of the chair was thwarted by how suddenly comfortable she felt. _Nope. Too comfy right now. I'll apologize to her later…_

* * *

Liara woke to a strangely sweet, familiar scent. It brought an easy smile to her face as she nuzzled further into the sheets and pillow she was resting on, wanting to take in the enjoyable aroma. It was only when she inhaled that she realized it wasn't coming from her bedding. Eyes still closed, too warm and comfortable to investigate at the moment, she rolled over and took in the scent that wafted through the room. It was a nice accent to compliment the end of a very wonderful restful sleep.

Her eyes slowly eased their way open, soon fixating on an odd shape of something near her bed. As she grew accustomed to the dim conditions, her eyes widened, finding Shepard sleeping curled up in a nearby chair. _And appearing…still…and calm…and her hair fur is not tied onto the top of her head._ Liara mused, about to wonder why the woman was in her room when a stroke of logic hit her. _She's just making sure I'm alright, certainly. I am sure Chakwas told her that I was tired after the meld._

The meld. Despite the positive result sleeping in the chair beside her cot, she couldn't help but feel troubled by her actions. She knew she'd made the right decision, but doing so had gone against the very principles that she was taught. Melding with someone without their express permission was incredibly taboo, and for good reason; the mind was a precious thing that contained all of who one was, their memories, their secrets. To invade it without permission was the greatest disrespect, an attack on a person in the purest sense. She knew she wasn't entirely reprehensible in her actions; some asari had used their melding abilities in the past to infiltrate and influence other's minds when they were incapacitated. Benezia had made her train with Nesiiri, to learn how to construct a mental defense against such attacks. The training hadn't been pleasant in the least, although Nesiiri had been kind to her and often treated her to juice and sweets afterward. She knew humans offered little resistance in that regard, and instead simply reacted to melds with discomfort or pain. _Perhaps I should give her something in apology?_ Liara knew Shepard likely wouldn't understand the significance of it all, but it didn't change the growing ache in her chest over what she'd done.

It only worsened thinking about what she'd experienced in the meld. The vision was worse than she had ever imagined, and she couldn't quite tell where they ended and Shepard's own experiences began. Liara had done some research into the woman's military history, finding editorials and articles on Torfan, on Elysium, and a few others that were reported by an extranet site dedicated to tracking her whereabouts. It had been a rather baffling round of research that hadn't painted a pleasant picture of the commander, but it didn't seem entirely accurate. There were so many details missing, and only testimonies from two survivors were used to form the attempts at journalism. Shepard had always seemed, to her at least, to be someone more than willing to speak her mind, yet she hadn't publically made mention of the event. _It makes little sense…silence would only give strength to the other views, seeing as she wasn't a highly regarded individual beforehand. Why would she not give her own report of the event?_

Liara's mind had boggled at the notion that humans distrusted biotics immensely. She'd spent a full night reading comments from colonists, supposed Alliance soldiers, and those from Earth, all painting Shepard as a murderous psychopath, often blaming her biotics for such traits. Coming from a culture where virtually everyone had biotic ability, where it was just as natural as breathing, it seemed too bizarre to be real. _There is still very little that makes sense to me about Shepard's past…_ she mused, deciding finally to leave the warm confines of her bed.

"Lights." She spoke as she stood, the room returning to its somewhat lit state. She would have to ask Shepard if all human structures had such poor lighting. _At least it will not be so bright as to wake her…_ she mused, her thought process halting momentarily as she noticed the woman shaking slightly. She took the topmost blanket off her bed and gently covered the sleeping woman with it as best she could, pausing as she noticed the sweet smell from before was a little more potent. Liara dared herself to lean forward, finding an exposed stretch of skin on the woman's neck and taking in the scent. _Goddess…_ she thought, recoiling slightly. _I do not understand…she…I haven't noticed her smelling this way. At least, I don't think I have…no, Liara, don't be silly. Her…hair fur is damp. She must have some sort of oil that she uses while bathing. Perhaps from a flower from Earth that gives off the scent? It is rather pleasant…perhaps I shall ask Shepard later…_

Liara couldn't help but handle a lock of the woman's slightly damp hair for a moment, noticing the interesting change in texture and thickness, before moving to the nearby terminal and sitting down in front of it. There was much to do. The vision hadn't parted any details that seemed outright relevant, and she'd decided to look through her volume of research for any possible answers. Seeing protheans, even if their forms were somewhat unclear and lacking detail in the vision, even if there seemed to be numerous variations, was fascinating. She quickly got to work on recording her assessment of her experiences in the meld, knowing that within a number of days, her memories of it would fade and disappear. Soon afterward she began scanning her works, starting from the most recent, and working backward.

She wasn't sure how long she had been at it when she heard a familiar, wordless moan, not needing to turn around to realize the commander was waking and stretching. Liara almost wished the woman wouldn't make that noise; it made her feel strange, and the sensation in her chest only resonated stronger. _It is strange, it happens every time Shepard does that, and…it…it happened when I was thinking of her when I woke…and when we were training…Goddess…_ her mind was racing away from her studies to the woman slowly waking behind her. Like a single raindrop causing a glass of water to overflow, it all began to make sense. _I am so dense! Well, it certainly still doesn't make sense, but…I can't recall feeling like this when I'm away from Shepard, when she isn't in my thoughts…but…what does this mean? Has she…passed on an illness to me?_

Liara shook her head, scolding herself for thinking such an absurd question. _No, that is silly. Liara, you will research this as soon as you are able…perhaps a message to Tevos might provide some clarity? Hrm…_

Her thoughts were interrupted by a mane of curly brown hair fur sliding smoothly across her left cheek as the commander leaned her head over her shoulder curiously. She wanted desperately to just play with it, but she knew it was a childish urge, and that Shepard likely wouldn't have found it very amusing.

"What'cha reading?" the woman asked sleepily, obviously still in a post-sleep daze. Liara turned off the terminal and spun the chair around to face the commander. It wasn't often that Liara saw the woman without some form of uniform on, whether it was something more formal, or the Alliance's casual wear. This time around she was a rather snug-fitting, simple black top, which had rode partway up her torso, offering a healthy glimpse of the woman's defined abdomen. Her pants looked to be of softer material, and a much looser fit than what she'd worn during the training session, flowing down to her feet; feet which were covered in some sort of material, making Liara curious for a moment until her eyes scanned back upward and caught sight of a necklace hanging around the woman's neck. As her mind thought back to the small seeds that had been scattered through the commander's office, the woman's voice brought her racing mind back to reality.

"Uh, I'm sorry about…you know, sleeping here. I came by earlier, and you were sleeping, and I heard what you did for me, and I figured I'd stick around for some reason. I'm not really sure why, and…" the woman rambled nervously. Liara felt the urge to interrupt her and tell her it was no inconvenience to her, but her curiosity from before overrode the words she'd wanted to say.

"What scent are you wearing?" she asked, blushing at the mere mention of it, hoping it wouldn't sound as invasive as she felt.

Shepard stood still, looking baffled at the question she'd interrupted her with. "What?" she asked, confusion emanating from the single word. "It's…um…cinnamon buns."

Liara's mind quickly went to work at imagining what such a thing looked like, what colours it bore, what season it grew in. "What is a cinnamon bun?" she asked, eyes widening instinctively from her interest. She enjoyed the scent, and thought that maybe she would have some arranged to be grown in her house's garden.

Shepard wheeled the chair she'd slept in closer and sat down, positioning herself a foot away from Liara at most. The woman shook her head slowly, as if pondering some complex thought. "It's a kind of food. I make it here and there whenever real cinnamon passes through the markets on Amaterasu." She said, her voice only slightly louder than a whisper. "It's kind of silly, but I really enjoy the smell, and it reminds me of home."

It was Liara's turn to be confused, not accustomed to the idea of someone using something not entirely organic as a scent. On asari worlds, the most prized and popular scents were derived from flora, or plants from a number of exclusive lakes that offered extravagant aromas. Food was not something one would consider, given the choice. Often scents were used to promote a mood or reaction, to declare something about the wearer. Her thoughts spun quickly over why Shepard would make such a decision, despite the pleasant scent. None of the conclusions she came up with made sense to her.

"But food is meant to be consumed…are you suggesting through its scent that you want…" Liara began her words staggered as she tried to vocalize some rational reason, and was quickly interrupted by a wide-eyed, crimson-faced Shepard.

"NO!" she blurted out, her face getting strangely redder by the moment. Liara couldn't help but think she should call Chakwas, as it looked like a dangerous amount of blood had accumulated in her face. "No, no, no no…Liara, I'm sorry that you saw…Christ, I'm so sorry you saw that. Words can't express how bad I felt, and…I'm really, really sorry."

The words coming from the frantic woman simply didn't make any sense. "Shepard, I am not certain what you're apologizing for, but I assure you, I did not see anything that resembled food during the meld. If there is some offensive quality to cinnamon buns, I assure you that I would not be able to recognize it."

Shepard slowly spun her chair around, turning her back to Liara, confusing the asari even more when some light giggling echoed through the room.

"I'm sorry, Liara, I just…I've seen some pretty wild things in my life and…uh…I have some recurring dreams and nightmares, and…well, most of them aren't anything I'd want you to see." Shepard explained, turning the chair around as she wiped her eyes. Shepard's face was still tinted pink, but nothing near the dangerous tone of red just moments before. "And as for the cinnamon buns, I don't really wear it for any reason other than I told you. Brings back good memories, and…well, I'm a biotic, I eat a lot. When I have to eat paste for weeks on end, it's nice to remember what tasty food smells like."

"You will have to make them for me sometime." Liara said happily, hoping the buns tasted as good as they smelled, though as she watched the commander's face flush red again, she wondered about her wording. "I mean, I would like for you to make them. Certainly you aren't some servant of mine, and we are certainly not in the best situation to spend free time finding rare ingredients to make food with, let alone if you need special equipment, and…and…"

Shepard's smile only grew as Liara spouted out her apology. "It's alright, Liara. I'd love to make you cinnamon buns sometime. In fact, I promise you I'll figure out a way."

Liara recalled the thin, worn out bed sheets Shepard had been using instead of the wealth she had given her for her cot and shook her head animatedly. "I will not have you go through such trouble for me." She spoke as sternly as she could manage, her seriousness cracking away as the woman across from her gave a light, airy laugh.

"Liara, it's no trouble at all. I love baking, and it gives me an excuse to have delicious food. Next time I find myself in a kitchen, I'll gladly make us some cinnamon buns." Shepard noted cheerfully, her eyes alight with amusement. "But you'll have to be there with me, because they're the best when they're fresh out of the oven."

Liara smiled at the offer; she had always loved fresh food, and her house's chef Gileen would always prepare the most wonderful meals and desserts. She had once thought to learn how to cook for herself, but she had never been put in a position where it was necessary. Even on her digs, she'd order flash frozen meals that she could easily thaw out and re-heat with her mobile oven. The thought of someone like Shepard making something for her was enticing, and would give her a look into human cuisine. Liara knew that given Shepard's upbringing, it wouldn't be the same extravagance that she was used to on Thessia, but it was nice to imagine someone who enjoyed preparing food once again sharing it with her. It was also rather nice recalling her first experience with human food at Zhenaire's. She forced her mind away from the piece she'd fed Shepard, and focused on how delicious the appetizer had been.

Liara nodded, drawing a wide smile from the commander. "Then it's settled!" the woman said gleefully, as she curiously watched Shepard absently clutch the necklace she was wearing. "Maybe there's a place I can rent the next time we go to the Citadel, or…failing that, when we finish the mission, I'll invite everyone to my place on Amaterasu to celebrate."

Liara simply smiled at her, words building on her tongue, wanting desperately to find freedom. She knew it was possibly inappropriate, and that she was prying, but her curiosity had never been easy to contain.

"Where is that necklace from?" she asked quickly, blurting out more words as Shepard slowly looked down at the object in her hand. "If you do not mind me asking, at least. I do not mean to pry, but I swear I have seen it before."

Shepard toyed with the small brown object attached to the thin, chain necklace. "It was my sister's. I think she loved it almost as much as me." she said softly, letting it drop from her hands and hang naturally as she leant forward in her seat.

Liara's mind flashed back to the moment in the meld with Shepard and the other girl, and the conclusion she came to wasn't pleasant. _Of course it isn't…speaking in past tense about a loved one rarely alludes to a happy end. Goddess…they looked so different, but…if she was attacked by her sister…oh, Goddess…_

"Liara…" Shepard spoke, her softly spoken name breaking through the storm of thoughts in her head. Liara looked down at her own hands and saw them shaking slightly, and willed herself to stop them. "What did you see in the meld, exactly?" Her words were gentle, her question's tone made it seem like more of a demand, but that whatever answer she gave would be accepted. She wondered if this was how she spoke to everyone when she wanted answers.

"I saw the vision, and it had merged itself in your memories, I imagine. The architecture was unlike any prothean design I have encountered. I…it was…violent. I panicked at first and ran through this city, away from the carnage, until I found a building to hide in… a window to a lower floor was open. There were two…" Liara paused, wondering how much Shepard would want to heard, how much she herself wanted to recant. The pained look on Shepard's face only made it harder to continue. "I'm so sorry, Shepard."

The commander shrunk into herself slightly at her apology and let out a breathy sigh. "The visions…they're a damn curse. My sister…" the woman spoke, her hair masking most of her face as she turned away slightly. "They took a memory of mine and twisted it. Into something horrific. Hell, it's not the only one they've done it to, but it's the worst one."

Liara nodded solemnly at the explanation, not feeling any relief from the words. "How much of it was real?"

"Everything until she gets up and…and tries to kill me." Shepard stated quietly. "Pretty much every time I've fallen asleep since Eden Prime, I've had to kill my sister. My little sister, who wanted to be a writer when she grew up. She loved fish, when we could get any. Mel wanted to see space and everyone who lived out here, thought it was really romantic. She'd always be upbeat and positive, even when she was dying. Fuck, especially when she was dying."

Liara remained silent, not knowing what to say or do. She wanted desperately to hug the woman and try to make her feel better, but it didn't seem very tactful. The room was silent for a number of moments as they both just sat there under the dim lighting.

"I'm sorry you had to experience it. Between that and saving my life, I'm in your debt, Doctor." Shepard continued, breaking the silence between them, her voice a little harder this time.

Liara frowned, not feeling the commander owed her anything, considering what she had already done for her, and wondering whether the usage of her title meant she'd offended her. "I am sorry you had to as well. She sounds like a wonderful child, and…you both deserved better fates." She said, confused at why she was still allowing the conversation to linger on a topic that the woman found hurtful. She chided herself silently, vowing to do better in the future.

"She's pretty incredible." Shepard stated with a strange calmness, raising her gaze to Liara's as a small smile crept across her face. "And honestly, don't feel too bad for us. When she was around, the world was…it was pretty beautiful. Unbelievably beautiful in its own way, looking back. Yeah, we had our troubles, but it couldn't dull how wonderful life was with her around. Those were the best years of my life, in a lot of ways. So let's just leave the past in the past. And if I'm to believe in fate, it's led me to this ship…and a few new, surprising friendships."

Liara smiled at the statement. She was glad that the commander felt comfortable around her, and while she still preferred solitude to company on most days, it was nice having the woman around. The human's interest in her culture and deportment often led to fun discussions. While it seemed rather transparent that Shepard was trying to figure out how best to approach asari nobles, her enthusiasm for learning was infectious. She still wished the woman would elaborate on why she wouldn't drink Jihliq again, but perhaps her aversion to it was minor. _In the future, I should offer her a drink….perhaps alongside those cinnamon buns she promised…in the meantime, I seem to recall another offer I made earlier…_

"Indeed. I was not certain I would find such an interesting group of people when you brought me onto the Normandy. It has been pleasant to see your crew warm to me, especially Tali and Lieutenant Alenko." She spoke kindly, noticing Shepard's expression change slightly for a split second. _Perhaps she just had an itch. I know I make embarrassing faces when my nose itches…mother would always scold me and tell me to remain calm and unaffected, that I needed to have discipline and self-control. Eighty years later and I still twitch when I itch…it is just too much of a bother to let last!_ She rambled internally, stopping as she realized Shepard was looking at her. Having lost her train of thought, she assumed she had stopped mid-sentence and blushed furiously at her awkwardness.

"And…and I hope you can join me in my morning meditation…at least, whenever I figure out a decent sleeping schedule. With the mission and…your incident…it is a bit off, as is yours, I imagine." Liara continued, earning her a shy smile from the woman. She wasn't sure what Shepard had to be shy or modest about, considering her ability to learn rather quickly. She was certain that within a month or two, the commander would have gained a fair bit more control over her biotics through the rituals.

"I'm pretty excited, honestly. And…well, I know I have a lot to learn." Shepard noted, worry showing on her face during the last of her words. "Shiala's on board now and…well, I've restricted her from being alone with you, or melding with you. Would she join in as well?"

"Shiala? I suppose if she wanted to, I would be fine with it. I am still not quite certain what to make of her and…all that she spoke of. I would not have melded with her until I was certain that her mind was safe." Liara explained, feeling thankful that she wouldn't have to discuss such restrictions with her mentor. She never felt comfortable giving orders to anyone unless she knew they would enjoy it. _I would have been a terrible politician…_

"Sadly, it's the right decision." Shepard said, eyes darting off toward the door. "I'm going to try and figure out whatever I can about indoctrination, and I'm sure she can…"

"Commander?" Joker's voice rang through the room's communication system, interrupting Shepard mid-sentence.

"What is it this time, Joker?" Shepard asked, a low chuckle leaving her mouth as she shook her head in apparent disbelief.

"I've got Admiral Hackett on a secure channel. Can you take it in the comm room? Sounds urgent." The pilot responded, sounding a little confused.

"I'll be there in a minute. Thanks, Joker." The woman stated as the slight static from the room's comm system cut off. Shepard returned her gaze to Liara, giving her an apologetic look. "I've got to go see to the old man. In the meantime, you should go get something to eat and drink…knowing you, you probably woke up, and went straight to the terminal."

Liara blushed at the human's accurate prediction. She knew that time tended to get away from her when she was involved in something.

Shepard leaned in closer to Liara, her head inches away from hers. "Promise me you'll have something to eat? I don't want you starving." The woman added, only half-playfully as her eyes sought Liara's for an answer.

"I promise." She stated, taking heart at the rush of relief that spilled across the woman's face. _As if I would forgo food for days…willingly, at least. Well, I suppose there was that one time while I was writing my thesis…and when I was trying to meet the deadline for the publication of my fourth study…and…_ she mused, instantly forgetting her thoughts as Shepard got up out of her chair; the view of the woman sauntering out of the lab was too interesting to not pay full attention to, even if her legs and hips were obscured.

Shepard looked over her shoulder and casually waved goodbye as she strolled through the door, a frown instinctively stretching across Liara's face as the door slid shut.

_Yes, I definitely need to write to Tevos…_


	23. Defenses Down

Presrop was an unfortunately barren wasteland, and it wasn't surprising to hear that Major Kyle had assembled a number of unfortunate people on the planet. It had been one of the planets that Kyle had brought Shepard and a number of others to for training exercises back when he was her CO. He'd since apparently spiraled into an unfortunate state due to his supposed PTSD and made the unfortunate decision to execute or kidnap two Alliance representatives who had been sent to meet with him. The whole situation was just unfortunate. There were no other words to describe it.

Shepard stepped out of the Mako and made a beeline for the small complex, grumbling to herself over how Hackett had dismissed her concerns. She knew Kyle had been luring desperate, disenfranchised human biotics to his compound, and she wanted assurance that they would send a ship to collect them, and that they'd treat them well. Hackett's vague response hadn't made her feel any better about the situation. I've got unstable 'Father' Kyle, a bunch of loyal biotics who are strangely following Kyle around, and potentially Alliance command to deal with. Lovely…

The idea of her former commanding officer creating a biotic sanctuary seemed surreal to her. He'd never shown any biotic capabilities, and while he'd always enjoyed being in a position of authority, he had rarely ever actively manipulated people. If Kyle has an end-game in mind, I can't see it…he's campaigning against the Alliance, saying human biotics should congregate and fight back?

She knew the Alliance's hands weren't clean in the matter of biotic training. They'd worked with Conatix, after all, and had done some fairly terrible things to biotic candidates in their orphanages and their programs. Combine that idiocy and mistreatment with how much society hates and ostracizes us in general, and you get a group of people wanting validation, safety, power…he's an ex soldier…I get why they're here, but Kyle? Why him?

She reached the door to the building and tapped at the old, half-broken communication device nearby. I doubt he shelled out the money for this…probably an abandoned pirate nest. Not hard to find them on these kind of planets. Hard to imagine the Alliance feeling threatened by someone all the way out here, no ship in sight. Why was I sent out here? I doubt it's to take Kyle alive and get him help…Christ…

"This is a private sanctuary. Outsiders are NOT welcome here." A voice crackled over the building's comms. Shepard shook her head slightly at the man's tone and pressed the buzzer again.

"I need to talk to the man in charge. It's important." She stated firmly, releasing the ancient looking buzzer.

Once again, a voice came over the comms. "Father Kyle wants nothing more to do with the Alliance!"

She let out a sigh, feeling aggravated by the sinking feeling in her gut more than the responses from the compound. "Look, I don't want any harm to come to any of you, but two people went missing here and I just want to talk to Father Kyle and get this whole thing cleared up." She said as nicely as possible, holding the buzzer down again. "Tell him Shepard's here to see him."

A silence hung over the comms as she stood by the door, waiting for a response for nearly two minutes. Finally, the familiar crackle of the speakers came through. "Father Kyle will speak to you. He'll meet you in the building at the far end of the compound."

Shepard looked around the area, looking for any other building when a small steel box caught her eye. Oh come on…an underground lair? Kyle…seriously…

She signaled over to Wrex and Kaidan that they were good to go, and watched them quickly leave the vehicle as she approached. The trio cautiously made their way to the opening, and she could have sworn she heard Wrex curse. The hatch led to a small decontamination chamber, big enough for maybe three humans at a time, and possibly three quarters of a krogan. It took nearly ten minutes to wrangle Wrex and his armor in and out of the room, and when they all managed to finish up, the welcome party of a half dozen angry-looking human biotics didn't improve any of their moods.

Shepard looked around and saw that the compound was tidy, if a bit empty, and the people seemed to be somewhat well fed, though she was sure that without some form of outside funding, they would run out of supplies quickly. This just doesn't seem like Kyle…he was meticulous! He planned everything out…he'd be better than this. She thought, unable to stifle her confusion as she removed her helmet.

She ignored the grumblings of the man's followers as she strolled through the compound; Shepard knew they were no threat to her, Alenko or Wrex. They were no soldiers, they were unfortunate souls given something at birth that permanently branded them as suspicious and deviant. She knew that under different circumstances, she could have easily been one of the people in the facility. It was only tremendous greed and disgusting ambition that had sent her down a path away from that sort of helplessness. She wasn't going to thank Cerberus, but she did learn how to defend herself through them. If Kyle was doing one thing right, it was trying to help those people, but she was certain that his way wasn't the right way to bring human biotics better fortune. It'd only lead to bloodshed…I'm not convinced it's not how this will end, either…

The journey ended at a slightly reinforced doorway, leading into a larger room; benches were lined up diagonally at the sides of the room, facing a large seat at the far wall where Major Kyle sat, looking rather perturbed. Around him were a number of the biotics, huddled nearby as if the man would keep them safe, fire in their eyes to let Shepard and her crew know that they wouldn't give him up without a fight.

"The Butcher of Torfan." The man said with a sneer, slowly rising from his chair. "Why have you come here, infecting the walls of this sanctuary with your presence?"

Shepard gave a low laugh; she'd always found the man's flair for the dramatic to be amusing. It was one thing that seemingly hadn't changed in recent years. "I got your message, Major. Second-hand, true, but I was pretty interested. Being a biotic and all." She remarked somewhat playfully, wondering whether or not her bait would reveal if his ego had just grown, or if it was something else.

"You were never welcome here, Butcher." Kyle practically spat the title at her. It had never been one she agreed with, that matched her version of reality. Nevertheless it had been popularized when Kyle and one of the gunnery chiefs that had survived, Krauss, had attached the moniker to her in their interviews. She had never imagined two people could have had such an effect on her life yet they had. She recalled the months, years it took her to win over the people of Middlesex, the town nearest her home out in the forests and fields of Amaterasu. It's still an ongoing battle, really, but…I try…

"Well, fortunately for you, I invited myself. Otherwise, the Alliance would have set up a nice, healthy orbital strike to clean up the mess you made." Shepard teased, enjoying the look on his face as his eyes widened in anger. "Yes, you know how the Alliance is just as much as I do."

Kyle's arm stretched outward, his index finger pointing sharply at her. "Yet you're still a part of them!"

"I signed up for a reason, Major. Bureaucratic fuckwits or not, I swore to protect and serve, in that order. Now I just do it on a galactic scale as a Spectre." Shepard responded immediately, knowing her allegiance would be questioned along the line.

"And here I am protecting those the Alliance will not. Why can't you people leave us alone?!" Kyle asked angrily. The biotics around him were becoming notably restless, making her glad she'd taken two biotics with her. She was more worried of them breaking something from being poorly trained than potentially causing her and her crew harm, but if a show of force was needed, she thought a little biotic trickery could nullify them all.

Shepard couldn't help but laugh at the statement. "I wasn't born yesterday, Kyle. You've been blaming all these people's hardships on the Alliance, and from what I gather, you've been putting some plans in motion to attack? Not the right answer, Major. Not the way to protect these people."

The man stood still for moments, his conviction cracking slowly but surely, despite his rage. Kyle retook his seat and gripped the armrests tightly. "And I am to take lessons in protection from you? The Butcher who led good men and women to their deaths?"

"There were hundreds of innocents, Kyle." She grit out slowly. "I had them do their duty as an Alliance soldier. We weren't leaving that base until either we or the batarians were dead. You know that." She felt the bile rise in her throat as memories of the mission returned to her. She swallowed it back as best as she could while the Major continued his rant.

"I do know that they rewarded you with a Star of Terra for your efforts, Butcher. Tell me, was the glory worth the bodies you stepped on to gain it? Do you even remember their names?" Kyle pressed on. She knew he was just trying to tear her down, but it didn't change the effect it had on her.

"Of course I do! Hanlon, Jorgensen, Dreger, Santana, Liston, Watts, Banjara, Beauchamps, Oliver, Reynolds, Hounsou, Hinds, Zahabi, O'Keefe…and those are just the ones I took on the final push, but I know them all. I didn't want that damn medal, it's in some waste station somewhere near Arcturus. If you find it, you can have it. I wanted them alive when we walked out of there." Shepard spoke firmly, a face flashing in her mind as she listed the names of those in her makeshift platoon.

"But they weren't and your actions…your actions damaged human biotics irreparably!" Kyle shouted at her. The backlash on biotics after Torfan was minor, but still hurt Shepard to think about. She didn't want others paying for the reputation she alone could bear. "Look around at these people, Butcher. They're here because you gave them no other choice! Because you began the witch-hunt, wanting all human biotics to be slaves to the Alliance!"

She worked to calm herself, memories of nicer times flitting through her mind; her autumn afternoon in the orphanage's yard with her sister as a child, the vidcall she'd had with Faridah when her friend had graduated, the dinner with Liara at Zhenaire's. Just calm yourself…why are you here? Focus.

"Is that why you killed the two Alliance representatives?" Shepard asked, her voice low and steady. "I'm here to try and get you out of trouble, Kyle, but you're making it hard for me."

Kyle let out a laugh and scowled at her. "I did what I could to make their end quick. I had no other choice, they were going to abandon this sanctuary, they wanted me to turn my back on my children! They spoke blasphemy! I don't need what the Alliance is peddling. I have my own protection now."

Shepard was taken aback slightly, looking around the room at a number of skittish looking people, itching to be let loose on them. "Well, it's certainly not these people, you wouldn't put them in harm's way. So who exactly is helping you? "

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Kyle asked rhetorically, taking pleasure from Shepard's frustration. "They're interested in giving human biotics the power and control over their lives that they deserve. They know these people are the most advanced humans… that they shouldn't be shunned, but instead, seen as icons. They are my children, and I will keep them safe."

Shepard held her tongue at his words, a familiar name on the tip of them urging to breach the air between them. There were only two groups she knew of that worked in humanity's interests, and the answer was maddeningly simple.

"Cerberus, then." She stated as casually as she could manage, ignoring his expression as she pulled up a program on her omni-tool and typed away on it. After a number of moments she raised her head and gazed toward a pack of the biotics. "You all do realize that Cerberus was running Conatix when Jump Zero was operational. They organized eezo exposures over communities…especially ones of poor, unwanted children, knowing no one would care."

"Those are lies! She will leave you helpless!" Kyle shouted, but the man received more than a few questioning looks from his mob.

One of them, a waifish raven haired woman, stepped forward, looking over the trio warily. "Is what you said true?"

Shepard looked to her side and noticed Kaidan giving her a sidelong glance. She returned her gaze to the woman, cutting off the major as he went to speak. "It is. I grew up in one of their experiments, along with a number of other starving orphans. They did tests on me, killed hundreds of us in an attempt to make us stronger with a second exposure to eezo. I had just turned thirteen." She spoke, her confidence growing as more of the biotics looked to her. If Kyle was going to use Torfan against her, she would use her childhood against him. "They let my sister and I wither in the streets, starving and dejected by society. They had people hunt us, beat us. I had to watch my sister die because it was the only way they could get me to agree to further experiments, to their 'protection'. They tortured me. When I rebelled after finding out who they were, what they did, they tried to kill me. These are not the people you want protecting you." She finished, stepping toward the woman. She knew that many of the people in the compound had endured terrible life experiences, that many had likely been shunned by those who were supposed to love them the most. It was a pain that she imagined never really dissipated. She couldn't bear the thought of Cerberus tricking them like they'd tricked her. She couldn't bear the thought of them being experimented on after coming to a sanctuary to have a better life. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

"Don't listen to her, she's lying! She's the Butcher of Torfan, she helped them tear you down!" Kyle demanded, but a sea of eyes had fallen upon her.

"I know you've had hard lives. I know what it feels like to be hurt, to be hated. And I never wanted what happened on Torfan to hurt any of you. I know you're all desperate for a better life…I can't promise you that, but I can promise that Cerberus will only see you as tools, resources to be used up and thrown away. You don't deserve that." Shepard stated softly, hoping that her words weren't falling on deaf ears. "I have a shuttle inbound in a few hours for pickup. It's Alliance…and I know you all hate them, for good reason in many cases…but as a Spectre, I have some authority to wield. I can pull some strings with people who owe me some favours, with people who accept me even if I am a biotic, and find a way to get you a new start. It wouldn't take much to find you land on Amaterasu or Drasta, and I'm willing to help in whatever way I can."

The woman looked back to the others, and then to Major Kyle, who was glaring fiercely at Shepard. A number of others stepped forward warily, leading the woman to turn back to the commander.

"And what about Father Kyle?" she asked timidly, obviously somewhat attached to the old soldier.

"I'll pull some strings and get him some help, and away from Cerberus. If he comes willingly, that is." Shepard replied quickly and calmly.

Much of the biotics moved away from Kyle, prompting him to stand, activating his omni-tool. "You…you would do this to me after all you've done already?!" the man asked, drawing a puzzled look from her and Alenko. She gave him a shrug and turned her gaze to the major.

"I'm just trying to protect them, Kyle. I know you are too, but Cerberus are dangerous. They'll hurt them." Shepard said slowly, uncertain about why the man was activating his omni-tool. A light hissing sound filled the room, and it only took a moment for Shepard to realize what Kyle had done. He'd rather kill them than let me help…than see me as anything outside his goddamn Butcher character…FUCK!

"They told me you'd try to enslave them! I won't let you, Butcher! Their blood is on your hands!" the man yelled, coughing. Shepard was already corralling the biotics down the narrow aisle toward the exit , which Alenko had already hacked open. Shepard quickly looked around the room, noticing most of the people were lacking any environmental protection. FUCK!

She put her helmet on the woman she'd been talking with and activated the seals, holding her breath and her nose closed as she raced the group through the compound, the civilians one by one falling to the nerve gas. She held back tears as the air stung her eyes, as the deaths stung her heart.

She inhaled desperately as soon as they reached the decontamination chamber, Alenko and Wrex patiently waiting outside as Shepard and five others crammed themselves into the space. Five out of maybe three dozen…damn you Kyle! She thought, slumping down against the wall, tears streaming down her face. Shepard felt her fist slam repeatedly into the wall behind her, but it was no use. She couldn't do anything to help the dead. I must be cursed…I try to help people and…there's never enough alive in the end…Christ…if I'm trying to save the damn galaxy, what's going to be left of it when I'm done?

Can I keep doing this?

"A hundred credits says Wrex went on a bloodrage and jumped on every single one of them." Joker's voice took on a cocky tone in her earpiece, fully confident in his bet. She didn't quite buy it. The past ten minutes had led to some wild, perhaps morbid, speculation over what had happened down on Presrop; Shepard had called in the number of survivors and casualties, and requested that a number of extra sets of armor with environmental seals be brought in when they were picked up. She hadn't sounded happy.

She also asked us to do the pickup instead of the SSV Stockholm, which should be here in a half hour at most. Don't know what her rush is…think she'd be tired of this place by now…

"Joker, I doubt Shepard would let him jump on people. I'll take that bet." Heather noted with a smile, thinking up another silly bit of speculation to pass the time as the ship made its way into the planet's atmosphere and to the compound. It wasn't easy looking at the number of dead on the report, and she found something of a kindred spirit in the pilot, who reacted to tragedy in a similar way. She wouldn't make jokes about everything, especially if those she was close to were hurting, but it at least helped her keep emotional distance from everything else. It was easier to laugh and pretend everything was fine than to let herself feel that loss. "I bet you a hundred credits that Alenko broke out into an Elvis routine and accidentally gave all the biotic women, barring Shepard, a fatal heart-attack." The man was attractive, or at least she thought as much of him, but his uncanny resemblance to the historical pop culture icon was too good to pass up sometimes.

"I can actually see that. Heard him singing in the shower once. Sounds more like a Springsteen, he'd probably send people into shock, or maybe just make them endlessly pump their fists in the air." The pilot chuckled, though his light banter was quickly forgotten as she recalled the incident with Shepard. She'd always thought herself notoriously difficult to rattle, but seeing her friend slipping away had shaken her to her core. It had taken a long time to fall asleep, even after having confirmation that Shepard would be fine. Heather couldn't help but hope that the overarching mission wouldn't have any more moments like that. I'm not sure I could take going through another night like that…if Liara weren't there to help…

She shook her head at the thought, muting her headset's microphone, feeling like she had a little more room to breathe, to think about something other than that. I wish Shepard were better at Catan…She lost all four games this morning. Who tries to win with a sheep monopoly? I swear, it's all she's tried to do since last year at my place when Faridah challenged her to win with stupid, useless sheep. Though it was a nice change of pace, and she was in an alright mood until Hackett called her away again…

"Uh, I think we might have a problem, Heather. Might want to get Chakwas down to the cargo bay." Joker spoke over the comms, forcing her to activate her headset again.

"And you can't tell her…why?" Heather asked, not terribly amused at the thought of the crew needing the doctor. She began flipping through her open programs, searching for the crew's hardsuit readings.

"We had a bit of an incident last time. Apparently she doesn't like being compared to wizards, or being told she should grow a beard." Joker said jokingly, as if such a suggestion was perfectly reasonable. "Think of what it would do to crew morale! But no…no, she just moved my next appointment up in schedule. Not cool." He finished, as Heather stared at the crew's readings. What the hell is going on?!

"Do we have any hostiles marked out down there? Shepard's taking a bit of a beating right now!" Heather called out to the pilot, confused as anything over what could happen after the mission had been completed.

"I've got Kaidan, gimme a sec." Joker replied quickly, an unnerving silence building as seconds ticked by without answer. She wasn't used to covering combat missions. She wasn't used to anyone having more pain inflicted on them than a papercut or a stubbed toe. It all served to make her progressively more nervous. She breathed a sigh of relief as the slight hum of Joker's channel came over her earpiece. "It…uh… Shepard's duking it out with Wrex."

Heather froze at his words, recalling the massive krogan from the cargo bay. She had never seen krogan in action, but she'd heard things. Bad things. The pit in her stomach grew as he dropped her head into her hands. It was all getting to be more than a little exhausting.

"Fly faster, Joker." she spoke, too worried and tired to put any energy into the words.

It wasn't often that Liara was angry, and even rarer that she let it show. As a child, her mother had told her it would be unbecoming and childish to let anger control her so, to put it on display as a characteristic of House T'Soni. Thus, it had been forbidden within the view of the public. While the sound of her mother's voice repeated through her mind as she waited for the elevator to reach the cargo bay, it only spurred her anger further. I may never hear my mother's voice again if Shepard goes and gets herself killed! What…Goddess, what was she thinking?!

Word had spread throughout the ship quickly that the commander and Wrex had fought, which was already confusing to Liara. She'd known the two had got along well, from what she understood. That their fight was recreational only made her head spin further. It was baffling to believe the commander would put her life at risk to play fight. She couldn't fathom any reason to do so, and it only increased her fury. Her fury, and the deepening, persistent ache in her chest.

The door slid open and her eyes immediately traced a path to the woman, standing by the weapons table with Gunner Chief Williams. She stepped out of the elevator, pacing near it, working up a series of statements she wanted to make the commander understand. Needed her to understand. Liara noticed Shiala approach beside her and halted her pacing momentarily. It was a habit of hers when she was feeling anxious, often deep in thought, and even though she had been separated from Shiala for over a decade, she knew the commando would be able to read her quite clearly.

"Is there something troubling you, Lady T'Soni?" Shiala asked, concerned as always for her well-being. She wasn't in the mood for bearing titles she didn't want, but she was too worked up over something else to care enough to correct her.

"The commander almost got herself killed!" Liara whispered angrily at her old guardian.

Shiala took a brief look over at Shepard and then back at Liara. "She is fine now, though. The krogan certainly didn't look any better when they arrived." The commando told her, none of the words dousing the flames of anger inside her. "She would not let herself die when on such an important mission."

Liara scoffed at that, taking a look at Shepard. The woman's bruised, swollen face was visible from across the cavernous room. She hadn't seemed to have made a serious effort at avoiding damage, incensing Liara even more. Ignoring Shiala's light protests, she marched toward the woman, fists down at her sides clenched in anger. As she neared, she heard the two women speaking casually about one of their grandfather's. Ashley's she assumed, knowing Shepard's background.

"So I don't want you thinking you have to make up for someone who didn't deserve to be treated like he did. Don't go throwing yourself into the flames just because it might make some bureaucrats think more highly of you." Shepard spoke, giving the marine a pat on the knee before turning to Liara. If the commander had sensed Liara's temperament, she hadn't shown it, but Liara could only hope the woman was keeping a cool façade and knew the trouble she was in. "Hey, Liara. Can I help you?"

The woman's nonchalant manner of speaking instinctively narrowed Liara's eyes as she watched Williams slink away cautiously. It was only when she became aware of the blue glow around her that she understood the woman's movement. No matter, if it helps Shepard take me more seriously…

"Not if you're dead." Liara grit out, drawing a brief, surprised look from the woman.

"Uh…what?" Shepard hopped off the weapon bench where she'd been sitting and to her feet.

Liara only closed the distance further, moving within an inch or two of the woman. "What in the Goddess' name inspired you to pit your life against a krogan battlemaster's?" she spoke, her words hurried and steely.

Shepard, to her credit or misfortune, didn't seem affected and merely shrugged. "I had promised Wrex a sparring session. I got it out of the way, I learned a bit from him. Everything's fine." The woman said, turning her gaze away from Liara to somewhere else in the room.

Liara took hold of the woman's face and pulled her gaze back to her, not nearly finished. "Do not treat me like a simpleton! You just so happen to decide to spar with Wrex after a mission where a number of lives were lost? One related to Torfan? You were angry!" Liara asserted, finding a strange enjoyment in the commander's intense glare. She needed the woman to understand. What specifically, she wasn't certain yet, but she knew getting a reaction was a first step.

"Damn right I was angry, but it's taken care of." Shepard said, a low, warning tone to her voice which Liara instantly dismissed. It was Shepard walking away that she couldn't. You will NOT walk away from me, Shepard! She thought, storming after the human, who was striding quickly into the elevator.

"Am I to take comfort in the childish manner of which you solved your 'problem'? Someone called you a name and you decided that throwing a tantrum and being self-destructive was the solution? Wrex could have killed you!" Liara yelled, furious at the stubborn woman. She ignored the appreciative grunt from across the cargo bay and kept her eyes locked on the radiant, blazing hazel eyes of the commander. She heard the elevator doors enclose them as the machine activated.

"I wouldn't let him do me in, Liara. I've fought krogan before." Shepard stated, vehemently denying her accusation.

"You expect me to believe you when you obviously still cannot stop a krogan's fist, despite your history." She retorted, earning an incensed look from the commander,

"Just shut up, Liara. You've probably done more research on the effects of punches to the face than you've experienced them. I don't need you telling me what my body can and can't do." The woman growled, though the attack on her profession was meaningless. She wasn't aware of anyone who studied the effects of punches, in specific, to the face. Krogan fists against human faces seemed even less likely. She wouldn't even spend the time later to see if there had been a study done.

"The same body that you refused to listen to as it withered away? That I had to rescue?" she asked, prodding the woman in the chest with each question.

Shepard spun away, resting her hands against the elevator walls at it continued its groaning trek upward. "That's not fair! I was fine before the cipher…making my mind more prothean might…you know…hurt my brain? Put me in danger?" the commander reasoned, but Liara couldn't accept the lack of focus she was placing on her state before the cipher.

"You looked exhausted! You WERE exhausted, and your body was already at its breaking point. It is only just now starting to recover, and you decided to put your life at risk foolishly!" Liara yelled, sounding louder in the small confines of the elevator. The control panel flashed green as the elevator came to a surprising halt. She was not sure how the thing had managed to make its ascent so quickly, but there Shepard was, evacuating it quickly, assuredly heading to her room. Liara once again chased after the woman, who shot a disgruntled look over her shoulder at the asari as she reached the commander's office.

"I get it, you're angry at me. You don't agree with what I did. Why are you still following me?" Shepard asked, sounding more frustrated than angry as Liara walked in and positioned herself in the center of the room.

"I will keep talking and following you until you realize that there is a galaxy at stake." Liara spoke, each word tinged with the fury roiling inside of her.

Shepard, in one swift motion, pulled her chestplate off and flung it at the wall, a sharp crack sounding through the room. "I KNOW!" Shepard yelled, eyes closed and knuckles white as she gripped the nearby table's edge. "I'm doing my best!" the woman continued, stripping off more pieces of her armor until she was clad in her bodysuit.

"You're not being your best, though!" Liara retorted sharply, drawing a wince from the woman. She took no pleasure in it, but merely hoped she was finally getting through to the woman.

"It's a lot harder than you think it is, Liara." Shepard said, her voice now dulled, as she began unzipping her bodysuit. Liara turned away, giving the commander some privacy as she went to change.

"Then enlighten me." Liara asked, perhaps demanded. In return, she received only a sigh and the wet rubbery sound of the bodysuit hitting the floor.

"Shepard?" she asked, frustrated at the lack of response. A light click and the faded sound of running water followed her words. When she turned, Shepard's armor was all that remained, the woman having escaped into the shower. "We are not done speaking." Liara muttered, sitting down on the end of the woman's bed.

Liara hadn't planned on Shepard escaping into the shower, and wasn't sure what to do. Her heart was racing, the feeling in her chest felt as if she were sinking as it throbbed deep within her core. She wanted the woman to realize she had to be serious about the mission, but she wasn't sure to what end. She didn't know exactly what she wanted Shepard to do, but putting herself in danger seemed to be a terrifyingly horrible idea that she couldn't stomach. Liara was certain that Shepard was the best chance of her getting her mother back alive, that she was as good a candidate as any to find and eliminate Saren. Do I really need to be so harsh with her? Am I merely letting my fear lash out at her? I… her thoughts were interrupted as she went to lean back on the bed, her hand brushing up against something hard in the process.

Liara looked behind her and spotted a strange rectangular block of solid brown material, wrapped in a plastic sleeve. She picked it up, looked it over, and opened the seal to take a smell. Immediately, her eyes bulged at the aroma the block gave off, surprised at how delightful it smelled. She was certain it wasn't an air freshener by how it was sealed, despite the woman's apparent joy for smelling of food, and decided it was indeed edible. Cautiously, she brought it to her mouth and took a small bite, savouring the rich, creamy texture and the vibrant, sweet taste of it. I must obtain more of this! Or…perhaps a recipe so I can create it myself…she thought, taking a larger bite.

The food distracted her for a number of minutes as she slowly milled away at it, her mood calming down to her usual temperament. The ache in her chest continued to throb as she thought of what she'd done, and the position she'd put Shepard in. I should not have been so mean…I should be helping her through her trouble, not just condemning her for reacting a specific way. I…was just so worried for her. I was worried for mother…I would not be able to save her alone…I need Shepard's help.

She knew that while those were the main reasons, her motivations branched out further, adding fuel to her initial frustration. She'd wanted to be taken on the mission when Shepard had restricted the ground team to biotics. I had wanted to accompany her on the mission…it was seemingly minor and…and I felt I had earned her trust. Perhaps I took it personally…Kaidan and Wrex are far more experienced in such matters. I should not have expected a place at her side. Perhaps…I was simply trying to get a better glimpse at her past, and was upset when I was denied…I do let my curiosity rule me at times…

She gave a sigh, biting off more of the tasty food as she chided herself. She knew that the woman's encounter with an old ally from Torfan would result in more than someone 'calling her names', as she'd stated previously. She knew the commander was still affected by the mission, and despite knowing that, still attacked her in such a way. I will have to apologize to her later, I should not have…

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds from the shower halting, the door cracking open just enough for a slick arm to fish a towel from a nearby pile. Her words of apology held in her throat as she watched the woman slip out of the tiny space; to Liara's fortune the woman was facing away from her, patting herself dry with a second, smaller towel as the larger purple-coloured one wrapped snugly around her torso, its lower boundary cutting off tantalizingly on the upper reaches of her thighs.

Liara felt the rich brown food rest against her lips as she silently took in the sights of the woman, humming some unknown melody to herself, bending over at the waist to dry off her legs. Her eyes widened, her blush deepened, and her teeth bit into her lips slightly as Shepard's towel rode up past her hips; offering Liara a full look of the commander's most enticing features, in her mind. Goddess… she thought, mouthing the words absently as Shepard unfastened the towel from her torso and began using it to dry her hair fur, exposing a terrible network of angry-looking scars stretching from the woman's shoulders down to her lower back. By the Goddess…

She hadn't heard herself gasp, but she must have, as Shepard blurted out some unintelligible slur, losing balance and tripping on a towel in her shock. Liara watched the woman slip on a wet area of the floor, tumble to the ground amidst her armor, towels, and change of clothes, and look up at her in disbelief with wild eyes.

"What the fucking Christ! Do you…" the woman raged, untangling herself from the mess of towels and tossing on a sleeveless top that did little to hide the woman's favourable assets. Her hazel eyes were blazing like the time she had refused treatment in the med-bay, but her anger and tension quickly dissipated as she looked at Liara, seemingly baffled at the asari. "Are you eating my chocolate bark?"

Liara realized the food resting against her lips and nervously took another nibble and glance, giving a slight nod as her eyes darted away in shame. I shouldn't have taken a bite but…Goddess, it smelled so good! And it tastes so good! Oh, I've made such a mess of things! she thought, sealing the rest of the food up and hurriedly placing it beside her.

From the corner of her eye, she watched the woman silently clean up the mess near the shower stall and slip on a garment that hardly covered the area it was designed for. She wasn't about to complain, her gaze turning ever so slowly to observe her, but merely felt like questioning the efficiency of it in comparison to the skin-tight gym-wear that had covered from her waist down to her mid thigh that one day. This piece of clothing just seems…frivolous…unlike the clothing covering her upper body that…rather compliments her…quite nicely, I might add…

She forced her gaze away as the woman finished her work and slowly made her way over to the bed, sitting lazily beside Liara.

They sat in silence for a time, though not without Liara struggling to find a question that would promote discussion once more. She sensed that she'd hurt the commander and did not wish for such pain to linger. However, she also felt that she was right in questioning her actions, and didn't want to outright apologize and promote such reckless behavior.

"How did you get your scars?" she asked quietly, her hand pawing at the chocolate's packaging, wanting desperately for another bite.

"That's really none of your business, Doctor." Shepard said flatly, her hands resting on her knees as she slightly leaned forward, her hair fur hiding her face from the asari.

Liara's first reaction was to press for more details. It was rare that her curiosity couldn't be sated, and she didn't quite like being denied answers. Her mind kicked in for a number of seconds, changing the demanding retort she'd had on her tongue. "You…people…can only take so much abuse before they break, Shepard."

"I've lived a long life, Doctor. People have said that to me before and I haven't met my boundary yet." The woman practically sighed, her body still as a statue beside Liara. She couldn't help but wish Shepard would call her by her name again. They had enjoyed a wonderful time together just a day prior, and she'd since changed their relationship, for a lack of a better word, for the worse. "It was just a spar." Shepard finished, sounding more than a little defeated, which confused her. She wasn't sure why the woman wasn't lashing out angrily at her for acting as she had, for remaining in her space. It was Shepard's ship, and she knew she had no right to be where the woman didn't want her.

"I don't care about the spar, Shepard. I care…I…" she fought for the words she wanted to say, but she wasn't certain what she was trying to say.

"You care about me saving your mother so you two can go live happily ever after. I know." Shepard interrupted, a slight edge to her voice this time. Despite the woman's statement being accurate, it wasn't what she'd wanted to say. Or, more accurately, all that she'd wanted to say. She just wanted Shepard to be alright. Liara was certain that if she was, then everything else would fall into place. Yet, as days passed, some of those other concerns held less and less priority.

"That's not fair. The reapers and Saren are a threat to everyone." Liara argued, Shepard finally moving somewhat, her head dipping slightly in a nod.

"And it's a damn large burden. For some idiotic reason, they chose me to bear it." The woman spoke, startling Liara somewhat. She imagined Shepard would be pleased to take on the mission, rather than upset.

"You were chosen for the same reason you were made a Spectre, Shepard. You're a hero." She said kindly, hoping the compliment would brighten the woman's mood, maybe bring a smile to her face. Instead, a cold laugh filled the room as Shepard's body shook.

The woman turned and faced Liara, her face still glistening from the shower, offering a disappointed frown. "If you believe that, then you're the childish one who needs to grow up, Liara."

She quirked her head to the side, confused over the woman's assertion. "Shepard, I have seen you in battle, I have seen your determination, your skill, your commitment to protecting lives where possible. I have…read about your actions in Elysium, and Torfan, and some other missions, and…" Liara began, her voice cracking to a halt as the woman turned away once more.

"You read up on me?" Shepard's words bore frustration Liara could understand. As if reading her mind, the woman continued, her disappointment quite audible. "Why didn't you wait… like you said you would?"

Liara felt a barrage of thoughts race through her mind, wanting to control whatever damage she'd done to the best of her ability. "I…I did not want to make a fool of myself in front of you, and I…I was curious. I was not sure you would tell me everything if I asked."

"Of course I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't ready." Shepard spoke, her words more pained this time, which only caused a terrible pang of guilt in her chest. She'd never wanted to hurt Shepard. Liara lowered her eyes to her lap; she also didn't know how to make it better.

"I…I only meant to tell you that you were chosen for good reason. On Elysium, you were on vacation…no armor, no weapons, and you still performed great heroics. You…" Liara rambled out, unsure of what to say, and merely letting words spill out when they came. Shepard interrupted her train of thought, moving off the bed and across the floor, pacing in front the table on the other side of the room.

"You need to stop using that word." The woman spoke slowly, her face often hidden behind the curtains of hair fur, only slightly coming into view as she pivoted. "Heroes are fairy-tale crap."

Liara's eyebrows perked up, not understanding what a fairy-tale was, but understanding what fecal matter was and how the word was used by humans to depreciate or invalidate things. She slowly made her way to her feet and, step by step, closer to the agitated woman.

Noticing Liara had moved, Shepard stopped and shook her head, a small grin curling at her lips. "And now you're curious and want to know why. Of course. Who am I to refuse?" She said in annoyance, chiding herself for luring the asari in. Shepard shifted her gaze directly into Liara's eyes, urging her for a response. Liara simply nodded sheepishly, spurring her into motion as the woman closed the distance between the two, moving within inches of her.

"Heroes, Liara…people assume heroes are these glorious and honourable avatars of their race, their species, their culture…that they have great morals, great reasoning abilities that allow them to use their skills to protect and better those they're fighting for." Shepard said, her breath hot against Liara's face. Liara remained silent, taking a step backward away from her, only for the human to match it, retaining the distance. "Those heroes don't exist outside of stories, tales for children, and propaganda. They're not real."

Liara took another step backward, not understanding why Shepard was standing so close, and was again closed in upon by her. She continued her slow path backward as the woman continued her explanation, her rant. "The heroes in those stories don't have to bury their friends or loved ones personally. They don't watch their friends melt from acid, they don't watch them be burnt alive. They don't have to visit those friends' families and explain why they're still alive and their children, siblings, parents aren't. They don't have to apologize for living." Shepard continued, her eyes blazing like Liara had never seen, impossible to break contact with. "Reality's a bitter pill, and behind that hero façade, those 'heroes' might not have friends and family to return to, to fight for. They don't always have bright futures to fight for, a happy ending like all the stories give people with their title. They don't always leave the same person as they came in."

Ever so slowly, they moved back into the recesses of the room, Shepard seemingly growing closer, her head leaning ever so slightly forward. "People assume there are these majestic heroes, they assume what these heroes are like, and they thrust that title on anyone they see fit. These people aren't expected to be hurt, damaged after going through hell, but most of these people…most of them are only called heroes because they survived." Shepard continued, putting emphasis on the last word, matching another of Liara's steps. "They were the lucky ones. Maybe they tossed aside their morals to stay alive. Maybe they let their friends die, maybe they refused to help because it was too dangerous. Too risky. Maybe they were selfish. Maybe they let their morals get in the way. Maybe they left that horrific event mentally broken, but heroes aren't expected to have to pick up the pieces, are they? They aren't allowed that luxury."

Liara felt the back of her legs hit the bed mid-step and fell back onto the mattress and sheets, looking up as Shepard loomed over her. She could see the hurt and the anger on the woman's face clearly. She'd heard it in her voice and she'd seen it in her eyes, but she hadn't noticed the fear until just then.

"Heroes, Liara, are pushed back into the fray, into harder missions with less preparation and support, because heroes aren't seen as real. People always expect them to endure, they're more symbolic than anything. They achieve victory and it's undermined with the entitlement of their superiors, as if it were a sure thing, as if it was no trouble to achieve. Their lives are whitewashed with something called 'greatness', and if they fail, they're spat on and degraded from their final effort to live up to those impossible standards that ultimately became them." Shepard continued, tears brimming at her eyes, her body shaking slightly. The woman's gaze was the only part of her that held its resolve as her words softly spilled out. "Their lives from being made a hero and onward are covered up as something other than what it really is. A rotting corpse waiting for the death rattle of the reaper to catch up. There's no cure for that disease once you've caught it, except death. I just don't want to be reminded of that every time I look at you. Not you."

Liara looked up at Shepard for a while, staring into the pain that filled her hazel eyes, not having anticipated such an outlook from the woman, not having expected the emotional response she'd received. She wasn't certain how long she'd held the gaze when Shepard slowly turned away and plopped down on the edge of the bed nearby, running a shaky hand through the wet curls of her hair fur.

"So I guess you've read the stories, you know what happened, you think I'm a hero." Shepard muttered in annoyance. "You don't know me."

Liara sat up on the bed and shuffled toward the woman. Her heart pounded as she placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder; she'd listened to the entire rant, she'd learned more about the woman by staring into her eyes for the past few minutes than in any other condensed period of time, and she wasn't about to take such easy bait. Or, perhaps, I will…Liara realized, as she swiftly pulled Shepard down onto her back and held her there.

"You won't allow me to. You won't allow anyone." Liara said firmly, straddling the woman and holding her arms behind her head for the brief, half-hearted struggle Shepard put up.

The human lay underneath her, staring up at her with confusion and what seemed to be embarrassment, blushing furiously. It took a great deal of willpower for her to move her gaze from a distracting piece of hair-fur draped down into the woman's cleavage. Impulsively, Liara pushed her weight on Shepard, using the opportunity to free a hand and lift the hair away, placing it off to the side; she gladly took advantage of the situation to selfishly re-adjust the article of clothing that had been pulled slightly out of place by her maneuver. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable and the last thing I would want is to damage this nice shirt of hers… she thought, as she shifted her eyes back up to the hazel set she'd been so focused on before, and her hands back to the woman's arms. "It…it's better that way. What's in my head should…should stay there…people like you don't need to see that." The woman said dismissively, but there wasn't enough conviction in her voice to convince her. She sounded far too distracted. Her breath was labored slightly, making her suspect the woman wasn't quite telling the truth, and was just as bad a liar as she was.

"People like me?" she asked with mock curiosity, swiftly applying singularities to the woman's hands to hold them in place. Shepard's face took on a crimson tint, her eyes glancing away nervously as Liara brought her hands to the woman's face, wiping thick strands of the hair fur aside that she assumed were lying uncomfortably across Shepard's face. "If calling you a hero is naïve, then so is calling me innocent, Shepard."

The human let out an expletive she'd never heard of before her teeth bit down on her lip, turning her head to the side as she seemed to be gathering her thoughts. Liara pressed on, leaning closer to the woman. Her hand reached down, gently took hold of Shepard's head, and pulled it back to her; her thumb absently stroking the woman's scarred cheek. "You may not be proud of what you did on Torfan, but do not let it be used in destroying you." She spoke softly, enjoying the calmer expression on the woman's face. She didn't want Shepard to be hurt by the past, and was hoping she was doing some good in helping her realize she didn't have to let it anchor her.

"Liara…" Shepard started, eyes half-lidded and head arched slightly closer to hers. Liara watched the woman's face expectantly, waiting for her to find what she wanted to say; after a moment or two, the woman's eyes opened slightly and seemed to find some clarity before darting off to the side nervously, her throat swallowing back her words for a moment before continuing yet again. "I'm… fine with what I did on Torfan. That…that's the worst part."

To say the words were surprising would be putting it lightly; Liara's focus on the singularities fizzled due to shock, letting the humans arms drop slack against the mattress, curiously not moving to a more comfortable position. She sought out the woman's forlorn, half-lidded eyes for an answer and received none. She looked to the woman's bruised, swollen lips for a response and, after a delay, was sated.

"You should understand, Liara. You spent your life studying the protheans, and then I came along. One freak accident later and most of your life's work was made irrelevant." Shepard sighed, her downcast expression and her body's strangely increased tension underneath her showing it was something that the woman had thought about more than once.

Liara pulled Shepard up into a sitting position, moving her hand from the woman's cheek to the back of her neck as she repositioned herself in her lap; she couldn't help but pause midway as her thumb grazed the corner of Shepard's jaw, sending a visible shiver through the woman. She made a mental note of it and began a light massage of the tight muscles on her neck, bringing the other hand to the back of Shepard's scalp and gently putting her hands to work within the thick mane of hair fur. She'd seen up close how it had relaxed Shepard at Tevos' home, and decided the woman had dealt with far too much tension that day. It took only seconds for her to be satisfied with her decision, seeing the woman's eyes close reflexively; a light, wordless moan escaping her lips as Liara worked out the knots and gently caressed her scalp.

"I admit it was slightly disheartening to know that some of my research was now less useful, or rendered entirely obsolete, but I took heart in knowing that what I thought about the prothean's extinction was correct. No effort is ever entirely wasted, Shepard." Liara spoke softly, taking a moment to take enjoyment in the fact that Shepard was comfortable enough with her to let her administer a massage. The woman had, not long before, been quite opposed to touch from any asari. And I have helped her overcome such discomfort…perhaps with help from Sha'ira, I imagine, even if she was callous in her methods…she has opened herself far more quickly than I could have ever hoped. The thought brought a smile to her face, which only widened as Shepard's forehead softly pressed forward gently into Liara's, the commander leaning fully into her touch as she continued her ministrations.

"And what do you think about me, about what I might have done? Are you willing to put it at risk to satisfy your curiosity?" Shepard asked, seemingly trying to sound serious, though Liara's touch had reduced her voice to something of a purr. She had never heard the woman speak in such a way, and she couldn't help but blush at the slight effect she was having on Shepard.

Liara had never particularly enjoyed all of the lessons and programs and gatherings her mother once arranged, meant to shape her into a future leader of the asari; the idea of holding such power and authority seemed stifling along with the expectations and responsibilities involved. Her disinterest had been rooted in that as much as how dry and superficial much of it seemed. She'd trusted her mother to navigate that terrain with grace; her mother was a strong enough asari to add life and wholeness to such a position. She had never believed herself capable of anything remotely close to such an experience before, yet there she was, holding power over the galaxy's newest Spectre. A small, subtle power, perhaps, but power nonetheless…and with just touch and some massaging. Humans are interesting…

"What are you asking of me?" Liara openly wondered, drawing another satisfied moan from the human, whose hands tenderly, timidly grasped Liara's waist and the small of her back, and pulled her closer.

"I'll show you Torfan if you want." Shepard whispered, her voice still purring but breathier that time, her eyes opening and immediately finding Liara's. She paused momentarily, taking in the woman's radiant irises; all their shining browns and sea greens were more vibrant than she could recall.

Liara stopped her massage, bringing her hands to cup the woman's face gently, putting inches of space between them. "Are you ready? Are you sure?" she asked softly, earning a small but resolute nod. "Is this what you want?" she asked finally, receiving a slower nod after a delay.

Liara brushed a few newly fallen curls of hair fur out of the woman's face and took a deep breath, returning a hand to Shepard's cheek once more as she closed her eyes. If I witness something awful, I will only have myself to blame…please let myself remember that when the meld ends… she thought to herself, caressing the woman's cheek a few more time as she prepared herself for what she was about to undergo.

She opened her eyes, meeting a pair of determined hazel orbs with her onyx-black ones.

"Embrace eternity."


	24. Sisyphus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content Warning: There will be some pretty gruesome things in the Torfan flashback. If you feel like avoiding it, skip to the next section further down the page. I can give you a recap over PM if you'd like, without such details**

The first thing Liara felt was apprehension; whether it was from Shepard's feelings over doing the meld, or Shepard's feelings about the mission, it was near overwhelming. Liara wasn't unfamiliar with the sensation, though she was surprised to feel it from the woman. Shepard, to her, always seemed sure of herself when in battle, and she felt confident enough that Shepard was content melding, so it was confusing. She didn't have much time to ponder the reasons for long, as she watched herself and a number of other soldiers quickly hopping out of the shuttle they'd been riding in, charging into nearby cover as Shepard's voice rang out, giving orders and coordinating an attack. It was strange to be seeing and experiencing the memory through the woman's eyes; it was generally the most common, but she had enjoyed the freedom of simply wandering in the woman's mind during the previous meld, and hoped she would be given the same opportunity. She couldn't feel too disappointed though. _This is Torfan, one of the defining moments of Shepard's life! I will hopefully see, in part, how she came to be who she is today…_ she thought with a smile, as the woman began pushing forward toward a large, very defensible looking building.

For a number of minutes, the amount of detail was maddening; gunfire was erupting from seemingly every direction, Shepard barking out order after order, each a slight change from the last as more of her platoon were held at bay and pushed back. Liara tried to focus on what others were saying on the commander's earpiece, but it was so difficult to pay attention with all the chaos around. She heard loud voices, screams, explosions, and felt as Shepard's heart raced, aching with each beat. There had been an encroaching sense of dread, which only spiked as four words were called out over comms.

"Kyle's unit is down!" she heard, Shepard recognizing it as Santana, one of the medically trained soldiers in the company.

"Get him out of there and back to the LZ, this mission went to shit even before we got here!" she heard Shepard call out over comms, covering her platoon as they fell back, placing distance between them and the enemy's defenses as she provided cover fire.

Liara watched as people slowly fell back to where the shuttles had once been, seeing fewer now than there had been before as they all took cover further from the facility. Shepard was cursing up a storm as gunfire raged in the distance, stopping as three men stumbled toward Shepard's platoon, stray bullets blazing past them. Shepard scrambled over and Liara felt worry coursing through the woman's veins. She recognized, through Shepard, one of the men as her commanding officer, Major Kyle; he had fresh burns over his body and much of his armor had been demolished.

"What the fuck happened?! We need to arrange for pickup, Kyle!" Shepard called out over the sounds of war.

"They overran us, the bastards! I…lost so many. They killed so many! My nephew…oh God, my nephew!" Kyle ranted, his focus seemingly shifting from one thing to the next with little attention to detail. Both Liara and Shepard's thoughts meshed at the same time, realizing the man was shaken, nervous, anxious. _Broken._ She felt emanate from Shepard.

"What happened?! Focus, Major, we need to know what to do next!" Shepard demanded, grabbing a hold of the man's singed shoulders. Kyle winced and momentarily gave her a glance.

"We need to leave! I…they were supposed to be a slave ring, but…poorly defended. Low quality weaponry…they had enough…God, Norman! Shit! Shepard, we need…did you call everyone back to the LZ? We need to get back to the LZ!" Kyle spoke, his words frantic. Shepard grabbed his face and gave him a look over; soon shaking her head and turning away.

"Santana, I think he's pretty concussed. See what you can do, I'm going to radio in for an evac." Shepard said, tapping at her earpiece a few times. "Flores, we need you back here, we got ambushed. Holding them off for now, but they've pushed us back. Get us out of here!"

Shepard moved over to a nearby stone barrier, drawing an assault rifle and firing off shots at some entrenched batarians while she waited for a response. It came after nearly a minute and two heat sink overheats.

"Negative, Lieutenant. We're not clear for a pick up." She heard crackle in over her left ear, a wash of confusion spilling over Liara from the words.

"What do you mean, negative? Flores, you're a fucking all-star, you've done worse ones than this, get down here!" Shepard demanded with more than a little edge to her voice.

"Brass says it's too dangerous to risk any more resources. I'm sorry…you're on your own right now until you can make some progress down there. We've been recalled to the hangar." The man on the line said, drawing a number of expletives from Shepard's mouth.

"What the Christ? We scouted out a safe fucking hiding spot for you all to sneak off to until we needed pickup! There's no reason to be brought back space-side, patch me through to them. Now." Shepard growled, anger rushing through her, and more than a shred of fear. Liara had a bad feeling about what was happening. Nothing had seemed to be going to plan at all. It was almost comical how poorly organized the mission seemed to have been, but the deaths were no laughing matter, certainly.

"They'll only speak to Kyle, you know that, so…get him to try and maybe they'll listen. Flores out."

Shepard fired off a few more rounds, her aim wildly inaccurate from such a range, and then stormed back to the Major who sat appearing dazed as Santana looked him over with an omni-tool.

"Shepard! We need to leave! They…killed them! I…oh God they all burned, I heard their screams, my nephew's screams! I…we need to get…Shepard, we need to leave!" Kyle rambled, slurring slightly. She looked up to Santana who shook his head gravely.

"Serious concussion, not helped by his panicking." Santana noted slipping to the side as cover a few feet away erupted. "Any luck?"

Shepard shook her head and grimaced. "He's the only one they'll listen to. They took the ships back to the hangar…we're being hung out to dry until we can salvage this."

"What?!" the medic exclaimed, his bushy brows lowering into an intense glare. "They were our contingency plan if things went south, we need them here!"

"Alliance says it's too risky, which…well, it's risky, but we're not getting in there like we planned. They've erected defenses and entrenched themselves…the blueprints we planned this mission out with are either old, or intel was leaked a while ago. I'm thinking both." Shepard grumbled, pulling up a map on her omni. "All three entrances we had planned are too fortified. Our LZs aren't guarded by anti-air…at least not good anti-air, but they've got some turrets set up that could and are doing damage. We're not walking into any of those. We need to plan this out again."

Santana looked over to Kyle, who seemed to be shielding his eyes from the sun, looking to the sky for something. "Goddamnit!"

Shepard moved in front of the Major and tapped away at the man's earpiece and omni-tool, patching him through to Flores. "Tell Flores to patch you through to the Admiral, alright Major?"

Kyle looked at her with a dull expression and began rambling again about the fire and his unit burning. She saw the connection establish on the omni-tool, but Kyle wasn't responding to it. He was just rambling, and he was getting angrier.

"Get the damn shuttles here ! We…we need to get out of here!" the Major finally ranted, and she noticed the transmission was quickly forwarded to a new frequency. Shepard hated seeing the Major like that, Liara sensed. Prodding a little, she only was able to sense fondness for the man, and sadness over his state. "Shepard, you get that damn Flores kid over here, we have to leave!"

"What are they saying Major?" Shepard asked, copying the transmission contact data for future reference. Kyle only repeated his urgent wish to leave, and it wasn't long before the communication with the Alliance was cut.

Liara felt Shepard take a deep breath, exhaling slowly as apprehension once again found a home in her. "Santana…Kyle can't lead like this. You know that. You can see that." The woman spoke in a low tone, eliciting a slow nod from the medic, who turned to Kyle. "You know what you need to do."

Santana gave the man another look as he activated his omni-tool again. She listened, pained, as the medic called the man unfit for duty, the action passing command of the mission over to Shepard, the next highest ranking officer. She looked down at the man with sadness and turned away, feeling heavier with burden.

Suddenly, it was night-time, which was a jarring experience; a blink of an eye and a setting change. She understood that perhaps spending a full day or two in a meld wasn't feasible, and was comforted by the thought that the commander was looking out for her health.

Shepard slowly crept forward alongside four others; she could nearly smell the tension between the group as they began scaling the facility, Shepard directing the others to certain scouting positions as they reached the next story. She watched Banjara set the charges on a nearby wall, hoping the six other teams were doing well in their parts, hoping that the remainder were holding the batarians off near the landing zone. Shepard had given new orders, establishing small fire teams for guerilla tactics; weakening defenses of the facility and keeping the batarians off balance until they could find and shut down at least some of the building's power. Liara watched the memory through Shepard's night-vision, and imagined they would gain an advantage over less equipped batarians in the darkness.

At least, she hoped as much. They had been at the process for nearly three hours and had managed to slowly whittle down the batarians with minimal losses, if one were to reduce everything to numbers at least. Having a sight-based advantage over the batarians would provide a greater chance of victory than the slim one they had. She knew Shepard had merely wanted to whittle the batarians enough to push their defense back, letting the shuttles come for pickup, but from the attacks she had been witnessing, they seemed to have the slavers on the run somewhat.

The explosion that came mere seconds later was minor; enough to break open the wall, but not enough to erupt it. It had been slightly less audible than she'd imagined as well, watching as the team cautiously entered the makeshift doorway, hopping down into a narrow, dingy hallway that smelled of urine. Shepard signaled with her hands for Banjara, O'Keefe and Hounsou to check ahead of them, while she and Zahabi headed in the other direction, weapons cautiously raised as alarms continued to sound from a prior attack.

The two crept along the corridor, a potent stench overwhelming their senses, only getting stronger and more horrendous the further they traveled.

"Got a line down to the power core here, Shepard. Got Banjara working on getting his VI in there. He's not sure how much control he can sap remotely, but he's confident he can take this local network…maybe a fifth of the building." She heard Hounsou whisper over the comms. A worried thought flashed through Shepard's mind, that they hadn't encountered anyone in the current venture. Liara could feel the tension slowly building in the woman as she continued down the hall.

"Sounds good. Once you two take care of that let me know…we're getting close to something over here I think, and I would have expected trouble by now. Something's up." Shepard spoke, her voice clear and quiet as she and Zahabi crept along, her watching ahead, and Zahabi watching her rear.

Shepard compressed herself against the inside wall as they neared a corner, signaling Zahabi to cover her as she darted across the gap, noticing no one guarding the minor hall and the entrance at the end of it. Slowly, she rounded the corner and Zahabi fell in beside her, moving ahead slightly to hack the door as they got close. Liara wished she had a nose to plug as her senses seemed on overdrive, and felt Shepard give a slight jerk as her gag reflex acted up momentarily.

It acted up again as Zahabi took manual control of the door, opening it halfway slowly, the pungent stench wafting out of the dank chamber they'd accessed. Ignoring the smell as best as she could, Liara focused on Shepard's view, noticing minimal lighting, plenty of organic waste, plenty of cages and plenty of occupants; the conditions seemed brutal from what details she could take in, Shepard's head furiously looking around the room, taking in details quicker than Liara was able to keep up with. A sound halted the woman's gaze and brought it to her left, further across the room where a batarian stood, making noises that brought a boiling nausea through Shepard, quickly replaced by a fury she'd never expected from her.

Shepard quickly made her way into the waste-filled room, many of the caged crying out, making noise, distracting the batarian just long enough for him to stop the vile act he was forcing on one of the human slaves. Watching Shepard do a charge in the field of battle was one thing, but the sight of being in one place one second, and another before a blink of an eye was wild. She'd always wished Shiala would have taught her the technique.

Shepard's charge landed her a foot or two from the batarian, still stunned and slightly unaware, silenced viciously as Shepard impaled her knife deep in his neck with one hand, using her other to shield the slave woman from as much of the blood as she could manage, before kicking the batarian to the ground. Her eyes traced the smallish room for another guard but found none. Just cages and cages stacked on top of each other; none of the slaves allowed to stand, only allowed to rest on their hands and knees. There were mostly humans, but asari and turians were visible as well, all represented across a plethora of age groups. The amount of abused, wounded and frightened children staggered Liara's mind. It all seemed unfathomable.

Liara had heard of the severity of the batarians, and once balked at the cruelty she'd heard of their practices. Though slavers didn't speak for all batarians, their cultural history of slavery had quickly been cast in a much different light for Liara. She had always expected something closer to what the asari would often arrange; a member of a lower house being sent to serve one of the higher houses in order to create alliances, in order to benefit both sides in some manner, whether financially, socially, politically, or in any other manner of ways. It was never truly slavery, Liara felt, although culture would often prevent any asari from declining such a duty. _But we would always treat the members of other houses as our own…I love Shiala! I love Nesiiri! They are like older sisters to me…_ Liara recalled, embracing Shepard's despair momentarily. _This is not how I would treat my sisters…I would not treat my worst enemies in such a horrible way!_

She watched through the woman's eyes as Shepard approached a small column of cages nearby, kneeling at their entrances as all but one of the slaves scurried as far from her as possible. Her eyes drifted down and held the gaze of what may have been a turian woman; her green eyes shone vibrantly in the dim lighting, though there was little reason for it from what Liara could see. The plates of her exoskeleton had clearly been ground down and shaved away to the tender, raw skin beneath; her body shook ever so slightly as blood dripped down her scalp from where she imagined a batarian had shaved too close, the torn flesh on her forehead masking her face in blue. Through all the blood, the only clear areas on her face were the lines on her cheeks that her tears had washed clean. Shepard's vision blurred alongside a sharp wave of sadness, muttering expletives she would have blushed upon hearing. Her eyes blinked the tears away as best as could be done and Shepard gently took hold of the cage, her eyes never leaving the broken turian's.

"I will get you out of here. We're assaulting the base and…and it won't be long now. I promise, you will see Palaven, or Digeris, or wherever your homeworld is." Shepard whispered softly to the turian, who merely blinked her eyes, wincing through the action. "Give us a few hours to take these bastards out. We'll be back, I promise. I promise."

Liara wasn't certain the words were entirely for the turian as Shepard stood and moved back to the door where Zahabi waited, slave woman in tow.

"What do we do with her?" the marine asked Shepard, sadly gesturing to the withered, bruised, terrified looking girl who grasped the wall as if it were going to fall away from her at any moment.

"We keep the door unlocked and closed. We don't have anywhere to take these people until we get air support, and I don't think this one's going anywhere. Each cage is locked, no one's going anywhere for now. Including her." Shepard noted quietly, Zahabi nodding in turn as they slunk out of the room, the slightly fresher air outside a welcome relief.

As they turned the corner, the environment changed yet again, this time with Shepard moving swiftly through a corridor, joining a battle in a moderately sized lobby. She tossed a grenade hard through the air as gunfire from Alliance troops pushed a number of batarians to retreat, their bodies splintering into shrapnel from the explosion as they were intercepted by the hail mary. The last minute seemed to take hours as Shepard and the Alliance soldiers pushed up through the lobby and left only one batarian retreating from where he came. Shepard quickly signaled soldiers to guard the entrances, and the engineers to send out drones to prevent flanking attacks or any other nasty surprises the slavers may have had in store.

Her hand was up to her ear immediately, tapping in the code for the Alliance frequency she'd had difficulty negotiating with the entire night. It was nearing daybreak, and Liara knew if they wanted their advantage to fully hold, they would need to finish the job soon, or leave. She hoped they would finish it. Leaving the slaves they had found to such a fate seemed monstrous.

It only took moments for the Alliance comms officer to respond, quickly linking her through to Rear Admiral Steeves. Liara felt an undertone of confusion as the memory played, and dug deeper into the meld; just enough to find out what Shepard was possibly thinking. To her dismay, she was only able to grasp that the man seemed very much a stranger to her. It was always a difficult process to derive full sensory data and past mental processes; Matriarchs and matrons were often capable enough at their advanced ages to do so, but Liara felt some strain from the endeavour. She didn't want the meld to end due to her exhausting herself. She wanted to see it through to the end.

"Lieutenant Shepard. I assume you have progress." The man's gravelly tone filled her left ear, the man's nonchalant tone irking Liara. While she had only been given glimpses of the mission, it seemed worthy of more personal investment than apathy.

"We've pushed them back into the inner ring of the facility. Our engineers have isolated power sources and have gained control of all external wings. We've lost a lot of people, but we have them holed up…they have nowhere to go. I need you to get the shuttles down here so we can bring the injured, the dead and the slaves out of here. The landing zones are fully secure and under Alliance control." Shepard stated calmly, patting a passing soldier on the shoulder.

The silence on the other end seemed to last minutes as they waited for a response, most of the soldiers in the lobby keyed in on her, waiting for some word of what was going to happen.

"We've gained intel in the last hour showing the possibility that the facility may have explosives rigged to it in case of an organized slave escape. We can't risk the shuttles, Lieutenant." The rear admiral spoke, his voice a little more stern from what Liara could pick up. She felt Shepard's confusion melt into rage as her eyes grew wider.

"I repeat, Rear Admiral, we have control of the facility! Our live scans have shown minor explosives in slave chambers, which have been disconnected and removed from the area!" Shepard practically yelled, incensed at the man's rejection. "Your intel is bad, just like the initial intel was bad. We need those shuttles down here!"

"Lieutenant, remember your rank when addressing me. One more outburst from you and I'll have you stationed in a control center on Mars so fast that it'll make your head spin." The man continued, his voice still unnervingly calm. "I'm transferring an access code to your omni-tool, Lieutenant. Send our communications team your scans of the facility. If the facility is deemed safe, then we'll get you and your soldiers out of there. The rest will be taken care of once you're aboard."

Shepard stilled her tongue for a moment as she transferred the data to the Admiral's comm team, not enjoying the man's choice of words in the least. She dialed back the rage in her voice as much as she could, despite it burning as strong as ever within her. "Taken care of, sir? We have some soldiers needing medical treatment, but the slaves are all in dire need as well. They have to be a priority, sir. We could use some reinforcements to further secure the facility so we can spare bodies to get those slaves free. We only have one medically trained officer left, and we could use a number more to help expedite the process."

There was a brief pause this time, though the communication link was still active. Liara could hear the faint sounds of other voices in the background. "I would if I could, Lieutenant. We don't have any to spare, and your team has accomplished the mission objective. I won't risk any more men for this. Just sit tight and be ready for evac, Lieutenant. That's an order. "

At that, the link was cut, Shepard left standing in the middle of the lobby, surrounded by two dozen soldiers who seemed entirely on edge over what they could understand through the woman's words and body language. Shepard walked over to a pillar and rested her hand on it, trying to calm herself, and faintly succeeded in her efforts. Liara was not sure she would have been able to _. If mother had denied someone something so vital as this…I do not believe I could bear it._

"They were never meant to be rescued. I don't think we were meant to survive. Goddamn suicide mission." She heard Shepard whisper almost silently to herself, the fingers on her right hand gripping the pillar with such force Liara was surprised it did not give, considering the wear and tear it had endured during the battle. It was a revelation that both shook and confused Liara. Her mind swirled as she worked to recall the events and the conditions of the mission. As she had imagined before, it had all seemed comically unorganized and poorly planned. Such a conclusion suddenly became the only one to make sense. Yet, that confused her more _. Shepard was, at this point, a decently regarded soldier…she had just finished N7 training, something few humans accomplish. Losing a prized soldier as her would be disastrous! Why would they…why?_

Her focus returned to the memory at hand, Shepard drawing in the remaining active soldiers around her. She felt some anxiety billow through the woman as she spoke.

"The Rear Admiral says he won't send help until we finish the job." Shepard said as calmly as she could seemingly manage. Liara was surprised at the woman's ability to control her emotions. She couldn't help but wonder if that ability would be able to help her in biotics related meditations as well. However, she was more surprised at Shepard's lie. _What is she doing? That wasn't what the Admiral said…_

"Five hours ago, he said the shuttles were being prepped and would be ready once we cleared the external defenses!" Liston yelled, slamming his fist against a barrister. "What the hell!"

Shepard watched Zahabi step forward cautiously. "Lieutenant…we don't have enough people to rush the core of the facility. We'll be slaughtered, you've seen the blueprints." Zahabi stated warily. "What exactly are you asking of us?"

Shepard sighed and Liara saw a flash of the mutilated turian as the woman thought back to the room of slaves; the first of three that she'd encountered that night. "It's a difficult call. This mission has been hell from the start, and I've seen more friends die today than I could have ever imagined in my worst nightmares. You all have been a damn credit to your uniform today. To humanity." Shepard spoke, looking over the soldiers gathered nearby, many looking outright dejected, afraid, and angry. Liara didn't blame them. They had been sent into a situation that she could hardly imagine was real. "And...if anything, I ask you to remember why you signed up for the Alliance. Why we were sent here. This slave ring has been terrorizing the traverse for years. Thousands abducted and killed. This slave ring's members participated in Elysium, in Mindoir."

Shepard took a few steps toward the passageway toward the central chambers of the building. "They eluded us for too long. Too many families were slaughtered, left barren with parents, siblings, children abducted and sold like common cattle. For too long we could do too little, but on Elysium, we stood firm and said no more. We've been on this witch hunt for years, we've seen the faces of those whose lives have been stolen from them." Shepard continued, pointing out into the passageway, the soldiers eyes glued to her as she continued her speech. "We've breached their lair and we have them backed into a corner. We have the chance to get those people's lives back…they're waiting for us in those damn cages, and we have an opportunity to do what we do best. Protect and serve! Send a message that we will strike down slavers where they stand, that the strongest of them toppled under our justice! Today we can make history, we can set a precedent to deter slavers for decades!"

The woman took a few steps back to the pack of tired looking soldiers, some of them nodding, determination flaring in their eyes. Others just stared back blankly.

"I've seen the will of humanity these last hours, and I've never been more proud. I would not ask this of you if I didn't believe in every single one of you." Shepard finished, scanning the crowd. Liara wasn't sure her words had worked entirely on them, but enough seemed willing to go. She counted the remaining soldiers, deciding which were fit to continue. Eighteen not including herself; the rest had glaring injuries that would just put their lives unnecessarily at risk, Liara felt. She was glad to be correct as Shepard called the eighteen forward, although a few stood still.

"Shepard…think about this, alright? Look, we've all had some pretty wild orders before in our career…hell, Kyle would ask batshit things of us all the time this past year, but…this is suicide. Let's just leave and have them nuke this hole from orbit. We'd all be better off." Krauss spoke, giving Shepard an apologetic look.

Liara felt the woman's anger rise at the statement and braced herself. Instead, Shepard was calm in her retort. "Krauss, there are hundreds of slaves here. You'd ask to forfeit their futures?"

Liara watched another soldier step forward. "They're already broken, Lieutenant. You saw them in there…you can't salvage that. An orbital strike would end their suffering, it'd be doing them a favour." Hounsou said with a serious tone, gesturing to the passageway behind Shepard. "And it's not worth the risk. We can do the galaxy good elsewhere."

"Hounsou, you were stationed on Mindoir when it was attacked. Did you sit out then?" Shepard asked calmly again, shifting her focus to him. "Good people were slaughtered and stolen there by these slavers. Your regiment was outnumbered twenty to one, lacked the air support the batarians had, lacked the firepower the batarians had…but you fought then. Why not now?"

"I was protecting people, families on Mindoir. The batarians…I know what they do to slaves. They are no longer humans, not anymore. Their families wouldn't want to see them like this, I wouldn't want them to have to grieve again. Let us all just end their misery. We do not need to pay with our lives for that, Shepard." The man retorted, shaking his head. Liara noticed a few others in agreement.

"So we're the judge, jury and executioner here? You don't think these people's lives are worth saving? We're defining humanity now?" Shepard asked, sounding baffled as a wash of frustration coursed through her. "We have a duty to protect, or have you forgotten that? We sacrifice so others don't have to, so they can live peacefully and safely."

Krauss stepped forward this time, giving a stony look at the woman. "It's a suicide run, Shepard. I agree with Hounsou. Hundreds of slaves…they'd all need so much fixing and they'd be living with that pain forever. We should just leave, get a damned orbital strike, and face the consequences."

"ENOUGH!" Shepard yelled out, slamming the butt end of her shotgun on the ground. "We're going to do our damn duty as soldiers! You leave now, you're a deserter, and I'll make goddamn sure you're stripped of rank and thrown in a goddamn cell for it. Am I clear?" Shepard growled, staring a few of the soldiers down. Liara noted a number of them give her cold stares, but all eventually nodded. _This could have gone a lot smoother…_

Shepard stood still for a few moments, tapping away at her omni-tool, bringing up the building layout.

"Eriksson, Banjara, O'Keefe, you'll be in the vanguard with me. We'll push up first and give the others some room to work, being a shield for the rest of you, basically. The hallway's long, but between me and Eriksson's biotics, we should be able to keep our barriers up by the time we reach the lobby. They'll have higher ground, as there's a staircase, but Liston and Hinds, you two need to blow that to hell. I'll want you back in the pack and the rest covering you in order to keep them from targeting you two specifically. Your grenade launchers have range, shoot once we hit the fifty percent mark, alright? That should give us enough distraction to get in and cause some chaos. It'll be a terrible few seconds, but I think if we work together, we can do it." Shepard spoke, poking at the holo at times to emphasize her tactics. "Now, as for specific jobs…"

Liara listened as Shepard finished up her planning, watching on with apprehension as the nineteen of them ventured down the passageway, stopping shy of the corner of the choke-point. Shepard's hand signals counted down slowly from five and then they were off.

Liara would have gasped at the length of the hall had she been able; it was at least fifty metres long, and quite narrow. Almost immediately, she had that shock replaced by the ensuing chaos around Shepard as she and Eriksson charged forward, closing the distance quickly as a number of turrets and live batarians fired upon them from the railings of the stairs. Shepard threw out a biotic attack as she left a charged state, knocking an airborne grenade back toward the slavers; she noticed the wince the woman made almost immediately after as more explosions erupted behind her, as the dying shouts of her companions sounded through the hall.

Flashes of pain transferred to Liara as she felt bullets impact against Shepard's body, now nearing the lip of the lobby. She felt the woman limp as she got back to her feet, having rolled to avoid a torrent of fire from a batarian's flamethrower. Again she tossed out a biotic throw, narrowly missing a flying projectile as it lobbed toward the tail end of the platoon.

"Grenade!" she called out, turning her focus back to the stairway and the attackers there as she charged to a nearby pillar for cover. Gunfire exploded around the stony support beam and Liara knew it would only hold up for so long; luckily, all Shepard had needed to do was grab her shotgun. Her biotic barrier shielding had carried much of the group through the choke point, and Liara knew that everything after that point it would be sheer madness. The panicked shouts and bloodcurdling screams that followed a ground-shaking explosion merely drove the point home.

Shepard swung out from cover, charging through flames and midway up the steps into the offending batarian sending the dangerous weapon soaring into the air from the impact and the slaver into a broken heap on the stairway. More bullets peppered Shepard's barriers as she charged yet again, bursting up to the second level of stairs and into a makeshift defense, cracking it open and letting her shotgun tear into the attackers behind it. Liara heard the turrets behind her suddenly fade off and an explosion soon afterward, signaling to her that the other biotic had taken care of the automatic defenses on that level.

Using the remains of the defense as cover, Shepard pushed the defenses up the stairs slowly, letting the slaver's fire impact against it as she drew closer, letting her platoon absorb less punishment in turn. All she could feel from the woman was sheer determination; no fear, no anger, just the relentless force of her will. A large explosion erupted ahead of her, and she could hear Liston's hoarse cheer far behind her, smoldering batarian corpses rolling and raining down around her. She peeked over her deteriorating mobile defense and saw sheer destruction and death. Liara could only hope that the areas behind Shepard fared better, but there had been too much to take in and keep track of.

Shepard continued her push up and planted the defense at the top of the staircase, bullets boring holes through it; Liara saw no cover nearby from the woman's field of vision and desperately hoped she would find something new. She watched the woman slink down the stairs, retreating to a pile of ruined batarian corpses. Liara felt the woman's fury mix with her shock as Shepard lifted them with her biotics, and immediately propelled them across the next room with a vicious throw. As soon as they were airborne she used the distraction to move to a pillar somewhat nearby, charging half the way. Out of the corner of her eye Liara noticed another biotic blur, reassuring her that Shepard would have some help pushing up.

She and Eriksson held their barriers and tossed grenades at the next line of defenses further across the room, partially entrenched by the doorway. Only for a moment did she wonder why the woman wasn't advancing, hearing the sound of the rest of her platoon storming up the stairway. At the sound, Shepard and Eriksson bolted from cover, providing a distraction as they moved to another pillar near the side flanks of the defenses, drawing fire from the pillar of incoming soldiers. It wasn't enough.

Explosions erupted throughout the room as if they were the opening fireworks during Janiris. Shepard watched a dozen batarians thrown from their demolished cover; limbs splayed out on the ground alongside the torsos they once belonged to, seeping more blood than Liara could have imagined. The room had quickly become a massacre, and the sounds of anguish and screaming behind the woman let her know her platoon was just as affected. Shepard looked back and a wave of misery broke through her determined façade; three others were getting to their feet, but more remained limp on the ground, blown into portions, or writhing in agony. The woman's eyes fixated on Zahabi, a man Liara had sensed she had a good friendship with, or at least a form of camaraderie, and after checking to see that there was no enemy movement, she quickly made her way to him.

"Zahabi, Christ…just hang in there. I'm gonna get you through this, we're going to…we're going to make it." Shepard said, trying to reassure the man as he grimaced in pain, rolling his body around to see her better. He was an absolute mess; the sheer amount of blood was sickening, and it was clear that the soldier didn't have long. The man's legs were broken off and splintered, and his chest plate only held on near his shoulders; everything underneath was scorched and torn open. Liara felt fear flash through her, followed by immense regret. "I'm sorry, Z. I tried…"

The man, eyes closed, gave a pained smile. "I told you we'd be slaughtered, Shepard." The man said weakly, the blood pooling from his mouth slurring his words. "My sister had … a daughter. I haven't seen…" the man's voice trailed into a coughing fit, a spray of blood spattering onto the crude, tile flooring.

"Zahabi, I…" Shepard started, reaching for her medi-gel and pawing at air, remembering she'd used the last of hers on Dreger's thigh wound earlier. "Please hang in there." She finished, fighting back her tears.

"I know what you did…Shepard." The man said, his coughing growing more intense. Liara was surprised at the revelation, though the engineer seemed a likely sort to hack into her communications. She felt Shepard's guilt and knew the woman was deeply conflicted. _Pitting hundreds of slaves versus her friends must have been a terrible decision to make_. "I understand…I agree…but damn it… I don't want…to die."

"I'm sorry." The words spilled from her lips as she clutched his hand. A light tap against her shoulder informed her she'd have to leave.

"I forgive you, Shep. Save them." The man said, not specifying which group he was speaking about as he covered his wound with his hand and let out a sigh. Shepard spun away from him and toward the partially broken open doorway; once again the woman's determination surprised Liara. That she was able to go from seemingly one state to another made little sense to her. She expected more grief from her response to the man.

Shepard biotically kicked down the remainder of the door and led the remaining soldiers into the hallway, following the building's schematics to what had been deemed the 'control room'. Shepard gestured to Krauss and then to the wall near the entrance, watching as the man set up demolition charges adjacent to the door. The group fell back momentarily, the explosion annihilating the structure of the surrounding area and at least two batarian guards, letting them enter through the cover of smoke, the visors on their helmets giving them a small advantage over the slavers. Liara noticed six batarians in the room from what she could tell by the heat sensors in the visor, two quickly having their lives extinguished by Shepard's shotgun and another soldier's assault rifle.

The smoke cleared, Shepard and the rest of the decimated platoon training their sights on the remaining four as they entered the room. To Liara, it certainly didn't seem like a control room. It was surprisingly fixed with luxurious furniture and recreational devices. A small desk of terminals rested off to the side of the room, but it was all that she could discern as fitting for such a central position of a slave prison. The journey through the hall up to that room had seemed more like a fight through an estate than a prison. She hadn't thought the mission could have gotten odder, but it was a twist she couldn't wrap her mind around.

"We surrender!" one of the batarians yelled out, his voice panicked as he sunk to his knees. It was rare for Liara to see batarians in fine wares, and only set a further contrast against the conditions the slaves had been held under. "We surrender!"

Shepard looked over to Eriksson and caught the man's eye; Liara saw the anger in him, the hurt.

"Restrain them." Shepard stated dully, gesturing for the other biotic to move up with her, catching Krauss and Garnett's pair's of flexi-cuffs as she looked back. The two walked up and, after checking them for weapons, unceremoniously pulled the slavers' arms behind them and cuffed them.

As she was finishing restraining the last of the four, Liara heard the omni-tool go off. Shepard finished her work and stepped away to the other side of the room, taking the incoming comm link.

"Lieutenant, we've confirmed the presence of explosives within and underneath key areas the base using both your data and our ship's scanning technology. We cannot evacuate you and your team unless we are certain there is no risk." The Rear Admiral spoke. Shepard stood silent for a number of moments, and Liara could sense the woman battling her anger. The woman turned back to the rest of the room, her eyes fixating on a soldier working at the small set of terminals.

"Rear Admiral, we've completed our objectives. I have Truman confirming that the facility is clear, he's shutting down all contingency protocols as we speak." Shepard noted calmly, taking a few deep breaths after her response. Liara could feel the tension and worry trickling through her system.

"Which could be overridden at their control centre, Lieutenant. We're aware you have remote control…" the man started, but Shepard surprisingly cut the man off. Liara was not well versed in military doctrine, but she was aware that interrupting those of higher rank, and defying orders were very much against policy, and punishable.

"We have taken the control center, Rear Admiral. We've assumed direct control." Shepard stated calmly and with a reassuring but professional tone. The woman caught the attention of the soldier at the desk, who gave her a subdued thumbs up. "Truman's giving us the green light right now. The facility's secure. We're ready for evac."

The silence over the comms was deafening, and Liara swore she heard a slight growl, though it may have been static. After nearly a minute the older man returned to the link. "Lieutenant, you have some explaining to do when you return, I promise you that. Do you have any of the ring leaders to bring back for questioning?"

Shepard's gaze traveled a short distance to the hostages. The four of them faced away from her, some of their heads bowed, others not; all being carefully watched by the three other soldiers. _Or, more accurately, glared at. I do not blame them. These four have caused untold suffering._

"Yes. I have three." Shepard stated, her calm façade cracking slightly as her voice took on a lower, darker tone. Liara didn't need to count the batarians to see there were four. _I know Shepard is rather uneducated, but…she must be capable of basic mathematics…I would think…_

Shepard strode over to the four and stood behind them, her eyes darting between them. Liara wondered what Shepard was planning.

"Fine, then. Prepare them for pick-up. Get your team to the landing zone, we'll have shuttles down in approximately one standard hour. Steeves out." The Rear admiral finished, sounding altogether agitated. It didn't seem to affect the woman, who seemed too involved with staring at the batarians.

Shepard pressed her shotgun's barrel against the side of one of the skittish batarians' heads as she gestured to another of the hostages. "Answer my questions nicely and I don't blow your fucking brains out. Which one is he?" she asked, drawing a look of concern from Krauss, though the rest remained stone-faced.

"Khar'ishin Balak. He manages sales and shipments." The batarian said, eliciting some verbal backlash until Eriksson's biotic throw toppled them over into begrudging silence. "He has family entrenched in the Hegemony."

Shepard pointed her hand at another of them, the gesture pressing him to continue. "Gha'kar Hesselak. He organizes the raids and the security for the facility. Ex military." The batarian continued, more words spilling out as Shepard pointed to the last of the rest of them. "Hansak Kha'tarnk. He organized our internal operations. Running this facility and the mines."

Shepard took a few steps away and moved to the other three. "Your associate's lips are freer than yours. Care to tell me what he does?" she asked, a menacing calm to her voice. Liara sensed something off about the commander and wasn't sure what the woman was plotting.

"Fresk Lihkhar'than. He was my whip." Hansak spoke, venom spitting from each syllable. "And he will pay!"

"Your whip?" Shepard asked, simply, drawing a glare from Khar'ishin.

"Lihkhar'than conditioned the slaves for their masters. It seems he's found new masters to whore himself out to like a slave." The batarian growled, drawing a smirk from Shepard. The woman turned to Fresk and gave him an amused look.

"That true, Fresk?" Shepard asked, strolling casually over to him. "I can keep them, the hegemony, other slave rings from killing you if you're honest with me." She finished, her offer to the vile batarian baffling Liara.

Fresk nodded his head rapidly. "I admit, I conditioned them. I'm good at what I do, I…if you let me go, I can help turn them back!" the batarian spoke frantically, giving Shepard an eager smile.

Shepard nodded and her hand went behind her back, casually resting it on her knife. "I have a friend who lives on a farm. It's kind of wild how violent it can be…this whole time I've been here I just kept thinking back to when I visited her and…she showed me once what her husband's family does for a living." Shepard noted casually, pulling her knife out and running her hand across the flat of the blade. "Showed me all the ways they have to ensure a clean, quick kill for their livestock. Fascinating stuff, but I just haven't studied batarian biology that much in-depth."

Shepard held her hard gaze on the batarian, who sat in front of her confused as she spun her knife in her hand.

"Oh well. Trial by error." She noted nonchalantly as her hand flicked out, her knife tearing into the batarian's shoulder. The slaver let out a roaring scream which was almost immediately muffled by her boot sharply impacting his face, knocking him to the ground. Her knife lashed out again, tearing a long line down his thigh to his kneecap. Liara watched as Shepard struck out with her knife on different non-vital areas, avoiding clusters of nerves, prolonging the admittedly short wait until the slaver died from his wounds. She felt the anger and the hurt in Shepard as she struck him, she felt the fear with each blow, and felt that fear be pushed aside by more anger. When she stood back up, covered in blood, the batarian was barely recognizable.

"Seems I'm not that efficient." She noted, looking back at the other three before moving her gaze to Eriksson, who looked a little shaken. "Let's take them back. Shuttles will be here in an hour and I want as many slaves released and ready as we can manage."

The next few minutes blazed by; the facility didn't seem so large when battle was absent, and Liara refused to focus too much on the hordes of corpses strewn about the compound. There was too much death for her to stomach, and leaving with a mere five healthy soldiers was something she could barely fathom. It was only after the third run to the cell blocks that she'd noticed Shepard had been wounded in a number of areas. Adrenaline had worn off and she felt the woman's exhaustion as she helped some of the slaves to the landing zone, offering a shoulder as support to the turian she had seen earlier as they both limped to freedom.

Liara hadn't seen all of Torfan, but certainly enough to have gained data necessary to build an opinion on. She wasn't certain when or if she would be able to form one from it, and felt relief as Shepard's mind fell away from her; a slight force pushing her out, which she complied with. _I will have time later to…assess this. I just want to get back to reality…my reality…_

* * *

Shepard felt Liara's presence leave her; perhaps not abruptly, but quickly, and without the touch of warmth Liara had given her at the start. She didn't think it was a good sign, and seeing the doctor visibly shaken only darkened her spirits. The day had been disastrous. She'd just wanted to rest afterward and had been hauled into an argument with Liara that she hadn't wanted. _Today can't get any worse now…_ she thought, watching Liara shift away from her, looking a little dazed. Her vision turned away from the asari and to her own hands, finding them disgusting for the unnecessary violence she'd caused. _I'm such a fool. Well, I guess I should just finish what I want to tell her and let her…probably hate me. At least she'll have seen me at my worst and made the decision. I can live with that…I think._

"I spent my life up until that point, believing I was fighting for a set of ideals…ideals that thousands and thousands of others fought for as well. I saw those ideals scattered to the wind on Torfan." Shepard noted somberly. "What relief is there in knowing the oath I swore wasn't respected by the people I swore it to? What comfort is there in knowing that I'm hated for doing what I needed in order to protect life? For trying to do the right thing?"

Shepard looked back to Liara, whose brilliant ocean blue eyes pierced her own, though the doctor's face was too difficult to read.

"I wish I had answers for you Shepard, but I do not." The asari spoke sadly, a slight frown curling her mouth downward.

Shepard just shrugged and slumped forward. "I'm okay with what I did. I'd take some of it back if I had to re-live it…I wouldn't have cut that batarian up, but I was just so hurt…it hurt too much, thinking of how he tried to destroy so many lives. I would have saved some medi-gel for Zahabi. I would have waited until all of the slaves were picked up before leaving."

Liara's brow quirked at the last statement and Shepard felt herself fill with dread. "Why should you have waited?"

"They fit as many into the shuttles as they could on their first run. By the time we were exiting the atmosphere, the cruiser had initiated an orbital strike. At least a hundred died. Mostly non-human. I was able to bring that turian aboard, but the Alliance prioritized humans. Some asari and other turians got on, but…not enough. It was a horrible end to a horrible mission, where I made horrible decisions. I'm fine with them now, as much as I can be, but it still hurts. It won't stop." She rambled, running her hand through her curls, looking away from Liara's gaze.

"You tried, Shepard. You were honest, and you tried. I am proud of you for that." Liara stated softly, casually falling flat on top of the bed.

"I lied to my crew, Liara. I might have done it to fulfill a promise I made, but I lied. To…to people I thought of as my family. I wasn't fully honest. I just wanted them to want to help. To do what we fought for. If they'd wanted that…Christ. I'll never forgive myself for lying to them. Not a lie like that." Shepard spoke, leaning over toward the doctor.

Liara looked tired, and she fet a pang of guilt knowing that she'd yet again exhausted the asari through the melding. The doctor's eyes lazily watched Shepard as she crept on her hands and knees over to her. Shepard's arm trembled as her hand gently cupped the asari's cheek. _God, I'm still fucking vibrating from her touch…I'm not sure how long the meld lasted but…Christ. Shepard, don't get your hopes up._ _Let's just…do what needs to be done and leave._ She thought, fighting the urge to follow her romantic whims and instead wiped the chocolate off of Liara's lips and chin.

"It…uh…I just didn't know if you knew you had chocolate on your chin. Sorry." Shepard said hurriedly, glancing away nervously. _Gah, I'm such an idiot! Why did I do that?_

"Oh! Um…thank you. I was unaware." Liara spoke quietly, her voice slightly slurred. Shepard looked back to the blue wonder and suppressed a smile.

"You look tired. Just sleep here tonight if you don't feel like making the trek to the lab." Shepard said, wishing she could will more emotion into her voice. She hated that she often sounded like a cyborg when she was emotionally drained.

As she got up off the bed and stretched, she heard the asari stir behind her. "Where are you going?" Liara asked, sounding already half asleep and far too mesmerizing to fall prey to. _Anywhere but here, anywhere away from you._

"I…need to take a walk. Lose this adrenaline." Shepard noted trying to sound as casual and calm as she could manage. Her eyes caught Liara's half-lidded ones and saw a hint of concern in them. She blushed at the asari's concern, and the slight warmth down below. _Definitely need to leave_. "I'll be fine. Get some rest, Liara."

She made her way out into the thankfully deserted mess-hall, happy that the meld had lasted deep enough into the night shift for there not to be much activity. Shepard slowly made laps around the hall, her mind fruitlessly picking at all the thoughts pestering her. _Fucking way to go, Shep. You not only couldn't save all those biotics down there, but you were a fucking idiot and fought Wrex._ Shepard mused angrily, touching her tender jaw. _Might have fractured it. Liara was right, I was an idiot to take my anger out like that…it WAS self-destructive and I should have damn well admitted that to her._

Shepard stopped midway through her third lap, slowing to a halt and leaning against the food bar. _And I should have told her to go. I should have told her to leave when she was still around after my shower. Fuck everything, I should have just had her leave…even if she was ogling me something fierce. She was probably just curious…about my damn history. Not that I helped her out there, giving her a terrifying flashback to Torfan, and a damn scary rant about heroes. I shouldn't have scared her like that. I shouldn't have lashed out like that…_

She punched the bar in blind frustration, wincing as her hand collided with the cold steel. _I should have stood up for myself! Why can't I stand up for myself once in a while? Why does it have to be so hard to just…do what's right for me?_ She thought, moving back toward the table and out to the stairwells _. I couldn't tell her to leave. I … I couldn't deny her what she wanted from me. Goddamn her fucking space magic eyes! Her…soft, tender touches, her aggression…fuck! I wanted…but it didn't matter. She only ever wanted two things from me. For me to be the soldier to save her mother, and for me to be a damned history book for her to peruse whenever she wanted. And I let her, because she touched me. I'm so damn weak, it's pathetic._

Shepard trudged up the stairwell, doing her best to avoid eye contact as she made her way through the CIC and into the comm room. Her body was feeling sluggish and her mind was throbbing. Her steps were short and labored as she made her way to the nearest chair and collapsed down onto it, folding her legs up against her chest. _And I'm an idiot for letting that reality hurt so damn much. I should have never…never thought there was a fucking possibility of her even seeing me any other way. She's a rich, powerful asari, she just probably saw me as a servant or something…no…no, she's nice enough to see me as a friend. I saw her concern, but…fuck, why did I have to let myself be so…vulnerable with her? I…damn it!_

She felt tears well up, recalling her vain efforts underneath Liara, hoping, praying the asari would lean down and kiss her, take her. Just thinking of that moment hurt and she felt the levees break as tears trickled down the sides of her face. _Why did I even…I'm such an idiot! Here I was, letting myself dream this woman from another world, another kind of life, would be remotely interested in me like…that. She obviously wasn't, and…and even though I thought she was giving me signals…I should have known they didn't mean anything. That she wasn't giving me them. None of it meant anything_.

Shepard brought a hand up to her face and wiped away her tears, curling into a ball, nestling against the lightly padded chair cushion. _It was just touch. To me…Christ, it was…but it wasn't. It wasn't real, she didn't mean anything by it. Like she said, asari use touch like they do words, and … and people can say things they don't mean. Do things they don't mean…_ she ranted internally, wincing as she tried to maneuver her sore body into a decently comfortable sleeping position. _And I couldn't take that…it was just too much…so I let her in and now she's hurt. I hurt her. I'm no better than what Kyle said I was. Not really._

 _She's not interested in me. Her touches were empty, I just…I need to get over that. Just see her as a friend. This is why I shouldn't get my hopes up. It just can't work. Not that anyone wants it to._ She thought, grumbling to herself as she closed her wet eyes. _At least she's interested in two of the nicer people here. Though I hope she tries for Tali. They could be nice…she could use a meld to show Tali smells and sensations…it would be adorable. I'd be happy for them. I hope that happens._ She pondered, yawning as she nuzzled into the arm rest, freezing as a sad realization struck her. _And she really would deserve better than me anyway. I exhausted her again with the meld. Every time I'm around her, I'm causing her some kind of trouble…and I was such a jerk at the start. I need to be a better friend to her. Starting tomorrow…maybe…_

As her body attempted to slip into sleep, the persistent throb of her headache merely served as a delay, distracting her from the comfortable void awaiting her, reminding her with each pulse of the ache trembling behind her heart. She knew it wouldn't leave any time soon; it was never so easy. _But I can try. Maybe I just need some alone time to get my head on straight. Even though she was a better mistake than Lee…I still fucked up._

_I just hope I don't do it again._


	25. Weight

Ashley had always been a morning person; she enjoyed working as the sun was rising, the star's warmth slowly warming the air and casting the night away. It had been something she'd look forward to each day when she was stationed on Eden Prime. From her weapons bench, she could always spot the sun rising over the arcologies, and it had brightened her day. On the Normandy, she was never treated to such sights and, on that morning in particular, couldn't help but wish she were groundside somewhere. She missed the sky above her, the wind through the trees, the rain, the snow, the look out her room's window as a child. She missed Amaterasu and her family. _It's been too long…_

Her brief talk with Shepard the previous day did her some good; she'd been excited to learn Shepard lived only an hour away from the rest of her family, and secretly hoped that the commander would let her hitch a ride back to Amaterasu after the mission. Ashley couldn't be happier that she was finally stationed on a ship, finally killing the Williams curse, but it had caused her to be out of the loop when it came to her sisters. Shepard had offered to arrange for a family reunion of sorts the next time the Normandy docked at the Citadel, but Ashley knew her sisters would likely be very busy, and prying them away from their studies or work would prove as futile as separating herself from duty. She was part of a wonderfully stubborn family and took pride in that.

Unfortunately for Ashley, there was something attempting to pry her away from her duty that morning, or rather, someone. She heard the sound of his steps nearby and knew the turian was about to interrupt her work yet again. Rolling her eyes, she turned around and caught him as he was about to speak.

"Garrus, what is it this time?" Ashley asked, more than a little annoyed that the former C-Sec officer had been pestering her throughout her shift. She saw the guilty look on his face and felt a little bad, even if he had been a thorn in her side that morning. His duties were split between the Mako and the ship's battery, but the tank had been repaired for days, and the battery had been calibrated to the point where it would be foolish to try and squeak more efficiency, which the turian had attempted to do the past number of days. _He's restless and bored out of his mind, Ash. Give him a break…even if he IS being a pest._

"I, uh…was just curious. There's something I don't understand about you humans." Garrus said, sounding a little embarrassed. Ashley placed her hands on her hips, shifting her weight to one leg, and gave as stereotypical of a 'this had better be good' look as she could manage.

"Go on, I'm listening." She spoke, giving him a chance to air yet another trivial question or remark. She imagined it would have to do with the Mako again. He'd made remarks the whole morning about its design, and how much more efficient it would be if turians had gotten their hands on it.

"Humans have…talons. But they're short and blunt. What's the point?" Garrus asked, seemingly baffled. Ashley wondered how much thought he'd put into it and held back a laugh as the turian continued. "I mean, what can you even do with them?"

Ashley half-turned back to her weapons table and quickly re-assembled the rifle she'd been working on, tossing it to Garrus as she finished. "Our fingers are smaller, and we have more of them. Gives us more precision than your bulky talons." Ashley responded in a matter-of-fact tone. "We can reach into smaller spaces, grab hold of more complex objects."

"But when you were evolving, there's no way those would work against a beast! You have no natural defenses, or natural ways of attacking. I'm just…confused at how you made it to the top of the food chain." Garrus said as he started to pace, visibly confused and flustered.

Ashley shook her head and gave a sigh. "Garrus, you don't always need claws and plated skin. We had brains. We found and made weapons for ourselves." She said, leaning back against her table, crossing her arms.

"So you're saying you were lucky enough to live on a planet with dumb animals that couldn't hurt you back?" Garrus asked, scoffing at Williams' statement.

"We had plenty of animals that were a threat to us, but we'd adapt. We'd find ways to hunt and kill those animals, and use their claws, teeth, bones and whatever against them." Ashley said, giving Garrus a cross look.

The turian shook his head animatedly and flourished his hand slightly as if he were about to speak, but paused for a number of long, annoying moments. "But you're not built for war." He said, sounding as if he regretted the words coming out of his mouth.

"You're saying that with me here, and Shepard onboard? LT even?" Ashley asked in disbelief, trying to restrain her anger and pride as she continued. "Tell that to the men and women who fought in the first contact war…you know, our first space war with an alien species, which we won. You know the one."

"I think it's fair to say no one won that war, Williams." Garrus stated quickly, shooting her a stern look. "It was a stupid bunch of overreactions, misunderstandings, and bad decisions all around."

Ashley pushed herself off the bench and strode closer to the turian. "And we still went toe to toe with you almighty turians. I think it's safe to say we're built for war."

"Maybe…" Garrus said quietly, his head ducking slightly. "I…overheard your discussion with Shepard yesterday. It…got me thinking."

Ashley felt her heart-rate accelerate and her temper come to a head. The turian had been all the way across the cargo bay at the time, and would have had to have strained to hear. Knowing someone was listening to the two's private conversation, especially about things she didn't want getting around the ship, incensed her.

"You did what?!" she yelled, thrusting a finger onto his armored chest angrily. "You had no right to eavesdrop on something like that!"

Garrus quickly backed away, his arms up in the air, although it did little to push aside her fury. "Look, I'm sorry, I have good hearing and I heard Shepard mention the relay 314 incident. I just remember studying it, and seeing how different our military tactics are. We turians believe in total war, but you humans…you work differently. It's just hard to imagine how you can succeed in battle when so many of your leaders have had such different tactical styles." He said, his flanged voice taking on an apologetic, softer tone. "I heard about your grandfather and I found his decision…fascinating."

Ashley held her steely gaze on the turian and tried to calm herself down. _Hard to do when a turian's ribbing you over the damn war!_

"Why, because he gave the turians what they wanted? He gave up?" Ashley asked, her face flushing a little over the shame she felt for letting herself get so emotional, especially over something she'd thought about for years. "You think he decided we're inferior to you?"

Garrus flinched, his expression and body language turning more aggressive. "What?! No! He was the only human to surrender, and that was interesting. Your people were throwing soldiers into impossible tasks for a while on Shanxi, and I thought it was ludicrous! I could respect the soldiers for doing their duty, and they had honour, but their leaders were so…unaccountable! Wasting lives on offenses that could do nothing but fail, not even delay!" the turian ranted, hands waving around slightly in frustration at the odd word or two. "Your grandfather had the damn sensibility, the mindset for war, to not waste lives pointlessly."

Ashley turned on her heel and marched back to her bench, not wanting to hear what the turian had to say, but also not wanting him to have the last word. "I thought all you turians were for self-sacrifice and doing what needs to be done? Maybe you can calibrate the damn airlock."

She heard Garrus stomp back up to her, and felt her hands grip the table so tightly it hurt.

"There was nothing he could have done, and any sacrifices would have been for nothing! He was outnumbered almost thirty to one, and we were propelling debris down onto city blocks to kill handfuls of your people… there was nothing else he could do but let everyone die! He had the decency and accountability to make the right call, and your idiotic military shamed him for it? Dishonoured him for it? That's absurd! He made and owned his decision, and I just have a hard time imagining humans are built for war when they kick minds like his out of leadership positions. You humans need more like him so you can have more good soldiers around to help if Saren comes back with his army." The turian continued his rant, confusing Ashley. She wasn't sure what to make of his words. She wanted to believe he was supportive of her grandfather because it was a victory for his people, but he struck a chord with her in regards to him owning the decision. Her grandfather had rarely discussed the mission, or his alliance career after the event, but she hadn't heard of him regretting the decision. The Williams family was stubborn like that.

Ashley looked to her desk and the rest of the unassembled parts scattered about it, and realized her anger was quickly fading. She never hated her grandfather for what he did, and she never hated the Alliance for how they responded. She just had never wanted it to come between her and her duty, and it was at least somewhat reassuring to know she had someone other than Shepard who was at least a little on her side.

"I've got to get back to work, Garrus." Ashley stated, her voice flat, slightly tired. "But I understand what you're saying. I…appreciate it."

As she began re-assembling Tali's shotgun, having inserted a new set of mods the quarian had requested, she heard him slink back to his boredom, hoping he wouldn't bug her again while she was on duty.

* * *

Liara found Shepard in the comm room the next morning; after she had made her way back to the lab, she'd noticed a message from Tevos, stating the councilor would request a live communication with her an hour or so afterward. Almost immediately, her heart had leapt up into her throat, or so it had seemed. She hadn't expected her aunt to have responded so quickly, considering her request for correspondence wasn't the least bit urgent, in the grand scheme of things. Quickly, she had taken a shower, gotten dressed, and planned to prepare a series of questions in the comm room while waiting for the transmission. When she'd arrived, the sight of Shepard curled into a ball, her neck twisted at an uncomfortable looking angle, had brought the ache in her chest back in full force. _She looks troubled…_

The woman had shown her so much the previous night, and she still wasn't entirely sure what to make of it all. It had been a brutal, violent, disgusting trial to undergo, and she found she had many questions about the nature and aftermath of the mission. What she struggled to build questions around were Shepard's actions upon meeting the ring-leaders.

Liara had a few pet theories that had come to mind, although she still couldn't commit to them, due to a lack of detail. She had heard the woman perform an act of revenge upon someone from her past with what she imagined was her knife; combining that story with Torfan, she could only assume both the slavers and the instigators from her past used similar methodology. Methodology that she witnessed scattered across Shepard's back. _Could I find it in myself to loathe her for such brutality when it is what she has known? What she has endured? I…I do not condone such violence, but…I can at least understand her reaction and why she may have done such a thing. I have seen her, talked to her…she is not evil. Simply…flawed._

She had gently woken the woman and sent her on her way after having retrieved a blanket for her to cover up with; she knew humans tended to be more modest and cover their bodies, and hoped her offer would make up for how little concern she placed on that the prior night. _Although I do prefer her in that odd shirt, over her regular military fatigues. Though, it is likely nothing more than her bed clothes. Still…it flatters her…oh what is my problem? I should not be focusing on such trivial things. She is not on this mission so that I can admire her figure. I have more important things to think about!_

A mere twenty minutes later saw Shepard walking lazily back into the smallish circular room, drawing Liara's curiosity once more.

"Commander…is there something you need?" she asked the human woman, who plopped down onto the same chair she had been sleeping in and gave a small yawn.

"Got a message from Tevos, she wants to talk to me." Shepard noted nonchalantly, though the simple phrase captured Liara's complete attention.

She couldn't imagine why the councilor would want to speak to both at the same time, and she desperately hoped she hadn't brought the commander any trouble. _If she has brought Shepard into this discussion due to the nature of my message and my ailment…I predict our discussion will be rather awkward. I hope it is unrelated…_

"Did you sleep well, Shepard?" Liara asked as she sat across from the woman, not enjoying the growing silence between them.

"Not really, no. But thanks for asking, I guess." Shepard replied, her focus entirely on the terminal at the front of the room.

"I…was hoping you could answer a few questions…about Torfan." Liara said nervously, her eyes set on Shepard, who kept staring off at the end of the room. She sensed a budding tension between them, and hoped she hadn't done anything wrong. _Perhaps she has had more bad dreams…I am sure that could be why she is so distant._

"Go ahead, ask." The woman said tiredly, stretching and letting out one of the delightful wordless sounds of satisfaction that made Liara's heart beat harder in her chest.

She pushed her focus away from the woman and to the thoughts she'd been conjuring. "The mission seemed…to be frank, ludicrous. Amateurish. Foolish. It did not seem as if your leadership cared whether you lived. I do not understand why the mission would be overseen in such a manner." She said, hoping desperately for an answer. It was the question that had lingered the entire morning, only gaining strength as she thought of it more.

"Yeah. It took a while to find out whatever details I could…Eriksson helped. So did one of my old COs, who had some friends in high places. Apparently…" the woman started, pausing for a number of moments, shaking her head as she continued. "Apparently the Alliance found out about a certain slave… some asari celebrity's child that the people running Torfan captured. From what I understand, they had given Kyle and a few other soldiers some datapads with this asari's info on it. It seemed like when we lost, and the batarians learned they were holding someone that important…they'd contact the family…who the Alliance had probably already contacted beforehand. All, supposedly, leading up to a hopeful surge of support for the Alliance in their attempt to get this celebrity's daughter back. Maybe the Alliance would be cleared to build more ships, expand to batarian space with the help of the council…I'm not real sure. It seemed like a bullshit plan."

Liara sat back on her chair, realizing she was nearly perched on the edge of it. Shepard's breakdown seemed horrifyingly plausible. She recalled the missing asari on the news _. Xelyna's daughter…she was rescued, though…_

"But that child was rescued, was she not?" Liara asked, confused.

"Yeah, Krauss had intel on her and got her on the first shuttle back. Alliance brought her to her family, got some nice PR, fabricated a story about Torfan having had a self-destruction mechanism, and ultimately didn't earn a lot of support. Citadel seemed to think the Alliance could handle itself well after Torfan, and decided to shut down the requests for more lenient caps on ships and territory expansion." Shepard explained, her unwillingness to make eye contact frustrating Liara.

"So those slaves died for nothing? The Alliance…promotes such brutality?" Liara asked quietly, feeling ill over the knowledge that so many tortured lives were sacrificed.

"You tell me, doc. I had nothing to do with it. I couldn't do anything to stop it." Shepard noted darkly, her eyes narrowing their focus on the terminal. "I tried to do what was right. I tried to do what the Alliance promotes …or at least what they say they promote. After Torfan, I'm not sure that's enough. I've saved hundreds of lives with the Alliance, Liara. Probably thousands. But…after Torfan, I know that they don't always follow their own protocols and rules. So where do I fit? If those slaves died for nothing, and the Alliance killed them, and I'm Alliance, am I living a disgusting lie? Am I killing those people?"

Liara sent a light biotic throw at Shepard, knocking the woman back in her chair, finally drawing her attention to the asari. She was not in the mood to hear the woman question her character in such a way.

Liara held up her hand sternly as Shepard went to speak, hoping to make a point. "You were the reason some slaves lived from that torturous place, Shepard. I will not have you blaming yourself for what decisions others in your military have made. You saw their decisions and refused them. Do not hold yourself accountable." She spoke firmly, her left hand glowing with biotic energy. "When you scattered my theories on the protheans, I held to the fact that I felt I was doing the right research, that I was correct in my predictions. You must hold firm to your own ideology, Shepard. You try to do what is right, even at great risk. You are not them, and you represent something greater than them now. Take heart in that." Liara finished kindly, smiling inwardly as Shepard's glare softened, the woman's gaze departing Liara's once again.

The woman was silent for a number of minutes, just sitting across from her, but the tension had broken. The room was filled with a surprising calm, which Liara took comfort in.

"I saw those people in the cages and I couldn't help but think…those are the people who needed help the most. If I'd lived elsewhere as a kid, that could have been me. That could have been my sister, my friends, Joker, Tali…you. They took so much from so many and I couldn't stand it." Shepard spoke, her voice calm and steady. She knew the look in the woman's eyes, she's recognized that focus before. "I can't condone what they did. I signed up to keep people free from the horrors of life, and these people were gleefully exposing people to such things… breaking them down into things like me, and … worse. When I saw their faces, I couldn't keep myself in check."

Shepard brought her gaze from her own hands back to Liara and sighed, her eyes a spectacular sea green like Lake Jormullian on the cusp on summertime. It was not difficult returning her attention. "I don't blame you if you hate me for what I did to the torturer. It was disgusting, and I can't promise it won't happen again. I don't particularly care to give mercy to those without any. I can be monstrous, I can be cruel, and I'm fine doing those things so no one else has to. I know what I am…I just wanted you to know too."

Liara's eyes searched the human's for a time as she organized her words, wanting to say the right thing, but unable to formulate exactly what she wanted to. "Shepard…what you are does not interest me so much as…as who you are. You…you have been given a reputation not of your choosing, and perhaps it has tainted your history somewhat, but…I would not condemn you for such brutality, even if I do not condone it. You are not those actions, Shepard, you are not a mirror of others' brutality, and I believe you are more kind-hearted and honourable than you give yourself credit for."

Shepard readjusted herself in her seat nervously, breaking eye contact with Liara once more. "Yeah, well…"

"Shepard, I've got an encrypted channel waiting to get patched through. Looks like it might be the council." Joker announced from the overhead speakers. The commander got up from her chair, her eyes shifting to the terminal.

"I'll take it in here, Joker. Thanks." The woman spoke, moving up to the terminal, Liara quickly in tow.

She stood beside the woman, who looked slightly concerned and more than slightly nervous. Liara interrupted the human's nervous hands and gently took hold of one, giving it a light squeeze before releasing it. "You have a good heart, Shepard. Do not forget this."

Shepard's hand quickly lunged out and activated the transmission, bringing an orange holographic representation of Councilor Tevos before them.

"Commander Shepard, Liara, thank you for taking the time to respond to my request." Tevos stated, sounding pleased. Liara hoped her aunt was in a good mood. She knew her own had been lifted by her discussion with Shepard, seeing some invisible burden shift from the woman's shoulders.

"I can always make time for you, Councilor. What is it you wished to speak about?" Shepard asked, her posture becoming closer to that she would see in military parades. Liara wished the woman would relax, she knew Tevos would certainly not mind.

"At ease, Shepard. It is far too early here for formalities." Tevos said, an airy, melodic laugh filling the air. "I was hoping to discuss a few matters related to what was discovered on Feros. Specifically, indoctrination…I am aware you sent information regarding the Feros events to the Alliance, Shepard?"

Liara looked over at the woman, who looked as calm as ever. She wondered how the woman could simply change her demeanour so quickly.

"I sent information from the Exogeni facility to an Alliance team for decryption, and I have provided them with samples from the colonists, the thorian's nest, and the air for analysis. The colony was funded by the Alliance in part, and I felt it important to find out exactly what went on there, and what Exogeni was attempting to do. It seems pretty obvious to me, but there may have been some hidden research there that they could uncover related to Saren. If they return to me with some important findings, I'll be sure to pass them on, with the expectation that humanity not take a hit for what a private company has done." Shepard spoke, her reasoning understandable. Researching something as tremendous as the thorian was of great importance.

"I understand." Tevos said, giving Shepard a wary look. "And indoctrination?"

She watched Shepard's head shake at the mention. "Not enough data to do anything with. We're watching Shiala day and night, and she's been cooperative so far. I passed you all of the notes she wrote about it in the report, I hope it was thorough enough for you."

Tevos gave a sigh, her shoulders sagging forward ever so slightly. "Yes, it was quite…troubling. To think something could dominate a Matriarch's mind…especially one such as Benezia's…it seems impossible. Yet…Shiala insists it has happened. You are certain she is being truthful, Liara?"

Pleased to finally be included in the conversation, she gave a smile to her aunt, happy to provide a report on her old mentor and guardian. "She has been very forthcoming and remorseful. Considering that the thorian was capable of mind control, and so apparently is Saren's ship, her deduction that the thorian's initiation of control cancelled out the ship's is realistic. It also means that, in some manner, this process of indoctrination is reversible. How…we are unsure. We know so little."

"If you could forward data to me every other day regarding her, I would be pleased." Tevos stated, looking first at Liara, and then to Shepard with a harder stare. "And you have taken the proper measures to ensure Liara's safety, commander?"

Liara noticed Shepard startle slightly at the question before regaining her composure. "Yes. We are being very strict with regards to Shiala, and Liara is never alone with her. I've tested her on a number of occasions with no negative reaction. She seems pretty cured of indoctrination, if she had it in the first place. She gets some headaches, but a little painkillers and she's fine." Shepard spoke confidently, drawing a nod from Tevos. "So yes, Liara is absolutely safe aboard the Normandy. I do my best to prevent any harm coming to her."

Liara saw Tevos' eyes widen slightly, before she focused Shepard with a serious, firm stare.

"There is a difference between Liara being absolutely safe, and you merely trying to prevent harm, Shepard." Tevos said, her voice taking on a stern tone that reminded Liara of when she was a child and accidentally broke her bondmate's old vase.

"There was an instance where, because of how my mind was shutting down after the cipher, she initiated a meld. My mind was going a little haywire, and the process exhausted her. She needed a few hours of sleep to recover." Shepard said, the regret clear in her tone. Liara hadn't thought it important that she had been tired out from the meld, but the look on Shepard's face seemed to show the woman thought otherwise.

"Liara? You have melded with Shepard? You…initiated a meld…was she conscious?" Tevos asked, stunned. Out of anyone, Liara knew Tevos was aware that she preferred to meld with only the closest friends and family. She had anticipated it being a shock, especially with it not being consensual, and had wanted to break the news later, instead of earlier. _Goddess…_

"The commander's health was in jeopardy, I had no choice. She was…incapacitated, but I had no choice, please believe me!" Liara pleaded, feeling thankful as Tevos's expression eventually softened slightly, though her eyes bore deep into her, searching for something, but Liara wasn't sure what. "And I only slept a few hours. The second meld was not so tiring, I only required a nap."

Tevos startled at the revelation, staggering slightly on her feet. "You have melded twice?" Tevos asked in shock. Liara quickly spoke up before her aunt could recover.

"This one was consensual and…and it was important." Liara quickly explained, shrinking under the elder asari's gaze. "Please do not be upset with me."

The councilor's posture softened, a small smile curling at her lips. "I could never be angry with you Liara. I am merely concerned for your well-being." Tevos said softly, before turning her eyes to the commander. "Shepard, the moment those files from Feros are decrypted, I want them at my terminal. If you learn anything of Saren, do not hesitate to contact me."

Shepard nodded her head politely. "Yes, Councilor."

"Very well. I shall speak with you another time, but for now there are matters I must discuss with Liara privately." Tevos continued, eliciting a more hesitant nod from Shepard, who quickly made her way out of the comm room, Liara's gaze following her out. As the doors slid shut, leaving her alone in the room, she heard her aunt continue. "Liara, my dearest, is Shepard treating you properly?"

Liara turned her head back around to face the hologram and nodded quickly. "She has been very kind. She has even allowed me to take roles on her missions, even if they are in support." Liara stated, recalling her duties on Feros. "It is…nice to know she trusts me."

"And she is keeping you safe?" Tevos continued, a concerned expression across her face. "I would not have her put you in harm's way."

Liara shook her head and let out a small laugh, thinking that Tevos would have been in shock, had she seen the trial Shepard put her under. "Shepard has tested my capabilities and thinks highly of my biotics. I have been in combat…but not in harm's way. Not with her watching over me." She said, smiling as she recalled how Shepard would always seem to appear by her when she needed help in the fight against the thorian. It had been reassuring to know that someone was always making sure she would never be in too much trouble.

Tevos gave a sigh, bringing a hand to her head momentarily. "Liara, please be careful. You know I get terribly worried whenever you go off on one of your digs or adventures. This one is far more dangerous." The councilor spoke, a familiar sadness in her voice. Liara had often had to endure the elder asari's fussing when she was still in graduate school, going off on digs as an assistant. At first, she had found Tevos' misgivings slightly bothersome, but grew to miss her when Benezia had cut her off. She couldn't imagine how difficult it had been on Tevos.

"I promise, I will not place myself in any unnecessary danger. Shepard would not allow it." Liara spoke confidently, hoping to reassure her aunt.

"You two…have you grown closer?" Tevos asked, seemingly pulling a chair into her holo-interface and taking a seat.

"Shepard and I have…become friends, I believe. She is quite a fascinating person, and I have been helping her become more comfortable around asari." Liara said, forgoing a smile at her aunt's concerned expression. She had hoped the news would relieve the councilor.

"Liara…I trust you to always hold yourself gracefully, but you must always remember that when dealing with humans, a deft hand is needed. They are very impulsive, fragile, and do not think as we do." Tevos stated, bringing a teacup to her lips and returning it somewhere out of the holo-area. "You must be careful with her, or she may break."

Liara's mouth quirked to the side in thought, recalling the previous night. She knew that staying through the woman's shower had likely been a mistake; some unknown assumption that she had seemingly broken, though the rest of the night had been fine _. At least, I think it was. I may have stared at her a little bit…and perhaps I may have been a little aggressive with my touch, but…_

"I do not believe Shepard is fragile. She is not like other humans, she has been through many hardships…she is quite formidable." Liara spoke, her last phrase nervously escaping her lips as she blushed.

"I am aware of her history, Liara. However, there is a difference in how one approaches war, and how one approaches matters of their spirit. We can communicate clearly through our minds, Liara. Humans…their minds are shackled, confined to secrecy, and they must communicate through their bodies…and it is much more difficult for them in both what they are trying to convey, and what they might understand from others. Even the simplest and most innocent of our actions could be misinterpreted by them. You must always be aware of her when you talk… when you touch." Tevos explained, deepening the sensation in her chest at the thought that she might have done something that reflected poorly of her.

"Humans are so different…did you…were you able to learn what has been ailing me? I fear I have caught something from Shepard, and I do not know what to do about it. I do not want to leave." Liara dipped her head, breaking eye contact with her aunt, nervous about what the Matriarch would say.

"You have said you two have grown close. Liara…are you pleased with this?" Tevos asked simply, earning a deeper blush upon Liara's cheeks. She did like learning more about the woman. She liked watching her in action. She liked, or more accurately, adored speaking with her.

"Very much so." She stammered out, her chest pounding harder as she thought back to the discussion they had had in the lab, with the woman's promise to make her food. The easy smile that had spread across her face was something she yearned to see more often from the woman. It was quite alluring.

"Very well. I had truly hoped to wait for Benezia to provide you with such knowledge…it is her right and duty as your mother, but in her…incapacitated state, and under the circumstances, I pray she will forgive me." Tevos spoke, her words confusing Liara deeply. _What is so important that I would require mother to speak with me? I…_

"Elyse…what is it?" she asked, hoping that using the elder's name would show her trust in her. She knew Tevos would not lead her astray.

"Liara, I know that feeling well. I experienced it first when I was serving as an ambassador to the republic of Armali…when I came to know Nithik, my first bondmate." Tevos spoke wistfully, though that was lost in the immense confusion roiling through Liara, who stood still, speechless. "Liara, dear…you're bonding."

The affirmation of such a process was nearly too young for the maiden, who desperately wished there were movable chairs so that she could sit down and not be afraid of collapsing at any moment. _Mother…mother said that asari don't often bond until they are closer to the matron stage! Loose connections, certainly, but…but bonding? Oh Goddess!_

"How…how is this possible? I'm barely a century old! I am too young!" she exclaimed, her legs pacing beneath her as her mind raced.

"It is rare for a maiden as young as yourself to establish such a connection, and…you are very young. Liara…this is not anything you would be forced into. Your spirit has merely found someone compatible. If you do not wish to connect further with Shepard, all that is required of you is to refrain." Tevos continued, her words halting Liara.

The thought of bonding was overwhelming to her. She hadn't considered the possibility of it, and had assumed it would happen a century or two later, if at all. As Tevos' words sunk in, she felt the ache in her chest blossom. _But…the thought of being apart from Shepard…of…of not being close, not being friends…Goddess, I don't know what to think! The mere thought of it hurts!_

"Elyse…I…I care for her. Deeply. It is…strange, since I have only met her recently, but…but I care for her. She…excites me. I just hadn't fathomed the possibility! I…thought at most this was merely a light connection, and I knew Shepard has the mission to worry about, and I have to help her with mother and stopping the return of the reapers, I just didn't think…I didn't think it was appropriate to see about anything more than a simple friendship, no matter how I felt, but…oh Elyse, I need guidance!" Liara rambled, tears of frustration brimming at her eyes. She hadn't needed her mother so desperately for years, but she knew her mother wasn't herself. Her thoughts shifted to Shiala, but even she was too dangerous at that point. _I feel so lost…_

"Oh Liara, how I wish you were here with me. I will help however I can, Little Wing." Tevos spoke softly, her voice a calming presence in the cold, dark comm room. "Tell me…do you feel she cares for you in return?"

The question was one she had put a surprisingly small amount of thought into previously, and her mind raced in a feeble attempt to make up for her error. _Does she care for me as I do her? Goddess…I am not sure! She is kind to me but…she is also kind to others... Oh Goddess…_

"I…am not certain. I know she values me and trusts me. I feel that we have become friends. Whether she…cares for me like that, or desires me…I am not certain." Liara's words stumbled out, dismayed that she would have yet another mystery to solve with Shepard. _One that might not provide an answer I am looking for…_ "But…I…I want her to." She finished shyly, recalling the first meld she'd had with Shepard. The brief moment of warmth in her chest when Shepard had taken her hand suddenly made sense to her.

"Then may the Goddess give you strength, Liara. If you are able to return to the Citadel soon, I will do my very best to guide you. But you know I am only ever a vid-call away." Tevos stated kindly. The thought was comforting, having someone supporting her who had been through it all. Liara had a feeling that she would be in contact with her aunt regularly.

"Thank you, Elyse. I…should go and think about what I need to do. What I want to do." Liara spoke quietly, a plethora of ideas sailing through her mind. "I shall contact you later."

Liara gave her farewells to her aunt and quickly found herself en route back to the lab, and to her terminal. She had too many thoughts, and needed a way to organize them, analyze them, and figure out what to do next with Shepard. She had much to consider.

* * *

Tali breathed a sigh of relief, finally being free of the cramped space she'd been working in under the floors of engineering; she and Adams had discussed ways to improve the amount of time that they could use the internal emissions sink for, and she couldn't help but tinker with different pathways of routing heat. By her calculations, they would be able to gain an extra twenty minutes, although it was a conservative routing job. _Too conservative…on the migrant fleet, I've seen more 'risky' ways of dealing with heat. I don't get why he won't try running it through weapons and propulsion, as it could maybe buy the Normandy close to two hours of extra time, but he just isn't as 'adventurous' as me. Maybe if this works as planned, I can convince him to try more…and I don't mind doing repairs if it doesn't work…_

She squeezed out of the narrow passage and crawled back up to the floor of the engine room, giving her best attempt at a thumbs up to Talitha, one of the engineers she'd often share shifts with.

"It's done, you can run the tests now." Tali said, getting to her feet and over to one of the nearby terminals. It was always nice being able to just go into her shift and work, as if she were just another Alliance crew member; she couldn't be more thankful to just be treated normally, and nicely, by a group on non-quarians. Despite her initial stays on Illium and the Citadel being short, it was difficult to put aside the memory of how hostile people were to her and other quarians. She had prepared somewhat through listening to stories from members of the Rayya while she was growing up, but it only truly became clear when she had experienced it.

Tali tapped away at her terminal, checking over Talitha's readings and configurations, making minor tweaks, and then set the first test in motion. _What a nice way to end my shift…I got a lot of work done today…_ she thought, grabbing the terminal off the desk and bringing it over to her comfy nook in the corner of the room. The sleeper pods had never appealed to her; since they were very snug around her hips, and she hadn't been used to sleeping in a pseudo-standing position, she'd decided a floor would do better. She'd slept on floors for eight of her childhood years with no regrets. That she had a number of comfortable blankets to rest on instead of the hard, cold steel was a plus.

As per usual, she jumped onto the extranet with her terminal, opening a number of holo-windows as she decided what to look for this time. Right on cue, a window with a voice chat request popped up, as one had each day for the past few. She allowed herself a grin and accepted the link; it had become a routine she was comfortable with, and that helped her relax after a day's work.

"Hey Tali-gal!" she heard the communications specialist call out cheerfully. She shook her head at the apparent pet name and sat back against a cushion.

"Heather, why do you insist on not just calling me Tali?" she asked, pretending to be perturbed. She'd had a number of nicknames growing up on the Rayya, and having some familiarity was comforting. Not that she would tell the human, who seemed to be having too much fun thinking it was at her expense.

"Because it's fun teasing you? Because you can't hit me with a wrench all the way down there?" Heather noted, a smirk audible in her voice. "Would you rather I call you Miss Zorah? Lady nar Rayya? Tali, 'Empress of Engines'?"

She couldn't help but let a laugh escape her mouth at the silly list. "You could use that last one, without all of those last three words."

A quiet 'tut-tut' sounded over the channel. "Maybe I'll cycle between them all from now on. So, 'Empress of Engines', how was your shift? Did Adams actually let you re-route heat through the main battery? I told him it was safe." Heather inquired, sounding hopeful, excited. Tali had enjoyed working with the woman in ballistics, learning about the infrastructure and systems in that part of the ship; it had been where she had thought up the idea, which the lanky brunette had helped her design and calibrate simulations for. She wasn't as experienced as Tali, nor did she have the precise know-how about drive-cores, but she had a knack for pointing out areas that Tali might overlook which, in theory, could increase performance. They made, what Adams had called at least, a 'dynamic duo'. Tali supposed they were dynamic enough, but imagined it was a reference to something in human culture she wasn't aware of.

"We worked over the idea and after a lot of revisions, he finally let me tinker, but…he wouldn't let me touch propulsion. And he wouldn't let me re-route the full heat through the battery." Tali said, stifling a laugh as Heather cursed in the background. "It's alright, I think that this will work and I can convince him to let me do more tomorrow."

"The ship can handle it! It's…alright, it could theoretically be risky, but there's no way he can't see that eighty percent could be funneled through the battery without any worries. I doubt this thing will need to use its weapons, anyway, and if it does, it's a quick fix now that you've got the parts in place." Heather ranted, sounding slightly frustrated. Tali was in full agreement, but she knew convincing Adams would take time. "Anyway, you have any fun plans, Miss Zorah?"

Tali looked at one of her open windows and decided to access one of the sites she'd been pointed toward by the communications specialist. "I think I'll do some reading." She noted happily, smiling at the idea of spending a nice few hours reading wondrous tales and about all sorts of adventures. She found some forms of human storytelling to be similar to how quarian tales were written, and found them to be a nice remedy for how homesick she'd been feeling in past days.

"Oooh, nice! Decide on anything specific?" the woman asked excitedly. Heather had recommended a number of murder mysteries and similar drama stories, but Tali's appetite was more for something a little fantastical.

"I think I will read that Lord of the Rings series." Tali said, accessing the archived work, and letting her visor's translator do its work.

She heard a groan erupt from the woman across the channel. "Ugh, Tolkien spends like, a quarter of the book describing what trees look like, and how snow falls on the mountains." She spoke, seemingly unimpressed with her decision.

"That's the point, Heather." She said flatly, finding such stories to remind her of all the tales she was told as a child about Rannoch's mountains, canyons, rivers and forests. They had always awed her when she was young, and reading similar stories simply brought back that nostalgia.

"Anyway, I've got some shopping to do, so I'll talk to you later Tali-gal. I hope the book doesn't put you to sleep." Heather said playfully, a light chuckle coming over the channel.

"I'll be fine. Good luck on your shopping, Heather." Tali said kindly, cutting the channel as she pulled the story to the front of her screen. _Ah, nothing like the hum of engines, some quiet relaxation, and a good story._ She thought, reclining back and letting the story engulf her attention.

* * *

"So how did you end up serving here on the Normandy? A quality doctor like yourself must have gotten a lot of calls from private hospitals, I figure." Shepard asked the gray-haired lady sitting across from her. She'd been dodging some of her paper-work duties, and had spent the past hour having a quality conversation with her doctor.

Chakwas leaned back in her chair, one hand on the handle of her teacup, the other on the saucer beneath it. "I enlisted out of med school. Earth always seemed boring to me…too safe, too secure." The doctor spoke, taking a sip of tea afterward, a brief flicker of hesitation passing over her before she returned the cup to the saucer. "I mean…for me, it was safe. I was naïve at the time, Commander."

Shepard just grinned at the woman's correction. "Doc, don't worry about it. I saw how most people lived, and it was safe for them. That's fantastic. I don't blame you for taking the plunge." She said, still slightly amused at the woman's skittish behavior around her since Feros. She certainly didn't blame the woman for their minor spat, even if Chakwas blamed herself.

"Well…I figured the colonies were teeming with exotic adventure." Chakwas continued, her eyes widening with mock excitement on the two last words, shaking her head at the idea. "I wanted to travel the stars, tending the wounds of tough soldiers with piercing eyes and sensitive souls." The woman finished with a chuckle.

"What, doc? I don't fill your quota? And here I thought I was doing you a kindness." Shepard joked, taking a swig of her water.

"No, it turns out military life isn't quite as romantic as I had imagined. At least, it hasn't been for me…" Chakwas noted, a touch of playfulness in her last sentence as her words trailed off. Shepard gave the doctor her best eye-roll and shook her head. The Normandy had been far from romantic; she wasn't entirely sure what the doctor was on about, but she'd seem similar looks from Heather and Faridah before. It was always unnerving.

"So basically, you read some romance novels and decided to search for some sensitive, muscular he-man in the stars?" she said in jest, drawing a mock scowl from the older woman. "Either way, it led you here and I'm grateful."

Chakwas took another sip of her tea, finishing the cup, and set it down on the table. "Yes, well humanity needs the Alliance if we are to continue expanding, and the Alliance needs good doctors. I just stayed on, to do my part."

"Any regrets? Ever think you might have made the wrong choice, that you should have gone for something else?" she asked, wondering whether there was anything she could do to make the doctor's work more fulfilling on the ship.

"Well, sometimes I think about opening a private practice back on Earth, or maybe taking a position at one of the new med centers out in the colonies. In the end, there's just something special about working on soldiers. If I left the Alliance now, I'd feel like I was abandoning them." The doctor explained, shrugging her shoulders. "And I should probably get back to work. I'm sure our supplies are fine, but with Murakami now sent off to Arcturus, I need to prepare a list of what to pick up the next time we're at the Citadel."

Shepard waved the doctor goodnight, deciding to stay seated at the empty table. The day had been fairly uneventful apart from the opening stanza; being woken by Liara in the comm room in nothing but the clothes she usually slept in was awkward enough. Sneaking through the CIC, wrapped in a blanket was damn awkward. Having to be interrogated about Liara, in front of Liara, by her aunt, was another level of awkward. She'd endured it, but wanted as little asari-related contact as possible for the rest of the day. She knew if she were to be serious in putting distance between them, she'd have to start soon and develop some kind of consistency. Doing so while still being civil and kind and protective of Liara would be the more difficult aspect, she knew, especially since the doctor would likely be curious over the shift in her behavior. _Why does it always have to be hard? Why did I give in and show her Torfan last night? I wasn't ready! I…I wish she would have seen that. I wish I could have said that. I wish I could have said a lot of things._

Shepard placed her hands on the table and gave them a good look, turning them to different angles, looking at them as if they were new discoveries. _I let her watch me cut up a batarian with these hands. Christ…_

A sound across from her alerted Shepard to another's presence, finding Tali seated at the table as she raised her head, the quarian opening a tube of dextro paste.

"If you're counting the amount of talons you have, it's ten. Humans have ten…usually." Tali noted cheerfully, stabbing something of a straw into the tube, and then connecting the other end to her mask.

"No, I was just kind of lost in thought." Shepard noted, bringing her hands back to her lap. "I hear you calibrated the ship or something?"

Tali's posture straightened with pride, a sight that Shepard couldn't help but smile at. "Yes, we gained an extra twenty-seven minutes and forty-three seconds of stealth time by re-routing heat through the main battery. Heather and Talitha really helped me design it, and Adams decided to let me do it… though he wouldn't let me do everything I wanted." Tali rambled, crossing her arms and sulking over the head engineer's decision. "But it was nice. Heather really helped a lot…I can hardly believe you're friends!"

Shepard leaned back in her chair and narrowed her gaze at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Shepard, you're not the greatest with technology. You can barely run your omni-tool. You're a soldier, and she's…a communications specialist that happens to know a lot about spacecraft engineering. I don't get it." Tali noted playfully, taking a sip of her paste.

Tali was right, Shepard knew her friends were very different from her in terms of their interests. It often made her feel out of place, but she knew they had more than their careers going for them.

"Well, that's all true. I just happened to luck into being friends with some engineers as a kid. But we do have a bunch of things in common." Shepard noted, taking another swig of water as Tali leaned casually up against the table, the quarian's attention focused on her. "Heather loves Blasto vids as much as I do. She loves food, she loves gardening, she loves reading, she enjoys swimming…she loves teasing people, and I like hearing her do it. Even sometimes if she's teasing me. And she's definitely got an over-protective streak like I do." She finished, smiling.

The quarian across from her sat in silence, her head tilting ever so slightly to the side as the seconds ticked past. "I suppose you're right. That's good to know…that you two can find some common interests even if you're…really different." Tali said, her hands nervously wringing. Shepard imagined Tali was still having trouble fitting in with the others, and gave the girl a reassuring smile.

"Hey, you know if you ever have any worries you can come to me, or Heather certainly. She's probably much more aware of how the crew really is than I am. You're not that different from us, Tali." She noted, drawing a hesitant nod from Tali. "But…if you need to talk to someone who isn't human, I'm certain Liara would always be willing to help."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Shepard, I know I can always talk to you or Heather. I like talking to you all, and…and Liara too…but we're both usually very busy, and we rarely see each other because of it. Or…I suppose it's more accurate to say that I'm usually busy. She's usually in the lab studying something." Tali rambled, providing Shepard with a fun burst of animated body language. She knew Tali and other quarians couldn't show their faces through their visors, so they relied on their body language, but it didn't make it any less amusing for her.

 _If that makes me a bad person…then I guess I am,_ she thought, stifling a laugh. "Tali, you should always make time for the people you like sharing it with. It's important." Shepard said, hoping to bring the quarian a little more out of her shell. _Though I suppose I'm also hoping she spends more time with Liara. That would make things a lot easier for me, and I'm sure they'd enjoy the time together_.

"I…will consider it, Shepard." Tali said hesitantly, finishing off her tube. "Maybe I should go."

Shepard smirked at the quarian who stood up from the table. "So soon?" she asked playfully, eliciting a nervous reaction from Tali.

"I…no, I just…I like spending time with you too, Shepard. I just…you're probably busy, and I have a book to get back to…and a narrator to find." Tali stammered out. Shepard shrugged and waved the engineer off, thinking it curious that Tali didn't have narration software in her omni or her translator. She decided she'd look into that when she had the motivation to sit down and read the manual of her enviro-suit.

Feeling a yawn coming on, Shepard got up out of her chair and slowly ambled toward her room. She hoped the young quarian would take her advice; she knew that far too often, at least with herself, she got bogged down in work and often only saw Heather once or twice a day if that, and rarely found time to contact Faridah or Katie. _Sometimes I wish I could just drop it all and be a professional friend… but it just doesn't pay well, and there would be too much traveling. I guess…_

"Shepard?" The calling of her name broke her focus as she reached for the door's control panel. With trepidation she turned her head, seeing Liara a few steps behind her.

"Doctor." Shepard spoke, offering the asari a nod as she opened the door to her room and stepped in. She fully expected Liara to follow her inside and wasn't disappointed. Whether the doctor had any semblance of a clue about personal space and privacy was a question she wished she had an answer to.

"I was wondering where you were all day. I looked for you…" Liara spoke, her voice hesitant and trailing off as she no doubt was finding a proper combination of words to use. Liara was nothing if not methodical, she knew. "I had hoped to have a meditation session, like we had planned."

Shepard moved further into her room and sat down at her desk, wishing she could just activate her holo-piano and play music, but she knew it would be inconsiderate, and she wasn't sure Liara would leave. "I'll see if I can make it tomorrow." She spoke nonchalantly, wanting to tell Liara she was busy, that she was tired, that she didn't want to be near her. None of those words came.

She heard Liara move over to her bed and sit down, and felt a regrettable sigh escape her lips. _This is going downhill fast…_

"I wanted to let you know that Tevos approves of you, Shepard. She is just very…protective of me. Please do not take offense." Liara said softly, her voice a pristine melody against Shepard's ears. Never in her life had she wished more to be wearing earplugs.

"I'm not upset with her, you don't have to worry." Her words came out more steely than she had hoped, and immediately tried to dial her tension back. Each second Liara was there behind her had her body stiff in anticipation, eagerly waiting for Liara to forcefully return her to the bed. She felt her neck flush in memory of the heat of Liara's breath, the phantom pull of the night's singularity against her hands, ghosts of Liara's caresses against her face, neck, breasts. She felt her heartbeat accelerate, her skin perspire at the mere thought, and she hated herself for it. _When it was just that dream…fuck, I could handle it, but…now? I can't even look at her without…_

She felt Liara's hand gently rest on her left shoulder and, in her weakness, turned her gaze to it. _Christ…I can't look at her hands without fighting to urge to just hold them… I can't look at her fingers without wishing they were inside me…what the fuck is wrong with me?_ She thought, wincing as Liara's other hand navigated Shepard's face towards hers.

"Shepard, is everything alright?" Liara asked, the worry in her voice palpable. Shepard fought her eyes away from Liara's brilliant blue orbs, and wrested her head away from the asari's touch. _It's too goddamn much right now. I can't go through this…_

"Probably not, no." she spoke, regretting her vague answer, which the prothean researcher quickly jumped on.

"Can I do anything to help? Is…is it the vision again?" Liara asked, moving to her side and kneeling so that the two were closer to eye level.

Shepard shook her head and got up off her chair, pacing over toward the table and away from her problem. "It's not the vision. I'm just dealing with some shit right now." She said in as firm a tone as she could muster; not able to will herself to ask Liara to leave, but merely hoping she'd do so on her own accord.

"I…had hoped that you showing me Torfan would ease your troubles, not add to them." Liara noted worriedly, prompting Shepard to spin around to face her.

"I think we both know I wasn't ready to show you that, doc." She blurted out, and kept her words flowing at the look of shock on Liara's face. "And really, it was fine. It didn't hurt any more than the past years, but it was a lot more vivid. I can deal with that…so don't blame yourself or beat yourself up, it was my call and my fault."

"I am sorry that I pressured you into…" Liara started up, but Shepard couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand to hear Liara apologize for a mistake she didn't make. A mistake she wasn't even remotely aware was made.

"Don't fucking apologize!" she practically roared, slumping into a seat at the table. It was as if all of her anger, her frustration and her energy left her in those three words, leaving nothing but a sense of guilt and envy. "God, Liara, I'm sorry for yelling, but…I need you to just…believe me on this. I made a mistake. It's not your fault, and it won't happen again, I…I promise."

Liara was silent on her bed, and she could sense the doctor's eyes piercing into her. She could imagine her facial expression; she knew Liara would be concerned, worried, perhaps a little frightened. She'd seen as much during her blind rant the prior night.

"I just really need to be alone right now. Can you just leave?" Shepard asked, the words soft as they spilled from her lips.

"Have I done something wrong?" she heard Liara ask, and felt her body cringe at the asari's persistence. It was both alluring and terribly frustrating.

She turned around and nearly froze, watching the doctor get to her feet and approach her. The asari's sheer grace and beauty were breathtaking. "Liara, please…" She spoke quietly, the only words her mouth would speak. She cursed herself for placing such meaning in them, for falling prey yet again. She closed her eyes in a fruitless attempt to block her out of her mind. Instead, her brain recalled how Liara had leaned over her, so maddeningly close, her touch so intoxicating. She felt Liara's fingers graze the edge of the scar on her jawline, the contact once again sending a very pleasant shiver through her body. _Fuck!_

"Shepard, you promised me honesty once. I need to know…have I wronged you in any way?" Liara asked, the framing of her question trapping Shepard in with a collection of answers; none of which she was keen to provide.

"I…I'm not sure." She spoke, trying and failing to lean away from the asari's touch as a hand gently grazed her cheek, her body tensing from the contact.

"You know…Shepard, you must know that I would never knowingly harm you. If there is anything I have done…" Liara asked, her voice nearly pleading in its sincerity, only adding weight to the pit of guilt Shepard felt growing in her chest.

"I know. I know, it's just…" She started, her voice trailing off. Shepard didn't want to tell Liara the truth, but she didn't want to break her promise. _I'm not even sure I'd be breaking that promise, because she didn't try to wrong me, even …even though I can't keep from resenting her a little…it's not her fault. It's mine. After Lee, I should have just given up. I thought I did, but…_

"Message coming in Commander...big surprise! The Alliance needs you again." She heard Joker call out over her room's speakers. She sighed in relief and quickly moved from the chair and over toward her desk, leaving Liara in her wake.

"Thanks, Joker. I'll be in the comm room in five." Shepard called out, relaxing when the familiar buzz of the channel cut off. _Thank Christ…_

Shepard stood there, looking at Liara, not knowing what to say. Too many thoughts, urges, desires, and wishes were flowing through her mind to keep track of. All she knew was that she needed to be alone, and she needed Liara to not be there when she returned from answering the call. Everything after that was up in the air; she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore, and it scared her to even think about it.

"Give me some time, Liara." She spoke softly, offering the asari a nervous smile as she grabbed a datapad of her report from Presrop. "I need time."

Shepard lowered her gaze and walked out of her room, leaving the asari behind her, wishing Liara didn't look as hurt as she seemed to be. She sighed as she made her way up the stairway to the CIC, knowing it would be something she would have to deal with sooner than later.

In the meantime, she'd have to find out how.


	26. Blue Tulip

Shepard watched as Shiala rolled the pair of die across the table, her eyes locked onto the tiny cubes as they tumbled and rolled, her breath catching as they came to a halt. Snake eyes showed from the top of the blocks, and Shepard pumped her fist in excitement, grabbing six sheep cards while Shiala drew a rock. Heather, for her part, simply looked on in misery. Shepard normally didn't like seeing her friends upset on any occasion, but, in her mind, it was a long time coming.

"Oh come on, two has been rolled like, seven times this game already! Where are the sixes and eights? I'd kill for an eight!" Heather exclaimed, frustrated at her poor luck. Shepard just laughed and gleefully scanned her full hand of resources, smiling inwardly at the knowledge of her monopoly card for if she had a win set up. She needed to have a moral victory as well as a tactical one. Her previous games of Catan with Heather had been disasters, at least since Faridah had convinced her to win with sheep. _I've got twenty three straight losses that you taunted me with, Heather…this time you'll have sheep envy! My sheep port on a two hex will come to you at night when you're dreaming and it will remind you of your failing. It will be delicious…_

Shiala had been a quick learner and had, in Shepard's eyes, perceived Heather as the only true threat from the start. The asari was leading in points with nine, a turn or two away from a win depending on whatever the development card she picked up was. Heather had six points and a small hand, while Shepard was sitting on seven points, and had a handful of dangerous sheep to play. All she would need was a small stroke of luck and the game would be hers.

Shepard picked up the small die, tumbling them around in her cupped hands before releasing them across the table. It was as if time stopped as they bounced their way past the board and directly in front of Heather. The angle too steep for her to see, she only had Heather's expression to go on.

The woman's lowered head angled up and gave Shepard the fiercest glare she'd seen her give. "Fuck off, Shepard." Her friend growled, but her ears translated that into a victory, one she confirmed as the die were pushed closer; a five and a six. She looked to the board and saw her smaller sheep city and couldn't believe it was finally happening.

"I did it." Shepard whispered, stunned at the turn of events. It had been months, years since she had won a game, since she had taken on the sheep initiative. She took two sheep cards and watched as Shiala took one and a brick card. Once again, Heather was shut out.

Shepard excitedly tossed down her monopoly card, which only further incensed her short haired friend.

"Shepard don't you fucking do it. The only cards I've picked up in the last three turns have been sheep. I will strangle you with wire and shove you in the vents beneath the battery where no one will find you." The woman said, deadly serious, though all Shepard could think about was the relief of having those losses hanging over her head dissipate.

"I'm calling monopoly on sheep." She spoke in a happy whisper. Shiala's shoulders slumped a little, handing over three of the cards, while Heather angrily shoved her four sheep in Shepard's direction. She quickly cashed in the cards, building enough roads to take Heather's 'longest roads' award, earning her two points, and then spent a few more cards to raise a settlement to a city, leaving her with six sheep still in her hand and a winning ten points.

"That was fun!" Shiala said cheerfully, congratulating Shepard with a handshake. "A simple game, but…rather fun."

Heather had her hand in her shortly cropped hair, shaking her head as she stared intensely at the board. "I had cities on sixes and eights and I lost to sheep. I lost to someone who spent their first tile selection on a two with a sheep port." She said, her anger fading as confusion set in. "What in the hell."

"That was a fantastic game." Shepard said, still grinning like an idiot, but rightfully proud of her victory. "Thanks for playing Shiala. And thanks Heather, for deciding I needed some cheering up."

Shiala nodded her head, moving away from the table and toward the elevator, leaving Shepard and Heather alone in the mess hall. She looked on, amused that her friend was still baffled. She didn't blame her; winning against Heather was difficult at the best of times, and with sheep it was practically impossible. She knew if Shiala hadn't helped tag team Heather, she probably would have taken another loss.

"I…I wouldn't have offered to play if I knew I'd lose to sheep." Heather noted hazily as Shepard packed the game up in its box. Most versions of Catan were holo-versions, but she enjoyed the tactile feel of the physical pieces better.

"I can't wait to tell Faridah that I finally did it!" Shepard said cheerfully, excited about her victory and having the chance to catch up with her old friend. Hackett had told them a training facility's VI had gone on the fritz, and they needed them to go in and help shut it down. Once she had gained confirmation that Faridah had been safe, her tensions faded. The ship needed supplies desperately, so it likely meant a day-long layover on Luna, giving her some time to catch up. She couldn't help herself from smiling.

Heather groaned at the mention and leaned back in her chair. "That asari was ruthless! I thought she'd pick up the game slowly, but she was just…ruthless!"

Shepard nodded, glad that Shiala had agreed to play. The asari had been bored, she was certain, and she felt the game would be a nice change of pace. Day by day, she was becoming more certain that the commando was safe to have around, and had learned her headaches had become less intense. She was looking forward to reuniting the two asari on board. It was clear that Shiala missed Liara, and was waiting for Liara to give her clearance to be around her. _She truly is dutiful…she could just pop up and see her at any of the meal times, but she doesn't…she stays away until Liara feels safe enough to have her around…_

"Speaking of asari…" Heather noted slyly, seemingly having regained her composure. "You and miss prothean expert have been spending some time together. Saw her leave your room the other morning."

Shepard face-palmed, dreading the coming conversation. For just over an hour, she'd been free of her concerns and problems, and wished to just leave them on the sidelines.

"Heather, I'm not sure now's the time for that." She stated tiredly, hoping her friend would give up, even though she had a feeling she wouldn't, by the glint in the woman's eyes.

"I'm just saying, I didn't think you were the type to invite ladies over for dinner." Heather said playfully, Shepard catching her euphemism immediately. She shot her friend a stone glare and shook her head.

"It was after Presrop and the visions were messing with me. Lots of Torfan in there. She helped me a bit, but it tired her out. I slept in the comm room instead." She retorted, embarrassed at her partial lie, but hoping her friend would just leave it at that. Heather slowly nodded as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table.

Shepard watched her friend stew in her thoughts for a moment, and wanted to sigh as the woman's eyes shot up at her inquisitively. "Are you feeling better now? Fuck, I'm glad she's around. That asari's a godsend." Heather stated, running her hand nervously through her hair.

She reached her hands across the table and grabbed her friend's. "We've been over this, Heather, I'm fine. I'm alright. It was a fluke." She stated softly, but firmly. She didn't want her friend to be constantly worried about her health.

"I know, I know, it's just…I'm happy she's spending time with you. She's a nice girl." Heather said, offering a small smile.

Shepard felt a chuckle escape at the remark. "She's hardly a girl…she's over a century old." She said with a laugh.

"You know what I mean. With how much time she spends with you in comparison to…well, everyone else…I just think blue might have a crush on you, Shep." Heather noted, a little playfulness returning to her voice. She preferred her friend happy, but she didn't enjoy the line of questioning. Shepard decided to cut it off immediately, or at least try.

"She doesn't. She actually might have a thing for Alenko or Tali." Shepard noted flatly, dismissing Heather's remark.

"When you wish upon a staaaaar…" Heather sang in jest, but she wasn't quite in the mood for that sort of playfulness.

"I end up wishing on someone else's star. Face it, Heather. I have no luck with this stuff. She doesn't have a crush on me." She spoke exasperatedly, continuing as Heather gave her a very skeptical look. "I'm serious! She said so herself, basically."

She knew she shouldn't have added the last word, but she couldn't outright lie to her friend twice in the same conversation. "Basically? Did she or didn't she? I want details!" Heather inquired, her hands unwrapping themselves from Shepard's.

"She didn't say it outright, but it was implied." Shepard said exasperatedly, pulling her hands back in front of her. "Look, let's just say she did something that clearly told me she wasn't interested, and that's that."

"Shepard." Heather stated, the word hard across her tongue as the woman leant forward and gave her a steely expression. "I am willing to bribe you with the rest of my chocolate bark if you spill."

The offer was enticing. She'd already burnt through a lot of her share prior to Presrop, and Liara had eaten nearly the whole remaining full block. It was sort of devastating.

"Heather, that's not fair…after Liara ate mine, I…" Shepard started, but Heather nearly exploded off her seat, interrupting her focus.

"She ate your chocolate?!" the lanky woman asked, clearly shocked, clumsily slumping back into her seat. "What, did you offer it to her?"

"She had some while I was…" Shepard began, but decided not to expand on that. "I'll tell you another time. Like I said, I'm not in the mood, and I have a mission to prepare for."

Heather crossed her arms and gave her best annoyed look. "Spoilsport. At least you haven't denied liking her."

"I wouldn't even try to lie my way through that with you, Heather. In the end, it doesn't matter how I feel, she doesn't see me like that." Shepard noted, standing up from her chair. "And honestly, having a girlfriend…in the grand scheme of things, with this mission hanging over me…it's just not important."

"Amber…I know the mission takes priority, but it doesn't mean you can't find someone while you're looking for Saren." Heather said sadly. "I think you're wrong about her. Just because Lee…"

"I'm not wrong." Shepard said firmly, but not unkindly. "I'll see you later, Heather."

She picked up the game and walked across the floor into her room, depositing it on her table before flopping onto her bed. Heather was wrong. She knew it in her heart, felt it in her bones. It was clear Liara cared for her, but she felt that if the asari wanted more than that, she would have jumped at any of the many opportunities. She hadn't, and that was enough of an answer for Shepard. _She even winced, looking at my scars…maybe she might have been interested before she knew…she WAS staring at me. She did when I was cleaning up and…but she winced at my scars. It would end up just like Lee if I tried for Liara. Wouldn't it?_

In truth, she hadn't had many relationships. She had been on dates, certainly, but she had always failed to impress the potential partners, and the few times that people would show interest, it would wane into pity when they'd hear of her past. Shepard had never wanted people's pity; she always thought pity was selfish, an excuse for others to feel good about themselves for helping out the downtrodden. She wanted acceptance, and the one time she thought she'd gained it, her world had fallen out from under her.

Lee had been an N-level candidate in her class; she was something of an infiltrator, though often utilized her tech skills as much as her steady, accurate shot. By the time they had reached N4, the class was a mere eight people, and they were the only two women. They had quickly become friends, sharing notes and tactics, planning out strategies and contingencies, sharing the little recreational time they were given. It hadn't taken long for Shepard to feel a spark between them; Lee's eyes would come alive around her, and the woman, who was a shameless flirt, would raise her intensity level when they were alone.

It had been an exciting turn of events after a series of failures; just when she'd been thinking she'd lost her only shot in Faridah, Lee had come along, and she thought that maybe they could make it work. They were the same rank, and Lee was only a year older, and she figured if they worked so well on the field, and were close off the field, then they must have had something worth working for. She was naïve.

Shepard rolled over on her bed, remembering how with each progressive N mission, they'd grown closer; from spending lunches and dinners together, to watching vids together, to just cuddling with each other. It had been the first time she had felt safe with anyone so intimately, and Lee had been the first person she'd become vulnerable with. It had been terrifying, leaking out information on her past every few conversations, but Lee would never bat an eyelash. _She just told me it was alright, that the past was the past…she told me what I wanted to hear. If I wasn't so fucking blind, I would have seen it coming._

In hindsight, the signs had been obvious. One night, after eating a rather tasteless MRE and having cuddled up with Lee to watch a horror vid, she had done it. After a relentless torrent of light, teasing taunts from the sniper over her senseless fear of some creature she couldn't recall, she had playfully fought back and planted the woman into the mattress. Shepard still felt her heart ache just thinking of the woman's soft grey eyes, her silky strawberry-blonde hair, the sultry smile she'd been given as she leaned over top of her. The kiss had been the first of many small steps toward intimacy, and while Shepard had wanted to take things slowly, still sensitive over her body's appearance, Lee didn't mind. She didn't mind that Shepard was much more willing to give than to receive, and when Shepard grew more comfortable with her, Lee would occasionally come up with excuses for not being up for reciprocating. _And by occasionally, I suppose I mean always_. Shepard grumbled, pulling a pillow near and propping it under her head. _God, I was such an idiot!_

The excuse had always been that she was tired; Shepard knew her own stamina was a fair bit better than Lee's, who wouldn't often train as hard physically. She'd believed it, and found enough enjoyment in giving that it didn't bother her all that much. She was confident enough in their relationship to let it slide until the N missions were over. They'd lost contact for around a month afterward, forced to go their separate ways temporarily, but they had kept in touch via vid-call. Shepard recalled how she was bubbly with excitement when Lee had invited her to Terra Nova for a post-N celebration. _She DID graduate N7…even if it was pretty much all because of me, that mission. Heather's not far off calling her an N6…but I suppose bygones are bygones…_

Shepard recalled the shuttle flight down, the dinner out, the dancing, and the drive to her apartment. By the time they'd gotten back, Lee had been too drunk to do much but lay around and make requests. Many of which Shepard fulfilled. It was the next morning after they had both woken up when the trouble had begun. Feeling confident, and more than a little hungry for affection, she'd initiated a session later that morning on the couch. The memory still disgusted her.

* * *

"What are you doing?" she heard from underneath her, halfway through the motion of taking her t-shirt off. Lee's voice was confused, perhaps annoyed, and it halted the motion. Shepard let her shirt drop back down over her and gave the blonde beauty a questioning look.

"I'm taking my clothes off…" she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. In truth, it was to her, but the confused and perhaps annoyed expression on Lee's face had her questioning that. "Unless you don't want me to?"

"I was hoping we could try with our clothes on this time." Lee said, her hand reaching up and tenderly grazing against her unscarred cheek.

The idea confused Shepard, and words spilled out of her mouth before she could censor them. "I always have clothes on when we have sex. I'm feeling good, I'm ready." Shepard said confidently, hoping to reassure her partner, who was looking conflicted beneath her. "I don't want you to hold back on me this time."

Lee scooched away from under her, Shepard lifting herself up enough to allow the movement. "I just don't want to rush you into anything. You know that." Lee stated her eyes darting off toward the nearby vid-screen.

"I'm ready, Lee. I want this." Shepard spoke breathily, leaning in against her, lips millimeters from her neck. "I want you."

"Then prove it." Her partner spoke softly, grabbing Shepard's hair and pushing her mouth against her neck.

Shepard had loved Lee's neck, it always smelled of vanilla and that had driven her wild. Feverishly, she planted kisses and small bites across the tender neck, lightly tugging at her skin and enjoying the tiny gasps that would escape from the woman. That Shepard would force from her. Her deft hands parted ways, one wrapping behind and clutching the woman's skull for stability while the other traveled down and traced shapes across the small of her back. It was a weak spot that she enjoyed tormenting the blonde with, and very quickly Lee was melting to her touch.

After a number of minutes, she separated momentarily, flinging off her shirt before sliding back down onto the blonde, slowly kissing her way down the woman's chest. Initially, the woman planting both of her hands on her head, pressing her down, wasn't suspicious. She knew Lee wanted the slow burn that she'd planned for her, and was just showing that, but when she decided to tease her further and move back to her neck, the woman's hands fell awkwardly to the side.

"Lee?" She asked, her mouth reaching down and nipping lightly at the tender skin. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. You're…so good at this." Lee said between breaths. It wasn't entirely convincing.

"Then touch me." Shepard stated, sucking on the woman's neck, kissing up to her jawline, taking the blonde's earlobe between her teeth. She felt one of Lee's hands once again find the back of her skull, gripping her brown curls tightly.

"Lower." She spoke, using her hands to massage the woman's tight shoulders as she continued her assault back downward.

As she worked her way down to the woman's collarbone, the blonde's tentative hand unlatched itself and lightly slid down the back of her neck to her shoulder. Frustrated, Shepard pulled away momentarily.

"Lower." Shepard's voice was more insistent this time, and she noticed the woman tense as she lowered her mouth to the blonde's ample breasts, arched forward and eagerly awaiting her. She didn't understand the woman's nervousness, and kept pushing forth, using her tongue to tease her way around the nipple, Lee's hand sliding back up to her head momentarily before Shepard wrested her head away, frustrated.

"Lee! What the fuck is wrong?" she asked, clutching the woman's hand out of the air. "Touch me!"

Shepard let go of the woman and watched as Lee's hand moved to her face. "Let's…can we just do what we usually do?" the blonde asked cautiously, prompting Shepard to take her hand and slowly trace it down her body.

"Lee, I'm ready. I…I want you to touch me like I do to you. I fucking love kissing you, and…and you've held onto me before. Just…" Shepard's voice trailed off, feeling Lee resist her guidance. She'd been moving her hand to her waist, and didn't want her initial guess to be true when she looked down. The woman's fingers were angled as far from the skin as they could be, her hand hovering over a heavily scarred area of her body.

Immediately, she flung the woman's hand away and jumped off the couch, her feet carrying her into the kitchen where she hoped she'd cool down. She was wrong.

"Shepard…" she heard Lee call out, sounding more annoyed than anything, as if she'd taken offense to a harmless joke instead of having been deemed unworthy of touch by someone she'd trusted.

The frustration and pain burst through her, words exploding out of her mouth over the betrayal. "Am I so fucking disgusting that you can't even try to touch me?!"

Lee wandered to the doorway and gave Shepard an exasperated look, urging her back. "Come on, Shepard, it's not like that." She heard the blonde say, but the words sounded tired, hollow, fake.

"Then why can't you touch me, or even look at me beneath the shoulders? I have a lot more of my body to touch than just that! I'm not exactly getting good vibes right now…what the hell is wrong?" She ranted, glaring at Lee. She wanted the blonde to disappear, she wanted to be back on Amaterasu, she wanted to be in her bed and just cry. More than that, she desperately wanted Lee to walk over and ravage her.

"Shepard…" Lee started, before sighing and turning back into the living room. Shepard immediately followed, marching after her.

"I think a few months of me tirelessly going down on you has proven I'm fucking into you. I really, really like you, Lee. Tell me you feel the same…show me." She growled, fists angrily clenched at her sides.

Lee lazily spun to face her and motioned to the door. "I think you should just go."

Shepard had expected a number of responses. She'd hoped Lee would pounce on her. She thought the woman would maybe talk about some sort of fear, or phobia she hadn't discussed earlier, or that she simply didn't want her anymore, that she never did. She hadn't expected a casual dismissal.

Before she could think, she felt tears sting her eyes. "Why?" she choked out, her shoulders slumping slightly, her hands unclenching. It was difficult to feel angry when she felt so defeated.

"You're a good fuck, Shepard. You are…but I'm sorry, your body's a fucking wreck and I'm not touching it. Makes me cringe. I don't like cringing when I'm having sex, so unless you're up for tossing a shirt back on and getting back to work, I don't really want you here." Lee stated apathetically, one hand holding her temple as if Shepard's query had brought upon her a nagging ache.

She could barely think with her heart feeling like it was about to burst out of her chest, as if the blood vessels in her head would erupt at any moment. Her tears fell like foolish dreams, paths streaking down her cheeks, droplets splashing onto the floor below. "But…I thought you…we…" Shepard tried to speak, but she didn't know which words to use in the confusion. They had spent nearly a year in the N program together. Anything she once thought she knew about Lee had scattered to the wind.

Lee gave a short, restrained laugh that cut sharper than anything she'd said to her. "We helped each other through N, and we had fun. Let's leave it at that, Shepard. Go home." Lee stated firmly. Shepard felt her feet move her along the designated path and out the door, down the stairs, and out into the street.

* * *

Shepard rolled onto her side and nuzzled her head into the pillow, recalling what remnants of the rest of her stay on Terra Nova that she could. She remembered drinking for the first time in her life; she'd seen Lee drink tequila, so she'd bought a few bottles and somehow found her way to a hotel. She wasn't certain how long she had stayed there, or how Heather had found her, but eventually she was taken home.

The cost of her mistake had been terrible, changing her view on what her future had in store. _Lee…Lee was a horrible mistake. I didn't see her coming, thought I'd found love and it was just…fake. That destroyed me._ She mused to herself, glad that she'd long since gotten past the weeping and bawling stage of her grief. She just felt depressed over it all. _Now, with Liara…I can't make that mistake again. Can I? I mean…is she just doing and saying things to manipulate me and keep me on the job to save her mom? Is she just going to escape with her mother if I manage to rescue her? Hell, if she isn't manipulating me…I mean, fuck. At least she…she's at least …_

Shepard turned the pillow over in frustration, wanting to find a cool side of it to sleep on; though, she had a feeling sleep wouldn't come easily. Her hand returned to the area on her chest that Liara's hands had grazed after Presrop, a place Lee had never touched, at least not skin to skin. _Why is this so confusing? What does she want from me?_

* * *

"Liara, I need you to use singularities to keep those rockets away from us!" she heard the commander yell at her from across the hallway, both of them protecting Tali as the quarian's omni-tool recharged. It was immensely hectic, and her barriers were constantly collapsing under the firepower. _What military in their right mind builds training areas with live ammunition? Rockets? This is absurd!_

The call to join Shepard on the mission had initially thrilled her. She, Tali and Shepard would create one team, while Kaidan, Wrex and Ashley formed the other. The plan seemed to be that the other group would run a diversion, while Shepard's would sneak in and disable the core platform that the VI was running off. Learning that she would be fighting more mechanized opponents was nerve-wracking, but hearing one of Shepard's good friends had led a team in an attempt to disable the VI had quickly made the mission much more dangerous. She and Tali were moving as quickly as they could, trying to keep up with Shepard's sheer carnage, but it was difficult. As she threw out a singularity, she saw Shepard slide under it and erupt one of the roving artillery mechs with her shotgun.

"Shepard, be careful!" she yelled out, to no avail. If the woman could hear her, she wasn't listening. _I do not blame her either. If this were mother we were chasing after…_

Liara took the power from that thought and threw up a warp as Shepard's gun tore through two mechs' shields, the biotic attack tearing into both and rendering them useless; smoke and sparks emanating from each.

Liara moved from cover, following Shepard further into the building, Tali in tow. They had been at it for nearly a half an hour, and she could tell they were all tiring.

"Tali, how close are we?!" Shepard yelled out, far ahead of them, as she shot twice with her gun and kicked a destroyed mech aside in a single fluid motion.

"Forty one meters!" she quarian yelled out, the map on her omni-tool up and tracking the commander's friend's omni-tool. "Go left into that room!"

Shepard quickly spun on her heel and bounded into the next doorway and out of sight, the sounds of gunfire ringing out furiously as they neared. _Goddess, she is going to get herself killed!_ As Liara moved through the doorway, a rocket skimmed inches over her head detonating a few metres away on a wall to the side of her. Instinctively, she scanned and dove for nearby cover, rolling behind a dense cargo crate, Tali following suit.

"This is madness!" Liara yelled out to the young quarian, who quickly looked over to her.

"No, this is Shepard!" Tali yelled back, another rocket whizzing over their heads. Tali quickly rolled out of cover, using her omni-tool to hack two of the robots into fighting for them temporarily, drawing fire from Shepard. The commander was far inside the room, battling the machines at close range so their rockets weren't accurate at all, flying past her instead. It seemed like a sound strategy, as the robots' only other weapon was a close range stun gun, and their platforms weren't agile in the least, letting the commander make quick work of them. She felt her nervousness fade, and decided to join in the fight, moving from that cover to a pillar closer to Shepard, and flung off a number of warps at the machines while Tali continued hacking, Chiktikka joining Shepard in the mix.

As the pack of machines slimmed, she realized that the strategy stopped being as functional, with the robots having more clearance to take shots, and more rockets being sent Shepard's way. Attempting to dodge a rocket, Liara watched Shepard trip on a fallen mech, losing her balance long enough to be vulnerable to the stun batons. She scanned the crowd of machines quickly and saw Chiktikka had just reduced the shields of one.

Focusing intently on the machine, she channeled her biotics around it and quickly spun it through the air, knocking over two of the other robots that had gotten closer to Shepard than she'd liked. Not missing a beat, Shepard fired off her shotgun four times, tearing through the machines, using her biotics to render the last non functional.

Standing over the smoking wreckage, Shepard sent Liara a thankful glance and darted off toward a storage room that had taken an egregious amount of missile fire. Liara could only imagine the survivors of the scientist group had trapped themselves in there, and the robots had been trying to break through.

"Tali, I need you to watch the doors in case any more come." Shepard called out to Tali, who quickly nodded as the commander turned to Liara. "And I'm going to need your help to pull this door away. It's going to be a damn pain."

Liara moved alongside Shepard and both focused their biotics on the beaten door, slowly bending it back into shape until it was flat enough to slide sideways. As soon as there was a small opening Shepard's helmet was off and her head was in; not assessing any danger, but merely desperate enough to learn of her friend's fate. A thought lingered in her mind, whether Shepard and this friend were more than close, but she quieted that thought until there was reason to believe it.

"Faridah?!" she heard the woman call out frantically before Shepard gave a violent push, sliding the door harshly to the side, making a wide opening and exposing a huddled half dozen people. "I need a medical team on hand, we have one critically wounded, and two more that can't walk out of here. I'm pinging out my location…Kaidan, get your team over here and keep this area defended." The woman said, hand to her ear as she seemingly spoke over open comms.

Liara moved into the room and began sliding crates over as possible cover in case of another attack. She knew the last thing they would need was to be trapped in a nook by machines that fired rockets. She used her biotics to lift two of the scientists with minor injuries onto the crates in the meantime, giving her the chance to bandage their wounds while Shepard packed what seemed to be some Alliance soldier with medi-gel, all the while with another scientist looking over the woman's shoulder. As Liara finished, she turned and moved to help with the more critically wounded man Shepard was trying to help, but seemed to be doing a mediocre job of it.

"Here, Shepard, I can take care of him. You finish doing what needs to be done." She said, not receiving verbal confirmation, but the sound of boots clomping off in Tali's direction.

The next few minutes were uneventful; she fielded questions from the two others, a scientist and a guard. Both were curious as to why an asari and a quarian were inside a classified Alliance outpost, but she certainly didn't care at all. They had been called upon to assist, and they were assisting. By the time she got the man stabilized, Kaidan's team had arrived with some stretchers and Alliance medical officers, who she gladly handed the trio of wounded off to.

Tali was the first and only of her group to return, and it was clear that the quarian was nervous about something due to her talons wringing together. The girl was rather transparent that way.

"Tali, what's wrong? Did you get the VI disabled?" Liara asked, worried that something had gone terribly wrong, and that she was about to tell her terrible news.

"Oh, uh…yes. Yes, the VI is offline." Tali stated, stumbling over her words.

"Then…where is Shepard?" Liara followed up, not wanting to demand an answer, but her worries hadn't been laid to rest.

"She is just catching up… with her friend." Tali stammered out, a hint of anger in her voice, walking quickly past her and toward the med team that was leaving quickly. She wished the quarian's response had eased her heart, but she couldn't be certain that such news wasn't terrible.

* * *

Shepard managed to stumble into Faridah's apartment; the two of them exhausted after their endeavour on the Luna training facility. She knew she often pushed herself hard on missions, but this had been different; outside of Therum when both her and Liara's lives were at stake, she'd never completely run dry, not since she was a child.

"Just take off your boots and go take a seat on the couch. I'll be there in a second." Faridah noted kindly; Shepard was in no condition to argue, and lazily found her way across the room to the soft red sofa and practically fell onto it. It was nice to have a night where she could just relax, and catch up. _It's been too long…I wish I wasn't so tired._

She turned her head and caught sight of her friend in the kitchen, busy making coffee. Shepard had been so worried that Faridah had been hurt, and had spent a few minutes alternating between hugging her and cursing her out for taking such a risk. _I'm just happy she left without a scratch…can't say the same for her friends, though…Christ, I should string the base commander up for ordering her and the others to go in alone…fuckers! And for that VI…it was more than just a regular VI. Tali was really angry when she got a look at its hardware._

Her temper waned as Faridah returned with two hot mugs, placing one by Shepard before taking a seat beside her.

"I figured you could use a wake-me-up." Her friend noted cheerfully, taking a sip of her own cup.

"Thanks." She answered sheepishly. Shepard had never enjoyed coffee, but used it at times to get a slight energy boost. She took a deep sip of her own and placed the mug back on its coaster.

Faridah gave Shepard a playfully scrutinizing look, an impish grin forming on her face. "So I suppose I should use your title now, Spectre." The woman said, clearly proud, but knew Shepard was in no state to do anything about her teasing.

"Yeah, yeah, get it out of your system. I'll wait." She said, rolling her eyes as she gently prodded her raven-haired friend.

"Please, Spectre, don't savage me with your attacks!" Faridah joked, laughing happily. As her laughter slowed, she rested a hand on Shepard's kneecap, shooting her an expectant look. "So Heather's been telling me about your little blue crush on the ship. Spill." She demanded softly, her lips widening into a smile.

Shepard could only sigh, wishing Heather would keep to herself, although she supposed she should have expected the turn of events. "It's nothing, she doesn't like me." She said simply, trying to figure out how best to talk about it with the woman. She knew Faridah would eventually milk the details out of her, and that made her nervous. _She's always had that frustrating gift…she was always able to see right through me…_

"Mmmhmm? Go on, I'm listening." Her raven-haired friend noted with amusement. "But you like her?"

"It doesn't matter if I do or not, but yes. She's not interested though…she said something about being happy to spend time with some other people on the crew, but didn't say anything about me." Shepard retorted, readjusting herself so that her head was propped up on the armrest, her legs slung over Faridah's.

"But she was probably with you when she told you that, so she obviously included you in that group. Come on, there's more to it than that. If Heather thinks she's into you, and you think she's not, then there has to be more than that." Faridah said in her best reassuring tone, her deep brown eyes peering into her. "Shepard…you know that what you say here, stays here. I won't tell anyone."

Shepard looked at her old friend and wished the woman didn't have such power over her. A simple, soft expression would melt her will, and she felt herself give in, a low chuckle escaping her throat. "You wouldn't believe me."

Faridah shifted closer to her and took Shepard's hand, tentatively squeezing it. "Shepard, if this asari's done something bad to you, I'll murder her with my own hands." Faridah warned, the threat coming out of nowhere for Shepard.

"What?! No, no, she…she hasn't done anything like that…" Shepard blurted out, blushing as memories of that night returned to her. "At least, not knowingly."

"Hrm. But…she DID do something, didn't she?" Faridah asked, a hint of excitement visible on her face. Shepard knew the woman loved mysteries, and didn't fault her for that. "I'm not going to laugh at you, Amber…no matter what it is."

The offer was kind, though she wasn't sure her friend would honour it. She couldn't help but imagine it would seem a little amusing outside of her personal context. "So…I had to deal with Major Kyle the other day. He ended up slaughtering a bunch of biotics and I couldn't save them all in time. I was… really really upset, as you can imagine." Shepard started, turning her head toward Faridah's table. "I ended up sparring with a krogan in my short-lived stupidity, and Liara…the asari…called me out. She tore into me really good and followed me from the cargo bay into my room. She ended up saying something that really hurt, and I kind of retreated into the shower."

She saw Faridah nod out of the corner of her eye, looking on in patience. "And when I got out, I started drying myself off, and I was in a bit better of a mood. I went to dry off my hair with the towel I'd been covering my body with and I heard a gasp behind me. She was…still there, waiting." She noted sheepishly, blushing at the memory, of how Liara's eyes scoured her body hungrily. Or, so she'd thought.

"She actually stayed around while you were showering?" Faridah asked, as baffled as Shepard was over the behavior. She thought it was common knowledge to just leave.

"She ate the chocolate Heather gave me too." She noted sadly, ignoring the widening smile on Faridah's face that the woman was doing a poor job hiding. She had really been looking forward to it. "Anyway, we sat around awkwardly and she…she tried complimenting me, I think, but I got really mad at her."

Faridah sighed, her smile sinking into a frown. "Shepard, you really need to work on that. You're a good person, it's alright for others to think so too." The woman said softly squeezing her hand again.

"Well, she called me a hero, and I went on my rant, and somehow we ended up…she kind of fell onto my bed. She had this look in her eyes and…I couldn't look at her anymore, so I just sat at the end of the bed, and I said something stupid that I knew she'd latch onto." Shepard continued, her blush deepening as she remembered the utter embarrassment of the following few minutes. "But instead of just…talking to me, she kind of threw me onto the bed and straddled me."

Faridah's hand left Shepard's, both of the woman's finding her own head in complete shock. "She what?!" Faridah exclaimed loudly, looking on in disbelief.

"I uh…tried to get her off me, but she used a singularity to bind my hands, and then she….fuck, you get the picture." Shepard said, feeling too self conscious to continue.

"No, no I really don't. Keep going." Faridah said, still a wild, surprised look in her eyes, her body still but for breathing.

Shepard gulped back her fear and insecurity, taking heart that she at least had someone who wasn't on the ship that she could talk to about it. That it was Faridah just helped that much more. "She pretty much grabbed my boobs, leaned in close to me and started caressing my face, saying nice, comforting things. I was definitely a wreck that day, but…but I thought I saw something in her eyes, and…and when she leaned in really close, I…went to kiss her." She said, feeling like her cheeks would explode from how much blood was pooling in them. "She ignored me and…she just kept staring at me, waiting for me to answer one of her questions. So…so I did that instead."

"Fuck." Faridah spoke, seemingly similarly as confused over the asari's behavior.

"I mean, she basically ogled me, groped me, and…and then just doesn't seal the deal? I think touch to asari means something different than it does to us. I was kind of really upset after that, but…she started giving me a massage." Shepard reasoned, pausing for a moment as a wistful look flitted across her friend's face. She knew Faridah remembered their brief encounter, but they were long past that. They had much different lives, and both were rather attached; Faridah to her fiancé, and Shepard to her duty. "Anyway, I pretty much melted and then…well, I gave her information on Torfan, like she wanted. And then it was all over."

Faridah sat still, her hands finally returning to her side. "I…don't understand." Her friend said simply. Shepard nodded in agreement.

"Neither do I, but I think it's pretty clear that she doesn't like me…not like that. She could have had me after the shower, she could have kissed me, she could have escalated the massage. She … cares for me, but probably just because she needs me to do something for her." Shepard explained sadly, wishing reality wasn't always so bleak in that area of her life.

Faridah looked on thoughtfully, taking a few moments to think. "Shepard, I just want to say one thing to you." Her friend started. "You've said a lot, explained a lot but really…at most it just means she doesn't like you that way yet. Key word being 'yet'."

"Faridah…" Shepard started, hoping to cut the woman off, but Faridah raised a finger to her mouth, a request for her to finish her piece.

"You have to put yourself out there. You have to just…if you like her, then do things to try and win her over. Hell, I had to do that with Jared. He was clueless!" Faridah exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in mock frustration. "I know Lee really messed you up, but she's just one woman. Don't let her stop you from finding anyone. This Liara would be lucky to have you."

"I don't know about that. I've been a basketcase lately. But…I do feel better knowing you're safe. Finally did something right since Therum." Shepard grumbled to herself.

"What happened on Therum?" Faridah asked curiously, giving Shepard her best puppy-dog eyes, hoping for more answers.

"I…uh…we went into a volcano and rescued Liara. It ended up exploding, and it was close…" Shepard began, a blush returning to her cheeks.

"You saved her life…seriously, I guess that's just your thing. But none of us are really damsels in distress, are we?" Faridah asked playfully, her smile wiping away some of Shepard's nervousness.

She shifted her gaze away from Faridah and to the tiled floor, feeling foolish for continuing the conversation when everything was so clear to her. "She saved mine too once, so we're even on that. And in terms of princess material…she's pretty close, really. Highly esteemed prothean researcher, wealthy and influential family, and she's honestly adorably sweet. I might be a Spectre, but I don't have…that kind of family, and I don't have a lot of money, and I'm not as educated or cultured, or anything."

"So? Wasn't Lee from a well off family? Some big mining corporation's CEO's daughter?" Faridah asked, skeptical of Shepard's logic, though she wasn't sure why.

"That's kind of my point, Faridah." Shepard noted, moving to a sitting position. "We're too different. We don't fit."

"Not if you won't let yourself try, Amber." Her friend said softly, leaning up against her slightly. "Why can't you?"

Shepard sat there, her brain a mess from how Faridah had mined out the information. She wasn't sure whether to continue or to hold off in hopes her friend would cease fire.

"I just…" she started, closing her eyes and mouth when the words caught at the back of her throat. There was a lot to say, and she was scared to say it. Terrified. Faridah's arm snaked around her waist, pulling her into a light hug.

"Amber, you need to just let it out. I'm here for you." Faridah whispered, gently swaying the two side to side. It was a comforting feeling.

Shepard leaned into her and just enjoyed the sensation as she collected her thoughts. "I always felt like the galaxy was too big for me...that I needed to share it with someone who could experience it with me, all of its joy and wonder and everything. Naïve… I know. I just...I eventually came to realize I couldn't have that." Shepard started, the guilt of letting go of her dreams still raw as always, her heart aching at the thought. "It took a while to be okay with it, and it helped that I'd never really had it, never been close at all."

She took a deep breath, feeling trepidation over what she wanted to say; whether she wanted to skip things, or just blurt it out. _Hell, since I'm already at it…_

"I decided I'd hopefully have the kids at Amaterasu one day a week for as long as I could stay alive. Maybe watch them grow into the amazing people I know they can be. That they will be." She noted, a small, sad smile creeping across her face as she recalled the fun she'd had with the children, the blasto plushie one had given her. If there was one thing she knew she'd be proud of when she died, it was helping expand their minds for a few hours each Sunday. "And…I wanted to see my best friend fall in love and know that she'd be kept safe when I went."

Shepard felt Faridah tense up beside her, and anticipating her friend would pull away, she gently reciprocated the hug.

"I do. And I want to see Heather find someone too. Not that I'm some soul mate believer, or someone who believes in fairytale happy endings…at least not for people like me… but I want to know that if I disappeared, that my tiny absence in your lives could be filled with a love like I have for you two." She stated, half wishing she hadn't even started speaking that night, and instead had fallen asleep on the sofa. The other half was happy she could get it all off her chest.

"I didn't expect to ever have more than that. I'm scared to want more than that, because that means I'm putting myself out there again, giving the galaxy another chance to prove I can't. And I'm not sure I could handle that. I can take what I'm living with now, knowing that I gave it a shot, and… I'm fine with what I have… even if I'm kinda not." She continued, knowing Faridah would understand well that another situation like Lee would be crippling. "Even if things might have changed since then. I don't want to know it hasn't." she finished with a whisper, a mixture of relief and grief washing over her. Now that the words had been spoken, they seemed more real, and while the long-held burden was gone, her reality was truly sinking in, and it was heavy.

Faridah merely remained clung to her side, gently swaying as minutes passed. _I'm just so tired…I'm so tired of being alone, but…I can't…nobody wants damaged goods like me. No one wants a wrecked body. I've got a mission to do…that's what I'm good for._

"Amber…the only way you're going to catch her heart is by showing you're brave and caring enough to deserve it." Faridah whispered after a long, comfortable silence. "Life doesn't wait forever."

Shepard released a breathy sigh, letting go of Faridah so that she could slump up against the arm-rest again. "And a big heart's an easy target, Faridah. The mission's too important for me to run off and collapse if things don't work out. People need me, and it's not worth losing my new friends over. I don't want to get hurt."

"Do you trust her?" Faridah asked, a question that was deceptively complex. _Liara cares for me, and…she said she wouldn't willingly hurt me, but…but I can't ever blame her for causing me pain if she isn't interested in me! She can't promise that…_

"I don't know." Shepard responded, earning a look from Faridah that basically meant that she should give a more polarized answer. Not that it was easy to come to any kind of conclusion on the issue. "I mean, I guess, yeah. She said she doesn't want me to be uncomfortable with her, and doesn't want to hurt me with melds or anything, and she's always nagging me about my injuries."

She saw Faridah smirk and decided she'd made a terrible mistake. Her friend had decided, and she knew she had a long night ahead of her.

"Sounds like her and I would get along well." Faridah quipped playfully, her smirk spreading into a devilish grin.

"Sounds like you two would tie me up at the first sign of a bruise." Shepard scoffed, taking a sip of her now warm coffee.

Faridah prodded Shepard in the chest twice before hopping off the sofa and onto her feet. "Sounds like you'd like that, from how much you were blushing earlier."

 _Christ. She's not going to let me live that down…I just know it._ She thought, grumbling to herself. _But…I suppose I would probably like it if Liara did it…as much of a freak that might make me._

"So what do you two talk about, anyway?" Faridah asked from the kitchen. Shepard sluggishly moved off the sofa and over to the nearby bar, taking a stool.

"I don't know. We apologize to each other a lot, I guess." Shepard started, ignoring Faridah's unimpressed scowl. "And we talk about asari culture, her upbringing…my childhood, in spots, I guess…and other things."

Faridah pulled a bottle of wine from one of her closets and placed it on a nearby counter. "Other things? You can be specific, you know." Her friend said mockingly, shaking her head. "And she hasn't gone running into the hills after hearing about you, has she?"

"No, she actually read up on Torfan and Elysium and everything. Said I was fascinating, but then again, I do have a prothean mishmash of things in my brain. She IS a prothean researcher." Shepard noted, rolling her eyes at her friend's amused grin. "As for other things…well, she invited me to meditation every morning, said it might help me with focusing my biotics. And she did comment on my shower gel once."

Faridah's head cocked to the side, her eyes widening. "Amber…did she see your shower gel…or did she smell it?" Faridah asked, her expression far too eager for an answer that Shepard wasn't excited to give.

"She…uh…smelled it. Liara was kind of surprised that we have ones that smell like food, though…apparently asari only use flowers and plants for theirs, or something." She noted, thinking it was weird that Liara had found it so confusing. _And that she thought I was sending a message for me to be…eaten…Christ…_

"And? So we know she's interested in your history, she likes how you smell, she is most likely attracted to you, and you saved her life…and she saved yours…" Faridah listed off, each element a little hard for her to accept. "I'm going to have to agree with Heather, and I'm going to say that maybe you should give it another shot."

Shepard looked over to a vase of blue tulips near the edge of the bar. They were fresh, and had recently bloomed. _Seeds of flowers wait months…seasons to bloom. Each day just waiting to sprout, waiting to grow, waiting to bloom…so much waiting, so many false starts that can happen…maybe…_

"I'm not saying you put yourself out there a hundred percent, Amber." She heard beside her, not having noticed Faridah move the distance. "But just try. Do something for yourself, for once. Your future can still be bright."

She nodded her head, feeling entirely exhausted, but a bit more confident than she'd been in a long time. Not even that Liara would be interested, but just knowing that someone else believed in her, combined with that person being able to push all of her buttons.

"Faridah, can I ask you a favour?"

* * *

Heather was bored. It had been hours since the successful retrieval of Faridah, but she'd been stuck on duty all night, and wouldn't be able to see her friend for another few hours. Secretly, she wished she had Spectre privileges, but she knew she wouldn't be able to do the physical portion. So she waited, while she imagined Shepard and Faridah were having a nice relaxing chat.

"Hey comm girl, just wanted to ask…did you know that if you rearrange the letters of your name, you get 'A leather hunter'?" She heard Joker ask over her headset.

"No, not really. And don't even think about asking me to get into commando leathers." Heather shot back, more than a little grumpy that she was working the late shift.

"Spoilsport. And you can also get 'Urethane lather'. Hrm? Hrm?" Joker noted, nearly drawing a laugh from her despite his terrible suggestive phrases.

"Joker, you realize urethane is dangerous. There are better, easier ways to call me a bitch, you know. All of which will get you assaulted." She retorted, playing along so that she could at least try to amuse herself.

"And you can also get 'Threaten hauler'…way to live up to your name, comm girl." The pilot laughed, his insistence on sticking with anagrams beginning to annoy her.

"Joker, you've stooped so low, you can't reach my tits." Heather quipped back, noticing the voice channel cut out almost right afterward, followed by a set of repressed sounding laughs coming from the cockpit.

She grumbled off a few expletives and returned to her intense duty of wishing she was on shore leave for the night. It would be a long one unless her wishes came true.

"Heather?" she heard called out, the familiar melodic voice turning her head immediately. _Blue._

Heather took her headset off, resting it by her terminal and she spun her chair to face the asari. "What's up, Liara?"

She witnessed the prothean researcher's eyes shoot up to the ceiling, returning back down to Heather as a flicker of frustration washed across her face. Heather couldn't believe the asari would even consider such a thing, and wanted to laugh, but she just felt bad. She always saw others using human slang terms around her; some of the crew would do it to have some fun confusing her. She'd always felt the asari had an air of superiority about them, and certainly Liara wasn't an exception, but she didn't feel like adding onto the ribbing that night.

"I…was wondering if you could help me with a query of mine." The asari spoke calmly, but clearly still embarrassed for mistaking Heather's intent. Heather gave her a nod and a slight shrug, as she continued. "I was wondering if you could tell me what Shepard enjoys."

The question didn't entirely catch her off guard, but it was surprising to her that the blue wonder would be so up front. "Uh, and why are you asking?" she asked her, cautious to give away any details. She knew how Shepard was, and didn't know much about asari, and didn't plan on letting any mishaps go down.

"I have noticed she has been very stressed lately, and…rather down on herself. I wish to help her with that." Liara answered with a nervous smile. "And…I do not know very much about her, I realized. I am…curious."

 _Well, if it was only the thought that counted, I'd give it to you, doc, but…no go, tonight_. She thought, shaking her head. "Sorry, you'll need to go through her for that. Ask Shepard." She answered, reaching for her headset, halted as Liara stepped closer.

"Please, I cannot do that." The doctor stated sadly. Heather quirked her eyebrow up in question, something Liara seemed to understand. "Shepard…I am worried that she is angry with me. I do not want to approach her until I know how I can make it better." Liara finished, looking like a nervous wreck. Shepard had told her once that the doctor probably had some social anxiety, but she saw more than that in the asari's expression and body language. She saw enough to not think Liara was a lost cause, like Shepard had previously convinced her she was.

"Did…did you really eat Shepard's chocolate?" she asked the asari, who blushed furiously at the inquiry, her sheepish nod sending her into a laughing fit. It just seemed too funny to imagine the asari gobbling it up while Shepard watched, or while she had her back turned. It was too hilarious. She wiped tears from her eyes as she forced away her laughter, feeling pity for the anxious doctor. "I'm sorry, it's just…never steal food from her unless you're willing to make it up to her."

As if a light bulb was above her head and flashed on, Liara's face lit up with excitement. "That's what she must be upset about! I ate her chocolate, and didn't offer her any food in return. A simple solution…I merely had no idea Shepard cared for food so much." The doctor rambled happily, though Heather didn't buy the reasoning at all.

"Um, sorry to burst your bubble…uh, I mean, disappoint you…but that's not really it." Heather noted, feeling worse as the asari's face fell into confusion and disappointment. "She's just going through a hard time right now. Things haven't gone well for her lately. Just keep visiting her, she'll need your support."

She watched as Liara kind of disappeared into her thoughts, slowly shifting back and forth as she balanced on one foot and then the other. _Probably just a nervous quirk or whatever…a weird one, but…_

"Doc, do you have any musical talent?" Heather asked, recalling the doctor was high born, and was probably trained in something.

Liara broke out of her haze and nodded. "I play the Ekota, but it has been years since I have played…I do not even have one of my own anymore since my mother sent me away." Liara noted, her words tinged with sadness. Heather thought back to her own wonderfully obtuse parents and couldn't imagine them ever disowning her, which is how she saw Liara's treatment. "I was only ever satisfactory…strong enough to do circuits within Armali and Serrice for a decade, never taking a solo of my own. It was…somewhat embarrassing. I would not want to further embarrass myself by attempting to sing alongside Shepard, either."

Heather froze momentarily in shock, not quite believing the words that casually spilled from the asari's mouth. _Shepard? Sing? What? Since when…?_

"Uh, Shepard doesn't sing, she plays piano." Heather noted, correcting her warily.

Liara merely looked at heather as if she had two heads. "I have heard her voice…it is much different than my own, than traditional asari opera. We simply would not complement each other, I fear." Liara added a little woefully, totally ignoring Heather's surprise.

"You've heard her sing?" Heather asked, still stunned. Shepard had never ever brought that up. She'd always been secretive about her music; she had never really heard her play the piano, let alone sing. _And Liara's heard both? Fuck…how?_

"Yes, I happened upon her playing her instrument and singing one night. She was…surprised when she realized I was at her door. After we had talked, she was nice enough to play me another, although she did not sing that one." Liara explained, her reasoning making sense, though Heather couldn't imagine the asari's luck. For years she'd tried to sneak up on the woman while she was playing. She'd only ever gotten close enough to hear a note or two before Shepard had stopped, having some ludicrous sixth sense for sneaking Heathers.

"I've never heard her do any of those before." She noted, shaking her head in disbelief. Liara's shrug just perplexed her further _. She just doesn't think that's important? That…fuck. And she played her another song after? Methinks Amber's damn smitten with her, and also very, very blind. Damn, this was much easier when it was Faridah and her…just took a little prodding to push Faridah toward her. I saw how she looked at Amber, even if she might not have understood it at the time. Damn easy stuff, and at least only one of them was clueless. These two…_ "You're really lucky. She loves music." She finished, giving Liara a hint at what Shepard enjoyed.

Liara smiled in return, seemingly relieved to be given some idea of how to improve her situation with the commander. "Thank you for your help, Heather. I will look up music for her perhaps…" she spoke, her voice trailing off as she began to escape into her thoughts.

"I think that could be alright, but seriously…just keep visiting her. She'll really like that." Heather insisted, wanting the two to be around each other more often. If she had her way, the two would quickly become an item, but her skills were rather rusty.

"I am not certain that is a good idea, Heather. I do not want to further upset her, or make her uncomfortable, especially if she is managing some personal trauma or issue that is troubling her." Liara stated, shaking her head.

Heather got out of her seat slowly and walked over to the asari. "Liara, I'll let you in on a not so well kept secret." She said, Liara's attention immediately captured. _Damn, those eyes are blue as hell…_ she thought, shaking the distraction free as she continued. "Shepard, when left alone to think, tends to make mountains out of molehills. She hates disappointing others and herself, and if she has time to think…she'll get into a bad place for a few days, mentally."

Liara's eyes grew wide at the revelation. "Then…what can I do?" she asked, the doctor's focus so intent on Heather that she couldn't help but feel a little unnerved.

"You…can provide a distraction. That usually works. I tend to drag her into a kitchen and we make all sorts of food…and by the way, that chocolate you ate was a gift of hers from me, so you're going to take this advice." Heather noted, hoping she would have the doctor under her thumb, at least for the moment. "Honestly, I can't give any recommendations for music, I've never heard her play. We also don't have a kitchen on the ship, or any decent supplies, so food is out of the question. Liara, you need to watch a vid with her. Get her mind off things."

Liara's head cocked slightly to the side. "I…suppose that could be a worthy distraction, but…what if I have offended her in the past and she denies me?"

Heather shook her head animatedly, smiling. "You don't let her refuse. Insist that she watch the vids with you if you need to. Bring Blasto, or any horror vid, really. She'd love any of those."

Liara stood, her mouth quirked to the side, and Heather could almost see the thoughts rushing through the asari's mind, and could certainly see the indecision growing on her face. "I…there is not much space in her quarters…due to the cramped nature, I fear we will be forced to sit closely together, and that I will make her tense. Often, I have tried to ease her, and Shepard simply grows tenser. It is confusing."

Heather once again felt her jaw drop slightly at the casual confession. _What?! What kind of easing is going on between them? Shepard…what are you not telling me?_

"What exactly do you mean by…easing?" Heather asked, desperately wanting to know if there was anything going on between the two. It seemed as if Liara was saying one thing, and Shepard something else entirely.

"I suppose traditional asari relaxation techniques, touches meant to provide comfort, serenity." Liara stated offhandedly, nervously continuing with blushing cheeks as Heather gave her a questioning look. "I…suppose that perhaps such practice may be uncommon with humans. I…have not done proper research, it seems."

Heather gave her head a small shake, hoping her plan hadn't hit a snag. "Liara, you did honestly try to make Shep feel better with those, though…right?" she asked, earning a quick sincere nod from the asari. "Okay. Well, look, just go with the vid-marathon plan. Force her if she doesn't want to. She'll relent."

"You are certain that this will be alright? That she will enjoy watching vids, even if she is troubled?" Liara asked, clearly not convinced.

"She just needs time to realize that she doesn't need to be down on herself. Having someone with her, who she can just have fun and be comfortable with…it'll work. She's predictable like that." Heather noted cheerfully, earning a slow nod from the doctor. "And heck, I'll even throw you some vids and extranet sites to visit so you can brush up on human communication."

Her last statement brightened the asari's mood tremendously, and quickly found herself in a light hug. "Thank you, Heather. I will not let you down." Liara said kindly, pulling away.

"Hey, I should be thanking you. I just want her to cheer up, but I can't be the only one to help her out, right?" Heather said, getting a firm nod from the asari. "Now it's late, and you look tired. Just go get some rest."

Heather shook her head in amusement at the excited asari as she sat back down at her terminal and tossed on her headset. _Well, I did what I could…my plan may be so cunning that I could brush my teeth with it…if Liara can pull it off. Now all I need is for dense ol' Shep to stumble into the trap…_

* * *

There was so much to consider. Liara had spent the past two hours scanning some articles and watching videos that Heather had sent her. They all seemed much clearer than the peer reviewed studies she'd been using as a reference before. She hadn't known there were so many subtle ways of communicating, and that actions often had second or third underlying meanings for humans that she'd been entirely unaware of. The more she read and watched, the more confusing humans became to her. However, the more confusing they became, the more she wanted to know, and she had only stepped away from her terminal once her eyes could hardly see straight anymore.

A number of the sources did not paint the clearest picture of how to approach Shepard, but there was one rather intimate video that showed a variety of touches that she would have considered to be simply comforting or perhaps lightly sensual, where humans considered them rather sensual or even sexual. Liara blushed, recalling she had touched Shepard once in a similar way, but couldn't recall the woman's reaction. _The only thing I truly remember well is that…tantalizing shiver when I touch where her scar meets her jaw…Goddess…It seems certainly involuntary, but…did she feel pleasure from it? Did she want me to…oh Liara, do not be silly. Humans are impulsive, she would have told, or asked me to continue if she had enjoyed it like that…if she desired me…_

She moved across the room and sat on top of her cot, resting her head in her hands as she considered her options. _Should I ask her to watch a vid tomorrow? The ship is to be held here for at least part of the day tomorrow, so I have heard the crew say. Perhaps that would be opportune? She wouldn't be preparing for a specific mission…but…she may wish to spend time with that scientist woman. Or she may simply deny me, wanting to focus on the mission as a whole instead._ She mused, her thoughts darkening. When she had been told Shepard would not return to the ship, and was instead visiting the other human, her heart ached terribly. _I do not wish to feel something as petty as jealousy…if this woman has taken Shepard's heart, then I must accept that. But…I would have to question why she would leave Shepard alone for so long, considering human life spans are so short. Are they truly together? I…I cannot assume that. She may just be an old friend…Shepard said she was, at least…_

As she moved to slip under the covers, she heard the control panel for her door buzz. Curious, she delayed the end of her night and moved over to the door, her hand tentatively touching the unlock function. The door slid open and a figure practically blew by her; it took a number of moments for her to realize Shepard was in the lab, placing a large silver box on top of a crate on the far end of the room. Liara held her gaze to the woman, noticing her exhaustion as she turned, apparently relieved at where she had decided to place her object, or perhaps something else that Liara was unaware of.

"Shepard, is everything alright?" she asked warily; she had rarely seen the woman so out of breath.

"Just…that thing's kind of heavy and I had to carry it really quickly over to the ship." Shepard stated, sinking down onto one of the chairs near the desk. "I'm sorry…I should have asked to come in, it's late. I'm sorry." The woman blurted out nervously.

Liara slowly moved and sat on the swiveling chair beside her. She then noticed a small leather bag slung across the woman's torso. _Interesting…_ "I always like speaking with you, Shepard." Liara said with a smile, breaking eye contact to get a better look at the silver item. "What is the box for?"

Shepard's lips curled into a bright smile, and Liara felt her heart flutter at the sight. "I wanted to make good on a promise." She answered, cryptically, which only intensified Liara's curiosity.

As she went to ask a probing question, a dinging sound called out from the object, startling her. Shepard, momentarily reinvigorated, hopped off her chair and moved over to the box.

Liara watched with curiosity as the woman pulled some thick mittens from her bag and placed three plates on top of the silver object; one large and two smaller ones. She had an idea of what the commander had brought, which was confirmed as she opened the box, a familiar aroma quickly filling the room. It was slightly different from Shepard's, a little spicier, warmer, fresher. A smile crept across her face, not having expected the gesture.

Shepard quickly pulled out a tray and piled the contents on the larger plate, quickly shuttling between the desk and the portable oven as she placed plates in front of their seats, finally sitting as she laid the larger plate between them. The aroma was mouthwatering, and the food items were much different looking than she had expected.

"Faridah was kind enough to lend me this when I realized she had the ingredients. I had to make her a batch of her own before this one, but this one was made better. I'd never baked with a portable oven before." Shepard explained, using a small set of tongs to place one of the buns on each of their plates. Liara watched her take another container from her bag, squeezing a slightly thick white paste onto the buns, which quickly melted and seeped into the swirly cracks. "They're a bit hot, so I figured some icing would help them cool off a little."

Liara took an eager sniff, smiling at the product of the woman's efforts. "It smells absolutely delicious. Thank you, Shepard." She said, wanting to devour it, but not wanting to scald her mouth.

Shepard took off the mitts, her hands escaping into the curls on the back of her head. "I…just wanted to apologize for being a bit grumpy lately. I can't promise I won't still be a little down and out, but…everything's been a mess lately. I shouldn't let it affect how I am toward you or anyone else." The woman stated nervously, her eyes intently focusing on the bun in front of her.

"Shepard you do not need to apologize." Liara spoke softly, wanting to reach out and comfort her, but the information she had come across reminded her of how regrettable that could be.

"I just…barely anything's gone right these past weeks. Thousands were slaughtered on Eden Prime. Good Alliance soldiers were killed by Cerberus. The colonists on Feros all died. The poor biotics on Presrop were almost all killed. To cap it off, your mother's indoctrinated, which means it'll be hard enough to rescue her…even harder to figure out how to get rid of the indoctrination." Shepard noted sadly, shaking her head. "It's just been hard to stomach all that."

"And I did not do you a kindness in having you show me Torfan." Liara added quietly, avoiding the commander's shifting glance, and avoiding thoughts about her mother. She did not want to taint the last moments of the night, especially while in Shepard's company.

"Liara, I gave that to you. And…despite everything, I'm alright. It's nice to know that after years of saying that I'm alright about it, that I really AM alright with it." The woman retorted. "And we got a bit of a win today. Reminded me that I haven't failed at everything so far…I didn't fail you on Therum. And I didn't fail today, so we have some celebrating to do. Cinnamon buns seemed fitting."

"I suppose celebration is in order. Thank you for the food." Liara said, picking up the hot, sticky bun with a hand. "And thank you for celebrating it with me."

She watched the commander smile shyly as she bit into the food, the taste eliciting a faint moan of pleasure from her throat as she slowly savoured the food. _Goddess…this is…glorious!_

Liara gave another hum of contentment as she took another eager bite; she knew the icing was making a terrible mess over her chin and the surrounding area, but she truly didn't care. The brown spice lining the walls of the spiraling dough was tremendously tasty, complimented nicely by the sweetness of the dough and icing. She assumed it was often a dessert, but greedily eyed the stack of buns on the larger plate. If she truly wanted to, she could make a meal out of it. She wouldn't even feel guilty.

"Do you like it?" she heard the woman ask cautiously, her glimmering hazel eyes watching her expectantly.

"Shepard…" she spoke, considering eating the rest of the bun before resuming speaking, but her mind kicked in and placed her hunger aside. She had a guest, who had provided her the dessert, and who was speaking to her. "These are delicious! I had not expected anything so…rich and savory. Thank you so very much." She said, offering Shepard a kind smile before greedily finishing her bun.

"I'm just glad you like them. It's never any trouble to bake them, so long as I have the ingredients." Shepard said happily, her smile infectious as Liara felt herself reciprocate.

"So if I were to present you with a kitchen and supplies, and offered you work as a personal baker of mine, you would not object?" Liara asked playfully, taking another bun off the larger plate.

"Well, I suppose if there wasn't an overarching plot to destroy the galaxy, I'd probably be okay with that." Shepard noted, a light laugh sounding from her. "Though I'm not sure what you'd do with the extras."

Swallowing her food, Liara gave Shepard a sidelong look. "What extras? Truly, I am certain I could find many houses on Thessia that would finance such a business quite happily, Shepard. You are very good at this."

Shepard just laughed and got up from her chair. "Well, now that I know you're happy and fed, I'm going to go get some rest. The oven seals are air-tight with the switch at the top, so when you want to pack them up, just toss them back in and they'll be fine." She said cheerfully as she strolled toward the door, prompting Liara to look at the amount of dessert that was left for her. Shepard had only taken a single bun. "You can share them in the morning if you'd like, but I wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't."

"Shepard." She called out quietly as the woman pressed the panel for the door, bringing Shepard's attention to her. Liara gracefully made her way over to the woman and embraced her in a hug; her cheek rested softly against Shepard's, and her lips were barely an inch at most from her ears. She wished her hair was down, but she knew she could always try the get the woman to untie it during the vid watching session. "Thank you for everything. Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked, her voice soft and quiet, not wanting to harm the woman's hearing.

Shepard tensed slightly at her words, but she felt her head move up and down slowly. "Of course." The woman practically whispered, her voice slightly breathier. Separating themselves, Shepard stepped through the doorframe. "Sweet dreams, Liara."

Liara turned away and smiled mirthfully, happiness bubbling within her. She had been certain the woman was much too interested in the mission, or perhaps her old friend, to possibly care for her, but the small gestures Shepard had offered, and the body language the woman carried spoke otherwise. _She…she might feel it too…Goddess, that would be…exciting? I am not sure…it is all so confusing and new, but…she is so lovely_. She mused to herself, setting aside a third bun before placing the rest into the oven for storage. _Perhaps I will just need to return her affection…in manners she would be able to understand._

Taking a bite of the new, tasty bun, she smiled. _I shall have some compelling researching to do tomorrow._


	27. Sway

Breakfast was tasty. It had been nice to spend time with Faridah and Heather before they all had to return to their duties; Shepard needing to return earlier than the other two, who had planned to spend the rest of the morning together. She was surprised that very little was mentioned about her visit with Liara, and was pleased that she wouldn't have to undergo more interrogation. She wasn't sure she could handle it.

As Shepard strolled into the Normandy, taking a right toward the CIC, her mind slipped to the previous night and her decision. Red flags and blaring mental alarms had been going off over her minor attempt at apologizing, but she couldn't help but feel somewhat positive, even if just faintly _. I mean, she liked the food, and…she seemed alright with my apology, and she…hugged me. I mean, there's nothing in her reaction that says she likes me…at least, that way, but…even if there isn't, I do like being around her. She's good company, I guess. And…and she really doesn't seem to be manipulating me…at least I don't think…so it's not like I'll be duped into thinking my feelings are reciprocated when they're not…so maybe…maybe I can give it a shot?_

Shepard was broke from her concentration, Pressly's voice calling her away from her thoughts.

"Commander, Captain Anderson has tried to contact you twice this morning. Would you like me to make him aware you're back aboard the ship?" she heard the navigator ask.

She shook her head and offered the older man a smile. "It's alright. I'll change and then give him a call right after. Thanks for notifying me, Pressly." She said, continuing downstairs to the mess. Shepard knew she was in no state to address Anderson; Faridah had demanded she wear something other than her casual blues to breakfast, and she wasn't about to deny her friend. _But there's no way I'm going to meet Anderson wearing a hoodie and jeans, and with my hair down._

She strolled past the others in the CIC and down the stairs, giving casual salutes when necessary. Shepard's feet slowed to a halt as she went to take a shortcut through the mess hall, and found Chakwas with a cinnamon bun in her hand. _She shared! That's really nice of her…or maybe she didn't like them as much as she seemed to…aw, quit it Shep. Stop being an insecure dolt!_

"Top of the mornin' to you, Doc." Shepard said, as she moved to sit on the side of the table.

"Good morning, Shepard. Looking rather insubordinate today…is that hair regulation?" Chakwas asked cheekily, looking her up and down.

"Nah, but I'm a Spectre, and apparently this is one of the perks of authority." Shepard said, grinning, as she pointed to the gooey bun in the doctor's hand. "I take it Liara shared?"

Chakwas smiled widely, and gave a small laugh. "Yes, she came out earlier and passed a few of these around. I thought Ashley had died and gone to heaven, by her expression." The doctor laughed, giving Shepard a smug grin. "I can't help but imagine where she got those. She certainly didn't bake them herself."

Shepard just gave a shy shrug, her lips curling up slightly into a smile. "I'm sure it will be a great mystery, Karin."

"Well, if you ever do find the culprit, tell her to make another batch or two." Chakwas noted, quite amused. "And tell her that the lucky crew members, especially Liara, are very appreciative. Now, speaking of Liara…" Chakwas finished, peeking over Shepard's shoulder.

 _Liara?_ Shepard thought, freezing in place momentarily, a light, warm wave of emotions flowing through her. _What do I say? What do I do? I…just focus Shepard. She's been out and about more often lately, it doesn't mean she wants to see you…it doesn't mean you should be feeling like this…_ she mused, her heart flipping with anxiety. _Christ, you just gave her some food, that's it, it was nothing, just…just…_

Shepard turned her head to where Chakwas was looking, her heart sinking at the sight of Shiala, pacing nervously. _Just stop this foolish dreaming, Shepard. This is reality, and we all know how that works_.

"Shiala?" Shepard called out, the asari nearly tripping over her own feet as her head spun in Shepard's direction. "Come here."

Shiala obediently followed the command, coming to a stop a foot or two from the commander. Shepard gave her a good look over; the asari seemed to have been lacking sleep, and was certainly anxious about something.

"What's up?" Shepard asked simply, as Shiala's eyes darted toward the med-bay.

"It's nothing." Shiala answered tersely, though Shepard knew better. It wasn't often that the asari visited the crew deck, and she was clearly avoiding explaining her nervous behavior. _Well, I suppose now is better than ever._

"Let me make it clear for you…pacing near the med bay like a wild beast is not going to win you any points with me, Shiala." Shepard noted, a steely tone in her voice as she gestured the commando to follow her to the nearby lockers. "We've been keeping tabs on you, checking up on you. Done a few sit down question and answer periods. Those have gone well, have they not?"

Shiala's eyes rose to Shepard's, the asari's determination present, her nerves now settled. "I can hope they have." She answered, simply. Shepard popped open the top of one of the lockers slightly and gave the commando a cursory glance.

"Imagine there was water in that locker. Some would be spilling out right now, right?" Shepard asked, drawing a confused nod from the asari. "Now imagine that water is my trust that you're not indoctrinated."

Shepard barely had time to spin away as Shiala's hand shot out, slamming the locker shut, panic flitting through the asari's eyes for half a second. It was all Shepard needed, but she pressed, anyway.

"What's up?" Shepard reiterated, watching Shiala lean somberly up against the lockers. "You nervous because you're indoctrinated?" she added, knowing it would probe the asari into action. Sure enough, the commando's flinty eyes narrowed at her.

"I'm not…I wasn't pacing because I was indoctrinated…Goddess!" Shiala spoke out in frustration. "I just…why are you even asking? Is this a game to you?"

The accusation stung slightly, not expecting the asari to lash out. Shepard stepped up to the commando, resting a hand on her shoulder and taking a firm hold. "Liara's safety and well-being is not a game to me, Shiala. And yes, I know now why you're up here." She spoke her words slowly, letting each syllable sink into the folds on the side of the commando's head. "So listen carefully. I've told you before that my crew is my first allegiance, and that means Liara is the most important thing to me in this damned galaxy. If you cross me, if you harm Liara, I will hurt you like you could never imagine. And then I would hand you over to Tevos for some official torture. Do you understand the situation?"

Shiala simply stared into Shepard's eyes, remaining still for a number of moments before nodding slowly.

"Good. Karin!" Shepard called out, gaining the doctor's attention over at the table. "I would like you to escort Shiala to Liara, and ask her if she'd like to speak to Shiala unsupervised. And hopefully, Shiala here will understand and respect the opportunity she's being given, and the consequences if something were to go awry."

"And if Liara declines?" Chakwas asked, nearing the two of them.

"Then Shiala will adhere to her duty and remain under supervision as usual until Liara releases her from it." Shepard answered quickly as Shiala's mouth opened. She slowly guided the asari to Chakwas' side. "Does that sound fair?"

Shiala, looking somewhat relieved, gave Shepard a small grin. "It is more than fair…thank you."

Shepard waved the two off as they headed into the med-bay, her feet carrying her to her room. She wanted the two asari to have a nice reunion, and she wanted to trust Shiala. It had been clear from the moment that the commando burst out of the sac in the thorian's nest that she was important to Liara, and that meant she was important to Shepard.

As she opened up her cabinet, grabbing a clean uniform, she paused, running her hand across the deep blue material. It had been so familiar to her for years; it had been her solace in hard times when she didn't have Heather or Faridah's ears. She'd always been able to escape into duty as if it were all she had. It was hard, scary, to think she could have more than that. It once gave her comfort to look upon, to touch, but in that moment, it just felt like material. _Christ…_

She quickly changed into the uniform, feeling disappointment when it just felt like clothes. She felt naked, vulnerable, and stilled her burgeoning thoughts of the prothean researcher as she walked toward the comm room _. I feel her even when she's not near…Christ, I…I need to just try to focus. Anderson needs to talk. I'll get that out of the way, and then I'll do my rounds, and then I can just…just convince myself not to be such a fool. Why should I fall apart…or even risk it…when so many people need me? What are my dreams in the grand scheme of things, what's a bit of damn selfish peace of my own when galactic peace is at stake? I'm such a fool…_

Shepard soon found herself at her destination, and quickly set up a call for Anderson _. I need this distraction…please Anderson…tell me something good…please…_

Anderson quickly came up on the holo-projector looking a little weary and tired, from what details she could make out.

"Shepard, thanks for returning my call. I have…bad news." The man spoke, deflating Shepard a little as she grasped the control panel in front of her.

"Of course. What happened?" she asked, shaking her head, having hoped her good luck would stretch a little after Luna. It apparently wasn't meant to last.

"Rear Admiral Kahoku has gone missing." Anderson stated somberly, his words filling Shepard with confusion. _What the shit?_

Shepard stood stunned , her hands out in front of her as if pleading for Anderson to make more sense. "How exactly does a Rear Admiral go missing?" she asked, too baffled to even be angry. It made no sense.

"We hit a wall in our investigation into Cerberus. Kahoku has been pretty agitated the past few days, and we've had to keep things quiet lately…some of the brass have been asking around about what we've been up to." Anderson's words clearly dictated his frustration to her, and she felt her respect for him jump up a little. _Getting the job done, no matter what…good_. "He met with a 'friend' yesterday, and we haven't been able to contact him since. Twelve marines under his command also haven't checked in, and have gone missing."

Shepard nodded, letting the information sink in. "So he found the Cerberus base and decided to hit it? He couldn't have waited?" she asked, more speaking aloud than to Anderson; it helped her organize her thoughts.

"It's a foolish plan…he's older than me, and even though he's a good shot with a rifle, he's not in combat shape." Anderson stated tersely. She agreed, even if she understood why the man would go and rush off. It must have been something personal.

"Maybe there was information that Banes was there? That could get him in a rage, enough to grab some soldiers and rush off into battle without really thinking up a plan." Shepard said, trying to find an explanation for why Kahoku had needed to leave immediately. "Do you know where to find him?"

Anderson hesitated momentarily, but it was enough for her to get suspicious. She shot him a questioning look, prompting the Captain to spill.

"I…received some help. A contact had an operative that managed to notice Kahoku meeting with a known Shadow Broker agent. The operative managed to pull data from Kahoku's omni while he made contact with a number of soldiers." Anderson explained, hesitating every few words; she knew he was holding back information and didn't blame him. She likely would have done the same for her own contact. One that she suspected was providing the help, which brought a small smile to her face. _The Shadow Broker seems to hold the galaxy in a tight grip, but the Citadel has its own central figure…_. "Some of the transmissions between him and the soldiers mentioned Binthu, which is in the Yangtze system over in the Voyager cluster; a nice little isolated spot on the edge of the galaxy."

Shepard thought about what still needed to be done and worked out the timetable in her head. "Alright, I think that I might be able to speed up some of the shipments we need from Earth and leave here an hour or two early. Our ship's probably faster than theirs, so he won't have that big of a lead on us. Maybe half a day? Less?" she said, hoping they wouldn't be trailing the rear admiral by too much. She wasn't sure a dozen marines and an old soldier could really take a full-fledged Cerberus base. "Can you send me what you've got on Cerberus anyway? Could give my quarian genius something to do en route."

"Absolutely, I'll have it sent to your personal terminal. Also…we've found a minor link between the data from Feros and Saren. Have you ever heard of Binary Helix?" Anderson asked, Shepard quickly shaking her head 'no'. "Well, turns out he's a major shareholder in the company, and in the past month, Binary Helix has received a lot of shipments from Exogeni, and had sent a lot of crates to the Feros facility. We think he was keeping tabs on the thorian project, and that's why he eventually attacked it after he took it, trying to cover it all up."

"The real question is how he learned about it…it had been about a month since they found it when we killed it. That's a short window…so who told Saren?" she once again asked, not really expecting an answer from Anderson. "Send me copies of that info too, and keep your team working on it. Great work, Anderson, I really appreciate you sticking your neck out like this."

"It's the least I can do, Shepard. You're out there hunting him, I may as well be back here trying to trace him for you." The captain spoke happily. "Anyway, I had better get going. I'm supposed to accompany Udina to a meeting with the elcor ambassador…something I hear you arranged during your last visit? You're killing me, Shepard. Say hi to Karin for me, will you?"

Shepard gave a laugh and saluted him, cutting the connection soon after. She slowly made her way to a nearby chair and sat down, letting everything seep into her. She knew Kahoku going missing was bad news, but for the first time in a while, they seemed to have direction. _Direction involving Cerberus…not sure how I should feel about that. I don't want to endanger my crew but…Christ, they need to be stopped. I need to stop them._

* * *

Liara sat alone in her lab, nibbling away on the last of the cinnamon buns as she researched some vids to consider watching that night. She'd had been aware of very few popular vids, not having paid any attention to such things in years; there had always been research to do, or traveling, or analysis. In a way, she was happy to have a chance to share some recreational time with Shepard, but she was terribly nervous that she'd mess it up. _So far I have the first Blasto vid, and a horror vid called Eclerix 41…_ she thought, staring hard at the vid on her terminal's screen. _Would Shepard enjoy a mystery, as well? Perhaps it could be a good change of pace…this 'Dark Goddess' vid seems to have good reviews…_

A sound at the door quickly spun her around, not wanting to give away the surprise away to the commander, though she only found Chakwas and Shiala there at the doorway.

"Is…there anything I can help with Doctor? Shiala?" Liara asked warily, not having expected a visit.

Chakwas took a step into the room and looked over to Shiala. "Your friend here has come to visit, and I was wondering if you would like to speak with her privately."

The thought stunned Liara for a second or two, wondering why the doctor would disobery Shepard's orders, and why Shiala would come up and visit her. Her guardian had not made any such attempts during her stay on the Normandy, not even during regular eating hours in the mess hall, and had remained solitary for the most part down in the cargo bay.

"Has the commander given her permission?" Liara asked, eliciting a nod from Chakwas. She thought the prospect over for a few moments; she knew Shiala had been indoctrinated, but she was aware of the measures Shepard had put in place. For her to clear Shiala was enough, for the moment. "Then I accept."

Chakwas quickly made her way out of the lab as Shiala more or less stumbled forward, looking lost. As the door closed, Shiala fell to her knees, performing a ritual Liara felt unfitting for the situation. She quickly made her way off her chair and over to the commando, grasping her arm mid-motion, drawing Shiala's teary eyes upward.

"I am so sorry L...Lady T'Soni…I failed…I…I failed you and now… I've disgraced you and…and…" Shiala began to blubber, her formerly hard shell splintering and falling away rapidly. "I was so…so desperate to see you, and…"

Liara brought a finger to her mentor's lips, silencing the distraught commando. "Shiala, please do not believe you have done anything so heinous as to deserve such terrible punishment. You have not failed me." She spoke softly, noticing the words on the edge of Shiala's lips, desperately wanting to propel forth into the room. "I have forgiven you, Shiala. For some time now." She finished, pulling the other asari into a tight embrace.

She could feel Shiala shaking slightly, could hear her whispering words and doubts of unworthiness. She simply held on and held tighter.

"Shiala, do not be so sad. Are you not my sister?" Liara spoke, her words barely above a whisper, propelling Shiala to disentangle herself from the younger asari.

"I am not, Liara. I cannot be." Shiala said woefully, turning her head from her charge in her grief. "I have failed you and your family. I let your mother get lost in Saren's tendrils, and I cannot be forgiven for that."

Liara once again reached out, pulling the elder asari back into a hug, Shiala offering little resistance. "You mustn't think that. I cannot blame you for something you could not have known. I blame Saren."

Shiala merely stood straight within the embrace, arms at her side, head hung slightly. "I should have been more aware, I should have been stronger…strong enough to do my duty."

"You could not have known until it was too late. I know you could never betray us." Liara responded quietly, resting her head on Shiala's shoulder, her crests rubbing slightly against the commando's cheek.

"But I did." Shiala spoke, her words shaky and tearful as her body gave a sight shudder. "I…I betrayed you…"

Liara gently re-positioned herself, placing enough space between them for her to look directly into her mentor's grief-stricken, blood-shot eyes. "I refuse to accept that. The fact that you are here, showing how wounded you are over what another forced you to do…that is proof enough that you would never hurt me." She whispered, wiping the tears from her guardian's face as she began to initiate a shallow meld. "Now let go of your woe, I am here."

She pulled Shiala back into the hug, the commando gripping her fiercely as her emotions spilled toward Liara. She had expected grief, but nothing so colossal, and it took a moment for her to regain focus and do what had to be done. It was an odd reversal of roles that she appreciated more than ever, meeting each fear with reassurance, each feeling of despair with the warmth of encouragement, each slight sensation of Shiala pulling away from her with the draw of love. She smiled as she felt the doubt and despair dissipate from her guardian, feeling Shiala gently lean into her embrace.

 _I am pleased to have my sister back with me_ , she thought, immediately subduing the emerging sensation of doubt.

 _I am unworthy of such a title, Lady T'Soni._ She heard Shiala communicate, which spurred her to deepen the meld enough to share a memory.

It seemed to be evening, from the array of deep purples and reds washing into the manor's library, Liara's personal sanctuary when she was hurt or upset. Reading had always helped calm her nerves or temper, had always dulled the pain of her injuries, but it alone was not enough in this memory. Her eyes brimmed with tears, clouding the details of the room aside from the colours and vague shapes, her choking sobs echoing through the large space.

It was long past the hour when her mother would return from her duties, long past when she would be taken out to the garden to sing and dance and play amongst the flowers and trees. Benezia had been gone for nearly four months, on a tour that Liara could hardly understand, let alone accept. All she knew was that she was alone, and there was no one to ease her pain after a long day of being called pureblood, of being attacked and roughed up by some of the other students. Liara curled up into a ball, hugging her bruised, bloody knees as she wept, too busy at the time to hear the door open and, quietly, close; footsteps softly making their way to her. It was only when she felt the comfort of the commando's calloused hand, lightly stroking her crests that she broke out of her blind despair, reaching out and clutching tightly to her mentor, her friend.

 _Benezia was gone for over a year on that tour, and I had felt so terribly scared and alone._ Liara thought, sending feelings of warmth Shiala's way. _You were there for every scrape or fall, every bruise, every time someone called me pureblood, every time I felt hurt or lonely or afraid…do you remember?_

 _I do…you were only sixteen…Benezia regretted that tour immensely…_ Shiala responded immediately, sadness tingeing the thought as the memory continued on, Liara being held gently by the older asari, an unbelievable feeling of devotion and comfort emanating from it.

 _Then tell me you had no love in your heart for me when you would meld with me, when you would ease my pain and worries, when you would make me smile._ Liara insisted, ending the memory. She could sense the slight waves of pride rippling around Shiala.

 _Of course I loved you! I love you and Lady Benezia, I cannot stop._ Shiala spoke back, for the first time sending her own love through the meld, making Liara's lips curl into a smile.

 _I know, Shiala. You have always been so dear to me._ She thought, gently terminating the meld. Offering a smile to her guardian, she gracefully separated herself from Shiala and took both of her hands in her own. "Welcome home, Shiala. And…and I wish for you to be by my side when we bring mother home too."

Shiala touched foreheads with Liara and let out a happy sigh. "Thank you, Lady T'Soni."

"Please, Shiala…it's just Liara to you. Mother is not lost yet." She replied, happy to be reunited with her childhood friend, mentor, guardian. It was a good day, and with any luck, it would only get better.

* * *

Shepard sat at her desk for seemingly the second straight hour, wondering what she could do to shake the growing tension in her. It would take time to get to Binthu, and even though they were freshly on their way, it did little do dissolve the worries over being too late. _Damn you, Kahoku…why couldn't you have waited? A lot can happen in a few hours…and Cerberus…they could be waiting…_

The thought was distressing, and forced her to switch her holo-piano back on for the third time that evening. Her hands rested on the keys as the menu popped up in front of her. _Who above you are you worried about? Why couldn't you have gone to Anderson? Christ, this is such a shit-storm._

If it wasn't hard enough to know that Cerberus was out there, doing legitimately terrible things, she was also keenly made aware that the Alliance wasn't too far off, breaking council treaties by creating an AI. She kept the knowledge in her pocket, knowing it could be used in the future to force the Alliance's hand in something, if need be, but the fact that they were performing such experiments was deeply troubling. _Christ, did they not see what this did to the quarians? Where that led them? They had a council seat, and it was all taken from them…I doubt humanity would simply be exiled if they continue this shit and the council finds out. They're not Cerberus…not yet, but…damnit, I don't want them doing any of this terrible shit. And Faridah…_

Her mind turned to her old friend and her heart churned with worry, hoping the woman would be okay. _Not that I have any control over her…or that I can do anything but tell her to keep her head on straight, and to have eyes at the back of her head. And to call me if she needs help, of course, but…with Cerberus out there…_

The sound of her door slipping open broke her out of her thoughts, her eyes quickly darting to the side to see who was there. Seeing her new guest, she shook her head and brought her focus back to the holo-piano, choosing a pleasant, easy song to help calm herself. ' _Dreaming Light' should do the trick…_

"Can't help but wonder if you'll ever knock one of these days." Shepard said, chuckling as her fingers found their way across the keys.

"I apologize…was it improper for me to enter?" Liara asked, making her way through the room over to the desk. Shepard didn't have to look to know how close Liara stood. It was one of many things that both flustered and enticed her.

"No, no, don't worry." Shepard said, her fingers nearly fumbling as she spoke, finding it difficult to focus on both the music and Liara at once. "I enjoy your company. You're always welcome here… I just thought it was funny, is all."

Liara simply rested a hand on Shepard's shoulder; out of the corner of her eye she could see the asari keenly paying attention to the music being played. "Are there words to this piece?" Liara asked quietly. "It seems rather too simple for just a piano to be playing."

Shepard nodded, suddenly wondering why, of all the simple practice songs she knew, she chose one of the more romantic ones. "Yeah, and it has a few other instruments as well. I just play this to get warmed up a little." She explained, drawing a curious look from the asari.

"Playing this instrument warms you?" Liara asked, her head leaning further over Shepard's shoulder, her eyes darting around, looking for some heat source.

"It's an expression. It's easy, gets my fingers limber, gets me able to play more complex things without stumbling over the keys every few seconds." Shepard continued sheepishly. "Sorry I wasn't clear, I try to remember you're not used to human sayings and slang and everything."

"It is fine, Shepard. Anyway, I came to thank you for giving Shiala her freedom." Liara stated, her voice taking on a softer, more melodic tone that turned her insides to mush.

"It…it's alright. She tested as well as I could imagine, and…I can't be sure she's fully safe, but she seems alright." Shepard said, words stumbling out as she attempted to regain her composure. "I know she's important to you."

At that, Liara's hand left her shoulder, and she heard the asari move to sit on the nearby bed, which only increased her tension. As she continued with the piece, her curiosity bubbled to the forefront, bringing her head to turn and face the doctor.

"Um…so…is that it? What else do you want?" She asked, not sure what to say, or which direction to take with the blue beauty.

"Would…may I stay here and listen? I do not often have the opportunity to indulge in music. If you have time to spare, that is." Liara spoke kindly, her voice a lovelier song than the one she was playing.

Shepard hesitated, her hands slipping off the keys momentarily, before finding their place again. "I, uh…I was more or less just taking a small break between planning for the next mission." She reasoned, though the hesitation in her voice was sure to reveal just how committed she was to that. "I'm waiting on Tali to give me what she could find with her second run through Anderson's team's stuff, and then I'll probably look over the mission details again."

She watched Liara's head dip sadly, her teeth chewing gently on her lip, which was likely just a nervous tic, but Shepard had to still her heart, watching the slight motion. When the asari's head rose up and their gazes met, it was as if Liara had become someone else. There were the makings of a cool blue fire in her eyes, and she couldn't help but look away, blushing furiously at how her eyes alone could elicit such feelings from her. _Stupid space-magic eyes! This isn't fair!_

"Shepard, you deserve some recreation." Liara stated factually, her tone still soft, but brokering no argument. However, Shepard was never the smartest woman, and she knew that she wouldn't go down without a fight. At least, not until she'd made up her mind.

"Liara, there's a team of Alliance soldiers and a damn rear admiral heading after Cerberus, and I need to get a plan set up. I can't exactly put that off." Shepard retorted, stilling her fingers and spinning her chair around to face her guest.

"How long is the trip to Binthu?" Liara asked simply and quickly, her eyes intensely locked on Shepard's. _Christ, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep from sweating if she keeps this up._

Shepard perched herself on her chair, casually bringing up a palm to rest her head against. "Probably about two and a half days if we push this lovely ship of ours." She answered, hoping Liara would relent, but the small, growing smile on the asari's face told her otherwise.

"Do you have schematics on the facility? Do you know what force you are up against, what resources they have?" Liara asked, quickly poking holes in Shepard's rationale.

She ducked her head slightly, grimacing a little over the fact that she was caught. "We won't know until we get close, within an hour or so out." She said quietly, her eyes darting away from Liara's yet again.

"So why would you possibly need days of planning when the only information you likely have access to is the planet's environmental data?" She asked, her voice softening a little, giving Shepard hope that maybe, just maybe she can get out of it. _I just need time! I don't know yet!_

"I need to do SOMETHING, Liara. Anything." She stated firmly, gripping the handles of her chair. _I need to figure out if I should just not even try, or…_

"You should relax, Shepard." Liara said, her voice smooth as the finest silk, as she rose from the bed and moved to Shepard's side. "Tali is looking for what she can, but she needn't be rushed, and there is little that you can do right now except rest and relax. Stressing over this will not help you."

She shook her head slowly and sighed, knowing Liara was making sense, but she didn't quite want to give in yet. "I don't want to be helpless…I don't like feeling helpless when I have a goal." Shepard said, mouth quirking to the side as she considered her options. They, more and more, seemed to be stacking in one specific direction.

"Then I propose you make a goal of taking a single night off to relax and recuperate from your injuries. I know you have had trouble sleeping again, I can see it across your face, Shepard." Liara reasoned, the final words signaling her defeat as much as anything.

Shepard cautiously looked up at Liara and knew that despite her misgivings, despite her worries, she'd had her answer for a while. She just hadn't been willing to accept it. However, simply knowing what direction she should take wasn't enough. _I need time to figure out how the hell I'm going to do this…_ she thought, looking down at her bruised arms, sensing the throbbing ache of her left shoulder.

"I…yeah, I haven't been sleeping all that often lately. I'll get rest in a few hours, I promise." Shepard said, spinning her chair back to her desk and placing her hands back on the keys, tapping away at the familiar song from before. Almost immediately, Liara's hand not so gently slammed down and clutched Shepard's right, holding it in place.

"You…you will take the next hour to do what you need to, and then…then we are watching vids!" Liara stated firmly, though the asari's nerves were clearly audible in her voice. Shepard felt herself blush again, unable to resist the rush of emotions flooding through her body. Unable to resist looking at the hand tightly holding her own.

"Look, Liara…" Shepard began, shakily, before being cut off by the loud smack of an OSD on her desk. _Christ…_

"I will return in an hour and we'll watch at least one vid. Do…do you understand?" Liara asked, her steely tone faltering at the end. Shepard turned and met the asari's gaze and couldn't help but smile at the doctor's insistence.

"I guess I can't deny you, when you helped feed my team." She said, feeling entirely self-conscious, certain she was beet red from blushing.

Liara's body language immediately softened as her expression shifted to a shy smile. "They were delicious, I could not keep them all for myself." Liara noted, a tinge of purple flooding her cheeks.

"Are they all gone?" Shepard asked, earning a shy nod from the doctor. She couldn't help but laugh and smile, glad to know they were enjoyed. "I'm glad you liked them."

"W…well…I'll be back in an hour." Liara stammered out moving slowly toward the door, before turning around near the table to face Shepard, a slight look of determination back on her face. "And…and relax. What…what's the human expression? Let your hair fur down? Do that."

Shepard held back a giggle as the prothean expert hastily made her exit, and burst into laughter as the door closed shut. "Hair fur? That…" She started, shaking her head as she spun back to her holo-piano. "That's just too cute to pass up. What's gotten into her?"

As she pressed her hands back onto the keys, she let a thought cross her mind, and smiled at it. _Maybe…maybe I got into her…I mean, I don't know why, or how, but…maybe? It's possible…_ she mused, deciding not to continue playing. She'd need the hour to prepare. _Well, doctor, I suppose if you want me to relax, then I'll go ahead and relax. I'll let you take the lead here, but I'm not just going to passively follow. Let's dance…_

* * *

Liara couldn't help but shake her head at the sheer idiocy of the two main scientists, watching in frustrated silence as they, instead of quarantining the planet, decided to hunt the monster that had killed over three quarters of their original research team. To say she found the vid annoying would be a terrible understatement. _They have not followed any sort of protocol for encountering new species throughout this entire vid! Even I, an archaeologist, had to be trained and tested on such protocols, as they're important. For these characters to ignore all of that and dive blindly into this creature's realm…oh Goddess, that turian is going to be slaughtered. I am glad this is nearly over…_

Just as she finished her thought, the creature popped out from the murky depths, immediately tearing at the turian scientists' plates as the human woman looked on in horror. A muted shriek cried out beside her as she felt Shepard slightly lean into her, the blanket they had been using for warmth pulled up and over her eyes. Liara couldn't help but be endlessly amused, if a bit confused, about how such a person could be frightened by a woefully inaccurate and unrealistic vid, but she felt it all rather endearing all the same. _It is not as if I detest having her close to me. I just…I did not expect this…_

She had spent hours preparing for the night, looking up all sorts of human customs, hoping to communicate her desire clearly, but modestly. She was rather worried that being too forward would scare Shepard off, or would send the wrong message. _And here I thought, watching a horror vid, that she would….well, she is a powerful woman, and…I expected her to be the calm, stoic one, more like the males in the research. I was even prepared to cozy up to her in scenes I imagine would have been scary…to help her feel protective._ She mused, turning her gaze to the woman huddled beside her. _I suppose it's better this way…I'm terribly annoyed by this vid, and she's frightened, nestling up to me…perhaps…_

Liara unsteadily moved her arm and wrapped it around the woman's shoulder's gently tugging her closer. The immediate response of shepard pressing herself against her body filled her with confidence and brought a smile to her face. _Perhaps this vid wasn't all that bad…_ she thought, the monster popping up again, apparently, prompting Shepard to comically cover her whole head in the blanket. _I may have gotten some blackmail material out of it…_

She enjoyed the comforting embrace through the last minutes of the vid, until Shepard detached herself at the sound of credits rolling. The immediate loss of the woman's body heat was saddening, but that mood didn't last long, as Shepard detangled herself from the blanket. _Goddess, her body is glistening!_ Liara mused as she stared at Shepard, who was busy working some tangles out of her hair fur.

"Why did we watch the horror vid first, again?" the woman asked, her voice surprisingly a little shaky. Liara could hardly believe the woman would be so affected. The slight waver in her voice reminded her of the night when she was given Torfan, Shepard moaning from pleasure from her touch, her voice holding the same character. _If only I could just kiss her right now…that would be too forward, though…I have read that kissing happens at the end of a first date…_

As Shepard went to turn to her, Liara realized it may be a good time for an intermission. "I didn't want you to have any more nightmare fuel for when you went to sleep. I imagined that putting this first would prevent any stress it caused from carrying over." She explained as calmly as she could, trying her best not to let her eyes stray from her face. "Would you like some tea before we start the next one? That is…if you are up for another?" she added, a tiny smug grin curling at her mouth. She hoped a little bit of goading would continue the woman's relaxation time, giving her more time to rest and heal up. _And certainly more time for me to get closer to her._

Shepard's eyes narrowed, her damp curls swaying as the woman gently shook her head. It was somewhat mesmerizing. "Of course I'm up for another." She practically growled, getting up off the bed, which they had made into something of a makeshift couch with all the pillows and blankets and sheets from both of their beds, having piled many of them into a soft, cushiony barrier to rest against.

Liara quickly got to her feet and followed Shepard through the door, admiring the slight sway of the woman's hips.

"Shepard, how you can stare down the thorian without blinking, yet be frightened by a fictional creature that was discovered in much the same way?" She asked playfully, hoping she wasn't pushing the teasing too far.

Shepard spun around, making backward steps to match Liara's pace toward the food counter. "Because, Liara, mutant SPIDER creatures are scarier than slimy plant thingies." The woman stated quite seriously, shaking her hand in the air for emphasis.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Liara spotted Tali peek out from behind the mess area's separator wall, visibly shaking, her head scanning around the area frantically. "Spiders?" the quarian asked simply, clearly terrified.

Shepard turned to face Tali and took a step toward her, reaching out a hand, despite the distance between them. "Tali…tell Liara that spiders are scary." Shepard nearly pleaded, her tone deathly serious. Were it not Shepard, Liara felt she would have been laughing loudly at their absurd reactions, but instead merely went to the counter and began preparing tea, suppressing her laughter as best as she could.

"Liara." She heard Tali call out, drawing her gaze to the quarian, who seemed to be shaking even more, but attempting to steady herself. "Spiders are SCARY." The quarian said slowly, pounding a fist into her palm at the last word for emphasis. She simply rolled her eyes and continued brewing the tea, ignoring her two friends as they both discussed the terrifying nature of spiders.

Instead, her mind was drawn to an earlier moment, when she had arrived to begin the vid marathon, catching Shepard slipping on one of the sleeveless tops that Liara was quite fond of; Shepard's curly hair fur looking slightly more defined and thicker than before, a look that she felt suited her. _And she smelled different…much sweeter…I fear it may be another food, and perhaps I might be able to get away with a little nibble…no, Liara. Remain calm and patient, she…she has not shown signs that…hrm…_

Memories throughout the vid returned to her silencing her doubts momentarily, recalling all of the vulnerable positions the woman had been in, all of the viewing angles she had provided her. _All of the gentle touches at the start, which led to her grasping my hand, my arm, my body…she is clearly more comfortable with me and…Goddess, those shorts she's wearing leave little to the imagination! It is as if she wants me to stare! Especially with her glistening…am I supposed to simply look away?_ She thought, glancing over at Shepard, who was having an animated conversation with her quarian friend. The woman practically glowed under the mess-hall lighting. _They are close, are they not? Perhaps…perhaps I have made enough progress tonight…perhaps it may help her rest to include Tali…_

Finishing the batch of tea, she poured out two cups and carried them toward the others. "The tea is ready, Shepard." She stated, smiling at the commander before turning to face the quarian. "Tali, would you like to join us?"

That Shepard's body tensed up didn't go unnoticed, and Liara swore to determine the cause of it sooner than later. "Oh! Um…no thank you. I mean, I appreciate the offer but….uh…I have other plans. Maybe another time though, I love watching vids!" Tali rambled nervously, wringing her hands as she slunk away slowly.

"Oh…well, then. I hope you have a pleasant night, Tali." She said with a smile, guiding Shepard back to the room, taking sips from her delightful brew. Immediately, she noticed a change in the woman; Shepard was stiffer, more distant, more tense. When they sat down, Shepard sat a fair bit further away than she had before. Liara glanced back at the door as a realization came to her. _No…Shepard…she is interested in Tali?_ She thought, the mere idea shooting a terrible ache through her chest. _They, I admit, have been quite close…I had not imagined…_

Liara turned her gaze back to Shepard, who looked as if she had mentally checked out. In that moment, her sadness transformed into determination. _No…Shepard, I am sorry, but you may find that I will not give in so easily._ She mused, pulling her gloves off slowly and drinking the rest of her tea. _You may not desire me tonight…but you will not be desiring her._

"What vid would you prefer to watch next?" Liara asked playfully, resting on her side, her head inches from the woman's thigh.

Shepard was more unresponsive that Liara had hoped. "I don't really care, pick one." The woman said flatly, still seemingly distant.

"Well…after how terrible the last vid was, I suppose you do owe me…even if your company has been rather pleasing." Liara added, using her omni-tool to select the mystery vid she'd picked out earlier in the day.

"This one is called 'Dark Goddess'…it is supposed to be rather interesting. A mystery of sorts." Liara continued, moving to a sitting position directly beside Shepard, a plan forming in her mind.

"I take it the asari made it?" Shepard asked, entirely lacking enthusiasm as she downed her entire cup of tea.

"Shepard, your lack of enthusiasm wounds me. I hope you realize that we asari can be rather intriguing." She said, practically purring into Shepard's ear. That, she noticed, managed to crack through the woman's newly formed barrier, noticing Shepard's breathing hasten slightly, her cheeks flushing, the tiny hairs on her arms standing on end as the skin formed what her research had called 'goosebumps' _Good…welcome back, Shepard._

"Uh…I…I'll give…um…right." Shepard stammered out, her eyes darting back and forth between Liara beside her, and the screen ahead.

Liara kept close proximity through the opening credits, eagerly breathing in the woman's neck, brushing shoulders in feeble, fake attempts to 'get more comfortable'. As the vid's opening scene began, she acted out her best shudder, drawing Shepard's attention momentarily. "It's chilly in here."

Almost instantaneously, Shepard was there draping a warm, purple blanket over her shoulders. She gave the woman a kind smile and leaned softly against her. Minutes passed and quickly, Shepard's attention was entirely drawn to the vid, enraptured by the characters and the plot. _Good…yes…_ she thought pulling the blanket a little tighter as she slowly moved to rest her head on Shepard's shoulder. The woman gave a cursory glance, but didn't pay much attention, returning her attention back to the screen, giving Liara enough time to execute her plan. It had been years since she had faked sleep, having perfected a soft little snoring sound in order to get out of escapades to the clubs and bars by Serrice University with her peers. Feeling quite clever, she let out the sound, cuddling up against Shepard and half-rolling onto the woman, her head resting softly on her chest.

"What the…" she heard escape Shepard's mouth, her body tensing slightly, but soon relaxing again. "Christ."

Liara simply nuzzled her head against the woman, enjoying the feeling of her hair fur tickling her crests. She felt Shepard's heartbeat rise, and heard what she imagined were curse words that her translator didn't catch, whispered under her breath. Remaining determined, she pressed a little further onto the woman.

Suddenly, she felt herself being lowered, noticing from the sounds that the woman was repositioning the cushiony wall they had created, pushing it further back so they could lay down. It brought a sly smile to her face, realizing that Shepard was laying them both down, rather than simply repositioning her body alone. It was then that she realized the flaw in her plan; she'd initially wanted to fake sleep and wake up on Shepard's lap, but she couldn't help but feel immensely comfortable cuddling with the woman. _Perhaps I can delay the whole waking up part…the vid is nearly two hours long…_

Stealing a glance as Shepard twisted slightly, she noticed her reaching for a single pillow and realized that perhaps she needed to take some action. Shutting her eyes, she snaked her arms lazily around the woman, gently embracing her around her chest and shoulders. She felt the hot breath of the woman's sigh across her forehead, and a few more hesitantly spoken words she couldn't understand. For a moment, Liara's determination slipped, wondering if perhaps she was making the woman too uncomfortable. For a moment, she abandoned her plan. _I...may have made a mistake…oh Liara!_

Lifting her head groggily, eyes half lidded, she gave a small wordless moan and raised her gaze to Shepard's face, who quickly realized she was 'waking'.

"What…?" she asked, quickly cut off as Shepard's hand found her crests and began stroking them softly. Liara couldn't contain the hum of contentment from the gesture, enjoying the woman's touch. "Shep…the vid?" she asked hazily, legitimately distracted by the human's warmth and touch.

"Shhhh." Shepard hushed, gently easing Liara's head down onto her chest again. "It's alright, just stay...just sleep." The woman spoke, her words soft as down as she placed the pillow behind her head and let the both of them lay fully on the bed; Shepard's head slightly propped up to allow her to see the vid.

 _Maybe not a mistake…_ Liara thought, clinging tightly to the woman, entangling her legs around Shepard's to ensure the commander couldn't escape easily, and giving her a little more of the contact she craved. Slowly she let her body travel up the woman, her arms snaking around Shepard's neck and shoulders as her head rested in its crook, letting her breathe in the sweet scent freely as more of the woman's hair fur curtained her head. _She is very comfortable…_ Liara thought, letting out another pleased murmur as Shepard continued stroking her crests. _Especially when she does that…Goddess!_

Just as Liara felt soothed and at peace, the hand on her crests left, prompting Liara to instinctively nuzzle further against Shepard's neck, her lips brushing softly against the tender skin, taking advantage of the moment to plant a light kiss.

"Holy shit…" Shepard noted as a shiver ran through her body, her words barely louder than breaths, but fortunately, Liara was rather close by to hear them. She felt even more fortunate as an arm found its way around her, hugging her body against Shepard's. Liara felt her breath catch for a moment, surprised at the gesture, and Shepard responded immediately, hushing her still again. "It's okay, you're okay…you're…Christ, you're better than okay. So much better, so just sleep."

She smiled at the words, feeling her heart leap and flip from the minor confession, humming in appreciation as she sunk into the woman's embrace.

For a while, Liara lost track of time, feeling so comfortable and peaceful from the result of her trickery. It was only the constantly repeating music from the vid's menu that lured her back to full consciousness, realizing the vid had long been over. _Goddess…did I actually fall asleep?_ She wondered, feeling something firm against her forehead. Opening her eyes she saw the sleeping face of Commander Shepard, strands of hair fur between them, her slow, hot breath on her cheeks. _I didn't fall asleep…WE feel asleep. I…I had expected to 'wake', and slowly seduce her, perhaps, but…perhaps this is better?_

She lay in the woman's strong arms for a time, letting her leg trail gently up and down one of Shepard's, enjoying the sensation. _I could get used to this…though I mustn't think too far ahead…if she is interested in Tali, I have much work to be done…_

When she finally realized she'd be better off leaving, she took a few minutes to disentangle herself from the woman, smiling as Shepard reached out for her in her sleep. _If only…but if I know you…you would not enjoy waking to such a surprise_. She thought, placing a pillow in her place, feeling satisfied as the woman clutched it tightly and remained still. It was a puzzling revelation. _She…is she not normally a fitful sleeper? Heather told me as much before…and I have seen as much…yet when she was holding me, she didn't move an inch…_ she mused, smiling brightly at the notion that she helped still the commander's nerves.

Liara took the time to cover the woman with blankets, hoping she would make the most of what seemed like it might have been her first restful sleep in a while. She looked over the woman, realizing that over a small period of time, she had learned a few new things about the woman; things that only seemed to make her more interesting. _I think that if we watched another horror vid…I may just take advantage of her next time…Goddess…_

Spotting a datapad near the woman's holo-piano, a small idea came to mind. Liara, grinning like an idiot, typed away on the device and left it by the terminal, which she shut off, seeing as the vid was quite over. She checked over her message twice to ensure its clarity.

_Shepard, I had a wonderful night. I hope that we can do this again, and I promise I will not fall asleep the next time. I hope you slept well, and I would very much wish to see you for morning meditation._

Enjoying her message, she turned and walked back over to the bed and knelt by the sleeping woman. Feeling a little brave, perhaps due to the sleepy haze or newfound confidence, she kissed two of her own fingers and gently pressed them to Shepard's cheek, giving the woman one last caress before she left, sighing as the curly-maned woman leant into her touch.

"Good night, Shepard." Liara whispered softly into her ear, as she collected some unused pillows and blankets and returned with them to her cot in the lab, unable to wipe the smile off of her face. It was a good night.


	28. Songbird

A smile stretched across Shepard's face as she woke, having had, for the first time in days, a wonderful dream; she'd laid on her hammock by Melody's tree and spoke to her sister. It had been the first truly peaceful sleep she'd had in a very long time, and it had been too long since she'd dreamt of her sibling in any positive way. She went to nuzzle into the pillow she felt in her arms, but her mind gave pause, knowing something was amiss. It was then that memories of the previous night filtered into her thoughts. _Liara…_

So much about the asari had caught her off guard. What she felt were her most foolish hopes seemed very much to be not so foolish, recalling Liara's behavior. Her demanding they both relax together was already enough to get Shepard hot and bothered, but the smaller moments had really set the tone for her. She'd always been terribly embarrassed over how afraid she'd get during horror vids, and Liara had only playfully teased her. _And that was only after she held me close. Christ…when she pulled her arm around me, I swear, I just stopped shaking. And…well, it quickly got pretty damn warm under that blanket…_

She laughed as she let go of the pillow and rolled over in her bed, noticing a datapad propped up on her desk. _Well, I guess that explains why she's not here with me. I'll admit, it would have been…nice…but explaining to the crew why Liara's exiting my room this early…yeah, I don't really want to give that talk._

She chuckled a little to herself, at how idiotic she'd been after the little intermission, thinking Liara had wanted to be closer to Tali than her. _Of course, I just HAD to go and wall up after that…maybe if I hadn't jumped to conclusions, I would have noticed her falling asleep. Maybe…maybe I could have said something, or done something to show her…Christ, well, all's well that ends well. She…she did give me a goodnight kiss, even if it was on my neck…_

Shepard brought her hand up and brushed the spot that the doctor had pressed her lips to. It had been the moment that her doubts flew away, that her heart practically ignited, that she knew she'd made the right decision, mission or not. It was as if a void had been filled somewhere in her, and even though Liara was away, she at least knew that there was some attraction. _I mean…who kisses someone else if they don't like them? I mean…on the neck? I'm pretty sure that even asari would find that…more sensual than just a friends thing._ She mused, flipping off her warm blanket and getting to her feet, gently cursing over how much of a mess her hair was in. _Though she did stare at it a lot last night, so maybe it was worth it…seems she likes my 'hair-fur'…_ she thought, giggling as she took the datapad into her hands and read the message, her heart feeling as if it were preparing for a gymnastics competition. Checking her chrono, Shepard noticed there was a mere fifteen minutes until when Liara would schedule her meditation.

Quickly, she set out some clothes and a towel and popped into the shower, washing her sweaty body and managing to pull her hair into a somewhat messy bun. She didn't want to miss the session, and didn't want Liara to think poorly of her, or that she didn't want to be there with her. It was a flurry of new thoughts and, while they were perhaps a bit stressful, she couldn't stop grinning. _Maybe Faridah's right…maybe Liara likes me and just likes hanging out with Tali? Hrm…well, it's definitely possible…and suppose I'll just keep prodding in hopes for more answers. And…she did say she had a wonderful night…if I can have more of those in my future, I wouldn't complain…_

Finishing up, she stepped out of the shower and toweled off, humming along to a tune in her head as she got dressed. _I'll do some meditation with Liara, I'll get the crew in order, help Ash prep mods and weapons, and start planning for Binthu. Should be a good day._

* * *

Ashley heard the slight delay in firing, offering her the chance to slip out of cover again and pepper the Cerberus soldiers in the next room. Her bullets continued to tear at the enemy's defenses, exploding tables, lab equipment, and deteriorating the structure of the few sturdy pillars some soldiers hid behind.

She slid back into cover as her weapon cooled off; they'd slowly whittled away the Cerberus forces, pushing them back from room to room to room, and she could tell their morale was at an all time low.

"Got a sniper at 10' o clock, but he's gunshy. Two with assaults hiding behind the second to last medical bed on the right. I saw one escape into the next room, but it looks like it's more of a storage room or closet from what I saw." Ashley spoke, turning her head to Garrus. She was rather pleased to be stuck with him, as she felt he complimented her well. Shepard had taken Liara and Tali in her main group, and Kaidan had been saddled with Wrex, a duty she didn't envy.

"So just three?" Garrus asked, receiving a nod. He shrugged his shoulders and peeked his rifle out of the doorframe, aiming it at the tip of an assault rifle behind one of the beds. Ashley watched him pull the trigger, and a distinct yelp echoed through the lab as one of the Cerberus soldiers jumped from cover, trying to escape into the storage room like his peer. A second pull of the trigger ensured he wouldn't. A third pull, sending the rifle into a screaming mess of overheat alarms, silenced the sniper behind the pillar.

Ashley admired the turian's composure; there was a time where she questioned if Garrus could hold his own with soldiers, but she'd become convinced of his military history and aptitude. She strolled out of cover and over to the final Cerberus soldier cowering behind the bed, and ordered him to kneel and turn his back to her. She promptly tossed her set of flexi-cuffs on him, keeping an eye on Garrus, who was keeping an eye on the storage room doors in case of a surprise attack. The sound of an explosion and the spray of blood brought Ashley's attention back to the soldier, the impact of bone shards and gore on her visor reminding her why she liked wearing her helmet. _What the heck!_

She'd expected to take one in for questioning, to get answers to what was going on. Instead, a mostly headless body was slumped on the floor, bleeding profusely. _Idiot! You'd throw your life away over this? How the hell did that even happen?_

"Spirits! Figures they'd give their workers implants, but..." Garrus started, shaking his head with disgust. "Whatever they were working at, they don't want anyone knowing. We need to keep going, Ash, they might be destroying more evidence."

Ashley nodded and got to her feet, following Garrus to the door. On the count of three, Ashley opened it and scanned the area with her rifle; it wasn't a dark, dingy storage room, it was a hallway with a number of closed off cells ahead of them, with another door at the other end. Taking a deep breath, she trudged forward cautiously, wishing the doors to the cells were transparent, wondering why they all seemed like miniature blast doors.

"This isn't right, Garrus… watch the rear, something's up." Ashley said, cursing as the sound of steel scraping on steel ran through the room, all the doors sliding open upward. It was only an instant before Ashley knew exactly how much trouble they were in, though her confusion delayed her initial reaction for a half second. A half second too long, as the swarms of enemies piled out of the cells toward them. "Spitters!"

She immediately began firing into the hordes of thorian thralls, confused over their presence, angered at her foolishness in walking into a trap. Her bullets tore through them, sending many to the ground, but they were fast, and they were many. Even with Garrus firing off his assault rifle, they were in terrible trouble very quickly.

Ashley swapped out her assault rifle, grabbing her shotgun as she kicked one of the thralls away. She was able to fire one burst off, blowing the crowd back and killing a few, before she felt herself hoisted off the ground and tackled to the hard steel flooring. Again, she fired from her back, kicking and flailing her weapon at her attackers, the spray of acid panicking her into a fury. _I'm not going to die like this!_ Ashley groaned internally, sweeping one of the thrall's feet and using the wall behind her as leverage to get back to her feet. She felt the sharp talons of a thrall slice through her rubbery body suit under the armor, reminding her of the danger and the crowd in front of her. Gritting her teeth through the pain, she used her shotgun as a bat, exploding the thrall's head as more tackled her up against the wall. She knew that she could take three or four, but there were eight.

And then, after a short wince from another slashing attack, there were three; five of them having been tackled to the ground by Garrus. Ashley refused to waste the opportunity, pulling out her knife and slicing through the frail thralls, never taking her eyes off the visceral destruction to her left as the turian tore through them with his weapon and talons.

The two of them finished off their attackers, breathing heavily and ensuring nothing on their armor was too severely damaged. She pulled Garrus to his feet, seeing he was just sitting in a goopy green puddle, and patted him on the shoulder.

"Thanks Garrus, you saved my ass there." She said, giving him a smile.

"I guess we're even now, after Feros." Garrus laughed, starting toward the door they'd initially been heading toward.

Ashley recalled the amusing annoyance of having to lug Garrus around for over an hour. "Not so fast…I had to put up with hauling you around through that Exogeni building. No way we're even yet." She quipped, imagining the turian smirking from behind his helmet.

"And here I thought the pleasure of my company was a bonus." Garrus noted wryly. "Well, if anything comes to mind, just let me know. Or don't…I was an investigator for C-Sec, after all. I'm sure I'd find out."

Ashley merely snorted and readied her assault rifle near the door. "Let's just finish up here and get back to the others. Call Shepard, tell her there are creepers."

* * *

"Tell me something I don't already fucking know!" Shepard yelled out, her warp detonating yet another group of thralls that Liara had managed to cluster together with a singularity. "Do you have any idea what the hell is going on here, Garrus?!"

"Look, we kind of ran into them near the labs down here, I'm not exactly sure how Cerberus got their hands on them." The turian spoke over comms. "And all the people who might have answers keep exploding their own heads."

"You're the damn investigator, figure it out!" she yelled, cutting off the channel. Shepard was furious, and while she knew it wasn't Garrus' fault, she couldn't help but lash out a little. She'd felt something was wrong on Feros, and seeing the thralls all the way across the galaxy meant that it was likely Cerberus had a hand in it. The colonists and thralls had died when the thorian there was killed, so it was probable that Cerberus had another hiding around. _Whether they found and stole one, or whether they grew one…not sure. They found the thorian a month ago on Feros…what progress could they have had in that time? These are weaker, and only human shaped thralls, but…Christ. I can't believe they've done this._

Shepard looked back at Tali, who was hiding back and using Chiktikka to corral the thralls for them, and was pleased to see the minor amount of dead green puddles near her. Ever since running into the acid-spitting doppelgangers, she'd been terribly anxious for her quarian friend. She hadn't known Tali for all that long but she'd quickly come to adore and respect her, and with those feelings came responsibility. Tali being hurt by acid again was not an option.

Shepard tossed a grenade into the approaching pack, taking a bit of pleasure in simply getting them out of the way as the explosion rocked the area. It all seemed a little strange, though. _The thorian on Feros could control maybe a dozen or so at a time, but…this thing is controlling at least two dozen at a time. Were there more of these things? But…the soldiers and scientists here weren't all wearing helmets, and didn't show signs of being controlled, so…what the heck is going on?_

Cautiously, she led Liara and Tali out of their cover and further through the room, stepping around the acidic goop puddles. Shepard called them to a stop as she noticed to her right yet another entrance to holding cells, likely where the creatures had come from in the first place. Signaling caution, she led the duo into the dank, dark hallway, the doors all open already. One by one they slowly advanced, checking the cells for any inhabitants before continuing. As she reached the third last cell, Shepard stopped, Liara nearly bumping into her from behind, unaware that she'd halted.

They had seen remnants of the Alliance soldiers since their mission began, but most had been intact, killed by gunfire rather than by the thorian's creatures. The mission Kahoku had run was a suicide run by anyone's measure, and though the released thralls seemed to signal that the soldiers did well in dispatching Cerberus' armed guards, it still had seemed to be a failure. Seeing Rear Admiral Kahoku's body slumped at the end of the cell, his neck slit open and torso showing acid burns, merely cemented the foolish endeavour's failure.

"Fuck." She muttered, walking into the cell and kneeling by the body. He held nothing in his pockets, and he'd been dead for hours. Shepard held her hand to her earpiece, activating her comms, selecting the Normandy's channel. "Joker, we're going to need the med team to get prepped, we've got some dead bodies to recover, and I'm sure we could use a little patching up too." She noted, wincing as she stretched her right shoulder, where one of the thralls had slashed open.

"Aye aye, Commander." Shepard heard the pilot speak, his two second delay in cutting his channel long enough to notice a faint yelling sound in the background. She assumed that once again, he'd been tormenting Heather with his pranks, and couldn't help but shake her head. She was glad someone was enjoying themselves. Explaining a rear admiral's death to Alliance brass wouldn't be the least bit fun, she knew.

Switching channels to Kaidan's, she let out a sigh and activated the channel. "Kaidan, status report." She said, hoping he and Wrex had cleared their portion of the facility. She stepped out of the cell and began moving back to the larger room, deciding that heading back to the central hub would be a good idea at that point.

"We're all clear on this wing of the station. Wrex's made sure that every single one of those thorian things is dead. We came across a door I wasn't able to hack, though. Seems pretty heavy-duty, I might need Tali's help." The lieutenant stated over the comms.

"Good work, Alenko. We're clear here…unfortunately, we found Rear Admiral Kahoku's body. We're heading back now to meet up at the hub and debrief. Get there as soon as you can." She spoke, cutting the transmission as she rounded into the room.

She wished it had gone better; the crew didn't need another failure on their mind. _Or, more accurately, I don't need another. The crew has been handling everything pretty well, it's just…_

"Shepard!" she heard Liara yell, a blue barrier immediately surrounding her as the asari leapt a step in front of her. Her battle instinct took over immediately, her eyes instantly scanning the area and catching the glimmer of a scope half hidden behind a doorway across the room. The spray of purple blood and the impact of Liara's body against hers distracted Shepard for a mere moment. _Proton rounds…low damage, but from that distance…_

"Tali, get Liara to cover!" she yelled, charging at her newfound foe, cutting off the sniper's shooting angles as she continually burst forward; one bullet finding its way through her armor directly after a charge, but she pushed on, finding herself within inches of the sniper. She'd seen some of the Cerberus soldiers and scientists heads burst, and knew there must be a trigger mechanism. She'd come across the odd non-Cerberus terrorist in her day, and many still used tooth implants to trigger the effect.

Maybe she wanted the sniper to potentially be alive. Maybe she wanted him to suffer. Ultimately, her fist collided fiercely with his left cheek and, in one swift motion, she used a lift on him and grabbed hold of his jaw. Clamping her other arm to the one gripping the soldier, in an attempt to get more force, she swung his body through the air and into the wall, snapping the jaw off as the man cried out. She picked up his rifle, attached it to her maglock, and took any weapons or items on his person as he squirmed in pain. Satisfied he was no longer a threat, she charged back to the cover where Tali had brought Liara.

Her hand immediately went up to her ear and connected to the Normandy again. "Joker, get Chakwas down here NOW. One of the crew's been wounded." She said, cutting the comms before the pilot could even respond. Her hands sought out her small, portable medkit, and quickly opened it up, grabbing the tubes of medi-gel and a scalpel. _Fuck fuck fuck I'm such an idiot! Who doesn't scan a hostile environment? Who just fucking waltzes in like a fucking green recruit? Damn it!_

She gently moved Tali aside and got a look at Liara, who was breathing heavily. Shepard felt herself gasp as she saw just how close the bullet had come to the asari's heart, and quickly detached the chest plate. Applying some pressure to the wound, she lifted Liara slightly, nodding at the lack of exit wound. _Well fuck me sideways, it's a proton round…not a real bullet, get your head back in the game! You seriously fucked this up…big talk about protecting Liara, and you go and let this happen…_

"Shepard, you're bleeding." Liara noted weakly beneath her, drawing Shepard from her thoughts.

She shook her head and cut away a small part of the rubber bodysuit, before returning to her med-kit and grabbing a bottle of painkillers and a syringe. Shepard quickly filled the small device and sought out a vein in Liara's neck, slowly emptying it into her bloodstream. "You're going to be okay, I promise." Shepard mumbled, setting aside the syringe for the tweezers, using them to take some of the visible shrapnel from her armor out, her heart aching at the pained sounds coming from the asari. She fought back her emotions as she removed a large, sharp piece of ceramic plate. "I'm so sorry, Liara."

She made no effort to hide her sorrow; she knew Liara, if not Tali as well, would be able to see through whatever mask she tossed up. She just worked away, carefully pulling out whatever damaging shards she could, before packing the wound with medi-gel.

Looking down at her work, somewhat happy with it, she took the patch of rubber she'd cut out and used some sealant to put it back over the wound. "Can you stand? Can you walk?" She asked Liara, who winced as she nodded. Shepard and Tali helped her to her feet, but it was clear that she would need help as they made their steps back toward the exit. Shepard could feel her heart just screaming out in her chest as Liara staggered and winced, each breath pained, and each movement slowed by the painkillers.

"Here, can I try something?" she asked, gently stopping the asari in her tracks. Liara gave a short, slow nod, her eyes darting away. Shepard shook her head at the look of shame on the asari's face and used a biotic lift on her before positioning Liara to lay in her arms. "You took a bullet for me, Liara, I don't want you to be upset at anyone but me right now, alright?" she asked, looking down at the asari's face as she concentrated on moving smoothly and carefully through the base, doing her best to focus her biotics into Liara to sustain the lift all the while. Liara simply blushed and looked away.

Shepard held back a sigh. She knew she'd have two asari to talk to that day.

* * *

Shiala had been there in the cargo bay when they had brought Liara in. She had followed the small crowd into the elevator, silent as the medics worked on both her charge and the human gunnery chief. She had followed them to the doors of the med bay, only ceasing to enter after the doctor's orders, finding herself slumping against the nearby wall with worry. Her eyes scanned the area, and noticed many of the crew evacuating the mess hall, heading either up to the CIC or into the elevator. Only the quarian, the turian and the human woman who had tested her a number of times in recent days. All had their eyes on the woman Shiala wanted to hate. She wanted the Commander to hurt for every moment of pain she had allowed Liara to experience. She wanted to dole it out herself, but she wasn't certain that was the proper reaction. Anger and pain were to be used to incite feelings of responsibility, shame, remorse, all three of which were already becoming clearer by the moment through the commander.

The woman's face was like that of a baby bird hatching from an egg, her sorrow slowly breaking through the calm, concerned exterior, revealing itself to the world. Wanting to spare the woman from the public self-destruction, she grabbed her by the arm and roughly led her into the battery. It was a small, cramped room, and she felt it would work for what had to be done.

"If you want to hit me, do it. I deserve that much." Shepard mumbled out, sagging against a machine of some sort.

Shiala looked her up and down warily. "Why would I do that?" she asked simply, attempting to calm herself. Her Liara was in danger, and the cause was a mere foot from her.

"Because I deserve it… Liara took the bullet meant for me. Because I saw that you wanted to. That you still do." The woman muttered, raising her eyes to Shiala. She saw the tears brimming at the soldier's eyes and shook her head.

"I do not attack people who are already defeated, Commander." Shiala spoke, noticing the trickle of fresh blood oozing from the woman's right shoulder. She placed her hand on Shepard's left and pressed her up against the machine. "Tell me how she came to harm, and tell me true."

Shepard's gaze never left hers as the woman recounted the event. "I found the corpse of our target. After sweeping his body for anything important, I decided the teams should meet back at the hub. I was distracted for a moment thinking…thinking about how I've led the team into another mess of a mission. How I was partially responsible for a lot of good people's deaths. Liara noticed the glint of the sniper rifle before I did, and erected a barrier." Shepard said, her voice surprisingly calm considering the pain being written across her face. "Her barriers are normally damn strong, but the sniper used proton rounds. Blew through her barrier and because she'd jumped in front of me, it hit her in her chest. Would have hit me in my heart otherwise, I think, by what I can remember."

Shiala nodded, recalling many times in the past half century where she'd had to combat forces with those ammunition mods. They weren't impossible to stop, but more powerful weapons would usually go through any but the most focused barriers. _Well, at least they aren't often terribly lethal. But in the right hands…_

"And is that wound from the same weapon?" Shiala asked, pointing to Shepard's bleeding shoulder.

Shepard nodded sadly. "I couldn't let him shoot her again. They don't penetrate all that well, but they can still be deadly, especially from a damn Titan model rifles. Fucking Cerberus."

Shiala hesitated, an idea forming in her mind, before pressing Shepard a little harder against the steel cover of the device. "You've said before that Liara is your main allegiance. I want to show you what you're fighting for, in case you've forgotten." She spoke, her tone cold as she slowly began reaching her mind out. Shepard seemed to sense her presence and nodded. "Embrace eternity."

She navigated one of her most prized dreams through to Shepard, fighting off the woman's natural resistance with ease. The woman's offense halted as a scene erupted before the both of them. A massive, glorious garden of all colours and shades fabricated itself in their minds; grown asari populating the stone walkways as smaller, younger asari populated the grassier patches, playing games in and around the plant life. Shiala moved her focus far down the path, moving down the walkway and beneath the ihltar fern overhang, glowing blue as it often did in the first days of spring. It had been one of the more popular plants used to decorate the Janiris festivities, and the young child ahead of her always loved them.

Shiala halted at the edge of a small round nook and watched the young asari dance to the far off orchestra's music, the child's eyes too enthralled with the glowing blue ceiling of ferns and the ornate, elasa berry covered fountain in the middle of the small area to notice her guardian. She couldn't help but feel the sheer joy emanating from Liara, then a mere twenty nine, and smile. She also felt, outside of the memory, a sense of awe and shame from the human.

 _This was during an annual festival on Thessia. Benezia had many friends and family to attend to that night, so she had me watch over the young one for her. It was my first time watching her during Janiris._ She thought openly, sensing immediate confusion from the human, though she suspected it was merely the woman's lack of familiarity with the melding process. _She is such a bright light in this galaxy, Shepard. If she had died, this would have been my happiest memory of her._

Shiala took a moment of silence, letting the memory finish, Liara finally noticing her and giving her a smile so bright it would have made any star in the galaxy dull in comparison, at least on that night, in that moment.

 _I am only three hundred and seventy nine, Shepard. I wish to be there for her bond mate ceremonies. I wish to be there when she ascends into the matron stage. I wish to see her become a matriarch that will lead the asari, the galaxy, into a better future like her mother. If Athame wills it, she will be at my deathbed from old age and I will know I have accomplished my life's work. That I will have had centuries to watch her blossom_. Shiala thought, not relenting as she felt Shepard's remorse storm around her mind. _If ever you have doubts, if ever you feel complacent, remember this moment of mine. That young asari is who you swore allegiance to, Shepard. Do not forget that duty again._

She briefly eased out of the meld, leaving the woman shaking slightly against the machine she was leaning on. She knew that, like turians, volus and hanar, humans felt meld sickness quite strongly. That, along with the guilt, was a fair punishment, she felt. She could hardly lash out at the woman, considering how similar of a position the commander was in to her own after Feros. It was clear by the woman's expression that she understood the magnitude of her failure, though she couldn't help but wonder whether the woman would react the same to each member of her crew in the same circumstances. _She barely even gave the gunnery chief a glance during the elevator ride…she was so focused on Liara…_

"Have I made myself clear?" Shiala asked, noticing the woman appearing a little calmer, more secured, though still visibly guilty.

"Clear as crystal." Shepard spoke, meeting Shiala's gaze again. "Thank you."

The woman gestured her to follow her out, and the two moved down the hall toward the mess, the turian propped up against the food counter while the rest seemed to have left.

"Garrus, are you feeling alright?" Shepard asked the turian as she neared him. Receiving a nod, she continued. "You'll join Kaidan, Wrex, and Tali. I want you all to head back in there, find whatever you can about that place. Salvage anything. And find out what's behind the damn door Kaidan found. I want reports the moment you find out anything."

Shiala watched him hop off the counter and give her a nod. "I'll tell the others."

Reminded by her anxiety and restlessness from being held aboard the ship, she stepped forward, getting into Shepard's field of view. "Shepard, if this ground team lacks biotic support, I would be happy to help."

The woman cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Wrex and Kaidan are biotics, they can probably handle anything that comes up." Shepard noted, staring at Shiala for an extra moment or two. "But sure. If you want to finally get off this ship, you can."

"Thank you. I am…eager to be able to do something other than meditate." Shiala reasoned, drawing a concerned expression from the woman.

"Well, don't thank me quite yet. Just in case it might make you uncomfortable, though…there's a chance that there's another thorian in the base. If you don't want to handle that, that's okay with me. It won't shine poorly on you at all, I know it must have been pretty hard down there on Feros. And we'd need this thing alive, just in case." Shepard explained, sighing. "Truth be told, I find it hard to believe there could be one, but we fought the damn thralls down there. So yeah, you can back out if you want. I wouldn't blame you."

The mere thought of facing down a thorian unnerved her. It was scary, and it brought back the nagging headache that had gone away in recent days. _Another thorian? Did they not learn enough from the first? Are these humans just more idiotic, longer living salarians?_

Still, the idea of facing that which she was sold to, the thing that owned her, controlled her, used her, was enticing. A chance at redemption and closure.

"I'll be fine, Shepard." Shiala said firmly, giving a nod to the turian before following him to the elevator. She hoped her day would get more interesting, and that when she returned, Liara would be healing and awake to see her.

She had a feeling the human would see to it that Liara would receive all the possible help and comforts in her leave, and she couldn't help but smile at the thought as the elevator descended.

* * *

It had taken a little over two hours before Shepard was allowed inside the med bay. She had heard seven reports from the ground team on Binthu, and confirmation of a thorian's presence. She was happy that Garrus and Tali were there to investigate, but even happier to hear Chakwas' voice over her room's comms.

"Shepard, she's awake and asked for you." Chakwas stated, pausing for a moment as Shepard quickly made her way across her room. "And she will be fine."

The last sentence of the doctor's transmission forced a relieved sigh from Shepard's lips, thankful for the good news. She practically ran over to the med bay doors before freezing mere inches from the entrance sensor. _What the heck do I even say? Oh hey, sorry I let you get shot? What the hell…what the hell do I even say or do? Why would she want to see me?_

Shaking her head, she decided she had no answers to any of her questions and felt it reasonable enough to wing it. _If she's angry or upset at me, then I can stomach that. I'd deserve that._

The door slid open, revealing Chakwas resting at her terminal, and Liara further toward the back of the room, in the same bed she'd been in after Therum. Shepard suppressed a smile as she stepped past the doctor, mouthing a thank you to the woman as she passed, and made her way to Liara's bedside, pulling up a chair. The sound of moving furniture brought Liara's attention over to Shepard.

It was clear that Liara was on some painkillers, and coming out of anesthesia, but her heart soared as the asari smiled brightly upon seeing her.

"Shepard. Good morning." Liara spoke, slurring lightly as she smiled.

Shepard kept herself from giggling as best as she could, fully aware that it was clearly not the morning. According to standard time, it was closer to seven PM than seven AM. "Hi Liara." She choked out, so happy to see the asari pain-free and awake. She had let her imagination get the better of her in the past few hours, and it was nice to release that burden. After taking a moment to steady her voice, she continued. "Are you alright? Do you need anything?"

"I'm a little hungry, but I'm still kind of tired. Is it morning?" the dazed asari asked, her eyes squinting.

"It's the evening, actually. Don't worry, I can get you something to eat and drink." Shepard answered quickly, offering Liara her own smile.

"Oh…that makes sense then. I…I will pass on food for now. I am a little tired." Liara spoke, bringing her free hand to her eyes, rubbing them gently.

"I should leave you to rest then." She said reluctantly, not wanting to leave the scientist's side, but not wanting to keep her from rest.

Liara shook her head slowly, reaching out for Shepard with her hand. "No, stay. I…I'm sorry my barrier wasn't good enough." The asari noted sadly. Shepard shook her head at the apology and took Liara's hand, lightly grazing the blue palm with her thumb.

"It was from a very powerful rifle, using a very special ammunition made to pass biotic barriers. And you were the one who got shot Liara, because I was careless. Please don't apologize, it was my fault." Shepard reasoned, loving the feel of the asari's hand in hers, those space-magic blue eyes meeting her own hazel set.

"Oh. Okay." Liara said hazily, leaning slightly on her side to better face Shepard. "So I was not a burden?"

Shepard brought her other hand to Liara's face, caressing the worry off of the prothean expert's face with each soft touch. "Liara, you are never a burden. If not for you, I would have been shot a few times. I might have been hurt badly."

Liara's gaze dropped down to Shepard's wounded shoulder, now covered by her casual blues. "You were shot." She stated, worry returning to her face. Shepard leaned in slightly closer and smiled.

"I'm all patched up. Chakwas came and fixed me up while you were recovering." She said, taking delight in how quickly Liara seemed to be reassured.

"Good." Liara said simply, her voice filled with an easy joy as she happily yawned. "I'm a little tired, I apologize."

Shepard knew the asari would be pretty out of it for a while, and figured it would be better to talk to her later. _I've seen her and…and she's fine. She'll be fine_. "I really should let you rest, Liara. I'll be back in a few hours if you want."

Liara sleepily gazed at Shepard, vainly attempting to blink away the encroaching sleep. "I want…" the asari started, pausing mid sentence for a number of long, torturous seconds. "I want you to sing me a song." Liara finished, a smile stretching wide across her face.

Shepard blushed at the request; no one but Liara had really ever heard her sing, and she had planned on leaving that as a one time thing. She'd never found her voice to be anything special, and she often was embarrassed by how quickly she could find herself singing along to music when she was alone. Nearly every part of her was holding strong to her insecurities, telling her to decline, to do anything but sing. Shiala's memory of Liara dancing around without a care in the world, however, inspired a little bit of courage in her, alongside the kind smile the asari was currently giving her.

"A…alright. But…but you have to turn your translator off." Shepard stammered out. "If I'm going to sing you to sleep…then…then I might have to choose a song that has lyrics that might not be all that soothing, out of context. I mean…yeah."

Liara lazily brought up her omni-tool and Shepard helped her deactivate the translator for a span of a few minutes.

"What are you going to sing?" Liara asked, softly slumping back down onto her bed. Shepard got up out of her chair and stood by the asari's bed, giving her crests a gentle caress or two before speaking in astral, so Liara could understand.

"A song that I heard a friend sing once." Shepard answered simply.

Liara looked at her, slightly confused. "You speak astral?"

Shepard allowed herself a small laugh. "Don't sell me short, Liara. I'm fluent, and in a few years, I might have armali down as well."

"I wouldn't ever sell you, Shepard." Liara said between yawns. "What is the song called? What is it about?"

She leaned in close and prodded Liara lightly in the stomach. "It's called Songbird, and if you can remember that name a few hours from now, someone might provide you a terminal to research it." She noted playfully, stroking her hand lightly across the dazzlingly freckled crests.

In truth, the song had been something of a comfort for her in more difficult times, and each night for weeks, she would sleep to the music on loop, often the only cure for her woes at the time. It reminded her of her friends, and the comfort and safety they'd provide, but she imagined in this case, it could apply. _Even if I can't say I mean the lyrics in a certain sense…I do care for her…aw hell, let's just get this over with. She's tired_.

She let the first words come out fairly hushed, doing her best to try and make her voice as soothing as possible. "For you, there'll be no more crying. For you…the sun will be shining. And I feel that when I'm with you…it's alright. I know it's right." She sang, earning a pleased smile from Liara as the asari's eyes closed. She heard Chakwas swivel in her chair, but pushed past that shred of anxiety.

"To you…I'll give the world. To you…I'll never be cold. 'Cause I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright. I know it's right." She continued, her hand moving down to stroke the asari's cheek. "And the songbirds keep singing, like they know the score. And I love you, I love you, I love you…like never before."

As she hummed along to the piano parts between the lyrics, she saw Liara doze off happily, a familiar snore escaping her cobalt lips. Shepard stroked the asari's head a few more times, hoping Liara was comfortable, happy and was starting a restful sleep.

As she lifted her head sheepishly, she noticed Chakwas had turned back to her terminal and was sitting rather still, hands on the desk in front of her. Shepard slowly made her way from Liara's bedside and quietly tiptoed through the bay, halting near the doors as Chakwas's whisper met her ears.

"Shepard." The doctor called out, freezing her in her tracks. Shepard turned around, meeting the older woman's gaze; Chakwas had a small grin curling at her lips as she gave her a knowing look. "You should have let her keep the translator on. She would have found it delightful."

Shepard blushed at the thought and shook her head, letting out a low chuckle. "Maybe another time, doc." She answered, turning away and moving out of the med-bay with a difficult question filling her mind _. Do I love Liara? Can I say I've reached that point, or do I just care for her? Does it matter at this point, anyway? So what if she kissed my neck and I…I sang to her? Christ, this is really confusing. A day at a time, Shep. A day at a time._ She thought, as she walked into her room and comically plopped face first onto her bed.

 _I need some help. I…might need some guidance right now._ She mused, nuzzling into her pillow, using her leg to pull the blankets into arms reach, allowing her to grab a few hours of comfortable sleep. _Maybe I'll see about it tomorrow._


	29. Crosses

"And that's how Tali and I tricked Joker into thinking the ship might explode." Heather noted, a sly grin stretching across her face. It had been a nice plan of action, and she'd been thrilled that Tali agreed to join in. Certainly, it had been a time-sensitive operation, and she knew there would need to be a monumental distraction for her to get what she wanted.

She watched as Shepard's laughter slowed, her face flushed from hearing Joker's reaction. Heather had never seen him panic like that, and she knew in her bones that the pilot would pay her back for it.

"I can't believe you two. Just…just don't do that when we're on a mission, I don't need Joker to have a damn heart attack." The commander said, clearly too amused to scold her.

"I won't, don't worry. Besides, all's well that ends well. I pranked Joker, and I learned something new." Heather said, barely able to contain her own excitement. She'd planned for this moment for a while, and in her wildest dreams, she didn't think she'd be able to use some of the 'resources' she'd collected over the years. It wasn't often she could use puns. _I just to wait patiently…like a panther…but with puns and jokes instead of teeth and claws…_

Shepard leaned up beside Heather's terminal and raised her eyebrows quizzically. "Oh yeah? What'd you learn?"

"That Chakwas is remarkably easy to bribe." She stated with great pleasure, finding great amusement in the quick shift in Shepard's expression from amused to embarrassed. "See, I heard she liked Serrice Ice brandy, and…"

"Heather, if you tell anyone, I swear to god…" Shepard interrupted, seeming to panic slightly, which caught Heather off guard. _Hrm…I wonder what happened down there?_

"I'm not sure what you're getting at Shepard, but how about this…" she noted playfully. "You tell me what you did with Liara in there, and I tell you what I did."

Shepard paused momentarily, some clarity coming to her eyes as her expression evened out. "You don't actually know, then. Well, I suppose I'll just shut up." The woman stated, a hint of a grin mulling at the edges of her mouth.

"You should be thanking me, really. Think it's a coincidence that prank happened right when you went in to visit Liara in the med bay?" Heather asked, turning back to her console, pretending to work away at a diagnostics report.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked warily, she could see her friend's eyes narrow slightly.

"Everyone in the mess hall knew how worked up you were after the mission, and there ARE cameras. Joker was most certainly watching, and he likes to snoop. Now, I think arranging a prank on Joker so you can visit your girlfriend in private…I think that's deserving of a big old thank you, but maybe I'm just being a little modest." Heather reasoned, her tone growing more playful as she spoke, noticing Shepard's body language soften.

"I…thank you, Heather." Shepard said quietly. She could feel the woman's hazel eyes on her, and decided to meet them. _She looks…sort of happy, I guess_. _Though a little off._ "But she's not my girlfriend." Her friend finished, unable to contain a slight smile, or the twinkle in her eye.

"Maybe it's not official yet, but be serious Shep…she could come up to you all sultry-like and blatantly tell you she's wet, and you'd probably run off to get her a towel or something." Heather said, laughing at the mere thought she'd conjured up. She knew it was bad taste to laugh at her own jokes, but she couldn't help it. _She's just so clueless sometimes._

"Very funny, Heather." Shepard drawled out slowly and sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I'm pretty sure I'd…I'd…"

Heather latched onto her friend's sudden hesitation, deciding she was ripe for a little more teasing. "Make good on those diving lessons? Show her how to play the clitar? Hrm?" Heather asked quickly, loving the deep shade of red Shepard's cheeks were turning. "You'd fall madly in bed with her?"

"I'm glad you're having fun, Heather. That's all that counts in the end, isn't it?" Shepard pouted, turning her head away.

And suddenly, her amusement sifted away, replaced with guilt. "Amb…Shepard…I wouldn't be teasing you if I thought there was any chance of that fetching blue lady not liking you back." She said softly, as she got out of her chair. "She likes you. You like her. Just…you can do it."

Shepard shook her head, a stifled laugh escaping her. "I was so damn worried, and I don't know why. I've been peppered with proton rounds before. Easily a dozen at once, and I lived. Seeing her hurt, though…" the commander said, her voice trailing off as she winced. "It was scary. So now I…I like her, but I don't want her to get hurt, and then on top of that, you know how things turned out with Lee…"

"Don't even bring that bitch into this. I know damn well that you wouldn't ever…ever fall for someone like Lee again, so don't even think about that. And you're a soldier…she's not, but she's here." Heather noted, stepping closer to her friend, grabbing her shoulder. "She's going to get hurt again, if this mission is as dangerous as you say it is. But you're amazing, and I know you'll keep her safe. So don't worry."

"How can I not? She's…how can I not worry about everything involving her? She barely knows me! She thinks…a heck of a lot differently than I do. How are we even compatible? You've seen her, even her fucking shadow has grace. What can I even offer her?" Shepard asked, growing slightly more animated before Heather decided to lightly press the woman against the wall.

"Easy, Shep. The answer's so easy, so simple." Heather said quietly, pulling her right hand from Shepard's shoulder and poking her right over the heart. "You give her this."

Shepard closed her eyed and sighed, taking a few seconds to think, seemingly. "And what if that's not enough?"

"Then I've misjudged her. Besides, this morning in the mess, doc was rolling her eyes, saying how…" She started, making her best Chakwas face and accent. "'Liara's jubilation has been absolutely insufferable.' Give yourself some credit, Shep. Your little visit must have made her pretty happy." She finished giving her best reassuring smile to the woman in front of her, who began to blush furiously.

"Shit…" Shepard muttered, though the happy smile growing on her slightly panicked face spoke to a bit of dissonance between her words and feelings. "She remembered?"

Heather knew the opportunity was too good to pass up and desperately wanted details. "Remembered what?" she asked eagerly, causing her friend to blush harder.

Just as Shepard's mouth opened, Liara's voice came in over her headset. "Heather, are you busy?" Liara asked, the words muddying up her hearing of Shepard's mumbled answer. _NO! But…Hrm…_

Heather hesitated, holding up a finger to Shepard, signaling to her that someone's on the line. "I'm not running any projects right now. What's up?"

Shepard nodded sheepishly and bided her time nearby, her cheeks slowly returning to their natural colour.

"I was…hoping to ask you some questions. I have run into a slight obstacle, and I would really prefer someone more familiar with human culture help me with it." Liara spoke nervously, making Heather grin a little. She knew the asari was a lot less closed off than Shepard, and would give more blunt answers. _I'll just finish easing Shepard's worries, and then I'll go down and see what I can do to speed up this process…_

"Sure thing, but next time we hit up the Citadel, you need to help me pick out a gift." Heather said, nodding. She saw Shepard's eyebrows rise in confusion, so she gave her a thumbs up to ease any suspicions. "I'll be there in a few."

At that, Heather cut off her headset and turned to her friend. "Tali asking if I could help her in convincing Adams to extend the heat routing through the battery." Heather lied, happy at how easily Shepard was convinced. _It's for her own good, anyway_. "I figure, if we end up having to go in all stealthily, it's best that we have as much time as possible, right?"

"Makes sense. You two know a lot more about this ship than I do. But gifts?" Shepard asked curiously, seeming surprised.

"Our birthdays are coming up. I figured she could help pick out something." Heather noted happily, knowing how much her friend liked the company of the quarian engineer.

"I guess that date is coming up fast. I don't think we'll make it, we might have to post-pone." Shepard said sadly, stepping away from the wall.

Heather shook her head, following Shepard's trajectory. "No, Faridah finally booked time off, she'll literally flay us both if we can't make our own party." she mentioned seriously. "But if we have to wait…it's best that we bring some of these chaps along. Except Wrex. He'd probably eat someone."

Shepard laughed at the idea and steadied herself on Heather's chair. "He might just do that, yeah." She said, chuckling. "But you should probably go help Tali. I have stuff to do before I can call up Anderson and the council."

"Shepard, I need you to do something for me, if you can." Heather said, immediately drawing the woman's attention. "I need you to remember that whatever you did…whatever you said to Liara was probably why she's been all sunshine and fucking rainbows this morning. So just let yourself believe you're capable of having a damn magical effect on people. If Faridah could fall for you, this asari bookworm could too, you know."

Shepard just sighed and nodded reluctantly. "I just don't want to screw anything up, is all."

"You won't." Heather said cheerfully, taking off her headset. She remembered when her favourite engineer had come to her, all excited about Shepard and Liara watching movies together. Apparently ship gossip was Tali's natural habitat. The quarian had rambled so quickly that it had been difficult to gather all the details, but it was when she knew her initial plan had worked, that Liara had managed to push Shepard's buttons. She also knew her friend wasn't the type to sit back and rest on her laurels when provoked, which made her all the more excited for the coming conversation. "Trust me, Shepard."

The woman merely waved and walked over to the stairwells and out of sight. Heather formulated a plan, transferring some material to a datapad just in case, and headed down to the med bay sneakily, making sure Shepard wouldn't see her. _No point being cupid if people can dodge your arrows_.

* * *

"I'm just saying, something doesn't feel right about this." Garrus said, leaning back against the Mako, placing his datapad on the steel crate beside him. "It's like I'm looking at the details through a fog. There's something there, I just can't…see it." He grumbled, frustrated with the lack of progress he'd made on the Binthu data.

He watched Ashley cock an eyebrow at him; a decidedly human gesture he didn't exactly know the full magnitude of, though he was sure it had something to do with confusion or skepticism. Past that, he had no idea. "I think that 'fog' is you needing to take a break, Vakarian. You've been staring at that thing for half a day, and now that you've finally put it down, I think it's time to take a breather." She added, Garrus needing a moment or two to digest the human idiom at the end. He always wondered why humans used such vague phrases and flourished dialogue. He'd prefer they just say what they mean, as literally as possible, so his translator didn't have to do as much work.

"And what kind of break do you have in mind?" Garrus asked, curious as to the human's intentions. Admittedly, he'd grown to enjoy her company; at least, whenever she decided to come around. _Which has been more often lately, I guess…_

"I don't know. We could just shoot the shit, over a drink or two. Our shifts technically finished an hour ago. I don't think Shepard would get too angry. You got any ideas?" Ashley asked, shrugging her shoulders. He was relieved that he understood that gesture, at least, as it took him a few moments to figure out what she meant by 'shooting the shit'. He guessed it had something to do with guns, which seemed like an alright idea, but he wasn't sure Shepard would tolerate them firing weaponry in the cargo bay. A similar solution came to his mind that he found appealing, though.

"We could always spar. It's usually how turians relieve stress and tension during long or dangerous missions." He added, his mandibles moving into an awkward smile. _Well, I don't think it's awkward, but she does tend to tease me about how it looks. Of course, human mouths just look strange, so she shouldn't be saying anything…humans are just so…squishy…_

"No offense, Garrus, but you've been up since yesterday. I'm pretty sure I could push you over right now without any trouble. At least if you're drinking, you can blame your clumsiness on a lack of sleep." The marine countered, grinning as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Garrus scoffed at her assertion. He felt fine enough; perhaps a little clumsy and hazy, but he'd finished top in his class in the hand to hand trials. "Is that a challenge, Ash?" she asked, confidently, working his hardest to stifle a yawn, which he knew would immediately undermine his credibility.

"Maybe for another day, Garrus, but I'm not going to knock you around today. Wrex would get too much of a kick out of that." She noted, glancing over at the krogan at the far end of the room before waving him to follow her. "Now come on, grab that turian brandy from your locker, and I'll grab some of my beer."

Garrus lazily made his way across the room, stumbling a little every few steps as he blinked away sleep. It took him a few moments to remember the unlock code for his locker, prompting some light taunting from his human peer. Finally, brandy in hand, he walked over to the weapons table and pulled up a chair alongside the gunnery chief.

"Isn't beer some sort of weak human drink, Ash? You trying to take advantage of me, or are you just a lightweight?" he joked, popping open the top of his bottle and putting some in a plastic cup the marine had provided him.

"Just trying to get you to relax, Garrus. If you really want, I could always drink you under the table next shore leave, though. If you feel up to it." The marine noted slyly, taking a long swig of her beer. "Though I have a feeling it would get both of us hauled out of whatever fine establishment we'd choose by C-Sec, for being entirely too drunk."

Garrus laughed and took a small shot of his brandy. "Remember, you're talking to an ex C-Sec officer. Lots of friends in the force, we'd be alright. Spirits, they'd probably at least haul us to my apartment or the Normandy if we got too drunk."

"I'm trying to imagine your apartment, but I can't help but assume that everything's blue." Ashley joked, taking another drink.

"What's wrong with the colour blue? And it's not all blue…there bits of things that are white, black and silver. There's actually a decent amount of white." Garrus mused openly, remembering his home of four years. He still paid rent, it was nice to have a real bed during shore leave, but now that he was on leave from C-Sec, he wasn't all that sure he'd be living there a year from then.

Ashley shook her head and snorted. "Probably because one of your girlfriends did the decorating." She said, clearly pleased with herself. He wondered if humans had psychic abilities, wanting to deny the woman's accuracy, but not wanting to be dishonest, but also not wanting to embarrass himself _. Eh, maybe too late for that already_.

"Tarina did do the colours for the place, but I could have changed them if I really wanted to." Garrus noted indignantly, though he knew he was terrible at decorating and painting. He'd tried to re-paint one of the walls a deep navy colour, and failed so miserably that he'd had to call in a professional painter to fix it.

Ashley turned her head, meeting his gaze, her eyebrows raised once again. "Tarina, eh?" Williams spoke, drawing out each syllable of the turian woman's name. "Pretty sure you spent most of your time last shore leave helping Doctor Michel, or working under that Mako. Someone must not have been happy that you took this mission." Ashley ended, teasingly, chuckling lightly.

"We…broke up a few months ago. It was mutual, we were both too married to our work to find time for each other." He noted, shrugging as he recalled when Tarina broke up with him. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, though he couldn't say he was without regrets. "We had only been together for half a year. It wasn't all that serious."

"Ah, sorry about that." Ashley said, apologizing as she looked back at her bottle. "I've kind of avoided dating for the same reasons. I've had too much on my plate to deal with bringing someone else in. Better to not be distracted, I guess, even if it sucks some days."

Garrus thought back to that previous relationship, fondly remembering the moments they'd spent together. They weren't many, but the companionship was always nice. Tarina 'got' him, though he often wondered if that was why the split happened, in the end. That she couldn't handle being second place in his life, despite putting her own work first in hers.

"Yeah. Well, it's all probably for the best. These days, with the galaxy at risk, it's best to keep focused. No distractions." He said, pouring himself a large shot of brandy and slamming it back. He wanted to believe that was right, but he'd seen some of the crew members get close. One of the co-pilots and doctor's chakwas' assistants had cozied up in the mess hall on a number of occasions, and while he was fairly sure he was just seeing things, it seemed Shepard had grown quite close to Liara and Tali. He often wondered if she would lose her touch because of it, but compared to the injuries early in the campaign, it seemed to be paying off. It was unsettling.

Ashley was finishing off her beer as Tali's voice rang out across the cargo bay. "Garrus!" she yelled, practically teleporting next to him, from the speed she'd crossed the bay. "You said those crates you saw…you said they were stamped with Noverian shipping codes."

Garrus looked hazily at the excited quarian beside him and nodded, wondering where the engineer was going with it.

"Well, I worked on creating a search pattern for that format of shipping codes and applied it across the data from Binthu, Feros, and your investigation data on Saren." Tali said excitedly, and as she was about to continue, Garrus raised a talon, stilling her momentarily.

"Tali…the data from my investigation was mostly classified junk. There was next to nothing there." Garrus said wearily, but Tali waved him off.

"Next to nothing, but not nothing. Two entries were similar from those files. Sixteen from Feros. Two hundred and four from Binthu." Tali spoke, the underlying message immediately sobering Garrus. "All traceable to Binary Helix, all with the same pattern of shipping codes."

Garrus' memory kicked in as she nearly leapt out of the chair. "Saren's a majority stakeholder in Binary Helix." He said, flatly, trying to sort through the bevy of ideas storming through his mind. "Good work Tali. Let's get Shepard."

* * *

The news had been both exciting and disturbing, and Shepard's mind had whirred around the possibilities. Everything, to her at least, seemed to point toward Saren and Cerberus having a working relationship, which was somewhat unnerving given the amount of reach the terrorist group had within the Alliance. It was the main reason why she and Anderson had been arguing in circles for nearly ten minutes.

"I'm just saying, Anderson…a fucking Rear Admiral is dead. Who's the safer bet to report that? You, who could get shut down quickly if Cerberus has some talking heads above you in the totem pole? Or a Spectre, who answers to the goddamn council first and foremost?" Shepard ranted, feeling as if she'd made the same argument three times already.

"And if you do that, all of the Alliance will be against you for airing their dirty laundry, Shepard." Anderson spoke, his rebuttal not at all convincing.

"They already hate me. I can take more, Anderson, and if we don't stop Saren, none of this will mean anything." She stated firmly. "I'm serious. If Saren's in with Cerberus, then we have to go after both of them. It gives us two targets to chase, two ways to figure out what the hell Saren's doing, and what this conduit is."

Anderson shook his head. "You're one ship, you can't split in half, Shepard. You stay on Saren, I go after Cerberus. It's easier that way." He spoke, the idea somewhat ironic, considering Anderson hated Saren as much as she hated Cerberus.

"And Saren's one guy, while Cerberus has bases of operations all across the traverse, probably. I know you want to help…but I'm not about to get you killed over this. I need you to lay low." She said, her tone brooking no argument. "All I know is that a lot of shit's been sent to and from somewhere of Saren's on Noveria. I'm heading there now, and I'll think of something along the way, but it does you no good to tell Alliance brass you and Kahoku were investigating Cerberus with me. They'll use you as an example, to show me what happens when I don't go through their authority. You'll be crucified, along with your team. If I come out, saying I was following a lead on Saren, and found a Cerberus base with Kahoku, I could frame it as a damn abduction. I'll take some heat, the Alliance will take some heat, but it's safer."

Anderson stood still, contemplating the plan, before his shoulders slumped frustration. "I just need to be able to do something, Shepard." The man stated annoyedly.

"Then work over the data from Binthu for me. Compare it with Feros, with…hell, anything. Put your feelers out, but don't take any stupid risks. I need your ear to the ground to let me know if something's coming down the line. Can you do that?" Shepard asked, hoping he'd accept the job. She knew it wasn't what he wanted, but it was what she needed from him. She couldn't be entirely blind when it came to the Alliance.

The man hesitated for a moment, then nodded silently. "Anderson out."

Shepard watched him fade from the holoprojector, a sigh escaping her throat. _That could have gone better, but I know he'll get it done…now…now for the other call I need to make._

She typed in the contact data for Tevos' residence, waiting a number of seconds before hearing a person on the audio channel.

"May I ask who is calling?" the voice called out. It wasn't Tevos, so she chalked it up to one of her followers. She imagined Tevos wasn't prone to having her quiet time interrupted often, and not specifying the home's owner was merely an extension of that. _I'd want privacy too, if I were her._

"Spectre Shepard. I have some urgent matters to discuss with her, if it's at all possible." She spoke quickly and clearly, hoping the Councilor was in.

There was a slight hesitation on the other end before the voice returned. "She will be with you in a few moments. Thank you for your patience, Spectre."

Shepard waited for what was likely ten minutes before the holo-projector activated, Tevos in what was likely a rather alluring dress, were it not for the lack of detail the Normandy's projector offered.

"Shepard, I was told you have a matter of importance to discuss?" Tevos asked, sounding a little impatient.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Councilor. My apologies for not providing any notice or making an appointment, but we've recently caught a break in the search for Saren, and I had some questions." Shepard stated apologetically, receiving a smile from the asari.

"That is excellent news, Shepard. What have you uncovered?" Tevos asked, her posture hiding barely restrained excitement.

Shepard pulled out her datapad and scroll down to her key notes. She didn't quite understand everything Garrus and Tali has relayed to her, but she'd confirmed the basics with them. "Yesterday we assaulted a base on the planet Binthu, and there we found data that provided a link to a company Saren basically owns, Binary Helix." She started, reading through her data before turning her gaze back to Tevos. "We've tracked shipments over the past month to a facility on Noveria, a location that Garrus insists is a 'Peak' facility according to the formatting of the codes on the shipment crates."

Tevos cocked her head to the side slightly. "Mere shipping data could not be enough to confirm a probable destination, Shepard." Tevos said, sounding confused. "Unless you have found something else?"

"We have. We initially set to decrypt the data from the Exogeni building on Feros. While we were doing that, we investigated a missing Alliance Rear Admiral and found our way to Binthu, where we found his corpse. I am sure you've heard of the human terrorist group Cerberus." Shepard stated, drawing a nod from Tevos, as the Councilor continued to listen. "There, we were surprised to find another thorian, and its thralls, being tested on in this Cerberus base. Saren tried to eliminate evidence on Feros of the thorian, to prevent me from accessing it. Yet…the thorian on Binthu lived, and Cerberus received hundreds of shipments from Binary Helix on Noveria, as recent as 54 hours ago. The same company and place Exogeni received shipments from."

Tevos stood still for a while, clearly pondering away at the new information. "And…you have concluded that Saren and these terrorists are working together?" Tevos asked, shaking her head. "But why leave them alive after he had used them, unless…"

Shepard answered for her boss after her voice had trailed off. "He still needs them. Exogeni kept things low key on Feros about the thorian, so chances are, Cerberus was there first and gave Saren the thorian. Saren, in turn…gave Cerberus the resources to experiment on a thorian, maybe. That's what we know, but you're right, if he had what he wanted, he'd eliminate them, or at least cut ties." Shepard noted, feeling her anger grow at the ludicrous pairing of enemies. "Which means Cerberus has another base out there, doing something that's beneficial to Saren, something we're in the dark about."

"That is troubling news, if true. What of the thorian?" The asari asked, cautiously peering at her.

"It's still active down there. I've already sent the coordinates to you in an encrypted file." Shepard added, feeling a bolt of dull pain swell in her chest.

Tevos looked stricken at the news. "For what purpose? Could you not have killed it yourself?" she asked, a hint of anger rising in the Councilor's voice.

"Shiala was indoctrinated, and it's the only thing I'm aware of that might be able to provide a damn cure. If it's cloned, that might make it less capable, depending. If it was pulled from another planet…well, it could be useful." Shepard said, feeling terrible that she kept something alive that had destroyed a few dozen living people. _Still…if this indoctrination thing is real…we'll need a way to protect against it, to get out of it,_

"And you are certain that this indoctrination process exists?" Tevos asked, sounding a little skeptical.

Shepard shrugged. "I can't do anything but be cautious. I don't think Shiala would make this stuff up, and it would make the Matriarch's actions lately make sense. I don't want to turn away any possible method of fixing this indoctrination, if possible." She reasoned, eliciting a delayed nod from the asari. She knew the survival and freedom of Benezia was of great importance to Tevos, and she wanted to keep herself from having to spill even one more person's blood. _Though I suppose that the Matriarch being Liara's mom has something to do with it too…_

"So what do you require of me?" Tevos asked simply, looking at Shepard expectantly.

"I…I would like as much information on Noveria and Binary Helix as you can dig up. Anything that comes to mind. Also, I want you to put a tail on some of the human delegates. There's no telling who's corrupt and who isn't, and at this point, the safety of the galaxy overrules the safety of Alliance officials from scrutiny." She stated, listing out what she had thought up in the past hour. "I'm sending over the Binthu data. I want a team to look at it, and see what we're dealing with, if we can do anything with it. And…do what you will with the thorian. It won't be safe on Binthu for long, but it could be necessary in the future, I guess. If the reapers arrive, and more people get indoctrinated, we'll need a way to fight it, or recover from it."

Tevos nodded and clasped her hands behind her back. "It will be done. I am not certain I can keep this from the rest of the council, Shepard."

"Then don't. Say what you have to. But Valern and Sparatus don't believe me about the Reapers. I'm pretty sure you're just entertaining me about them, but I need you to think long term here. Saren won't hide forever, and he'll find the conduit, or I will. When that happens, we'll both know whether the Reapers are real or not. No harm holding some resources aside just in case, is all I'm saying." Shepard explained. "If you need to make up some cover story that needs to fly, then put me at the forefront of it. I'm your scapegoat, and nothing was done that harms the council races. At worst, the Alliance will get pissed off at me, but I can deal with that, they already hate me."

Tevos nodded and sighed. "I fear I will have many audiences with Ambassador Udina in my future." The asari said woefully.

"I'm pretty sure I won't escape his harassment either." She chuckled. "Anyway, thanks for listening, and thanks for whatever help you provide, Councilor."

"Please, Shepard, just Tevos is fine. And if I may ask…how is Liara faring?" Tevos asked kindly, her mouth curling into a soft smile.

Shepard hesitated, wondering which words to use. "Last I heard, she was incredibly cheerful. It's been an understandably busy day, so I haven't managed to see her yet. She took a bit of a hit on Binthu, but she's fine and in good spirits." Shepard stated with a smile of her own.

Tevos gave her a strange look, her smile taking on a slightly different character that she couldn't quite read. "That is good. I wish you the best of luck, Shepard. I will contact you as soon as possible with what you have requested." The asari spoke, bowing slightly as a means to signal farewell. Shepard assured herself that one day, she would have some of the basic motions for formal greetings and farewells down, and would put them to use. "Farewell."

As Tevos disappeared, Shepard felt a weight lift from her shoulders. She knew that the Councilor would help in whatever ways she could, and was glad to have an ally like her in her mission. She just hoped that, when push came to shove, Tevos would have her back.

* * *

Liara slowly crept out to the mess hall, knowing that many of the crew had just entered their nearby sleeping pods, and one of her trademark stumbles over a loose floor panel she could never quite recognize in time would likely disturb them. Knowing they had sped off toward another location, she was sure a mission was coming up, and everyone would need to be in their best condition. In the meantime, she could tiptoe over to the food counter and grab a sandwich. Taking one made of something called turkey, which she learned was a form of avian creature from Earth, she moved over to the mess table and sat down.

Her body was still a little sore, but Chakwas had been excellent to her, and her wound was healing nicely. Her memory returned, as it had many times that day, to the somewhat hazy visit Shepard had given her. Liara felt thankful that she was lucid enough to recall the name of the song, but she had been somewhat disappointed to learn that humans often used the same title for different musical pieces. Had it not been for Heather's help in the matter, she would not have known where to start.

 _Not that it would have mattered terribly…_ Liara thought, smiling as she took a bite. _She sang to me…despite how secretive she is about her singing, she still sang to me!_

It was exciting, and Heather had been nearly as excited when she had told her. The woman had very quickly realized which piece Shepard had sang, and had kindly pointed it out, though she'd refused to elaborate on the meaning, saying it was something Shepard would have to explain. It felt like a stroke of fortune when the woman in question staggered out of her office and over to the food counter, looking half-asleep.

Liara spun in her chair and, given her view from the end of the table, watched as Shepard clumsily grabbed a canister of orange juice and a small box of some small, hard clusters of food, and walked over to the mess table. Liara watched as the woman sat across the table, seemingly in a daze as the human stared at the orange juice for a number of long moments.

"Shepard?" Liara called out quietly, hoping to get the woman's attention. Shepard, in turn, quickly seemed to realize she had company and, in her shock, knocked over the thankfully closed container of juice. Liara shot her hand out, catching it before it rolled off the table. "I am sorry for startling you Shepard. Are you well?"

The woman rubbed at her eyes lazily, and gave Liara a tired smile. "I'm fine. Just a little tired." Shepard spoke, her voice sounding a little clearer than her head likely was.

"Are the nightmares back? The visions?" Liara asked, though she knew the answer well enough. She had provided some help in the matter, but more often than not, the commander was still plagued by them. She knew one good night here or there had helped, but it couldn't make up for all the lost hours.

"Yeah…they never really left. But don't worry about it, I'm starting to get used to them. And sometimes I can get an hour or two of decent sleep, so that's an improvement. And then there's the odd free night, but those are…rare. I'm managing." Shepard noted with a grin, but there was no joy behind it. Liara frowned, wishing the woman would be more transparent around her.

Liara gulped back her fears and decided to push forward a little. "I could always try and help again." She offered, unsure what answer she would prefer. She knew that when she had been around her, the woman would often sleep well. If it required a meld, she was willing, though the thought of entering that warzone again was more than a little frightening.

Shepard waved her off, her hand motion slightly sharp. "No. I won't have you exhaust yourself just in the chance it might help."

Liara cocked her head to the side, unsure why the woman reacted so sternly. "It would not necessarily require a meld…" she began before Shepard's pleading gaze met her own, freezing the words in her throat.

"You're more than just a damn sandman to me, Liara." Shepard said softly, averting her gaze again.

The reference was entirely lost on her, and she couldn't help the confusion that spread across her face. "Sandman? Shepard, I am merely offering my help." She restated, reaching her hand across the table, coming a few inches shy of Shepard's crossed arms.

"I don't want to use you, Liara. I don't think I could stomach that." Shepard muttered, running her hands through her hair fur, loosening the bun of it considerably.

Liara wondered why Shepard was reacting as defensive as she was, and promptly got out of her chair, moved around the table and sat in the seat beside Shepard. "You would not be using me. I want to help. Let me help, if you want it." She spoke, knowing which tone seemed to sooth the woman. Shepard, though, merely winced and turned away slightly.

"That…look, I can't just take advantage of you to help fix myself, Liara." Shepard said again, shaking her head.

"Shepard, you would not be taking advantage of me." She said, growing frustrated over how absurd the woman's logic was. "Why would you think that?"

"Because it would hurt you to help me. I've been there before, I've happily done things to help someone when they wanted it. Needed it. I thought I knew what I was doing, what they wanted, but reality turned out differently. I won't do that to you." Shepard ranted, closing her eyes as a sigh escaped her lips.

Liara decided she wasn't getting anywhere with her previous approach, and decided to let it rest while she re-directed. "Yet when I wanted you to sing for me, you did so. Were you so certain of reality then?" she asked quietly, wanting to reach out and touch the commander, but she was unsure of what response she'd receive.

"No, but I played the odds. I figured you wanted music to fall asleep to, and you wanted me to sing it. People tend to be honest when they're full of drugs." Shepard said somberly. "And I was worried."

"And I'm not? Shepard, you need sleep, you need rest." Liara stated firmly, drawing Shepard's attention back to her.

"I need a lot of things, Liara…" the woman started, peering softly into her eyes, hesitating to continue on. Liara offered a hand once more, and was surprised when Shepard tentatively took it. "I heard from Tevos earlier. She said…she said that Benezia and Saren have a controlling stake in Binary Helix, a company with a facility on Noveria."

The immediate shift in topics threw Liara for a loop but she merely nodded, patiently waiting for Shepard to explain the importance.

"There's been a lot of activity from there lately. There's a chance that Saren might be there." The woman said, but Liara knew the other possibilities.

"Or Benezia." She added, Shepard nodding in confirmation. "I will support you…you need not question my ability to be rational. Saren would plunge us into extinction." She finished, hoping Shepard wasn't planning on keeping her aboard the ship if a ground mission was required.

"I can't say for sure how you'd react, but I trust you. I just don't want you to get hurt." Shepard stated quietly, the words giving Liara something on a wedge in the discussion.

"So you say you will not take advantage of me, yet you'll blindly be overprotective? How are either of those different?" she asked, feeling a little confused and offended.

Shepard leaned back in her chair, still gently holding Liara's hand, and looked up at the ceiling. "That song I sang…do you know why I chose that, over all the others?"

Liara immediately perked up at the mention, her eyes reading Shepard's strained face for any clues. The woman continued after a few silent seconds.

"I had grown to trust someone dearly for about a year, and I thought I knew her. I thought I understood her. When that trust was…violently, viscerally used against me, I didn't think I could ever really trust again." Shepard noted softly, her eyes closing. "Heather helped in those weeks, those months afterward. She tried a lot of things, and that song was, for some reason, my comfort. It was the only way I could sleep peacefully, only way I could really be calm. It helped me learn about myself. I realized I couldn't just stop trusting, I couldn't stop caring. It's not in my nature, Liara."

Liara sat there, soaking in the story as she brought her other hand over, stroking the back of the woman's hand that held hers. "I had no idea." She whispered, wishing she had better words to offer.

"That's the thing. You don't know my motivations, you don't know me well enough. I sang that specific song for a few reasons, but one of them you had no idea about, and that changes everything. Trusting me is a risk. But…when you asked me to sing for you, I couldn't stop thinking of the risk I was taking too. You, like the song is about, could be a…friend that cares about me, who I care about. Or you could collapse me." Shepard continued, letting out another long sigh. "I trust you, Liara. I can't stop. And I want you to be able to trust me, but I don't want to mess anything up for you. I don't want to disappoint you because I did something you didn't expect or want. I don't want you to hurt. I don't want to be…her. If that makes any sense at all."

Liara sat there quietly, pondering over the woman's words. She knew she'd grown closer to the Commander, and knew that the woman was almost comically honest at times, and that she'd just let Liara into part of her past reserved for only the closest of her friends and family. She understood, the woman couldn't help but give parts of herself blindly to her. _And she fears that reality of hers, and worries that I will respond in kind and become just as vulnerable, and worries that she herself is a threat…because she has reacted that way? Because she questions her own motivations? It is…a winding way of showing worry…_

"Shepard." She spoke, her voice light as a feather. Shepard's hazel eyes opened and her head turned to face her, anxiety clearly bubbling behind the woman's features. "Are we friends?" she asked simply, drawing a delayed nod.

"Of course." Shepard spoke, her voice slightly unsteady.

"Then we must accept that we may upset one another sometimes. There are moments when we hurt the ones we care about, despite our good intentions, but it should not be compared to an act of malice." Liara spoke moving her hand from Shepard's and to the woman's soft, waiting cheek, enjoying as she felt her lean into the touch. She recalled the words of the song as she gently caressed the woman's cheek; despite the explanation of the song's history, she knew the woman harboured more than trust in her _. She cares deeply…she would not be so emotional about merely disappointing me if she did not_. "You are not manipulating me, Shepard, by requesting I help, or by accepting my help. We…friends help each other. It need not be an exchange, a zero sum game."

"I…I know." Shepard whispered, nuzzling slightly against her palm as Liara continued her ministrations, her eyes half-lidded in exhaustion. "I'm just an idiot sometimes, and…and I can get confused. My head's always spinning these days."

Liara moved her hand to Shepard's chin, bringing the woman to a blush as her hazel eyes refocused. "Then let me still it, if only for a little while." Liara offered. Shepard stared at her, a strange mixture of guilt and relief shown on her face.

Shepard nodded sadly, and closed her eyes tightly. Liara knew the woman felt bad about the meld exhaustion, about burdening her with the nightmares, about admitting that she needed help. She would work to ease those fears, to show warmth, trust, compassion. More, if she had the courage. She knew the battlefield she was walking into, and knew for certain, as her mind gently reached out to Shepard's, that she wasn't afraid this time.

This was where she wanted to be.


	30. Spiders and Vinegaroons

Noveria hadn't exactly greeted them with open arms, both Shepard and Joker having to put up with an immense amount of scrutiny and delays before finally being allowed to dock. She led a small team of Liara and Garrus toward the security gate, going over the details of their interim plan in her head. While they were en route to the planet, Tevos had helped provide an excuse to get them into Port Hanshan, one Shepard wasn't entirely fond of, but hoped would work. Having a minority stake in a medical technology research and development firm, she had provided paperwork for clearance into the port; Liara as her representative, with Shepard and the rest of the ground team as her protection. On paper, it seemed likely to work, but they would be expected to check into the medical firm instead of Binary Helix's facility, wherever it was. _Basically, easy getting in, but hard to get around. Especially with this many people…and then there's Liara having to do all the talking…with her and her social issues…_

It wasn't that she was terribly worried that Liara would fail if their bluff was called, it was just that she knew the asari didn't do well in crowds and while under scrutiny, and didn't want her to be more uncomfortable than the situation demanded of her. She'd spied Liara talking to herself in the med-bay, pacing around and trying to work herself into the role for hours on end. _I just hope all that paid off…_ she thought, as the trio approached a number of guards, two women in particular standing ahead of the rest. They had all decided a small initial team would cause less hostility and suspicion, though she was certain that Garrus wasn't pleased about having to carry some of Liara's luggage. Shepard was surprised that Liara actually had any, though she had noticed the doctor had gone missing for a few hours during their last stop at the Citadel. _I guess she could have ventured out to get some things. Can't always wear that green scientist's stuff all the time, I suppose…_ she mused, her eyes constantly trailing back to the coat and dress the asari was wearing. She'd never had an eye for fashion, but she imagined it was a sort of formal wear appropriate for the occasion. _Looks nice on her anyway…really nice…_

"That's far enough." The darker haired woman spoke, bringing the commander's attention back to the task at hand. Shepard immediately knew they could be in for a long talk; the woman looked both terribly disgruntled and tired, and she was sure that they had made the woman's long day even longer. "This is an unscheduled arrival. I need your credentials."

Liara subtly gestured to Shepard, who in turn stepped forward with their documentation from the Councilor. As the apparent head of security looked it over, the blonde slowly circled them, shotgun in hand.

"And what's your business here?" the dark haired guard asked again, the blonde finishing her circuit and coming to rest to the right of her.

"I assure you, the documentation is rather clear in our purpose here. While it is unfortunate that our visit is on short notice, I am certain that the Councilor would prefer that we receive proper treatment." Liara spoke, her tone and posture as regal as Shepard had ever seen. _Christ, it's almost like she's a different person…_ "And I would very much like to know the name of the security chief who so kindly allowed us passage without unnecessary molestation."

The darker haired woman shrugged slightly and nodded lightly. "Captain Maeko Matsuo, Elanus Risk Control. I'll just finish checking over your documentation, and then you'll be free to proceed."

"Load of horsecrap, ma'am. Councilor Tevos always schedules in advance, we should impound their ship until we hear back from her." The blonde noted quietly, but not quietly enough for it to be inaudible to the trio.

Matsuo quirked her mouth to the side then shook her head subtly, placing her full focus back on Liara. "Also, I must advise you that firearms are not permitted on Noveria." The captain spoke, gesturing the woman beside her to see to the trio. "Sergeant Stirling, secure their weapons."

Shepard cocked her head to the side and averted her gaze from Liara, who seemed to be doing a good job emulating a simmering disdainful appearance, to the dark haired guard. "Spectre Authority lets me keep firearms, Captain. Councilor Tevos assigned…" she started, taking hold of her weapon, but was immediately cut off by Liara, who gave her a piercing look.

"You will speak only when requested, Spectre." She spoke coolly, her voice dripping with ire. Shepard gulped back her shock and nodded, turning her gaze lower.

"Yes, Lady T'Soni." She said politely and remorsefully, trying to act along as best as she could. Shepard had never truly interacted with nobles outside of Liara and Tevos, and those were under more amicable circumstances. She let Liara take the lead, having considerably more experience in such matters.

She watched the blonde stop inches away from her, thankfully stopping her weapon collection for the moment. The woman gave Liara a questioning look, hesitating before speaking. "As in… Benezia T'Soni's daughter?"

Liara's reaction was immediate and, if Shepard were to be honest, slightly frightening. "You will address the Matriarch accordingly. With how many holdings she has in Noveria's facilities, I would not doubt she could take interest in restructuring Elanus Risk Control's presence here." The asari noted, her voice calm, collected, yet an undertone of venom emanated from every syllable. Liara turned to the darker haired woman. "Do all of your human subordinates lack manners and wit? I arrived to oversee the Ylentek facility for Councilor Tevos, not to have the head of my family disparaged and treated as a commoner. Client harassment has been remarkably absent from Noveria's reputation, yet perhaps that may be inaccurate."

"My… sincerest apologies, Lady T'Soni." Maeko spoke hastily, handing back the documentation to Liara as she held her hand to her ear-piece, hesitating for a number of moments nervously. "You can proceed through the checkpoints, secretary Parasini will arrange for your tour of the facility shortly. Your other staff are clear to enter as well, whenever necessary, Lady T'Soni."

Shepard fell in line slowly off to the side of Liara, stunned as she saw the asari nod and smile coolly to the captain. Shepard worked quickly on her omni-tool, giving the rest of the ground team clearance to enter in ten minutes, letting them find their way to the hotel to book rooms for the night.

The trio moved slowly through Port Hanshan, Garrus taking lead due to his experience at the port, leading them to the hotel Tevos had specified. Shepard wondered why the councilor hadn't found the time to call and grant them clearance in advance; though the possibility of that clearance quickly working through the security network in the two hours since the plan was erected was admittedly slim.

Her eyes would occasionally wander back to Liara, her posture and expression still so proper and regal. _And arrogant…Christ, I can't believe she pulled that off! And when she snapped at me, I...alright Shep, mind out of the freaky gutter. It was an act…a really, really good act._

Liara practically glided over to the desk of the hotel, quickly gaining the attention of the asari clerk behind it. "I will have the Jakaht suite, if it is available." The doctor spoke as she handed a datapad with Tevos' account data and her own identification; her words more of a demand, the qualifier at the end merely a custom to provide them notice.

"Yes, Lady T'Soni. If…if you'd like, I could provide you the Gilana suite, it is beside the suite reserved for Matriarch Benezia. I assure you, it is identical to hers and it would be no trouble to afford you it, we are grateful to your house for your continued patronage." The clerk spoke calmly but quickly, an excited smile plastered on her face.

Shepard gave Liara credit for not skipping a beat, returning with a polite smile. "That will do nicely." Liara spoke as the clerk turned to Garrus and provided the access codes. On the elevator ride up, she could see the façade slightly cracking at the seams, and once inside the suite Liara practically made a beeline for the nearest seating area and hastily sat on the sofa, breathing heavy.

She let Garrus take a convenient tour around the suite, choosing instead to sit alongside Liara, whose hyperventilating was growing slightly worse. Her hand reached out, taking one of the asari's blue ones in her own, giving a slight squeeze for support.

"She is here! I cannot…she is… here!" Liara spoke between breaths, her gaze slowly shifting to meet Shepard's. "What do we do?"

Shepard just shifted slightly over, her shoulders flush with Liara's as she gave her best confident smile. "What we came here to do. And…and we're bringing her back, if luck is with us." She spoke, hoping to reassure the asari whose gaze was piercing through her, full of uncertainty.

"She will have commandos with her…she always does." Liara said, her breathing slowing slightly, her shaking body stilling minutely.

"Well, we'll have to make do. Shiala said that since Eden Prime, they've been more scattered. Maybe she doesn't have many with her. If that's true, then we've got you, me and Shiala…we're not exactly pushovers, same with Wrex and Kaidan. Ash, Garrus and Tali aren't biotics, but they could help out too." Shepard rambled, taking Liara's hand in both of hers. "We can do this, Liara."

For her part, Liara merely shook her head slowly, nervously looking away. "My mother…if she is indoctrinated, she will not go without a fight. She is…incredibly powerful, Shepard."

Shepard nodded her head, knowing she was heading into uncharted territory. She assumed matriarchs were powerful; she had heard as much from Tevos, and she knew commandos were tough from fighting the Shiala clones, even if they may have been weaker forms. She knew she had no knowledge of where the Matriarch was, how many followers she had with her, or how to beat her, if need be. To say it was a troublesome situation would be putting it mildly. "Then we'll figure out a way to do it. We know she's here, and it's a damn blizzard outside, so I doubt she'll be traveling back until the storm ends. We find out where she is, we craft a plan, and we'll do it." She said softly, letting go of Liara's hand. "But first, we deal with this tour of that medical lab and get that over with. I'll have Garrus, Kaidan and Tali checking around for any intel on her whereabouts while we're gone, or any way to just get the hell out of this port."

Liara sat straight up, looking puzzled at her. "You…you are coming with me?" the asari asked, seemingly calmed down.

"We've come to a dangerous place, and a lady needs protection. A Spectre should suffice." Shepard noted playfully, shrugging her shoulders as a wide grin spread across her face. "And I really have to say…you were amazing back there."

A purple blush bloomed across Liara's cheeks as the doctor nervously looked down to her hands. "I…did my best emulating mother during our last outings together. Although, she would have scolded me for my actions today…one cannot act like a leader, they must be one. And I was far too emotional in my tone. I am lucky I'm a maiden, otherwise they may have become suspicious."

Shepard leaned forward, arching her head and neck to get into Liara's lowered field of view. "I thought you were…very convincing, Lady T'Soni." Shepard noted politely, emulating her role from before.

She watched Liara's expression turn to amusement before it shifted to an indignant expression. "Must I remind you of your rescinded speaking privileges, Spectre?" Liara asked with the same cool tone from before. Shepard couldn't help but blush and sit back against the sofa, turning her gaze to the fireplace across the way as Liara broke out into giggles.

"No, my lady." Shepard spoke quietly, perhaps a little too enthralled by the role play. She knew there were dangerous times ahead, and felt perhaps there were a few seconds to spare for lighthearted fun. If anything, she was glad to have Liara in better spirits. She knew that it wouldn't be long until that all changed.

* * *

"So…what have we got?" Garrus asked, drawing a tired sigh from Tali, who was simply tired of being the information mule for the team. Luckily, others had returned from their assignments, hopefully with better results than she'd had.

Not that she had found nothing; it had taken a while to hack through some of the terminals on Port Hanshan, and what information that was there was vague. She'd been able to narrow down which garage was taken by Liara's mother, but which peak facility Binary Helix owned was still a mystery. She wished Shepard was there to help.

"I managed to get that administrator's secretary, Parasini, to pass some information along for Shepard. She's hoping her and Liara can get that medical lab's shareholders to spread dissent and get him out, or at least shake him down in person." Kaidan mentioned, immediately drawing Garrus' attention.

"Anoleis? I talked to a turian business owner who says he's been harassed by him. Says he has some information he needs recovering, but I thought it'd be too big of a hassle." The turian spoke, Tali quickly understanding the connection.

"Who would be in charge if Anoleis lost his position?" she asked, curious to the answer. She wondered if all corporate ports were run so poorly that incriminating information was left lying around casually.

"That would be…" Kaidan started, the other marine slamming her fist down on the table in excitement, effectively cutting off his train of thought.

"The head of security!" Ashley said, vibrating with anticipation. Silence quickly blanketed the table, aside from Wrex's continual mumbles of annoyance.

Garrus's mandibles twitched slightly in what Tali could only imagine was amusement. "It would be Parasini, Ash. Or maybe someone who's more willing to pay a favor for a sudden, unexpected promotion."

Ashley's head slumped slightly, her eyes widening a little in embarrassment. "I knew that." The marine mumbled to herself, and for a moment Tali was happy Ashley couldn't see the grin behind her visor. Investigation didn't seem like the marine's strong suit.

"Wrex, did you find anything?" Kaidan asked cautiously, slowly drawing the krogan's attention.

Wrex snorted in annoyance and crossed his arms. "I would have threatened the garage supervisors, but you decided that a few broken ribs could jeopardize the mission instead of making it fun." He grumbled, stamping his foot lightly on the ground. "I talked to a contact here. He can get us a shuttle for travel, but with this weather, it's not looking likely to pay off. Can get us an extra tank if we need one."

Tali couldn't help but stare in amazement. It was the most she'd ever heard Wrex talk before, and the idea of him managing to acquire them resources was the furthest from her mind before he'd opened his mouth. _Maybe I shouldn't keep making bad assumptions…even if he keeps calling me pyjak..._

"So we have transportation, we just need clearance to get people to it…or at least, to get all of us to it. And we need a specific location." Garrus summarized, drawing a nod from most of the group, barring Ashley and Wrex, who looked confused and bored respectively.

"Uh, Benezia's over in peak fifteen. I thought I told you guys that." Ashley spoke slowly and cautiously, her eyebrow quirking up like Shepard's did at times.

Tali leaned forward staring at the marine intently. "How did you find out about that? Are…are you sure?" she asked, noticing everyone's attention was on the woman.

"Yeah, when I stopped to grab some weapon and armor mods earlier, the hanar shopkeep couldn't stop going on about her. Said he was worried because she left for peak fifteen during the blizzard. Apparently that area's rife for avalanches." The woman said casually, her gaze focused on the turian across from her. "I told you when I got back."

Garrus merely scratched the back of his neck casually, whether out of nervousness or amusement, Tali wasn't sure. "I…kind of stopped listening when you started rambling about jellyfish."

"Hey! He…he looks like one… kind of." Ashley moped, a hint of a blush reaching her cheeks. "I really am trying, you know." She muttered quietly to herself, though Tali's audio sensors were able to pick it up rather clearly. _One of the benefits of suit living, I guess…listening to people mope about themselves…though maybe she really IS trying…eh…_

"Anyway…" Kaidan spoke, grabbing everyone's attention away from the muttering marine beside him. "I think I might have a plan…"

* * *

Port Hanshan seemed to press down on her; the hallways deceptively narrow and seemingly becoming more so, the ceilings lower than she'd like, the blizzard outside trapping her in. It was much too claustrophobic for Liara to bear for much longer, and she was thankful that Shepard was leading her back to the port so they could soon embark.

Her mother was near, and her brain raced around all the possibilities, each passing moment adding tension, adding pressure. There were too many ways for their endeavour to end, and it was nerve-racking. For the first time in over a decade, she would see her mother. She could also, potentially, see her mother for the last time. It was difficult for her to stomach, to even fathom. _I want this to be over with…I want my mother to return…_

Liara felt fortunate that the small tram car was empty aside from herself and her protector; she needed time away from her façade, it was draining to control her body and emotions to such a degree under such stress.

A light tapping at her wrist broke her out of her haze and to a small silvery flask resting by her hand. She nodded silently in thanks, taking it and unscrewing the lid, taking a swig of jihliq. Despite knowing the woman's intentions, she couldn't help but smile at the gesture. Shepard knew she was having a difficult time, and had made a series of minor distractions throughout the day, assuredly hoping to get her mind off of the current situation. It never truly did, but knowing the woman was trying to help made it a little easier. _At least this might help calm my nerves…_

"Do…do you think the plan will work?" Liara asked, sealing the flask and placing it on her lap."I…cannot help but be wary of relying on Wrex for important resources."

"I do." Shepard noted quietly, her fingers dancing to some mystery rhythm on the armrests of her seat. "He's a bit of a brute, and cares a bit too much about killing for my liking, but he's loyal and blunt. If he says he can give us a shuttle, he can give us a shuttle."

Liara nodded, turning her gaze to face the woman beside her. She looked more than a little on edge, but it was understandable. Benezia always had the ability to make people nervous, intimidated; even in kindness, she tended to make the minds of those around her clumsy. "What if the storm remains?"

"Should fade away in a few hours according to reports. We can't waste any time, so we'll be heading out as soon as we have clearance, entering through the building's shipping bay. I'll leave someone behind to help with the shuttle, maybe, and when it gets clear enough to fly, they take it to the main entrance of the facility. We should have made serious headway into the facility by that point." Shepard said calmly, staring off at a groove in the floor as her hand blindly reached for Liara's. She promptly took the woman's hand and held it tight in hers, appreciating the physical contact, even though she knew in mere minutes, they would have to return to their detached role-play.

A role-play which both frustrated and intrigued Liara. She disliked acting on the training of her youth, pretending to be the daughter she imagined Benezia had always wanted. Or, at least, had wanted for the past two decades, when her mother began tiring of her career as a prothean archaeologist. As years had passed, her confidence in her career path had grown, but so had the feeling that she was nothing but a disappointment to her mother. In her earlier years, that was not something she could have ever imagined, it was something her mother had promised would never happen. Thus, acting that role out was at times painful, uncomfortable, and brought miserable past experiences to mind.

On the other hand, she had not expected Shepard to react how she had. Truly, she took the advice of acting slightly submissive to heart, considering her relative newness to being a Spectre and being under Tevos' authority for the mission. She recalled another asari Spectre being much the same way during her mother's seven hundredth birthday, being a guest to the ceremony shortly after her induction into the ranks, providing security for the councilor. She had felt it would be appropriate for Shepard to perform in a similar manner but the woman was far too honest in her expression at times, and the amount of blushing had honestly intrigued her. She wasn't entirely certain that it was all acting on Shepard's part.

Often, her mind would recall the night that Shepard had shown Torfan to her, and the events prior to that. _I had yelled at her then, with no similar effect, no blushing…yet earlier today when we met security and I requested her silence, she turned rather red. However…when I had held her down on the bed, she had turned a similar shade…and I was…controlling her then, just like during the massage, was I not? Was I not controlling her in the security checkpoint as well, just…verbally? Was I embarrassing her, did she feel shame? Or…or perhaps it excited her? I recall her heartbeat quickening, that slight hint of a grin on her lips…_

Liara looked Shepard over once more, noticing the woman's eyes looked glazed over, deep in thought. Her own thoughts began drifting to a future with her mother free, and herself and Shepard learning more about each other. _Perhaps… intimately…_ she mused, before quickly shooing away the thought. She knew that future was not likely to be, and she had to focus on the task at hand _. I cannot afford to be entirely distracted, and neither can Shepard…_ she thought, hoping Shepard's plan would work, praying to the Goddess Athame that it would.

As the tram came to a halt, Shepard stood and, after pocketing the jihliq, gracefully guided Liara up over to her side. "Ready, Lady T'Soni?"

Liara steadied her nerves as best she could, taking a deep breath to calm herself before slipping back into her role. Shepard needed her for just a little while longer. "Come, Spectre." She said, a hint of a grin curling at her lips. _Perhaps…perhaps a little distraction wouldn't hurt…all in the name of keeping me less anxious, of course…everything in moderation…_

* * *

"…and that's when security hauled him out. I don't think I've ever seen a salarian so raving mad before!" Williams said excitedly, recounting their ousting of that sniveling worm, Anoleis, as much of the rest of them laughed along. Wrex couldn't help but find the whole event somewhat amusing, at least more than he had expected when they had landed, but he felt Williams was missing the bigger picture.

 _No one is untouchable_ , he thought to himself, having learned that the hard way in his younger years. He knew that they should always keep their guard up for any possibility, no matter how rare. Had Anoleis protected himself, he would still be in his seat of power. _Power…power and pride can blind us to our failures. Can blind an entire people…_

"I'm just happy you managed to get Parasini to green-light all this. Really gives us a better shot at extraction." The commander noted casually, seemingly pleased to have been able to get through the red tape Noveria seemed to be strangled by.

He was at least pleased that they were quickly en route to the facility, controlling a Mako through the narrow paths through the mountain ranges. Wrex had bargained with Garrus for the main cannon controls, leaving him and Williams in control of the smaller turrets. It was better that way, he had more experience and it at least kept him from boredom. Once more he unleashed a loud blast at a line of entrenched geth, the explosion propelling a half dozen into the air as the two smaller turrets took out the rocket troops on the side. They had been effective on the turrets, so much that they continually drew the ire of the Commander.

"Oh come on, just leave one next time! Just one, that's all I ask!" Shepard yelled out at them, drawing a digitized giggle from the pyjak. "Just…just a single geth soldier, please! Be a friend!"

"I'm sorry we want you focusing entirely on driving, Shepard. This thing weighs a hell of a lot and this storm's still throwing you around the paths." Garrus called out from beside him.

"That's just me sliding on ice, Vakarian, I have it all under control…but that might change if I can't even ramp off a hill onto some geth." Shepard spoke, words tinged with the same frustration he often felt during stretches of inactivity. _Especially between missions on the ship. If I have to spend another four day trip between stops, I'll probably do some weapons testing in the cargo bay…heh…_

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the younger asari lean toward the driver's area. "Perhaps it is because we fear you will ramp off a hill and into a ravine, Shepard."

"One day you all will appreciate my driving. One day…" the commander spoke dramatically, shaking one of her small, fleshy fists in the air. He wasn't sure if she was trying to be intimidating, or was just going along with mocking herself. He didn't really care either way, focusing back on the sights of the weapon, firing at another series of geth far off in the distance.

Nearly an hour later, the Mako skidded to a stop by a windowless, non-descript building built nto the face of the mountain; a few minutes afterward, while the pyjak and Shepard were out trying to hack the doors open instead of merely blowing a hole in them, the other Mako arrived. He'd managed to secure both an extra Mako and shuttle from one of the agents he'd worked with before, who he'd done a favour once or twice in the past. In truth, he only bothered taking him up on the offer when he'd heard about peak fifteen having a code omega crisis, which likely meant a lot of fun. _More of a chance to show off the power of a true krogan battlemaster._

 _Still…fighting a matriarch and commandos…_ he mused stepping out of the tank and into the bitter blizzard. He'd fought asari before, and many were incredibly squishy; they still healed faster than other non-krogan species, but they didn't have the organ redundancy that he knew made him more durable. Most of his opponents had difficulty with that. Most commandos he'd fought had difficulty with that, but some were on another level altogether. _Aleena…and she wasn't even a matriarch…_ he thought, shaking his head as he recalled hunting her through the abandoned space station. Had he not been able to regenerate, he would have lost a heart and at least one lung, along with the other broken bones and fractures and gaping lacerations he'd suffered at her hands. Wrex still felt he'd bested her in general, but that she had slipped through his fingers still had him wondering how close he ever was to finishing her off. He knew commandos don't live that long without having tricks up their sleeve, but Wrex knew that age didn't necessarily mean one was stronger in combat; in biotics, though, it was usually true, and that made their target a difficult adversary. He'd seen what Liara was capable and could only assume her mother was more powerful, something that didn't bode well.

"We're in!" he heard the pyjak call out, letting everyone file into the garage, which was relieving. The cold didn't bother him, but standing around bored witless did. Wrex looked over the ground team and snorted, skeptical that some of them could withstand serious biotic attacks. Even with the armor implants to protect against biotic attacks, it still didn't look promising. He knew that after himself, Shepard and the older asari would be capable enough. The young asari and the human male could be halfway effective, he figured, though he wasn't holding out hope that the pyjak, Vakarian, or Williams could withstand the kind of assault he expected to come eventually.

The early portions of the facility were what humans would call a cakewalk. Weak, fragile geth swarmed the initial areas, slowly whittling out as they continued on, a frustrating turn of events that left Wrex on edge. As they progressed, more areas were blocked off and quarantined, more security lockdowns had needed bypassing, keeping something IN rather than keeping it out. There may have been less geth, but there were more signs of death and destruction and battle. Far too much blood was spilled, and the oil from geth wasn't red or green, through there were magnitudes more red than green. _Salarians bleed green…but there haven't been any signs of salarians yet. Not that they would have trouble with these lockdowns, with their hacking and stealth systems. Cowards._

"Something's wrong here, Shepard." He grumbled, looking around a dining area as they passed by, noticing upturned tables, destroyed equipment and blood. _So much blood…no bodies yet, either._

"Definitely reading you loud and clear there, Wrex. Seems we've missed a good half dozen blood-baths." Shepard spoke quietly over comms, stepping into yet another elevator, taking them higher up into the mountainside facility. The eight of them all crammed into the moderately sized vessel and took off, Wrex ignoring the scowl on Williams' face as she was pressed in between himself and the turian.

As the elevator opened Shepard stepped onto the new floor, likely noticing the trails of red blood across the floor. "Williams, Shiala, I want you guarding the rear with Tali and Garrus, this place is a mess." The woman spoke. As Wrex exited the vessel and got a clearer view, he understood. Parts of bodies remained, human ones, some partially armored. They were not what Wrex was paying attention to however, they merely told him a battle had occurred very recently. It was all he needed to know from them. Instead, he looked at what looked to be ceiling panels and vent covers that had fallen from the ceiling, noticing dark potential hiding spots above them. _And with how cowardly salarians are, no doubt some are hiding up there._

"Watch up top everyone, we might have company." Shepard spoke over comms, but the sound of doors opening across the large archive delayed that request, a number of geth swarming out from two of the entrances on the far side of the room, gunfire erupting around them immediately. Wrex rushed forward, spraying the geth with his shotgun and tossing biotic throws at them, knocking a number back into the doorway onto more in their group. He and Shepard commandeered both doorways mostly, with the help of Vakarian and Shiala respectively, the rest hanging back providing suppressive fire and biotic protection.

It only took a digitized shriek ringing out across the room to change everything. Quickly he gave a glance back at the pyjak's position and realized a real fight awaited him there, a number of large insects swarming out of the ceiling and down into their flanks.

"Hold this door!" he yelled out to the older asari and charged over to the fight, finding the new enemy somewhat familiar.

The blast of his shotgun erupted against the face of one of the bugs, sending it tumbling backward, its body knocking into Vakarian. As he turned to spy if any other bugs were in shooting distance, a spray of acid burst across his helmet, alerting him to another bug to his side. To his great frustration, he turned quickly enough to watch the elder asari biotically warp it into a slimy, scattered mess. The ground beside her caught his eye, his arm instinctively unleashing a biotic throw that landed mere inches from her, drawing her attention to the minor horde of smaller bugs quickly flowing down the ramp toward them. Once again, his brain racked to place a word to what he was witnessing, but it was failing him. He merely rushed over to one of the insects harassing Williams, grabbing it by the tentacles and violently hurtling it into the wall, finishing it off with a powerful warp.

The room now a slimy mess of green entrails and broken machine parts, Wrex moved over to one of the more intact corpses, noting the acidity of the insects' previous attacks against his helmet. He didn't want to believe what he was seeing, but as his mind cleared, he was certain. His clan's oldest shaman, back when he was a young whelp, would teach them the glory of his people's victory over the formidable opponent, and Wrex was old enough to be aware of the aftermath of achieving such success. It seemed impossible; as blunt as he often was, it was hard to put to words.

"What in the fucking hell were those?!" Garrus yelled out angrily, as Wrex stomped his foot violently onto the insect's corpse, crushing its head. He heard someone answer the turian behind him but he paid it no heed. They didn't know the enemy.

"Rachni." He spoke simply, unable to hide the growl in his voice as he stared down at the rivals of his ancestors. The species his people had eliminated from the galaxy. _Or, so we thought. Guess I'll have to finish the job._


	31. Reunion

It just had to be spiders. There were very few things in the galaxy that Tali was terrified of; total suit failure, suffocating, thresher maws, and spiders. While the final item on that list wasn't entirely lethal like the rest, it still remained a source of terror for her. As a young child, her mother had brought her for a trek on a planet while the Rayya crew gathered supplies. It had been a wonderful trip, until she had wandered into a cave, not noticing or at least caring about the webbing covering the entrance, and the horde of tiny spiders that covered it. Within seconds, she had been covered in the scurrying insects, dozens all over her visor. Tali doubted she'd ever screamed as loud as then. It had taken hours to remove them from the exterior of her suit, having found their way into her pockets and head-scarf. Ever since, she had been mindlessly terrified of the things, or anything that bore resemblance, and the Rachni were similar enough for her. That they had piercing shrieks made it even worse, and harder to focus on the task at hand.

The section of the base that they'd been traversing had been disabled in an attempt to quarantine one of the buildings from the other, she assumed, and it was her duty to repair the VI core so that they could re-enable the systems and gain passage to Rift Station, the other half of Peak Fifteen's facility. It wasn't proving to be a difficult fix, just a lengthy, tedious one. These were the moments she felt proudest, knowing she was the best for the job and that the rest of the group both needed her and trusted her to accomplish the goal. She could only hope that perhaps one day, she'd be just as capable and trustworthy in combat situations. She did have a growing fondness for her shotgun, after all.

"Tali, you almost done there?" she heard Shepard ask kindly from above the pit she sat in. It was an odd structural decision, but she wasn't complaining too much. It kept the rachni out of sight, even if not out of mind.

"One last pass, Shepard. Just waiting for it to boot up, should only take a few more seconds." She spoke, standing up and confidently crawling out of the pit, taking the commander's hand for leverage.

As she finished brushing herself off, the VI came online as she had predicted, and Shepard immediately shifted her focus from her to the VI. Tali listened as it rattled off necessary procedures for powering the building up and releasing it from quarantine. There wasn't much to do, it seemed. _With the amount of people we have, we can do all of that in a few minutes, probably. You would think that ending a quarantine would be more difficult…_

"Tali, I want you, Kaidan, Garrus and Ash to fix the reactor core. I'm taking Shiala, Liara and Wrex to go take care of the land lines. We meet back here when we're done, alright?" the woman asked, drawing a nod from Tali. She liked her team; Kaidan was always kind, and both Garrus and Ashley were amusing at the very least, so long as Williams was able to keep her lack of expertise in galactic species in check.

"Sounds good, Shepard. We'll handle it." She said cheerfully, bounding off to meet up with the rest of the group, quickly joining their pack as they moved into the corridors leading to the reactor room. She expected it would be easy, she often would fix engines on the migrant fleet for fun. When the doors opened and more than a dozen geth were waiting in the large area, she tempered her expectations a little bit.

Garrus and Ashley immediately sprang into action, prompting Tali and Kaidan to pair up and take cover behind a terminal desk. She quickly loaded up her combat drone, sending Chiktikka to guard the doorway to her left, while the rest of the group made a push on the right side walkway. Ashley, as always, was firing maniacally with her assault rifle, both herself and Garrus overloading geth, while Kaidan used his biotics to send the machines toppling over the rails. It made for a solid strategy, and soon they had pushed through to the reactor core, Tali unleashing Chiktikka once again as she got to work on fixing the disabled machinery.

Her talons nimbly got to work, both rearranging physical hardware and tapping away on her omni-tool, bypassing security protocols and activating the core's boot processes. She was sure the fix hadn't taken long, but when she got up and turned around, the rest of the group were taking a breather, leaning up against nearby railings, no enemies in sight.

"I counted seven, Garrus." She heard Williams speak in a teasing manner, Garrus' mandibles vibrating in annoyance soon after.

"Eight. I had eight, that last one counted." The turian noted, crossing his arms.

Kaidan gave a small laugh, garnering his attention. "The one I sent over the railing whose foot you clipped with a round?"

"I hit it last before it was wrecked. I got eight." She saw Garrus harrumph, and turn away from the rest in frustration, prompting Williams to prod his shoulder lightly.

"It's alright, Garrus. Maybe you'll beat me next time if you shoot at their feet more often." Williams chuckled softly.

Tali decided that, despite having fun watching the turian be teased, it was time to go. "Fixed! Let's meet up with Shepard." She called out, bringing an end to a short but welcome reprieve.

The four of them soon found themselves back in the designated meeting area, only one Rachni having found its way there. _At least it was only one…_ she thought, after the group quickly dispatched it. _I can only hope that Rift Station doesn't have many of those bosh'tets left either._

Shepard and her group arrived a few minutes afterward, the commander missing a plate on her right shoulder, slight traces of crushed ceramic blend remaining over the durable under-armor weave. She hoped the woman wasn't too banged up, as she felt that they still had a long way to go.

The woman led the whole ground team through the unnecessarily winding corridors toward the tram, stopping them as they reached what seemed to be a decontamination checkpoint, though the warning of 'loose contaminants' displayed on a screen above, and coming in through the system's loudspeakers, was a little unsettling. _Just great…'loose contaminants' in a decontamination chamber…Keelah, inadvisable is putting it lightly…_

"Must be some way to easily deal with those things, in a place like this." Shepard noted calmly, turning towards her. Tali felt her stomach sink, having a good idea of what her friend would ask of her. "Tali, I want you to check out their systems, see if there's no way to purge whatever's in there."

Tali felt herself nervously wringing her talons, desperately not wanting to have to even look at another rachni while she was there. The thought of having to look at even one of them through a tempered glass panel was more than her insides could take at the moment.

"Sh…Shepard, there are a lot of us, I…can't we just open the doors and…and open fire?" Tali asked anxiously, her eyes flitting back and forth between the woman and the door to the security booth.

"We need to make sure we don't take on any more damage than we need to, and if we had to use grenades, that would be even worse." The woman spoke over personal comms, moving closer to her and resting a hand on the top of her head. "Any way I can bribe you with some high quality dextro stuff?"

Tali's shoulders slumped forward, knowing full well the commander was just doing so as a formality. "I…sure. If you could get some sterilized turian chocolate…" she started, her voice trailing off as her fear of rachni and other spidery things bubbled inside of her.

"Deal. I'll pick some up personally next time we're on the Citadel." Shepard said softly, and she noticed the woman dropped comms with her right after, moving to the universal channel they'd been sharing as a team. "Tali's going to check out how to deal with the chamber. Just sit tight everyone."

Tali moved to the doorway, freezing momentarily at it, her hand hovering over the access panel. As she moved her hand to the lit green square, she felt a hand grab her by the shoulders and casually place her a foot away; her eyes caught sight of Wrex looking unimpressed at her.

"I'll watch over the pup. Can't afford to lose the tech expert." The krogan grumbled, opening the door and revealing a series of terminals and equipment, which Tali made a beeline for. She decided to just ignore the krogan temporarily, as he always made her nervous. Quarians had rather dense skeletons, but she was pretty sure Wrex could still break her in half like an old rusty pipe. She was also pretty sure that the krogan wasn't fond of her, by how often he would call her pyjak whenever the opportunity arose. _He probably only didn't call me it this time because Shepard was around…stupid bosh'tet…_

Only vaguely was she aware of the rachni in front of her, the continual skittering of the insects occasionally stealing her attention from her work. She was desperately trying to keep from thinking about the fact that there were at least eight packed into the small compartment, with possibly more underneath the floor panels.

As usual, she eventually found herself within the previously locked out systems and quickly engaged plasma jets within the decontamination chamber, turning away from the window toward the krogan; she hated the rachni, but she didn't take any pleasure in killing them, or watching them die. She just never wanted to see them ever again.

As she opened her mouth to signal the krogan that she'd completed her job, floor panels erupted around her in the room, knocking her onto her back, and sending the krogan stumbling.

"Wrex!" she yelled out, swiftly reaching around to her mag lock and spraying an emerging rachni with a two shot volley from her lovely, beautiful firestorm shotgun. The beast went down quickly, to her surprise, and she hopped up to her feet, seeing the krogan brutally dispatching a rachni. It was only when another came up from the ground and managed to trip the krogan that she burst into action, dashing across the room and firing her last shot into one of the rachni on top of Wrex. Her shot managed to stagger the insect for a moment, though it only seemed to infuriate the thing, as its head turned toward her.

With her weapon overheated and only Chiktikka available to her, she did the only thing that came to mind. She tried squashing it. Tali quickly took her weapon and gripped the barrel with both of her talons, swinging it down violently against the insect's carapace, cracking it and causing a spatter of green ooze to spray from its head. Its set of pincers lashed out at her clumsily, enough so that she was able to duck and swing her rifle hard against the side of the rachni's head, sending it teetering a little bit. She didn't even notice the krogan holding the pincers out of harm's way as she continually brought the butt end of her firestorm down on the beast, only stepping away, breathless, when she was certain its head was thoroughly crushed.

Still dazed from the adrenaline and the fact that she'd successfully won a hand to hand battle against one of the terrible, disgusting spidery creatures, she simply put her shotgun back on her mag lock and moved toward the door, wanting to get the mission over with. A satisfied chuckle from the krogan reverberated through the room, but she wasn't sure what was so funny.

* * *

Seeing Tali covered in green ooze after the decontamination mishap had only furthered Shepard's notion that things just weren't going according to plan. She had made what she thought was a safe assumption that a secure facility would be built so that entrance from the decontamination chamber to the security room was impossible. She'd been wrong, and was thankful that Tali and Wrex had been basically unscathed, physically at least. She looked across the tram at Tali, who was still shaking, and frowned. _I need to be more careful, more cautious…can't take anything for granted. Almost had another Binthu situation…_

She knew she couldn't afford more injuries. They'd managed to avoid any major wounds, but the minor ones were adding up, bodies were tiring, and mistakes would surely be made going forward. _Shiala's definitely sprained her left leg, or maybe roughed up a ligament. Not sure, but she's hurting, and her mobility's her third best asset. Tali's in shock still. Kaidan's nursing a migraine, Ash's armor is nearly corroded away on her back, Garrus' legs are cut up, and as per usual, my right shoulder's messed up. Only Wrex and Liara are pretty much fully healthy, but even that won't last long at this rate…_

It was fortunate that the rachni were so predictable. At first, they'd been caught off guard, and took a while to adapt to the tactics of the insects. _Well, not sure I'd call rushing blindly at the nearest threat tactics. I find it hard to believe that a race of insects that threatened to overrun the galaxy were so damn stupid. At least it's kept us from piling on more injuries recently…_

Shepard's eyes glanced over to Liara and Shiala, sitting on the far edge of the tram, both of them holding hands and talking quietly to each other. She hoped that the elder asari could bring Liara some peace of mind, and that maybe their collective presence could help win over the matriarch. It seemed like a dim ray of hope, but she knew she had to take it to drown out the logical side of her brain that kept telling her that one side would have to die. _I can't let it come to that but…how the hell is anyone going to convince a brainwashed biotic powerhouse to stop doing her overlord's bidding? Fuck…I have a bad feeling about this…_

The tram slowly crawled to a halt, Shepard signaling everyone to take caution as she led the way off the vehicle. The area looked entirely free of signs of battle, which immediately set her on her guard. _Too clean here…how the hell did those rachni not make it over here? A straight path, already carved out for them to follow…they should be here. Or signs that they were…but there's nothing…_ she thought, creeping forward with her shotgun drawn. Signs up ahead gave rudimentary directions to what could be a lab ahead, and a barracks to the left. _Well, the lab looks closed off for now…and I'm not sure we have the time to sit around for a while hacking into a secure lab, so let's see if there's anyone else around first…_

Shepard took the left path, moving through a doorway into a smaller room with two exits side-by-side, one marked with the symbol of a flame, and the other with the familiar barracks sign. _Odd sign combinations…_ she thought, stepping into the elevator, once again finding herself greatly amused as everyone worked to cram themselves inside.

"Be on guard, everyone, I want biotics near the doors, barriers up in case of an ambush. Something doesn't smell right." Shepard noted, drawing a few nods, as well as a grunt from Wrex. The trip upward didn't take long, and soon the doors slid open, the group's barriers peppered momentarily with sparse gunfire before a balding man stood and yelled for his team to stand down.

Shepard squeezed through the party and strode toward the four soldiers, one in generic white armor making his way across the room to meet her.

"Sorry, couldn't be sure what came in on that tram." The man said apologetically, holstering his rifle on his mag lock. The statement rang a little false to her, and something about the situation didn't seem right. _Only four of them?_

"Pretty sure they're dumb as stumps, no way they could run a train. But hey, no autopsy, no foul, I guess." She said with a slight shrug, checking around for extra turrets or defensible positions. The room looked as if it had seen considerable battle. "Just the four of you?"

"Used to be twelve under my command here on a regular basis, with rotation, but the damn insects have been relentless, and some manage their way up here too often to really take many breaks. So when we learned the tram was active, I wasn't about to assume any god-damned thing." The man said tiredly, wiping stray beads of sweat from his brow. "Look, you're not an insect, so we're not going to shoot you, but I need to know who you are and why you're here."

"Name's Shepard, I'm a Spectre. Was in town for some business, and then heard this facility was having a bit of trouble. A companion of mine's house holds a major stake in this corporation, so I'm doing them a favour." She noted as confidently as possible. She knew she was capable of lying when she needed to, but whether it was received well often depended on how well people could read her.

The man shook his head in slight disbelief and leaned up against one of the barricades and gestured to himself. "Captain Ventralis, and I didn't get to be that rank by looking heavily-armed horses in the mouth." The man noted with a sigh. "The insects overran the hot labs a few days ago…five or six depending on if it's evening or not. Only one of the doctors, Han Olar, got out and…well, he hasn't really been in the best of shape since then. A little paranoid, or at least, a bit more than the rest of us. We're all a bit trigger happy and running on fumes, trying to last this out."

"Well, you probably have civilians you were protecting, and you were caught off guard, so I don't think anyone's going to fault you for lasting this long." Shepard said, hoping to both draw out information, and lighten the mood.

"The dead's families will, let's not lie to each other here." The man said gruffly, a flash of frustration rushing across his features. "Look, the board sent some asari to help deal with the situation, but we haven't heard from them since they went into the labs. As far as we know, they're dead, so if you all could help, even enough for us to catch a few winks, that would be fantastic."

Shepard mulled over the prospect and found herself uncomfortable with leaving a complement of her crew to man the barricades. _There's eight of us, and if I kept three here, I'd only have five, and if Benezia or more rachni surprised us…it could be tough…_

"Where are these things coming up from anyway?" Shepard asked, looking at a dislodged floor panel near the elevator.

"The hot labs, a few hundred metres beneath here. Somehow they've tunneled up from there…don't ask me how, or why they decided this would be a good place to attack." Ventralis said, gesturing to the improvised entrance the rachni were using.

"Well, I'm not sure I can spare the people to hold this position, but I can send some down to see what can be done about the rachni in the hot labs. Better to attack the source of the problem than let it grind you down." Shepard said, drawing a reluctant nod from the captain. "I promise you, in a matter of an hour or two, this will all be over. You've worked long and hard, I just have to ask that you work a little longer."

Ventralis looked to his men and dipped his head a little bit. "Yeah. We'll hold out here, keep the civvies safe. Just try and be quick, we're swimming in medi-gel and stims…won't be long till we crash." The man said sadly, handing over a passcard for the hot labs.

Shepard turned to her crew and thought for a moment, deciding some tact was needed in dealing with the issue. _Bullets seem to be hurting them more than biotics, really, and their acid's taken a toll on even mine, Wrex's and Ash's armor. If I sent down Shiala and Liara to deal with it, they could be eaten alive…_

"Kaidan, Ash, Wrex, Garrus…head down there, see what you can do, what the situation is down there. No heroics, we need you back as soon as possible." She noted, watching Wrex slam his fists together excitedly as the other three looked entirely lacking in excitement. She handed off the pass to Kaidan and turned back to Ventralis. "How are the civilians doing?"

"They're a bit antsy and panicked, but fine, all things considered. Haven't seen any in over half a day. Doctor Cohen's still probably running shop over there, so if your crew needs some fixing up, he could help." Ventralis said, returning to his post. "Anyway, we'll be here."

Shepard nodded and led the remaining three crewmates toward the barracks, stopping at a small alcove further down the hallway leading to their destination.

"Is something wrong, Shepard?" Liara asked, immediately finding the asari by her side. It was odd how the doctor could sneak up on her so quickly like that.

She knew she was probably just feeling paranoid, but she didn't want to put anything to risk. She'd been too reckless before, and it was time to be her more usual, cautious self. "No amount of stim-haze will have anyone mistaking a group of humans and asari and krogan and quarian and turians as rachni. I…I don't think those initial bursts were by instinct. Rachni can't work doors, we've seen that, so no way they could run an elevator." She rambled, noticing a look of understanding come across Shiala's face.

"They fired at us on purpose, probably weren't expecting barriers, or the numbers we carried." The elder asari stated, nodding her head. "Was it smart to send half of us down to the hot labs, then, knowing this?"

Shepard shrugged, letting out a light sigh. Whether her decision was smart, it was a neutral option that kept both sides balanced. "We may be groups of four now, but we're all diverse enough to be able to hold our own against those four, and any others that are in the barracks. And so long as the other group stays composed, I don't see them running into too much trouble." She started, giving a quick squeeze of the shoulder to Liara before continuing. "There's always a chance that either group runs into asari commandos, but if they haven't been seen in a while, then those are odds I'm willing to play. While they search the hot labs, we figure out how to get into the other labs on this level…we'll eventually find the Matriarch, and we'll get this mess over with."

"There's a distinct lack of weight behind your words, Commander. I sincerely hope you took my warnings about the Matriarch to heart." Shiala noted sidelong, drawing a short laugh from Shepard.

"Shiala, I fully understand the magnitude of the situation, as much as I possibly can, I figure. You think I don't realize we're heading in with the odds in their favour? We'll deal with it when we get there. No need to stress over it now and miss important details in the meantime because of it. We need to stay sharp, not worrying about how some future encounter could turn out." Shepard said, gesturing for the rest to continue along to the barracks with her.

A short trek through a few winding pathways led them to a large, open room; sleeping quarters to the right, an elcor merchant and wounded, bed-ridden scientists ahead, and two pathways to the left, one apparently leading to a lab, and the other a medical ward. To Shepard, everything looked fairly standard, the layout was similar to the one on Luna. The guards looked more tired than on edge over their arrival, though there was a hint of hostility in their body language. She'd excuse it , though her gut kept her constantly aware of the more heavily armed ones in the area. _Last thing I need is to start getting complacent…_

"Shepard, I'm just going to see about maybe getting some supplies." Shiala said, her tone brokering no argument as she quickly walked over to the large elcor. _Well, I'm not going to brave talking to another elcor anytime soon, lest I make a fool of myself again…though I'm not sure why it's so urgent, we're well stocked still…_

She shrugged her shoulders and gestured for the other two to follow her over to some of the beds, stopping abruptly as a nearby salarian cried out in panic, nearly scrambling fully off his bed before he seemed to become aware of his surroundings. Shepard cocked her head to the side a little in confusion and took a step toward the increasingly sheepish looking salarian.

"Sorry for the disturbance, I…haven't had much sleep since the attack, and…well, what little I get doesn't last long enough." The scientist rambled nervously. "Is…is there something you need?"

"Sounds like you could use a vacation, right about now." Shepard noted, hoping to relieve the scientist of his jitters.

The salarian made a snorting sound and shook his head quickly. "Vacation? No. Eight more months on my contract. The location is terrible, and I didn't expect anything like this, but the pay is a lot better than any other commercial lab. I'm fine here."

Shepard nodded, thinking of her next question. _Well, Saren seems to be paying these guys well, so this is definitely a major base of operations for him…but mindless rachni drones doesn't seem to be…well, worth the investment. Must be something else…_

"Outside of the pay, you don't like it here, though…right?" Shepard asked, hoping to maybe draw some more information on the working conditions from the scientist, in hopes to empathize with him, earn his trust.

"You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who enjoys Peak Fifteen. The outside world doesn't exist here, just walls of ice and rock…just the work and the discoveries…" the scientist said quietly, his words trailing off momentarily, uncharacteristic for what she knew about salarians. "It's easy to forget why science is guided by ethics in this vacuum. I guess we're paying for that now."

The scientist slumped back onto the edge of his bed, lending Shepard the will to move a little closer, taking a seat on a nearby vacant cot. "What do you do here, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'm a toxicologist…but I can't talk about my work. Not…not that I'm doing anything since the accident, anyway." The salarian noted tiredly, stumbling over his words a little at the end. Predictably, she latched onto that slip and yanked at it.

"The hot labs accident?" she asked simply, working off what she knew, though something told her that someone working in chemicals wouldn't likely be working with the rachni. _Galaxy already has deadly corrosive ammo, thresher maw shit's much worse than what the rachni have, so they probably aren't making weapons with the rachni venom…_

"No, nothing of the sort. I can't…I can't talk about it here, too public, would put my job at risk. But…" the scientist began, taking a moment to find his words, it seemed. "But you could talk to Doctor Cohen, down in the medical ward. He led the project."

Shepard nodded and wished she could smile, but didn't want to seem like too much of an opportunist. The salarian was obviously still affected by all the chaos on the station, and she understood that he needed a bit of time to recover. _And maybe, if I can find a reason to involve myself, I can help these scientists out AND get entrance into the labs, to find Benezia…_

"Hey, no worries. Just rest up… we'll have the hot labs cleaned up soon, and things will be back to normal before you know it." She said, getting off the bed and offering him a kind smile. "Thanks for your help."

The trip down to the medical ward was long and winding, a number of stairwells leading them further into the mountain's glacial walls. The trip hardly seemed worth it as Shepard stepped into the tiny room filled with cots, all holding bodies. _Whatever happened, there's a lot of sick looking people, and a big lack of acid burns and limb damage..._

After allowing her eyes to scan the plethora of bodies crammed within the room, her eyes caught sight of a thin man with salt and pepper hair leaning over one of the makeshift beds, scowling in her direction.

"What? What do you want?" the man asked quickly, obviously frustrated and agitated. "Tell Captain Ventralis to stop sending you down here, having you brutes hassle me will not provide any of you with an antidote!"

Shepard gulped back her instinctual retort and simply let the information sink in for a moment. "I'm sorry for disrupting your work, Doctor, I didn't mean to cause any disturbance." She noted, as she gathered her thoughts, stepping forward and offering her hand. "Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy, council Spectre."

The man gave her a quick curious look and took the handshake warily, nodding slowly. "Doctor Zev Cohen. So they finally let a human in? Good. I take it my assumption that you were with Ventralis was erroneous then?"

"Afraid so, Doctor, but if it's been a common enough occurrence for you to jump to that assumption, I can hardly blame you, can I?" Shepard said jovially, letting out a soft chuckle before returning to a more serious expression as she stood at the end of one of the cots. "Notice whatever you were hit with seems to have taken a bit of a toll on the crew here."

"A recent accident…they were unlucky enough to have been exposed to the toxin and…and I'm unlucky enough to have signed a non-disclosure agreement, and can't disclose any information, unless I wish to be blacklisted from private labs across the galaxy. Gods!" the doctor finished, turning his back to Shepard and firmly planting his hands down onto a nearby table.

Shepard could see the conflict seeping from the man's body language; she knew it would be simple enough to pry the details out of him. _I just don't want to pry it out…I prefer when it's offered._

"Look, I'm here on official business to help secure this facility, and…say that I thought that in order to secure this facility, I had to extinguish all possible threats. An order from a council Spectre to disclose such information…especially an order from someone with my colourful military history…I don't think the company would place too much blame on you." Shepard said as casually as she possibly could, quickly gaining the man's rapt attention. "Of course, this is a hypothetical situation I'm speaking of. Just saying." She finished, a sly grin curling slightly on her lips.

"I would say…under such circumstances…that I would hope the company values its people more than its secrets." Doctor Cohen noted, pausing deep in thought for a few long moments before continuing. "When the facility went into full quarantine and Mira shut down, the systems quarantining the toxin we'd been developing failed, and everyone nearby was affected by it."

Shepard nodded and moved closer to the doctor leaning up against the wall by the table he was at. "If I'm going to fix this for you, I'll need a little more than that." Shepard said, gesturing to Liara and Tali, who were still across the room, more or less; Liara standing awkwardly by the doorway, trying not to look at the bodies, and Tali hunched over by a series of crates. "I might not have a mind for science, but my partners here are probably capable of at least remembering long, tricky words that might escape me."

The doctor let out a heavy sigh and wiped his forehead. "We were developing a…bio-weapon. A lot of mining installations in the traverse have come in contact with a specific exotic species that can easily disrupt productivity…this was meant to target it, kill it." The man said hesitantly, and Shepard couldn't help but pounce on it.

"I'm sensing a 'but' somewhere in there, Doctor." Shepard noted lightly, hoping to keep the atmosphere from falling even closer to soul-crushingly depressing than the amount of prone bodies already made it.

"Isn't there always? The toxin was successful, but…not profitable. No money in making a toxin to affect just one species…at least that's what the board told me. We were tasked to keep working on it, adapt it to affect more species. Specifically, the decision to use samples from our own demographic here to test on was a foolish mistake." The doctor rambled, Shepard soon finding Liara had passed through the room, gathering closer to herself and the scientist. "Thoros-B, the toxin, is highly infectious, but it isn't transmittable from person to person. It could not cause a pandemic."

To her credit, Shepard didn't quite recall what a pandemic was, exactly. Or what a demographic was. She was thankful when she heard Liara's voice ring through the room. "More like a bullet or a bomb, than a plague." The asari spoke, immediately making sense of it to the commander. "Despite your intentions, and your pseudo-freedom from Citadel ethics boards here in Noveria, certainly you could have understood the absurd level of danger in this?"

"We thought that by developing it ourselves, we could limit the potential damage…militaries and mercenary groups would get a hold of weapons like this anyway, after all. I suppose it's hard to keep perspective here in our ivory tower…well, less a tower, and more a dungeon of ice and rock." The doctor noted sadly, his focus falling on Liara. "Regardless of whether you understand or not, this situation has left my control. Ventralis is keeping me here to look after the patients, and has quarantined my lab along with my notes and equipment. He refuses to allow any more contamination, despite it being impossible to contaminate anyone currently."

"How's that? Wouldn't the toxin still be dangerous?" Shepard added, drawing a brief look of scorn from the scientist.

"No! There's only a brief window of time when the compound is effective. It quickly breaks down into harmless protein within the span of a minute, but the Captain won't listen to me. So here I am. A microbiologist playing medical practitioner." Cohen said, crossing his arms, clearly annoyed at the situation.

Shepard quirked her mouth to the side, hoping Cohen was right, and that she wouldn't be putting anyone at risk unnecessarily. She still didn't completely trust the people on Rift Station, but the scientist had seemed fairly honest and truthful in his reactions and tone. "Well, I'll do what I can to convince Ventralis, if you let me know what I need to do." She said, shrugging.

"He won't let me down into my lab, that's for certain. Even though the…infestation issue wasn't my department, he still blames me for the initial outbreak. He's stubborn, someone else will have to take my place and create the antidote." Cohen spoke, brow furrowed as his focus shifted about the room.

"None of us are toxicologists or biologists or whatever. Think you could spare one of the scientists here?" Shepard asked, drawing a firm shake of the head from Cohen.

"I don't see it as possible. Anyone who has experience with this project worked under me, and to the Captain, any of them may as well be me." The doctor said, shifting his gaze between Liara and Shepard. "You all have proper environmentally sealed hardsuits and filtration systems. Even a simpleton like him would be able to understand that the threat of an airborne toxin would have no effect on you."

Shepard's hand pawed at the back of her neck, her fingers finding a path around the oxygen line to where the helmet's environmental seal rested; the instinct to scratch her neck was quickly subdued by logic, though it didn't make her feel any less nervous or stupid.

"There's still the issue of creating the antidote." Liara spoke up, a flash of clarity falling across Cohen's face.

"Of course, of course, I forgot to mention specifics. It is rather improper to develop a toxin without an antidote. Of course, as our toxin was adapted, our antidote needed to be as well. For this particular strain of it, we hadn't readied any anti-toxin by the time the quarantine broke, but we had readied the necessary supplies and instructions. It's actually quite simple…I have gained some new research assistants in recent weeks, and have worked to acclimate them to the technology we use. Everything will be spelled out as clear as day in my notes." Cohen rambled, drawing nods from both Liara and Shepard.

"I guess we'll see to it then, doctor. Carry on." She noted, turning toward the door, Liara falling in by her side. Tali, however, delayed for a moment, her omni-tool's orange glow clearly working at something during the brief time span.

As they exited the ward, Shepard opened a private comm channel to her favourite quarian, deciding to get insight into what had occupied Tali for so long.

"Hey, Tali, what were you working on back there?" she asked simply, hoping for an equally simple answer. She was tired of scientific rambling; it only ever seemed entirely compelling when coming from Liara, really.

"I was scanning some of the supply crates in the medical bay. Shepard…" Tali started, her voice trailing off into silence over the channel for a few moments. "Shepard, they were consistent with the codes found on Binthu and Feros."

Shepard ascended yet another flight of stairs, mulling over the possibilities. "What are you saying, Tali?"

"I'm…well…while there's a chance that they all originate from Binary Helix itself, I…I just have found too many similarities to the processing codes at Binthu that weren't flagged as from this place." Tali spoke, words stumbling out nervously.

She let out a deep breath and shook her head, hoping that the trail wouldn't have entirely continued to Noveria, but she knew if it did, she hoped it would end there. "Are you saying some of the people here are Cerberus?" she asked, more than a little confused. It was hard to imagine the group working with non-humans, but the fact that they had been working with Saren already set that precedent.

"I'm not sure, but there's a…modest chance, Commander." The engineer said, her statement only putting Shepard more on edge than before.

 _Great, now I have a matriarch, asari commandos, and goddamn Cerberus to worry about. And angry rachni. Just fucking great…_ she thought, ascending another staircase.

"Thanks, Tali. Let's get this over with."

* * *

Her prey was patient; it had been over a minute since Shiala had watched Shepard, Liara and Tali leave for what she expected was a lab, and the Matriarch's acolyte simply stood, meditating, biding her time. It had been both tremendously frustrating and exciting to learn that Alestia Iallis was planted in the barracks area, and that the acolyte had not recognized her _. I brought her through all of the training programs, I assigned her every detail she was given for close to sixty years in a row…she invited me to her sister's bondmate ceremony not a half century ago…how she does not recognize me is…astonishing…_

She had, upon entering the barracks, recognized Alestia immediately, and had made attempts to guard her own identity for as long as she could, but her former peer's focus never left her meditation, or Shepard. Shiala had even walked directly past the other asari a few times to try and provoke a response, but none came. _I knew that indoctrination dulled the senses, dulled memories in favour of Saren's thoughts and orders, but… I had no idea that it was so blinding…we…we may have a chance after all…_

Seconds after Alestia disappeared down the same hallway Liara had, Shiala followed suit, heading down the long, winding stairwells and toward the quarantine zone for the area. She was thankful that the guards weren't so thorough; telling the guard that she'd needed to bring necessary supplies to Shepard was all that was needed, even if the supplies were containers of medigel she'd taken a few seconds to squeeze into glass containers. _I didn't truly expect it would work, but I had hoped it would allow me the opportunity for a surprise attack…it seems these guards are truly too tired to concentrate. How fortunate for me, then…_

Shiala entered the main room just as Alestia was animatedly shooing the human workers away, many quickly scattering past Shiala, while others escaped into a storage area, by the look of the sign over the door. Shiala slipped behind some nearby crates, finding a volus cowering there, seemingly not having noticed her.

She didn't stay for long. Alestia disappeared into a room, and as the door shut, Shiala's plan set into motion, moving from cover to cover quickly, sneaking up on the only remaining armed individual aside from her in the room. The turian guarded the lab, though she felt it was a loose interpretation of the idea; his focus was lazy, his eyes weren't scanning the area actively, and that allowed her to easily find herself behind a pillar, ten feet away. She crossed the ten feet quickly as his distracted behaviour continued, her biotics tossing him into the wall fiercely. As his mouth opened to speak, her hands were already in motion; her elbow crashed down on his collarbone with biotically infused force, her right leg sweeping his as her hands grabbed his fringe firmly. The distinct, familiar sound of turian skeletal structure fracturing as his vertebrae splintered brought her no joy, but it at least allowed her to keep her mission intact. _His headset wasn't activated during the attack, and what sounds he did make…well, they weren't loud enough to draw attention, it seems. Good._

Shiala moved across the room quickly, positioning herself on the wall beside the doorway Alestia had vanished into. She could hear dull sounds from within and readied her knife. She knew the acolyte was much more effective with a firearm than in melee combat, and Shiala was intent on taking advantages where she could find them.

Her thoughts swirled around the possibilities of whatever encounter awaited her; Alestia was a competent commando, so she couldn't help but worry over having to deal with her and any potential backup. She'd followed them all down to the lab to help Liara avoid the danger of facing a commando, but that was still a possibility, if she failed. _Though I can't…I can't fail, and…and if her senses aren't sharp, I might be able to do away with her quickly…if she is with other commandos, I fear I will not be so lucky as to live._

As the door slid open, it seemed as if time slowed considerably; her arm was in motion the second the sound found its way into her ear canal, arcing the blade downward in expectation that Alestia would do as she often would, succumb to her ego and lead. She saw a body emerge from the doorway and react. Shiala suppressed a frown at the ever so slight hesitation on her counterpart's behalf, a quarter of a second slower than it should have been, enough for Shiala to adjust the trajectory and plunge the knife into Alestia, the blade severing her subclavian artery. She braced her barriers for the acolyte's reactive biotic push, and grabbed the asari, having noticed the geth following her out. _She should have been able to react…you never walk out blind when on a mission…might have been a fraction of a second, but it was enough. Sloppy, amateurish._

The machines fired at will; a barrage of gunfire exploding across the dying acolyte's body, as she tossed a singularity behind the three geth soldiers. It took only a moment for her to charge into the trio of machines, knocking them backward into the singularity as Alestia's former body took the brunt of the impact. A swift biotic warp quickly followed, the geth erupting into shrapnel that thankfully only managed to graze her armor, as her old student and peer once again absorbed a considerable amount of projectile violence. Shiala loosened her grip, taking possession of her knife in the process, and let the corpse unceremoniously fall to the floor. _It should have been different, Alestia…what happened to you?_ She thought, shaking her head and turning to exit the room. _I trained you better than that…didn't I? Was she always so…lacking? Were the Matriarch and Liara always in danger because of it? No…no…it has to be this indoctrination…Goddess, I'm not sure whether to feel relieved or horrified._

It took a few steps toward the lab for her to come to a conclusion. _Both. Certainly both._

* * *

Kaidan was glad that Shepard hadn't been in his group, as the elevator crept toward their destination. It had been eight minutes of elevator action, and he knew the woman would be absolutely livid and raging by that point. _Though it's not like I have a much better squadmate in Wrex…he keeps looking like he's about to tear off the doors and try to jump down. Wouldn't put it past him, really…_

It had been a trying experience on Noveria, being paired mostly with Wrex. He wasn't sure whether she did it to try and get him to stop holding back in his abilities, or to try and keep Wrex from being full blood-rage all the time. Either way, he took it as a compliment, albeit a confusing one. Having the team of Garrus and Ashley accompanying them only added fuel to the growing sense of teamwork between himself and the krogan. Wrex, despite his chaotic attacks, was more and more predictable the longer he was around him, and that let him fill in and cover the krogan's blind spot and provide suppressive attacks during cooldown. They weren't the well-oiled machine that the turian and the marine were, but he liked to think that they were a little more ready for any surprise, given their combined biotics and the krogan's regeneration, alongside his mind for tactics.

As the elevator doors finally slid open, the sense of disappointment was clear in his partner, though he knew the rest of them were more than a little relieved; there were no rachni in sight, only a single, wounded human scientist.

"Are you here to secure the situation?" the scientist called out from his seat in the middle of the nearly empty room, nestled tightly behind a small desk; his voice strained and wary as he shifted in his seat. The man looked to be in his early forties, his accent from one of the northeastern regions within the European Union, from what Kaidan could tell.

He felt a slight pit in his stomach from the situation, looking around the barren room, clear signs of equipment having been hauled out of the area quickly and without consideration to the floors, all scratched and torn up from the apparently quick evacuation.

"How are you holding up?" he asked the man, slowly moving further into the room. "We were told the situation here was…grim."

"You…listen. If we do not contain our mistake, they will drop bombs onto the facility from orbit…none will survive. Do you understand?" the scientist asked, his speech quickening as each word spilled out.

"The mistake being that you let these rachni loose?" Kaidan asked, crossing his arms, causing the man to frown instead of the flinch he was expecting.

"I was only following orders. We found an egg on a derelict ship a few months ago, it had spent thousands of years just…drifting." The man noted carefully, clearly trying to choose which words in order to tell the story his own, safe way. "Inside we found more, smaller eggs in cryogenic suspension. It was…well, a miracle."

Kaidan's eyes widened at the confession, not understanding why anyone would consider the return of the rachni a miracle. "Well, an egg that old hatching is a bit…it's a little amazing, but I wouldn't say the result has been worth it."

"Yeah, LT, I'm not sure this would qualify as a miracle." Ashley added sounding a little angry and a little confused.

"That it hatched was miraculous. We planned to clone the rachni…" the man started, before Wrex surprisingly stepped forward, his posture full of rage.

"Mass produce them…create an army! You…" Wrex growled, ending his small bout of words with a loud roar as his fist crashed down upon the man's desk, breaking it in half.

The scientist rolled back in his chair, away from his destroyed desk and Wrex, but his look of disappointment didn't fade. "Except the egg was no ordinary egg…it was a queen. We thought it would simplify the process, let her lay fresh eggs and raise them apart from her to make them obedient…but it appears she is needed to shape their minds. Without her, they have been uncontrollable."

Wrex once again began pacing nearby, though it seemed more like stomping than anything, to Kaidan. "I was wondering why this place wasn't overrun. You only had the first few groups of eggs that hatched…I remember stories of my ancestors thinking they'd eliminated a colony, only for a hidden queen to re-colonize it within days…they're like a living plague."

The scientist faced the krogan and gave him a tired, scornful look. "Yes, we quickly realized the situation was out of our control." He noted darkly.

Kaidan had noticed the man's avoidance of saying who he worked for, and considering the facility was run by Binary Helix, he knew it was either the scientist considered it too obvious to state, or it was a more troublesome group that would only make him even happier than Shepard wasn't there with him.

"And by we…you mean Cerberus?" he asked simply, drawing the man's attention. He hadn't seen any non-humans through his limited time in the facility, but humans were vastly outnumbered in Port Hanshan by the council races. The look on the scientists' face confirmed his suspicion, as the man turned away and looked to the door on the far side of the room.

"I am human, am I not? If we had been able to control the rachni, hundreds…thousands of human soldiers would not need to be sacrificed so carelessly by the Alliance. We're simply trying to advance humanity's interests, soldier." The scientist noted casually, letting out a brief yawn afterward. "We have a neutron purge system set up as a failsafe in case of emergency, but it is a number of rooms away, through secure quarantine zones. Not a far distance, but there are rachni there and they would be alerted if you attempted to pass through."

Kaidan wasn't pleased with either the explanation of the scientist's ideology, or the fact that they would be wading through insect hides waist high, soon enough. He spotted Wrex moving toward the door out of the corner of his eye before looking over the scientist; the man's wound across his stomach was severe, and it likely wouldn't be long before he would succumb to the injury _. I should help, he's unarmed, and a civilian, but…he works for a terrorist group and might have unleashed the rachni on the galaxy again…and we might need our limited supplies in case there's an encounter with Liara's mother…_

"How do we execute the purge?" Kaidan asked, simply.

"The arming controls are in the central control lab. Through the door, keep going straight until you hit a fork in the hallway. Take a right. First door on your right. The door's access code is 144301, and…and this is the key to engage the purge. There is a dock with Mira in the room, and there will be a slot in it. Simply insert the key, turn it on, and give the code 875-020-079 to the VI." The man said slowly, ensuring Kaidan was keeping track of the information as he handed over a small silver key. "Then get the hell out of there, the rachni will probably come further topside due to the heat and noise of the purge preparation process."

Kaidan shook his head, wishing he hadn't had to deal with such a mess _. I could call Shepard for backup, but…I think we can handle this. It IS my call…_

"Williams, Vakarian, let's move out. We'll patch up the scientist on the way out." He said, knowing the last part was a lie, but he couldn't quite handle telling the truth of it to the man, and he didn't really want to think of the implications it had on his character for not providing help when possible. He made the comfortable decision, he knew, not necessarily the right decision, or the just decision, or even the moral decision.

In the end, he decided not to think about it, and just get it done.

* * *

"Wrex, let's GO!" Garrus heard Kaidan yelling as he and Ash provided cover fire from the elevator for the third time. It had been easy to get to the Mira dock and enact the purge, and getting back to the elevator was much harder. However, it was not as difficult as getting Wrex to go inside the elevator, and a few times, they'd had to leave in order to help the krogan destroy another wave of the insects. He shot another rachni in the nose, a weak spot he'd found, as his partner sprayed down and pushed back a few more coming up from the floorboards.

"It's my duty to destroy…" Wrex started yelling, but a powerful push from the human Lieutenant sent the krogan across the room toward the elevator, skidding on his back. Garrus and Ash took the brief opportunity and dragged Wrex closer toward the elevator, though the krogan soon shook them off and stood.

"We've done it, but I don't plan to die down here, Wrex! These things are dead, they just don't know it, but I know we'll be if we don't get out of here right now!" Kaidan yelled out with a ferocity he hadn't seen from the human before. "Now get in the elevator, or Williams is going to trounce you in your damn kill count for the mission! She's up by three!"

Garrus snickered at the tactics, deciding to add in for fun. "Or a certain turian could take the crown. Heck, I hear that Tali's racked up a pretty high number herself." He added, hiding his amusement as Wrex continued to blast away with his shotgun from the elevator's doorway.

"That pyjak's cheating, using a stupid combat drone." Wrex growled, erupting yet another rachni.

Kaidan gave Wrex a futile push with his hand, and stared the krogan down. "Well I guess you'll have to show us that a krogan is at least equal to a quarian and her little pet, then, won't you?" the Lieutenant asked, his voice holding some steel to it. Garrus wondered whether the man had been so aggressive through the whole mission, or if it had been a recent development. The Normandy had been a catalyst for change, he knew, and it had been interesting to see so many people's perspectives or skills shift.

Wrex merely growled, fired off another volley of shots, and then stepped into the elevator. "Damn thing better kill them all. I don't trust VIs to do a krogan's job." The krogan grumbled, holstering his weapon and crossing his arms.

The group quickly made their way back toward the main lobby of the station, explosions erupting beneath them, momentarily rocking the transport, but it seemed they were too far out of range of the blast for any serious damage to be wielded on it.

Another short elevator ride toward the barracks, and they came face to face with an empty room, the previously manned barricades seemingly forgotten.

He saw Kaidan bring his hand up to his helmet, opening a channel. "Commander, the hot labs are now secure. We've headed back and…yeah, the labs are clear, and … I'm just wondering where Ventralis and his people are…" the Lieutenant said, looking like he was straining to hear Shepard. "Oh…alright. We're on our way."

Garrus cocked his head at the man as he fell in step with him. "What's going on?"

"Shepard apparently found out Cerberus was here when Ventralis and his guards decided to fire on them. They're down in Lab B, we need to hurry." Alenko noted with haste, continuing to rush down the corridors toward the lab, the map of the facility shining from his omni-tool.

Each elevator was unguarded, each obvious checkpoint left unstaffed. Garrus couldn't help but hope that they weren't up against a few dozen guards, and that many of the posts had been abandoned beforehand due to casualties. _It would just make things easier. We left the hot labs with a few scratches on us, and we can't afford to get hurt fighting these xenophobes._

A few steps ahead, Kaidan raised his hand, signaling them to stop. As soon as Garrus got close enough, he understood. The Cerberus guards were piled up outside the entrance of a door of some maintenance area, gunfire sounding from within the corridor.

Garrus watched as guards rotated, to keep a steady stream of fire and in order to re-supply. There weren't a lot of guards, but there were just under twenty, and he could spot Ventralis from where he stood. _This should be…surprisingly easy. I guess when you're dead tired, you kind of forget about important things like watching your flank…Almost feel bad for what we're about to do…_

Kaidan lifted his hand and began making certain orders, Garrus sitting back behind a crate for cover and stabilizing his rifle atop it, while Wrex prepared to charge in. At Alenko's signal, he fired a shredder round clear through the captain's head, watching Wrex and Ash pressure the present Cerberus flunkies into the maintenance tunnel with their body and heavy barrage respectively, Alenko's blue bursts constantly lifting any stragglers off to the side and neutralizing them for easy pickings. The chaos worked against the exhausted guards and soon, they were merely a pile of corpses between their group and Shepard's.

In truth, he had grown to hate Cerberus, though the growth was short lived and rapid. He'd gone to Shepard about a notorious criminal he'd spent time chasing while a part of C-Sec, detailing the gruesome ways that Doctor Saleon would treat his patients, and ultimately what came of it. He was surprised to hear that, while not as manipulative on a physical level as the salarian, Cerberus had done their own horrific things and played on the tragedy of children to gain their advances. To hear that their capture of the Cerberus agent resulted in no new information and what seemed, to him at least, to be a mercy death by the Alliance instead of proper interrogation, just brought on a similar fury. Each Cerberus guard he saw, he imagined the helpless, desperate patients under Saleon's 'care', refusing to let himself consider that perhaps these guards deserved a fair trial. _They're too corrupt…too long from the reach of justice…_

Kaidan led Garrus and the others through the corridor, meeting Shiala and Shepard, who had gone out to scout, and reconvened with Liara and Tali shortly afterward.

"Seems Cerberus doesn't like you, Shepard." He noted slyly, patting the woman on the shoulder, drawing a hard laugh from her.

"Can't see why. I gave them a cure, and all I got in return were hostile ballistic rounds." The woman stated jovially, moving over to the quarian, who was busy working on a nearby door. "Anyway, listen up everyone. We've checked pretty much every lab but this one and a smaller one a few metres down the hall. I want everyone to know what's needed of them."

Garrus did his part, paying apt attention to the woman as the rest formed a small half-circle by the door. Only Wrex seemed bored, but that was no surprise; Wrex rarely seemed excited out of combat.

"I'm pairing non-biotics up with biotics to make sure everyone's nice and balanced. Garrus, you're with Kaidan. You're both pretty good at everything, so I'm going to need you both to really be on your A games, and multitask well. Tali, you're with Wrex. His size and recovery should buy you time to use Chiktikka effectively, and the shotgun should help take care of everything else. Ash, you're with Liara. I want you railing away with suppressive fire and basically just tearing any enemies new ones, and if I want that to happen, you'll need someone with great barriers. Liara's a good fit for you." Shepard listed out, gaining nods from everyone, and a surprising lack of a disdainful grunt from Wrex. "Shiala and I will be running the gauntlet…drawing fire and basically helping out any pair we see in trouble. We're a bit more mobile, so with any luck, we should be able to hopefully keep any group from being too overwhelmed."

Shepard gestured to Garrus, who laid out a moderately sized backpack on the ground in the middle of them, spreading out the items he had been carrying.

"I don't know exactly what to expect, but everyone should have their main weapon modified to use either radioactive or proton rounds, because chances are, we'll be dealing with biotic barriers. We take away that strength, and we'll stand a chance." The woman continued, stopping her brief stint of pacing by the doorway. "If we come into contact with commandos, they are your top priority above all else. Otherwise, anything that's an enemy, and that moves…shoot it, preferably from cover. We have a shuttle inbound for evac, so we'll check here, and then the next lab. We finish the job, and we go home, alright?"

Garrus once again gave confirmation, grabbing an ammo mod and modifying his rifle on the spot, soon finding himself modifying Liara's handgun as well to speed things up.

From his point of view, the group as a whole had taken some damage, but they were all in fighting form. He figured that, whatever came next, they would be ready for it.

When they eventually hacked into one of the doors to the nearby lab, that expectation was flipped on its head considerably.

_Spirits…_

* * *

_Goddess…_

The rachni queen was massive, and even though it was stored in what seemed to be a large, reinforced glass tank, it was still quite terrifying to Liara. She couldn't imagine how terrified Tali was, even while feeling the quarian's talons clutching her shoulders tightly as she cowered behind her. _That queen is enormous! Hatching it…I cannot imagine how shocking it must have been. I merely hope it cannot escape from where it is…_

Liara tore her gaze from it and briefly glanced at Shiala and Shepard to her left, who were busy staring directly ahead of them. Liara turned to match theirs and noticed her mother, standing calmly on the platform up the staircase ahead of them, too busy staring at the queen to have paid heed to their entry.

"Matriarch Benezia." Shepard stated simply and firmly, slowly drawing her mother's attention as the elder asari's head turned to face them.

The Matriarch's eyes were slightly unfocused and dull, lacking the crisp, lively blues she recalled so fondly. From her eyes, to her stony expression and her absurdly dark clothing that her mother would have loathed on any occasion, Liara knew that whatever she was staring at was not her mother. _It lacks her essence…this is a wretched imposter!_

"You do not know the privilege of being a mother. There is power in creation, to shape a life…turn it toward happiness or despair." The Matriarch began, turning her whole body toward them. Liara hadn't heard such a tone from her mother in decades, not since she warned Firaya T'Susza about her reckless political behavior at one of the forums held at her household. It was unnerving. "Her children were to be ours, raised to hunt and slay Saren's enemies. It is unfortunate, Shiala, that you have strayed from Saren's light."

Liara watched Shiala take a step forward, only then noticing the handful of commandos slowly moving into position in the room. Shepard seemed to be aware of it as well, her right foot constantly pivoting as it pointed out the commandos in the room.

"Matriarch, Saren's light is just a trick on your mind…it has fouled it, led you astray. I am free of his reign, and see the truth of his deceit and manipulation. Return with us, and we will help free you of his influence. Let us return to Thessia." Shiala spoke earnestly, drawing a nod from Liara.

"Commander Shepard, are you so foolish to believe I will be moved by sympathy? By bringing in my traitorous former acolyte, and my foolish daughter?" The Matriarch asked, a hit of amusement in her voice, though her expression remained flat.

"Liara's here because she wants to be, it's that simple. Shiala's here to show you that life without Saren is preferable. I'd prefer you come with us without any conflict, but I see you've come prepared, Matriarch." She heard Shepard say as her own eyes remained locked on her mother's face. She felt a pit form in her stomach as her mother's eyes caught her own.

"Indeed. Tell me, Liara, what have you told her about me?" Her mother's voice filled the room, though there was something inherently wrong about it. Her brow furrowed in anger at the thought of this doppelganger asserting it was her mother.

"Nothing. You are not my mother. My mother would never ally herself with Saren, never bow to his will, never attempt to assassinate me! What could I say about you? Should I explain how to kill you? What could I say?" she asked, frustrated beyond belief that she was in her current situation. It felt disgusting hearing her mother's voice be so tainted, to see her mother's body be abducted by Saren's will.

She watched the Matriarch shift her focus slightly to Shepard. "Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have." The imposter said, as Liara noticed the commandos were fully set up in their positions.

"No, but I've fought krogan battlemasters, and I'd like to think they're an alright equivalent." Shepard quipped, her right hand reaching for her shotgun.

"Your insolence is a poor mask for your fear." The Matriarch spoke coolly, tossing out a stasis field that Liara and Shiala's barriers were quick enough to repel.

Liara quickly backpedaled to Ashley's position, raising her barrier as she followed the woman down a corridor to a set of crates, taking cover behind them as the woman barraged the oncoming duo of acolytes, who pressed on as their own barriers held. For a moment, at least.

Shiala's flying body knocked the one in the rear of the two onto the floor, allowing herself and Ashley to focus on the one remaining threat. The acolyte took up cover behind a nearby pillar, tossing out the odd biotic push or explosive round from her cover, while Ashley followed what the marine called a 'spray and pray' tactic, riddling the pillar with bullets to the point where Liara couldn't help but wonder how it remained upright and stable.

It was only when geth broke into the lab entrance behind them that the stalemate was broken, Ashley turning her fire toward the machines, letting Liara deal with the unenviable task of repelling the acolyte. Lacking any heavy or significant weaponry, she found herself unable to do major damage to the asari, only a small stomach wound, and quickly found herself in hand to hand combat once the acolyte closed in.

From a certain range, and if all attacks were biotically enforced, Liara was sure she could repel the attacks, but it wasn't one of those times. For every three strikes Liara blocked with her arms or repelled with her barrier, two regular strikes found themselves through her defenses, an uppercut staggering her backward momentarily, a kick sending her tumbling onto her back.

Gritting her teeth, she got to her feet just in time to block a biotic punch, the acolyte easily avoiding her feeble attempt at a sweep. _I need to remind myself later to take hand to hand lessons with Shiala…or Shepard…_ _Goddess, I am poor at this!_ She thought, pushing out her barrier to put some space between them, and quickly tossing out a throw to interrupt the acolyte's attempt to put Williams in stasis.

Ashley was back in the battle quickly, and not a moment too soon. The acolyte seemed to have little trouble at close range, knowing Ashley couldn't fire without potentially hitting Liara. Both fought hand to hand, Ashley the only one carrying a weapon as she tried to make contact with her knife, slashing down at the acolyte after a landed punch from Liara seemed to wind the asari.

The commando quickly reacted, swaying to avoid the knife and kicking hard at Williams' knee, crumbling the soldier to the ground as Liara blocked yet another biotic throw, keeping her from taking advantage of the acolyte's vulnerable state. The three of them went on for what seemed like forever, trading blows, but the commando seemed to be getting the better of them constantly. Liara did her best to stop any stasis attacks or biotic strikes, but often paid for it in the volume of purely physical strikes she received. Ashley, for her part, had managed to cut open the acolyte in a number of areas, but her own face had taken damage, and the marine was favoring her left leg considerably.

Liara yet again interrupted the acolyte's attempt at stasis, a sneakily hidden attempt in her recovery from a kick, and threw out a punch, which the asari caught. Ash, getting up from another hard kick to her weakened knee, was too slow to stop the vicious elbow that impacted against Liara's face, sending her stumbling back into the nearby railing. Liara went to raise her arms to guard herself for the next attack, but it didn't come; a bright blue flash erupted in front of her, knocking the acolyte a number of feet backward violently.

Ashley didn't waste the opportunity, drawing her gun and riddling the asari with bullets, her proton rounds occasionally pushing past the commando's barriers and turning her into a bloody mess. Liara gave a thankful nod to Shiala and turned to see the rest of her surroundings. It was only then that she noticed the chaos.

Across the room, she spotted Garrus and Kaidan fighting off another commando in close quarters, Tali a few metres away methodically dismantling geth soldiers, and upon the platform her mother had stood, she witnessed Shepard and Wrex battling the Matriarch. _Goddess…_ she thought, never having seen her mother in the heat of battle. She'd only been watching for a few seconds, and it was enough to tell that by how both seasoned soldiers were being rag dolled, they were clearly overwhelmed.

"Help Garrus and Kaidan, Shiala…the gunnery chief and myself will assist Shepard and Wrex." She spoke firmly, moving slowly toward the staircase up to the battle.

"My lady, I would prefer…" she heard her mentor spoke, but she would have no disagreements. Too much was at stake, and she recognized the remaining acolyte as Shiala's second in command, a constant favourite in An'Jukh tournaments across Thessia. Without the aid of someone better versed in hand to hand, she felt that both Garrus and Kaidan's lives would be in danger, and her conscience would not allow her to let Shiala focus on her mother while those two toiled with a hand to hand specialist.

"You will aid them immediately, then return and help us with mother." She said, not taking her eyes off of her mother as the made it to the base of the stairs. She heard Shiala dart away and was pleased that her mentor's emotions hadn't clouded her judgment for too long. She knew she'd been guilty of it, though she was now clearly seeing the source.

Memories of her mother, both good and bad, flowed through her mind as she took a step onto the staircase. _It was so easy…before, it was so easy to just assume that mother's behavior toward me was a growing frustration in my career choice, but now I see it so clearly. Even before, there were amused grins during vid-calls, knowing smiles when I'd explain my research and my issues with being taken seriously by my peers. She may not have approved, but there was always a light in her eyes, and in that, I knew that she was still my mother…that she still cared…it was only in the past two decades that she had begun to change…I would see her less often, I would be denied communications…eventually disowned, but her eyes…_ she thought of how slow the progression was across the past years, but she clearly recalled the tour her mother did, and how she had seemed so flustered afterward. _It had to have started then…twenty two years ago…but…if this has gone on for that long…no, it must have. It must have. I witnessed that light in my mother twist into darkness, her love evacuate her body alongside her essence…she only changed and began tormenting me, hating me…because of HIM…_

Liara took another step, and then another, each filling her with more rage than the last at how her mother was stolen from the galaxy by Saren. Her bold, intelligent, kind mother who had vowed to create a cohesive galactic community, who had promised Thessia that she would lead them to a brighter future, who had imprinted on Liara the knowledge of her boundless, eternal love for her, a love Liara had never given up on.

"Fire on the Matriarch and do not stop until I say so." Liara gritted out, raising a barrier around the both of them as they ascended. Ash kept to her promise, sending a torrent of gunfire at the elder asari. The response was quick and vicious, the Matriarch hurling a powerful biotic throw at them, Liara's barriers just managing to hold under the strain. Liara, in her rage, focused as hard as she could and tossed one back at her mother's body, managing to stagger the elder asari slightly before yet another blast collapsed Liara's barrier and sent her stumbling down a number of steps from the sheer force.

As she regained her footing, she held her breath, watching as the Matriarch turned aside one of Shepard's biotic kicks and brutally launched her backward, a loud crack emanating through the room as Shepard's spine impacted against the railing, her body sliding over it. The woman's hand caught hold of the railing, letting Liara know she was alive, but in danger. _I have to act now!_

She continued up the stairs to the platform quickly, witnessing Wrex charge into the Matriarch, who absorbed some of the hit, sending her skidding back a foot or so, before throwing Wrex into a nearby pillar and biotically lifting him, making him prone as well. Williams' gunfire had merely bounced off the asari's barrier, but Liara was hoping that soon, it would penetrate and allow them an upper hand. She knew she'd have to help weaken her mother's barrier, and the thought was intimidating. She had seen her mother's biotic strength before, but she knew she'd have to break it if they were to make it out of Noveria alive.

"Fire, Ashley!" she yelled, standing in the way of Shepard, hoping to prevent her mother from capitalizing on the commander's vulnerable situation. As Ashley's barrage peppered into the Matriarch's barriers, slowing her progress, the elder slowly moved across the platform toward her, a terrible grin on her face as she lashed out with powerful biotic attacks, Liara's barriers erecting and collapsing under the force constantly. She just tried to believe she was back in the Normandy's cargo bay, sparring with Shepard, keeping herself as a wall in front of the woman as she recovered, erecting small, sturdy barriers to block directional attacks. She didn't hear Shepard get to her feet behind her, her senses fully captured as Shiala charged into view, impacting against the Matriarch's barriers, collapsing them momentarily, enough for a single wound to pierce the asari's midsection.

The elder asari lashed out quickly, both erecting her barriers again and forcefully slamming Shiala into the terminal desk across the room. As she saw Wrex finally drop to the ground from the effects of the lift, another blue blur blew past her and crashed into the Matriarch, again destroying her barriers, letting Williams land another three shots before her weapon overheated.

Shepard took action quickly, grabbing the staggering asari by the arm and flinging her hard onto the ground, landing a vicious biotically charged strike to the Matriarch's ribs before straddling her.

Liara rushed over, seeing her mother's body coughing up blood, a pained look on her face as Shepard had an arm cocked back, ready for another punch.

"Saren…he's…he's unstoppable! Filled with his light, my…my mind is…clear… you will…you…" The Matriarch spoke between bloody coughs, Liara noticing a clarity emerging in the asari's eyes. _Mother? Are…are you trapped in there? Goddess!_

"You're lying. Mother, I know you're still in there, please, fight him!" she yelled, kneeling beside Shepard and staying the woman's arm as Williams quickly made her way over to the terminal, helping Shiala to her feet.

"I…Saren, he…Saren…I can't…betray…" the asari spoke, her words lacking the previous certainty, her eyes shifting over and finding Liara's. "Liara…my child."

"Mother!" she cried out, taking Benezia's hand in her own.

Benezia's face twisted for a moment, before falling into a familiar calm expression, her eyes glimmering with the light that she hadn't seen in decades. The mere sight of her mother, of her mother's essence, nearly brought her to tears. She wanted so badly to meld, but knew it would be too terrible of a danger to risk it.

"You must listen. I still hear Saren's whispers…in my mind. I can only… briefly fight his compulsions. Indoctrination is…strong. So strong. Sovereign…it bends thoughts, realities, to fit Saren's will." Her mother strained out; the pain from her injuries seeping into every word, though Benezia still held a warm smile for her.

"How did you manage to break free now?" Shepard asked with ragged breaths, obviously wounded from the fight. Benezia gulped back the blood she'd been coughing up and kept her focus on Liara as she spoke.

"I sealed a part of myself away from indoctrination… saving this untainted part of me for a...time when I could destroy him. It was difficult…I thought I could resist it…I became a willing tool, eager to serve…I failed." Benezia answered, freeing her hand to wipe the brimming tears in Liara's eyes. Very quickly, her emotions were too much for her to hold back, mentally tossing aside asari customs in favor of a heartfelt plea.

"You have not, you…you can still help us, mother." Liara choked out, biting down on her lip to repress her tears. "I can't watch you slip away from me again, I…I cannot. You must fight it, help us!"

Benezia let out another few coughs, her purple blood spattering across the steel floor. "I have already helped Saren. I…I mined the Rachni Queen's brain…for the coordinates of the Mu relay. I was not kind…gave them to Saren, to help find the Conduit." Her mother spoke, her breathing slightly easier as Shepard shifted her weight from Benezia's chest to her hips, which Liara was thankful for. She could see the puppet of her mother's body hurt, but seeing her mother in pain was horrible.

"The Mu Relay was lost in one of the rachni's nebulas. Hard to believe Saren would go through this trouble just to find it." Wrex grumbled, limping nearby and leaning on the railing.

"He will do anything to find the Conduit. He will…do anything to bring back the Reapers." Benezia spoke, finally turning her gaze from Liara to Shepard. "There is…an OSD in the terminal…it has a copy of the data I gave Saren just a few minutes ago."

Liara noticed Garrus limp his way over to the terminal out of her peripheral vision, glad to see he was alright.

"Where does Saren plan to go from the relay?" she asked, bringing her mother's attention back to her.

"I cannot say. This…was my mission to get back in…good standing with him again. And…Goddess…" Her mother spoke, words intermixed with coughs. "You need…you need to stop… me. His teeth are at my ear. Fingers…my spine. You…"

"Fight him, mother, please!" Liara cried, her hands scrambling for Benezia's, but her mother moved her hand out of the way.

"He is in my head…always…I will never be the same again. End me." Benezia said as clearly as possible, gulping back the blood and looking deep into Liara's eyes. "You have always…made me proud…my Little Wing."

Liara's tears slipped down her cheeks, the pain too much to bear, watching her mother drift away again, hearing her earnestly say the pet name she'd secretly loved hearing as a child. It still reminded her of happier times, and only made her want such memories for the both of them in the future.

"Come on, just stay with us, Matriarch." Shepard spoke, though Liara could see her mother's eyes turning darker, colder, and she choked back a sob when her mother's body wreathed itself in blue.

Shepard didn't react fast enough before her mother's biotic nova propelled her into the air, letting the Matriarch stand. Shepard landed roughly, but charged back into her, Wrex, Ashley and Garrus focusing fire on her mother's barriers as she sent a powerful warp out at Shiala, who just managed to block it.

As Liara was readying a biotic throw, she saw her mother's barrier flicker after a shotgun blast from Wrex; Shepard's arm rose up quickly, signaling them to hold fire as she landed a wild punch to her mother's face, sending the asari staggering until a ferocious kick to her midsection toppled her over back onto the cold, hard ground. She winced at the strikes the commander laid into her mother, and closed her eyes as Shepard reeled back for a more powerful punch. The sound of the impact nearly made her vomit.

Her eyes opened soon enough to see Shepard topple over from exhaustion beside Benezia, the woman breathing heavily and blood seeping out of her mouth. Her mother seemed unconscious beside her, and Liara rushed to their sides immediately.

"Take the Matriarch to the shuttle platform." Shepard said, spitting out a large amount of blood directly afterward. "Wrex, go with her. Through those doors." She finished, pointing to doors on the far side of the room.

Liara, already in the process of using her medi-gel to patch her mother up, quickly finished the wound she was working on in time for Wrex to finally relent, after some grumbling and growling, and probably some words she hadn't spent the attention to listen to since the order. Using her biotics, she slowly lifted her mother into the air, Wrex easing the load with his own. They quickly moved through the room, Liara noticing her companion's eyes never leaving the rachni queen's form until the doors to the room shut behind them.

Soon, they were outside, rushing toward the shuttle on the platform, recognizing one of the Normandy's co-pilots waiting inside for them with the stasis pod they'd obtained from the Ylentek firm. After the pilot had opened the pod, Liara and Wrex gently lowered her into it, Liara patching up one final wound to stop the profuse bleeding before closing and activating it.

 _It will be some time before we know if we succeeded, but…but at least there is a chance._ She thought, hopeful that her mother would live, despite her grievous injuries; thankful that Tevos had convinced Ylentek to release the pod to their custody. _I can hardly believe Shepard managed to sway them with her reasoning. Yet…I suppose the prospect of Thessian hospitals and clinics using their technology on colony worlds was likely enticing for them…many don't have such technology available, and it could help in bringing injured asari safely to Thessia for treatment. Much like we are doing by returning her to the Citadel…Goddess, I hope she will be alright…_

Liara sat back in the shuttle's row of seating, and began silently reciting a prayer to Athame that her mother had taught her when Tevos' bondmate was sick, over half a lifetime ago. She had a feeling her mother would need it.


	32. What Do You Come Home To?

"Excitedly, five minutes until we dock, Commander." Joker spoke over the comms in Shepard's room. "With exaggerated intensity, we'll have thirty minutes in the elcor docking bay before we need to high-tail it out of there."

Shepard shook her head and let out a sigh. Ever since she'd told Joker the plan about unloading Benezia's pod secretly on the elcor's docking bay, the pilot had been speaking exclusively to her like elcor. It was both amusing and aggravating, if she was to be truthful.

"Everything's ready, the escort party will be waiting at the dock when we arrive." Shepard noted, moving gingerly over to her personal storage, pulling out a fresh set of clothes. They'd arrive during the night cycle, and Shepard had been up for a number of hours already, resting her healing body after the plethora of injuries she'd sustained. A slipped disc, a bone bruise in her right shoulder, which was also fractured, two broken ribs, a minor fracture in her left hand, a sprained right wrist, and moderate bruising across her back and sides. She was thankful that Chakwas was entertaining her wishes by treating her in her own room, she couldn't stomach entering the med-bay.

"With barely concealed glee, looking forward to it, and getting shore leave, Commander." The pilot added, before Shepard cut off her room's comms for the night. In truth, she wasn't sure how long shore leave would be, but she knew the crew needed some decent time to recuperate after the missions and all the wear and tear that had accumulated. With no major leads on either Saren or Cerberus, she let shore leave be indefinite, until she stated otherwise, or something came up.

She quickly shed her clothes and stepped into the shower, deciding to enjoy a longer one than normal, now that they had a direct resource supply from the Citadel in the future. Her injuries had mended fairly quickly in the two and a half days since Noveria, with thanks to both rest and some of the medical tech her doctor was so insistent on utilizing. Her body still ached, still hurt, and the bruises were still there, but it was much better than how broken her body felt after Noveria. _I swear…never, ever will I fight a powerful matriarch again. Not unless I have an M-920 Cain. Wish I'd been able to work my way up with an acolyte before jumping into the deep against Liara's mom like that…_

Her guilt flared up as the water jets sprayed over her tan and purple body, remembering Liara's look of horror and pain as she battered her mother. It was the first time Shepard had ever knowingly laid her hands on a family member of a friend, and it was doing a number on her. She couldn't shake the tremendous weight on her shoulders, knowing that if the Matriarch died in surgery, if she wasn't cured of indoctrination, that Liara's last memories of her mother would be of her getting pummeled viscerally by a close friend. _Heck…I wouldn't blame her for stepping away from contact with me over it…I don't regret what I did but…I know it hurt her. And I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if I even CAN fix it._ She thought, taking some pleasure from the pain she felt as she moved her right shoulder, lathering herself with her shower gel. It felt right to hurt, after obtaining the outcome she did. It only felt fair.

It was only when she stepped out of the warm shower that she heard the persistent buzzing of her door. She'd locked it hours ago, and was reluctant to answer, but with the hour so late, she assumed it was of importance. Shepard quickly toweled herself dry, tossed on her tank top and sweats, and moved over to the door, opening the comm channel.

"Yes?" she asked, simply, half wishing she'd just went to bed and ignored whoever it was at the door.

"Commander, I need to speak with you." She heard her resident doctor speak, more than a tinge of frustration in her voice. _How long has she been at the door? The shower was…well, seems I took twenty minutes. I hope I didn't leave her waiting long…_

Shepard unlocked her door and opened it, stepping aside as Chakwas stormed in with a case of supplies, which was quickly emptied onto the table.

"The asari councilor arranges to meet you at the dock, to pick up that medical pod, and you don't even show up? Do you know how foolish you are?" Chakwas spoke, her eyes darting between supplies, selecting a needle and filling it with a serum.

"I talked to her beforehand, and told her Liara would be there to greet her. I didn't want to intrude." Shepard responded offhandedly, moving over to her bed and sitting on its edge. "What's this about? You checked me over eight hours ago."

"And eight hours ago, you refused the treatment that would increase the healing of your fractures and sprains by a minimum of forty percent." Chakwas noted with great annoyance, Shepard rolling her eyes at the assertion. It was the one treatment she hadn't accepted, and Chakwas had been on her ass about it since they boarded. "Don't you roll your eyes at me, if there's trouble on shore leave, your body could be too damaged to react as you'd need."

Shepard let out a long sigh and let herself fall backward onto her bed. "Doc, what's wrong with healing the old fashioned way?"

"It's long and painful, and inefficient considering your current line of work. Would you like me to make a list? I can make a list." Chakwas snarked back, moving over to Shepard's bedside with the needle. "Whatever happened to that whole 'my body is my temple' spiel you gave me when you first came aboard the Normandy?"

"Maybe this temple needs to take a little longer to repair, to remember…beh, nevermind." She said, stopping her train of thought and giving up on the sentence. It was a little too late for that, though, given the suddenly stern look on the doctor's face.

"What are you prattling on about this time?" Chakwas asked, crossing her arms and giving her the 'look' famous for coercing the crew into their semi-annual physicals. She'd even seen Heather do a remarkable job in recreating it once, for kicks.

Shepard knew she wasn't getting out of this one, and frankly, she was tired of being cooped up in her room, away from her crew, with no one to speak to. She hadn't spoken to anyone since Noveria aside from Chakwas, Joker and Tevos, and it was starting to get a little hard on her.

"Is it so wrong to want to feel some tangible pain for how Noveria went down?" she asked quietly, letting her head sink into her pillow. "It didn't turn out right. I don't want to get away scot-free like I didn't mess things up, because I did."

"It IS wrong, young lady. You tried your best, did what you could. That's what's important." The doctor said firmly, though not unkindly. Shepard turned over onto her side, facing the gray-haired woman.

"I tried my best, but I wasn't my best, and maybe…maybe my best's just not good enough sometimes." She spoke, feeling the back of her throat swell up as her tear ducts began firing up. "How do I explain that to people when my own failures tear their families apart?"

Chakwas placed the needle by the holo-piano and took a seat in the nearby chair, moving it closer to the side of the bed. "No one will blame you when the odds are so stacked against you, Shepard. Yes, there have been casualties…a terrible amount of casualties, but lives have been saved, and surely families as well." The doctor said soothingly, the previous frustration and stern expression long gone, replaced with a softer, kinder one. The sudden realization of how she thought of the woman brought a cold, hard laugh from her throat.

"The scariest thing…the scariest thing is that if it wasn't for Saren, I wouldn't have met any of you, I wouldn't have become friends with any of you." She choked out, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "In a way, I can't help but feel goddamn thankful, and that just makes me sick, because it boils down to me getting new friends, a new family, for the low, low cost of tens of thousands of lives. Fuck." She finished feebly slamming a fist against her mattress, taking enough care to not worsen her sprain.

"It's not wrong to make the best of the worst situations. Just because Saren's done terrible things, doesn't mean you can't be happy until he's caught. With this team…this family, here on the Normandy…you'll stop Saren, and save exponentially more lives by how things sound." Chakwas noted, wiping another stream from Shepard's face, the commander trying her best not to let the levee break. "The deaths on Eden Prime weren't because you grew close to all of us here, but because Saren and the geth were monstrous. Please, don't lay any more guilt on yourself than you deserve, Shepard. You're a good girl. A potentially wonderful one, if you'd let yourself heal properly." The doctor stated, the last sentence coming after a brief delay, with a little more playfulness to lighten the mood slightly.

Shepard shrugged, suppressing a smile. The doctor's words were rational, logical, but her emotions couldn't help but deny them. She felt horrible, despite the truth Chakwas was spouting, and that emotional pain was real, and persistent. "I understand what you're saying, doc, but I can't help but feel guilty, even though you have a point. I guess I can feel fortunate for what I've gained and not burden myself with the deaths of those on Eden Prime. It's just…I feel terrible for what might have been lost on Noveria. I don't know how to move past it."

"Give yourself time…it'll heal those wounds. For now, just let me heal your body, so you can focus on the healing that's important." Chakwas requested softly, earning a slow nod from Shepard. Soon, a prick of a needle and the cool rush of the medication invaded her senses, but neither lasted long. She felt the doctor cover her with a blanket, and she played along, closing her eyes and pretending to rest, but she knew she wouldn't sleep that night, just like the previous ones. When the door slid shut, she opened her eyes to the darkness of her room and felt alone, drifting away from the hope she'd built. Shepard clutched the blanket and wrapped it tightly around herself, hoping desperately that Liara's mother would recover. The thought of losing Liara was too crushing to even consider, though it remained in the periphery of her mind, constantly threatening to push forward.

She needed a reprieve. She needed to go home.

* * *

Councilor Tevos stood silent in front of her room's holo-terminal, patiently waiting for the call. It had been an hour since she'd taken possession of the pod, and was pleased that Liara had decided to accompany it to one of her more private apartments. A councilor always needed to be prepared, she figured, especially one for the asari peoples.

Yet, it was difficult for her to wrap her mind around the current situation. The mission to bring Benezia back was one given on the basis of hope alone, nothing more. Still, it had somehow been accomplished, and she knew it was time to tie up some loose ends and proceed with the interim plans she'd made. Life would be busy for the next few years, she knew.

Her holo-terminal blinked orange, signaling a transmission was connected; quickly she activated it, and stood within the small circle for the projector.

"Matriarch Vinaya, Matriarch Delene, I apologize for communicating on such short notice…however, I have news." Tevos spoke calmly, shifting her gaze clearly between her two peers. The third, Matriarch T'Lhona, was ill and would soon pass on, she imagined. The elder was a few decades past a millennia, and had been having health troubles for nearly a century.

"Has Benezia been found? Has she succeeded?" Delene asked, her posture betraying her nervousness, despite the serenity of her voice.

"An agent of mine made contact with Benezia just days ago." Tevos spoke, intently gauging the responses of the pair of elders. As suspected Vinaya wilted slightly, the tiniest digit on her right hand quivering ever so slightly, a tell that had taken Tevos two centuries to recognize. One she wished she had known long before. "She is still active."

"What?!" Vinaya asked abruptly, quickly scrambling to make up for her outburst. "After nearly a decade without direct contact, she is still with us? Has she returned? Surely, given the information available to us, she has failed…has she not?"

Tevos shook her head slowly, taking a moment to enjoy the reaction. The notion of Benezia not being lost was her own dagger to the heart of Vinaya. The matriarch had plotted behind their backs and had, since Benezia's leave, worked herself into a place of power where, should Benezia lose her place in Thessia for any reason, Vinaya would absorb her vast assets; even if just temporarily, until Liara came of an age respectable enough to take leadership of the house. Much had changed in the past two decades that Tevos had been too weak to prevent. _It's nice to have the power again…_

"She has changed the priority of her cause, Matriarchs. The attempt to sway Saren toward a path of light has failed long ago. Now…now she is attempting to destroy him. She has greatly aided my agent in this endeavour." Tevos continued, taking great satisfaction at the opportunity.

When information about Saren had come to her attention long ago, she had arranged a meeting with a few powerful, influential asari, hoping to find a solution to the budding problem Saren was posing. After much debate, Benezia had been chosen, as the most popular and well-known asari leader, to bring the turian Spectre away from the path of destruction on which he was headed. It was not an uncommon event, such meetings had taken place hundreds of times across the years, allowing them to re-direct troublesome figures along better paths. That Benezia was chosen was no surprise, she was quite effective in the past in such tasks. What was a surprise is how the other matriarchs, Vinaya and T'Lhona, had schemed to take her house's power after a few years without reports. _And I had brought them in to help, trusted them…so I am responsible for ensuring the stability of Benezia's house, and upholding her reputation. They will not get what they want under my watch…_

"Destroy Saren? Isn't it long past that point in time? Are you certain it is not a ruse?" Delene asked, which Tevos was pleased with, as it allowed her to elaborate.

"Liara was there and assessed the situation clearly. Her mother is working her way into Saren's inner circle, which is difficult, and a long process which she has been committed to for some time. There is also the fact that Saren has managed to turn the acolytes Benezia had brought with her against her, somehow." Tevos explained, drawing a gasp of disbelief from Delene. "It has been very difficult for her, she has endured much through this effort, but she is attempting to see it through, hoping that if my agent applies enough pressure on the turian, that he will look to her for guidance, allowing her an opportunity."

Delene seemed shaken by the news, her hands clearly shaking under duress. "Benezia is well respected, loved…her acolytes are as loyal as any I have known. How have they abandoned her?"

Tevos gave a sad frown, dipping her head, recalling Shepard's report on the effects of indoctrination, and the experiments on Noveria. She knew what she would say was a twisted, more digestible form of the truth, weaved within a false narrative. It served her purposes. "Saren Arterius has spent years funding scientific research, and has allied himself with some foul-minded human extremists. Together, they have managed to create a method to torture and mentally condition individuals, which they have implemented into Saren's massive dreadnought. Benezia was strong enough to resist it, which is why she hasn't been brought in closer to Saren, though all of the acolytes aside from Shiala T'Rohna broke. Shiala was discarded and found on Feros by my agent, in a near-death state. I feel it is a good sign that Benezia has not been given such treatment."

"Goddess…" Vinaya spoke, covering her mouth in shock. "It is…difficult to believe….horrific if true."

"We must all sacrifice for Thessia, Matriarch Vinaya. Benezia sees Saren as a threat to not just the asari republics, but to the entire galaxy. She remains steadfastly loyal to the cause." Tevos added with a small smile. "It may still be unknown what Saren's goal is, but I feel that Benezia and my agent are growing closer to putting Saren in a vulnerable position and ending his campaign. I am certain we all yearn to have the Matriarch back." She finished, hoping beyond hope that Shepard would soon find Saren and end the tyrant.

"May Athame guide her." Both matriarchs spoke quietly.

"Thank you both for meeting with me, I am pleased to have helped bring more light to the current situation. However, I must retire now." Tevos spoke, bowing formally to her peers. "Have a pleasant evening, matriarchs."

As the transmission ended, a smile curled at her lips. The first step was complete; strip Vinaya's confidence of her takeover attempt, enough to make her actions more visible, her decisions more rash. Without the elder T'Lhona to guide her, Vinaya's impatience would show through, she knew.

It was the next step that worried her _. I must find a way to reverse this indoctrination. If I am to restore Benezia to her proper place in this galaxy, that must be done._ She thought, sitting down on a nearby couch. She knew the asari people were committed to Benezia; that must was easily seen in how highly she was regarded across all republics and colonies. Tevos, though, felt a much more personal debt.

Benezia, despite being the younger of the two, had used her personal networks to connect Tevos politically, and eventually helped put her into the Councilor's seat. It had long been her aspiration to help her people negotiate and adapt to the other species in the galaxy, and she had Benezia T'Soni to thank for that. When her only daughter had died during an assassination attempt on her own life, Benezia had been there to console her, to help guide her past the tragedy. When her bondmate passed on, Benezia was there again, healing her spirit.

There was no limit to Tevos' devotion to the Matriarch, and she refused to let anything prevent Benezia from living out her own aspirations, as she had allowed Tevos to. She refused to let Liara grow up without her mother, for Benezia to be separated from her daughter. They would all be reunited in the future, and she knew she would go to any lengths to make that happen.

 _Benezia will be made whole._ She mused to herself, taking a sip of the now cool cup of tea. _For there is a great darkness coming, and we will need her to lead us through it._

* * *

Ashley was terribly excited for shore leave. She still wasn't sure what she had planned, but she knew that any amount of time spent relaxing would be good for her soul, after trudging through Feros, Binthu, Noveria and everything. She needed to wind down, let her troubles float away. _Maybe dancing…dancing could be fun…_

In the meantime, until she came to a decision, she continued to stroll through Zakera ward with Shepard and Garrus. She was surprised that the commander had finally left her den, never having seen her since Noveria, but the woman seemed to be in slightly better spirits during their trip than after the mission. _Not sure I've ever seen someone look so defeated as she did then…wonder what's gotten into her?_

"So where is this shop again, Garrus? I feel like you've led us in circles around this place." Shepard asked with a light chuckle.

"It's just a few blocks ahead of here. Not my fault it's at the far tip of the ward." The turian noted with an exasperated sigh. Shepard had been hounding Garrus over his sense of direction through the entire trip, and Ashley couldn't blame her.

Shepard grabbed a hold of Garrus, giving him a disbelieving look. "So you're telling me we could have taken any of the dozens of rapid transit vehicles instead of spending an hour walking there?"

As Garrus let out a laugh, one Ashley felt he would end up paying for later, Shepard's expression only turned more severe. "Come on, Shepard, since when are you afraid of a little exercise?"

"It's not that, it's…" she heard Shepard start, before the woman's head turned toward a mob ahead and to the left, all crammed into a plaza. "What the hell."

Ashley peeked her head past Garrus and studied the large group, many carrying signs as a man stood on a podium, speaking passionately about something she couldn't quite make out.

As they neared the plaza, a young human woman quickly approached them, excitedly, and handed Shepard a pamphlet, then Ashley as well. It took only a brief moment to realize why one wasn't handed to the turian they were with. "You're with Terra Firma?" she asked the girl, who nodded quickly before rushing off toward the podium.

They didn't make it halfway through the plaza before an amplified voice called out for them. "Commander Shepard, everyone! The hero of Eden Prime!" a man spoke loudly, emerging through the crowd and blocking their way, bringing the trio to a halt. "Commander Shepard, it would be an honour to speak with you."

Ashley looked to Shepard who seemed to be giving her best neutral expression, though she figured the woman was more than a little annoyed underneath it all. As the man outstretched his hand, she saw she woman's gaze snap far into the crowd, pretending to not have noticed the gesture.

"What's this demonstration about?" she heard Shepard ask, though at this range, it was patently obvious. _Can't help but wonder how she'll handle this…_

"I'm Charles Saracino of the Terra Firma party. With Armistice Day coming soon, we're making our voices heard by the…alien appeasers on the presidium. Can I count on your support in the next election?" Saracino asked, leaning in a little, once more grabbing Shepard's attention.

"Wait, you're marking the end of the first contact war with a protest?" she asked, sounding a little skeptical.

"As we have every year for the past twenty six years." Saracino added quickly, not giving Shepard a chance to continue her thought. "The war taught humanity a lesson that some would forget. If we don't stand up for ourselves, no one else will."

Shepard shifted her balance at her hip, crossing her arms, seeming to do her best Chakwas impression. "And here I thought the lesson learned from that war was that other life existed, and they have opinions too, even if there are miscommunications." The woman noted, offering the man a sidelong glance as she observed the crowd again.

"Perhaps, but if they can express their opinions at gunpoint, why shouldn't we?" Saracino asked, which was too absurd for Ashley to keep silent on.

"Because they're not looking for a reason to, but you are. I hate how the first contact war went down as much as any human, but they did what they did….even if it was rash…to try and keep the galaxy safe from a potential rachni invasion. History's shown activating dark relays can be pretty dangerous. What danger are the council races putting us in? We should bear arms, but only ever when necessary." Ashley ranted, her eyes shooting daggers at Saracino. She'd always been pro-human, but never had she fallen for the blatant xenophobia of Terra Firma. _I don't hate aliens, I even trust them…mostly…but these people? Ugh…_

Saracino looked perturbed as he shifted his focus to her. "We have a backlog of several grievances that the aliens have ignored, starting with Shanxi…" Saracino began, but once again, Ashley found her words spiraling out of her throat as she tried desperately to contain her frustration.

"Were you at Shanxi? No? If not, shut your pie-hole!" Ashley growled, almost hoping to bait the man into an argument.

"Pie-hole, chief?" Garrus asked with a chuckle. "You're normally more vulgar than that."

"Just trying to keep my cool, Vakarian. I can't stand when people talk about things they know nothing about." She noted to him, as Saracino turned his focus back to Shepard.

"Commander, I'm running for one of the five spacer seats in parliament. However, due to some…" Saracino stated, but Shepard's upheld hand halted his speech.

Shepard took a glance back at her, a sly grin curling at her lips. "Can't make a proper decision without knowing your platform, now, can I?"

"Oh! Well, Terra Firma's core value is that Earth must stand firm against alien influences…politically, culturally, and in the worst cases, militarily." The party leader stated confidently. While Ashley didn't agree to that extent, she did feel that there was some value in such a goal. _Though influences from other species aren't always so bad…if not for the turians, the Normandy wouldn't exist…and I think we could all learn a little from the quarians about making the best of a bad situation, adaptability, and working to have everyone try and improve humanity's progress in their own way. And as much as she can be annoying, Liara has a patience I can't even begin to grasp…I think our politicians could make use of that, always making snap judgments to try and win the next election instead of doing the right thing and putting things in motion to better humanity…we're better with them than without them…and it's funny, I don't think I'd ever have thought that before this mission…_

"I'm looking at some of the signs here, and hearing some of the slurs tossed at my turian peer, and I can't help but wonder how many of your supporters are…xenophobes." Shepard noted casually, patting an exasperated looking Garrus on the shoulder.

"I can't deny that some of our supporters have extreme views, but our platform is also supported by economists, sociologists, and medical professionals." Saracino said, looking a little flustered by the woman's comments.

"But many of your members have made this a point of race, not politics." Garrus noted, earning more than a few jeers from the crowd, and not even a reaction from Saracino.

With Garrus being seemingly ignored, Ashley took a step forward. "But you don't do anything to correct the xenophobic comments that have propped up here." She stated firmly, annoyed that his gaze didn't shift from Shepard.

"Of course not. Whether I disagree with them or not, they have freedom of speech, the right to express their opinion." the party leader explained, and though Ashley was ready to comment again, Shepard stepped before she could.

"Look, that's one of the big problems here. We're on a galactic stage, dealing with equals. Respect…respect is given and taken, but responsibility is earned. If you're not responsible for the message your party and your members are sending, then you couldn't be responsible enough to have a seat in parliament. Besides, this galaxy works better when we all make use of each other's strengths, acknowledge and accept our differences." Shepard ranted, gesturing to the crowd. "Do you think we'd be better off alone? Look at the damn batarians. Look at how the quarians are treated. Face it, we're not in charge of this galaxy, but I'd really like it if we had a hand in helping lead it. We have to earn that, and we do it through peaceful cooperation. We do it by showcasing our ingenuity, our ambition, our main strength as a people…our diversity. We already have a template for showing our worth to the galactic community, we already have proof that working together is better than needlessly segregating ourselves with hostility and some imagined moral high ground. The other species in the galaxy could learn a lot from us…but I can tell you that personally, I've learned a hell of a lot from them too, and I'm not about to throw them under the proverbial bus, nor am I willing to even entertain the vile outbursts I've heard in this crowd about my friend simply because he's a turian…a damn good turian, and a damn good person. Have a good day."

With that Shepard casually led them through the mostly aggravated crowd, taunting her with references to Torfan, verbally abusing Garrus with standard-fare anti-turian slurs. Soon, they reached the other side of the plaza, Ashley noticing the shop they were looking for off in the distance.

"Well, that could have gone better, Commander. And don't worry about the remarks, I heard much worse when I was on duty." Garrus said with a laugh.

"True. Funny to see them cozying up to me, until they realized they weren't getting anything from me. Goes to show how pitiful they are. As if Earth means anything to me. Come on, they can at least do a background check on me before asking shit like that." Shepard said, shaking her head. "Christ, I can't wait to get away from here."

Ashley cocked her head to the side, wondering what her commanding officer was on about. Last she heard, they were empty handed on leads, nothing on either Saren or Cerberus. "Where you going?" she asked simply, grabbing the woman's attention and a relieved looking smile, as Shepard bit her lip.

"I…think I want to take a few days and go home. Nothing concrete yet, but…I'd enjoy the company, if you want to come along." Shepard noted shyly. She wasn't sure why the woman reacted that way, but the idea seemed fantastic to her. She hadn't seen her family in over nine months. _I can go home? See Sarah? Abby? Lynn? Mom?_

Excitedly, she patted Shepard's back, wincing as the woman let out a pained groan from the damage she'd taken on the mission. "I can't wait! When do we leave?"

"Well, uh…later today? A shuttle's departing for Amaterasu with a minor shipment of supplies. I know the captain, he's got some rooms available on board." Shepard added, turning to Garrus. "You can come too, if you want."

The turian shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, the expression dampening Ashley's excitement a little. "Sorry, Shepard, but I got a message from one of my sources about C-Sec overworking their traffic controllers, meaning a bunch of unscheduled, unverified ships are coming in and out of the Citadel. If one of them has been Saleon's ship…"

"You let me know if you find a trace. We'll track him down, I promise." Shepard responded with a more serious expression as the turian's mandibles wavered in acceptance.

"Thanks, Shepard. Anyway, we're here." Garrus noted, stopping in front of the shop. "What are you planning on getting, anyway?"

Shepard gave a nervous look at the storefront's displayed goods and gave a small shrug. "I, uh…promised Tali some sterilized dextro chocolate for checking out that security post before the tram station." The woman said quietly, looking over the menu. "Wow, there's…surprisingly a lot of options here. I might just have to get a bunch."

Ashley peeked over the woman's shoulder and looked at the prices, her eyes widening at the sight. "Uh, skipper…not sure our Empress of Engines would react well to someone spending so much money on her."

"Come on Ash, it's not like she has someone to spoil her all the time or anything. I think just this once, it'll be alright." Shepard noted softly, tapping away her order on the terminal.

 _Hrm…I AM going home…and I haven't seen them in a while…_ Ashley mused to herself, checking the map of the ward on her omni-tool. _Maybe I should do a little shopping before I leave, too…_

* * *

Liara sat back in the comfortable chair overlooking the presidium's morning sky cycle, enjoying the serene view. She'd always loved sitting out on the balcony in the morning; while it wasn't Thessia, it was close enough sometimes to fill her with that warm, nostalgic sensation. She was pleased to have had time to herself since returning from the Normandy; dealing with the gossip of Tevos' mostly maiden servants was enough to nearly drive her mad, and the amount of vague answers she'd had to give about Commander Shepard's availability was staggering. She just wanted time to think.

She knew she was supposed to be happy. She should have been ecstatic, if she was being honest with herself, but she just felt numb. Before, she knew so little of the situation that merely finding her mother was a goal, and an attainable one at that. Bringing her back seemed like a solid assumption, even trivial to bring up, yet it had been nothing of the sort. _And now I sit here, knowing my mother is trapped within her own mind, as she has been for some time now, and I have no certain way of bringing her back…it seems like such an empty victory._

She took a sip of Jihliq, not caring that it was certainly more than a little early for such a beverage. _And what of my future? My mother needs me…how can I abandon her in her time of need? But…I also don't know how to help free her from Saren's grasp…surely there must be a way, but…how?_

"You look troubled, child." She heard from the doorway, Tevos uncharacteristically underdressed in a simple robe. "I would have imagined you would be smiling ear to ear to have your mother back."

"She is not, though. Not yet." Liara murmured, taking a small sip and giving her aunt a more suspicious glance. "I would have thought you would be in the council chambers by now."

Tevos took a seat in the chair adjacent to hers, setting her own cup of tea on the same table between them. "Sparatus has been called off to Palaven to deal with an inter-colony trade fiasco of some sort. Councilor Valern has taken the opportunity to meet with the Dalatrass for a Salarian holiday for the coming week." Tevos spoke tiredly, a hint of a smile forming as she took in the beautiful view over the presidium. "I was considering returning to Thessia for a few days, to attend the Janiris festival in Armali, however, with recent developments, I'm not sure I can spare the time."

"I also am not certain whether I can take time off to celebrate." Liara openly mused; she loved Janiris, it reminded her of happier times. She wanted more of those for the future, and she was sure that putting off a few festivals in order to gain a few hundred would be worth the cost.

Liara felt Tevos hand move atop her own, bringing her gaze to meet her aunt's. "Liara…you are young. These are the years you should be making time for it. Has Shepard not placed you on shore leave?" her aunt asked kindly.

"Yes, but…mother needs me right now, and…" Liara began, words spilling out before she felt her aunt's presence in the periphery of her mind. Liara reluctantly let her in, keeping her emotions open as she normally would to her aunt, Shiala, Nesiiri, her mother.

 _Liara, you are dear to me, so I feel it is important to let you know something vital._ She heard within her mind, her aunt sending each word, each thought with a warm, gentle touch of love.

 _Elyse…_ she let the thought bloom with acceptance, her mind open to receive what would be given.

 _Liara, there is little you can do for your mother at this point._ She heard in response, and immediately, her frustration and fear rose, only to be eased by her aunt's confidence and acceptance. _You are incredibly intelligent, Little Wing, and one day you will have a part to play in your mother's recovery, but today is not one of them. Today is for the neurobiologists who will be scanning your mother's brain, and comparing to her previous medical history. Today is for those studying the thorian and how it managed to free Shiala. It is not your day, child._

Liara frowned and slowly severed the mental link, taking a longer sip of her drink. "Am I supposed to sit here and watch her be tested on then? To stand in the sidelines, helpless?" she asked, wanting, needing to be able to help with her mother's recovery.

"No." her aunt answered, remaining frustratingly silent for a number of seconds as she drank the last of her tea. "You must ensure that there is a future for your mother to exist in. You need to find and capture Saren, or at worst, destroy him. Perhaps that will free your mother. But you have no role here at the moment, as much as it pains me to admit."

The thought of leaving her mother was crushing, but she knew Tevos was right. Saren still had to be found and stopped. She still had important work to be done.

As she was about to speak, her omni began beeping away along to a curious melody. She reminded herself to have Tali change it, as she was sure someone had changed it as a prank. Opening her menu, she noticed it was a live call from Heather, of all people, and activated it.

"Heather? Is everything alright?" she asked, curious as to why the woman would contact her. She had a hard time imagining the comm specialist hadn't gone out dancing and drinking the prior night. _Of course, she'd tried to get me to go along with her, said Shepard would go out dancing if I went too, but…I hope my absence didn't toss a wrench at work, as they say._

"Everything's fantastic, Liara! Your morning going well, I hope?" the woman asked, sounding a little more excited than usual.

"My morning has been pleasant, thank you. Is…there a specific reason for this call?" she asked, turning to look at Tevos, who simply seemed amused. "I am a little busy, I'm afraid."

A snorting laugh sounded from her omni, which only confused Liara more. "Are you busy later? Or, more accurately, for the next few days? Shepard's arranged for a transport back home this evening, and I figured we could all use some rest and relaxation…maybe another vid night…"

Liara sat back in her chair, a little stunned at the revelation. Shepard hadn't left her quarters since returning to the Normandy on Noveria, and the door to her room had been uncharacteristically locked, with no answer to her requests. _To be able to see her home…how she lives away from the ship and the military…to maybe see how she is with these troubles behind her…and the thought of having a second opportunity with another vid night is intriguing…_

"I…Heather, I'm not sure what to say." She sputtered out, Tevos giving her hand a squeeze before bringing it back to her own lap.

"Say you'll be in docking bay D26 with whatever you need by fifteen hundred hours!" Heather responded gleefully, the smile audible in her voice. "Ashley and Tali will be coming with us too! Come on, it'll be fun."

Liara froze from indecision. Her heart wanted to be in two places at once, both with her mother, and with Shepard. She didn't know what to do.

As if reading her mind, Tevos leaned close, her voice a quiet whisper. "Your mother will always be in your heart, and you in hers. She will be with you wherever you go, just as she will be here when you return. Shiala will keep watch, I promise." Her aunt added with a kind smile. "Now teach these people some culture, will you?" Tevos finished playfully, returning herself to her seat.

Liara nodded, feeling a little guilty, but also excited at a certain possibility her aunt alluded to. "I will be there. Thank you, Heather."

"Thank YOU, Doctor T'Soni."

* * *

Tali was amazed at the encryption the small transport's rooms had been provided in their security suites. As her talons tapped away at her omni-tool, breaking through the system's defenses layer by layer, she couldn't help but be impressed. It wasn't the best she'd encountered by any stretch, but it was about as strong as Kal'Reegar's weapons locker, and that was incredibly surprising, given the unassuming nature of the ship. _Must be involved in smuggling supplies, or bringing diplomats places. Or maybe it's targeted by pirates a lot. I hope not…_

The trip was supposed to take one day, just over twenty hours by citadel time-keeping standards, but it had been a fairly awkward trip for the most part. They were only a few hours out from landing on Amaterasu, and Shepard had once again locked herself in a tiny room and remained there. Spending time with Heather, Ashley and Liara was great, but eventually it was clear that everyone was worried, and Tali took the initiative to find out what was wrong.

Her omni-tool let out a short chirp as the door panel went green, letting Tali tentatively open the door. The rooms weren't all that large. In truth, they were more like tiny bunks, which seemed accurate, as they were stacked; the ceilings were too low to stand, the bed was as long as the room and about a quarter of the width, and there was a tiny table and booth-seating on the other side of the room to eat in. Apparently, the Captain's quarters were much larger and much nicer, and the bunks were still bigger than most of the places Tali called home on the Rayya, but it was still somewhat small by ship standards.

"Shepard? Can I come in?" she asked nervously into the darkness, her visor helping her vision adjust rapidly. She spied Shepard sitting up on her bed, her arms having pulled her knees close enough to rest her chin upon.

The woman gave a small smile, closing her eyes as she scooted backward, giving Tali room to sit. "I guess, yeah."

Tali slowly moved to the bed and sat down beside the older woman, her shoulders lightly meeting the human's. It wasn't often Tali had seen her looking so remorseful; only after the incident on Edolus, really. She knew it had been an ongoing challenge for Shepard to stay positive, to keep doing her rounds and reassuring everyone. She hadn't spent a childhood on the flotilla without being able to recognize the finer nuances of body language; the hint of exhaustion, the brief hitches in breathing, the barely perceptible flashes of worry. Tali had made a few attempts in the past to help, as she didn't like seeing the commander hurting. Often, though, she found that just letting Shepard step away from her troubles through engaging in small talk about quarian culture, her life aboard the Rayya, her hobbies and interests, and her experiments in engineering allowed the woman a reprieve.

So it was with a heavy heart that she knew that route couldn't be taken, and the guilt in the woman's eyes was enough to let her know that Shepard both did and didn't want her there, and it was a conflict she'd have to work through. She just hoped it wouldn't be terribly difficult.

"I've missed you." Tali noted softly, keeping her focus on the opposite wall, instead of Shepard. "The others have too, really, but…and they're nice too, it's just…I miss you."

She knew that piling on more guilt was a little risky, but she knew she had to be truthful. Shepard would want that, and hopefully it would give her space to weave her way to the real problems troubling her.

"I know. I'm sorry, I've just needed time alone…to think." Shepard answered sadly, her words more a whisper than anything. "Things have just gotten really complicated."

Tali gently used her body to nudge Shepard lightly. "You know, engineers like helping make complex things simple. You can talk to me. I'm not just a fountain of knowledge on quarian culture."

"I know, Tali, please…I know you're more than capable of doing a heck of a lot of things. And god knows I could really use some help getting things straight, it's just…" Shepard hastily rambled, her voice trailing off into nothingness for a few seconds.

"It's just…what?" she asked, finally turning her head to look at her friend's increasingly worried looking face.

Shepard turned her head further away, her face out of Tali's view. "I don't want to burden you. I don't want to put you in that kind of position." The woman noted, more than a little frustration in her tone, despite its softness.

"Why not?" she asked simply, deciding to follow it up with a probing question. She'd always gotten the feeling that Shepard had kept her at arm's reach, and had never really understood why. _I know by now it's not because she doesn't trust me, or anything like that, but…_ "I know I'm young, and a captain is normally above everyone else in quarian culture aside from Admirals, but here on the Normandy, you've treated us like peers. Do you think I'm not…"

Shepard's voice halted her mid sentence, the sheer sadness as she said her name was evident that it was a little more complicated. "Tali…it's just…ugh, it's hard to explain, and kind of embarrassing." Shepard noted sadly, stumbling over her words, her hand deeply knit in her hair as she held her own head. "I don't think any less of you. I could never do that."

Tali shyly reached her arm over and pulled the woman into a gentle hug, a tiny bonk of her helmet sounding through the room as it made contact with the woman's skull. She wished her helmet wasn't so solid.

"I'm patient, Shepard. And I'm here, so please…help me understand." She asked, taking some pride in the following sigh that let her know the woman was finally opening up a little.

"When I first got into this mess of a mission, I was pretty confused… I felt more than a little lost. There were just so many new faces, new responsibilities. It was hard, and my history with going through all of this and being let down in the end just made me more than a little nervous about it all. It wasn't until we found you that I started really feeling like I could do this." Shepard noted quietly, leaning into her embrace. "I'll admit, I saw a lot of my younger self in you, I saw a lot of my sister Mel in you…but I saw a lot more than just that. There you were, venturing alone out here in space, proving yourself to your family back home, braving the galaxy and the misfortune of being tangled up in a galactic conspiracy. When you jumped into all of this, because it was simply the right thing to do…I knew I could count on you, no matter how new to this you were."

Tali just sat there with her arm around Shepard's shoulder, listening, letting the words soak in. "So I decided to learn more about you, so I could help you. And I tried expanding your interests, understanding Chiktikka in exchange for teaching you about the wonder of shotguns." Shepard noted a little more jovially, letting Tali feel comfortable enough to let out a tiny laugh. "And as the days and weeks passed, you became a friend. And more than that, I felt a responsibility to you. I know I say all the time that my crew is my family, but…Tali, you're the closest thing I've had to a little sister in a long time, and I don't want you shouldering burdens or anything like that. I want you happy, healthy, to have chances I didn't, to learn what I couldn't. I know you're sensitive…I like that about you, and I don't want you to hurt just because I am."

Her heart warmed at the words, a weight lifting inside of her, now understanding what had been distancing the woman from her. Tali had wondered for a while why she would at once be treated more kindly, and with more attention than most of the rest of the crew, and often dismissed those events on the premise that Shepard had seemed detached from her in ways she didn't with others. Soon, she found words spilling out of her mouth into her vocalizer. "You know… little sisters just want their big sister to be happy, too. You can't deal with whatever's troubling you alone, and I'm not going away." She added, giving Shepard a bit of a squeeze as the woman nodded slowly, wiping her eyes.

"It's just…Noveria was so hard. There never really seemed to be any right decisions, and I know I screwed up a lot." Shepard noted quietly, letting out another sigh. "I've had to make decisions quickly before but…never on a scale like this."

"I can't say letting the rachni queen go was a good decision, but I stand by you, Shepard. You know that. It was a horrible situation to be put in, no right answer." Tali stated, thinking back to the bizarre event, the queen speaking through a practically dead asari acolyte. It gave her the 'heebie jeebies', as Heather would say, and the nightmare the following night was heavily influenced by it. She'd done an hour long spider check down in engineering before she could go back to sleep.

"Yeah. Genocide, or potentially unleashing another war on the galaxy by setting her free. If we have to deal with the rachni, and then the reapers afterward…I don't even want to think about that. But I couldn't just kill off an entire species. I just…I couldn't. I don't blame the council for what they said, but…it still hurt just the same." Shepard explained, her voice heavy with emotion. "It was bad enough what happened with Benezia, I didn't want that on my shoulders too. Sometimes I worry that one day I'll snap, that I'll reach my limit and just break."

"That's why you have to share all this. We're all here for you. We're all in this together, and we need you to let us in. I won't let this destroy you, Shepard." She said quietly but fervently, earning a squeeze of her own.

"Fat chance of that. I still have yet to work you up to not using stabilizers in your firestorm." The woman noted with a smile, an attempt to cheerfully move away from the topic. Tali wasn't about to bite.

"I'll get there eventually, bosh'tet." She chuckled, bonking her helmet against Shepard's head slightly harder, enough to draw an amused laugh. "But what happened to Benezia seemed…pretty positive. The fight was…really hard, but no one died or was grievously injured."

Shepard was quiet for a long time. How long, she wasn't sure, but at least a minute she figured, by the HUD display's clock function in her visor. She'd heard the Shepard's breath hitch twice, and felt a little helpless, her hug not nearly satisfactory enough to do away with the woman's hurt. Shepard's breathing eventually steadied, and Tali patiently waited for the words that were to come.

"That's…not true. Benezia was grievously injured. By me." Shepard managed to say before having to take another short breather to steady herself. "I brutalized her, Tali, in front of Liara. I saw a close friend's spirit get crushed with every punch and kick I landed. I hurt them both, and I don't know how to deal with that."

"You did what you had to…she was trying to kill us." Tali added, hoping to assuage the woman's worries.

"Only because Saren had control over her. Tali, if someone mauled either of your parents while you watched…how would you feel?" Shepard asked, an edge coming through her voice with the question at the end.

She knew that she would react badly. Her mother, while she was alive, was her light, her favourite person in the world. And her father, though distant, was someone she still loved and respected tremendously. _If either of them were hurt…Ancestors, I'm not sure…but…_

"I guess it would depend on whether they were trying to destroy the galaxy." She stated as confidently as she could, not willing to verbalize the other potential situation.

"It's easy to say that, and I know that in the end, what I did was for the greater good, and it did maybe keep Benezia alive…" Shepard started, taking a moment to collect her thoughts, seemingly. "But there's a chance that Liara's last memory of her mother being conscious is me beating it out of her. I was told to rescue Liara, and I did…I'm so tremendously glad I did. I was also tasked with bringing Benezia back. I'm not sure that bringing back a bloody, wounded, and bruised asari body with an indoctrinated mind was what they asked for. I'm not sure that'll be okay, and I'm scared I might have made an enemy of probably the most powerful person in citadel space. Killing her would have probably been worse, but…this could bring Liara and other asari agony. I never, ever wanted for that to happen. I want to be relieved to have it over with, but I can't bring myself to even think it's over, not with her still indoctrinated, still trapped in her own mind. Still far away from Liara and her family. I promised to try and reunite that family, and…I can honestly say I'm scared that I may have promised the impossible."

Tali, after a second of deliberation, stood up from the bed and pulled Shepard to her feet, embracing her in a snug embrace. "All anyone can ever ask is that you try, Shepard. Knowing that you want to make things better, that you want to help, and are trying…no one will fault you for that. Really, it's why a lot of us on the ship have come to care about you. Please, don't torment yourself because you tried to do something good for someone, and maybe only partially succeeded by your own count." She said softly, putting a little distance between them so she could see the woman's face, smiling and conflicted. "Don't make up other people's minds without finding out how they feel first, Shepard. I know it might surprise you, but you might find yourself with more support than you'd think. I'm here for you, and I know Liara would love to see you."

"I know." Shepard stated simply, scratching at the back of her neck nervously.

"Will you come down to the lobby and watch a vid with us? I hear that Blasto one is kind of alright." She noted hopefully, feeling that the woman's worries weren't completely dissipated, but that she might have the tools and support to handle it now.

"Yeah, I…Yeah. I'll be down in a few." The older woman said with a nervous smile, clearly apprehensive about joining the rest of them, but willing to do so nonetheless. "I promise, just…give me a minute to let all of this soak in, alright?"

Tali jokingly prodded the woman's chest with a talon. "Only so long as you bring that turian chocolate you promised me."

That brought a happy, airy laugh from Shepard that she hadn't heard in weeks, making Tali wish the visor didn't conceal her own smile.

"I'll make sure to bring some of it down, but the rest will have to wait until we get to Amaterasu. I may or may not have spoiled you." Shepard said, turning away toward a large backpack.

Tali took the opportunity, hugging the woman from behind and resting her helmet on Shepard's shoulder, as she'd seen many siblings do on the flotilla as a sign of trust, gratitude, and love. While the whole idea was new to her, she liked it. Shepard had always helped her, had guided her through the past months, and had been someone she aspired to be like, and who she came to care for quite strongly. She felt it wasn't all so different from the familial treatment of ship communities on the flotilla, but which filled a space in her that her father's neglect had left vacant. "Thanks for letting me in, sis." She noted quietly, before detaching herself and moving to the door. The single choked sob of relief that slipped out of Shepard only made her hopes for the coming adventure to Amaterasu even brighter.


	33. Echoes of Mine

Heather smiled as the warm wind blew through her hair. She was happy they had been able to nab a nice, roofless skycar at the port, and so long as the weather forecast held up, it would be a good few days of fun and relaxation. A romantic connection was also on her to-do list, if she had anything to say about it, but she knew it wasn't exactly the best situation for either Shepard or Liara. Both seemed to be hurting, and she worried that they would push away from each other. _Which only means I have more work to do…_

They'd parted with Ashley at the port, who took a separate skycar to her family's residence, only a few kilometers from town, though just in the opposite direction of Shepard's. While she was already excited for some plans she had in mind, she just wanted to get to the house, set up what she needed to, and kick back for a bit with her friends and her favourite quarian.

Springtime in Amaterasu was usually rainy, which meant they both lucked out with the sunny forecast, and it was likely something of a dry spell. Still, the fields looked lush as ever, the imported trees were blooming green leaves, and the native trees had their vibrant purples back, shining in the orange early evening light. As they set down, it was also a relief that Shepard's garden was still in good shape, if a tiny bit unruly; it would be a few hours' work at most to trim everything up to par and make sure everything was growing properly.

More importantly, her eyes spied the packages she'd ordered stacked in front of Shepard's door, ratcheting up her excitement level a few notches. Hurdling out of the car, Heather dashed over to the door, placing her hand over its scanner to unlock it, and immediately began bringing the boxes inside.

As she went to retrieve the fourth box, she noticed her old friend grinning at her from the walkway, perhaps a smidgen confused.

"Should I even ask?" Shepard spoke with amusement, moving to the door and grabbing the last two remaining boxes. Heather simply shook her head, smiling ear to ear. There would be surprises, and she was never one to ruin them early.

She quickly moved the boxes into Shepard's room, which she'd been assigned for the night, and made her way back into the dining room, where the other three were loitering.

"So as you can see, my house isn't terribly big, but living out here in the colonies allows for a little more room than you might get in an apartment on the Citadel." Shepard noted, as Liara carefully inspected the holos lined across a cabinet along the wall, Tali's head darting around everywhere excitedly.

"Shepard, this place is enormous!" Tali exclaimed, her feet moving her around the general area, though it seemed she couldn't make up her mind about where to investigate first. Heather wasn't sure she agreed with Tali's description; it was a comfortable size, but not a large home by most standards.

"It's a pretty nice size. When I got it, I didn't think I'd be here often, just for get-togethers with everyone, so I wanted to make sure it was big enough…but not too big." The woman responded with a smile, gesturing to the open kitchen and island next to the dining room. "I've got an alright kitchen over there where me and Heather will be prepping all the food. You'll probably find me there fairly often."

Liara wandered over to the island, brushing her hand along the countertop. "Will you be doing any baking?" the asari asked hesitantly, earning a laugh from both herself and Shepard.

"If you have any requests, T'Soni, just run them by us." Heather noted, a grin forming at her lips at a recent memory. "And I'm sure I could arrange to make you more chocolate so you don't have to eat Shepard's again."

Heather enjoyed seeing the prothean researcher's cheeks flush purple; she knew she could have some fun at Liara's expense while also treating her. She needed the asari's cooperation, after all, so she couldn't tease her too badly.

"Chocolate sounds fantastic right about now." Shepard mumbled, breaking her momentary daze and gesturing to the living room across the way. "We've got a nice little room over there with some couches and chairs…good for talking, vid-watching, and everything. Since it gets cold at night in this season, feel free to use the fireplace. I made sure to stock up on wood a while back, so we should be good for that."

Heather watched Liara drift over, closer to Shepard, taking a peek into the living area. "Shepard…I…am aware you came from a modest background and…well, I apologize, but I did not expect all of this." The asari spoke kindly as she looked over at one of the comfy looking sofas. Heather had worn it in years ago, and it hadn't been terribly expensive, but it was her favourite place to sleep if she wasn't provided a bed.

"Never really had anything to spend money on. Alliance pays my room and board whenever I'm on a mission, as well as food expenses. When I enlisted, I got this plot of land for free and…well, I've just been pouring money into it ever since. If I can make this place a home away from home, keep everyone comfortable and happy, then it's worth it." She listened to her friend explain.

The house had come a long way. It started off pretty small, with the kitchen, her room, the storage closet that used to be a bathroom, and the living room, expanding outward and off to the side to bring in more room for guests over the years. It had been their pet project; whenever they had a lot of shore leave or vacation, either one of them would head to the house and fix it up, make it better than it started when they got there. Faridah would handle the décor, she would help with the garden, flowers and some of the construction planning, while Amber would keep the yard and trees in good shape, maintain the path to the lake, and do most of the construction work. It was a team effort, along with the odd third party contractor's help, that she was tremendously proud of.

"How many can fit in here?" Liara asked, which seemed to work Tali into something of a frenzy, everyone stopping to watch the quarian race around the building for a few minutes.

"I'm pretty sure that at least twenty quarians could live here very comfortably, easily forty if they were all willing to sleep in less comfortable spaces. " Tali answered confidently and cheerfully, before seeming to realize her error. "Oh…um…well, if you're counting strictly beds and cushioned areas, it seems it could fit…well, one per bed or couch… at least six or seven, depending on the size of the person, and if people use the chairs."

"Speaking of sleeping arrangements, Heather's taking my room, and you two are grabbing the guest bedrooms. I'll take a couch." Shepard noted with a yawn. "And if anyone needs to use the washroom, it's down the hall, first door to the left. There's a terminal in my room if any of you want to make a call or anything, and I'm sure I have some data pads around for if you get bored, or need to look something up."

Liara looked appalled momentarily, giving something of a stern expression to their host. "This is your home, Shepard. I will not force you to live like a guest while you are on vacation." Liara said, hands on her hips.

"Liara… you're not forcing me to. I enjoy a bed every night on the Normandy, while none of you do, even if I've tried to help give you something similar. I want you all to feel at home here, so you get bedrooms tonight. I'll take my favourite couch." Shepard noted with a playful grin, looking a little more at ease around her favourite blue individual.

 _Still, there's clearly some tension that needs to be worked out between them…_ she thought, certain that it would happen sooner than later, but hopefully not so late that it would ruin some of the events she'd arranged.

"And with the quick tour over, I think I'm going to grab some time by the tree, if you don't mind." The commander said cheerfully, her eyes gauging the rest of them for any questions or concerns before she left.

Heather grabbed a nearby quilt and tossed it to Shepard, knowing it would get cold outside pretty quickly since the sun was quickly setting. _And now with her out of the picture,_ _I can start planning…_

It didn't take long until all of her vid-calls and message conversations were all finished, and soon, her little pet project was prepped for assembly, needing a little quarian ingenuity to ensure proper set up when she tackled it the next morning.

The sun set, and her preliminary tasks accomplished, she pulled out all the necessary hardware in the kitchen and made her way to the young red oak in the yard, stopping at the nearby hammock.

"You know, I still say we create a legion of hammocks in the yard. Leave it to you to hog the best resting spot all the time." Heather noted playfully as she approached in the darkness. It wasn't quite dark enough yet to need a lantern, or her omni, but it soon would be.

"And you know that it would make the yard look terrible. Like I said, maybe if we can grab a permit, we can put some down by the lake, but the town's slow at that stuff, you know that." Shepard said casually as she rested on the rope hammock.

"Well, in the meantime, it's getting a wee bit too dark and cold out here, so you should come inside and help me bake." Heather stated casually, circling the outdoor furniture.

Shepard sat up a little in the nook and gave her a confused look. "Bake already? Won't we have all tomorrow for that?" her friend asked, clearly baffled, which only made Heather smile wider.

"Tomorrow's Sunday. You, my dear, have a class. It would be improper to show up with nothing for all those children who've been looking forward to seeing you again, no?" she asked with a laugh, steadying the hammock as Shepard nearly lost her balance from the shock.

"You…what?! How?" Shepard asked, sounding both excited and in disbelief.

Heather leaned up against the hammock posts and smiled back at her friend, happy to see she'd made the right decision. "As soon as you told me we were heading to Amaterasu, I kind of made a few calls. There are twelve who have gotten back to me, saying their kids are coming. Who'd want to miss the homecoming of our own human Spectre?"

"You're kind of amazing, Heather. Thanks." Shepard said kindly, stepping onto the grassy ground and over to her, Heather feeling Shepard's arms embrace her in a hug. "Really…thank you. This is a hell of a surprise."

 _If only you knew what was in store…_ she mused to herself, returning the hug, and then separating. "Well, that fudge isn't going to bake itself. Come on, let's see how much we can make."

* * *

The sound of a door shutting a little too quickly, and the hastened steps of someone through the hall brought Shepard out of her dazed half-asleep state. Fully alert and more than a little curious, she made her way off the couch she'd claimed, noticing the sun was still a long way from rising. She wanted to sleep, but it just wasn't coming. _Maybe a little walk around the house will do me some good…_ she thought, stretching her legs for a moment before slowly moving out of the living room. To her left, the dining room was empty, and the kitchen was pitch black. To her right, she could spy a faint light from the washroom leaking out from under the doorway.

Deciding to give the mystery midnight wanderer some privacy, she moved to the kitchen, taking a seat at the island. Shepard opened her omni-tool and, for the second time that night, got to modifying her lesson plan. The recent run in with Terra Firma only strengthened her desire to run another interspecies diversity class, one she hadn't done in a while. _And if I could get Tali and Liara to come along, they could really help these kids put a face to the names. Though I won't force them, of course…it'd just be nice to spend some time with them, just having fun._

Finally satisfied with the modifications and tweaks, she checked her chrono and saw that nearly half an hour had passed. Her vision darted to the washroom, its door still closed, light still bleeding out from underneath.

Slightly alarmed, Shepard hopped off her stool seating and made her way to the washroom, hesitantly knocking on the door.

"Hey…you alright in there?" she asked quietly. The sound of something that seemed a mix between a sob and a dry heave answered her, creating a pit in her stomach. Quickly, she made her way to the storage room, grabbing some cloths, a bucket, and her case of medicine.

After not receiving another response after a second series of knocks, Shepard crept open the door, frowning at the sight of Liara kneeling by the toilet, looking pale and out of breath. _Christ…_

She made her way over to Liara, who didn't seem to notice she'd entered, and wet a cloth with lukewarm water at the sink. "Do you still feel like you're going to vomit?" she asked softly, returning to the asari and pausing within her line of sight, waiting for permission to help clean her up. Liara just shook her head slightly, her exhaustion more than evident across her features. She didn't like seeing her friend sick or hurting, but she decided to put those thoughts and worries aside until her friend was more comfortable.

Shepard dabbed away at her lips and chin, rinsing the cloth over and over again as she gently saw to the asari's face and neck. After getting her to rinse her mouth out a little, and getting some fluids into her, Shepard helped bring Liara back to her room, bringing the empty bucket and tissues with her.

With her biotics, she gingerly brought the asari onto the bed and covered her with sheets, tucking Liara in and gently stroking her crests. "Are you going to be alright tonight, or do you want anyone to stay with you?" she asked softly, hovering over Liara at the edge of the bed.

Liara curled up in bed, pressing her head into her pillow as she cried. "I just…I miss her terribly." The asari spoke into the pillow, her voice muffled, but understandable.

Shepard took a seat at the end of the bed, her mind dizzy with all the ideas of what she could or should say to that. After a few seconds, she decided to try and take some inspiration from Shiala.

"What was…is… she like?" She asked, stumbling over her words a little. She didn't want to hurt Liara, and hoped that she could ease the pain somehow.

Liara turned in bed to face Shepard, her face tear-stained again, her jaw trembling ever so slightly. "Mother…she had such a strong will, a wondrous mind." Liara spoke, her eyes darting off to the side nervously shortly after. "I suppose I hoped that…that she would be fine, but…"

"We'll free her…Liara, I promise I will do all I can to free her. No one deserves what's been done to her, and I promise…I promise you'll be with her again." Shepard said softly, but fervently, almost feeling regret over the promises, but she knew in her heart that she wouldn't see her task unfinished. Tevos and Liara had wanted Benezia alive and returned to them, and that meant more than just physically. She was in Saren's possession, and that had to be corrected. "What was she like growing up?" Shepard asked, handing her a tissue.

Liara wiped at her eyes as she smiled brightly. "She always made sure I knew I was loved. Even when she couldn't be there for me in person, I would always see signs of her love around me. Petals of our favourite flower placed inside my meal container for school when I was young. Handwritten letters in ancient thessian, sometimes simply hosting a kind message, other times holding her poetry. She would bring me to operas, and spend time in the library with me just listening to them. When she couldn't be there, she'd have scheduled recordings anyway, and a voice recording of her thoughts on it, so I never felt alone." Liara spoke, wiping again at her eyes. "With the exception of one year, she always made time for me, always fostered a love of learning. She had aspirations for me, certainly, and there was always pressure to conform, but…she would never let any of it get in the way of what I wanted to do."

Shepard smiled at Liara's words, her fairly weak imagination still able to conjure up visions of her and her mother. Long ago, she would have felt jealous, but at that moment, she simply wanted Liara to have her back. She wanted Benezia to have her daughter back.

"She loved yellow, especially the brightest shades." Liara noted, a small laugh emerging from her. "When I was younger, she would take me through the garden, and we would sing and dance. I would always try and match her grace and how fluid she moved with each step, and I'd always fall or trip over my feet…and she'd always pick me up and kiss my forehead or my nose, and we'd continue on. Many only ever saw her as the polite, kind politician and religious leader. Some saw her as the strict disciplinarian while I was doing studies and biotic training at home. But…she is so much more, Shepard."

"She sounds like an amazing mother." Shepard noted with her own smile, her eyes unable to escape the dazzling blue gaze of Liara.

"I…used to think that she distanced herself from me because she disapproved of me, because she hated that I wasn't following in her steps, but…I can see clearly now. She had planted the seeds, seen to the soil, and provided me with the sun and rain I needed. It was merely time for her to step back and let me grow on my own, with what she had given me. Mother once told me that all children rebel from their parents, but…Goddess, Shepard…I didn't do so out of spite, but at times I thought rather poorly of my mother, condemning her for keeping me away. I loved her so much that I was blind to how she was expressing her own love for me. I…I have to…I need her to hear my apologies. My heart hurts so much, knowing that time may never come." Liara's heartfelt rant ended in more sniffling and tears, the asari's breath hitching with each sob.

Shepard crawled up the bed toward Liara, handing her the box of tissues, feeling the asari would need them. "You'll get that chance Liara, but…you have to know, she loves you. I doubt she didn't expect your reaction. She knew you'd eventually move through it, that you'd mature, and she'd be there welcoming you with an open heart and open arms in the end, no matter your decisions. Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees, Liara…it happens to the best of us." She whispered, wanting desperately to hold her, kiss her, tell her everything would be alright. She settled for holding the asari's hand and lightly brushing her thumb against the inside of her wrist.

"I just…I want her back, Shepard. He stole her away, brought such bad thoughts into my mind about her, doubts about her, forced her into violence…what he's done is unforgivable. Shepard…" Liara's voice trailed off, and Shepard couldn't help but lower her gaze to the bed sheets, scared of what Liara had to say, the guilt from Noveria bubbling inside of her. "Shepard, it hurt watching what you did to my mother. I…well, I simply couldn't watch, for the pain it caused. But you have done more than I could have hoped. You've given her a chance at returning to her life, of her returning to me. For that, I cannot thank you enough, and I will see this mission through to the end. Just promise me…promise me that you will not spare him any mercy."

Shepard couldn't help but freeze a little from the coldness in Liara's voice at the end. "Liara…I'm not sure I can…" she began, but the tearful asari quickly interrupted her.

"I know that you cannot make any promises as to the outcome of the mission, and I know that he could be a valuable pool of knowledge for curing the indoctrination, but I…I can't bring myself to care. I want him to hurt…as disgusting as that makes me feel, I cannot deny it Shepard. He must never be given the chance to do this to another."

Shepard merely nodded, fully understanding how Liara felt. Her thoughts returned to Faridah's mother's apartment back on Earth, and how rage over Cerberus' attempts to murder her best friend had fueled her to commit brutal violence. It wasn't something that she would ever regret, but it had unnerved her for years. "I promise, Liara." She said, her words cutting through the atmosphere of the room, Liara exuding relief at the statement. _It's easier when someone helps carry that weight, Liara. I'll help you…_

The asari beside her shifted her position, getting more comfortable before letting out a yawn. "Thank you, Shepard. I would be lost without you." Liara whispered, smiling shyly. Shepard couldn't keep her heart from flipping and fluttering from the words.

"Well, I guess I could commit to finding you when we're apart. Or you could hire me as your personal baker when this is all over. Or maybe you could just implant a tracking chip in me, so…" Shepard began listing off playfully, stopping as Liara's free hand lightly impacted against her chest.

"Shepard…" Liara said with a hint of exasperation, and a hint of something else that she wasn't sure she was entirely ready to think about that night. Her heart was still a little too heavy.

"I will be in the living room, on the couch, in case you forget. And your mother…" Shepard started, bringing a finger over above Liara's heart. "Will always be in here, if you need her. Never, ever doubt that her love is safe with you, Liara. I couldn't imagine a better person to trust it with." She spoke softly, moving off the bed and onto her feet. "Now I'll stop talking, because you need sleep."

Liara shifted back onto her side, offering her a smile as their eyes met again. "Goodnight, Shepard. And…thank you."

Shepard selfishly reached out and let her hand graze the asari's cheek one last time, returning Liara's smile with a shy one of her own. "Anything…anytime, Liara. Sweet dreams."

She moved quietly to the hallway, gently closing the door before returning to her resting place in the living room. It hadn't even been an hour since she'd woken, but she had gone from wide awake to entirely exhausted in that span of time. She wished she could have the hunt for Saren over with, she wished she was a scientist so she'd be able to help do whatever had to be done to cure Benezia. More than anything, she wished she could heal the hurt flowing through her good friend. She couldn't imagine the depth of the fear and uncertainty Liara was facing, and hated how clear the damage was, and how helpless she felt in mending it.

Too emotionally tired to keep worrying, and too physically tired to stay awake, she just focused on the faces of the children she knew, hoping she'd see them that morning, and possibly a new face or two. She wanted, perhaps needed, something right to happen, and as she drifted into slumber, she hoped the morning would be a good one.

* * *

Tali couldn't help but be tremendously excited; she'd never been in a building like a library before, and the wealth of knowledge at the tip of her hands was making her giddy. Sure, the flotilla had a few databases of technological information, and the extranet had provided access to many stories, but it was something entirely different to have all of it hosted in a physical space that she could move around in. It put into perspective the sheer volume of knowledge they had available, with data pads and the odd paper book filling rows and rows of shelving.

Her head turned to a clatter, Shepard picking up some of the materials she'd dropped. Tali had been terribly amused that morning at breakfast, seeing the woman fussing over a collection of plastic models resembling a number of the galactic races, the vorcha and batarians seemingly absent. She and Liara had both quickly agreed to take part in the class; she always had a soft spot for children, as most quarians did, and she figured her asari friend merely wanted to sate her growing curiosity about Shepard.

It was interesting for Tali to see the woman clearly able to shift the level of effort in mission planning to something seemingly as wildly different as a classroom. In a way, she reminded her of her aunt Shala'Raan, who always seemed to be prepared for anything.

Shepard moved from the table over to Tali, holding a paper filled with names, a slightly off-looking version of her name on one of them, with some symbols she wasn't familiar with above it.

"I wasn't sure if I got your name right…your language was trickier than I first thought. Did I get it right?" Shepard asked, looking apologetic.

"Yes…it…well, you obviously don't write in kheelish, so some of the line work is kind of blocky and inconsistent, but you did a good job. But…why did you take the time to write it? And…why were you looking up kheelish? I could have just written my own name down." Tali asked, curious as to the human's intentions.

"Well, I figured that I'd give everyone name tags for the class, and I wanted to show them what other languages looked like." The woman said, looking a little nervous. "And I know I could have asked you, but…well, I try and figure out how to communicate with people I know in more than one way, and I figure if a pressing scenario came up where either of us lost their translator function, I'd still want to be able to understand you, and have you understand me. So…I'm trying to learn kheelish."

 _Well, she has a long way to go, but…that might be a good idea, and it's kind of nice._ She thought with a smile, turning her head toward the sound of opening doors behind her, finding two asari entering the library; one clearly an adult, and the other much younger. Tali gave the elder a cursory glance as she eventually locked her eyes on the area Shepard had been working on.

"Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if there was a class going on today?" The elder asari spoke, bringing her daughter closer to the trio. Tali watched Shepard move across the open room to greet them, appearing a little surprised for a moment, before her expression faded to a simple smile.

"Yeah, I'm just getting things prepared for it." Shepard noted, gesturing back to the partially organized areas behind her. "My first class in a few months, trying to shake off the rust before it starts."

The elder asari clapped her hands together lightly in excitement. "Wonderful! I had heard there were classes on Sundays, but there haven't been for some time. We moved here three weeks ago, and I've been trying to get my daughter some new friends." The asari spoke kindly, smiling down at her daughter for a moment before returning her gaze to Shepard. "I am Laestria Dholara, and this is my child, Hallene." The asari finished, at last gesturing to her daughter, who was shyly half-hiding behind her.

Shepard took the asari's outstretched hand, giving it a gentle shake. "Pleased to make your acquaintance. Just call me Shepard, everyone does." The woman said with a smile before sneaking a peek at Hallene. "And I'm sure she'll be able to make some new friends, we're pretty friendly around here, though they might take a bit to get used to you, there aren't many asari here. Amaterasu treating you well so far, though?"

"My company decided to transfer me from Illium to here, to manage the logistics around our trade route. I cannot complain about the people so far, but…well, it seems to take the government here much too long to clear its paperwork." Laestria spoke, eyes widening in emphasis of her frustration over whatever unsaid matters that had been troubling her.

"Hah, I know that too well. A bit after I moved here, it took them half a year to give me permits to expand my home by a few extra meters. Just forests and fields around my place, no real need for super strict and slow inspection, but…well, that's Amaterasu for you." Shepard said, chuckling. "Maybe I can put in a good word for you, help speed things up a little."

Laestria looked like she was about to say something before her face twisted into confusion, then clarity. "Wait…I apologize, but Shepard? As in…the new council Spectre?" the asari asked with a hint of excitement, hand covering her mouth in shock, Tali spotting little Hallene peeking out curiously from behind her mom.

"At your service." Shepard said with a playful grin, offering a slight bow. "But please, it's not a big deal. I take off my Spectre hat when I come home, and sometimes I'm lucky enough to have time to teach."

The elder asari nodded with a relieved smile. "Well, if anything, it is a great comfort to know that my child is being protected by one of the best of the galaxy." Laestria noted, turning her gaze to Tali. "And…is she going to be taking part too?"

Shepard looked back at her and gestured Tali forward. She didn't really like being singled out, but she decided to go along with it, offering her hand to the elder, who reluctantly returned the human gesture. "Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, pleased to meet you." She spoke, finding the small asari's big cerulean eyes deadlocked on her in wonder.

"Tali's a close friend, and probably the smartest engineer I know." Shepard said with a kind smile, her eyes scanning the area quickly. "I was planning on a class about diversity in all of the galactic races and everything. I figured Tali and my other partner, who seems to have gone missing, could help some of the kids here adjust to non-human residents like you two. So you've probably picked the perfect time for your daughter to come to class." The woman finished, spurring Tali to check around for Liara, who was nowhere in sight. _Hrm…probably busy looking up human history_.

Laestria nodded thankfully at both of them. "I wish I could stay for the class, but I unfortunately have some final business to take care of before we can move into our new home. I shouldn't be any longer than two hours."

"Class will be about over by then anyway, so that's perfect." Shepard added happily, as Laestria moved to the side, kneeling in front of her daughter and whispering things too quietly for Tali's translator to decrypt.

The shy little child nodded and after an exchange of waves and best wishes, Tali and Shepard were left with Hallene. She decided to take the initiative and finish the small amount of preparation left until the class, leaving Shepard with the child, curious as to how she would behave.

"So Hallene, do you like it here on Amaterasu?" she overheard Shepard ask, as she activated Chiktikka to help her move furniture into place.

"I miss my friends back in Nos Astra." The child spoke, finding a seat on a nearby cushioned bench, Shepard following suit.

"It's hard moving and not knowing anyone. I had to move from here recently to a ship, just two months ago." The woman spoke kindly. "But I ended up meeting some wonderful friends who helped make that ship feel like a real home."

Tali caught the sight of the child fiddling with her own fingers nervously, something she found amusing, knowing it was her own reaction to uncomfortable situations.

"Even the quarian?" Hallene asked, which gave Tali some pause for a moment. She decided to keep moving furniture and see how Shepard reacted. She knew her people's reputation amongst the council races.

"Especially Tali. She's a great example of her people…friendly, kind, hard working, and creative. You see, when quarian kids get old enough they leave their homes and adventure into the rest of the galaxy, trying to find a way to help their families back home, and trying to make new friends. They might look different, sound different, and have different activities, but they can be really nice. They know what it's like to move to new places and be surrounded by lots of different people and cultures, and feeling homesick." Shepard explained with patience. _Yes…definitely reminds me of auntie Raan sometimes…_

"Oh, okay." Tali heard the child speak after a small delay, her voice full of acceptance. It was one of the reasons why Tali liked children. _They usually don't believe the same stigmas of quarians that adults do. Children can be nice, sometimes. There were a few on Illium…_ "What's the shiny ball following her around?"

Tali, happy with her arranging of furniture, having moved seating into a nice half circle of couches , benches and chairs, turned around and gestured to her VI. "This is Chiktikka vas Paus, my VI drone." She said cheerfully, guiding Chiktikka over to the young asari, displaying a happy face image; it was initially implemented to taunt the geth it would attack, but she found it fitting for the situation.

Hallene stared at it wide eyed, her hand touching the translucent, minifactured material of her pet drone. "Can it talk?" the young child asked curiously.

"No, but perhaps in the future. Right now it just beeps and boops, though it can hear you, and …" she let her voice trail for a second or two. "Can you introduce yourself to Chiktikka, Hallene?"

"Um…hello Chiktikka. I'm Hallene Dholara." The child said shyly, the drone bouncing in the air for a moment or two, its smiley face moving to an open mouthed happy face as Tali encoded the girl's vocal pattern into Chiktikka's user list, one priority under her own.

"There. Now Chiktikka knows you, and if you want or need anything, she'll respond." She said cheerfully, bringing a small smile to Hallene's face.

The asari child kneaded her hands again, looking nervously between Tali and Chiktikka. "If…can I play tag with her?" Hallene asked quietly, her eyes lowered to her own feet.

"Oh, that'd be fun! I…" Tali started excitedly, immediately feeling a little sheepish for sounding like a child again. "When I was younger, me and my friends would play tag, and blockage finder inside the vents of the Rayya , often with my mother's VI, or my uncle's. Just if you use your biotics to tag Chiktikka, she may disappear for a minute."

Hallene's body language immediately shrunk, the child curling in on herself, drawing concern from both herself and Shepard alike.

"Hey, I know it might be a bit different from home, but it wouldn't be any trouble. Tali could bring Chiktikka back real easily." Shepard cooed, gently resting her hand on the asari's shoulder.

"You wouldn't understand." The young child moped.

Tali knelt in front of Hallene, wishing her visor could be clear so the girl could see her face. "You might be surprised, but we won't know unless you let us help." she spoke in as much of a reassuring tone as she could manage, knowing the effect her vocalizer had on her speech.

"You're humans and quarians. No one teases you for not being able to use biotics. I'm ten, I should be able to use it by now." Hallene noted quietly, pulling her knees to her chest. _Well, she definitely doesn't look like a ten year old quarian…maybe a 6 year old…_

"I bet she wasn't teased." The girl finished, gesturing momentarily to Liara, who was sitting across the room in a chair, intently looking over a datapad.

Tali looked to Shepard for an answer, knowing next to nothing about asari development or norms. The woman seemed deep in thought for a few moments before nodding and moving from the bench to kneeling beside Tali.

"Well, I can tell you with all certainty that Liara over there was teased. Maybe not for her biotics, but for something else, and she's an amazing asari, just like I'm sure you are." The woman said softly, giving Hallene a bright smile. "Although, now that you've moved to Amaterasu…there aren't really any biotics teachers here, are there? Are you worried you won't be able to get better at it?"

Hallene nodded slowly, biting into her lip. Shepard stood up stretched her arms and shoulders, moving into the open area inside the ring of seating.

"Then it's a good thing that you've got a pair of biotics here to help." The woman noted, turning to face her asari peer who was still deeply invested in her reading material. "Liara, can you come over here?"

The sound of her name, spoken somewhat loudly, spurred the asari from her focus, and soon Liara was strolling toward them.

"Is there something you need help with in the set-up, Shepard? I…" Liara started, pausing as Hallene came into her view. "Oh! Why, hello there. Are you here for the class?"

Hallene, wide eyed, just nodded. Tali could tell the child recognized her, and seemed about as star struck as she'd been when she'd first met Hylen'Ghara vas Idenna, the famous actress from 'Fleet & Flotilla'. She held back a giggle as Liara turned to Shepard with a curious look.

"I suppose I made a rash assumption that there would be no non-humans here on Amaterasu. Do you normally teach other asari, Shepard?" Liara asked, clearly surprised about Hallene.

"Nope, it's admittedly been just humans until now, but I'm more than happy to have Hallene here. It's her first time." The woman said, smiling at the young, wide-eyed child.

Liara turned back to the child, moving closer to seemingly get a better look. "Well, it is nice to meet you, Hallene. You can call me Liara." The elder asari said, offering a bow.

The small child immediately scrambled off the bench and did a more elaborate bow, kneeling in front of Liara, which Shepard seemed to find amusing, by her barely stifled giggle.

"I'm honoured to be in your grace, Liara T'Soni." The child said hastily, drawing an audible chuckle from the commander.

"Seems you have a fan, Liara." Shepard noted playfully, drawing a serious look from the prothean expert. _I suppose Hallene must have done something important…_ "Just saying, for a child to commit to serving under you…that's a pretty big thing."

Tali just remained silent and sat on the nearby bench, not entirely sure what was happening, but being interested nonetheless.

Liara turned back to Hallene, still kneeling, and lifted the child's chin. "Hallene, you needn't follow such tradition with me, I am not the head of my house." The maiden spoke kindly, prompting the child to stand, blushing furiously.

"Oh. S…sorry." Hallene answered, her eyes lowered at her feet. "I forgot."

"It is more than alright. When I was your age, I was always forgetting the proper forms and when to use them." Liara spoke, earning a shocked look from the child. "If…if you agree to do away with formalities for the day, so shall I."

"A good solution as any, Liara. She was just confiding in us about her biotics." Shepard noted, causing the child to blush even more, and turn away nervously. Liara moved beside Hallene, taking a seat on the nearby bench, patting the area beside her. The child quickly took the seat, but kept her eyes averted.

Tali watched as Liara's eyes turned black, something she'd only witnessed once before in a vid. Shortly after, the child's did too, and it was clear they were having a private moment, asari to asari. A minute or so later, both sets of eyes cleared, and the child slowly moved across the room to Shepard, nervously wringing her hands in the process.

Shepard knelt to get closer to eye level with the child, offering the child an apologetic smile.

"Liara said you… you can use biotics?" the young one asked, Tali looking over to Liara and seeing the pleading look on her face. "Um…could you show me a charge? Tela Vasir did it in a vid and…and I haven't seen one in real life before."

Shepard moved to a sitting position and nodded. "Yeah, I happen to be one of the lucky humans to have biotics." Shepard said, Tali noticing a bit of fakeness to the smile in the woman's voice, but the child seemed convinced. The human patted her back happily. "And I'd love to show you a charge. Hop on."

Hallene was frozen in place for a few seconds, before moving behind Shepard and wrapping her arms around the Spectre's neck, her legs around the woman's waist. Shepard's arms moved behind her back to make something of a seat for the asari, and when the child was all set, Shepard moved to her feet and went to one of the areas with a wide aisle.

Tali and Liara followed, both seemingly curious, though Tali wasn't sure how it would all work. She'd seen Shepard charge biotically before, but she didn't know what carrying a second person would do. She hoped the woman knew what she was doing.

"Charge!" Shepard yelled out, and flashed about twenty meters forward in a blue burst, dissipating any worries, as the giggling sounds from Hallene filled the library. Then, for good measure, both charged back to her and Liara, a smile plastered on both Shepard and the child's faces.

Hallene reluctantly let go of Shepard, clearly excited to have had experienced the charge, and turned to face Shepard. "How'd you do that?" the child asked excitedly, before pausing and frowning. "Wait, it's probably really complicated, isn't it?"

Shepard shook her head at the words before taking off her shoes and socks, leaving her barefoot.

"It was actually the first biotic technique I learned. I did it by accident, and I ended up charging into a brick wall and knocking myself out, but it was my first." The woman noted, then proceeded to go through the technical muscle movements she'd use, patiently taking it step by step, often repeating herself for the child.

"Basically, that's what works best for me, because it's just slightly different than how I feel when I'm running, and that makes it easy for me to remember and feel, and so long as I'm able to focus my biotics to trigger it, it happens." Shepard explained, drawing a nod from Hallene. "As for gaining that biotic focus, I'm not sure I'll be much help in that, I wasn't taught traditionally in any way so…Liara would probably be able to help show you some meditation techniques that can help."

Liara nodded happily at the girl, whose gaze quickly darted back to her. "I can record some vids of the techniques for you to use, if your mother permits, of course." The elder asari spoke, evoking a gleeful squeal from the over-excited child. Tali enjoyed how the two were helping the young asari feel welcome. She had no doubts about either of their intents, but had worried that perhaps due to their occasional social awkwardness, the child would be further put off. _Maybe they both just like children…_

"Shepard!" Tali heard a young voice ring out across the library, her head turning toward the entrance. A young blonde dashed away from two human adults and across the room into Shepard, who caught the girl in a tight hug.

"Jillian, I'm so glad you're here!" Shepard said cheerfully, letting the young girl go and holding her at arm's length. "Missed you, you know. You've got to be an inch taller and a year older by now."

"Three inches and one year! I'm nine years old now!" the blonde answered with a toothy grin, though it seemed she was missing one of her bottom teeth. The girl peeked around Shepard's body and gave her, Liara and Hallene a questioning stare. "Shepard, did you get married?"

Shepard followed the question with a few seconds of wordless babble in attempts to answer, her face redder than Tali had ever seen. She decided to spare the woman the embarrassment of a prolonged episode and introduced herself. "No, I'm Tali, and that's Liara, we're visiting Shepard. That's Hallene, she's here for the class today." She spoke, glad that her words made sense to the young human, and happy that Shepard had decided to go see the girl's parents for a few moments.

"Okay." Jillian noted with a smile, moving closer to Hallene. "I'm Jillian." The girl said happily, extending her hand. "Are you new here?"

Hallene nervously took her hand and shook it gently. "I'm Hallene…I just moved here, yes."

Tali just stood back and watched the two young children talk, Hallene growing more comfortable with the human child in front of her. _Though Liara's disappeared again, it seems…and Shepard's back to fiddling with her set-up._ She mused, smiling to herself. _Well, I'm sure this won't be a total disaster…_

* * *

Liara watched the children file out of the classroom, entirely pleased with how the lesson had gone, even if the question and answer period was awkward at times. She supposed that young children were simply curious, and helping them gain an understanding, which they seemed to do, was more important than any such embarrassment she faced. _At least they didn't ask how I peed, like they did with Tali._ _That…would have been rather mortifying…_

She watched the young blonde from earlier give Hallene a hug before departing with her parents, and couldn't help but feel happy for the child. Liara's childhood had been void of many close friends that weren't Benezia's acolytes, and she knew the pressures of being different and feeling a little out of place.

It had been something that Shepard had touched on a number of times during the lecture, that everyone had differences that separated them from others, but that it was their similarities that brought them together. Liara particularly enjoyed the point that their differences would only help each other understand their potential and what they can offer, and make their lives more interesting by embracing diversity; it was along the lines of what her mother would talk of in her attempts to create a more tightly-knit galactic community. _Goddess, some of the human children were just so…open. So curious, and questioning. It was lovely, seeing them all so excited to learn about other species, and everyone politely going to Hallene and I with questions about asari. I can see why Shepard enjoys teaching, now…though I wonder why so few showed up. One would imagine that a Spectre would bring in a crowd, but only eighteen or so came in today. Perhaps…_ she mused, the thought of the two goons from the Citadel harassing her filling her mind before she whisked it away in favour of a nicer, more recent memory. She couldn't help but blush when thinking about it, and let her focus return to her datapad, as she searched for a prime sitting area.

She wasn't entirely ignorant of human customs, and had become aware of marriage a week beforehand during a light research session. It had seemed to be a potentially more committed, though potentially more fragile union than asari and their bond-mates. However, the diversity of customs in the event of proposal were dizzying, and Liara didn't care to concern herself with them, merely happy to recall the magnificent blush and brief smile on Shepard's face when the question was asked. It had been too much to watch, and she'd had to escape to gather her thoughts.

She knew they hadn't even admitted their feelings for one another, and that nothing was especially certain about either of their futures, or the stability of their feelings, but Liara cherished that Shepard had been so adorably flustered that she couldn't answer. _She couldn't say no. If there was any doubt to her affection toward me…and last night, I thought perhaps I had misread her…I cannot doubt anymore. I believe that we can bond…I want to…_

Perhaps it was because of her acclimation to her recent lifestyle change, living amongst others, or perhaps it was the recent emotional loss of her mother, or perhaps it was just an internal urge with no understandable source, but she knew that she needed an answer from the woman soon. Liara simply hoped that her plans with Heather would come to fruition and provide her a perfect opportunity to retrieve it.

After a long while of studying the flora of Amaterasu, their regions, their growing seasons, and having endured the happy giggling of Hallene and the chirps of Chiktikka as they darted through the aisles after each other, she realized that the asari child was still there in the building. Rousing herself from her studies, she realized that more than two and a half hours had passed since the end of class, and the child's parent still hadn't arrived. _And she is clearly much too young to be left to her own devices…_

She got to her feet crossing the floor of the library to the table where Shepard and Hallene were, eating fudge from the plastic container the woman had brought.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, drawing blank looks from both of their faces before Shepard clued in.

"Oh, her mother hasn't arrived yet. Probably dealing with some slow government worker finalizing the records stating that she owns her home. If there's one thing I don't like about this place, it's that sometimes, something that should take ten minutes to do somehow takes ten days." Shepard answered, which didn't exactly make sense to Liara, but she nodded anyway. She wasn't sure how anyone could be so slow, or derelict in their duty.

"Well, I hope everything is alright with her." Liara said, sitting down at the table. "May I?" she asked, looking at the chocolatey snack. It had been torturous the previous night, enduring the tantalizing scent of it, so she didn't hesitate in taking a square as Shepard nodded. The texture was grainier, though very moist and saturated with a flavor similar to the one she'd enjoyed before. It lacked the creaminess, but in its place was a sweeter, richer taste that would have had her salivating had she been lacking in self control. She made a mental note to record the recipe later, perhaps not for herself to accomplish, but more likely as a reminder of what she could ask for sometime in the future.

Liara heard the small child beside her yawn, spurring up memories when she was such an age. _I would always wake mother in time for the sunrise, and she would put up with me, often obviously tired. I loved watching the start of the new day…though I rarely saw the peak of the afternoon sun before I was back in bed or on the couch with mother or Shiala, napping comfortably._

"Someone's sleepy." Shepard cooed at the child, getting up from her seat and moving over to Hallene, whose eyelids were starting to droop. "Come on, let's get you to a more comfy spot." The woman added, kneeling down and picking the child up, Hallene's arms quickly wrapping around Shepard's neck.

She watched the two walk off and couldn't help but smile at the woman's sense of purpose, Shepard totally forgetting about her as she made the child a priority. It was both amusing and heartwarming to see that single-mindedness spring up. After a few minutes, Liara followed the path Shepard had taken, finding them off in the distance, resting on a couch, Hallene curled up and resting her head on the woman's lap.

Taking a slight detour, Liara moved through an aisle a few rows from where the two were, taking a seat near the end of it as Shepard's voice became audible.

"And then the brave commando and her trusty sidekicks ventured through the volcano in search of the Matriarch's incredibly intelligent daughter, knowing full well the danger she was in." she heard the woman speak softly, and equally soft voice responding.

"Are you talking about Liara?" Hallene asked sleepily, her mumbled words barely comprehendible.

"Let's just stick to the basic titles, little dove." Shepard spoke with amusement, Liara's heart fluttering at the affection the woman gave the child. She couldn't see them, but she imagined the woman treating Hallene like she herself had been doted on by Benezia. Liara couldn't help but feel a little guilty at the thought, but the woman obviously cared deeply for all the children in her class, and had seemed to make it her mission throughout the class to get the child a slew of new friends and to be comfortable. _Perhaps it's all because she's still in her fertility period as a human…and she is childless… perhaps she wishes she had one? Humans don't live long, motherhood is only possible within a brief window of their lifespan…would she treat her own child like this? Is she restraining her affection at all, or…?_

"Anyway, the three wandered through the mountain, the heat was terrible, and the volcano's robot guards were even more terrible. But the commando could hear the Matriarch's daughter's pleas from a distance, and knew that she was trapped. It was then that the krogan general stepped forward, challenging the commando to a battle." Shepard continued the silly story, obviously fabricated and exaggerated from what Liara understood. "The krogan was fast, strong, and brutal, throwing the commando around the volcano's caverns…but the commando had something the krogan didn't. She had made an oath, a promise, and knew that she could not break her oath. With that power…and a little help from her engineer and marine partners, she defeated the krogan, and rescued the Matriarch's highly intelligent and captivating daughter just in time, the volcano erupting around them as they escaped to safety."

"Did you and Liara kiss?" she heard Hallene ask, and if not for Shepard choking on whatever breath she'd taken, she likely would have heard Liara gasp from shock. _From the mouths of babes…_

"Hey now, what…what did I say about basic titles? And…no…there wasn't any kissing, little dove." Shepard explained with surprising calm and patience, having apparently regained her composure, though she was certain she could feel the heat from Shepard's blushing from where she sat.

"Well you should have. That's how the stories go." The child murmured, a light yawn audible afterwards.

"Heh, maybe." She heard Shepard say softly, Liara knowing full well that Shepard had not been in any shape for such an attempt. _Though had she been able to…I might have been receptive, I'll admit…though I likely would have been tremendously confused from my exhaustion…_ she thought, deciding to give the woman and child some space.

Liara and Tali made quick work of dismantling the set-up, arranging the supplies, and packing them up in the crate Shepard had brought. The day would be a nice memory to have, and she hoped that with it less than half over, that she'd be offered more instances to write to memory. _Though I suppose with two already, I shouldn't get greedy…_

The sound of footsteps at the doorway brought Liara's gaze to meet an older asari, likely a matron in her fourth century if the tone of her crests and the potency of her markings were any indication. The elder's eyes quickly caught sight of Tali and held her gaze there. "I apologize for being so late, I did not wish to burden you." The asari matron spoke with great remorse. "I assume the Spectre has left for her other appointments?"

"Shepard is still here, Laestria, and it was no burden. We all found something to do in the mean time." Tali answered happily, seeming to dissuade some of the other asari's guilt.

"Your child is with Shepard. Last I saw, it looked like Hallene was ready for an afternoon nap." Liara added with a smile, drawing a polite nod, followed by yet another stunned reaction as the matron seemed to recognize her.

"You…you are Matriarch Benezia's daughter, Liara T'Soni! I…my mother's sister was at your hundredth birthday celebration, Matriarch Aesteria." Laestria spoke hurriedly, about to go through a similar formal greeting as her daughter before Liara stilled her with a light touch.

"Matriarch Aesteria was very kind to have graced me with her presence on such an important night." Liara spoke, trying to hide her discomfort. In truth, it had been an important night; it was the first major celebration aside from her graduations that her mother had refused to attend. The combination of having brought up her mother, and that horrible night was nearly too much for her to stomach, and she was thankful that the matron seemed to sense her error in bringing it up.

"Thank you, Lady T'Soni." The matron stated apologetically, though her eyes betraying both surprise and confusion. "May I ask how you've come to be here?"

Liara gestured for Laestria to follow her, and decided to remain civil, knowing the matron hadn't meant any offense. "I was on a remote dig a few months ago, and upon entering the excavation site one day, I managed to meet Shepard. She was in the area to help plan for defenses against potential geth attacks." She lied, knowing the matron wouldn't question her, due to their respective statuses. "She and I became friends across those few days, and we've kept in touch since. When the Spectre told me she was taking leave and offered me an invitation to her home, I made time. Humanity is quite interesting, Laestria, I think you'll find that to be clear in the coming months. They are not like you and I, yet…they are at the same time remarkably similar. It is difficult to explain."

As she finished speaking, both Shepard and Hallene came into view; both had their eyes closed, Hallene curled up against the woman. Liara smiled at the sight and led Laestria forward, Shepard's eyes opening as they grew near.

"I take it Amaterasu gave you trouble?" Shepard whispered, her eyes dazzling with amusement.

"I had to take a skycar to another town to complete paperwork due to some technical error I won't bore you about." Laestria explained quietly. "I am so sorry for being late. How was Hallene?"

Shepard smiled brightly and gave a light sigh. "Magnificent. You have an amazing daughter, Laestria, which everyone seemed to notice. She made a lot of friends today." Shepard answered, gently lifting the cute slumbering child and delivering her into her mother's arms. "Whenever I'm in Amaterasu, if you ever need anything at all, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm always willing to help, or even just sit around and chat."

Laestria's eyes widened, both her and Liara surprised at the offer, but with how Shepard's eyes kept darting back at Hallene, she knew that the young child had weaved her way into the woman's heart. "Thank you, I truly appreciate the offer, though I would never wish to be a burden…" the matron began, halting as Shepard gave her a disbelieving stare.

"I'll let you in on a secret. Lots of humans out here are really hospitable, myself included, and when we make an offer like that, it's honest. I don't want you to wallow in any trouble, so if I'm around, call me, I'll appreciate it. And when I'm here, I'm usually spending time with family and friends, and am up for any extra company that would like to pop by, so feel free, alright? This is a pretty good community...Greenbank's a nice town. Once people get to know you, you'll probably start feeling more at home here. Everyone helps each other out here in the colonies." Shepard elaborated as they moved quietly toward the exit, Tali waiting by the door with their crate.

"I…I would be honoured, then." Laestria whispered in return, looking down at her child. "Thank you for making life easier for her. She never really fit in on Illium, and she really valued the few friends she has over there."

Liara looked to Shepard, receiving a nod, then returned her gaze to the matron. "Hallene admitted to us that she was having difficulties with her biotics. We will not be here long, but if I could get your home terminal address, I could forward meditation videos to her from time to time, to help with her control. I know how difficult it can be to develop biotics in an area without a teacher nearby." Liara requested earning a quick nod from the matron.

"And I request…" Shepard started, taking hold of the fudge container. "That you have the rest of this. Consider it a housewarming gift, if you'd like, though it isn't much of one."

As sad as Liara was to see the fudge be given away, she knew the two human women would soon make more delicious desserts, so she held her tongue. The group of them said their goodbyes, and were quickly on their way home, Liara enjoying the sights and sounds around her on the way back. She made mental note of the trees and fields and flowers they'd pass, many of the colours brilliant and fitting for the season.

"It's been a good day so far." Shepard said from the driver's seat, surprisingly making the ride home smooth and free of unnecessary ravine jumping. "Longer than expected, but really good."

"Hallene was just so sweet and adorable." Tali added, earning a nod from Liara.

It was a good day. She looked forward to the evening, and what it could bring.


	34. Repose in Blue

Familiar smells wafted through Shepard's curious nose as she entered her home; tomato, garlic, basil, the savoury scent of some meat she could hear sizzling. It all combined to bring one thing to mind, and both excited and aggravated her.

"Heather!" she yelled, marching into the kitchen to see the woman clearly most of the way through the prep. "I thought…I thought we agreed on this!"

The tall brunette turned and smirked at her, gesturing for her to join in. "Got started a while ago for you, but I used your ingredient list, not mine. You were late, and unless you wanted to eat long after sundown, I'm not going to apologize." The woman finished with mock indignation.

Shepard walked over to her and took a second look, noticing everything was ready for her to make her favourite food. _Tonight…I will show Liara the glory of pizza!_ She thought, before being distracted by a new contraption on the far counter.

"Thank you, Heather." she sighed dramatically, moving closer to the new device. "This one of the things in the boxes from yesterday?"

Heather stopped mixing the tomato ingredients and moved over to her with an excited smile. "I may have solved the Tali food problem." Her friend said, trying to hold back her glee. Shepard just took a closer look at the device, recognizing that it looked like something of a blender, with some attachment.

"Are you telling me you bought a special food processor for Tali?" Shepard asked, entirely delightfully surprised. "That's…" she started, unable to find the words she wanted to say and just resorting to a hug.

"Hey now, I thought I'd get a hug from her, but you too?" Heather asked playfully, embracing Shepard briefly before separating. "I bought a dextro food processor, and a compact industrial sanitizer, and…well, I needed her help to get it working up to standard, took all afternoon to link both systems together, but now we don't have to worry about giving her nutrient pastes for dinner. I know she can't smell the food we make all that much but I want her to feel included."

"I didn't even think it was possible, didn't even cross my mind as a possibility." Shepard said, shaking her head. "Can we bring it with us on the ship? I'd really like to have it there so we can get her proper dextro stuff, and so when we hit up the citadel again, she can do some food shopping if she wants."

Heather cocked her head to the side for a moment, nodding. "I think I could adapt it to the outlets on the Normandy. That's a pretty good idea." Her friend said happily, moving back to the large pot of red contents.

"Thanks again, Heather. This day just really…really keeps getting better." She noted, moving to the cutting board to mince the garlic.

"I take it class was so fun you decided to just keep it going?" Heather asked, stirring in the basil.

Shepard couldn't help but think back to the time around the class; it had been a day of firsts. First time seeing Tali play tag with a young child. First time reading a story to a young child, no matter how poor of a narrator she was. First time teaching an asari. _First time playing with a kid since Melody, too. Can't deny how nice it was…_

"Class actually ran on time. We had a new kid today, an asari named Hallene, and Heather…she was almost too adorable, and the poor thing was really self conscious about her biotics." Shepard tried to explain, getting sidetracked as she recalled the young child's laughter as she charged around with her, and did a little target practice with biotic throws. She'd managed to help Hallene do a small biotic throw; one that fizzled out quickly, but the child's wide-eyed elation from the success made her day.

"She blow over a shelf or something, and you had to clean up?" Heather asked, laughing a little to herself as she scooped up some of the minced garlic and tossed it in the pot.

"Nah, she was the only one her age back in her old school on Illium that couldn't use them well. Heather, you should have seen the look on her face when she managed a biotic throw. It was like I'd just given her a puppy or something!" she exclaimed, finishing the bit of garlic before moving to the fridge to check the dough. "Anyway, her mother got caught up in an appointment to finish getting their new home, so she was late, but I'm not complaining. The class was amazing, the kids were amazing, Hallene made a bunch of new friends, and she was absolutely star-struck with Liara. Made the day that much funnier."

Heather finished up adding the garlic and just stirred the final spices into the sauce, some oregano and rosemary mixing with the basil and garlic. "She sounds like she was pretty cute, Shep. Although…" Heather began, Shepard not liking the way the woman's voice trailed off. Heather turned around with a sly grin. "Let me guess…did she have big, brilliantly blue eyes?"

She had a feeling where it was going and decided to tiredly play along. "Why yes, Heather, she did." She answered, flipping the Italian sausage in the pan so the other side would brown.

"And was she a curious little thing? Ask a lot of questions? Maybe she was a little socially awkward or amusingly stubborn?" her friend continued, Shepard rolling her eyes at the words.

"Heather, all kids her age are curious as hell, of course she asked a lot of questions, and was a little awkward. She just moved to a new city with new people, and was left with strangers when she probably would have preferred her mother to be there with her. And…I guess she was stubborn, when it came to trying to emulate my form with the biotic throw, and it worked, and that was obviously a big thing, not just amusing." She answered, grabbing the spinach from the fridge and placing it on the island's counter-top before seeking out a new knife.

"Mmhmm. And, pray tell, did she have freckles too?" Heather prodded, earning a long, heavy sigh from Shepard.

There was likely some part of her mind, at some point of the time spent at the library, which might have entertained the notion of Hallene being like her, or being like Liara. _Or…well, I figure it'd be inappropriate to even think of the other possibility…_

"No, she had a faint teal facial marking band where her eyebrows would be if she were human, and her crests had little wavy tiger stripey markings too. I know what you're getting at, Heather, and I need you to stop. That kind of stuff has to be far, far from my mind right now, I'm still in the military. I'm a Spectre. Even if I wanted to have a child, I couldn't. I couldn't." She explained, her tone growing increasingly calm as she tried to steady the small spike of emotions. _Even if I wanted a child…I'd probably die before they grew old enough to avoid an orphanage…I don't think I could do that…and I don't think I could be a single parent either, and I'm still in the military, and I only have a GED for my education outside of officer training…_ she thought, taking a small breather. _I never even had a mom, I wouldn't know the first thing about how to do any of it, how to treat a child…no first-hand account of that with me…I'd probably be horrible…_

The sight of Heather moving toward her let Shepard break from the haze enough to non-verbally respond to her friend's look of concern, offering a smile in attempt to ease her.

"I'm sorry…you know I tease and…sometimes I go a little far." Heather noted seriously, before a small smirk formed on her lips. "I bet she was the cutest thing, though."

"She really was. I wish I could stay longer, do another class, but…" Shepard started, letting her voice trail off as she shrugged. She knew duty would call eventually, and they would leave on Wednesday morning either way at the latest, news or not. She just wanted that time to be as good as it could for everyone involved.

Heather let out a brief laugh, looking a little uncomfortable with the idea. "Hey, you stay another week and Faridah will slay us both. She managed to get her time off adjusted and she'll be here tomorrow and Tuesday, but we'll have a lot of buttering up to do. She wanted four days off, not three, and we'll be lucky to get a punch in the teeth as our gifts this year for it." The woman spoke, one part playful and one part deadly serious.

"Faridah's on her way?" she asked, shocked at the thought of being able to relax with her great friend again.

"Should be here by late morning tomorrow. Got any exciting plans set up for then?" her friend asked, moving to the oven to preheat it.

Shepard let herself consider the possibilities she'd conjured on the ride home. "Well, I was thinking I could take, you, Tali and Liara on a walk into town, show those two around Greenbank a bit, maybe get some fresh food." Shepard wondered aloud, though shaking her head at the thought, her priorities changed due to the recent revelation. "But if Faridah's coming by, I should be here." She decided, taking some of the dough out of the fridge and placing it on the nearest open area of counter space.

"Shepard, let me handle her and take all the moderate bruising for you, just this once. By the time you get back, I'm sure she'll be back to her regular, happy self again. And I'll be soaking in the tub hoping I won't have accumulated any minor fractures. Enjoy your walk." Heather joked, though both knew Faridah's temper could be a little wild. _She'd never hit us or anything, but I'm pretty sure she's steamed over having to drop a day of vacation to fit our shore leave in._

"Well…alright. And I assume Ash is coming with her family tomorrow too?" Shepard asked, though mostly just for confirmation. She'd gotten a message that morning from the marine, telling her as much.

"Yep! Should be a full house tomorrow. Though she said that her family wants to do the cooking, which means we get to sit back for once." Her friend noted with a frown, both of them quite enjoying cooking and baking, neither really ever having the opportunity when on active duty.

Shepard thought about her home's layout for a moment, trying to think up ways to fit everyone inside. "Well…Ash and her family can grab both guest beds…Faridah can have my room…" she started, Heather jumping in quickly.

"And I'll bunk with her, to save space." The woman noted happily, making Shepard smile.

"Sounds good. Liara and Tali can have the couches by the fireplace, and…I'll grab a chair or something. Maybe put some cushions in the bathtub and sleep in there." She noted, amused at the thought, though she knew it would be terribly uncomfortable.

Heather started rolling out the dough, seemingly happy with the plans Shepard had made as they both bot to work on preparing the pizzas. _Tomorrow might be dicey…but I think it could be pretty great if it all works out well…so long as Faridah doesn't pummel Heather, that is…_

* * *

Liara checked her chrono for the fourth time in the past hour, anxiety rushing through her. All night, she'd been working herself up, trying to figure out what to say, how to say it, and where to approach the woman, yet she still hadn't returned from outside. _It is nearly 19:00, she should have come in long ago._ She thought, beginning to pace inside the kitchen. Everyone else had gone to bed an hour before, and she was feeling the effects of fatigue as well, and knew she'd need her strength for the next day.

Deciding to take some initiative, she tossed on the coat she'd brought in case of inclement weather, and exited out of the kitchen, walking down the stone path to a light a little ways off. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she was able to spot Shepard, lying in the hammock with a lantern beside her. Liara closed the distance quickly, giving a sigh of relief when she saw the woman was curled up in a blanket.

"Shepard, it's much too cold out here, and it's late. Please, come inside with me." She asked, seeming to startle the woman slightly.

"Wait, what?" the woman asked quickly, popping her head up before sinking back down into the hammock. "Oh jeez, Liara. I didn't know you were there."

Liara moved to the side of the hammock looking at the strange piece of furniture. "Why are you out here so late?" she asked, entirely confused at why the woman would spend time out in the cold when she could be inside in front of the fireplace, resting on a soft couch that wasn't made entirely of rope.

"I, uh…was just…it's complicated." Shepard answered sheepishly, prompting Liara to offer her hand, the woman reluctantly taking it.

"Then perhaps you can tell me over a cup of tea?" she asked, taking the lantern and leading Shepard back to the house. She'd wondered why the woman had spent so much time away from the others, and had hoped she wasn't escaping due to her guilt from Noveria, as she had before, according to Tali.

The two quietly entered the home, Shepard gently shutting the door behind them as Liara went to start heating the water.

"So is there a particular reason why you spent most of the night out in that rope furniture, Shepard?" she asked, hoping she didn't sound too tense. She just didn't want the woman to fall ill, and didn't want to hear that she preferred to be alone. It would be a sick twist of fates, herself finally prepared and wanting someone to spend time with, only to have that person decide that being alone was preferable.

Shepard moved to the dining table and was silent for nearly a minute, her hands shaking slightly, whether from the cold or from anxiety, she wasn't quite certain. As the seconds stretched on, Liara became more concerned, not understanding why such a simple question would require such deliberation.

"The night you came into my mind and saw the visions…" Shepard started, quietly, taking another few seconds to gather her thoughts. Liara's heart sunk at the memory, and her confusion only elevated from the odd shift in topics. "You saw an old memory of mine. A twisted one, changed from the visions, but the main parts were intact. Do you remember?"

Liara moved to the seat opposite Shepard, wanting to understand the relevance, knowing that it was a terribly painful memory that the woman had held onto. "Yes, I…I do." She noted softly as Shepard knit one of her hands in her hair fur, getting caught in the dark brown curls.

"My sister died that afternoon, but…she made me promise her a few things. One of them was that we'd live out in the colonies." Shepard noted sadly. The remark made little sense to Liara, so she remained silent, hoping Shepard would continue. "She'd always loved space. Thought it all was so romantic, and she wanted to meet everyone…asari, turians, elcor, salarians…everyone. She wanted to write books for children. She was always smiling, no matter the circumstances."

"I would have enjoyed meeting her. She seems to have made a great impact on you." She said, not knowing what else to say aside from such empty platitudes. A thought crossed her mind that it could have been the anniversary of her sister's death, though she didn't dare bring that up.

"She really helped shape me, like I did her. I'd been blind and hadn't seen her health deteriorating. We'd both been exposed to eezo when our mothers were pregnant, and when our orphanage was exposed again by Cerberus, my biotic abilities kicked in full time. Melody wasn't so lucky." Shepard explained slowly, as if each word was a long-carried burden she was releasing. "We humans aren't naturally attuned to eezo. Only a few percent of kids exposed in utero will have working biotic potential at birth. The rest will either die from cancer, massive tumours spread across the bodies, abnormalities like having no functioning lungs, and other things…and then some will simply develop small benign tumors throughout their body, where biotics tried to develop, but couldn't. And when you're exposed a second time, those nodes can activate, or…they can accelerate the growth of the already present tumors."

Shepard took a moment to steady herself as Liara tried to imagine what it would be like to see a sibling deteriorate like that. _She watched her sister's body slip away, taking her sister's mind with it. Mother's mind has slipped away from me…but…she is still here. Perhaps that is why she so fervently promised to help her? To keep me from a similar fate?_

"She hid it all under baggy clothes, and stopped eating around me. She begged me for weeks to just take a day off, and to spend time with her. I thought that getting off Earth sooner was more important, was what she wanted, and I didn't listen. I don't blame myself anymore, I was just a kid, but…I couldn't deny her on her deathbed." Shepard continued quietly, shaking her head as her hand moved to grab the ever-present necklace. "She gave me this…seed. Same as the one on her old necklace. Asked me to plant it over her body when she was gone, so that she could continue with me…as a tree. A red oak. She had some interesting ideas about reincarnation…and I wanted to believe, so I did what I promised."

The woman sat back in her chair eyes darting off toward the living room. "It was foolish, really. It took me moving a tree from Earth to Amaterasu to realize my sister was with me anyway. I didn't need a tree for that, but it helps remind me of the good times we had. Of what she meant to me."

Liara endured a few seconds of silence before letting her words spill out. "It is actually a fairly asari way of thinking, to believe your sister's essence has gone back into the collective consciousness, although asari feel one's spiritual essence would only help fill sentient vessels, rather than trees and plants, or any such form of reincarnation. Still, the thought gave her comfort, and it helped you during your time in need. It is…comforting to not see death as an end, but as something of a new start, to know that what made someone special is out there providing that to the galaxy for someone else, or for a whole civilization, perhaps."

"I…thanks for not telling me I was insane. I mean…I know I'm a little crazy. In a way, my whole military career, most of what I've accomplished…at its base, it can be boiled down to some symbolic attempt to keep my sister from a similar fate, to keep others from being in the position I found myself in. For so many years, I thought I was broken, and had a duty to keep those still in one piece from that fate. Every so often, though, I think back to my sister, I hear her words, and I realize that there's more to all this, there's more to people than just…that." Shepard said softly, a wistful look in her eyes. "Everyone's made up of all these beautiful, specific details, and that makes us all worthwhile and unique…and that helped me put Mel away as that kind of unrelenting motivation, because that…that wasn't her I was really working to save all this time. She's dead, but I still have memories, and I still have dreams, not all of them bad. If her faith turns out, then she's in the wind, the soil, the rain, the snow…but no matter what, she's in me… as long as I live, she will too. So sitting by the tree and reminiscing…it's not something I have the opportunity to do often. It just feels like home out there."

The pop of the timer for the water sounded from the kitchen, leading Liara to give a parting smile to Shepard before going to prepare their tea. As she dipped the round mesh ball holding her tea leaves into the cups, she felt arms encircle her waist gently, bringing an immediate blush to her face.

"Thanks for listening Liara. It…really meant a lot to get that stuff into words." Shepard said, her words like feathers against her ear canal, her curly hair fur tickling her crests and neck.

Liara just let the tea leaves keep steeping and let herself lean ever so slightly into the embrace, enjoying the touch.

"I'm sorry about the tea, but…I'm feeling kind of wiped, and I need a little rest. Are you still up for tomorrow's walk?" the woman asked, disappointing Liara more than just a little bit. _Well, I cannot just blurt it out if she is in such a state, can I? Perhaps I should just do as Heather and I planned and wait…it…it certainly would be a rather fitting moment._

Liara turned within the woman's hug, she and Shepard nearly nose to nose. Their eyes locked, and for a moment, Liara lost her nerve, feeling herself fall into the woman's deep hazel eyes, the scent of what she'd come to learn as strawberries wafting into her nose as she inhaled. "Good night, Shepard." She spoke, her voice perhaps a tiny bit too close to a purr than would normally be appropriate.

Shepard took a moment before letting go, her eyes full of longing that only excited Liara, that dared her to chase after her. Liara wasn't sure if Shepard was quite aware what she was doing at that point, but she couldn't help but stare at the woman as she moved out of the kitchen and around the corner, memorizing each curve for later. _Goddess…tomorrow…I will have her tomorrow…_

* * *

Liara stood at the door to her bedroom, working herself into her role as she'd been doing for the past five minutes. She felt terrible about tricking Shepard, but it was necessary for what she needed to do. Grabbing one of the extra blankets the woman had left in her room in case it got too cold, she moved out of the doorway, wrapping the thick material around her shoulders. She faked a sniffle as best she could, taking a seat at the dining table with Heather and Tali, who seemed to be enjoying the results of the concocted machine the comm specialist had built.

"Morning Liara, ready for breakfast? I've got pancakes and breakfast sausage and toast, and a few apples left." Shepard noted cheerfully from the kitchen, the aroma nearly overwhelming. _I must stick to the plan…food can come later…_

"I think I will pass on breakfast this morning." She noted with a dull tone, following it up with a sniffle.

"Not even some toast?" the woman asked, her back still turned to her, flipping some round shaped thing in a pan.

"I fear I do not feel well enough to withstand a meal, but thank you, Shepard." She spoke, her sentence not half finished before Shepard spun around, her worried expression almost comical if she hadn't known the woman's sincerity. "It may have been all the desserts I ate yesterday, or perhaps the tea, or maybe I caught a virus at the school."

Shepard immediately took the pan she'd been working on off the heated area of the stovetop and moved over to the table. "Do you have a fever? Are you burning up? Do you need some water?" Shepard asked, turning on her heel and rushing over to the fridge, pouring water into a cup before Liara could answer. "Do…do you need medicine?"

Liara felt the guilt overwhelm her for a moment, Shepard seeming to misread it as pain, rushing to her side and resting the cup on the table. "I think I will be fine, Shepard, I…may just need a little rest." She said, hoping it would ease some of the woman's worry. It warmed her heart to see Shepard so concerned, but she would prefer such responses be in reaction to a real bout of illness, when it would truly matter. Until then, she just felt like she was unnecessarily tricking her.

Shepard stared into her eyes for a few seconds, her hazel globes glimmering with concern in the morning light. "You sure you'll be alright?" she asked, her voice sounding slightly strained.

"Asari regeneration should help, and my crests prevent me from 'burning up' as you humans do. Rest…rest should have me feeling better by the end of the day." She lied, drawing a slow nod from the woman.

"Alright. That's…that's a good idea. I'll help you to the living room." Shepard noted, her biotics flaring for a moment, Liara feeling the strange weightless effects of being lifted, and soon found herself lowered gently onto the couch facing the fireplace. Before she could get comfortable, the woman was tucking a pillow under her head, covering her with an extra blanket, and lowering a vid-screen above the fireplace. "In case you get bored, there's a bunch of vids…not a lot, but enough, I guess. And I'll be right back with a datapad, in case you want to use that instead."

Liara frowned as Shepard vanished, spotting an amused looking Heather off at the dinner table. _Goddess…this had better be worth it. It…would be so nice if it worked._

The commander quickly returned with a datapad, politely handing it to her before rushing back to the kitchen and finishing her meal. It didn't take long for the three to finish eating, Heather promising to handle the clean-up duties, and soon Shepard and Tali were preparing to leave.

Liara watched Shepard return to her once more, still appearing considerably worried. "Shepard, enjoy your walk with Tali. I will be fine here." She spoke preemptively, hoping to assuage the woman's concerns.

"You're absolutely sure?" Shepard asked quietly, kneeling by the couch to be closer to eye level with Liara.

"Positive. And one day I'm sure we can have a delightful walk of our own here, and you can show me around town." She answered, sincerely hoping to be able to do such a thing when the mission was all over.

Shepard smiled brightly and nodded. "I'll take you up on that next time." The woman spoke, reluctantly returning to the doorway, pausing as it opened. "Just in case, there's medicine in the storage room!" she called out from the entrance.

"She knows Shepard." Heather answered with amusement.

"And there's a bucket there too if you feel nauseous, and more blankets...and there's food in the fridge if you get hungry!" the woman yelled again, Liara thankful that she wasn't around to see her smirk.

"She knows Shepard!" Heather called out again, hurrying Shepard out the door.

"And if you want to call anyone there's a terminal in my…" Shepard started again, before the sound of the door shutting rang throughout the home.

Liara scoured through her list of native flora of Amaterasu once again as Heather cleaned up in the kitchen. When Shepard and Tali had been gone for around a quarter of an hour, Heather came into the living room grinning excitedly.

"Ready to go?" the woman asked, earning a slow nod from Liara, who was quite tired of acting and resting around by that point.

"I still feel bad about tricking Shepard. Could this not have been done another way?" she asked, Heather shaking her head animatedly afterward.

Heather helped Liara escape the veritable cocoon of blankets she'd been placed in and got her to her feet. "Look, I know it sucks, but we've been planning this…it's going to be great, it'll be worth it." The woman noted, though Liara wasn't sure that such a thing was possible, if it meant lying to her closest friend, a woman she was quite interested in. "Besides, worrying is what she does best, we're just taking advantage of her natural talents."

Liara gave a small shrug and followed heather out the door to the skycar, noticing their supplies were already packed. She looked forward to their morning activity, and meeting both Shepard's old friend Faridah, and Ashley's family. _I hope we can do this…I…suppose I will have to trust that everything will be fine…_

* * *

"Haha, as if two or three people could possibly destroy a whole army of rachni…and then a rachni queen like, five times the size of the one on Noveria. Just no way! Though maybe if the rachni did look more like giant ants, as the game made them out to be, it would have been possible." Shepard said, laughing with Tali over the Alliance Corsair co-op arcade game they had played in town.

"And as if you can get riddled with bullets, and once your shields recharge, you're perfectly fine and back to being fully healthy! That game was silly, Shepard." Tali added, turning to look at her omni-tool. "It was kind of embarrassing when we added Chiktikka as the third player. I can't believe she got the high score."

Shepard shook her head, ready to put that memory aside. _Losing to a VI…Christ…one day they'll be so smart, they'll probably put Joker out of a job…_

"It's nice to see you like this, Shepard." Tali noted cheerfully. Shepard cast a curious look at her, not entirely sure what she meant. "You look more relaxed."

Truth be told, she did feel relaxed. They'd had a wonderful time on the walk to and around town, and she knew that with Heather at home, Liara would be helped if she needed anything. _Of course, I'd prefer being there, but…well…can't always get what you want, and I would have missed out on today…_

"I'm happy to have a bit of a breather, I've…well, I've needed it lately. I know Joker could come by in the Normandy at any time and whisk us away, but for now…right now…this is what I needed." She responded with a smile, taking in the fresh afternoon air as they walked beneath the old trees. Shepard had always enjoyed that part of the path, where the trees bent over on the eastern side enough to make a full canopy for travelers to walk under. The vibrant purple leaves of spring only made it more wondrous.

"Do you normally do a class every Sunday while you're here?" the quarian asked her, drawing a nod from her.

It was initially just something to do, but she'd grown to love the kids, and to enjoy teaching them, helping them grow into great people. "Yeah, I really like it. I didn't think much about teaching before doing the classes, but ever since…it's just a wonderful feeling Tali, helping those kids grow."

"And…well…do you have plans on having your own children?" Tali asked, moving to start wringing her hands before she managed to catch herself.

The question was one she really couldn't be sure of. She liked the idea of children, but the thought of one being her own was scary. "I'm… not sure, Tali. Kids can be wonderful, but I don't think it'd be right for me to do anything like that so long as I'm still in active duty." She spoke calmly, recalling the days before Anderson had recruited her. "I was so close to just leaving, just getting discharged and doing something else. I wanted to stay here…live here…I didn't know what I wanted to do, or what I could do, but I was ready to quit before I was assigned to the Normandy. Now that I'm on this mission, inducted as a Spectre…I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to have a child. I refuse to have children while active and leave them to orphanages like I was, if something were to happen to me."

"I suppose I can understand. I guess one of the better things about the migrant fleet is that all children are precious. We have restricted birth rates, sure, but if a child loses their parent, there's a fleet worth of quarians ready and willing to take responsibility for the child. We're very family oriented, no child would go without a parent." Tali responded with a nod.

Shepard smiled at the thought; she knew quarians weren't perfect, they had flaws like everyone else, but that aspect of their culture was something she admired. "I'm happy things work like that over there, that they focus on their people. I mean, my childhood was nice enough really, outside of a few incidents…but I never really felt loved until I was twelve. It was hard to deal with at times, and I don't think I could ever do that to a child… I couldn't have a child and keep risking my life out here, because I'd die, and my child would be alone." She spoke, realizing the conversation was taking a bit of a dark turn. "So I'd much prefer to be there for their first steps, for their first words, their first day at school…I'd rather be there, with them, for all the important things. I'm pretty sure that fighting for the galaxy would take a backseat to fighting for my kid as soon as I popped one out. So who knows…I'm still kind of young, I guess…maybe in five years?"

"Shepard, you're ancient. What are you, forty?" Tali asked with the digitized giggle that always brought a smile to her face.

"I'm not even thirty yet!" she replied, pretending to be greatly offended and shocked at the assertion. _I'm twenty eight…and I'll be twenty nine in a week. Blegh._ She thought as she and Tali approached her home. "I'm still plenty young, my dear Tali, lots of gas left in the tank and…and…" Words failed her as she reached the walkway to her home. _Holy shit…_

The azalea bushes lining the walkway had caught her eye immediately, their usual pinks, purples and reds were complemented by the odd glowing blue light which managed to cast the flora in a new, ethereal light. The overhang along the walkway had never been properly decorated, but there it was, lined with flowers and leaves on every post, the wooden weaved ceiling covered in a leafy plant with many interspersed blue glowing lights across its length. _Janiris…it's Janiris…_ she thought, recognizing some of the plants and flowers from the memory Shiala had shared. _These are from Thessia…oh my god…_

Shepard took a few hazy steps forward, a hand covering her mouth in shock as her eyes caught sight of her home, her front entrance lined with flowers and the multi colour leaves Amaterasu was known for. It was only when she saw her sister's tree, bathed in a similar blue glow, that it all became too overwhelming; tears freely streaming down her cheeks from the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. She wasn't sure whether it was because no one had done anything like that for her in her life, or that for a short while, her home was made to feel like home for more than just herself and Heather, or perhaps a slew of other reasons. It didn't matter in the end, as she was too happy and surprised to even think, moving down the walkway.

Her legs carried her toward the front door, which opened to reveal Liara as she reached the small porch. Her mind immediately shifted into conflict as she saw her, as she recognized that familiar look of joy. She desperately wanted to push the memory Shiala had given her to the back of her mind, ignoring that Liara may have experienced her last true Janiris celebration with her mother, but it refused to go away entirely. Only by the sheer purity of affection in the asari's eyes did she take those final steps, removing her hands from her face to take a closer look at the work that had been done, and then the lovely asari before her, wiping the tears from her eyes to see more clearly. _God, she's…radiant…_

She felt a new weight around her neck, noticing Liara adorning her with wreaths of leaves and flowers, the asari smiling brightly all the while. Her heart soared at the sight, and even more tears came, her arms reaching out and embracing Liara in a tight hug to gain the contact her heart was craving.

They stood there for a time, Shepard trying not to sob onto Liara's fancy gown that she had just noticed, and Liara holding tightly onto her, blue skin nuzzling up against her cheek and brown curls. A few times, she tried to find words, often unable to from how overwhelming everything was. It was on her sixth attempt that she was able to manage a few simple words.

"Thank you, Liara. Thank you…" she spoke, pulling back from the embrace to wipe her face, and it was then that she saw everyone waiting with smiles behind her. "I'm sorry…" she felt the words that came out of her mouth more than she understood them, tearfully brushing past the rest of her guests and moving quickly into her room, locking the door.

She felt like she'd been hit by a ton of bricks, and it was too much for her to process, happy thoughts or not. It had been the first holiday celebration she'd had since that Christmas at Faridah's as a child, but to have it surrounded by her closest friends and family, to have her house resemble a home for both her family and Liara alike, to have the person she cared for deeply to be so transparent in her affection, it was all too much to handle.

 _What did I do to deserve all of this? Them? Her? Christ…_ She thought to herself, letting her emotions run free as she broke into sobs. Shepard sunk down at the side of her bed and, ever so slowly, worked herself into accepting it all. Her heart had never been as full as it had been when Liara had stepped out the door, and it scared her. It terrified her.

But it gave her hope. And that would be enough, in time.


	35. Your Hand in Mine

It had all gone according to plan. They had all spent time gathering plants and flowers, then decorated the home with them, using the plethora of blue lights Heather had ordered last minute from a shop in Greenbank. She had seen Shepard approach from the window in her guest bedroom, she had seen her emotional reaction. _It had all seemed to be the perfect set up. I would place the wreaths over her shoulders, and I would ask her…but she ran off before I could…why?_

And so she moped. There was little else to do, with Heather and Faridah catching up on recent events, while Ashley and her family seemed to be conversing with Tali, which was admittedly nice to see. The marine hadn't been friendly in the past, and it was a relief to know that she was becoming more open to the other galactic species.

 _Perhaps it is because she did not know of Janiris…that she did not know about the festival, what it is meant for…_ she mused, frowning. _It is bad enough that I was left unaware, until today, that there would be a celebration of Shepard and Heather's birthdays._ _Why did this have to fail? I was so close…_ she thought, feeling more than a little frustrated. The hug was tremendously nice, but she wanted more. Perhaps not in front of a crowd half filled with strangers, but at least the promise of more to come.

"Maybe she didn't like it." She felt herself say aloud, as she leaned forward at the dining room table, burying her head in her arms.

"Are you kidding? Of course she did." She heard Heather speak, though she didn't raise her head. Manners were the last thing on her mind at the moment, and she felt she had earned a moment or two of relentless worrying.

"How can you be so sure?" she asked, hoping the woman's answer would make sense of Shepard's reaction.

Liara heard a chair pull up beside her, and a hand gently press on her back. "She was just really overwhelmed, is all. I'll admit that it all didn't go according to plan…but those weren't tears of sadness or pain…I'm not sure I've ever seen her so happy before." Heather spoke, luring Liara's head up from the depths. "She's not used to things like this. Before she met me and Faridah, she'd only ever been given one gift. Hell, Faridah's gift was just letting her know that she could access the city's music archives for free. Even in recent years at our birthdays, we just bake for each other. Small stuff. You compare that with this...it's a big difference. She might just need a little time to absorb it all."

Heather's words made sense; she supposed that if used to tiny trinkets and food for gifts, one could be rather surprised to see something they built, that they loved, be transformed in such a way. "But…she is alone. Will she need distracting?" she asked, thinking back to the woman's previous advice given on the Normandy.

"Probably not. If she's not out in an hour though, I'll send Faridah in." Heather noted, eyes darting over to her and Shepard's old friend, who had joined the discussion in the kitchen with Tali and Ashley's family.

"Why her?" she asked simply, curious as to what reason would be given. She knew Heather was close to Shepard, so was Tali, and she hoped that she herself would be included in such a trusted group.

"They've known each other for a very long time, since Shepard was thirteen. Long enough for them both to have saved each other's lives, even." Heather answered, taking a small tart off of the plate on the table, biting into it.

Liara looked over to the woman in the kitchen, her brows furrowing in confusion. _She is not a soldier…she is…well, a scientist. Without biotics as well._

"I was unaware. It seems that they have some history." She spoke, an inkling of doubt planting itself in her mind. "When did you first meet Shepard?"

"Hah, I was in high school, finishing up my final year. Faridah had invited me and my friend Katie to the pool…Faridah liked to swim and occasionally we'd join her and have some fun. It was early spring, so it was too cold to go to a beach or anything, but we were pretty tired of winter by that point." Heather spoke, smiling as she told the story. "We did what all teenage girls would do, just talked about random things, and eventually Shepard was brought up. I…Faridah was saying that she wanted to date this boy at our school, and I thought they were incompatible. Shepard had, since we'd gotten in the pool, been doing a stupid amount of sprints from end to end, and she looked kind of…toned, fit and small up top, I kind of said that the guy would find her more attractive than someone more curvy like Faridah. I think I called Shepard butch."

Heather took a moment to laugh to herself, Liara wishing she had an appetite for food while she listened, but she still wasn't feeling up to it. She wasn't sure what 'butch' meant either, though the way Heather had said it made her think it was something of a pejorative.

"Which prompted Faridah to valiantly defend Shepard, turning my words back on me and taking a few moments to describe Shep. Which led to a bit of a discussion." Heather continued, smiling. "I wasn't impressed with her… Shepard was being really distant, and I thought it was really rude and mean to do that to Faridah. But I could see that she looked at Shepard differently…there was something there, she was definitely crushing on her. So I convinced her to bring Shep to the party that was happening the next day."

Liara turned and couldn't help but look entirely confused at the woman beside her. "Crushing? I…fear I do not understand." She said, wishing she was more familiar with human idioms.

"Oh…um, well, she really seemed to like Shepard. Sure, she talked about wanting to date that guy, but he never evoked that look from her. Shepard did. I figured that bringing them closer at the party could make her act on her feelings. Inviting Shepard was probably one of the best decisions I've made." Heather spoke, a deep pit forming in Liara's chest at the last sentence. She couldn't help but feel strange about it all; she didn't particularly care to imagine Shepard with anyone else, and her heart agreed. _And Shepard spent hours visiting her when we went to Luna…_

"And…why is that?" she asked, anxious to hear more, hoping it would not bring further doubt.

"There ended up being some pretty bad people at the party…Shepard…well, she managed to take care of them for me." Heather noted, her tone a little darker, Liara noticing the woman's smile was dull, a little fake. "But also because it showed her that she wasn't all so different from the rest of us. She wasn't exactly socialized at that point…I'd argue she's still kind of iffy in some situations too…but then, she didn't know how to act around us 'normals'. That night helped, I think."

Liara sat silent for a moment, mustering up the courage to ask that question that had quickly milled its way into her mind. "Were Shepard and Faridah….were they ever paired?" she asked, shyly turning her gaze away, not entirely certain she wanted to hear the answer.

"Hah, well, I certainly did my best to make it happen. They were inseparable for a few months, the air was electric when they were close." Heather said wistfully, looking over to the kitchen as Tali called out for her. "Seems I've gotta show off the dextro processor to Faridah. Don't worry about Shepard, she'll be fine."

Liara had grown more certain of that, but less certain about her place in Shepard's life. Before the talk, she was rather sure that Shepard only had eyes for her, but her 'old friend' had since complicated that. She begrudgingly reached across the table, grabbed a tart and popped it in her mouth, frowning at the result. _Nothing seems to taste good, not when I'm worrying like this…I just…I really want an answer…and I shouldn't let any of this distract me from what she's said and done with me, but…_

She sat there in the dining room, lost in her thoughts more often than not, regurgitating the same arguments over and over again. It wasn't until she noticed someone moving in the living room, out of the corner of her eye, that she broke from those mental processes. _Shepard…_

The woman looked a bit drained, if she was to be honest, and it still seemed as if the woman was a tempest of raw emotion judging by her expression. Liara immediately moved from the table to the living room, crossing the distance before she realized she didn't know what to say.

It didn't seem to matter, as Shepard pulled her into another hug, this one softer than the last, with less urgency. It was comforting to be in her arms, to breathe in her scent, to feel the woman's hair fur against her cheek and crests, to feel her heart-beat against her own.

"Are you alright?" she asked nervously, trying her best to sound put together, hoping she wasn't failing at remaining composed.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I…I would be happy…honoured to celebrate Janiris with you, Liara." Shepard whispered, as if her words were only ever for her to hear. She felt Shepard take her hand, slowly leading her toward the kitchen, where everyone fell silent; Liara suppressing a frown as the woman let go.

"I'm sorry for running off." Shepard started, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room. "I was just so thrilled with what all of you did. You made my little house a home, and it was just magical to see all the decorations lit up like that, it was an amazing, wonderful surprise. I can't thank you enough for doing this, it means the world to me."

Liara watched Faridah cross the floor, pulling Shepard into a tight hug. "We were very, very happy to do it, little miss teary eyes." The short haired woman said kindly, kissing Shepard on the forehead, which sent a pang of jealousy within Liara. She tried not to think of how vague heather's words were, but found it increasingly difficult. "Heather and Liara barely even had to convince us. We knew you'd be thrilled, and it was a lot of fun."

Shepard wiped her face once more, shaking her head as they separated. "I kind of lost it when I saw my sister's tree all lit up. I don't know how you did it." The woman spoke, her voice sounding a little strained again. Liara kept her feet still, wishing to show her affection in a meaningful way, though not wishing to compromise the situation.

"Tali let us use a copy of Chiktikka while you two were out on that long walk together. Gave us plenty of time to decorate." Heather added happily, looking over at the quarian engineer fondly.

"I can't believe all of you were in on this…thank you all again. Really, it's amazing." Shepard spoke, smiling brightly. "Now, vid marathon, anyone?"

* * *

Shepard sat nestled against the armrest of the couch, intently watching the vidscreen; Blasto had fought his way onto a prison ship called 'Perdition', which was orbiting Kahje in preparation to unleash an experimental weapon that would destroy more than eighty percent of life on the planet. 'Blasto 4: No Retreat No Surrender: Thunder on Kahje' was the newest in the line of films, following up the previous year's human-oriented 'Blasto Saves Christmas', and while it couldn't stand up to the classic original, it was still a very fun mindless romp.

"That turian guard is totally going to double cross Blasto, I just know it." Sarah, Ashley's sister, blurted out as the hanar and turian moved within the ship, weapons ready in case of danger.

Shepard smiled at the prediction, happy that so many series newcomers had lasted so long into the marathon. Ashley's sisters Sarah and Lynn, along with Tali and Liara, hadn't seen the vids before, and Shepard was only too eager to introduce them to the hanar Spectre. _For what it's worth, Liara seems both amused and appalled at the same time, and Tali seems to be enjoying herself. The sisters are too, though Lynn looks pretty much ready to fall asleep._ She thought, knowing Ashley, her mother, Abby, Heather and Faridah had already gone to bed.

"I still can't believe Zakharro, using this ship to transmit a neutron-plasmic radioactive blast…he's insane! What he plans to do is…it's unforgivable!" The turian guard Titus spoke to the Spectre, moving down another corridor.

"Forgiveness is between him and the Enkindlers. It is this one's duty to arrange the meeting." Blasto quipped, the line prompting a groan of disbelief from Liara; Shepard gave a little fist pump over how awesome and cheesy the dialogue was, unable to keep from smiling at the exchange.

Shepard turned to Liara and gave a cheeky grin. "What, Liara? Having a hard time appreciating the quality writing of this fine vid?" she asked playfully to the asari on the couch adjacent to her own. She'd initially wanted to sit next to her, but Ashley's sisters had quickly taken the empty spaces, so she had been relegated to sit by Tali. _Certainly not a bad partner in crime for a marathon like this, but it would have been nice to be able to snuggle with Liara…_

"Shepard I am astounded at how violent this vid is, and how poor its writing is, and yet…and yet I cannot help but find it entertaining. By all standards, I should not be enjoying this." The asari answered, still amusingly flustered. Shepard understood, Blasto had seemed to be a poor idea before she'd actually seen the first vid, but in practice it was so bad that it was good, and that sort of vid was a rare gem in their time.

"Shhh! A good part's coming up!" she whispered animatedly with a grin as she watched the vid-screen, Blasto descending into a pit of prisoners, Zakharro standing on a far-off platform. The hanar slowly moved through the crowd, his turian companion further back in the room cornered by a few thugs. The Spectre halted further through the room, a mob of prisoners surrounding him as Zakharro clapped.

"Blasto, so nice of you to join us in celebration. You're just in time to witness your stupid jellyfish homeworld be reduced to a nuclear wasteland." The villain spoke, his tone so entirely over the top and cheesy that Shepard had to suppress a laugh. "Do you think the council will finally respect me then? What do you predict for me, Spectre?"

"This one predicts pain." The hanar spoke, raising all of his weapons, most aimed at the crowd surrounding him, but his trusty Carnifex pointed right at Zakharro.

The villain gave off a laugh, one growing in intensity for a few moments before the turian went stone-faced. "I think you are mistaken, Blasto. I wasn't asking about your fate. We have you trapped here, at our mercy." The villain spoke icily.

"None of you seem to comprehend. This one is not imprisoned here with you. It is you that are imprisoned with this one." Blasto quipped, his weapons firing off in a storm of bullets as he dodged his enemies' gunfire, swiftly maneuvering around the room and using his spare tentacles to toss nearby inmates. Shepard was sure she heard Liara say 'Goddess' for what must have been the hundredth time that night, though Sarah's cheering drowned out any certainty she had.

"Blasto! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to fucking cook you, and then I'm going to fucking eat you, you stupid jellyfish!" Zakharro yelled from his balcony at Blasto, who was tearing through the turian's minions, and then quickly escaped out of scene.

The carnage was ludicrous, more than a few straight minutes of brutally violent fight scenes and comical quips. In the end, Blasto stood amongst the corpses of the inmates, his turian companion edging closer to him.

"Blasto…you're bleeding, man." Titus remarked, not receiving any physical reaction from the hanar, who seemed to be oozing fluid.

"This one doesn't have time to bleed." Blasto quipped, his cue to start chasing down Zakharro.

She felt Tali's arm nudge her, gaining her attention quickly. "Shepard…this is glorious! Terrible…but glorious!" the quarian exclaimed. "It is like the plays some quarians would put on during our annual festival, but…well, a lot more violent. And the writing is tackier, of course."

"So this hasn't been a mistake?" Shepard asked slyly, the quarian shaking her head animatedly.

"I…was skeptical, but this whole thing has just…what did you say early? That it would 'grow on me'? It has." Tali explained cheerfully.

"And you said some eight year old introduced you to those vids, Shepard? Kid must be hardcore!" Sarah exclaimed, her eyes locked on the screen as Blasto finally caught up with Zakharro. "Shepard, are all Spectres this awesome?"

Shepard let out a laugh, and then another. She didn't have the heart to tell the girl she really didn't know any others aside from Nihlus, who was a serious creeper before he died, and Saren, who got kicked out for plotting to destroy all galactic life.

"I suppose I will vouch for her awesomeness, Sarah. On more than one occasion, I have been in awe of her while in the heat of battle." Liara spoke up, her words bringing a fierce blush to Shepard's cheeks. She did her best to hide them by turning to face the screen again, but she'd caught the sly smirk on the asari's face out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm pretty sure Tali's got me beat, finishing that krogan battlemaster off, and all." Shepard said offhandedly, pulling Sarah's attention from her to Tali for much of the duration of the rest of the vid. She liked putting her favourite quarian in the spotlight, though that night it was equally as much from pride as a wish to just not be the centre of attention. Well, at least with the possible exception of one lovely person.

The group made it through the last of the newest Blasto and the first third of Dark Goddess, screened again because neither Shepard nor Liara finished it, before Sarah dragged Lynn off to bed with her. It only took another twenty minutes for her to find Tali's feet lightly kicking as the quarian slept, Liara quite asleep herself.

Well, I can't say that marathon was anything less than great. Shepard thought to herself, turning the vid off once its credits rolled. _Though I doubt I'll be able to rope Liara into watching that vid for a third time…not sure we'd be able to get through it, to be honest. Something would probably happen midway to either interrupt it, or someone would fall asleep. I guess this means movie marathon afternoons would probably be easier…_

She quietly slid off the couch, grabbing her sleeping clothes and moving to the washroom as an idea formed in her head. _Temperature's not bad tonight…water shouldn't be too cold…_ she mused, grabbing a towel before tip-toeing through the house, first turning the living room lights off before sneaking out the kitchen door.

The air was crisp, but not particularly cool; Shepard wasn't surprised, the cool days of Amaterasu's spring never lasted long before shifting into the warmer seasons. The water, she knew, never had long enough to cool down to the point where it was unreasonable, and the light fog the lake emitted on nights like that only served to mesmerize her.

The path was a bit of a trek, but she'd marked it with stepping stones, smooth on the feet and more or less tools to keep wet feet from getting too muddy on the way back. Some of the stones had come unseated from where she'd placed them, the fault of the cooler temperatures no doubt, and they made a slight 'thunk' as the off-balance slabs shifted under her weight.

As she reached the small lake's edge, she had a good stretch, enjoying how the moon hung in the clear night sky. The satellite wasn't all that large, resulting in a strange effect where most bodies of water pooled near the poles, leaving the equator a barren, dry, uninhabitable wasteland. Not that it mattered to Shepard, as most of the planet was more than habitable, and she liked where she'd ended up. With so much water everywhere, and so much lush scenery, she didn't see herself leaving Amaterasu for much of anywhere, especially with the nice climate. She just wished the town would clear her request for developing a few metres of the lake's edge, so she could set up hammocks. Spending time by the tree was great, but sometimes she just liked resting by the lakeside, and it was always annoying having to haul a chair out there.

Shepard spotted her usual rock and placed her towel onto it, and her change of clothes to the side, before removing what she had on. In all of her spare time before the mission to find Saren, she'd gotten used to swimming as she had when she was a child. That she often had the privacy to do so without any raised eyebrows was simply a bonus.

The water was merely cool, if anything, as she stepped into the water, slowly wading further in until her feet were a few inches from the bottom. _Nice to be back in the water again…makes me wish the Normandy was big enough for a pool. Or that I was allowed to swim on the pools in the presidium. I hear Kithoi ward has a beach…though I'm sure it'd be too busy for me…_ she thought, smirking to herself. _Funny…I can take a busy home…I revel in it…but put me in water, and I tend to just want to be a little more isolated._

She'd enjoyed the company that night, Ashley's family cooking them all a tasty fish dinner, a local species called the Epping Trout, which was fabulous alongside the roasted potatoes and greens served with it. _Heck, cleaning duty was worth it…I love making food, but sometimes it's nice to kick back and relax._ She thought, having enjoyed the playful banter throughout the kitchen earlier. _They seem like a great family. Ash must be so proud of them, and I know they're proud of her. Especially Sarah, those two are so close._

In truth, she wished she had what they had. _Not that I feel that what I have is worse, but…when this chase is over, Tali's going to leave. Liara's going to leave. Garrus is going to leave. Wrex will too. Hell, the Alliance might decide that I can't have the Normandy anymore, and I'll lose Heather, Ash, Joker…everyone…_ Shepard mused, wading around in the water, enjoying the faint chirping of birds. _She at least has somewhere to come home to. If this is my home…it's just me and the ghost of my dead sister. What do I come home to when this is all over? I mean, Ash's sisters all live on the colony, even if they're not always in the same house, but if Tali's off in the migrant fleet, wherever that is, and Liara's off in Thessia, Garrus back on the Citadel with Wrex, Faridah on the moon…_

Shepard slipped into a casual backstroke, closing her eyes. _Eh, I'm just moping. Family is family, doesn't matter how far away they are. I just…I know I'll miss this, because chances are I won't have this opportunity again. So what the heck do I do? What happens when this damn chase is over and I still have to keep the damn galaxy safe? Hell, IF we catch Saren at all, that is…_

Feeling a little annoyed with herself, she kicked her legs up, propelling her down into the depths of the lake, quite dark that night despite the moonlight. _I just…I want Tali to be happy and return to her people with proof that she's the best damn engineer they could ask for. I want Garrus to return to C-Sec, knowing that the balance between the law and justice is difficult, but worth striving for. I want Ash to know she's made her family so proud, not just because of who she is as a person and how she's grown, but because she's worked for every inch of success that's come her way. I want Wrex to realize that his people aren't totally lost, they're just astray. He's a damn smart krogan, and even if we have our differences, he'd be good for them. I want …ah, fuck it._

Shepard came up for air, taking a deep gulp as the far off mountainous shoreline came into view. _I want Liara to have her mother back. I'd love to see her and her mother enjoy time together, celebrate Janiris, make up for all the time that was robbed from them…_ she mused, flipping her wet hair out of her face. _I want all these things for all of them…but what do I want for me? I don't want to be selfish, but…_ Her thought processes stopped as she turned to wade back toward her own shoreline, spotting Liara standing on the path by the rock with her towel and clothes.

"What are you doing?" she heard Liara call from shore, a curious expression on her face as Shepard made her way closer.

"Taking a late night swim." She answered simply and cheerfully, cocking her head to the side with a smile. "Care to join?"

Shepard couldn't help but love how the asari's gown looked in the moonlight, the purples and reds shifting hues with each slight movement; the silken material wrapped itself around her torso and arms majestically, as if it were crafted specifically for Liara's body, which Shepard assumed it was. The numerous layers of thin fabric flowed loosely across her lower half as Liara slowly moved further down the path a few steps.

"I…am afraid I must decline. I have no swimming clothes available, and if I have learned anything of human customs, it is that the vast majority of you prefer coverings." Liara noted, looking regretful as she cast a glance down at her dress.

Shepard bit her lip, smiling as she swam close enough to the shore that her feet touched the ground. Her legs slowly carried her up the sandy, rocky lake floor, her body revealing itself as she emerged from the lake. "I'm not most humans, Liara." She said in her best saucy tone, enjoying the attention Liara was giving her. Shepard stopped as the water came flush against her hips, and from the deep blush on the asari's cheeks, still visible even under the dim moonlight, she had a good idea that Liara may have wanted her to leave the water entirely. She endured the cool night air as Liara hopefully worked on making a decision, and took a moment to tuck a long curly strand of hair behind her ear.

"No…No, Shepard. You are not." Liara finally spoke, smiling shyly as she pushed one of the gown's straps off her shoulders, enough for Shepard to get the signal to turn around and give her privacy, and perhaps a look at what she was getting into. _I still can't be sure how she felt about my scars but…she's still been interested, so…_

It didn't take long to hear tiny splashes of water as Liara's feet dipped into the lake, prompting Shepard to dive further in, hoping Liara would wade in after her. She wasn't disappointed to hear a larger splash soon after, though when she came up for air and looked back, the asari was gone. _Now where could she…_ she thought, before a splash to her left grabbed her attention, Liara erupting from the water.

Shepard turned to face her and waded closer, both curious about what Liara was doing out there, and also wanting to get a better look. Liara had always been able to take her breath away with her beauty, but the light seemed to be catching her differently that night. _Maybe it's just that she's blue…and it's night time and everything's kind of blueish, and…hell, her skin…you know, I've never really noticed how different it is from mine, but…it's like she's shining right now…_

"This lake is wonderful, I cannot believe how warm it is! I thought it would have been much cooler." Liara spoke, smiling at the surroundings before turning to Shepard. "Do you ever take Faridah out here?"

Shepard cocked her head to the side, wondering what exactly brought along that train of thought. "Yeah, a few times, though we don't really get to spend time together all that often anymore." She answered, wishing she could turn the asari's growing frown into a smile. She knew it wasn't a bad thing that Faridah was busier, she had her own life. She was doing great.

"I apologize…it must be difficult for you." Liara noted, looking a little downcast. Shepard couldn't help but be confused at the shift in atmosphere between the two in the past minute or so, and was determined to work through it.

"Liara, I joined the military to make sure she was able to live her own life safely and peacefully. I'm not about to feel bad that Faridah's doing great and is as happy as she is. That's what I wanted for her…if she was spending more time around me, I'd be worried. That she's not… it puts me at ease." Shepard replied, drawing a delayed thoughtful nod from the asari.

Liara opened her mouth to speak, no words coming for a moment, as her gaze shifted to the shoreline. "It is just that…Heather said that you two were together once, and you have professed on a number of occasions how devoted you are to her, you have said she is the closest friend of yours…and you visited her on Luna…" Liara spoke, appearing quite confused, enough for Shepard to interrupt her. She had an idea what Heather had told her, and she felt she had to correct it.

"Liara, trust me…Heather may have been exaggerating a little bit. We've been close friends for a long time, yeah, but while there was a brief time when we might have had feelings for each other…hell, I know I did…it never amounted to anything. We never even dated. Our time 'together', if you can call it that, was a five or ten minute span of time in a pool at Heather's parents' place when I was a teenager. I care about Faridah a lot…she's my oldest friend, of course I'm devoted to her. But if Heather made you think, for whatever reason, that we had been 'together', in any meaningful way, that's just her imagination playing tricks on her. First and last time I actually dated was about five years ago." She said calmly and quietly. She still liked thinking back to her time together as kids with Faridah, there were plenty of good memories, even though the times were rather hard.

"What happened then?" Liara prodded, wading closer, clearly interested as usual in her history.

Shepard let out a hard laugh, letting old emotions riase to the surface for a few fractions of a second, before stilling her mind, trying to prevent the impact that the woman had on her in the past from overwhelming her there in the lake. "Her name was Lee Riley. I met her in the N program, when I was training for N7 status. After the first trial or two, we were the only girls left, and we started spending more time around each other. We'd eat lunch together, dinner too…we'd share tactics and jokes…and eventually we kind of started flirting. By N5, we were spending all our bunk time together, keeping each other company and…well, more, I guess." Shepard said pausing to collect her thoughts on how venomous she wanted to portray the woman. _She…damn it, she's not worth the effort, not worth that kind of importance…_

Noticing the asari nearby looking at her expectantly, she simply continued to spin the tale."I thought I was in love, but it turns out she was probably just using me to get N7 status. I was always kind of hauling her around, keeping her safe, spotting targets, that kind of stuff. Word of advice, don't bring her up with Heather." She added, drawing a quick nod from the asari. "Anyway, we finished the program, spent a day together before we were assigned elsewhere. We met up a little while later, and I was hoping to keep things going. I…well, I'd had this little physical hang-up and I had needed some time to get over it, and because I was so love drunk, I didn't see she was clearly manipulating me to get what she wanted from me, intimately. When I confronted her about it, she said some things and tossed me out and I was pretty messed up for about a year. I thought I knew her, I thought I understood her, but it was all a lie."

"Goddess…Shepard…I had no idea. She should not have behaved that way, she….it was cruel of her." Liara said, frowning, the intensity in her eyes growing as Shepard re-arranged her hair, some wet strands having fallen across her face. "Is that who you were talking to me about a while before Noveria?"

"Yeah, she was the one. It's kind of embarrassing how much of an impact she had on me…I've only ever been ashamed of my body for two relatively short periods of my life, but both were really hard. Even today, I'm pretty comfortable, but if someone looks at me the wrong way when I'm exposed, I can't help but feel a little…inferior, I guess. Even when I'm covered up…it's tough sometimes. She's kind of why I don't jump into relationships easily." Shepard said with as honest a smile as she could muster, though the regret over her own past unwillingness to open up because of Lee was still more than a little aggravating.

"Thank you for sharing that with me I…I was simply curious…your reaction today when you came home with Tali…you said that you were sorry…" Liara spoke, gathering her thoughts as she was speaking them, it seemed.

Shepard waded a little closer, getting within a foot or two. "I still feel guilty about that. It was just…it was so amazingly wonderful, but…" Shepard wished her voice hadn't trailed off, but she couldn't find the words to explain it. Not with Liara's space-magic eyes boring into her soul.

"But…" Liara said, clearly hoping she would elaborate. Shepard gulped back her worries and nerves and decided to air it out.

"Shiala shared a memory with me a while back…after you were shot on Binthu. It was her first time watching over you during Janiris…it was a really nice memory." She said, the imported memory still fresh in her mind. "I saw those decorations, and I couldn't help but think of the fact that you have centuries left to live. I was so happy to see all the effort and love you all put into the home, but…Liara, at the back of my mind I couldn't help but feel that I nearly stole numerous human lifetimes' worth of good memories from you and your mother. And that here I was, having an amazing one while the most important person in your life was missing out. That was hard."

Liara further closed the distance, resting both of her hands on Shepard's shoulders. "Shepard…you may have saved her. Even if she hadn't died, and had gotten away, she would have been lost. Tevos will ensure my mother will return…I will ensure it. We have this opportunity because of you." The asari said softly, her eyes uncomfortably piercing Shepard's, forcing her to look away.

"Look, I get that, but…if she doesn't make it…if she isn't cured…the last memory you'll have of her conscious is me beating it out of her, and that's horrible." Shepard reasoned, hoping Liara would understand. She knew they'd discussed it before, but it still ate at her.

"Shepard." She heard the asari speak, before repeating herself with a slightly firmer tone, drawing her attention back reluctantly. "Shepard. That may have been difficult to watch, but watching her die would be worse. We have hope now. She will return to us."

Liara let go of Shepard, wading effortlessly to circle her. "Do you know why Janiris is celebrated, Shepard?" Liara asked, running a hand through Shepard's curls as she passed. "It marks the start of a new year, of new life. You have given my mother this, I am not…cannot be upset with you over that. I am thankful to you, and if you need to hear it from my lips…I forgive you."

Shepard decided to rotate, keeping Liara in her sights as the asari gracefully glided through the water. "Thank you. I…I'm not sure it'll be that easy to get it all out of my mind, but it'll help." Shepard spoke shyly, feeling utterly comfortable talking to Liara, even if looking at her posed a significant distraction. "I just…I always try to focus on what I can do as long as I'm around. Seeing a challenge like solving indoctrination…that seems like it could take a while, is all, and I get to worrying."

Liara's pace slowed as her expression shifted to confusion. "You're leaving for somewhere?" the asari asked, picking up her pace again.

"I'm not going to live forever, Liara. I'm already a human, with low life expectancy. A third eezo exposure could kill me quickly. I could die on any mission in the foreseeable future, and perhaps even outside of that. I've already escaped death a lot in my life. It'll happen. I just want to do as much good as I can, while I can." She elaborated, drawing a frown from the asari. "Hey, look, I'd love to live a good long life. I want to enjoy life while it lasts, too…I just wish I knew I had more time, is all."

"Shepard, you are still young. In the context of either of our species, you are young. You have more time than you probably think you do, missions or not. There is still plenty left in life to experience, to enjoy." Liara spoke softly, though firmly enough to let Shepard know that such negativity wouldn't be tolerated. _And for good reason…I mean…there are appropriate times to be negative….tonight is not one of them…_

"I know, I just…this Saren thing has shown me there's still so much I want to experience, and now I'm actually worried about time and everything. It might be limited, if Saren does what he's planning." She noted, interrupting Liara as the asari opened her mouth. "But we'll stop him. We have to. I wouldn't be able to do it alone, Liara…I'm glad you're here with me."

Shepard expected a response of some sort. A smile, a nod, a sentence or two; anything to acknowledge her words. Liara instead just kept swimming, her eyes having moved their focus to the area of water between them. After at least a minute of simply waiting and watching Liara swim circles around her, Shepard waded to intercept, slowing Liara to a halt. "Liara, are you alright?" she asked, feeling a little worried. Normally the asari was quite responsive, not so distant.

"I…well, it is getting much colder out. Perhaps we should head inside." Liara noted, a hint of blush arriving in her cheeks.

She just nodded, hoping she hadn't overstepped some boundary or said something that made Liara uncomfortable. Shepard knew she had a tendency to freely talk about some rather negative things, she didn't quite like hiding it all away from those she trusted. She didn't ever want to be dishonest or hide her thoughts or feelings from the people she cared about, though she was feeling the urge at that moment.

Shepard made her way to the shoreline first, in time to gather the towel and hand it to Liara. She turned her back, quietly humming some tune that she couldn't recall the name of as her nerves took over. _Liara is like…a foot away…is she looking at me? Is…is she not interested in me anymore? Was she at all?_ She mused, before internally correcting herself for such a terrible train of thought. _Shush, Shepard just…see this through and try not to worry…it's been a good night…make sure it stays that way…_

She soon felt the towel be lightly hung over her shoulder, perhaps a slight lingering finger of the asari trailing down her spine for a purposeful second, perhaps an accident. Deciding to take motivation where she could find it, Shepard silently dried herself off slowly, first bending over and drying her legs and feet, working her way up from there, not once peering behind at her guest. It was an odd feeling for her to mentally digest; for years, she had become insecure over her body once more, but she felt comfortable around Liara. She'd noticed her staring at her during the sparring session, after stepping out of the shower that one night, and on a few other occasions since. The confidence she drew from the asari's behaviour just made her more accepting of her body, flaws and all, and she didn't mind putting on a small show for her in thanks. Although she put her clothes back on regular speed, because she didn't really see much appeal in slowing that down.

When she turned around with her best innocent smile, she swore Liara's face had never been more purple, though the asari was turned away at the time, breathing perhaps a little heavier as Shepard led the way back. At times, she could have sworn that Liara was directly behind her, feeling a sort of warmth against her exposed shoulders, but when they reached the kitchen doors, the doctor was a few paces back, politely nodding her thanks as Shepard held the door for her.

"So, heading to bed now?" she asked Liara, who yawned as she stopped by the island. _Please no, please no, please no…_

"I…am still quite awake. I will likely still be for some time, I suppose. I had been hoping that a late night walk would allow me the opportunity." Liara explained, sitting down at the small piece of counter space.

Shepard smiled and gave a quiet laugh. "Yeah, that swim was supposed to do the same for me. Seems like it's one of those nights." She noted quietly. "Just gonna toss these in the hamper, I'll be right back."

She tip-toed her way through the dining room and foyer to the storage room, quickly disposing the towel and her old clothes into the laundry hamper, grabbing a blanket as she headed back. She returned to the dimly lit kitchen, silently offering Liara the blanket, which was accepted with a smile, before moving over toward the fridge. Her hands found the container she was looking for, and quickly found a pot to empty the contents into. Shepard lastly activated the burner and turned back toward Liara, who was looking at her with an amused smile.

"What are you busying yourself with at this time of night, exactly?" Liara asked curiously, trying to peer over Shepard's shoulder.

"At this time of night, in these temperatures, there's only one thing I can put on the stove to busy myself with. Hot chocolate." Shepard noted cheerfully, seeing the asari's eyes brighten.

"Chocolate?" Liara asked, wide eyed, frozen in place at the table.

"Yep. A nice little mixture of milk, cocoa, a bit of both dark and milk chocolate, and with a bit of cinnamon. And perhaps if you're lucky, I'll add marshmallows. Wish it was fresh, but it would take longer and it's cool in here." Shepard explained, a smile widening on Liara's face.

"That sounds wonderful." The asari said, clutching the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

Shepard looked from the stove to the island and the vacant seat across from her person of interest. _Patience, it'll be ready soon enough…_ she thought, gently tugging her tank top down that had somehow rode upward slightly. "It'll at least help us warm up." She spoke, drawing a thankful nod from the asari. Truth be told, she was hoping for the distant possibility that Liara would bring up another way to keep warm. Shepard had never felt too comfortable bringing up the subject, having generally only been rejected in her past. She knew that Liara had some interest in her, but didn't want to approach that in a way which put the asari off or jeopardize that interest.

"Shepard, may I ask you a question?" Liara asked, drawing an immediate nod from Shepard. Liara swallowed hard and took a moderately deep breath before continuing, the asari's nervousness quickly rubbing off on her. "I'm curious…human relationships are more monogamous and strictly committed, and generally where…well, sensual touching only tends to happen between such intimate partners. I know you may have been nervous around the consort, but you didn't turn away her touch."

Shepard glanced back at the stove's timer, knowing she'd eventually have to keep an eye on the liquid magic that was heating up. Shepard let out a sigh and shrugged, unsure exactly if she could provide a reasonable answer. "I didn't turn her away, no. There were times where I wanted to, but just couldn't find it in myself to do so. I've had weak moments, and some were tied to how I was treated by Lee. I know you asari live for centuries, but for humans, a few years can be considered a long time to go without intimacy in any form. I had gone a long time without anything sincere. I was weak, but it didn't mean I had any feelings for the consort, and she certainly didn't have any for me. I just needed guidance, and she gave me it, even if its vessel was a bit…confusing and hard to understand at first." She rambled, stirring the mixture, smiling at the delicious aroma that wafted through her nose. Deciding it was done, she took it off the heat and poured two large mugs with it, plopping in a few marshmallows for good taste.

Liara's attention shifted a little from her to the wonderfully aromatic beverage she carried over to the table. "Thank you, this smells delicious." Liara noted with a smile of her own as she accepted a mug, a wordless hum of satisfaction emanating from her as she sipped the hot chocolate.

"You and Sha'ira really helped me though all of that. I needed that, I never wanted to treat a friend, or to see a friend in such a shallow way just because I, for some stupid reason, linked that asari myth and Sha'ira's touch to the thought that all asari could and would do that… which pretty much conflicted with my own little personal hang-ups, and I got pretty skittish. You deserved better than that, you deserved to be known for who you are, and I just…I don't know. I'm just really happy it all turned out." She finished, taking a sip of the hot, velvety smooth drink, letting the marshmallow be caught by her tongue as a bit of delicious debris, before swallowing it too. As she returned her cup to the table, Liara's hand stretched out, her fingertips gently making contact with Shepard's, still clinging to the cup.

"I am sorry for all of these intrusive questions. I…fear at times that I get nervous and return to what Heather has called 'scientist mode'. I apologize." Liara spoke, looking a little remorseful, her head lowering slightly.

"It's alright, Liara, I trust you. You can ask me anything." She spoke softly, smiling warmly as she gazed into those brilliant blue eyes, hoping to reassure her.

Liara instead turned her gaze away to the nearby window, looking out at Melody's tree for a number of minutes, each passing silently. Shepard found herself nervously sipping away at her hot chocolate, even the warm tinge of cinnamon unable to soothe her growing anxiety. She wasn't quite sure what questions were popping up in Liara's mind, and she could only hope it would be one she could answer. After another minute of silence, Shepard got up again to pour herself another refill of hot chocolate, and heard the asari stumble off her own stool shortly after. She froze in place, turning her head to look at the blushing, clearly anxious asari. Shepard wasn't sure she'd ever seen eyes so blue as in that moment, and nearly dropped her mug, all of her attention on the asari before her.

"I…I know it has been sudden, only a few months, but in the past weeks…I have sensed us growing closer. And this vacation away from the madness has only reinforced what I feel…Goddess, you once told me that I was only here to help free my mother, and that I would be gone afterward." Liara started, her voice shaking. Shepard went to speak, but the asari held up a hand, offering a kind smile that quickly shut her up. "I may have felt that at the start, but not when you said it then, and I know you didn't mean it then either. I just didn't know how to put it into words. When I argued with you that night, I had been so worried for your health. Not because you were leading the mission, not just because I couldn't find my mother without you, not because you had prothean memories in your brain…but because you were you, and that was important enough to put all my other worries aside."

Liara took a few slow, trembling steps forward, Shepard turning to meet her. She wasn't sure when she had put the mug on the kitchen counter, but her hands were free, able to lightly grasp Liara's own, intercepting them as she went to speak again.

"Shepard…I feel a connection between us. Do…do you?" Liara asked shyly, her anxiety billowing out across her facial expression as her final words came out.

Shepard couldn't help but take a moment to bask in the moment of confirmation. She wanted to speak to the fact that as a commander, her duty was to be this template of a resolute, certain woman who leads all of her crew equally, friend or stranger. That she had to be a brave, moral figure for others to follow and that she strives to be that, in a way, because making a difference in the galaxy mattered to her. She wanted to bring up her woeful inexperience in relationships, how clumsy she knew herself to be in regards to intimacy, and how consistently uncertain she felt in such situations. Mostly, she wanted to say how drawn to Liara that she'd been in past weeks, that the asari had brought up a plethora of new thoughts she'd had difficulty wrapping her mind around, and how she'd need Liara's help with that.

But she saw Liara growing considerably more anxious and uncertain, and knew that she had to do or say something soon, or she could end up tormenting the lovely asari in front of her. It didn't take long for her to realize that merely kissing Liara's hand wasn't enough; quickly, she let go of those soft blue hands, her own cupping Liara's blushing purple cheeks softly, her fingers lightly grasping the folds at the back of her neck.

The asari's unsteady breath washed hotly against her face as they both drew near, Liara's arms wrapping themselves around Shepard's waist and holding both of their bodies snugly against each other. Liara leaned in first, Shepard gladly matching her approach, their lips nervously glancing, the touch enough to elicit a slight gasp from her throat. Her half-lidded eyes caught sight of Liara's lips curling up slightly before their lips met each other gently, the kiss soft and tender as she had dreamed it would be. As she reluctantly pulled back, she couldn't help but smile, feeling as if the blood flowing through her body were made of a physical manifestation of excitement. "Yes." Shepard whispered, lovingly stroking Liara's cheek before backing away until her spine touched her counter, Liara slowly walking after her.

"Pardon my potential narcissism, though, but what the heck is a gorgeous, noble asari like yourself doing coming after a poor, worn out orphan like me?" she asked, blindly grabbing a refill and taking a sip.

"Am I chasing you still? Do I not have you tangled in my web by now?" Liara asked playfully, moving within a foot of Shepard, the look in her eyes a little too intense for her to look away from.

"Liara…spiders and intimacy…not the best pairing." She noted with amusement, taking another sip, too elated from the kiss to really think or focus too hard on anything.

Liara seemed to shift gears a little, turning down the sauciness, though her eyes remained just as intense as she took another step forward. "It is clear as day you are not a human noble…but you have a noble heart that you allow to shine brightly through."

"Flatterer. Is that how you wooed all of the other maidens back in University?" Shepard asked a little playfully, Liara immediately growing flustered at the assertion, confusedly blurting out random syllables as words failed her. "You say these sweet words and work your way into their heart?" she added, hoping to steady the asari's mind, thinking that perhaps what she said was taken the wrong way initially.

"Shepard, I…Goddess, I was not exactly the most popular person in University, and I certainly kept to myself more often than not. I could hardly imagine developing anything with most of them. I meant what I said Shepard." Liara noted exasperatedly, appearing a little lost. Feeling she may have made light of the asari's words, she held out her hand. Liara didn't delay in taking the offer, allowing Shepard to pull the hand to her lips, kissing her knuckles.

"I know Liara. You've been honest with me, patient with me, even when you had no reason to. You've been there for me, and I spent weeks trying to foolishly pretend that my heart didn't beat faster when you were around, that I didn't melt at your words, that I wasn't in awe of your intelligence, that I didn't go weak in the knees from your touch. That I didn't find happiness and strength just by looking into your eyes." Shepard said reverently, kissing Liara's hand once more before letting it go. "I don't know how this will work out, but I want it to. I want to be with you, Liara T'Soni."

Deciding she had entirely exhausted her ability to use words, and was still too hazy to do much else but show affection, she closed the distance, turning Liara's head with a hand and giving her a soft peck on the cheek. _I can get used to this…_ she thought cheerfully, moving past the asari to the table to grab Liara's surprisingly empty mug, before moving over to the kitchen sink.

Shepard turned on the water, filling the sink partway so as to wash the dishes, but also to see if Liara was true to her choice of words. 'Chase' seemed like a fairly literal word to Shepard, and now with formalities out of the way, she wondered if the asari would indeed act on such aggressive words. To add a little spice to the game, she tossed her hair up in a messy bun, showing off her neck a little, while visually committing to the task before her. She knew there were better, more efficient ways to clean the dishes, but she felt this would add a little fun and play on Liara's patience a little. As she added soap, Shepard sneaked a peek over her shoulder, Liara a few paces away, blatantly staring at her with more than a little bit of intense longing. She quickly turned her focus back to the dishes and smiled to herself, wondering when Liara would take her bait.

After probably a minute of scrubbing, Shepard's hand reached for a plate, not quite crossing the distance before she felt her bun be unceremoniously untied, her hair tumbling down loosely, blocking most of her peripherals. Shepard spotted Liara's hands lower on either side of her, pressing hard against the counter in front of her, the asari's breath hot against her neck. _I suppose I'm trapped in…_ she mused, her smile growing as she pondered over her situation. _Let's see where this goes…_

Shepard's hands went to work, scrubbing the dish clean and rinsing it. As she released the plate onto the rack, Liara's hand swiftly caught her wrist; the asari's other grabbing the remaining free hand as well, before wrapping both sets of arms in front of Shepard's waist. Liara slowly increased the pressure, pulling Shepard's body closer against her, the heat radiating from the asari a pleasant and comforting sensation.

She felt her hair part near her right ear, Liara's breath hot against her cheek as the asari leaned in. Shepard could tell her lips were mere millimeters from her ear, and had to stifle a request for Liara to do terribly wonderful things to it, biting down hard on her lip to maintain her focus.

"I have been waiting to make up for my mistake, that night when you showed me Torfan." Liara whispered, her words turning Shepard's legs to rubber, though Liara immediately compensated, holding her in place. "I was a fool then, and…and you have earned the right to a request." The asari finished, stumbling slightly, but her delivery made Shepard feel that she was being lured by a succubus. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, like a trapped animal trying to escape by ramming itself against the walls of its cage. Her breaths shuddered out unsteadily, gasping as Liara's hips pressed against her own.

"You can ask me anything, Shepard." Liara purred, planting a kiss over her sensitive scar, sending a jolt of pleasure rushing through her body. "Anything." The asari reiterated, feverishly nipping at Shepard's neck before she could recover. All that she could manage was a breathy moan of sheer pleasure, her entire body feeling like an erogenous zone as Liara continued kissing and nipping away.

She felt another moan slip out, alongside a devious giggle from her captor. "Shepard, that wasn't a word. You must concentrate." Liara whispered, letting go of Shepard's arms, which simply flopped to her side, as blue hands sought out more interesting targets, one finding a hunting ground under the tank top, slowly creeping upward.

Shepard knew she wanted her more than anything. Her body felt like it was on fire, and she wasn't sure that she could wait much longer before she'd yell out for Liara to just take her then and there.

"God, Liara, I want you…" she spoke, receiving a hum of amusement from the asari, who turned Shepard's face a little in order to kiss the corner of her lips, once again reducing Shepard to a shuddering mess. She fought her body to stay upright, flipping around to face Liara, only for the asari to lift Shepard onto the countertop and bury her face into the commander's neck, her skillful blue hands exploring the small of her back. That Liara didn't hesitate, didn't flinch as her fingers and palms weaved their magic across her network of scars, only made Shepard want her more.

Shepard's hands found themselves playing with the folds on Liara's neck, apparently sensitive from the muffled moans voiced against her neck and collarbone. As she felt Liara's head slowly venture south, she heard a door shut off in the distance. She wasn't sure which door, or who was around, but she quickly moved her hands and held Liara's head still, panting out what she hoped sounded like a 'shush'.

Both remained still and silent as footsteps became audible, someone moving near the foyer, before another door shut, presumably the washroom. Liara slowly, reluctantly put distance between them as Shepard sat there breathing heavily and doing her best not to make any noise, her heart still racing, her body still yearning for contact. _Christ, I can only imagine how red and purple my neck's going to be tomorrow…_ she thought, biting her lip lightly as a smile curled at her lips, earning an amused expression from the asari.

After two sets of doors shut again, and the footsteps were gone, Shepard let out a light laugh. "And that, Liara, was what I was trying to tell you while you were busy dining out on my neck." Shepard said quietly, a giddy smile still present on her face.

"Then why did you…oh." Liara started, flustered at first before realizing Shepard was just joking. "I suppose it would have been poor form if someone came into the kitchen for a late night snack."

"I'd have to turn them away, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have any neck left if anyone else joined in. Not that you'd let them, of course." She noted playfully, Liara rolling her eyes at the mere notion.

"But Shepard…" Liara started, blushing furiously. "You…did like that right? I mean…I…I noticed that you seemed to enjoy that sort of tone during our time in Port Hanshan, and…well, the resources Heather gave me weeks ago helped me understand, but I was unsure, and…"

Shepard hopped off the counter, slinking over to Liara, wrapping her arms around the asari's neck and pulling her into a tender kiss, hoping her answer would be as clear as the emotions coursing through her body. Liara had made her experience something she never had, each heartbeat pumping more excitement, more passion, more of that scary four letter word she'd long since written off as a possibility. It had been a while since she'd come to terms with how hard she had fallen for the prothean expert, but now that she was free to fully live that reality, to have it reciprocated and be able to be affectionate, she wasn't sure what would come next. She just wanted terribly to reassure Liara, to show that she wasn't about to take her for granted. As their lips hesitantly parted, Shepard leaned her forehead against Liara's, opening her eyes to find those wonderful blue orbs looking back at her. "You have nothing to worry about. I…kinda really like it." Shepard said, chewing her lip nervously. "But I suppose there's a time and place for that around here, and…while you are so incredibly good at it…maybe it's not the best foot to start our relationship off on. You're so much more than just that role to me…you, Doctor Liara T'Soni, archaeologist with a specialization in prothean architecture, lover of chocolate and overworking her curious mind…you are all I desire."

Liara's cheeks blushed bright purple as she gave a shy smile; it was obvious that she had put a lot of thought into the gesture, and Shepard didn't want her feeling unappreciated. She angled her head up slightly and kissed the asari on the tip of her nose, and then her cheek, before separating.

"I'm just glad I could concentrate through it. I think Tali would probably have heard us if we got any louder, same with potentially any of the under-agers." Shepard added with a smile, glancing over her shoulder toward the dining room and foyer.

"I…am not certain I understand the importance of age in this…and Tali is not a light sleeper, from what I understand." Liara retorted, seemingly uncertain about Shepard's point in saying what she did.

"Well, humans can be modest, like you said, and I'd rather avoid an awkward situation with Ash's family if I can. And Tali…I just see her as a little sister, and that makes me kind of flinch when thinking about exposing her to this kind of stuff…even if she most likely has already." She elaborated, noticing a look of relief on Liara's face.

Liara let out a small laugh, turning away for a moment to collect herself. "I once thought that you were…interested in Tali. Even up until just recently…I cannot deny I was envious of her when she broke into your room on the transport here." The asari said with some amusement, her past worries clearly dissipated.

"I thought you were interested in Tali and Kaidan as well, for a while, but patterns started to click in place, and both Heather and Faridah pushed me back toward you when I was really confused after that whole Torfan deal." Shepard added, drawing a wide-eyed look of surprise from Liara.

"Whatever had you thinking I was attracted to Kaidan and Tali?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest as her brow furrowed in confusion. "I…cannot think of any time where I have acted intimately around them in any way."

Shepard blushed, realizing that sometimes words really were able to be taken at face value, her previous reason for avoidance shattered. "You said something once that brought me to think that, I guess. I think it was the day you asked about my cinnamon bun aroma." She noted, looking over to her oven, wondering if she should make a batch to take back to the ship.

"Oh! Hrm. I was rather…distracted that day. Between smelling you and…well…staring at you…I can hardly recall anything all that important." Liara spoke, prompting Shepard's cheeks to grow red once more from blushing, her eyes darting off to the side. She'd had no idea that Liara had been interested as far back as then, and while it was flattering, she also recalled what little clothing she was wearing for the most of their talk.

Shepard immediately found her body stiffening as a hand firmly gripped her bum, her eyes finding an amused looking asari culprit nearby. "Can you blame me, when you practically paraded your hair fur and your premium assets in my quarters in front of me?" Liara asked, Shepard laughing at the pun at first, before falling silent, seeing the growing frustration in the asari's eyes.

"I suppose not." She whispered cheekily, running her hand down the sensitive folds of Liara's neck, preempting a more urgent kiss as her lips collided with a very willing blue pair. Shepard felt one of Liara's hands clench her bum harder as the other reached up and grasped at her back, pulling her closer, as if her body could devour her with compression alone. She knew they couldn't get too out of control, but she held on for as long as she could as their bodies entangled up against the countertop. Deciding to try a trick she'd been practicing after meditations to increase her focus, she lightly flared her biotics around her fingers, tenderly massaging her hand within the folds, drawing a pleasurable moan from Liara as they kissed. The asari quickly separated, both greedily breathing in air.

"Shepard…" Liara spoke breathlessly, before she could press a finger to the asari's mouth.

"Amber." She whispered in response, smiling brightly at Liara, once again wrapping her arms around the asari's neck. "Call me Amber, please."

Liara's eyes widened slightly before being overtaken by mirth, the asari nuzzling against Shepard's cheek in acknowledgement, yawning out a breath soon after. "Mmmm, we should probably start preparing for bed." Liara spoke sounding tired for the first time all night. Shepard nodded, starting to feel the familiar pull of slumber at her mind's periphery.

Quietly, they made their way to the washroom, only caring enough to do the most basic cleaning rituals before heading off to the dark living room. Without a word, Shepard noticed Liara move away from the couch she'd been offered earlier in the day, instead taking residence in the comfy reclining chair near the fireplace.

Seeing she wanted some space to herself, Shepard grabbed the blanket from the couch and went over to Liara, carefully covering the asari. As she went to try and tuck the blanket in somewhat at the sides, she felt Liara's hand gently grasp her forearm. Her attention moved promptly to the asari maiden, who had entirely unfair, manipulative space-magic eyes, as far as she was concerned.

"Amber… I would prefer company, but…I would understand if it is too much, too soon for you." Liara whispered shyly, curling up by one of the armrests, leaving a small opening. _A nice little Shepard sized nook, if I say so myself…_

Shepard merely smiled, and climbed in, covering them both with the blanket before wrapping her arms around Liara's waist, holding her tightly as the archaeologist snuggled in closer. Between the warmth of Liara and the sheer comfort of knowing the asari was near, she quickly fell into the realm of slumber, not a care in the world left on her conscience.


	36. Pitter Patter Goes My Heart

Something was missing. That much was clear as Liara started becoming conscious of life around her, but she just couldn't exactly put her finger on it. She was warm, snuggled up in the recliner, wrapped in a blanket. She could hear vague sounds off in the distance, perhaps songbirds, and a distinct steadier humming that only helped spur her mind further away from sleep. As she inhaled, a smile curled at her mouth from the delicious bouquet of scents wafting through the air. It wasn't often that she ever decided to lie around after waking up; there was usually something productive to do with her time, and she'd instead bury herself in work or research, but that morning was different. _I am content to stay here for a few minutes longer…we are on a vacation of sorts, after all…I am sure that Shepard wouldn't mind…_ Liara's thoughts froze as she recalled the previous night, her arms instinctively reaching out for the woman, only to find an empty space where Shepard had once been through the night. _Shepard?_

Her eyes fluttered open lazily as she frowned, casting a glance around her. From the look of the sky outside, it was close to dawn, the sun likely just peeking over the horizon. Tali rested on the nearby couch, snuggling a cushion with her back to Liara. _Where did she go? I hope she does not regret what happened…I was rather forward, but…_ Her eyes froze on the small table beside the chair where a note and a small plate of baked goods rested, tearing her attention from her thoughts to the situation at hand. She slowly sat up, still clutching the blanket close around her with one hand as the other took hold of the note, handwritten in ink. Liara couldn't feel more fortunate that she'd been trying to acquaint herself with Shepard's language, and could recognize symbols that seemed fairly similar to those that would represent her name, though the calligraphy was much looser and each symbol seemed to flow into the next. She couldn't help but smile at the woman's effort, and the tiny little heart symbol underneath before flipping it over and activating her omni's translation program, her worries extinguished for the time being.

 _Liara,_  
I'm not sure I've ever slept so well as last night. You always find a way to put my mind at ease.  
Between that, and waking up holding you, I was so happy I couldn't contain myself. Literally.  
You're sleeping really peacefully, I'd have loved to stay here with you,  
But I really need to make breakfast and do something. Sorry for not being here when you wake  
Please accept this food and meet me in the kitchen when you're ready.  
Or keep sleeping. I can give you breakfast in bed then. Or breakfast on a chair, I guess

_I'm rambling so I'll just stop now._

_-Amber_

Liara didn't even try to hide the amused smile stretching across her face, slumping back down on the recliner, chuckling to herself at how the last line of the message looked like it had been rewritten and erased a number of times. _It seems she may have been as nervous as I was when I woke…Goddess, I cannot believe how…aggressive I was last night! Cornering her against her sink like that…I am not sure what got into me. Certainly, I did work myself into the role a little, but…part of me just…Goddess, I just wanted to claim her right then and there. If not for the interference, I…well, I should not ponder what might have been. She was right that it is better to take this all a little bit slower._

Her eyes returned to the plate as she pocketed the note, her gaze falling on the fresh cinnamon bun and small chocolate squares taunting her. Clearly, Liara was faced with her first major decision of the day; stay all cozy in the recliner and rest for a little while longer, perhaps snacking on her treats in the comfort of her blanket, or leave to the kitchen and learn what the rest of the tantalizing scents were. After much consideration, and more than a little reluctance, she swung the blanket off of her body and got to her feet. Plate in hand, she quietly tiptoed out of the living room and to the kitchen, the sound of frying food and melodic humming growing with each step.

Liara's eyes grew wide as the kitchen came in view, seemingly every appliance and bit of counter space in use, Shepard moving from station to station quickly; there was a surprising fluidity in her step as she practically danced around the kitchen. The woman clearly hadn't noticed the asari's presence behind her, too distracted with humming along to some unknown tune as she prepared a seemingly colossal amount of food. Liara took a bite of the still warm cinnamon bun, melting down onto the stool of the island, her eyes never leaving the energetic cook. She couldn't help but let out a contented hum from the taste of the bun, wishing she had a constant supply of materials so Shepard could bake for her each morning. _Though I suppose not every morning…that would be a bit greedy of me…they are just very delicious, is all…I'm sure she would understand the urge…_

Shepard's head swung around, the woman grinning cheekily as she spotted Liara before returning to her duties. She merely watched the woman bop from place to place, collecting all sorts of food that she didn't recognize onto a large tray before whisking it over to the island, making a few more trips to gather bowls, plates, silverware and glasses of orange liquid. Liara felt a little relieved that Shepard seemed to be ready for a small break, plopping down on the stool across from her.

"Morning." Shepard said softly, her warm eyes locked on Liara's. She returned Shepard's adoring gaze with a smile and a glance at the platters of food before her.

"Good morning, Amber." She replied, loving the feel of the woman's name on her tongue. To be afforded that privilege was both exciting and heartwarming, knowing there were likely less than a half dozen people who Shepard let call her by her given name. "Thank you for the note and sweets, and…thank you for preparing all of this food, though I am not sure what most of it is."

Shepard let out a light, amused laugh and used her hand to gesture to the specific foods. "Well, I'll see if I can't get you acquainted with some of my breakfast staples. Here are my famous apple cinnamon waffles, with a small container of real maple syrup…we've got toasted multi-grain bread, with butter, strawberry or grape jelly to spread on it. Then we have a bowl of fresh raspberries and peach slices, because you can't have a complete breakfast without fruit. And then there's two types of scrambled eggs, one with ham and one without. On the side we have peppercorn crusted bacon, fried so it's just crisp enough without losing all flexibility, because there's nothing worse than bacon that shatters when you bite into it. Remember that." The woman rambled as Liara took it all in. It seemed like far too much for a single person. "And then we have orange juice to wash it all down with, of course." Amber finished with a smile.

"Is this a normal breakfast for you? The options are…dizzying." Liara stated, wondering how anyone could eat so much. It simply seemed a bit excessive, but by the scents of the food, she couldn't help but imagine it was tasty. And sometimes, it was nice to indulge.

Shepard merely shrugged. "I normally just make either eggs or pancakes or waffles, or some days I just have cereal. And I normally don't have as much fruit, or bacon, or toast. But it's a celebration, so I figured I may as well pull out all the stops, and enjoy it all while it lasts. It's been a great morning already, and I wanted to get the day started with a good meal."

Deciding to act on her curiosity, Liara filled her plate with a bit of everything, much to the amusement of the woman across from her, who filled her own plate with what remained. Her first targets were what Shepard had revealed were fruit; she had enjoyed a vast variety of fruit on Thessia, and she could imagine the Earth-born produce was worth taking a chance on.

Her first impression on the raspberries was that they were quite flavourful, somewhat sour like Armali's Pianta fruit, and had an enjoyably seedy texture. She quickly took another of the berries, and continued to explore the interesting mix of taste and texture. Shepard seemed to notice the slight pucker of her lips; admittedly, Liara was used to sweet and spicy, whereas sour food tended to be a little rare for her to come across. "I always like having something that's a little tart or tangy…helps balance out all the sweet and savoury foods." The woman spoke, before taking a whole strip of bacon into her mouth and chewing happily.

"They are quite delicious, same with these…peaches." Liara stated after taking in one of the slices, finding it a little sweeter than the raspberry. Liara understood Shepard's point on diversifying the food for meals; her house's cooks always ensured that there was proper balance within each meal. It was something that, growing up, Liara didn't enjoy very much. However, she appreciated the purpose of it, and was happy that the preference for it existed across cultures.

Admittedly, though, she wasn't a great fan of the toast and jam, finding it rather dull. Much like the eggs without ham, which were less enjoyable than the ones with that pink ham substance. The waffles were fantastic, carrying some faint familiarity with the cinnamon buns Amber had made her before; the maple syrup only enhanced it, especially after having spent a short amount of time pooling in the small indents in the food.

However, bacon was exceptionally good tasting, despite its greasiness. Liara loved her first strip, the mouth-watering salty savoury flavor was almost worth not waking up in Shepard's arms, even. Well, she was pretty sure it'd be a close call. She needed a second sample to help her establish a strong hypothesis. When she reached for her third and fourth she found Amber staring at her with an adoring smile, which was quite lovely, yet entirely confusing. "Amber? Why are you looking at me in such a way?" she asked shyly, feeling a little nervous as the woman's smile only grew from her words.

"I've never seen anyone look both ravenous and incredibly thoughtful while eating bacon before." Amber noted with an amused smirk, taking advantage of Liara's momentary distraction to take the last piece of bacon on the plate, cocking her eyebrow at the asari as she bit into it.

Liara gasped. She honestly hadn't meant to, which was why she immediately ducked her gaze in embarrassment, but she'd truly hoped to be able to eat the rest of that batch of bacon. Sure, she knew that Shepard would make more soon enough, but it was disheartening to miss out on such a tasty breakfast treat.

It was only when she saw a small piece of bacon drop onto her plate that she began to regain focus. Liara looked back up at Amber, who was holding a small portion of bacon with a bite into it. "We can share the last piece." The woman noted slyly, Liara already cheerfully nibbling away at the strip in order to prolong her enjoyment of it. "Consider yourself lucky…it's not every day I let someone share the last bacon strip with me."

Liara thought for a moment over Shepard's words. "Do you have a historical pattern of you getting the last strip when you're with others?" She had come to understand that some human food customs existed around both the selection of foods, such as the existence of 'dessert', which was eaten after other portions of the main meal, and was entirely optional. _Although many things one can have for dessert can also be eaten as 'snacks' at a later, unscheduled time, without question. Some human customs are rather strange…_

"If I've made the bacon, then yeah. I guess so, but sometimes Heather will try to eat the last one anyway." Shepard said with a light chuckle, finishing off that last morsel of food; the woman smiled contentedly as she leaned forward a bit, resting her chin on her palm, her elbow supporting her weight on the island's counter. It wasn't anything particularly new, but it was simply nice to see the commander so relaxed and worry-free. Liara hoped that when this mission was over, that Shepard would spend more time content and at ease than in the midst of battle and stressed.

Liara took her time to finish her last bit of bacon, both to just savour the taste, and because she felt so full from the meal. Despite having been fed well during their little excursion to Amaterasu, she was still very used to the small MREs, and her appetite hadn't adjusted. "Thank you for the delicious breakfast. I hope it wasn't a burden…I could have prepared something for myself, I'm sure, given the time and research…" she began, only to be waved off by Shepard, who got off her seat and collected their dishes.

"Honestly, don't worry about it. I like making sure everyone's fed well." The woman stated, her kind eyes sparkling as the light from the morning sun bathed the side of Shepard's face for a brief moment before she moved out of the sun's rays and over to the sink. While Liara was fairly certain that her objectivity was compromised by her emotional connection with the woman, she had a difficult time grasping just how anyone couldn't see the beauty in the person who was once again back at the counter, preparing more food, an easy smile plastered on her face. It was baffling to think that so many humans might consider her evil; she knew that if they would only free their minds from the shackles of those assumptions and just spend a minimal amount of time in her presence, they could find themselves with the friendship of a caring, loyal individual that was worth knowing beyond her military accomplishments. "I hear some people rustling around…if it's not too much trouble, could you handle the dishes while I cook up the rest of all this?"

Liara hesitated momentarily before giving into her whims, her curiosity far too powerful to be suppressed by the standards of comportment drilled into her from a young age. "May I…would you be open to the experience of…" Liara started, unsure how to frame her request, and blushing under the amused gaze of the woman leaning against the sink. The same sink that she'd practically ravaged Shepard on last night. Which, of course, only caused words to tumble around even more in her mind, and her cheeks to blush a deeper shade of purple. She took a long moment to collect herself, ignoring the cute airy laughter coming from across the room. "Would you be so kind as to teach me how to make these dishes?"

Her request brought a brilliant smile to Shepard's face, the woman immediately nodding her head excitedly. "Sure, yeah, come on over here and I'll show you the ropes." The commander spoke, and Liara assumed it was a common human idiom because she didn't see any ropes nearby at all. She was thankful that Amber decided to start her on the most delectable food, bringing her over to the area she had been making bacon on. The surface was slick and there was a sizzling sound in the air, the residue from the previous batch of bacon still coating the long rectangular cooking surface. "There's nothing like the smell of bacon in the morning when you're just waking up. I'm pretty sure unless you're like, a vegan or something… someone who only eats non-sentient life forms basically… it's impossible not to smile at the smell. So I usually start that first."

She nodded and watched closely as Shepard started up a fresh batch, laying out the strips horizontally and close together; after doing the first three, the woman had her take over and lay the rest out. It was a simple task, so she decided to split her attention between the 'griddle' and Shepard, who was pulling some oddly shaped white objects out of a carton.

The woman seemed to notice that she'd nearly completed her task, and held up one of the objects, grabbing her attention fully. "This is an egg. The food part of it is inside this shell here, so you have to crack it…there are, like, a bunch of machines that do it perfectly, but I like the manual way. So just place your fingers like so…" the woman said, Liara paying close attention to the areas Shepard's fingers rested on. "And you lightly tap it against a thin edge, I use a bowl. The shell isn't thick, and it splinters into shards pretty easily, so you want to be careful and get a nice, precise little crack."

Liara watched Shepard tap the egg against a bowl, a deep crack forming across the shell. "Now, you take your thumb and you press in a bit here…don't worry if it's a bit messy, it's expected. Once you have a good grip, you take your other thumb and pry the shell apart into two halves and let the insides spill into the bowl." Liara nodded at the explanation, watching each movement closely to memorize the technique. It all seemed rather simple enough. Sometimes she wondered why she hadn't been taught food preparation as a child, if it could be so simple. It was understandable that it could get complicated when it came to spices, or which food complimented which, and what drink went best with which meal, and so forth, but the meal she'd enjoyed minutes before had been rather tasty, and apparently fairly simple.

Once she finished with laying the bacon out, and after being assured that the bacon would need some time to cook unsupervised, she went over to Shepard and carefully cracked some eggs; Liara's first one had been something of a minor disaster, bits of shell falling into the bowl, but she quickly got a handle on it all. As she learned that technique, Shepard explained all the different ways to prepare eggs, some involving breaking the yellow-orange yolk, and some leaving it intact. It was all rather interesting. After mixing the eggs together in the bowl, her tutor led her further down the counter toward a small pinkish object sitting on a cutting board.

"This is ham…it comes from pigs, usually, which are animals found on earth. Now, you liked the eggs with ham, and it's pretty easy to do." Shepard noted calmly, cutting a round slice off the slab of meat. "Now, once you have a slice like this, about this thick…you don't want it too thin or thick…you just use the knife to cut it into smaller, bite-size bits. Why don't you help me with this while I go flip the bacon?" the woman asked, drawing a nod from Liara, who happily took up the task, mindful of the shape of the slice as she tried to make as many identically-sized cuts as possible.

Shepard was back at her side before she'd finished slicing up the ham; Liara blushed as she felt Amber's arm wrap around her waist, the woman's fingers slipping underneath her top and lightly massaging her abdomen. It was, at the very least, a wonderful feeling to be taking part in such an activity with her, and to be subjected to such affection and unrelenting patience. The rest of the breakfast preparation was quite simple as well, and soon she was back at the bacon, removing the relatively crisp strips and replacing them with a new batch; Shepard was hugging her from behind, the woman's head resting on Liara's shoulder, hopefully proud of her admittedly easy accomplishments. It simply felt nice to be able to contribute and take part, to do something and share an experience with the woman she was now romantically involved with. It was one thing to take a supportive role out in the battlefield, but being able to participate and help in other areas was something she wanted to do; she wanted to learn everything about the woman.

As she was finishing laying out fresh bacon strips on the cooking surface, she heard thudding footsteps approach the kitchen, and felt Shepard step ever so slightly away from her, one hand still resting comfortably on the side of Liara's waist. Soon, Ashley was staggering into the kitchen area, eyes hooded and clearly groggy; the marine's vision was unfocused, her brows furrowed as she seemed to try to figure out where the food was.

Quickly, Shepard slipped away from her side, playfully shooing the younger woman out of the kitchen and over to the dining table. "Breakfast is almost ready, Ash. Just sit down and I'll grab you some coffee to wake you up." Amber said, earning a sleepy nod and a grunt from the marine, who stumbled off to the nearby table.

Liara took her cue from Shepard to get the plates of toast and fresh fruit over to the table, soon ushering over all of the food they had prepared with exception of the final batch of bacon, something Shepard had taken watch of. It seemed that Ash's appearance spurred everyone else to wake, and soon the table was full of tired, hungry individuals. Liara was just bringing over Tali's food when she felt a tap on her shoulder, bringing her focus to her side where Amber was, a peach in hand. "Hey, why don't you go sit down and socialize a bit? I'll just finish up here." The woman noted with a small smile, and while she really did want to finish the work with Shepard, she couldn't really say no to the opportunity to be included. She gave Amber a quick nod, which only made the woman's smile wider. "Great! I'll bring over some tarts and cinnamon buns to snack on too, okay? Now go on, I'll be right over."

She smiled at the thought of another cinnamon bun, and quickly took a seat between Tali and Faridah, splitting her attention between the idle conversation around the table and Shepard, who was enthusiastically finishing the final batch of food, slicing up a little more fruit. It was clear to Liara then that while Shepard was passionate out on the battlefield, her passion also filtered into activities such as this. It was heartwarming, the woman's passion for tending to and protecting others. _Tevos couldn't have selected a better Spectre as a public servant to keep the galaxy safe…_

Early morning conversation, as Liara had learned from previous mornings, wasn't anything all too interesting or in-depth; it seemed almost everyone was still far too sleepy and focused on food to really discuss any complex matters. Still, she listened in on the conversations at the table, taking in details about Ashley's mother's farm and her recent equipment issues, Heather recommending some spy thriller novel to Tali, and Ashley's sister Sarah asking Faridah loads of questions about what it's like to work on the Earth's moon, and whether the cafeteria food is decent there. Apparently the young girl had a theory that all cafeteria food, or food on ships, was quite inferior, something Liara could generally see truth in. All in all, it was a nice few minutes of conversation before Shepard graced the group with the final batch of food. She had noticed Faridah stealing glances at her throughout breakfast, but assumed that, like Ashley's family, the woman was likely not very familiar with being in the presence of asari, what with growing up on Earth, and spending the majority of her time on primarily human establishments on Mars and Luna. There weren't many asari who visited Sol, though Liara supposed there would be at least a few more if the humans would open up their prothean archives to non-human researchers.

"You all just eat up, okay? And don't hog the rest of the bacon, Heather." Shepard noted with a smile, placing the rest of the food platters onto the table. "I'll just be outside on my hammock if anyone needs me."

"You're not gonna eat?" Heather asked, confusion seeping from her words as the woman's face contorted to show her surprise.

Amber gave a half-shrug, her smile slipping into a small smirk. "Table's only so big, and besides, me and Liara already ate." Liara watched the woman turn away with a wave, slipping out of the kitchen and into the backyard. In truth, she had hoped Shepard would have joined them at the table, but she could see the allure of spending some time outside. It really was shaping up to be a beautiful morning.

The next fifteen minutes or so were a bit chaotic, especially the first few; she'd watched in amusement as everyone had scrambled to grab second helpings of food. Liara had secured three strips of bacon, a cinnamon bun, a few more chocolate squares and some other sweets, so she didn't feel put out at all. Not like Ashley who was moping because she had missed out on cinnamon buns in the crazy battle for bacon.

Liara eventually found herself stacking empty plates and dishes at the table, having decided to help clean up, when her stack was promptly snatched away from in front of her. She turned her head, spotting Ashley hurrying over to the counter where her mother and sisters were cleaning up. _Well, so much for that endeavour…_ she mused, though once again she was interrupted by a light tap on her shoulder.

"Hey, want to help us with some gift wrapping?" she heard Heather ask in an oddly hushed tone; they had already fully wrapped all of the gifts, Liara was certain of that much, so she didn't see any reason for secrecy. _Then again, perhaps they have obtained something else since we last congregated and prepared the gifts? I suppose it's possible…_ she thought as she turned to face Heather and a slightly amused looking Faridah.

She nodded and followed the two women into Shepard's storage closet, her eyes darting around the room curiously, trying to find whatever it was that was meant to be wrapped. Surely anything requiring three people would have been noticeable, yet she found nothing out of the ordinary. Instead, Heather leaned up against a shelf, looking incredibly impatient and giddy with energy, while Faridah stood nonplussed by the door. Not entirely certain what to do, Liara just sat down on a chest of sorts, hopeful that someone would clue her into what she was needed for soon. She was fairly certain that this wasn't a regular human custom that she was ignorant of, after all.

"So Shepard's in a good mood, making breakfast like that and looking like she was glowing, and being all smiley and everything…" Heather blurted out, biting her lip as a smile spread across her face, her eyes shimmering mischievously. Liara had seen that look on the woman before, almost always when she was thinking up a plan, so she just sat and waited for the brunette to continue. "And she's not an emotional mess right now like yesterday, she's just really happy so…you know, it might be a good time to capitalize and just go after her. Just saying." The woman continued excitedly, Faridah rolling her eyes a little bit at Heather's exuberant rambling.

Liara kept quiet, knowing that perhaps she was partly to blame for Shepard's cheerful disposition that morning, and because Heather clearly didn't know what had occurred the previous night. It was also clear that Heather was very intent on Liara making some move, and she wasn't sure she wanted to tell the woman the truth. However, the brunette just seemed so excited about the prospect of bringing them together, about accomplishing what it truly seemed she had been planning for a while if Liara was correct. So she nodded and offered a nervous smile, knowing that if she spoke, she'd likely fumble with her words and say something wrong; Liara knew herself to be a fairly poor liar, and understood that Heather was rather perceptive.

"So you should probably wear something that's not too fancy, but fancy enough to really catch Shep off guard, get her pulse racing and everything." Heather spoke, her hands waving around in front of her as she went on and on about possible clothing options. All she could do was just nod at appropriate times, but it was getting to be a bit nerve-wracking, so she almost breathed a sigh of relief when Faridah interrupted the other woman.

"Liara will handle it, Heather. Don't worry so much." The raven haired woman said, sounding entirely amused; her gaze was locked on the brunette who had quickly stopped talking and was sporting a rather significant pout.

"I just don't want anything to go wrong." The brunette mumbled, crossing her arms against her chest, all that exuberance dissipated.

Faridah let out a long, exasperated sigh that only had Heather blushing with fairly apparent embarrassment, from what Liara could tell. "You've helped a lot, Heather. Liara's going to have Shepard eating out of her hand within the hour, I'm certain of it."

Deciding that was her chance to speak up and actually be truthful in some form, she stood from the chest. "Yes, of course. You have helped me so much with her, you've been truly wonderful."

Heather's pout shrunk away, though the woman still looked a little put out. "Can I at least pick out what you'll wear, Liara?" The brunette asked quietly, the intensity of her gaze causing Liara a moment of pause.

"Yes, I would greatly appreciate your help in that. I'm certain you'll know better what would fit Shepard's tastes." Liara noted quickly, hoping her nodding would reassure Heather that she hadn't been a bother.

With that, Heather practically bolted from the room, saying something about not wanting to waste any time. Liara watched the door shut, and Faridah approach with a knowing smirk. "I think that maybe we both really know why our friend is in a good mood this morning, don't we?" the woman asked playfully, and Liara could only blush, a shy grin spreading across her face. She had thought both herself and Shepard had been fairly discreet about their affections and connection, but apparently Faridah had figured them out. Shepard's friend pulled Liara closer and embraced her into a hug, the woman letting out a happy sigh. "You be good to her, okay?" Faridah asked softly, giving Liara a light squeeze before letting go.

"I promise to. Thank you…thank you for your support, Faridah. I understand humans can get territorial and strict about their friends' partners, and I had hoped not to bring about any trouble." Liara stammered out, thrilled to have Shepard's best friend's acceptance on the matter. It had been rather intimidating, how close the woman had once been with Amber.

Faridah just let out a small laugh and gestured toward the door. "I just want to see her happy, that's all. Now why don't you go entertain Heather? I'm sure she's pacing around the room, desperately waiting for you."

"She has more than earned that much from me, at least." Liara admitted, offering Faridah a brief wave before leaving the storage room, curious to see what Heather had selected from her clothing options. If anything, she was certain that the next hour or two would be rather interesting.

* * *

Amaterasu's morning air was sweet, or at least Shepard found it to be. When she'd first landed on the planet it had been something of a fresh start, which she knew may have coloured her judgment, but all those years later it still smelled sweeter than Earth for her, especially that morning as she rested on her hammock. If one could temporarily forget about Saren, the reapers, and the looming threat to the galaxy, life was pretty damn good as far as she was concerned. It all seemed brighter, better from her vantage point. The birds were chirping and singing their happy little songs, the leaves were rustling lightly overhead from the gentle breeze, and the sun's rays were warm on her skin. The only thing that could have possibly made the experience better walked out of the house and toward her.

Liara, as always, was a vision; her white silky dress flowed in the breeze like some living art accessory, each ripple revealing a pearlescent golden shade that made her seem like she was glowing. It was entirely breathtaking, and Shepard was more than pleased that by the time it took for Liara to cover the distance, she'd regained her basic bodily functions, allowing her to sit up a little in her hammock.

Her asari gave a little wave as she stepped up beside Shepard, an amused smirk twisting at her lips. "Heather's watching." Liara noted cheerfully as she turned her gaze toward the oak tree, her eyes flickering from detail to detail.

"Oh? What's she up to this time?" Amber asked, knowing her fellow brunette was more than a little mischievous at the best of times.

"She believes that we have not had this talk yet, and that I will be…propositioning you for the first time." Liara stated, a light purple blush filling her cheeks as the asari returned her gaze to the resting woman.

Shepard could only laugh, finding heather's persistence at playing matchmaker entirely ridiculous. "Of course she'd have her nose in our business like this. I love her, but…well, sometimes she gets a little crazy."

"Whether she is mentally unstable or not…and I would assert that she is rather stable, in fact, if a bit intense…she has been quite helpful in recent weeks." Liara stated confidently as she nodded to herself, and Shepard could appreciate her friend's impact on the asari. It was crystal clear that the scientist had been getting outside help in understanding human social norms and phrases, among other aspects of culture. It didn't change the fact that it still qualified as meddling.

"Of course she was…her plan was obvious from the start. Ever since she met you, she's been trying to get us together." Amber noted, chuckling at the memories of how insistent the woman had been in pairing them together. Had she listened and taken the chance earlier, it would have been pretty nice, but she was happy with how things turned out the previous night. No complaints.

Liara, though, seemed to find the admission at least a little confusing, given her thoughtfully perplexed expression. "And still you resisted."

Shepard just shrugged her shoulders and smiled sheepishly, knowing that maybe she had miscalculated in the past. "I'm a bit of a fool at the best of times." She said as she stretched a little, not wanting to get too stiff or anything in her favourite resting spot, as comfy as it was. "And I honestly had a hard time thinking you were at all attracted to me until…I guess the movie night? Yeah."

"I suppose I wasn't all that clear in my intentions…but you were rather difficult to understand as well, Amber. It took Heather, some extensive research to have any grasp on your potential attraction to…well, anyone. And while there were signs beforehand, that movie night WAS rather informative, given your reaction to me pretending to fall asleep on you." Liara rambled thoughtfully, not entirely aware of Shepard's jaw dropping at the revelation that it had all been a ploy that night.

"Wait…you …you weren't asleep?" Amber asked, trying to wrap her head around that new bit of information, her mind flitting back to memories of that night for any signs, but she couldn't really think of anything except the sort-of-kiss to her neck.

"Well, not at first…but then you reclined us, and you were particularly comfortable to lie upon, and I did truly fall asleep at some point. But doing so wasn't in my initial plans…I had actually planned on just using it as a ruse to get closer to you and perhaps create an intimate atmosphere where we could both explore any potentially mutual attraction and…" Liara began, the details of her plan causing Shepard to shake her head in amused disbelief. _Of course Liara would plan ahead…I wonder if she had a data-pad of notes compiled for that night…_

"Okay, okay, now that I know you're into me because I'm a comfortable pillow…" She started, her playful smile diffusing the momentary shock and confusion on Liara's face. "How do you want to do this? Obviously, she's probably still watching, and muttering out loud about both of us, so we should probably get this over with pretty soon."

Liara seemed thoughtful for a moment before seeming to shrink into herself a bit, her body language mimicking that of the nervous asari that had once entered her room, informing her that she'd planned on leaving the Normandy. It was an odd shift to say the least. "Perhaps I start off nervous, unwilling to feel confident and certain that you feel the same way about me as I do you." Liara whispered softly, turning her head away and closing her eyes. "Perhaps I turn my head away slightly as I ask, too scared to face your gaze…I was rather nervous last night, Shepard."

"Maybe I'll fall off myhammockinshock!" Shepard blurted out as she feigned recoiling from surprise, the hammock twisting and thrusting her to the ground unceremoniously as she held her hand to her mouth in fake shock.

Liara's eyes widened as she darted over to her side. "I'd rush to your side, worried about any bumps or bruises…kneeling by you, grazing your cheek, drinking in your hazel eyes." The asari spoke as her hands frantically checked Shepard over for any injuries, even though she likely knew there would be none.

"Drinking…" Shepard breathed out, not having expected such words from the normally clinical speech Liara tended to use. It was really flattering, and had her blushing furiously. She blinked away her surprise and took hold of one of her asari's soft hands. "I'd be stunned…but I'd never be dishonest with you. I'd agree that we have a connection." She continued, bringing the hand to her lips, kissing the back of it tenderly. As much of an act as it all was, she really did want to emphasize how serious she was, how much Liara meant to her. "Then I'd be fighting for words, and would probably say something really awkward but heartfelt, like 'Liara, when I found you, my heart found a home'."

She watched as the azure-skinned beauty leaning over her bit her lip, her damned space-magic eyes so content and adoring; Amber wasn't sure she'd ever felt so lucky before, having someone like Liara in her life. "I would feel like smirking at how over-dramatic humans can be, but I'd be unable to for the affection and sincerity in your voice." Liara spoke, taking her newly free hand and angling Shepard's head a little closer to hers. "I would yearn to make up for that once lost kiss."

Feeling her body thrum with sensation, she let go of Liara's hand, using one of her own to keep her balanced and a little propped up in her prone position, placing the other around her asari's neck for support. "And I'd be too entranced by your space magic eyes to deny you anything." She added, leaning forward and moving her head ever so closer.

Liara quickly used her free hand to support the small of Amber's back, pulling the brunette closer as she leaned over her. Amber, not one to delay, took the hand that was supporting herself and moved it up to caress Liara's cheek as the asari's remaining free hand cupped the back of her neck, taking a handful of 'hairfur'. "I would need no words for this." Liara breathed out when their lips ghosted against each other, both of them promptly falling into the kiss; Amber pulling Liara down on top of her as their tongues gently grazed, their hands exploring earnestly, their bodies pressing together only to yearn for more. The sensual electric energy from the previous night returned with a vengeance, but there was something new, something more tender in how their bodies molded together, how their lips caressed one another's.

And like that, Amaterasu's sweet, gentle breeze was forgotten, the songs of the birds of Spring unheard in the midst of what Amber knew would be just as important as the tree looming over her and what it symbolized. That this was what she'd been wanting for years, what Faridah and Heather and Melody had wanted for her. And with any luck, she'd help this new, wonderful connection grow into something worthy of that four letter word. And she'd start by making the most of such a wonderful morning, in the company of a majestic asari scientist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read! Hope you've enjoyed this so far :D


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